32. Appreciate, Follow, Obey, Please, Serve.

I’ve re-written this post several times before publishing. I’ve gone from wanting to share my thoughts and plans for next week (it starts Wednesday) to wanting to share nothing. It’s an odd feeling. I’ve shared a lot in my posts, but for some reason I don’t feel like sharing much about what’s going on at this moment. It’s like I want what Mike and I are about to embark upon to be just ours – no one else’s.   It’s not due to any sense of shame (I have none), or from fear (I have some, but that’s not why). It’s just I want this to be ours, and ours alone.   Maybe I’ll feel differently when it is over.

Anxiety Soup
I will share a few things. I am feeling a bit of anxiety soup. . . excitement with a dash of fear, peppered with anticipation and anxiousness to get started.   And it isn’t the type of fear as in a fear from danger, but a fear in that perhaps it will not be what I hope it to be. I am trying to not think about what I hope it will be and simply just let it be.   A journey into the unknown, a test of limits, and exploration that will take me wherever it takes me, no expectations.

No Expectations
Okay, maybe some expectations.  I expect I will enjoy this, but also enjoy that it is only for 10-days.  I’ll be wanting it to end, not because I wouldn’t be enjoying myself, but after 10 days I will be ready to return to our “normal” DD lifestyle. My expectation is that we will take a few “nuggets” of what we learned in our experiment and apply them to our lifestyle going forward. The rest we will remember as a fond memory but not seek to repeat it. Like that once in a lifetime trip to Paris, except for the pain, degradation, and humiliation part.   Just kidding.   While we plan to go dark, I can never feel humiliated in front of Mike.   Intensely uncomfortable, perhaps a bit of embarrassment, but not degraded or humiliated. We have done a couple of “training days” (more like training “hours” because private time has been hard to come by lately) where Mike has subjected me to some of the rules that will be in place next week. There’s no consequences at this point, just reminders that certain behaviors are expected or no longer tolerated.   I will share a few of them, but most of the stuff I’m keeping between Mike and me, at least for now.

No Please
One thing I am having trouble with is that Mike said I cannot say the word “please.” He said that is a word of manipulation, as if I am pleading with him to try and influence him. I am simply to state whatever it is I may be asking, without saying please, else I will be punished. I also have to acknowledge everything he says, even if there is nothing for me to say, with a simple, “Yes, Sir.”  Think of it as a substitute for when you otherwise say, “Okay.” Also, I cannot speak to him until spoken to, period, no exception. That is really difficult. Couple of other things — I also am only able to drink tepid water, no ice and no other drinks.   I must ask permission for everything I do and there are certain things I am not allowed to do on my own.

FINAL SHARE
Because I am weird that way, we did write down these rules for our 10-day Immersion:

Without condition, hesitation, or any reservations;

  • Jennifer commits to Appreciate, Follow, Obey, Please, and Serve Mike both proactively and in response to any and all demands he makes of Jennifer.
  • Mike commits to Lead, Protect, Provide, and Decide for and on behalf of Jennifer for any all things that occur in every aspect of daily life.

Okay, that’s enough to share for now. If you want to know more, just let your imagination run wild   If you can think it, we are probably doing it, with very few exceptions:

6 more days to immersion!

NEXT: 33. Reason=Conclusions. Emotions=Fulfillment

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