272. The end? Doubtful. . .

272

Yeah, I know, I have been lazy when it comes to posting lately.   Uninspired is probably a better word.  Sure, there is the hustle and bustle of summer which always impacts some of my “me” time, but honestly, I just haven’t felt motivated to post.

The good news is today was the start of school – J’s senior year in high school!   However, that increase in “me” time may no translate into more posts.  Here’s why. 

FIZZLE TO MY SIZZLE
I was excited to 
share my path to DD when I first started blogging.  Once shared, my writing then helped me reflect and reconcile various thoughts racing through my mind.   And I needed an outlet for sharing my amazing journey.  Our openness to explore DD led us to experiences that I never could have imagined, both sexual and otherwise.  Blogging has become a self-affirmation exercise and it feels good.  It is liberating and fulfilling to “shout” out important parts of who I am, the choices I make, and the things I enjoy.   This is especially important when much of my life is outside cultural norms.  

I think this was part of what motivated my “Whore” post.  I wanted to own that word, wear it as a badge of honor to take the power away from those who may want to hurl it at me.  

I now realize that to some extent, my self-affirmations have been part of my coming to terms with my need for submission.  I’ve known from the start that I needed DD – I thrive in it, I enjoy it, I am fulfilled by it.   But admitting that wasn’t always easy.  In some ways being submissive was a threat to my own concepts of myself, concepts I was raised with regarding women empowerment.   I responded to this threat by promoting the values of being submissive – in other words, I was promoting my own sense of self.

I felt this threat when I first adopted DD.  Then, I felt it as our relationship with John and Donna progressed and our sexual adventures progressed.  I felt it again when Kayla entered our household, and I felt it again as “My DD” evolved into a “DD for me.”

Blogging has been a self-affirming way to address those threats.   And now?    I love where I am as a wife, mother, lover, friend, person.  I remain passionate about where I am at and for what it requires to maintain it – submission.   I am not threatened by where I am.  I rejoice in having arrived here!  

DD 3.0 INSTALL IS COMPLETE
It’s only been about a year since “my’ DD began evolving from being Domestic Discipline that is 
MINE to Domestic Discipline that is FOR ME (Post 167).  That evolution was fueled by our last Agreement.  And a revelation I had over our recent Immersion is that this evolution is now complete.   

While this gives me a tremendous sense of accomplishment and peace, it has sort of left me with this “meh” feeling about writing.   It’s as if my writing was driving me towards something – a completely unknown destination.  The more I wrote,  the closer I knew I was getting somewhere.   It was a destination I couldn’t describe or see, but one that I would simply recognize when I got there.   I feel I am there now.  Our 2018 Immersion made me realize that.   

THE END?
Similar to how my DD got started, I believe my blog has been a selfish exercise.  I write for me.  I will continue to do so, but probably less regularly.  Maybe something will occur here and there that fills me with that same wonder and amazement that compelled my early desires to write.  Or something sparks that need to “shout it” to you all, as a self affirming declaration to readers.   
My passion for being submissive has not diminished, but it has evolved.  Day-to-day I am so immensely content and secure in my choices (i.e. not threatened) that I don’t have the same drive or need for affirmation. 

MORE TO COME!
HOWEVER. . .  you should know by now that I am quick to embrace a thought or desire and turn it into an actual pursuit.   Thus, I suspect it won’t be long before I need to share my excitement about such pursuits.  That sharing will be complete with what happened, reflecting on it, reconciling it, and affirming my feelings about it.   Yep, I anticipate there will be plenty to write about, but perhaps at slower pace?  Maybe not?

For instance, I still owe you insight into Immersion 2018!

Next post (coming soon), I promise!

Next:  Immersion 2018

21 thoughts on “272. The end? Doubtful. . .”

  1. One of the things I learned about writing about such things is that it helps provide clarity and is an outlet for all the things you have running around in your head that only seems to make more sense when you can write it down and look at it. I’ve been utterly fascinated with your blog and I’d hate to see it go away and I’m pretty sure that a great many people have been reading your blog and it’s been very informative for them as far as having a successful DD relationship goes and even if some things seem to go sideways.

    To that end, Jennifer, if what you’re doing can help someone else, I’d say it’s a good and noble reason to keep writing if you can. I’ve thought long and hard about putting an end to my thoughts about bisexuality and every time I think I’m done with it, I find that I’m not because there’s a lot of people who need to understand this and my somewhat unique perspective helps them to understand, whether they’re bisexual, think they may be, or find themselves involved with a guy who happens to like men as well.

    Because I will never pass this way again… and someone has to do it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. For the first time i am beginning to see my blog through my readers lens and not just my own. I admit, it feels a bit noble and provides impetus to keep blogging along. I never intended to stop…just slow down, but now…well, we will have to see. Thanks again! And also thank you for providing insights into your dynamic. Not many voices out there like yours and it definitely opened my mind to a wider reality.

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      1. And that, dear Jennifer, is why I keep writing. Over the years since I started doing this as a form of physical therapy after I had a stroke, I’ve had a lot of men and women tell me that explaining all of this to them has opened their eyes; not everyone agrees but that’s fine. I, too, have seen my blog through the eyes of my readers and it made me ask myself, “Why is no one talking real-deal about this?” when I see, hear, and know of people looking for information about this that isn’t psychobabble and heavily laced with stereotypical claptrap and misconceptions.

        And if I can convey to one person that this part of the dynamic of my life isn’t what they believe it to be – and whether or not they dive in or not – I’ve done some good for someone… and that’s good enough to keep writing.

        “I should ease up off the gas…” is a thought I also have but I gotta admit: I love writing about it and it keeps my head fairly uncluttered. So I just don’t do this for those who might read what I have to say – I do it to help myself as well.

        And that just works.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Dearest Spirit-when I read this last night, I felt such sadness. Hope this is what you truly want and not your wings being clipped.You are a rebel that always spoke your truth and an inspiration to me and got me thru my own pain. I have been rereading all your blog since the present off and on posting and you are so amazing. You may feel meh but there is so much to your and Mike’s story. Take your time, get ready for your surgery and upcoming wedding. I will be being waiting to hear from you. Your submission is also influenced by Mike and Kayla and I hope you all grow stronger in love. Please be well and please do not fade into that goodnight. Andi

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  3. I’ll miss your insights into the lifestyle that I believe helps others to understand these matters. That said, it’s a good thing to pause and reflect on life. A few choice words about a significant idea may be better than a lot of words over something that is insubstantial. Maybe “less is more”. Good luck!

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  4. I love reading your writing and the insights into your life, many of your posts have helped me reconcile my own feelings about my submission. I really hope you do continue to write!

    I’ve also felt a diminished drive for writing lately. Even when I have a topic I want to explore, it takes me days to get anything done on it. Being so busy has a dramatic effect on how much I feel like writing.

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    1. Thank you. I haven’t thought about the impact my writing may have in others, other than corrupting minds – ha ha! Seriously, my babbling was pretty self centered, as is my habit. It does mean a lot to me that someone feels i was a positive influence in them. Submission can carry so much negative weight. I am glad i could lift some of that weight. Thanks again and again. Heart warming to read comments like this.

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      1. It sounds like you are just at a different part of your journey. I can see that being comfortable in your submission might calm the need to be evaluating but it also seems unlikely that things will stand still. They never really do so hopefully we will still see plenty of you ❤️

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  5. Jenny,
    Happy Belated Birthday to both you and Mike. I also wish you well in your upcoming surgery and may your recovery me a quick one. I’m sure it is weighing heavy on you (I know mine did, had a hysterectomy at age 40 for the same problems and all is good. I really think you’re a refreshing and honest posts are an awakening for those who question their need for submission. Surely you’ve helped many in their need for this dynamic.
    Selfishly, It will be disappointing for me if you stop blogging, and I for one will miss all your posts, the good, the bad, and the ugly (he he). Of course motivation is key and that’s entirely up to you but You should write a book, you’re that talented. One last (almost last thing)the title you used in your last post with regard to “Whore: I thought was perfect because after reading most of your blog posts, I knew you meant it playfully and not literally or in a negative way. I chuckled when I saw the title, so clever, HA. . Hope to read many more of your delightful escapades but in your break from writing, be well. Best, Jan

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    1. Thank you for sharing this. I doubt i will stop, but may slow down a bit. Right now I’ve got a few things to write about and a bit more time to sit and do it so i suspect i will post a few times this week. Thank you again for your wonderfully kind words. They mean a lot to me. I’ve been admittedly selfish in what blogging does for me. I didn’t even consider it could hold some value to others. Hearing that it does certainly adds a bit of spark to keep up my typical writing pace. Thanks again! A book, heh? Hummm?

      Liked by 1 person

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