Tag Archives: DD/lg

150. Entering the Forbidden Zone

150

Welcome to my 150th post!

Immersion 2017 is here. . . starting tomorrow to be exact.  (See prior posts re Post 141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0).

KID FREE
J is heading to my parents for a week leaving us child-free and carefree, with one hitch.  Our middle son T2 called to say he would be coming home for a few weeks.  He is away at college and will take some summer courses but has a gap with some free time so he decided to spend it at home.  How inconsiderate!  Doesn’t he know we need to get our kink on! 

The good news is we still have several days at home that will be kid free, and the better news is that Mike was able to quickly find us a getaway for the other days.  He rented a cabin in the Texas hill country.  It is on something like 15 or 20 acres so is secluded enough that we will be far from prying eyes.  I am very excited about this as it is really our first “vacation” with just the three of us.  The secluded nature of it presents new possibilities for kink exploring.

NEW ENERGY!
I am going into this “immersion” invigorated and excited.  Mike’s handling of what I shared on Post 148. Dom/sub Therapy Session really got me out of my self pity-spiral. Intuitively I always knew that it was detrimental to hold myself to some elusive ideal of the perfect submissive – submissive in all thought and action.   I never intended to strive for perfection.  I just wanted and still want to be “more” submissive.  But my inability to achieve progress that was satisfactory to me turned it into a burden that sent me down emotionally.  I already feel that burdened has lifted.  

Always the cunning linguist, Mike made it clear that from now on my progress as a submissive is at his “pleasure and measure” and he is extremely happy with my submission.  It would have been very un-submissive of me to not accept his “pleasure and measure” proclamation.  By accepting what he was saying, not only did it mean I was thinking submissively, but by giving up my unrealistic ideal and subjecting myself only to Mike’s ideal, it meant all the burden was lifted.  Voila!  My pity party was immediately over!  Mike’s a genius!

I do seek to think more submissively, but I have no arbitrary timeline in my mind or set definition of what that actually means.  I simply continue to be more submissive to the degree it suits Mike.  Odd, but giving up such control should be scary – for instance, what if Mike was more demanding of me than I was to myself?  It seems like that my desire to please him would create more pressure than the desire to please myself.  But, it was just the opposite for me.  I don’t know why that is.  I guess I trust Mike so much and perhaps know that my expectations of myself can often be unrealistic, but Mike’s expectations of me never are.  It’s odd, but in order to achieve the level of submission I want for myself, I had to stop wanting it for myself and instead want it for Mike.

ENTERING THE FORBIDDEN ZONE
On top of this much improved emotional state is the fact I have been looking forward to our Immersion for some time.  Last year was intense, and I was so glad when it was over, but I look forward to doing it again.  I like that we have set aside some time to throw out our routine and experiment with some crazier kink.   It’s like going into the laboratory and just mixing up stuff to see what you get.  We have given ourselves permission to try things we wouldn’t normally want to try, explore new sensations and experiences, all for the sake of experiment.   It helps us all identify and separate what is pleasurable versus tolerable, or what is tolerable versus what is intolerable.  

Mike thought it would be good if we had a slogan for our Immersion each year.  Sort of way to “market” to ourselves a particular theme or idea.  We threw around some ideas and Mike picked one of mine as our slogan — Entering the Forbidden Zone!  

Here’s a preview:   

PUPPY
Day 1 is my “puppy” day where basically I am treated like a dog.  Eat (human food) and drink water from bowls, sleep on the floor, and use a litter box.  Okay, that last one would make me a cat, not a dog, but just go with it.   Mike engineered a human sized litter box.  And yes, it is for both peeing and pooping.  The added twist is that Kayla will address hygiene issues for “cleaning the dog.”   Ugh, similar to last years “activities of daily living.”   I’ll be bathed and groomed.  Mike had me not shave my legs, pits, or pubes for the last week or so.  Mike and Kayla will “groom” me.   I also can not speak and must get around on all fours and stay off furniture.   It also comes complete with leash and collar.

The odd thing is that none of us have a Pet Play fetish.  It reinforces an owner/owned dependency and Mike just thought it would be entertaining for all and challenging for me.  Not something I would have chosen, but I am game!

BABY GIRL
On Day 2 my pet play is over and it is Kayla’s turn.  She will be diapered and treated like a baby.  She too can only crawl, and has to be helped with bathing, dressing, and eating.  She can not use the toilet because, well, she’s a baby!  That’s what the diapers are for.  She also can’t talk – just whine or cry when she needs something.   This experiment comes complete with pacifier, bottle feedings, and a make-shift high chair.

SHIBARI SENSATION DAY
No, Shibari Sensation is not the stage name for a Japanese stripper, but you have to admit, it would be a good one.  Anyway, Mike said Day 3 will be focused on experiencing as many different sensations as possible.  He said, “It will involve some ice, some food, the wand, lots of clothes pins, some bengay, and a surprise.”  He also has purchased some more rope for bondage play and has “some hogties and various other tied up positions” he wants to try.  And he added, “and of course, this includes spanking and flogging and more!”   Oh my!

Country Time
Once at our secluded get-away, Mike said to expect a lot of nakedness, both inside the cabin and out.  The way he put it was, “Expect a lot of open air high-jinks.”   I hope this comes complete with plenty of mosquito repellent!

Mike also said there would be other things in store for us that we would learn about when the time comes.   Oh that creative man! 

 

 

  

 

145. Another spanking / Immersion Preview

145Slippers

My M/s immersion is coming soon.  Exact date TBD as still coordinating with my parents.  That didn’t sound right.  I am not, of course, coordinating our M/s immersion with them – just the dates they will have my son staying with them.  My sister and her husband are also staying with my parents, as are her kids.  She’ll be a great help with my son as my parents are getting up there in age and the needs of my son can require a lot of physical and emotional energy.

Mike has shared a few things he has planned for us but is keeping a lot of it under wraps.  He wants to keep a “shock and awe” aspect to having to do the unexpected.  Oh my!

This led to another spanking!  I am beginning to think my Thursday canings/mini-Maintenance Sessions are unnecessary.  Mike calls those sessions at his discretion but has called them every week, (including tonight! – ouch!) since we began them about four weeks ago.   The purpose is to provide me added focus and release.  I’ve shared before that when I’ve gone a long period of time without a spanking I’ve actually asked Mike to give me one, “just because.”  He thought having these extra sessions would help.  I agree that they do, but only when I’ve been punishment-free for a while.   Unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case lately but Mike has still called for these extra sessions.  I may ask him about that during our formal Sunday sessions.  

The recent string of punishments have had more to do with my thinking than they do with specific actions.  That’s consistent with the evolution of my submission that I shared in Post 143.   There was the spanking I just shared in my prior post, and also the one in Post 142.  There have been a few others.  

It isn’t all spankings and punishment.  There is plenty of dialogue too.  We have both talked about what it means to us to have me surrender my thoughts to him.  It is a delicate balance.  Neither of us intend for me to lose who I am.  I have a brain and I will use it.  Our intent is for me to not only be more outwardly focused on Mike and his needs and desires, but also to be more internally focuses on him regarding my internal “monologue.”   That’s an extremely submissive state of mind.  

I feel I have achieved the level of submission that we both desire regarding various acts of service (sexual and otherwise).   Other than our Immersion fun, I don’t crave more acts of service, nor does Mike.  We are aligned and in balance on that, which is a great and fortunate thing to achieve and something I do not take for granted.

What I am now craving is to purge certain thoughts I have.  Okay, purge may be unrealistic — but at least lessen the frequency of certain thoughts.  Thoughts that lead to actions.  Actions which are at the core of the Duties and Obligations that I not only imposed on myself, but also those that are important to Mike.  

I don’t know how long it will take to get to the state of mind I am looking for, but I think I am moving along that path very quickly.  Maybe more than half way already?  I don’t know.  Much of it was simply an awareness.  Now that I am aware, I am more in tune and deliberate in my thinking.  While some “wrong” thoughts crop up, I typically squash them in nanoseconds.  Plus, I find they are cropping up less often.   The best way I could put it is that my default thinking is becoming submissive and focused on Mike.  Before, I would frequently have non-submissive thoughts that I had to think through and “defeat” in order to act submissive.  It’s like retraining my mind, such that submissiveness is a reflex and doesn’t require thought.  

THE SPANKING
My latest punishment was when I told Mike that I wasn’t planning on blogging about certain aspects of our immersion because my sisters might read it.  Mike spanked me because he said my thinking was a violation of my Self-Care clause in our Contract.  He used a pair of slippers, which is actually a first for us.  When he started I thought, “Well, that doesn’t feel like much” but I learned even slippers can pack a whollup if used hard enough and with enough strikes.  Yep, a very red bottom indeed!

While not an explicit violation, he said it clearly violated the spirit and intent of that clause.  He said, “You are being Rewarded because you were going to sacrifice something that gives you joy because of your desire to share certain things with your sisters.  I will not allow you to set a precedent and start censoring your blog because of concerns about what they think.  You said you weren’t concerned about them thinking anything negative, so either you were being dishonest with yourself and me, or your weren’t. Either way, you will share those things in your blog and you will be spanked.”    

In hindsight, I don’t regret  telling my sisters about TTWD, but perhaps I shouldn’t have told them about my blog!  Mike also reminded me what he said back when he agreed to allow me to “come out” to my sisters.  He was prophetic in that at that time he said there is no way to anticipate all the implications and once out, there was no un-telling them.

It is unnecessary for me to worry about what my sisters will think.  For one, I’ve shared a lot of things that would be major embarrassments for most people to share with their siblings.  In addition, my relationship with my sisters is unbreakable.   We already share so much with each other and there is no judgement, only love.  So with that, here are things Mike has shared with me and Kayla about some of the things he has planned for us.

IMMERSION PLANS
Full Body Flog

He said that there would be a day of extended flogging, spanking, and other punishments.  He said while there would be the requisite focus on our butt and breasts, he was going to also focus on things we typically don’t include — thighs, back, stomach, legs, palms, feet, and yes, the pussy.  

Jen’s “Special” Day 
One of the days I will basically be an “animal” for the day.  I must not speak, must only walk on all fours, eat out of bowls, etc.  He is allowing me to use a straw to drink from — it’s hard for humans to lap up liquids.  Our tongues just aren’t designed for that.  The more undignified part of it is not being able to use the bathroom.  He has designed a sort of large litter box for me to us.   Oh the joy.  . . NOT.   Kayla will assist in any necessary hygiene issues.

Kayla’s “Special” Day
For one of the days Kayla will basically be a “baby” for a day.  No speaking, must crawl to move around, must be fed by others, and she will be diapered and not allowed to use the bathroom.   An exploration of DDlg / ABDL.   Not to mention what I shared before about the pursuit of her “gang bang” fantasy.  I know that is a harsh word, but it is the word she actually uses, so, that’s how we refer to it. 

Other Stuff
He said we will not be allowed to wear a bra or panties when we go out.  He actually has a particular sun dress in mind for each of us to wear.  The fit is such that the ta-ta’s and the vajay-jay are well covered as long as we stay aware of the position of our bodies.  Lean too far one way or the other, or bend over, and, well, someone is in for a show. Going bra-less is less of an issue for Kayla, whose perky breasts do a good job of standing up on their own, but for my 3-kids later droopers, it is very obvious when I am not wearing a bra.  

Some of the less salacious ignominious activities are a “zero tolerance” on non-submissive behaviors.   He is already pretty strict on this but, as he puts it, he normally doesn’t go looking for reasons to punish us.  He will during the immersion.  

The examples he gave were things like making sure we immediately stop what we are doing when he is talking and make eye contact with him throughout.  Another is showing that we are enthusiastic about what he says and asks of us and that we are ensuring he is comfortable and doesn’t need anything (sexual or otherwise).  A new thing he added, which I find interesting, is that when we do speak to him he wants us to touch him.  Not sexually – it could just be touching his arm or back.  He said, “no talking to me unless you have physical contact with me in some way.”   He said the only exception is if we are restrained or have been told not to move.   This sounds like a fun challenge.  See, not everything involves a punishment or sex!

Those things are just SOME of what he has planned.  Last year was both physically and mentally challenging and it sounds like this year will be no different.  Who would have thunk it back when I first had this “idea” to pursue domestic discipline!  Oh the places we go! 

Our immersion will start in four to ten days.  Still working on the firm date.  Like last year, I might not be posting during it but at least I’ll have some fresh material to share when it’s done.        

NEXT: Post 146.  Slow Down!

 

122. Mischievous Mike and the Little Girl

mischiefgrin

I thought I’d share some of what went on when Mike and Kayla went to Florida together a few weeks ago (mentioned in Post 115. My Abundant Life).  

Mike had a business meeting in Orlando and he was the only one from his company attending.  It only needed to be a short overnight trip but Kayla asked to come along and he extended it to three nights.  It was a great opportunity for just the two of them bond without me.  Kayla was elated and so excited for them to play “couple.”  I mentioned before that far from minding this, I love this.  I loved Mike’s date night with Donna, and I loved the idea of him having time alone with Kayla.  I was also pleased to see Kayla so excited about it. 

THE TEASE
When they came back home I didn’t question them on specifics.  Just the general, “How was it?”  They didn’t provide many details, just the general, “it was nice, we had a good time.”   I purposely didn’t want to ask too many questions as I don’t want Mike or Kayla to feel compelled to tell me what they do.  Neither has an obligation to do so and while of course I am curious, I don’t have an expectation that they tell me.  It actually is part of the thrill I get.  I like being a bit in the dark about such things.  I can’t explain it.  I just know that even just writing about it is enough to get all those tingly love-chemicals flowing in my body.   Yummy. 

I did ask each of them if they learned anything knew about each other.  Kayla said she learned that Mike is more mischievous than she thought.  Mike said that he learned that Kayla was indeed willing to do as she was told, even when it exposes her insecurities. Now, the normal person would have said, “Do tell!”  But, not me.   It was like a game.  I didn’t want to let them know I was interested in the details, but they knew that I was and that I wouldn’t just come out and say so.  It was a game of will.  Who would break first? 

I simply said, “That’s good, I was hoping you all would learn something.”  I figured I would work on Kayla separately as I felt I could get her to “break” but that Mike  was as solid as Fort Knox and would never tell until I asked.  I was not going to ask! 

I knew Kayla was dying to tell me, so later I brought it up to her, first with an innocent question.  “So, what did you do when Mike was at his meeting?”   “Well Ma’am, we just sat around the hotel room,.” she replied.  

I followed with, “Did you all go anywhere fun?”    She answered, “Yes Ma’am, we went to Downtown Disney – now called Disney Springs, and we also swam at the hotel and we went to Howl at the Moon and to some dance bar.”

“What was the bar scene like?”   “Well Ma’am,” she said, “it was pretty typical.  A good crowd of mostly 20 to 30-somethings, loud, festive.  The usual stuff.”

“Oh, so, was the pool at the hotel heated?”   “No Ma’am, but it was indoors.” 

Damn, she wasn’t cracking.  My subsequent questions were all met with short and nondescript answers.  She’s good at this!

I continued for a week to try to bait her into details – nothing doing!   Finally, I broke.  One evening I said, “Okay, okay, y’all, so tell me some details of what you did in Florida.  Mike, what was it that you did that was so mischievous and Kayla, what did he have you do?”

Mike laughed and took on this facial expression that could only be described as the expression of sweet victory.  But he wasn’t going to just let me off easily.  He said, “You just have to know, don’t you?”   He wanted me to clearly admit defeat and admit my desire to know.   I remained coy.  “Well Sir, I am interested in learning more about how the two of you get along on your own and the types of things you did.”    His response was, “Well, we got along very well, and we did some kinky things, so, there you go.” 

He had me.  “Okay, okay, you win Sir. Yes, I have to know the details.”   He said, “But I thought you enjoy being kept in the dark.  Should I deny you that enjoyment?”   Ug, he was still not letting me off the hook.  

JEN RELENTS!
“Sir, yes, I do enjoy being kept in the dark, but I think of the feeling it gives me as the same feeling as foreplay.  It is a great sensation that I love, but at some point, you want to climax, and I just can’t take the foreplay any longer.  I am not asking for an accounting of the sex acts.  I have a good idea that there was plenty of that.  I just want to know about the fun you had.  It couldn’t have just been sex, sex, sex.  So, please share.”

THE STORIES
They shared a lot of crazy and fun stories of their time in Florida.  I gave each of their stories a name and the first one, “Little Girl” is by far my favorite.    It was a classic Mike induced challenge of wills and wit.   Mike loves to play these types of games with both of us, just like he did in making me crack and beg to hear their stories.  But on this trip with Kayla, perhaps Mike met his match?  Or did he? 

LITTLE GIRL
It started when they arrived at the airport to depart.  Mike told Kayla that until they got to their hotel room in Florida she was to play like a “helpless little girl” and needed to be “loud” about it.  He told her that her goal was to try to embarrass him and get him to tell her to stop.  If she gets him to do that she would get a treat.  If he gets her to break character, then he wins and there would be no treat. 

She went right into her role as soon as they got on the shuttle from the parking garage to the terminal.  She fairly loudly and in a baby girl voice said, “Daddy, I don’t feel so well. I think I need to go potty.”  She put her head on his shoulder and crosses her legs as if to hold it in.  Mike boldly said, “Sorry little girl, I didn’t hear you, what was that?” Instead of backing down with a “Never mind,” she even more loudly said, “I need to go potty now.” This clearly got the attention of others sitting around them.  Mike didn’t flinch and told her that it would only be a few minutes.  She up’d the ante by saying, “But Daddy, I am going to go in my pants if I have to wait.”   Mike went right back at her and calmly said, “Well honey, you wanted to wear your big girl pants today.  An accident wouldn’t be nice to all these people in the shuttle, we are almost there.”   Kayla didn’t have a come back other than a sad “Ooooh, Daddy.”  Advantage – Mike. 

It is only a short ride to the terminal.  When it was time to get off, Kayla said, “Daddy, I can’t walk.  If I walk I am gonna have an accident in my panties.  Can you carry me?”  They had luggage to carry and while Mike could carry Kayla, he doesn’t have the best back.  He didn’t want to risk hurting himself carrying her off the shuttle, plus, there was the luggage.  Check mate on Mike?

Nope.  Mike called her bluff and said, “Well fine, baby girl, then you’ll just have to have an accident, because I just can’t carry you.”   Apparently Kayla paused for a moment, as if contemplating whether she should have the accident.  She thought otherwise and just put on a pout and said, “Okay daddy, I’ll try to make it to the restroom.”   

They got off the shuttle and made their way to the security checkpoint.  When their id’s were being checked and with the TSA agent standing right next to them Kayla clearly said, “Daddy, what does that do?”   Mike responded, “That’s a scanner for them to scan your boarding pass”.  She then asked, “What’s a boarding pass?”  Mike calmly said, “Sweetie, it’s what let’s them know you bought a ticket for the plane ride.”  I am sure the TSA agent was like, “WTF!?!?”

When they got to the bins where you take off your shoes and stuff, Kayla said, “Daddy, let me take your belt off, please.”   Mike said, “No, I got it, you get your shoes off.”   Kayla was too smart for that.  “But Daddy, you always let me take your belt off when you are going to spank me, please please please, let me take it off.”   Mike sternly said, “No, not this time, the line needs to keep moving. Now don’t argue with me.”   Like an actress on cue, Kayla’s eyes got all watery and she put on a big pouty face.   After she went through the scanner and was waiting on the other side, one of the agents asked her what was wrong.  “My daddy yelled at me.”   Apparently the agent just shook their head and had no response to that!

Once through the scanners Kayla said, “Daddy, I need you to put on my shoes.”  Mike was nowhere near relenting and replied, “Okay darling, I will be glad to.”  As he was putting on her shoes she went back to the “I have to go potty” routine.  Mike said, “Okay, I’ll take you there next.”  “But daddy, you know I don’t like going potty alone.  I need you to take me all the way to the potty.”    OMG!  I can only imagine the reaction to those that were in earshot.   Mike simply said, “Okay honey, I will.” 

As they approached the door to the family bathroom, Kayla then loudly said, “You know daddy, I think I can go to the big girl restroom by myself, I don’t need your help.”  With equal volume, Mike said, “That’s so big girl of you sweetie, sure, you can use the big girl restroom.”  Yep, Mike could  dish it as well!   Advantage – Mike!

After several minutes Mike gets a text from Kayla. “Daddy, I need you to come in here, I need your help wiping.”  Mike waited to respond, trying to formulate a plan.  “Daddy, where are you, I will start calling out for you.”   Mike wasn’t sure what to do.  Advantage – Kayla!

Mike quickly thought and texted back, “Okay sweetie, which stall are you in?”   With the reply in hand, Mike then texted her with “Okay, just a minute.”  The next thing Kayla knew was that there was some lady knocking on the stall saying, “Kayla, is that you in there?  Your dad sent me to see if I can help.”    Yes, Mike asked a complete stranger to check on her.   In as little girl of a voice as she could muster she said, “No thank you, I’m okay.  Tell my daddy I will be right out.”    

The lady waited for her at the stall door.  I can only imagine the look on her face when Kayla opened the door.  Kayla said she couldn’t make eye contact with the lady, not because of embarrassment, but because she knew it would make her burst out laughing . She held back her laugh and just said, “Thank you ma’am, I’ve got it from here.”

Kayla said when she emerged from the bathroom, Mike had the same “sweet victory” look on his face that he just had when I relented and asked what they did in Florida.   Victory for Mike?  Not a chance, Kayla hadn’t conceded yet.  

They stopped for some snacks and there was some sort of stuffed animal in the store and Kayla loudly said, “Daddy, I want that stuffy.”   Mike simply said, “Sure, a stuffy for my baby girl it is.”   “Daddy, I want this too,” as she pulled some key chain trinket from a display.  “Okay hon, we will get it.”  “But Daddy, I want ALL the different colored ones.”  There were like eight or nine of these things and they were ridiculously priced at $7.99 each.  

“Okay, hon, but that’s a lot of money so it will come out of your allowance as Daddy doesn’t have that much to spend right now.”

Kayla persisted, “No daddy, I don’t want to spend my money.  I want them to be from you.  I never get anything from you and I want all of these and I want them now.”   Apparently Kayla got very loud and attracted the attention of everyone in this small store.  Mike pulled her close to him and he sternly whispered, “I knew you would be helpless.  I didn’t think you would be bratty.”   To that she sweetly replied, “But Daddy, I am helpless. I can’t stop myself from wanting what I want. . .(and dropping her baby girl voice for a moment)…and I want that treat you promised me.”

Mike called her bluff.  “Sorry darling, you just can’t always get what you want.”   Kayla didn’t relent and even very loudly said,  “I want it, I want it, I want it.  You are a mean daddy!”  Mike grabbed her arm and gave her butt a firm swat and said, “You don’t yell and if you yell again, you will get more of that.”   

Mike said the look in Kayla’s face was priceless.  At first there was this half smile, like she was going to laugh, but then it just shifted like a switch went off.  She had this evil, piercing look to herself and she took a deep breath, and opened her mouth and before more than a full second of a very loud, very high pitched shrill left her mouth, Mike cupped her mouth with his hand and said, “Okay, Kayla, you win.  You get your prize.”  

Check mate!   Winner – Kayla!

I loved this.  I shared before that Kayla tends to be shy and a bit of a wallflower.  This was so unlike her.  I asked her where she got the courage to do this.  She said she just put everything and everyone around her out of her mind, never made eye contact with people, and sort of “left herself.”  She said once she felt that she was no longer herself, it was pretty easy.  It amazes me she was that bold, especially when they hadn’t even left our hometown airport.  Yea, Kayla!

On subsequent posts I’ll share some of the other Florida happenings.  They mostly share a common theme of Mike pushing Kayla to lose her inhibitions and come out of her shell when in public.   

NEXT: 123. Mischievous Mike and the Swim

111. DD Jenny Style vs. Kayla Style

ddks

We all tried to think ahead of the potential surprises in store for us prior to Kayla moving in.  Well, we realized a blind spot in our prior thinking.

When I previously thought of Kayla coming to live with us, being submissive, and all that jazz, I thought of it mostly in the context of how she would fit in to my Domestic Discipline.  Mike and Kayla did as well.  We knew she would need and want some different things, but thought of it as mere tweaks. . . a little bend here, and little twist there. . . but basically having my DD as the foundation for hers.  Well that was dumb!   Of course, hindsight is always 20/20.

She has her own unique needs and desires. Some of her growing frustrations are a direct result of her trying to fit more into my “template” than simply creating her own from scratch. Don’t get me wrong, overall she is elated and amazed with her experience thus far, but it still includes some frustrations.  So, Kayla is taking another crack at better articulating , in a contract, what she wants and needs.  There isn’t any regret or animosity with this effort. It was simply a lesson learned for all of us. We all realize this is a discovery process for Kayla (and us) and what we discovered was that her needs and desires aren’t always met the same way mine are met. Duh!

Kayla’s DD has a bit more Discipline. . .
In just the three weeks since she moved in we have made many adjustments to address the needs Kayla is discovering. She is generally fine with the level of discipline and direction she receives from me – maybe a tad more than I started with, but not dramatically different.  But – she clearly wanted more and still wants more from Mike.  He has responded and is much more authoritarian with Kayla and much more picky – okay, I’ll say it – he is more mean.  But in a way she seems to respond to and enjoy.  Suffice to say, lots of spankings and other punishments!

He also lectures her more during a spanking than he does me. He also lectures her differently.   He often will pose things to her like, “Do you agree that what you did is….” “Therefore, do you agree that….,” “So, then you agree that you have earned such-and-such punishment?”   This approach has been helpful for Kayla. When she is left to infer something, she almost always infer negative thoughts. Mike’s approach basically explain the logic behind what is happening, leaving less to her imagination and fewer voids for her to fill with negative thoughts about herself.

Kayla tends to look at every punishment as a colossal failure on her part. This is one reason she feels she is so emotional and often starts crying well before being spanked.   Another major difference between her and I is that she deeply yearns for our approval, especially Mike’s.  We know Kayla tends to be a perfectionist and hard on herself. We have tried to remind her that a punishment is not an expression of our disapproval, and is about failing to meet the commits she made to herself.  We remind her that she doesn’t let us down, ever, and that she is not a failure, she is not defective, etc., etc. Despite this, she still feels the way she does. However, she says that in the short time she has been here she thinks she is becoming a little less hard on herself. To the extent her diminished level of crying represents progress, we agree she is improving. She still cries, even before some punishments begin, but not quite as much and she recovers faster.

Kayla has been quick to dispel any notions that the punishments are too much for her. She reassured us that whatever negative words she uses to describe her feelings when she fails, the punishments do not add to those negative feelings. In fact, she says she craves the punishment. She says she feels so good when it is over and we have our after care. She thinks the punishments act like an atonement and while those negative feelings may be present at the start, they are all gone by the end.   She says she has never had that before. No lingering shame, guilt, or embarrassment. Those feelings are replaced by all positive thoughts once she punished.  

We have to take her on her word on that, but I still don’t like that she has to go through those negative thoughts. That leads me to my realization that I need to remind myself that my DD is not Kayla’s DD.

Kayla’s DD is less selfish. . .
My DD is a bit selfish. It is about the terms I created and the commitments I made to myself.   It is that context that gives me my satisfaction from DD. Clearly, that is not Kayla. Kayla wants to serve others – primarily Mike.   She finds satisfaction through that service. She wants more direction and more rules. She wants a more authoritarian Dom. Her satisfaction comes from doing what is difficult and going above and beyond expectations. She has always been like that, but now, instead of lingering bad feelings when she fails, she feels absolved through punishment.  Instead of being demoralized in ruthless self-assessment and self-pity, she is “cleansed” and energized.

Not that I care to compare, but I realize that my version of DD is a bit lame. I say that in jest and with pride! I love my dynamic – and recognize that it is likely a bit more self-centered than most DD dynamics. I do call this blog, Domestic Discipline – Jenny Style! I created my DD to serve my needs. While it has evolved and Mike has broad discretion to do things I have not explicitly agreed to, I think with 25-years of marriage he sort of knows what I want and need.   While there have been times where what I “needed” went further than what I “wanted,” overall my limits have only been gently pushed, which is fine by me.    

Back to Kayla’s DD – Contrasting my dynamic, she wants to be pushed hard, she wants and needs more guidance, more feedback, more direction, more rules, and overall just more attention, good or bad. She has expressed that she doesn’t want to have to spell all these things out, and wants us to just push and push and she will let us know if we reach her limit.  So Mike and I have taken her at her word and stepped things up even more.

I’ve got to give kudos to Mike.  He is still able to be what I need him to be for me, while attending to Kayla’s evolving needs.  I think it helps that he and I are in it together with Kayla – although he does play a much larger role, he isn’t alone in addressing her needs.  

Kayla’s DD has a touch of M/s. . .
Kayla does a lot more “service” type work and is always looking to do more things. A bit like a M/s relationship, except she does so much on her own – and once she does them, she expects us to expect that she continues to do so. One of the more comical things was that the other day she was at the bathroom sink and Mike came in to pee. She said, “Let me help you with that, Sir.”   Mike was puzzled, and Kayla proceeded to wrap her arms around him from behind and reach over and unbutton, unzip, and pull down his pants. She aimed his penis at the toilet bowl and said, “Proceed when ready, Sir.” He told Mike that anytime she was around she is happy to help him this way, just let her know. And of course, now when he pees and he doesn’t call her over, she is very disappointed.

. . . and a touch of DD/lg
There are also some things that I am growing to identify as bordering on a DD/lg dynamic. I mentioned before our nighttime “tuck in” routine whenever she is sleeping in her room. It has become something she expects and needs and has been upset when it doesn’t occur. I actually physically tuck her in now and kiss her goodnight, and Mike will stop by her room when he is going to bed and whether she is asleep or awake, give her goodnight kiss and whisper goodnight.

One of her new favorite treats is being bathed by one of us. This started a few nights ago when she asked Mike to give her bath after a particularly intense Maintenance Session.  And it hasn’t just been Mike as the other night she asked if I would give her the bath. She says it is one of the most rewarding feelings she gets. Knowing she enjoys it does motivate us to want to do it for her, and, this new “privilege” can be taken away as punishment if needed.  And there’s more…

When she sleeps in her own room she asked me to come and wake her in the morning versus her setting her alarm, then she asked me to pick out her clothes, then, it led to her asking me to dress her. We had to adjust our morning routine a bit to wake up a little bit earlier so that I can do this for her.  DD, M/s, DD/lg, or whatever the label, I chalk it all up to simply helping define DD, Kayla style!  

Perfect Timing!
Kayla really came to us at a good time.   Had this occurred earlier, I would have not been ready to give up any of my energy to focus on Kayla nor would I have been ready for Mike to give up his focus and energy on me.  I can only imagine how miserable things would be if this all happened a year earlier, even just six months earlier. I could hear my prior self say, “I’ve got enough to deal with that I have to wake up five minutes early to deal with Kayla’s sh*t!”   Yep, it wouldn’t have been pretty. Things are humming along in my life that I welcome the opportunity to help nurture and support Kayla.

Oh – by the way, let me throw this little factoid in —

Mike has to go out of town – to Orlando – for a business meeting in February. Kayla asked if she could join him. Mike asked me my thoughts. I told him he did not need to seek my permission.  He didn’t like that answer and basically forced a direct answer from me. “Yes, I think it is a great idea. You all should think of it as an extended date or better yet, an extended scene. Pretend she is your wife, or girlfriend, or whatever. Really have some fun with it.”   I don’t think Mike fully believed me.   “Mike, I have to be honest and I am being honest. You know how excited I got when you went on that date with Donna. This even tops that. Really, I want this for you and for Kayla.”

So with that, Kayla will be going with him on this trip.

Oh, and speaking of Donna – I haven’t mentioned John and Donna in a while. Yes, they are around. Yes, we still see them. Perhaps more on that on my next post!?!    

NEXT: 112.  Pillow Talk