274. Got Milk(ing)? Immersion 2018

Missed-erectomy
Quick update – a few posts back I mentioned I am getting a hysterectomy.  I rescheduled it until early November.  I originally was going to have it Monday – which was the first day of school for J.  I decided I would rather wait until we settled in on a school routine – Kayla is back in school as well – before having to be laid up for a few weeks.   Yeah, a bit of a weak excuse.  The reality is I just am not looking forward to it.  But I will get it done this year.  Mike was supportive of me rescheduling.   Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming – – – 

DESIRE VS FANTASY
Although I may slip up now and then and refer to a desire as a fantasy, I want to point out what these words have different meanings to us.  We use the term “desire” for things we want to do.  We reserve the word “fantasy” for things we enjoy thinking about, but wouldn’t really want to do.  This goes way back to an early post (Post 16).  Funny, reading that post today gives me a chuckle.  We have become so comfortable sharing our sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies that I forget that it used to be uncomfortable to do so.   

MIKE’S DAIRY DESIRE
Read the prior post if you haven’t.   And now, I’ll get right to it.    Nurse Ann, or more accurately, Nursing Ann.  Yes, she is lactating. 

Adult breast-feeding has long been a desire of Mike’s, but I didn’t learn about it until about three years ago when we started opening up about such things.   Pity he didn’t share this fantasy back when I was breastfeeding.  But I also was in a different mindset and may have rejected the notion at that time.   I am so happy we can be open about such things now.   Ever since he told me of this desire I’ve kept it in the back of my mind, hopeful that I would come across the opportunity to help him fulfill it.  Well, now it’s done!

By the time Mister and Nurse Ann arrived early one morning, the rest of our entourage (John, Donna, Matt) had been with us at the rental for about two days.  Matt was leaving soon and John and Donna would be leaving after lunch.  Matt left soon after we wrapped up our “orgy,” leaving me, Matt, Kayla, John, and Donna with our new acquaintances.   

We were all naked, including Nurse Ann, who disrobed and masturbated as she watched all the sexual activities.  Mike then told us that they weren’t here just for the sex, and that Nurse Ann was here to breast feed “us.”   Yes, while her primary purpose was to fulfill Mike’s desire to breastfeed, we all would have a turn.

Mike went into the bedroom alone with Nurse Ann as he wanted it to be a more private experience.  In addition to nursing on Ann, she gave him a hand job.  I guess her and Mister don’t consider that sex re the “no sex with Ann” edict.   To each their own. 

Mike told me to go next, and he came into the bedroom with me and watched.  I already knew what to expect taste-wise as I had tasted my own breast milk way back when.  Yep, no change.  If you’ve never tried it I imagine it is a bit like taking a glass of milk, warming it, adding some water and adding a touch of sugar.  Yeah, watered down sweet milk, but not too watered down as the taste isn’t watery, just less, well, what’s the word? Less cow milky?   Ha!  That made me do a google search.  Here’s someone’s description that I thought was worth sharing.  

I enjoyed it, both for myself and because I know Mike enjoyed watching.  I enjoyed looking up into Ann’s eyes as I suckled and the look on her face.  I knew it was doing something for me sexually as I felt the moisture between my legs.  Mike could sense it as a few minutes into it he told me to finger myself.  He told me I had couldn’t stop sucking until I came.  I eventually did, but not until she reached down with her hand and began fingering me.

Nurse Ann then needed a break to recharge.  This gave us the opportunity to learn more about her and Mister.

MISTER AND ANN
They have two kids who were staying at grandparents (how familiar!), but they are older and not breastfeeding.  Turns out that while she did breastfeed them when they were babies, she stopped and her milk supply subsequently dried up.  A few years ago she “expressed” (hee-hee, that’s a breast-feeding joke), to her husband that she wanted to lactate as she, in her words said, she “wanted him to feed from her breasts.”

She actually induced milk production without getting pregnant.  She said it took about five months of work before she started producing, and then the production increased to where it is today – about three to four ounces every three to four hours.   A supply on par with someone nursing a baby.   And her and her husband have always had a kinky sex life that included other couples, that eventually she decided to continue producing milk as sort of their “thing” in TTWD.

We learned that at one time they were into full swapping, but evolved to where he is free to have sex with women as long as she is present, and she will only masturbate and watch or manually stimulate other men or women (check, check, and check).   Mister did say one downside to this kink is that sometimes her breasts and nipples get very tender, but that also is part of the pleasure she gets.  He quipped, “it’s hard to explain why they pain is also the pleasure,” to which I was quick to retort, “You don’t have to explain that to us!” 

I was intrigued by the concept of inducing lactation.  Apparently it just takes a combination of the right stimulation and herbal supplements (there are also prescription drugs).  I’ve since googled it and found adoptive mothers often do this and in some cultures, the grandmother does it as a way to provide a backup to the mother.  Who knew? 

I later said to Mike, “Sir, before the idea goes any further, I am calling ‘red’ on trying to get me to induce lactation.”   He smiled and admitted the thought crossed his mind but he wasn’t going to ask me to do it.  For one, we’ve been talking about me getting a breast reduction (which I’ve put off until some time next year due to my upcoming hysterectomy), and I can’t be lactating.  The other is my boobs are big and droopy enough – I don’t need them engorged and swollen ever again!

Kayla half-jokingly said she would be willing to try if it meant gaining a cup size, but Mike said he wouldn’t want her to do so with the warm and loving reply of  “No need to stretch those puppies as they are perfect as they are.”  hee hee.  Also, apparently it is much more challenging to induce lactation if you have never lactated previously – although I don’t know that for a fact, but it must be true as I read it somewhere on the internet!

OTHERS GET A TURN
Ann was ready to feed again by early afternoon.  Thus Kayla, John, and Donna got a turn.  Kayla was smitten.  She really loved it.  She quickly asked if she could do it again.  Mike said the plan was that we would all get the opportunity to do it at least once more and after that, it would be up to Nurse Ann to allow more.  

The second time around John declined and said, “Kayla can have mine if that’s okay.”   Which it was.   Mister and Nurse Ann stayed with us that entire day and spent the night, leaving early the next morning.  John and Donna left that afternoon.  Me, Mike, Kayla, and Mister had sex again before the night was done, and Kayla fed on Nurse Ann’s breasts a few more times.   

When it was time for bed, Kayla asked Mike and Miss Ann if she could have one more feeding before going to sleep.  She also asked if it could just be her and Miss Ann.  Up to that point me and Mike always watched.  Mike and Miss Ann agreed.   Mike and I went to our bedroom and Mister to his, leaving Miss Ann and Kayla alone in the living room. 

Quite some time had passed so Mike went out to the living room to see what was going on.  Miss Ann smiled at Mike as she was cradling Kayla’s head next to her breast.  Kayla was asleep.   She had completely drained one breast and had switched sides to suckle on the other and ended up falling asleep.   Mike motioned to Miss Ann to wait just a minute as he went to get me from the bedroom so I could see this.   

Mike felt this was a perfect transition to the next day which was Kayla’s DDlg/ABDL day.
He lifted Kayla up in his arms and carried her like baby.  She woke up and he told her to just relax.  He put her down on the floor outside the bathroom and gave her a sponge bath, then picked her up again and took her over to this pallet he had put together in the bedroom to serve as a makeshift crib for her.   He diapered her and covered her up and kissed her goodnight.   

And thus Mike coined our 2018 Immersion as the “Got Milk?” Immersion!

EPILOGUE
I am very happy that Mike got to fulfill this desire, and that Kayla enjoyed it so much and connected with the DDlg role play to the point she wants to do more of it.  I got a lot of our Got Milk Immersion as well, but it was much different from what I got out of last year’s “Forbidden Zone.” 

Last year was more about testing boundaries and exploring an M/s dynamic.   While this year included many of those same elements, while fun, they were less revealing since we had already done them.  And we had the mindset we weren’t looking to explore even deeper, darker, Master/slave activities.    The most important revelation from this year’s Immersion is that, as I shared in Post 272,  I one-hundred percent feel like I have arrived!    In that post I shared where it is that I arrived – but it may be interesting to share how I realized I was finally there.   

It may be interesting, then again, it may be stupid.  Such is the risk I take at being vulnerable and sharing my thoughts.   Next post!!

Next:  275. Active Submission vs. Passive Submission

 

16. Sexual Thoughts, Dreams, Desires, Fantasies.

I was asked what’s been the most difficult part of my DD lifestyle.  It’s being able to be discreet with a child in the home – DD isn’t always convenient.  We’ve found ways to accomplish a Reward Ceremony when our son is home and awake, but it’s tough.

Other than that, the hardest thing had to do with my “sex clause.”  In case you haven’t read my contract (please do), there is a clause that requires me to share my “sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, or fantasies.”  This was only added to our contract last October, so it is still fairly new.

I found that it initially was the most difficult part of our contract, but it is getting a lot easier.  It has been incredibly rewarding and Mike has reciprocated.  I think having such frank and honest discussions about myself made him comfortable to share the same with me.  But starting that conversation was very very uncomfortable, even after almost 25 years of marriage, we have never talked so frankly about sex.  It’s funny because it is now getting to the point that when we share, the other person is like, “yeah, yeah, whatever.”  We’ve come to understand that when it comes to what’s in our minds, we can all be sick as fuck and that is normal.

Couples Therapy Anyone?
Here’s some “couples therapy” to try if you want to have some amazing conversations with your partner. It’s only for couples who unconditionally trust in their love for their partner, and in their partner’s love for them.
– – – – If you’re insecure, then do not try this at home! – – – –

Sit down with your partner and have a discussion on the differences between sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies.  Then, if you are so bold, actually share your sexual thoughts, dreams, desires, and fantasies.  Not only share them in that discussion, but do so each time you had such a thought, dream, desire, or fantasy.  That is what Mike and I do!

Once you get over the terror and embarrassment, it becomes some of the most amazing conversations you will ever have with your partner. So step one for us was to agree on what the definitions where.

This is what we came up with for our definitions — any comments?   

What is a Sexual Thought?
Any idea that pops in my head about anything sexual and that idea is fairly short lived is a sexual thought.  Some examples include

• We are having sex and I have this thought of, “oh, I hope he goes there.”
• I see someone sexually attractive and think, “I wonder what they’d be like in bed.”
• Something brushes against my nipple and I think, “oh, that was kinda’ nice.”
• It is in and out of my head fairly quickly. My mind moves on to other things.

What is a Sexual Dream?
A dream are those things you have when you are asleep.  They are not those things you aspire or wish for, as we called those Desires.  So, it’s simply sharing our sex dreams. These can get crazy and include all sorts of weirdness and physically impossible sex acts.

What is a Sexual Desire?
These are the things we aspire to do, where we have strong feelings of wanting or wishing for.  The amazing thing about sharing these with your partner are that you can actually then do a lot of those things together.  The worst thing is that you find they just aren’t into even wanting to try that. Yes, that just sucks, and not in a good way.  Once you both share enough of your desires, you start to lose your concerns about shocking the other person or feeling embarrassed.  Believe me, after almost 25 years of marriage and a lot of desires already acted out, our remaining desires were pretty shocking and embarrassing.  Of course, then there are the desires that the other person can’t immediately fulfill for various reasons of which I’ll let your imagination determine.  But even if you can’t fulfill those things with your partner, you can still talk about whether or not you both agree on pursuing that fulfillment.   Here are some examples using the same situations from Sexual Thoughts:

• We are having sex and I tell him, “Please go there.”
• I see someone attractive and tell Mike, “I must take them to bed.” (Not saying this has happened, but not saying it hasn’t).
• Something brushes against my nipple and I immediately want my nipple clamps.
• It is in my head every time I think about what I want to do sexually.

What is Sexual Fantasy?
Ah! The things we fantasize about but wouldn’t actually want to do (for now) or that may implausible or impossible.  I added the “for now” because sometimes a fantasy turns into a desire.  For us, this exercise of sharing caused us to be so open and comfortable to sexually explore together, we both moved some things from the fantasy box to the desire box (and the “did that” box, giggle giggle).  But mostly, the fantasies stayed fantasies.  Again, using the same situations as before, the fantasy would look more like this

• We are having sex and my mind visualizes Mike’s cock going into both my ass and pussy at the same time.
• There is a group of friends of ours that I think about having an orgy with.
• Something brushes against my nipple and my mind envisions that it turns into lips and suckles me, then makes it way down to eat me until I cum.
• It is a recurring theme or even one time theme in my head when I want to escape in sexual thoughts or need something “more” to get myself turned on.

The fantasies are definitely the most fun and outrageous while also potentially the scariest to share.  Again, you must have complete confidence and trust in your love for each other with no hints of insecurity, else sharing these will cause distrust and jealously.

What did we share?
Of the fantasies I shared with Mike, probably the most shocking to him was the group sex/orgy fantasy with men and women that included Mike in the mix. Also there was the “stranger in the night” fantasy as I call it where I have sex with some random stranger, man or woman, and never know who they are, not even a name.  He also was pretty shocked at some of the humiliation type fantasies I have.   Mike asked me if I had any rape fantasies.  I would say the answer is no, but some similar elements.  For me that fantasy is more about being dominated with permission, and the dominant then won’t stop when I want them to.  They aren’t hurting me badly, but I definitely want them to stop and they won’t.  Oh, and that dominate can be male or female depending on my mood.

Of the fantasies that Mike shared with me, some of the more shocking ones were that his fantasies often involved me, either lots of people watching me or having sex with me.  He also had some pretty far out humiliation/submissive type fantasies.  By far the most shocking to me was the sharing me with a bunch of guy, like five or six at a time.

We did find one fantasy in common and that is I often fantasize about being the “center of attention” (COA).  Groups of people watching me masturbate or have sex.  Mike said he also fantasized about me being the COA.  So, if we both have the same fantasy does that mean we act on it?  Of course not, at least, not necessarily or not completely.   Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

One-time deal?
Sharing is not a one time proposition.  The fantasies don’t change that much but thoughts, dreams, and desires do.  Plus, all of them can recur over and over again.  We’ve got to a nighttime routine where we share our sexual thoughts of the day.   It can be comical and fun at times.  It means Mike may tell me about where his mind went at work because someone wore a low-cut blouse that day, or I may tell him I had visions of dick while I had a banana that day.

Our DD lifestyle has opened us up in so many ways, and sexually is one of those ways.  We have sex just about every night, and a good number are marathon sessions.  We’ve found we have to go to bed earlier so that we can still get a good night’s rest.  After all, one of my self-care requirements is that I get good rest.  I’ll joke with him that we both need to cum quick else he will have to spank me for staying up too late.   Hum….maybe if he did the latter, we could accomplish the former?

That leads me this…. Is spanking a part of sex for us?  Prior to DD, no, not really.  Some light spanking sometimes when we did doggy, but that’s it.   Now, we actually both spank each other.  Not the “bend over for a spanking” spanking, but the slapping of the ass as we fuck…and sometimes some very hard slapping.  While the “bend over” type spankings are reserved for Transgressions, overall our sex is more physical.  He slaps my breasts and pussy harder than before, and I slap his cock harder than before.  We also use a lot more toys than before and I almost always wear the nipple clamps during sex.   Overall there is more physical “pounding” of our bodies and at the same time a lot more “play” that isn’t just penetration.

Okay, I thought maybe I could distract you with changing the subject.  I know what you’ve been wanting to ask since about half way through this post.  “So, Jennifer, what things went from the “fantasy” box to the “desire” box to the “did that” box?  

That will have to be for another post!
Next – 17. Short Post