335. The Bond of Sex

Uh, not that kind of Bond, although he sure did have a lot of sex.  Btw, I don’t think of Daniel Craig when I think of Bond.  I guess I am showing my age but Roger Moore comes to mind first, then Sean Connery.  After that, Pierce Brosnan.  I digress. 

Sex must remain an invulnerable, untouchable, inalienable, non-negotiable, unassailable, sacred, absolute, BOND exclusively between TWO people. 

This bond is the wrapper on most relationships.  The slightest threat can puncture the wrapper, spilling the contents of the relationship on the ground like roadkill.

I am going to try and contain my rant as that is not the point of this post, but, it’s sad.  People who are otherwise loving and nurturing to each other will allow the relationship to vaporize due to a violation of that bond.   I almost agree with that bond, except the exclusive part.   There is no reason for exclusive sex to be the super-glue to a relationship that, once dissolved, takes the relationship with it.

While we feel that way, we know each one of our play partners has their own variations of what sex means for them.  With all the sex that is going on (honestly, it is probably less than most of you think), there is bound to be an incident that violates what sex means to someone or means to one of the relationships.  Sex can be a bit like gunpowder and each additional person added to your “Circle of Trust” increases the chance of ignition.  

We’ve been fortunate to avoid such “ignition,” primarily because we openly communicate and frequently check in with each other.  But. . .

NEW YORK CITY
I previously shared that for a graduation gift we paid for a New York City vacation for Kayla and a friend.   She went with Chelsea.   You’ll have to read the prior posts about her and her husband, Jaime, to get the full story on their dynamic.   The short story is that it is a DD with some D/s dynamic with Chelsea submissive to Jaime.

This was Chelsea’s first time away from her husband, Jaime.  Although Chelsea is heterosexual, Jaime specifically told Chelsea not to have sex with Kayla.  Apparently, they had been considering a threesome with Kayla and while not consummated, Jaime wanted to make sure Chelsea didn’t venture out on her own during this trip.  Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike also told Kayla not to have sex with Chelsea.

Girls will be girls!  Together in the big city for the first time.  The lights, the festivities, the excitement. . . and they had sex with each other.

Even though they knew they had disobeyed they decided to admit to it.  Subsequently, Jaime was mad at Chelsea while Mike was upset with Kayla.  It’s one thing to slip up in the moment, but this was serious as they both clearly chose to ignore their instructions.

Further, Chelsea and Kayla got upset with each other, blaming the other for letting their intimacy get out of hand.   Chelsea was further upset because Kayla said that Chelsea wanted to keep it a secret and Kayla had to convince her they had to tell.  The bottom line — there was drama!

Keep in mind both of them are young adults, 23-24.  Not to say that is particularly young, but clearly, neither have experienced this type of “betrayal” whether it be their friendship or their marriages.  Did I say there was drama?

SPANKY SPANKY
Fortunately and surprisingly, I was not very involved in this.  Mike sorted it all it out.  I know they both received spankings from their husbands and not only did it also include Jaime spanking Kayla and Mike spanking Chelsea, but Kayla and Chelsea even had to spank each other.  Nothing like a spank-fest to settle a problem!

From Mike’s perspective, Kayla’s issue was the disobedience towards him and the disrespect for Jaime.   From Jaime’s perspective, Chelsea’s transgression went beyond disobedience or disrespect.  She had sex with someone else!  The two of them had been monogamous up to that point (sort of — a bit of foreshadowing), and Chelsea had never been with a woman before.

Jaime was dealing with a lot, and he’s not the most secure guy.  He is still working at being the husband Chelsea wants him to be regarding her submission.

THEN TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE
Wait, didn’t I just say, “sort of” in describing them as monogamous?    Something else came out of their NYC trip.

During the trip, Chelsea told Kayla that she sucked Mike’s dick.  Kayla wasn’t aware of that, nor was I.  We all know that Mike goes over to Jaime and Chelsea’s quite a bit to help with discipline (that can be a post all of its own).   Mike has administered spankings and other discipline towards Chelsea many times, ostensibly to “teach” Jaime (again, fodder for another post). 

Chelsea developed a big crush on Mike.  She was always honest and open about her feelings, which had to be hard on Jaime.  It was always in the context that she loved Jaime dearly and wants to be with him, but that she did develop feelings towards Mike.  Jaime seemed to handle it well, probably because he admires Mike a lot, gets a lot of personal joy out of the whole dynamic, and he accepted that Chelsea wasn’t looking to leave him. 

Apparently, one of the times Mike was at their place, Jaime asked him if Chelsea could suck his cock.   Jaime told him something like, “I think we’re ready to try some swinging or poly or whatever it is and I want to see what she will do if I tell her.”  Mike told him something like, “If this is a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow.  Let’s all three talk about this and give it some time.”  Apparently, the three of them did and Mike got good enough vibes about it that a few days later, the deed was done.

Jaime asked Mike and Chelsea not to tell anyone about it (i.e. me and Kayla) as Jaime said he was “processing” it all.  He said he felt embarrassed, both for wanting it and for allowing it, as well as for Chelsea’s willingness to do it.   Jaime was also worried about a variety of other things about “what this meant.”  He wasn’t prepared for how it made him feel after it had happened.

Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike agreed not to tell us.  He isn’t required to do so and I have no qualms about it.   My concern had nothing to do with someone giving him oral sex.  My concern was that Chelsea is Kayla’s good friend.  Anything that could jeopardize Jaime and Chelsea’s relationship with Mike will likely automatically jeopardize Chelsea’s friendship with Kayla. It just doesn’t seem fair that Mike would jeopardize Kayla’s good friendship.

From Mike’s perspective, there was already any number of discipline-related things he already did with Jaime and Chelsea that could have had an impact on Chelsea and Kayla’s friendship.  It never did.  Mike has spanked Chelsea, seen her naked, inserted butt plugs, administered enemas, and whipped practically all parts of her body.  So in Mike’s defense, is a b.j. really a tipping point to something unacceptable?

Remember the “bond” at the start of this post?  The things that threaten that bond are different for everyone.  So Jaime was processing his own emotions about it all, as was Chelsea and as was Kayla, Mike, and even me.  My issue, as was Kayla’s, was the secrecy.  Again, not that Mike owed us that information, but Chelsea is Kayla’s friend.  Kayla doesn’t have many friends her age and the two of them have become close.  Secrets put everyone in a bad spot and set a dangerous precedent.  Justifying that secret makes it easy to justify the next and the next and the next.   The one ingredient that holds relationships together more than any other is TRUST!

Mike agreed that as far as our mutual friendships go, there can not be any secrets when it comes to TTWD.   HOWEVER, it’s easy to fault “the secret” as the cause of the problem.  Who knows?  The drama may have been WORSE had it not been a secret.  Jaime wasn’t ready to deal with the emotions of his decision and maybe things would have been worse had he been forced to do so as soon as it happened.

Maybe it was better it was kept secret for a while.  It allowed Jaime time to process his emotions.  Thanks to Chelsea spilling the beans it may not have been as much time as Jaime would have liked, but, it turned out he was ready to reconcile it in his mind.   Getting it out there forced him to discuss and ultimately reconcile his feelings about it.  In the end, he felt good about it.  This was evidenced by them agreeing to join us at Immersion and Jaime and Chelsea even had their three-way with Kayla.  

During Immersion Jaime even joked,  “How do you reconcile a b.j.?  With a three-way!”    I guess you had to be there as it was very funny, especially coming from Jaime.

The drama was resolved and all is well.  But really, the whole relationship that Mike has with Jaime and Chelsea is a bit odd.  Which probably sounds funny coming from me and the countless oddities in my life.   Odd is a bit harsh.  Different!  Yeah, that’s the word.  Anyway, I’ll post about it sometime!

Next:  336.  Hello for the Kinky Side