Uh, not that kind of Bond, although he sure did have a lot of sex. Btw, I don’t think of Daniel Craig when I think of Bond. I guess I am showing my age but Roger Moore comes to mind first, then Sean Connery. After that, Pierce Brosnan. I digress.
Sex must remain an invulnerable, untouchable, inalienable, non-negotiable, unassailable, sacred, absolute, BOND exclusively between TWO people.
This bond is the wrapper on most relationships. The slightest threat can puncture the wrapper, spilling the contents of the relationship on the ground like roadkill.
I am going to try and contain my rant as that is not the point of this post, but, it’s sad. People who are otherwise loving and nurturing to each other will allow the relationship to vaporize due to a violation of that bond. I almost agree with that bond, except the exclusive part. There is no reason for exclusive sex to be the super-glue to a relationship that, once dissolved, takes the relationship with it.
While we feel that way, we know each one of our play partners has their own variations of what sex means for them. With all the sex that is going on (honestly, it is probably less than most of you think), there is bound to be an incident that violates what sex means to someone or means to one of the relationships. Sex can be a bit like gunpowder and each additional person added to your “Circle of Trust” increases the chance of ignition.
We’ve been fortunate to avoid such “ignition,” primarily because we openly communicate and frequently check in with each other. But. . .
NEW YORK CITY
I previously shared that for a graduation gift we paid for a New York City vacation for Kayla and a friend. She went with Chelsea. You’ll have to read the prior posts about her and her husband, Jaime, to get the full story on their dynamic. The short story is that it is a DD with some D/s dynamic with Chelsea submissive to Jaime.
This was Chelsea’s first time away from her husband, Jaime. Although Chelsea is heterosexual, Jaime specifically told Chelsea not to have sex with Kayla. Apparently, they had been considering a threesome with Kayla and while not consummated, Jaime wanted to make sure Chelsea didn’t venture out on her own during this trip. Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike also told Kayla not to have sex with Chelsea.
Girls will be girls! Together in the big city for the first time. The lights, the festivities, the excitement. . . and they had sex with each other.
Even though they knew they had disobeyed they decided to admit to it. Subsequently, Jaime was mad at Chelsea while Mike was upset with Kayla. It’s one thing to slip up in the moment, but this was serious as they both clearly chose to ignore their instructions.
Further, Chelsea and Kayla got upset with each other, blaming the other for letting their intimacy get out of hand. Chelsea was further upset because Kayla said that Chelsea wanted to keep it a secret and Kayla had to convince her they had to tell. The bottom line — there was drama!
Keep in mind both of them are young adults, 23-24. Not to say that is particularly young, but clearly, neither have experienced this type of “betrayal” whether it be their friendship or their marriages. Did I say there was drama?
Fortunately and surprisingly, I was not very involved in this. Mike sorted it all it out. I know they both received spankings from their husbands and not only did it also include Jaime spanking Kayla and Mike spanking Chelsea, but Kayla and Chelsea even had to spank each other. Nothing like a spank-fest to settle a problem!
From Mike’s perspective, Kayla’s issue was the disobedience towards him and the disrespect for Jaime. From Jaime’s perspective, Chelsea’s transgression went beyond disobedience or disrespect. She had sex with someone else! The two of them had been monogamous up to that point (sort of — a bit of foreshadowing), and Chelsea had never been with a woman before.
Jaime was dealing with a lot, and he’s not the most secure guy. He is still working at being the husband Chelsea wants him to be regarding her submission.
THEN TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE
Wait, didn’t I just say, “sort of” in describing them as monogamous? Something else came out of their NYC trip.
During the trip, Chelsea told Kayla that she sucked Mike’s dick. Kayla wasn’t aware of that, nor was I. We all know that Mike goes over to Jaime and Chelsea’s quite a bit to help with discipline (that can be a post all of its own). Mike has administered spankings and other discipline towards Chelsea many times, ostensibly to “teach” Jaime (again, fodder for another post).
Chelsea developed a big crush on Mike. She was always honest and open about her feelings, which had to be hard on Jaime. It was always in the context that she loved Jaime dearly and wants to be with him, but that she did develop feelings towards Mike. Jaime seemed to handle it well, probably because he admires Mike a lot, gets a lot of personal joy out of the whole dynamic, and he accepted that Chelsea wasn’t looking to leave him.
Apparently, one of the times Mike was at their place, Jaime asked him if Chelsea could suck his cock. Jaime told him something like, “I think we’re ready to try some swinging or poly or whatever it is and I want to see what she will do if I tell her.” Mike told him something like, “If this is a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow. Let’s all three talk about this and give it some time.” Apparently, the three of them did and Mike got good enough vibes about it that a few days later, the deed was done.
Jaime asked Mike and Chelsea not to tell anyone about it (i.e. me and Kayla) as Jaime said he was “processing” it all. He said he felt embarrassed, both for wanting it and for allowing it, as well as for Chelsea’s willingness to do it. Jaime was also worried about a variety of other things about “what this meant.” He wasn’t prepared for how it made him feel after it had happened.
Out of respect for Jaime’s wishes, Mike agreed not to tell us. He isn’t required to do so and I have no qualms about it. My concern had nothing to do with someone giving him oral sex. My concern was that Chelsea is Kayla’s good friend. Anything that could jeopardize Jaime and Chelsea’s relationship with Mike will likely automatically jeopardize Chelsea’s friendship with Kayla. It just doesn’t seem fair that Mike would jeopardize Kayla’s good friendship.
From Mike’s perspective, there was already any number of discipline-related things he already did with Jaime and Chelsea that could have had an impact on Chelsea and Kayla’s friendship. It never did. Mike has spanked Chelsea, seen her naked, inserted butt plugs, administered enemas, and whipped practically all parts of her body. So in Mike’s defense, is a b.j. really a tipping point to something unacceptable?
Remember the “bond” at the start of this post? The things that threaten that bond are different for everyone. So Jaime was processing his own emotions about it all, as was Chelsea and as was Kayla, Mike, and even me. My issue, as was Kayla’s, was the secrecy. Again, not that Mike owed us that information, but Chelsea is Kayla’s friend. Kayla doesn’t have many friends her age and the two of them have become close. Secrets put everyone in a bad spot and set a dangerous precedent. Justifying that secret makes it easy to justify the next and the next and the next. The one ingredient that holds relationships together more than any other is TRUST!
Mike agreed that as far as our mutual friendships go, there can not be any secrets when it comes to TTWD. HOWEVER, it’s easy to fault “the secret” as the cause of the problem. Who knows? The drama may have been WORSE had it not been a secret. Jaime wasn’t ready to deal with the emotions of his decision and maybe things would have been worse had he been forced to do so as soon as it happened.
Maybe it was better it was kept secret for a while. It allowed Jaime time to process his emotions. Thanks to Chelsea spilling the beans it may not have been as much time as Jaime would have liked, but, it turned out he was ready to reconcile it in his mind. Getting it out there forced him to discuss and ultimately reconcile his feelings about it. In the end, he felt good about it. This was evidenced by them agreeing to join us at Immersion and Jaime and Chelsea even had their three-way with Kayla.
During Immersion Jaime even joked, “How do you reconcile a b.j.? With a three-way!” I guess you had to be there as it was very funny, especially coming from Jaime.
The drama was resolved and all is well. But really, the whole relationship that Mike has with Jaime and Chelsea is a bit odd. Which probably sounds funny coming from me and the countless oddities in my life. Odd is a bit harsh. Different! Yeah, that’s the word. Anyway, I’ll post about it sometime!
22 thoughts on “335. The Bond of Sex”
I’m with Andi, and JA. All your many blog followers are concerned, at least let us know you’re okay or that you’re not blogging any longer.
Hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas, desert rose
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Sorry. Yes, all is well, very well. Didn’t intend for such a long respite. It will just mean I have that much more to share when I get back to blogging. Hopefully soon! Thank you for the concern.
Jen- Happy you’re fine just concerned that Super Bowl week is here again and I remember back 2yrs ago. Sorry to be a bother. Andi
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I completely forgot about that. Gee, thanks for reminding me. J/k
Thank you! All is well. I do plan to blog again. Just not sure when. My self imposed hiatus has def been longer than I expected.
Dear Lady -This has been a very long dry spell. Hope your are ok and not an enforced time out or worst yet a goodbye. Saw your updates that you made in Nov. Hope you and family have a great Xmas. Maybe a little note from you for the followers. Take care. Andi
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Thanks. Still alive and kicking! And thriving. Will get back to blogging at some point. Life is full!!
Everything is great. Sorry to have ghosted everyone. I actually have a couple of posts i just need to finish. My absence is self imposed and for no specific reason. I’ll share the various influences when i next post, but again, it’s just me being weird and nothing bad or negative going on in life. – quite the contrary. Thank you for your concern and sticking with me. I know it’s not the way to treat readers, but i also know it’s best for readers and for me that i blog when motivated to do so. Hopefully soon.
You have not posted lately. Is everythingh OK?
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In certain situations, there’s a difference between the sex you have with your “core partner” and the sex you have with others, ya know, if y’all got it like that. Once your circle goes +1 (or more), you get differing ideas of what sex is, how it’s supposed to be done, and all that right along with differing boundaries that must be kept track of and respected.
The more, the merrier… but it can be like playing with nitroglycerin – dynamite is way safer to handle than this very finicky stuff. I agree that sex is a bond that ties a couple together… but that other stuff you wrote? Poppycock and balderdash! Outdated. Passe. That mindset is responsible for more relationships going down the drain when kicking that crap to the curb and redefining how sex binds the relationship could have saved it from an untimely and horrible end.
Sometimes, it’s not really the sex that can blow up in your face – it’s management and logistics and I’ve seen a lot of people who are +1 (and more) do some crazy stuff trying not to let sex happen when it’s supposed to, trying to make very sure that any sex being had is disconnected from their emotions and other such things up to and including a catastrophic inability to be flexible and adaptive; any rules violations will be dealt with harshly and, in most situations, not in a happy DD kind of way.
Oh, the stories I can tell about this!
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Do tell! There’s fodder for your next post! I agree the “exclusive” word is what makes it poppycock, balderdash, outdated, and passe. And yes, trying to micro manage the logistics of +1, +2, etc., can be counterproductive. Would love to hear about how such micro managing ignited the nitro!
Because you asked, I’ll write it!
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Always looked at your dynamic as Mike and Jenn being the foundation and all others circle the wagon. Has it evolved to the point where Mike could not trust you with that secret. Know that it is just me but your wife is your first line of defense. Do you think the threesome will continue? Due the odd relationship, do you think Mike will continue to get more involve. You are amazing and do not want to see you hurt.
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Aww shucks! Amazing? Really. Gee wiz. Thank you!
I agree and often talk with Mike about the fact that we seem to set the tone for all the other relationships. We didn’t intend for it to be that way, but it’s a fact we can’t ignore and must take as a serious responsibility. I like to think its because we are easy going, non-judgemental, and so transparent with our feelings that it puts others at ease. Simply, it allows them to be vulnerable to their mate and to us.
I don’t believe the issue with that secret was one of trust. It was simply Mike respecting Jaime’s wishes. What would I do with that information anyway other than perhaps tell Kayla, which I wouldn’t do if instructed not to. I think Mike didn’t want to violate the trust Jaime has in him – which is tremendous and will be the topic of my next post. I have to laugh because I am not certain of which threesome you speak. Makes me think, “Man, my life as sure evolved in the last four years.” I don’t think I’ve ever uttered that phrase before re “Which threesome are you talking about?” LOL.
Anyway, I think you mean Kayla, Chelsea, and Jaime. If so, that’s up to them as long as Mike doesn’t prohibit Kayla from being involved. It hasn’t happened since Immersion but I assume the three of them are up for a recurrence. I haven’t asked. As for Mike’s involvement with them, that’s up to him as well. Wherever it goes, I don’t see any outcome that would hurt me. I am fine with wherever it takes them. I am totally and completely secure in my place in Mike’s heart. As I’ve written at some point before, love is not pie, and sex certainly is not pie (although, in some ways it is, hee-hee). That is to say, it is not finite. You can share it and give a piece to someone else yet not reduce the amount you have to give to someone else.
Oooh. Been there! HD and I had a similar issue when we were first together. We were in early stages of exploring poly with another kinky couple, he jumped the gun on sex, we ended up having a lot of drama (I will admit, from me). This led to an estrangement we haven’t reconciled yet (and I don’t know if we will). It was a trying time.
I’m glad things were worked out and everyone was able to move forward. 🙂 I imagine Kayla and Chelsea had a hard time sitting for a while though. Oof.
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How everyone in your “circle of trust” makes this all work astonishes me continually.
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I think what makes it work is everyone has gone at their own pace and no overt pressure. I say overt because of the “Kink Think” pressures that can naturally occur. We also make it a point to talk a lot. Imagine that! Jen talking a lot! Seriously though, we’ve been at communicating and taking our time. As Mike had said to Jaime and Chelsea, “if it’s a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow.” We’ve used that line before to sort of cool our passions before jumping into something we hadn’t discussed before.
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