299. PSA – Stop Being so Hard on Yourself

Wow, three days in a row of posting! Yea me!

I ended a prior post with,  “Love without limits, and you get loved without limits. “

I need to add, “Love YOURSELF without limits, and you can then love without limits, and get loved without limits.”

NEGATIVITY BIAS
Sometimes it’s worth taking a break from the salacious kinky stuff and make sure emotionally we are dealing with any negative thoughts that may arise from our hedonism.  I wrote of this in 277. Understanding myself and my submission, and even a bit in 246.  Subconsciousness of Wrong.  I only recently came across an article that has prompted me to revisit that topic

Let’s face it, when it comes to our kinks, society conditions us to feel guilt, shame, and more shame, and then more guilt mixed in with a bit more shame, all in nice big guilt wrapper with a giant shame-bow at the top.  There’s an undeniable negativity bias regarding our feelings when it comes to our kinks.

BIAS BIAS EVERYWHERE
I have always been intrigued by bias.   I believe I included this link before about the 12 Common Biases that Affect How We Make Everyday Decisions.  or perhaps the 15 Logical Fallacies You Should Know Before Getting Into a Debate.  Yeah, we all have biases and we all fall for various logical fallacies at times.  And since no one seems to teach critical thinking, society seems to be falling for more and more of these.  But Trump followers notwithstanding, “negativity bias” is especially insidious.  

“It can lead to ruminative thoughts that interfere with our productivity, and it can impact our bodies by stimulating inflammatory mechanisms that lead to chronic illness and accelerate aging.”  (That sentence sounds better when said with an English accent in my head.  Try it and I think you’ll agree). 

Sure, those aren’t my words, they are from the article.  But it’s saying, negativity bias can literally kill us.   Instead of me giving my dime-store analysis on negativity bias, I encourage you to read the article linked below.  It is absent any kink (sorry you pervs), but has real-world application to everyone, especially kinksters who may sometimes have negative thoughts about their proclivities.

I do want to add this comment though – I consider myself very self-compassionate.  Sure, I tease myself about different things.  Did you know my boobs are saggy?  Yeah, I’ve never mentioned it, except maybe once or a hundred times.  hee-hee.  Anyway, my favorite line of this article is that self-compassion spurs positive adjustment in the face of regrets.

I think my Domestic Discipline journey has been all about positive adjustments in the face of regrets.  In fact, being spanked is in many ways a positive adjustment in the face of regret.    Yeah, I just connected self-compassion with allowing my husband to spank me.  {Mic drop}.

Okay, enough from me.  I strongly encourage you to check out this article.

Next: 300. Don da da don! 300th post – and it’s Intense!

 

286. We are not okay, but we will be

We interrupt this blog with an important message. 

Religion or politics?  Pick your poison.    

Well, I am going to pick politics.  But before you click away screaming, I hope you stay with me on this one.   

Although my conclusions are things you have heard before (which means you’ll either love them or hate them), remember – this is Jenny.   It isn’t just about the destination and stating my personal conclusions.  It’s about how I reconciled the thoughts in my head that influence the ultimate actions and viewpoints I have. 

In other words, that means one of two things, or a combination of both.  An esoteric ramble or a rant.   Let’s call this one an esoteric rant!  

Even if you hate the destination, maybe you’ll find the journey interesting.   Probably not, but, oh well.  It was important to me to make it abundantly clear where I stand politically.  When the crap ultimately hits the fan, I don’t want there to be any doubt as to where I stood.

For readers outside the U.S., I hope you find my take on this interesting and clarifying.  For those in the U.S., well, damn it, just vote!

WHAT DO I STAND FOR?
I stand for democratic principles – principals that have been the hallmark of what it means to be an American since the founding of our nation.   Yes, there were times and are times when our actions stand in contrast with those principles.  But the ideals of democracy have been so valued and sacred to Americans that they always push us towards fully embracing those principles for everyone.

And when those ideals push us, it is always uncomfortable for those being pushed, but short of our Civil War, no group of Americans betrayed their country and pushed back in civil war.  Of course, in that war, it was our government pushing democratic principles on the South.  What if it were the other way around?  What if it was the people pushing democratic principles and the government pushing back?   And wouldn’t it be ironic if the government that was pushing back was in power because of the South?   Wow, that would be some interesting fiction. 

Oh well, that would never happen in a democracy.  In a democracy the government is representative of the people.  Hold that thought.    

PARTY AFFILIATION?
I was a Republican for quite some time.  The GOP I was first exposed to was billed as the party with the ideals of Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt.  I was taught to think that was still the case.  Once I took the time to question things and seek my own answers, something clicked in me.  Those ideals were not the ideals of Reagan, Bush I or II, and certainly are not the ideals of the right-wing extremist party of Trump.  Those ideals still existed, but they now existed somewhere else.  Consider that I am for these ideals:  

• The spirit of our people is the strength of our nation.
• America does not prosper unless all Americans prosper.
• Government must have a heart as well as a head.
• Courage in principle, cooperation in practice, make freedom possible.

These are the ideals in the platform of the Democratic Party… oops, did I say Democratic Party?  I meant, the Republican Party.   However, it is from the GOP circa 1956.   Yes, the GOP once was the progressive party.  The Democrats of that time were controlled by the “Dixiecrats,” the Southern Democrats who basically molded their behavior around that of a modern-day plantation owner.  Scum every one of them. 

What changed?  

CHANGE 1 – PARTIES FLIP (late 60’s/early 70’s)
Kennedy was a new type of Democrat – progressive on social issues.  Nixon was a new type of Republican – one who is willing to suspend the mechanisms of democracy in order to win for himself.  And his aide, Pat Buchanan, saw an opportunity to bust the Democrats strong hold in the South.

They saw the South as easy prey.  Southerners had a long history of voting against their self-interest if it meant they got to hold on to their racism.   The new GOP would see to it that they catered to that racism and continued the racist policies of the Dixiecrats.  

They also made a bet.  They needed the religious vote, especially among Catholics who at the time voted overwhelming for Democrats.  How could they get these people to switch their votes and abandon their self interests?  Abortion!  They would see to it that anti-abortion became a lynch pin in their platform.  What?  You thought they did this on moral grounds?  No, it was strictly a political play.

Still needing another issue, the polls told them that gun ownership could be as emotionally charged as abortion.  So GOP went all in on scaring Americans that Democrats would take their guns and they’ve kept up that scare ever since. 

Those bets paid off.  By the start of the 1980’s, the South had stopped electing racist, corrupt, Dixiecrats, and started electing racist, corrupt, Republicans.   Thus the great southern tradition of voting against ones self interests continued.  As long as Bubba got to keep his racism, keep his guns, and push an anti-abortion view, they would give up on education, infrastructure, healthcare, etc.  The South remains at the bottom of practically every metric that measures wealth and prosperity and at the top of practically every metric that measures government hand outs.   

Yep, them Southerners are basically economic socialists sucking off the government teat and they don’t even know it.  Hey, but at least Georgia still makes it hard for African-Americans and Latino’s to vote, Mississippi has prisons overflowing with African Americans who are used as a (slave) labor pool to do work for pennies an hour, and Kentucky joins six other Southern states as being down to their last clinic that can perform safe abortions.  Yee-haw!! 

There was a problem.  While the GOP continued what Nixon started, there were still plenty of GOP leaders, mostly outside the South, that provided some balance to the party.  Over time, these GOP leaders became to be ridiculed as “moderates.”  

CHANGE 2 – PURGE THE GOP MODERATES (2008)
In 2008 the tea-baggers happened (Tea Party movement).  They ousted the moderates in the GOP.

Lyin’ Ted Cruz is a great example.  Although David Dewhurst wasn’t much of “moderate,” he was too much of one for the extremist right.   The extremists tapped Cruz and heavily funded him for a seat in the Texas legislature.  He first had to run hard against well respected and fellow Republican, David Dewhurst.  Cruz did so by calling out Dewhurst  as “a moderate.”   

That label was used over and over by these new extremists to unseat moderate after moderate, in elections throughout the country.  Cruz beat Dewhurst, then beat the Democrat candidate and joined the Texas legislature.  Cruz was then tapped by the extremists tea-baggers who funded him to now run for a Senate seat.  He went about winning it much the same way – calling any potential GOP opponent a “moderate.”   

CHANGE 3 – VOTER SUPPRESSION
I don’t need to state much as there is so much already out there on this.  Gerrymandering, voter suppression, and now, outright hacking, has become an important tool for the GOP to maintain power.  None of these efforts would be championed by the GOP if the electorate were likely to vote GOP. 

CHANGE 4 – RISE OF MAGA/FACISM (2016)
Trump leveraged his celebrity to take his message beyond the South, to mostly blue-collar workers everywhere.  They were most at risk for being misled and Trump exploited that.

Truth has no home with him.  Every speech is full of lies, reinforced by his mouthpieces, reported as fact by Fox, and magnified by his Russian troll-bot allies.  Want to track his lies as he tells them?  Follow @ddale8 on twitter.   

Trump knows that people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one, and repeat it enough and people will believe it.  Trump knows you never allow the public to cool off; never admit fault or wrong; never concede any good in your enemy, never accept blame.

Did you know those prior two sentences are directly from a psychological profile prepared by the United States Office of Strategic Services?  They were, but it wasn’t a profile on Trump.  It was a profile on Hitler.  

In two years the GOP went from bad to worse.  Imagine where it will be in just one more year if left unchecked?   Today it is completely corrupt, indecent, and immoral.  Anyone affiliated or supporting the party is complicit and will carry this shame through history.   They have disgraced this country and are a danger to our democracy and values.  And those aren’t just my words.  That was taken from Steve Schmidt, a former GOP strategist and echos many of the sentiments of those who once called themselves members of the Republican Party. 

I am for humanity, decency, diversity, equality, compassion, justice, (the true “law and order”).   My anti-GOP feelings are the by-product of the fact our president and the GOP are the opposite all of those things.  

CHANGE 5 – TBD
Consider your options if –  

• If someone doesn’t value evidence, what evidence are you going to provide them to prove they should value it? 
• If someone doesn’t value logic,what logical argument would you provide to show the importance of logic?   
• If someone doesn’t value compassion, what appeal to compassion would you make to resonate with their capacity for compassion? 
• If someone doesn’t value justice, what rule of law would you cite to show the need for justice?
• If someone doesn’t value the principles of an American democracy, what patriotic feeling can you evoke in them when their sense of patriotism is numb to the violation of those principles?       

I can point to specific events where the GOP hasn’t valued evidence, logic, compassion, justice, and American democracy, where their base has applauded each and every event.  I’ll let you fill in those events for yourself because frankly, there are too many to cite.

I believe we are at the point that you can no longer appeal to facts, logic, compassion, justice, or principles of democracy when dealing with MAGAts and Facists. 

As the fascists have accelerated the pace to control the courts, the justice system, and the voting booth, consider this

Once the mechanisms of democracy are so undermined that the views of the majority no longer have a voice, what is left for that majority to do in order to be heard?   

Minority rulers who are driven to stay in power at all costs must suppress freedom in order to maintain control.  Minority rulers, whether a person or a party, don’t stay in power in a true democracy.   History is not kind to countries that have had minority rule.   

So what’s next?  I don’t know.   Hopefully it is decided at the ballot box where true democracies decide such things.  

One side bet I have — countries like Venezuela better watch out.  Trump needs a war and he doesn’t do things unless the fix is in.  North Korea and Iran are too messy.  Aha!  Pick a fight with a much smaller military, and something closer to home to really increase the “fear factor.”  If I were a bookie, I’d be giving the odds on favorite as being Venezuela.  And the best time to stoke the flames of war, oh, about mid-2020 should do it.  Sooner if  an impeachment conviction is looking likely.

Whether you like the candidate or not, whether you consider yourself a Republican or not, this is the year I hope people vote straight ticket Democrat.   Anything else is a slap in the face of all who have fought and died to uphold American principles of democracy.   But frankly, I just want people to vote – assuming they haven’t been blocked from doing so and that systems aren’t hacked.

If our elected officials better reflect the values of the majority of Americans, then the right people will be elected, whatever those values may be.  That’s how a democracy works.  That’s how it will work here.

My concern isn’t that it won’t work out.  It will.  My concern is how many MORE people are going to have to be oppressed at best, killed at worst, before we work it all out.  The voting booth can keep that number to a minimum.

This ends my political rant.

Back to your regularly scheduled kink.

Next: 287. Times Up for my Time Out!

140. Post Party Analysis and Revelation

It may help to read my prior post about attending the “adult” party we attended.

I mentioned that Mike seemed to be somewhat reserved regarding our sexual participation.  I say somewhat, because, as shared in my prior post, we still participated in some of the sex related festivities.  In addition to the activities I wrote about in that post, there were also some hand jobs that I gave and Mike enjoyed some head from one of the other ladies.  Clearly we were not wall flowers, but still, I could sense Mike was a bit guarded in both what he did and what he allowed Kayla and I to do.

THE CREEP
We talked about it afterwards.   Mike said that he was “creeped out” by Rudy, which also summed up the feelings I had about him (you can read about him in my prior post).  He was a bit of the alpha-male, boisterous, and aggressive both verbally and physically – and not just for topics related to sex.  It was clearly his personality that is pervasive in all his interactions.  He bordered on condescending, if not outright so, and he was clearly a narcissist.     

He had this body language that said he was superior, not just to his sub, but to everyone else, whether dom or sub.  He would quietly observe a conversation from afar, as if not even a part of it.  When he finally decided to talk, he would just holler his two cents from across the room.  He also wanted to make up the rules or give reasons why rules should apply differently to him and it was clear he was indignant when people just ignored his rants.

He was over the top with flattery to the women.  Flirting is one thing, but the degree of flattery was embarrassingly profuse.  And if his advances did not result in what he wanted, you could tell he was close to exploding.  He never did, but you had this sense that there was this rage just below the surface.   Lastly, just to give you a good picture of him, he provided an elaborate introduction of himself, going on and on about his accomplishments.  His self-proclaimed intelligence, wealth, creativity, you name — didn’t seem to stand up to simple questions posed to him.  You know, it just dawned on me, I think the best way you can picture him is to think of him a lot like Donald Trump, minus the treason and golden showers (okay, the former is a given, but the latter is just a rumor).  I digress.

That was a lot to share to simply say, the guy was creepy.   Mike was concerned that in the already highly sexually charged atmosphere, that this guy could be trouble, so Mike was very selective on what all of us participated in.   By the way, the other couples were all fantastic and a joy to talk to, play with, and hang around.  

KAYLA’S REVELATION
Kayla told us she had a revelation to share.  Before she said what it was, she wanted to be clear that first and foremost she was thrilled to have the opportunity to attend and very happy with the things Mike had her do.   She was happy to serve Mike in that manner and doesn’t question any reasons he had regarding the things he had her do or not do.  Like a good sub, she wanted to be clear that her greatest satisfaction is in submitting to whatever Mike desires, even if that means he desires her NOT to do something.  

So with that preamble, she said that she also had to be honest and share with us that while she enjoyed it, she thought there would be more “debauchery.”   More specifically, that she would be more “debauched.”

WORD OF THE DAY
Funny aside – I wasn’t sure debauched was actually a word.  It seemed to fit, such as, “to have debauchery performed on or by you” but, it seemed like a made up word.  I Googled it – sure enough, it’s a word, and exactly describes what Kayla meant.  So there’s your challenge of the day.  Go get yourself debauched!

BACK TO THE REVELATION
Kayla said that she made a revelation about herself as she thought through why this experience didn’t live up to her expectations.  She said that clearly she loves sex, no surprise there, and she loves kink – again no surprise.  But she said she really loves it, the kinkier the better.  She wanted to explore sexually with everyone in the room, sans Rudy.  She said she would have been happy to do anything or have anything done to her.

She said this feeling to explore like that was a bit of a surprise to her, and now she believes she knows why she had, and continues to have, those feelings.  She said that she feels liberated and empowered to do things sexually IF those things are done under Mike’s discretion.  In other words, she wants to do those things for herself and for what she gets out of it, but she has personal hang ups regarding what it “means” for her to do those things under her own volition.   Social stigmas that have been reinforced into her says those things make her dirty, nasty, or “less than” as a person.  For her, those negative feelings are replaced with positive ones when she is doing those things at Mike’s behest.  As strange as it sounds, she said for her, submission is sexually liberating and empowering. 

I believe that for her, being submissive is one way she can remove herself from being accountable to society for her actions.  None of us should ever feel accountable to society for our sexual habits (that are appropriately legal).   Kayla knows this, as I hope all women do, but while intellectualizing that thought may be easy, it can be very difficult to purge those thoughts that have been taught to us since birth.  Society constantly reinforces the belief that enjoying sex and being sexually open is something that makes a man strong, virile, and admired, while it makes a woman a whore and morally corrupt.   

The constant barrage of negative social cues regarding being a “slut” or that women should feel degraded if they enjoy sex, is hard to shake.   For Kayla, being a submissive is one way she can “shake it” in her mind.  She thinks of herself as simply being submissive, and any and everything she does is part of that submission.  Thus for her, it reconciles the social stigmas that have been engrained in her such that she does not feel any negative thoughts about what she is doing.  She is able to enjoy herself and feel only good and positive feelings about the experiences, free of negativity.

Kayla was apologetic in sharing her revelation, as she was concerned Mike would interpret it as her being submissive for only selfish reasons.  Far from it.  Mike was extremely supportive.  He said it would be inappropriate for him to think that she wants to serve “just because.”  He said, “Of course you get something out of it!   In no way does it diminish your submission just because you have identified the root of that “something.”  I hope over time you have more revelations as to why this lifestyle fulfills you.  And if that journey means you discover other ways to achieve that fulfillment, then that is fine too.   I don’t want for your submission, other than it is what gives you fulfillment.  I want for you to be happy, and will help you in achieving and maintaining that happiness through whatever form it requires of me, Dom or otherwise.   

Ahh – that was sweet of Mike, and of course was absolutely true and I echo his sentiments.  Our relationship with Kayla is very much about our wanting to nurture her so she is filled with confidence in being whoever she is now or may grow to become.  No shame.  And if that means spanking her bottom to help her along the way, so be it!   Hee hee.

NEXT:  Post 141.  Master/slave Immersion 2.0

 

120. Is this submissive a feminist? (MAGA rant)

I mentioned that I revealed my Domestic Discipline lifestyle to my sisters. (Post 116. Revealing DD to my Sisters).  In further discussions, one of my sisters stated, “I thought you were a feminist, I guess not!”

I found this interesting on a two of levels.  One, I never identified as a feminist before, so why did she assume I did?  The other is that my thoughts on the equality of women are mutually exclusive from the choices I make for myself. 

My response
Just know my rants are not limited to my blog.  Nope.  I rant in real life and my sister’s statement got me on roll of a rant.  

I told her that I never thought of myself as a feminist, but also never disagreed with the basic premise of feminism.  I boil it down to simply the difference between right and wrong, just and unjust.  

I always feel I stood up against ideas that promote social inequality.  The empowerment of women is part of that, but no more or less important to me than the empowerment of all individuals.  None of us should have any human rights arbitrarily restricted from us because of age, gender, race, religion, economic status, sexual preference, sexual identity, kinks, etc.  And I also believe that those categories should not have the right to arbitrarily restrict the rights of those in any other category.  

I explained to sis that I have made decisions about how to live my life that are contrary to the meaning of empowerment.  I do so knowingly and willingly and for me, it is immensely rewarding and fulfilling in ways I have shared many times.  However, my decisions are about my role within our household.  I serve Mike, I submit to Mike, but I do not serve mankind and do not feel submissive toward anyone else.  

INVESTED IN HATE
I recognize that people are heavily invested in their discrimination – so much so that they are blind to its’ harm.   And let’s just call discrimination what it often is – hate!   People become so invested in their hate that they believe it is justified.  Their investment typically comes from being indoctrinated from birth…”My parents thought that way,”  “My community thought that way,” “My schools, religion, country, ancestors, etc., thought that way.”  “I taught my children to think that way.”   Yep, pretty invested.

Furthering that investment is the fact they join social circles, churches, or other organizations that resonate the same messages regarding their hate.  And even further, they only watch “news” organizations that do the same.  Yep, people get heavily invested in their hate. 

And they are so invested in their discrimination that it is not sufficient for them to just accept that their beliefs are right for them.  No, they are so insecure about the validity of their thinking that they do all they can do impose their thinking on others.  If they truly felt their way of thinking was so “right” and so “self-evident,” then why not allow that thinking to be scrutinized?  If they are correct, then that scrutiny would only lead to more people thinking as they do.  

Of course the thought of even entertaining scrutiny is very painful for them because they are so heavily invested.  “You are saying my parents were wrong?”  “You are saying my culture is wrong?”  “You are saying my religion is wrong?”  You are saying my political affiliation is wrong?”   They are so invested that they don’t allow themselves to ever question such things, so how could they possibly entertain questions from others?   To question is to doubt, and that doubt is just too painful to consider.  Hate is just easier.

And to go a step further, that “hate” is not always directed at others.  Sometimes it is directed at yourself, but we call that type of hate, “guilt.”  These same organizations that I previously mentioned are great at trying to instill guilt as a way to control. 

All of this is why, over the years, a democratic government tries to force people to not discriminate – to not hate!   By and large it works, as more people are exposed to other thinking, the “others” become more humanized to them.  Unfortunately, as more people divest themselves from the hate, the remaining haters have become even more desperate to cling on to their dehumanizing thinking.  They tend to wrap that thinking in their faith and in the flag.  Thus the current political environment in the U.S.   A decreasing population of “haters” who are ever more desperate to cling on to hate, to the point they will undermine democratic mechanisms to do so (voter suppression, gerrymandering, voter fraud/hacking, bribes, etc). 

POLITICAL HISTORY – DUMB SOUTHERNERS 
A political history side note – interesting that until the mid-1960’s, the U.S. political party that was socially progressive was the Republican party.  Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, etc.

 If you look at the social platform of the Republican party of the 1950’s, you’d swear you were looking at the Democratic platform from the 80’s through today.  Nixon converted the racist Dixiecrats to the GOP as those southern democrats were alienated by Kennedy’s progressive social stances, thus hate found a new home.  

What didn’t change was that the South continued to vote against its own self-interest.  Which is why the South has the highest divorce, murder, STD/HIV/Aids, teen pregnancy, single parent homes, infant mortality, and obesity rates, while having the poorest health care and lowest rates of high school graduation.  And don’t think it is the minorities.  The food stamp capital of the U.S. is white (Owsley County, Kentucky).  Oh, but all of this happens to be the “bible belt” so, at least they believe in the right God and at least they are focused on keeping trans kids in the “right” bathrooms.       

FEMINIST  HUMANIST
So, sis, no, I don’t specifically identify as a feminist, I identify as a humanist.  And of course that includes women, and I believe that gender should not grant someone special privilege, nor relegate someone to a lesser status in life.  

For me, I look at the choices adults get to make about their lives and if their decisions don’t restrict other people’s freedom, then fine by me.  While I have biases (we all do) I try to challenge them (when I recognize them).  And while I have a variety of personal beliefs that I promote (such as what DD has done for me), I am in a continued mode of self-reflection and inquiry.  This is all in attempt to ensure an honesty about my choices.  I welcome questions and doubts and concerns from others.

I also try to divest myself of negative stereotypes that my upbringing reinforced in me and that society continues to reinforce.  I think of it more like the color I choose to paint my house (it’s called Carriage House).  I like it, it works for me and my situation (works well with the bricks).  But I don’t expect other’s to choose it for themselves and I don’t feel offended if they don’t like my choice. I accept that just so long as they don’t act in a way to restrict my choice (homeowner association bylaws excluded, but hey, I made a choice to abide by those bylaws).  Unfortunately, in this analogy, there are too many people who, at best, want to keep someone down because of their choices, and at worst, want to kill those people because of their choices.      

And sis, while I have found beauty, fulfillment, growth, love, and peace in submitting to Mike, I have no expectations that others will embrace this lifestyle for themselves.  And while I find that same beauty, fulfillment, growth, love, and peace in my sexual explorations, again, I have no expectations that others would find the same.

I am proud and excited to say, “I can’t do that without checking with my husband.”  I am not okay with me or anyone saying, “You can’t do that without checking with your husband.”  So, sis, in simple terms, yes, I am a feminist, but I believe I am much more than that. 

Sis:  “Wow, Jenny, that was intense.  So, tell me, what do you feel about Trump?”

We laughed.  The truth is, I probably would not have gone on such a rant if not for our so-called President. 

The fact that hate has been validated and empowered requires us to resist, expose, fight, ridicule, deny, and extinguish it at every opportunity.  

Such as my opportunity to state in a long-ass rant when my sister asked me a simple question. 

NEXT: 121.  20 Questions from Sis

114. Resist! And remain Kinky!

The Stanford Prison Experiment is a well-known experiment in psychology circles regarding the effects that power has on people.  I’ve always kept the results of this experiment in mind as it pertains to Mike and our journey into domestic discipline.  These thoughts were further top of mind as we added the dominant/submissive relationship with Kayla.  Increasing these thoughts even further was that Showtime has been running a movie about the experiment.  Also, although unrelated to my dynamic, this study has been top of mind because I wonder how power impacts a self-serving egomaniac.  No, not Mike, but our U.S. President…I digress.

The conclusion is simple.  Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.  So knowing this, how do we avoid the corrupting influence that power has, even when that power is given to someone you love and trust without question, and who reciprocates that same love and trust?  No, not our U.S. President, I am talking about Mike!

I believe the answer is that you don’t, and you can’t.  It will happen.  It is human nature.  But, what you can do is be aware of it.  It comes back to the age-old solution for any relationship, regardless if the dynamic is vanilla or otherwise – communication.   You have to communicate limits and react in the strongest terms possible if those limits are breached.  If they are disregarded, then you do the only thing you can do and take the power back.  You must RESIST and speak truth to power!   Yes, I am talking about both Mike as well as our president.  I digress yet again.

In both cases if limits are breached you don’t validate the behaviors of those you have given power.  You don’t accept anything they do.  You resist.  Of course, if it is a loved one, it typically resolves itself quickly and you move on.  In the case of our president, it will only resolve itself by doing everything you can to delay and deny any actions they undertake, vote out all who support him in the mid-terms in two years, and then vote out him and the other supporters two years after.   Okay, I really digress!

The challenge with a loving D/s relationship is that it is hard to recognize when limits have been crossed.  Yes, some things are blatant, but, we can become desensitized over time to ever escalating dominance.  You love the person, you know they have the best intentions, and so you can easily discount and disregard inappropriate behavior, especially if it isn’t directed at you.  Sure, Trump has come for the Muslims, come for the scientists, come for the LBGTQ community, come for the federal judges, come for the animals (yes, read about what he is has done regarding animal testing), come for free speech, come for some people’s clean air and water (but not mine), and has come for the disabled (both in education and for those trying to get social security disability benefits).  But none of those he has come for is me.   

Sure, Trump has attacked the arts, attacked the media, attacked anyone who openly questions him.   But — none of those things are me.  While every speech and every press conference by his minions are filled with blatant lies (oh wait, “alternative facts”) that a six-year-old can fact check in a second, his lies haven’t impacted me.

So, meh! 

I hope you get the sarcasm.   Oh, sorry, got off track…it’s Mike I want to talk about.

It’s an interesting thing to be a part of it.  I have seen Mike exert more dominance, a dominance I have asked for, invited in, nurtured, craved, and supported.  Until recently Mike was being a Dom that was careful to carry out his dominance in a way that I explicitly prescribed, with perhaps just the occasional unexpected action on his part.  When we took on this lifestyle, he clearly adjusted to the things I asked for.  At my urging I have encouraged him to exert himself in ways that suited his needs and desires and that I welcomed the opportunity to be the one adjusting to those needs and desires.   Well, he has done so.  I must be honest and say there are things he does that I don’t particularly like or enjoy.  However, I am being equally honest when I say I get an even bigger thrill from the things I don’t like or enjoy.  I know that sounds oxymoronic (is that word? Well, it is now).   It is simply about the joy and satisfaction I get from being submissive and to truly submit to him, I should be submitting more directly to his needs and desires, and not just the needs and desires I have chosen to address. 

What are some of the things I don’t enjoy?   I don’t like the cane (oh, that can be another story, but, Kayla wanted a cane so we ordered one, and I hate it. Much prefer a paddle, brush, or some other flat spanking implement!).  I don’t enjoy my pussy being flogged or whipped, I don’t enjoy being tied up as punishment, and I don’t enjoy certain sexual acts being part of punishments.  Previously, sex and punishments were separate things – and while still not the norm, they aren’t always mutually exclusive.  I also am a bit alarmed by his treatment of Kayla, although Kayla appears to be thriving and wanting more.  Now don’t feel bad on my behalf.  I know I could stop these acts, but I don’t want to.  I like the idea that I am doing things for Mike to satisfy his desires and I like that he is expressing his desires.   I like these things more than I dislike the acts, and as long as that remains the case, the acts remain within my acceptable limits.  But I do dread these acts! 

To get back to my main point – I have noticed Mike is acting differently, much more authoritarian and with less patience.  I have seen his demands as well as the spankings and non-spanking punishments increase in frequency and intensity, both on me and on Kayla.  We’ve talked openly about this and he admits he likes the feeling he gets from being dominant, but also admits there is a line between being a good dom and being an a-hole, and he hopes not to cross it, however, he ended that with, “Concern noted, but I am not changing anything and you always have safe words to stop any of my actions, so it is on you to communicate your limits, not on me to guess where they are.”   For a nanosecond my mind said, “Oh, what an a-hole response.”  But the tingly feel-good feeling that followed a nanosecond later overwhelmed that thought.  I really like it when Mike is forceful and unapologetic with his feelings.  Such is the way a submissive thinks!

 And to be fair, along with Mike’s increase in dominant behaviors has come an increase in appreciation towards me and towards Kayla.  Mike has given us several “spa days” and other pampering’s, he even hired a maid service for a day so we could fully relax without worry of falling behind on any of our chores.  Yes, I know that statement will make some of you gag – I certainly would have pre-DD.     Just remember, I chose this lifestyle and I take my duties very seriously, so it is a big deal that I didn’t have to worry about falling behind on any chores.  Even if Mike gave me a pass regarding any punishments, I like to stay on schedule and get certain things done on certain days, so the maid service was something I truly appreciated.

I do not feel that Mike has been corrupted by the power I have freely given to him (yet), but the findings of the Stanford Experiment remain in the back of my mind.  As for our so-called president, well, his corrupted mind began long before he got the power of a president (I would say “presidential power” but there is nothing presidential about him). I digress. 

Oh, I mentioned before that Mike was going on a business trip out-of-town and taking Kayla with him.  That is in a few days.  I’ll talk about that in another post!

Resist. . .and remain Kinky!

NEXT: 115. My Abundant Life

 

 

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