67. An Esoteric Ramble

The esoteric stuff – Continued from my prior post.

As I stared in the corner I reflected, not on the specific punishment, but on how my DD has evolved.  I continue to be amazed at the fact I enjoy this so much.  Not the spankings themselves – although they do have their element of pleasure along with the pain, whose mix will vary from spanking to spanking.  No, it isn’t the spankings themselves that have me amazed with myself.  So what it is?

I’ve shared before all the different words that submission means to me, such as in my Doctrine of Submission post, or Submission = Transparency = Love.   But a new word came to mind that I hadn’t considered before.  That word is vulnerability.

I enjoy being vulnerable.

Enjoying vulnerability is counter-culture.  We aren’t condition to enjoy that, even when we confine that vulnerability to our spouses or a small circle of friends.   We all make ourselves vulnerable to those around us, but the level at which we do it is often highly restricted.

When I allowed myself to become vulnerable through DD, I dropped the persona that I was clinging to.  Once the facade dropped, I became more authentic.  Not to just those around me, but to myself.  And the vulnerability is not just for the specific moments I am being punished or I am naked, or any specific thing related to our DD.  The vulnerability becomes a mindset.  It is always there in a positive way.  Similar to what I talked about in I Found My Thrill. 

I believe people around me can sense the authenticity.  When you are around someone who is authentic, you can’t always put your finger on it but you just sense something different.  You find them to be more approachable and you naturally reciprocate authenticity because they are more real.   People are comforted by authenticity.  I am guessing that is why it is common for someone who is fearful of public speaking to be given the suggestion that they envision their audience naked.

In reality, even if you are fake you are going to be vulnerable to your fakeness, but that doesn’t hurt the ego much because, well, because it was fake and not the real you.  It takes a lot of self-confidence to let the real you be vulnerable and thus subjecting the real you to various cheap shots.   And who better to be self-confident with and to show complete vulnerability to than your spouse?

I love being vulnerable to and around Mike.  I trust he will not misuse my vulnerability and it has led to him being a lot more vulnerable to me.  The net impact is that our relationship is closer and more intensely loving and passionate than I could have previously imagined.    Mike is worthy of my vulnerability.

My advice to everyone who is in a loving relationship is to become more vulnerable to your loved ones. I don’t mean write yourself a DD contract and hand it to them.   It can be far simpler than that – just sharing your thoughts and opinions, your likes and dislikes – about mundane things or erotic things, or about your fears or obsessions.   If the thought of that is too scary, perhaps they haven’t earned that level of trust from you.  If that is the case, perhaps you need to work on why that is.

If they aren’t worthy of your vulnerability, then perhaps they aren’t worthy of you.

NEXT:  68.  To fall in love, do this. . . 

 

26. Submission = Transparency = Love

Where am I today with my DD?  No, this isn’t going to be about the latest punishment.  This one is going to be more the emotional touchy-feeling part of DD.  It’s my favorite part to share, but probably the least fun to read about.  So, “no pull-down your pants and bend over” stories today, but I hope you find it enlightening and thought provoking.

I am sure of me.
Technically I am a relatively newbie to DD, having started this lifestyle 14 months ago in March 2015.   However, I already feel like a veteran.  I have received far greater personal satisfaction from DD than I ever imaged.  I am at peace with myself, my thoughts, my aspirations, and my desires.  I am “sure” of myself.

I am sure of Mike.
My relationship with Mike is almost indescribable.  I can describe it, but it would likely sound like a fairy tale, almost delusional.  But the fact is, we are closer than ever.  We absolutely share everything and do so without judgement and with full acceptance.  The most succinct way I can possibly describe it is that we are sure of each other.  Sure of our intentions, sure of our love, and sure of respect.  This sureness translates into a oneness that again is hard for me to put into words.  I again refer back to the U2 lyric that goes, “We are one, but not the same.”   That’s Mike and I.

Path to Oneness:  Transparency, not Surrender
No question, we could have not have reached this point or have moved there so quickly if it wasn’t for DD. I often think about why that is.  I believe in order to get to complete oneness, someone in the couple must surrender themselves to the other.  To me, surrender is not about enslavement, it is about revealing oneself, it is about transparency.

A full and complete surrender breaks down every emotional wall that stands between you and your partner.  All sense of shame, embarrassment, and self will vanish.  Even though technically you are the submissive one, if you have the right partner they too surrender parts of themselves to you.  Once the “full reveal” is complete, both parties will have achieved total transparency with themselves and with each other.  They can now see, feel, touch, and explore both themselves and the other like never before.  This creates the self-actualization within both individuals, and leads to the oneness with each other.

Is DD the only way?
Of course not.  But it was the way for me.  For me, I can’t imagine getting to the level of surrender that would lead to complete transparency in any way other than DD.  If you can find some other way that works for you, go for it – but I encourage you to find that way, because complete transparency is truly amazing!

Why must one first surrender to the other?
I lack any research and can only surmise that it is much like a “you go first” mentality that humans have about revealing themselves.  Absent something dramatic, “the reveal” can take many years of incrementally sharing more of yourself with your partner.  I believe most of us go through life without ever fully revealing to our partner our thoughts, dreams, desires, preferences, likes, dislikes, compulsions, hang-ups, kinks, etc.  And I don’t mean just hinting around those things, but actually clearly and consistently sharing those things.   It is just too uncomfortable, even with a life-long partner.

Once one person fully surrenders, something magical happens that causes the other to surrender as well. Each person becomes “sure” of themselves, and in turn, becomes “sure” of each other.  While technically only one person has “surrendered” and is the submissive, both people have given of themselves to achieve total transparency in the relationship.

Thinking about that is so sad to me now.  I think of all the years that I wasn’t 100% present to Mike, and that he wasn’t 100% present to me.  In the past I would have told you our relationship was great.  I was oblivious to what “great” really meant.  Frankly, I didn’t realize this level of greatness existed.  I didn’t understand transparency.  Thanks to DD, I do now.   Submission equals transparency equals love.
Next – 27 Jenny’s Doctrine of Submission