Before I could get Mike aboard, I had to first completely get my head around this. I was less than an hour in to being introduced to the concept of DD and while I was already convinced it held significant promise, I needed to get fully comfortable with the concept and exactly what I would be asking Mike to agree to.
I like lists, so I made myself a Pros and Cons list. They went something like this:.
- Give structure to my chaotic life that was getting increasingly unsatisfying.
- Codify what I expected of myself into a “contract” of behavior would be my way of honoring myself, honoring my husband, and honoring my family. It was not demeaning unless I allowed it, and I would not allow it.
- Asking Mike to help me is his way of honoring me.
- Require myself to share and discuss everything with my husband. Mike would have to have a vested interest in the things that are important to me. No more silent resentments, no more unresolved arguments. It would require a level of communication that no other “system” I could think of would require.
- Provide structure to resolving disputes that was quick and final. No lingering ill feelings.
- Creating a process to resurface those disputes when everyone was calm and respectful – I can tell you that today this has been the biggest Pro of my DD!
- Structure meant I couldn’t just call the shots on a whim.
- Those spankings still seemed demeaning to me.
- I would have to share and discuss everything? I was not used to that.
- Sure disputes would be resolved quickly, but only because Mike would have ultimate final say.
- Again, being submissive does not sit well with me. Punishment? Getting spanked? Are you kidding?
How did I reconcile these cons?
Ultimately, I had to focus on the desired outcome and work backwards. (A great tip to take any problems in life). The outcome was to become the person I wanted to be. That’s a tall order and would not be possible without some sacrifice. Plus, this didn’t have to be permanent. If I didn’t like it, we would stop. So, why not try it?
I still wasn’t sure I was ready. I wasn’t. But the thoughts were running in my mind and I was becoming more and more open to the possibilities. But….how would I justify allowing my husband to punish me? That seems to be the very definition of submissive? How could I ever agree to be submissive?
NEXT – 6. Submission and Accountability