I have butterflies in my stomach. Not the anxiety driven type such as before a test or important presentation. Not the type you get from a great roller coaster ride. It’s the type that I haven’t felt since my first infatuation with a boy in middle school. The persistent tingle fueled by a constant adrenaline drip. The more I think about what is to come, the faster the drip. My heart beats faster, my mouth becomes dry, and my hands a little shaky and a bit damp. These thoughts prime my sexual feelings and leave me in a constant heightened state of arousal. Any time I want I can orgasm in record time.
Two reasons for the butterflies.
- Social Event: In mid-June Mike and I are going to a local event we found on FetLife. It’s a gathering of “like minded” folks to explore and share TTWD. It’s at a public place so should be filled with casual conversation. I am very excited.
- Submissive Immersion: Mike and I are taking our DD up a notch (make that several notches), at least temporarily. In mid-June my son is going to spend two weeks at my parents, which is customary during the summer. Our other son is attending summer sessions so won’t be home from college. That gives Mike and I some extended alone time
We decided on a 10-day submissive immersion in June. A full M/s dynamic with total power exchange (TPE). That sounds ominous, and in some ways it is, but it is new for us, so I am sure our version of TPE will seem light compared to those that are TPE veterans.
I won’t list all the things that will be part of our TPE, partly because I don’t know what all Mike has in store for me, but also partly to just let your imagination run wild. Unlike our DD contract where much of it was my creation with Mike’s consent, our TPE stuff is mostly Mike’s creation with my consent, if you want to call it consent. I went in with the mindset that I will agree to everything he comes up with. He has shared many ideas with me and I did not disagree with a single one – if anything I suggested some things that took his idea a bit deeper. I wanted him to know he can go as deep and dark as he wants. He has come up with some pretty wild and far out stuff, at least for us former vanilla-folks. Plus, he is free to ad-lib at will, so I can only imagine what kind of stuff he comes up with as we get into the later days of our immersion.
I told him this was about me serving him. It is not about serving any of my needs. As I shared before, much of our DD has been a bit selfish on my part where I set the rules and Mike carries them out. That just doesn’t work in an M/s dynamic. Knowing that these are things he wants to explore is what adds to my butterflies. It excites me to truly serve him for his sake, not for mine!
It’s interesting for me to think back to just a little over a year ago, pre-DD. I would look at what we are going to be doing in Mid-June as insane at best, repulsive at worst. I had so many misconceptions about submissiveness – many that I am sure you have if you haven’t explored this lifestyle, or likely had before you explored this lifestyle.
Oh, and another thing I am excited about is that I am going to get my nipples pierced! Personally I was ambivalent about it but Mike told me to do it and that was sufficient for me. Knowing he wants it turned my ambivalence to excitement. I can’t wait to have it done. . . for him!
June is going to be fun!
Next: 32. Appreciate, Follow, Obey, Please, Serve