Tag Archives: tease

141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0

141Immersion

It is summer time and that means continuing a “tradition.”   Yes, it means it is time once again for an M/s immersion!   Okay, so perhaps it doesn’t qualify as “tradition” yet as it will be just our second such “immersion,” but it is something I’ve been looking forward to for some time. 

IMMERSION 2016 – a look back
I wrote about our immersion last year
(Post 31. June Butterflies – 10 day Total Power Exchange and again Post 34. M/s immersion complete).  What is definitely a tradition is that each summer my parents have my kids spend two weeks with them (of course, now it is mainly just my youngest).  This has always been a time for Mike and I to have some unencumbered fun.  Of course, what constitutes “fun” has been a little different since embracing Domestic Discipline.  

IMMERSION 2017 – a look ahead
Like last year, Mike and I will experiment with taking our dynamic up a notch or two on the Dom/sub scale.  A time to test limits and have extended uninterrupted “adult” time. This year will be a bit different as Kayla is now with us and Mike and I are another year wiser from our experiences.  After all, this time last year we were just 15 months into our DD lifestyle, so now have almost TWICE the experience!  What a difference a year makes.

We discuss what the Immersion will be like this year.  I asked Mike to simply surprise me.  No preconceived limitations, restrictions, or expectations on my part.   I asked that he just feel free to explore his wildest fantasies and let me rely on safe words to communicate when a limit has been reached.  

Kayla said she wanted the same from this immersion, with one addition.  She really enjoyed the group dynamic of the party (Post 139. A very Adults-only Party) and she wants to explore being with several men at once, as long as both Mike and I are present. She said that in her fantasy, Mike and I just watch, neither of us participate.  Thus, she asked if Mike could find “at least three” other men to be involved.  Mike told her he would consider it and it would hinge on him finding the right guys to participate.  John would be one, but the challenge is finding others we can trust.  Two of the couples at the party were really great to hang around.  We know that one of them only play together as a couple, so that leaves the man in the other couple to consider.  So including John, perhaps we are at two good candidates.

I don’t have significant reservations about Kayla’s request.  Not to say I don’t have concerns, but I know Mike takes this seriously and I am confident he will do what he can to make this live up to Kayla’s expectations.  I know this is a big fantasy of Kayla’s and I am happy to help her experience it if we can have all the right controls.  My biggest fear is actually Kayla having unrealistic expectations about it.  If you’ve read my posts you know how I am about expectations.  (Post 81. Expectations)

Thus, we all talked extensively about her request to ensure we are all “calibrated” as to her wants and desires.  I feel Kayla has really matured in her thinking about her submission and sexuality.   In six short months she has found tremendous confidence in sharing her fantasies and has shown discretion in separating pure fantasy from true desires.    

We’ll see what comes of this.  While Mike and I enjoyed the “vibe” of the party (sans Rudy),  we are content with our dynamic and sex life such that we mostly just see complications and disappointments if we make such “parties” the norm for us.  However Kayla wants to explore more and wants the comfort of our guidance and presence.  We will see what comes of this.  

CRYING
Switching gears —  T
hinking about the immersion last year has me in a reflecting mood.  It doesn’t really take much for that as I am a highly self-reflective person.  It got me thinking more about my submission and thinking more deeply about certain ways I act or have acted.

One of things I was reflecting on is crying.  While there have been plenty of exceptions, I don’t typically cry when I am punished.  I almost always get a bit teary eyed, but the full on cry is atypical.  Kayla, on the other hand, started out as a huge crier.  Her cries have diminished but are still common place.  She tends to have more like the semi-hyperventilating sniffles with lots of tears running down her cheeks versus a loud and boisterous cry.  

There may be a tendency to equate crying with pain or sadness, but that is never the reason I cry, nor is the reason for Kayla’s crying.    Both of us agree that the likelihood and degree of our crying is directly related to the degree of humility, remorse, and/or guilt we feel about the transgression that led to the punishment.  I think Kayla feels those things more often and more intensely than I do because she is younger and puts more pressure on herself than I do.  As such, she feels it more as a personal defeat than a temporary set back.  For me, the feelings of humility, remorse, or guilt are compounded the most when it is a repeat offense.  That leads me to a spanking story I haven’t shared that happened a few days ago.       

Spanking Story (tease)
I was at the store and saw something I wanted to buy for the house.  Our rules say I can only buy household items like food, toiletries, and cleaning supplies as long as it fits in the budget.  Any other purchases required permission from Mike.   If you aren’t familiar with the origins of this rule, read Post 71. Good Girl and Post 75. Public Display of Submission).

For whatever reason I wasn’t in a mindset to want to call Mike.  Asking permission seemed trivial and it was so clear to me we could use this item.  So, what did I do?  Well, I didn’t buy it. . . but I still got punished!   I’ll share the details on my next post!

NEXT:  142.  Spanking, Lines, and Corner Time.

 

91. Undressing Kayla.

undress

What a whirlwind of delightful debauchery!  As the time with Donna as a house guest has ended our attention turns to Kayla who will likely move in with us.

I’ll admit my title for this post is a bit of bait and switch.  I am referring to undressing Kayla in a metaphorical way, as is, revealing more about the true Kayla, and not about physically undressing her (yet).  Sorry, for the tease!

I preface this by saying that no written description of her, or anyone, is complete.  We are all more than a page full of labels and adjectives.  Whatever words I use are bound to have various connotations for each reader.  As much as possible I am using Kayla’s words in how she describes herself, with some of my perspective added in.  I got her permission to share these details with you.

RECAP
Here’s a quick recap up of what I previously shared.  I introduced her in Post 76 and wrote more about her in Posts 77, 78, 79, and 80.   Yep, lots about Kayla lately.  She is 22 and has grown up with a consistent presence in our household.   She’s been a babysitter for my youngest but was always more than that – she was an extension to our family.  Over the years she spent a lot of time in my house, even went on some vacations with us.  We’ve helped her emotionally through tough times, and watched as she blossomed into an intelligent and caring young adult.  I recently revealed my DD lifestyle with her and she was highly curious.  Lastly, she is soon moving in with us.   There, that’s the recap.

“Naked” Truth.
Kayla has always been wise beyond her years, and since childhood she always had friends that were older than her.  Growing up she interacted and related more to my oldest son who is four years older than her, versus my middle child who is basically her same age.  Their interaction and friendship was always platonic and they behaved more like cousins than friends.  Kayla had unique interests that my kids didn’t share.  While they enjoyed her company, she likely would not be someone they would have been friends with if not for the inclusion that Mike and I sought to provide her.

She readily admits to being the “quirky girl,” a bit of a bookworm, and on the shy side.  She’s beautiful but carries a lot of negative thoughts about her body image.  She is 5’4 and wishes she was taller, her weight is fine for her height, but she wishes she was skinnier, her 32c bust in her words are, “just barely a C-cup and overall just unremarkable.”  She is self-conscious of her complexion.  Had some bad acne that left very slight scaring, not very noticeable, easy to cover with makeup, but the slight imperfections are massive craters in her mind, not to mention two small chicken pox scars that add to her insecurities.

She admits to feeling “dismissed” by her parents.  They were not overtly mean and while she has many positive memories, there weren’t as numerous as she’d like and were also mixed in with a lot of not so positive ones.  The way she puts it is that they were outwardly loving when they “had” to be.  She describes it as a sort of benign neglect.  She knows her parents had their own hang-ups and shortcomings and feels perhaps their lack of high involvement and interest in her was a reflection of her parents attempt not to repeat their own messed up childhood.  In other words, she feels her parents felt they probably couldn’t parent well, so they tried not to parent at all.  She recognizes that it is possible that actually gave her a better childhood than if her parents reverted to parenting the way they were brought up.

She is empathetic to a fault with a high “emotional radar” where she can quickly sense the emotions a person is feeling.   I have often been concerned she was a co-dependent in the making as she would often take on the problems of other people.  In trying to help others fix themselves, their problems became her problems (I can relate!!).  Unfortunately, often her love and empathy was twisted into leverage that simply enabled the other person to never take responsibility and truly fix their own problems, or worse, project onto her the blame for their ongoing problems.

She is sweet, kind, and thoughtful.  She can be bubbly and funny on rare occasions, but too often you can sense the weight of the problems that she is carries on behalf of others.  There are occasions where you can see a void in her eyes, as if joy and acceptance eludes her.  She is very shy around people she doesn’t know, but is very open with her thoughts and feelings when talking to me or Mike.

She talks about the years of growing up around our household in very glowing terms.  The warmth of my family, the joy of just hanging around us, even when we weren’t doing any particular fun activity.  According to her my household is “light and non-judgmental, where satisfaction replaces shame, and affection replaces disregard. I would be happy with the nice complement if I wasn’t saddened that she couldn’t have that in her home.

Most of her small circle of friends are either married or living with boyfriends/girlfriends.  She yearns to get out of her mom’s house and didn’t like the few choices she had for potential roommates to share an apartment.  She loves the idea of moving in with us as a good first step towards getting out on her own.  She said she could never feel as secure living anywhere else but with us.  And none of her reasoning has to do with submission or sex.  It is love, respect, and admiration (with a potential side-order of kink, hee-hee).

As for the kink, Kayla knows all about my submissiveness and has read my blog, as explained in Post 77.  Obviously if she moves in with us she will be a witness to my submissiveness.  I told her that she can have nothing to do with it if she chooses.  It is my life and my choice, and she is free to live as she chooses.  She indicated she is very intrigued by DD or D/s.  Being as studious as she is, she has been reading a lot about it since we first talked.  She says she is excited and curious about exploring some facets of submission for herself.   All of the discussion has been between her and I. I encouraged her to talk to Mike, but she admits being nervous and embarrassed about talking to him.  She said she just finds it hard to talk to him about her specific needs and desires.

I told her it that if she decides to become a submissive she needs to articulate what submission means to her.  Mike needs to understand how to best be her Dom and it can help me in helping her as well.  I told her if it were easier she could just write it all down.  It didn’t have to be like my contract, it could be more like an essay or even just bullet points.  Whatever way she feels comfortable in communicating it.

She liked that idea and has been working on “her document” as she calls it and plans to give it to Mike and I soon.  She also asked both Mike and I to prepare something for her and we can “exchange” documents.  She wants us to write out our suggestions on what we think would work for her.   Her hopes are after sharing the documents and talking through them that she can come up with a final document, akin to having her own contract.

Mike and I are working on our suggestions and we will be exchanging documents soon, hopefully this week.  With some risk she could read this before then, my list is not going to be very specific.  It is not for me to request any particular acts of submission from her.  My suggestions will be about letting go and approaching her submission as simply allowing herself to risk her vulnerability.  It is through becoming vulnerable that I have received the greatest joy and growth in my submission and believe she can receive the same.  I will share my observations on what I believe makes her feel vulnerable, but ultimately, it should only be about things that are true to her regardless of my thoughts or Mike’s.

Oh, and we talked about the living arrangements.  At first we were thinking of putting her in a spare bedroom that is actually an extension of our master bedroom.  I mentioned before this room is normally a separate bedroom with an entry in the hallway, but we opted to put a door to that room into our master bedroom.  It was a great room to have when our son was little.   We have two large doors that open to the master and when you immediately step into our bedroom, to the left is the door to the spare room, and to the right is the master bedroom.

Anyway, in talking with Kayla we decided it best that she have something that is more physically separated from us so that it feels more like her own space.   Mike may move his office into the spare room off the master and have Kayla take what is now his office as her bedroom.   We also talked about simply relocating the door to that spare room next to the master.  It isn’t all that much work to dry wall up the existing door and install a door in the hallway.  It’s something Mike feels he can do himself over a weekend.   We’ll see.

She wants to move in on 12/26.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

92. The Inspection.  Defining Necessary.