Tag Archives: tack bra

142. A Spanking, Lines, and Corner Time

142Nun

Sorry for bit of a cliff hanger on the last post.  I had to wrap up as I had things to attend to.  Oh the irony if I earned a spanking because I didn’t complete a chore because I was spending too much time writing about a spanking story!  

As I shared in that post, I was at the store and was tempted to buy something without permission.  I shared before that years ago I went through a compulsive shopping issue.  It actually spanned several years.  As part of putting my contract together I wanted to be subject to a budget, and it evolved to where I must ask Mike for permission to buy anything other than everyday household items like food and toiletries.  

The item was nothing extravagant – it was a simple blender.  Ours broke quite some time ago but we rarely use it and didn’t miss having it.  But I saw a cute one that was also on sale and I thought it would be fun to get.  I imagined the smoothies I could make, both alcoholic and kid-friendly versions.   I rationalized that I shouldn’t bother Mike at work with this, and I would just get it.  It seemed unnecessary and it was so clear to me we would use and enjoy this blender.  I went so far as having it in the shopping cart!

VICTORY!
I then had this deja vu moment as thoughts of
Post 71. Good Girl came to mind.  Not just the feeling I had for transgressing, but also the punishment!  Ouch!  Yes, the discomfort of a spanking can be a great deterrent.   So, I put the blender back on the shelf!   Win for DD.  Win for Jenny.    

This happened during the day while our son was at school.  Mike was working for home.  When I got home I shared this story with Mike thinking he would have the same sense of accomplishment for what our DD had done to help me mend my ways.  Instead, he sternly spoke to me.

DEFEAT?
He said, “Jen, yes, I am very happy you didn’t buy something without permission.  That would have certainly been bad to do, but, that doesn’t excuse how close you came to trying to rationalize actually buying it.  It concerns me that you went so far as to have the item in your basket.  While you should have a sense of accomplishment for putting it back, I none-the-less feel a responsibility to address your actions.”  He went on to say that he felt it wasn’t enough for a punishment to serve as a deterrent.  He felt part of the goals of DD, as I have expressed them, were to actually change my thoughts and behaviors.   While clearly it changed my behavior — I didn’t get the blender — it didn’t change my thoughts. 

There was silence when Mike was done speaking.  I didn’t know how to react and frankly there wasn’t anything I could say.   Trying to defend my actions would make it worse, and part of me understood what he was saying.  It was just so disappointing to go from this emotional high of thinking of this as a triumphant “win” to the sudden and jarring conclusion that it wasn’t.  I could tell Mike was thinking about what to do. 

LINES
He told me to go to our room, put on the tack bra, and sit and write lines.  I would keep writing until he came to the room.  The line was, “I will always ask Sir for permission to buy something that I am not allowed to buy without his permission.”   He had me repeat the assignment to ensure I understood it.  He then told me to go our room.  Walking there I kept repeating the line to myself so I wouldn’t forget it.

He came into the room about 10 minutes later.  I had written 12 lines.  He told me to lay on our floor, face down, hands behind my back while he reviewed my lines.  This pressed the tacks firmly against my breasts.  He then told me all 12 were incorrect.  I left off the word “his” as the second to last word.   He also did not like the way I wrote the word “permission” as it was messy on four of the lines.  He said that is 16 mistakes, and thus would earn me 32 spankings, two for each error.  

MORE LINES
He then said I had 10 more minutes of writing and he expected to see 15 perfect lines. He would add another 2 spankings per error and add 2 spankings per word that I was short.  In other words,  there were 20 words in the line.  If say I only got to 14 lines at the end of 10 minutes, he would add 40 spankings (20 x 2).  He had me repeat these rules back to ensure I understood them.  

He had me get up off the floor and told me not to adjust my bra and to sit and write.  He got out his phone and started the stop watch and said, “your time starts now.”

I’ve had to write lines before, and I’ve been timed before, but never had him there staring at me.  Also, when I’ve been timed I have been able to look at a clock so I could tell how I was progressing and whether or not I should try to speed up or not.  It was terrible not knowing how much time was elapsing.  Adding to this was the sharp pains in my breasts where several tacks were poking me something fierce.  

I was trying not to think much about the time and concentrate on my penmanship, but when I finished the eighth line I did think to myself, “okay, just over half way done and I think that was about five minutes.”   When I got through with line 12 i thought, “well, that’s as far as I got last time and I am going a little faster, so probably have a few minutes left.  It will be close.”   Line 13, “I will always ask Sir for permission to  – “STOP!”
Mike told me time was up.  

He told me to get back on the floor on my stomach while he reviewed my work.  10 words left on line 13, plus the 20 for line 14 and 15.  So 50 missing words.  That’s 100 spankings.  

He then said, “Again, you wrote the word “permission” a bit sloppy.” One…two…three…four…five times.  And on two of the lines you didn’t capitalize “Sir.”
That’s seven mistakens, for 14 more spankings.  So let’s see,  32 + 100 + 14. That’s 146. What do you think of that?” 

What was I to say other than, “I think this is good. Thank you, Sir.”   He then said, “Well, not quite good enough.” 

“I am going to give you your 146 spankings, then you are going to sit on what will be your red ass and you will write the word “permission” two hundred times.  We will then see if there are more spankings to come.”

Up to this point I was very composed.  He had me stand up and he removed my bra.  There were several tacks imbedded in my breasts such that my bra stayed stuck to me even though it was unclasped and the straps were  off my shoulders.  He pulled gently to fully remove the bra.  There was a short-lived but sharp sting as the tacks came out of my breasts.  While not overly painful, it made me start to cry.   As I shared in the prior post, I don’t cry that much over a punishment and when I do, it is mostly about what I was feeling at this moment.  

I was feeling very humbled and very remorseful.   The issue of controlling my shopping habits has a long and painful past.  I was feeling the guilt of those past transgressions, a guilt I thought had left me for good, but re-emerges anytime I make this type of mistake.
Further adding to my emotions was a part of me that was saying to myself “but I did so good in putting it back.” 

THE SPANKINGS
Mike said not all the spankings would be on my butt.  He went “Catholic school nun” on me and gave me 10 strikes with the ruler on each palm.   Those actually hurt more than spankings.  He then administered the remaining 132 on my butt, a combination of hand, belt, paddle, and wooden spoon.  The majority were with the spoon.  He said he choose the spoon because it was a kitchen item and thus seemed appropriate since this was prompted by a blender.   

YET MORE LINES
My butt was very red, sore, and ultimately bruised.  It was hard to sit and write “permission” 250 times, especially as my palms were still stinging as well.  He didn’t give me a time limit and it took about 30 minutes to complete.  I brought my papers to his office and he reviewed the lines.  He asked me if I were him, how many mistakes would I find.  I told him while every line was not identical, I felt they were all extremely legible and clear.  I always get a little nervous when he asks me to critique myself.  Luckily, he agreed.

FINAL PUNISHMENTS
I noticed that he had a butt plug, lube, and a ball gag at his desk.  He told me he wasn’t quite done with me yet.  He had me bend over as he inserted the plug and then he told me to stand in the corner in his office with my hands clasped behind my head.   He put in the ball gag and as I stood in the corner he rubbed my red butt and gave me five or six quick swats by hand.  At that time I didn’t expect more spankings and was now unsure of what was to come.  I was already quite sore and I immediately started to cry.

He gave me several more by hand and then explained that this was specifically for the transgression regarding the blender whereas the other spankings were over the mistakes in my lines.  He then spanked me some more by hand, maybe another 15 or so, then sat back down at his desk and went about his work.  I cried for several more minutes.  

If you aren’t familiar with ball gags, they can make the jaw uncomfortable after five minutes or so, but more than the discomfort, it is the drooling that bothers me the most. Quite a bit of spit ends up dripping down on and between my boobs and it just feels uncomfortable.  Add to that the tears and snot from crying and well, you get the picture. 

About fifteen minutes later he walked over, removed the plug and bit, and we had our Closing Ceremony.  That was that.  All was forgiven.  I left his office, cleaned up, and went about my day. 

REFLECTION
As I reflect on this punishment, I think about what if Mike had looked at my actions the way I initially did – as a triumph!   Would the encouragement and recognition of a job well done been more effective than a punishment?   Hard to say, but I believe Mike’s actions were justified given my history with shopping.  It is a history I need to always keep in mind so that next time, I don’t even think to put the item in the basket.  There are reasons I agreed to asking Mike for permission, and reasons I wanted his help in addressing my bad habits.  I accept his judgement that a punishment was in order and believe it will help ensure my compliance with the commitments I have made to him and to myself. And ultimately, that is what my Domestic Discipline is all about. 

Next: 143. My Evolving Submission

 

 

131. An Argument

Mike and I had our biggest disagreement since adopting Domestic Discipline over two years ago.  Granted, I wrote before about an argument (Post 44. Argument Part I and Post 45. Argument Part II).   But that was nothing compared to this.  On the one I posted about in 44 and 45, I was clearly in the wrong.  This one didn’t have a right or wrong.  Just two points of view that were equal on their merits, but only one could prevail.  

The issues are unimportant but I will say it had to do with our kids, namely our youngest J, and a disagreement over handling a particular situation.  I am not going to share the details because it really doesn’t matter.  It isn’t about someone being wrong or right, or who said or did what to whom.  Suffice to say we didn’t see eye to eye on something of which we both have strong feelings and perspectives – and those feelings and perspectives were not compatible.  Thus, an argument. 

There is nothing about our DD lifestyle that says I must agree with Mike or that says I don’t have a voice.  I routinely voice my thoughts and opinions but allow Mike to be the final arbiter.  I have never felt discounted or felt that my views were devalued, even though clearly I don’t always “get my way.”  That is no different from life before DD. 

The difference is that before DD, discontent would typically fester, pop, then linger.  With DD there is no opportunity for an issue to fester as we communicate openly, honestly, and timely.  Instead of “popping” in a heated argument, there is a “respectful disputation” that has a clear ending.  Yes, that ending is typically with Mike deciding on things, but I agreed to that,  and frankly, I like that.  At least in concept, because there are times where it is very difficult.  Basically, the more important and passionate I am about the issue, the harder it is to accept Mike’s “verdict” if it is not to my liking. 

Thus far there have been few issues that have come up and almost all are been very minor.  Mike has been very good at considering my needs.  While I don’t look at in terms of “wins” or “losses,” it makes it easy to convey if I sum it up as simply, “win some, lose some.”  Again, no different from pre-DD, except again, the process is much more respectful, quick, loving, and finite — no lingering resentments.   And of course, one other major difference is that ultimately, Mike rules!

I could not accept Mike’s decision on this particular issue.  We actually talked about it on several occasions over a few days before he came to a decision.  He was done talking about it but I was not.  I did not agree with his decision.  At first he graciously and respectfully said, “Okay, I see that this upsets you, so let’s talk so more.”  Sort of like, “I know I made my decision, but I am open to reconsidering.”  But after about the third time of doing this he grew impatient and drew the “Dom card.”  Basically he decreed the discussion over and the decision final.  I still could not accept it.  I’ll get back to that in moment.  

During the discussions (okay, fine, During the Argument!)
I earned a few punishments prior to him pulling the “Dom card.”  In each case Mike was clear that the punishment was not because we were in disagreement, but because of my attitude or disrespect in my attempts to communicate my feelings.  I accepted those spankings without hesitation.  I agreed to be respectful at all times and I wasn’t, so it was no different from any other transgression.   It also helped me stay calm when I talked to him, or, I would wait until I calmly collected my thoughts before bringing it up again.   So again, I thank our DD for helping in this way.     

As the issues and discussions spanned the course of several days, the mood in the house was a bit odd and awkward.  Not only was this our first big “fight” since adopting DD, we also have Kayla in our household.   Let’s just say that during those days I was not feeling particularly close to Mike, nor he to me, and Kayla was sort of stuck in the middle.  I didn’t particularly feel sexy nor sexually aroused towards Mike nor did he feel that way towards me.  In those days I did have sex with Kayla, and Kayla with Mike, but Mike and I did not have sex.   I know Kayla was a bit uncomfortable by it all, but she was wise to stay out the fray and Mike and I retained enough of our senses to not try to drag her in.  She did not give her opinion, nor was she asked. 

AFTER THE DOM CARD
When Mike pulled his “Dom card” and issued is final “decree,” he knew I was still unhappy about it.  Despite my efforts, I couldn’t “fake” it  and was clearly not my normal self.  At one point Mike finally said, “Are you happy being a submissive?”     Of course I answered yes (make that, “Yes, Sir!”   

“Do you want to remain submissive or stop?”   “Yes sir, I want to remain like this.  I do not want to stop.”

He went on to ask me why I didn’t want to stop, and my replies were full of all the things I’ve written about here regarding what I get from DD.  I know the point he was trying to make is that if I get all these wonderful things from DD, I need to accept that he has final say and that is that.  He heard me out, he even softened his position a bit, and he made his final decision.  If I couldn’t accept it, he was basically saying I can not accept DD and our D/s relationship.  This was similiar to the approach he took the first time we had an argument after adopting DD.  (Post 45 Argument – Part 2).

I still wasn’t ready to give in.  I wanted it both ways.  I want to be submissive, I want to serve Mike, and I want my way on this one.  Mike then turned my disagreement with him into a punishable offense.   He said he was done discussing it, had already made certain concessions and it was clear we would never fully see eye to eye on the appropriate solution, so either I accept he has final say or I don’t, and we are done with DD.  Since I made it clear I did not want to end our DD, nor want to accept his decision as final, I was punished. 

THE PUNISHMENT
The punishment was not an immediate event.  It was several days of basically a Master/slave immersion. More like a “mini” immersion because J was home with us, but while he was at school or asleep, it was very much Master/slave mode.  Mike said that perhaps having to go a few days of deeply submitting beyond our normal routine would help “get back into my submissive mindset.” 

It may be strange to say this, but I loved this.  I still hated the decision, and I didn’t particular enjoy parts of the “deep submission,” but I enjoyed the idea of it.  I have written before that I love it anytime Mike ad-libs things in showing his Dominance.  This situation was not explicitly addressed in our Contract so he had to use his discretion in determining how to respond to my actions.  He did so in an admirably Dominant way and I happy that he did so. 

Since I haven’t shared a spanking story in a while, I’ll share one particular punishment I got during this mini-immersion period.  The immersion was filled with spankings, some severe, nip and clit clips, tack bra, ball gag, mouth soaping (and the dreaded rinse), writing lines, and the like.  It also had its share of sexual submission as well.  At any time Mike would stop me and have me perform a sexual act on him or on Kayla.   There were standing orders that anytime he motioned a certain way I was to drop on all fours in front of him, take out his cock and perform oral sex, while Kayla fetched a paddle.  She would then paddle me while I went to town on Mike and continued spanking me until Mike finished. 

When Mike announced the mini-immersion was over, the entire issue was truly over.  I accepted his decision on the issue that started all of this.  I was definitely back in my submissive mindset.   In reflecting on it I also could say that while I still wish he would have decided otherwise, I can fully accept his decision.  While it isn’t what I would have decided, it was still reasonable, loving, and effective – just like the mini-immersion.  Score one for the Dom, and score another for DD.

NEXT:  Post 132.  Good Grove / Bad Move.

  

 

 

92.The Inspection. Defining Necessary.

shy

Thanksgiving
I hope your Thanksgiving was as wonderful as mine.  We spent time with all three of our kids and extended family as we went to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving.  They live about three hours away – a perfect distance for my liking.  Close enough for an easy visit, but far enough away that visits don’t have to be weekly or monthly – ha!

My eldest and his girlfriend left our festivities a bit early to spend time with her family, and my middle child left late in the afternoon to go camping with some friends.  My parents invited J to stay the weekend with them.  He loves staying with them – I mentioned before that typically he stays with them two full weeks out of the summer.  My parents are getting older and I am starting to have concerns about their ability to care for him.  He can be physically demanding at times.  Luckily my sister and her family said they were going to stay the weekend as well, so that meant not only more support to care for J, but more fun as he always enjoys his cousins.  That also meant was that Mike and I could be alone for the long weekend!

Kayla Visits
On Friday we invited Kayla over so we could have our long awaited talk.  She was ready to present “her document” (as mentioned in Post 91) where she wrote down her thoughts on what she wants out of a relationship with us.  She also asked Mike and me to prepare something as well regarding our thoughts on what we want.

She came over around 10 am, nervous, but eager to share.  I was not naked!  Kayla has seen me before in my submissive and naked state, but given that this was a time for us to focus on her without potential distraction or awkwardness, Mike asked me to get dressed as Kayla arrived.

I will use another post to talk about what Kayla put in her “document.”  For now I want to share something very surprising that occurred. 

Kayla handed us each a copy of the document she prepared.  As we were reading I could see that Kayla was very fidgety in her chair, biting her nails and looking down at the floor.  She asked, “What about the document you prepared for me?”

I responded that we didn’t prepare one for her.  She was clearly disappointed and annoyed.

“Hey guys, I really put a lot into this document and was looking forward to reading what you wanted from me.  I really poured out my soul here and I wanted to get your thoughts so I could consider your suggestions.”

Mike responded, “Kayla, what we want in a relationship with you is very simple.  We can sum it all up in one sentence, and tell you what, Jen will go ahead and write it out for you.   I grabbed a pen and pad, wrote it out, signed it, handed it to Mike and he signed it, and then I handed it to Kayla.

It read, “We want to help Kayla grow towards becoming the person SHE wants to become, whatever that person may be, not defined or limited by what we want or what anyone else wants.”

Kayla read the note and said, “Thank you, that’s so sweet, but still, I was hoping for some help so that I don’t make mistakes.”

Mike, knowing Kayla’s penchant for perfectionism, responded, “Kayla, that’s our point.  You have to discover what is and isn’t a mistake for you.  Mistakes not only should be expected, they must be welcomed as they are required as part of discovering yourself.  When you make a mistake, and you will, it means you are going about this correctly.  I am sure we will have some advice and guidance for you along the way, but it wouldn’t be right for us to limit something you want, or push something you don’t want.  There simply isn’t anything appropriate for us to suggest other than what Jen just wrote down for you.”

As Mike and I continued reading, Kayla was becoming more and more fidgety, pursing her lips and acting as if we were professors reading her dissertation.  With a lot of tentativeness in her delivery, she said, “I understand what you are saying, but, I know I’ll need your help and I was hoping for some constructive suggestions as to what some good acts of service and transgressions would be.”

At that point Mike put the paper down and looked at Kayla and said, “Okay, Kayla, do you really want some help in the details regarding your submission?”

“Yes,” Kayla responded.

“First, from now on it is ‘Yes, Sir’ when you speak to me,” Mike calmly stated.

“Yes, Sir, said Kayla.

“Secondly, stand up and take your clothes off,” Mike said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Kayla looked over at me with her eyes as big as saucers.  I felt like saying, “Mike, no, not now,” but I held back.

Kayla hesitated for a moment.  Mike didn’t repeat himself and just stared at her in silence.  It was probably all of five seconds but it felt like 60 when Kayla slowly stood up.  She looked at me, then at Mike, then at the floor.  She then began unbuttoning her shirt with a tremble in her hands.  Mike then told me to go get our full length pedestal mirror from our bedroom. I had no clue what he was planning, but I obeyed without question.

I quickly retrieved it and brought it into the room as Kayla was pulling off her panties and was now completely naked.  Surprisingly, Mike then told me to disrobe.  Whatever was on his mind wasn’t anything we discussed regarding what we would say to Kayla.  Of course, I continued to simply obey and I undressed.  He told me to stand by the chair I had been sitting in across the coffee table from where Kayla was standing.

Kayla was very nervous and clearly embarrassed as she stared at the floor. Mike placed the mirror in front of Kayla and told Kayla to look at herself and then to look over at me.  He asked Kayla what differences she saw.  Kayla began to describe some physical differences and he stopped her.

“No, not in looks.  What difference do you see in your beauty compared to Jenny?”

WTF?  Wow, that seemed harsh.  He knows she is insecure. What was he doing?  I stayed silent.  Kayla’s eyes began to tear up and she was puzzled.  “What do you mean?

“What do you mean, Sir,” Mike corrected her.

That only made Kayla more nervous as her lower lip trembled as she fought to not start crying.

Mike responded, “Kayla, physically you are just as beautiful as Jen or any other woman.  Your face and your body is very attractive, beautiful, and sexy.  But, it isn’t your body where people see beauty, or lack thereof.  It is in your energy, and frankly Kayla, your energy is very unappealing.”

While Mike was talking very monotone with no anger or disgust in his voice, Kayla’s eyes teared up and tears slowly began to stream down her face.  I was so tempted to intervene and just hug her and tell her it is all okay and I told myself I’ll give it just another minute or two before I just had to react.

Mike continued, “Kayla, you have a hard time making eye contact with us for more than a second and you can barely look at the mirror without immediately looking back the floor.  Your elbows are pressed tightly against your torso, your hands are in a fist, your knees are touching, your shoulders are drooping down, your bottom lip is tucked under your top lip, and you are slouched over.  Physically you are amazingly beautiful, but you carry your beauty like a meek apology instead of as a bold statement.  That’s what I want to help you with.”

Mike continued, “Since you want suggestions, I have an idea for a requirement of your submission, in fact, I will include Jen in this requirement as well.  We are going to have inspections, and we will have the first one right now.”

The Inspection
Mike called Kayla over to him and Mike stood up.  He said the inspection consists of him inspecting our bodies.  He said this will be a practice run without any punishments and the grading would be simple.  He explained, “You start with an A, and for each infraction you drop a letter grade. Anything less than an A is a punishment for you, and anything less than a B results in BOTH of you being punished.  I want both of you to be accountable to each other for maintaining yourselves at my standards.  So if one of you gets a C or worse, then both of you are punished.  Understood?

“Yes Sir,” we both responded.

Mike looked at Kayla’s head and said, “Your hair is nice, still an A.  And your make-up, it doesn’t matter to me if you wear any or a little, but I don’t want to see a whole lot. No need to cover your lovely face.  What you have on right now looks nice, so, still an A.”

I noticed that with just those few sentences from Mike that Kayla’s physical demeanor already began to change. She was standing taller and she was making more eye contact with Mike.  She seemed eager to absorb every word of his and her body seemed more relaxed.

Mike then told Kayla to open up her mouth.  He stuck a finger in and stretched her mouth open a bit and looked closely at her teeth.  “Okay,” he said, “in fairness, you didn’t know this was coming and we were just snacking on some stuff, so, yeah, not so good.   You’ll have to get in the habit of brushing and flossing right after every meal or snack.  So, yeah, that takes you to a B.”  He said it so nicely and jokingly that Kayla continued to be put at ease and there was actually a small smile on her face.

“Okay,” said Mike, “now your posture.  You need to get those shoulders back and stand up straight with your chest out.  Get those arms unglued from the side of your body, open up your stance a little, stand tall and proud.  Next time, that will cost you a letter, but we’ll keep you at a B for now.  Now, let me see your hands.”

Kayla put out her hands and Mike looked them over and said, “I think you know the grade now.  You are down to a C as you need to work on not biting your nails.  Tell you what, Jenny will take you for a manicure and pedicure, on us, as a welcome gift.  How does that sound?”

“Great, Sir,” said Kayla.   Her eyes now showed a spark and enthusiasm that hadn’t been present before.

“Alright, now, your breasts,” said Mike.  Just so you know, I am making this up as I go.  I hadn’t given inspections any thought until you seemed desperate for some guidance from us.  Clearly, I need to have some requirements of presenting your breasts.”

Mike put his fingers on his chin as if this required deep contemplation as he stared at Kayla’s breasts.

He snapped his fingers and said, “I got it.  When I call inspection, I want you to quickly tweak or pull your nipples so that they are as erect as you can get them in say, 10 seconds. That should be enough to satisfy what I am looking for.  Please do that for me now.”

With that, Kayla raised each hand to one breast, pinched her nipples and twisted and pulled for about 10 seconds, just long enough to get them to protrude a bit.  This even prompted a giggle from Kayla and a smiling “How’s that, Sir?”  She seemed to be totally at ease now and appeared to like the fact that Mike was looking at her breasts so intently.

“Great,” said Mike, “no change in your grade so you are still at a C, in fact, they look so nice maybe I’ll raise your grade to a B.”

Kayla laughed and said, “But Sir, when talking about my breasts I prefer to hear “C” and not “B.”  This was clearly a reference to her describing her breasts to me as “barely a C cup.”   Mike laughed and smiled and said, “Okay, then, you are still a C.”   All of this was even more evidence that Kayla had quickly become relaxed and comfortable.

He then gazed down between the stubble between her legs and said, “Now, tell me what you got going on down stairs?”

Kayla said, “Well sir, I normally keep it bare but I am a bit overdue for a shave.   I wasn’t expecting to be naked for anyone.”

“Fair enough,” Mike agreed, “but if you are going to be bare it needs to stay cleanly shaven at all times.  You’ll need to make a daily habit of shaving as anything less than totally smooth will decrease your grade.  So, if this were a real inspection, you would now be at D.

“And, now your toes.  I guess you can’t bite your toenails so they look nice.  So, there you have it, if this would have been a real inspection you would have a D and both you and Jen would be punished.  Again, I want the two of you to be accountable to each other to always be ready for an inspection at any time.

“Yes, Sir, but just so you know,” Kayla responded with a smile on her face, “I can bite my toenails, I just chose not to.”

“What?” Mike said a bit bewildered.

“Let me show you, Sir,” And with that, Kalya sat down and proceeded to put her toe in your mouth.  “Yes, I am very flexible” she proclaimed.

It was amazing how Kayla transformed in the span of a few minutes.  What had just been a bundle of nerves, shyness, and embarrassment was now comfortable, bubbly, and proud.  I couldn’t be more elated with what Mike was able to accomplish with this impromptu inspection idea.  It was unexpected and amazing, but wasn’t quite over.

Mike then said, “Oh, I almost forgot, the inspection isn’t quite over.  Kayla, please stand back up, turn around, and bend over.”

Kayla did so but was a bit befuddled.

“Okay, reach back and spread your ass cheeks,” commanded Mike.  Kayla did so and I could see once again she was pursing her lips.

Okay Kayla, sorry to say that you are now an F.  I expect your asshole to be clean as a whistle at all times, clean enough to eat, literally.  Okay, stand back up.”

Well, that was a buzzkill.  Mike then asked me to stand in front of him and he proceeded to inspect me.  It isn’t important to the story, but I got a B – hey, we had never done an inspection before so I wasn’t prepared.  I will be next time, as will Kayla.

With my inspection complete Mike asked Kayla if she had any questions or concerns about everything that had transpired thus far.

“Yes, Sir,” she said, “I just keep thinking about the inspection of my butt.  The mood was just getting so positive and then that.  Was that really necessary?”

Mike paused for a moment as he calculated his response.   “Necessary.  Necessary.  Humm… great word.”

Mike continued, “I think other than the lesson that mistakes should be welcomed as part of your growth, the next best lesson is actually about that word.  What is necessary?”   My mind jumped to a scene in the movie The Matrix as Morpheus discusses “What is real” with Neo, but I digress.

“Kayla, necessary to what?  Heck, Jen and I were married almost 25 years before Domestic Discipline.  Is it necessary for me to spank Jen or discipline her in any particular way?   Is it necessary to have an assortment of paddles, or use butt plugs, nipple clamps, or a tack bra?   Is submission itself even necessary?  The answer is simple.  No, it is not necessary.”

“In fact, Kayla, I think this takes our discussion full circle to where Jen and I started with you regarding our advice.  What is necessary is up to you.  My role is to help you find what is necessary to give you the level of submission and fulfillment that you want for yourself.  What is it that will give you the positive feelings that you want, that allows you to meet your commitments to yourself, and to allow you to become more like the person you strive to be?  I read enough in your paper to see that you want to become more confident in your body image.  I believe the best way to get comfortable in your skin is to, well, show more skin.  Through the continued acceptance and admiration that you will experience, the greater your confidence will grow.”  Laughingly, Mike then said, “Kayla, before long you’ll be willing to show anyone your asshole for no particular reason.”

We all laughed.  With that, Mike said, “Now let’s finish reading your document and talk about what’s next.”

Kayla asked, “Can we get dressed now, Sir.”

“No.  You might as well get used to both of you being naked around the house as long as the kids aren’t around.”

We completed reading her document and talking more about her vision for her submission and how the living arrangements would work.   I’ll share more about her document and our next steps in my next post.

Happy Thanksgiving!

NEXT: 93. Post Inspection.  Defining Needs.

87. And there it was.

This post shares a very cathartic moment in my life.   Sorry for the length of the post, but I felt it was important to detail each step that led to the catharsis because perhaps it wouldn’t have been possible if not for the events that led up to it.

I mentioned that with John away, at times John required Donna to be subject to all my “house” rules regarding submission, and at other times had her adhere to her own usual rules, with Mike serving in place of John in the execution of those rules.

DONNA’S INTENSE MONTHLY MAINTENANCE
John and Donna have a routine of an intense monthly maintenance at the first of each month.  I’ve mentioned before that John and Donna are a bit more BDSM in TTWD than Mike and I.  Donna looks forward to these sessions, counting down the days as a month draws to a close.  She said the intensity of them was like an “emotional dump” of all her negative feelings and anxieties.  She said she was really looking forward to November’s session to purge away any remaining negative feelings that linger regarding her having to follow my rules.

While I accept that pain can do that for her and for other people, it doesn’t quite do that for me.  At best I enjoy the pain of my punishments, and at worst, I simply tolerate them.  While the pain does give me a release, I find plenty of release from a moderate amount of pain, thus no need to intensify it.  I also find release simply in the act of submission, even when no pain is involved.   Thus, while I can relate to a sense of purging negative emotions through pain, for me if the punishment gets intense it doesn’t take long for that purge to cross over into just plain old intolerable and unacceptable pain.  I guess I am just not wired to find pleasure that way, just as I am sure many women are not wired to find pleasure in any one of my punishments that I enjoy.   In any event, I am happy for Donna that she enjoys this and finds it beneficial.

Each session they focus on different parts of the body.  This month it was her breasts.  Donna told me this was her favorite because she bruises the most and the tenderness lasts the longest compared to any other body part.  She said the visual and physical reminders that last for several weeks serve as reminders of her submission, giving her joy for those several weeks.

MIKE PERFORMS DONNA’S BREAST PUNISHMENT
As John was out on November 1, Mike had to administer her punishment.  Mike and Donna went over to her house to perform this while John skyped in to watch.  I wasn’t there as I stayed home with our son.

When Mike and Donna returned I just had to see what her tits looked like.  Donna showed me and for a brief moment I was shocked.  I was shocked with the extent of the bruising that was already apparent, shocked that Donna enjoyed this and looked forward to this, and shocked that Mike was responsible for delivering it.

The shock lasted only a few seconds.  My next reaction was that her breasts looked beautiful.  Beautiful because what it represented to her, not because what they represented to me.  I knew to her these were important symbols of her submission and made her feel complete, feel renewed, feel invigorated, and feel connected to John.   It also made me think, “I want that.”

I wondered if I would like a similar maintenance session?   Part of me wanted to submit to Mike in that way, but boy, it really looks like it hurt!  I don’t know if that is really for me.  There was still a part of me that wanted to give it a try

My breast punishments are mostly my nipple clamps, breast bindings, and tack bra.   There’s been some breast punishment but nothing too harsh or prolonged.  For some odd reason I wanted to see what level of pain would have to be inflicted in order for me to bruise.  I’ve never thought that way before about a punishment.  The goal has never been to inflict a given mark.  Sure, marks have happened, but not because they were the ultimate goal.   What kind of punishment would it be where I would be asking for a bruise?   I just couldn’t see asking for this, it was so different than any punishment.   It seemed contrary to what DD means to me.

However, part of DD is also to be open to exploration.  Explore my thoughts through sharing every thought with Mike, explore my sexuality through being open to act on my fantasies and Mike’s, and explore my boundaries regarding everything.  Thus, I could approach this outside any punishment or maintenance session and simply look at it as an experiment in testing boundaries.   So, I asked Mike if he would be willing to perform a similar punishment on me.

Mike asked me if I was wanting this out of any sense of jealously for him administering the punishment to Donna.  Wow, honestly, that never crossed my mind.  I told him I knew that it was important to Donna to stick as close to her routine as possible and I am happy I had a husband who was willing to help in doing that.  I felt a sense of pride that our DD was able to accommodate what Donna needed and that it served to further connect us with John and Donna.

Mike agreed to give me a similar session, but wanted to build the tension and anticipation and said it would be part of our maintenance session on Sunday (which is today).   In just the course of six days I saw Donna’s breasts go from the blue, to deep purple, and then to purple-yellow splotches as some of the bruising began to heal.  It made me anxious as Sunday drew near.  Could I really take it?

MY BREAST PUNISHMENT
We had my “normal” maintenance session and then Mike called Donna in to watch the “Maintenance Bonus” as we called it.  Mike got a wooden spoon to use as that is what he used on Donna.   He had me lay down on the bed and he got on his knees next to me on the bed.  He then proceeded to hit one breast four times in rapid succession, then the other.  It made me flinch something fierce but more out of an uncontrolled reflex than intolerable pain.   He had to put one arm just below my breast to help keep me in place and then gave four or five to each breast in rapid succession.   He then said that was just a warm up.

With quite a bit of force he hit one breast.  I had to grab the pillow and bury my head in it to muffle my moan.  He then hit the other.  Then again but this time two times per breast, then again but three times.  I then called, “Pause, pause, pause!!”  Our “yellow” safe word.

After I collected myself he resumed.  He did one per breast, followed by two per, then three, then four, then five, but before he could finish with the five I again called for “Pause.”  My face buried deeper into the pillows.  He asked me if I needed to stop.  He reminded me this was not a punishment, he is ready to stop whenever I am and that I don’t have to endure what Donna did.

For some reason I was at a point where I was telling myself I needed to find my pain threshold and that it was no longer about submission or fulfillment or pleasure or purging.  It was simply a battle with my will to endure pain and I wanted to challenge that will.

I told him to continue.  He repeated the one per, two per, three per, and got all the way through to five per breast.  I was crying, it hurt like hell.

I asked him how much more.   He said that maybe he was about a fourth of the way through.  That meant I had to endure everything I have already endured yet another three times.  I knew then that I was not going to make it through that, but I felt I came this far and that I could take just a little more.  I told myself I would never go down this path again as it was all just surreal and not like me, but that since I was here, I might as well push it as far as I could take it and I wasn’t quite there yet.

Mike started up again.  I don’t know how far he got but I soon called out “Mercy” (our “red” safe word).
It was over.

Many punishments come with a hodgepodge of emotions, but this one was different.  The pain overrode any joy and soon I started feeling ashamed.  Although Mike and Donna can’t read my feeling of shame, it then turned to embarrassed for feeling shameful.   I felt ridiculous.   Why did I ask for this?

AND THERE IT WAS!
Jealousy can come with an entourage of associates.  This allows it to hide more easily.   And even at that moment, while I recognized its’ presence, it had yet to fully reveal itself to me.

First, I saw that I was indeed jealous that Mike punished Donna.  Not in the act itself, but in that it was something so special, almost sacred, to Donna.  I then realized this was the second time in just a few weeks that I let jealousy and resentment cloud my judgement.  First in dealing with Kayla, then in dealing with this situation.

I should have listened to Mike when he questioned my feeling of jealously.  I should have explored that feeling more and perhaps I would have recognized it then.  I tend not to be a jealous person, so Mike wouldn’t have known to question me further and thus accepted my word.  I now shared with him that I need him to be more doubtful of my intentions when it comes to potential jealously, as for some reason I have become more prone to that emotion lately.

I apologized to Mike and to Donna for feeling jealous, and that I do want Mike to fill in for John while he is away and that I don’t want anything to change.  I told them I don’t sense the root of this has anything to do with TTWD or with TTWDWT (Those Things We Do With Them, hee hee, as in, with John and Donna). In fact, it then quickly came to me what the issue was.  Jealously had finally fully revealed itself.

JEALOUSLY FULLY REVEALED
I was feeling resentment towards the needs of my son.  I hate that about myself.  I love him dearly and will do anything to help him without hesitation.  But, I feel a bit jealous as I get closer to Kayla and see that she has so few constraints to her life day to day.  Then, with all the time spent with Donna and getting closer to her than ever, I realize that she too has far fewer responsibilities than I do.  Then there is the prognosis that this won’t ever change.  My son is likely to live with us for the rest of our lives.

It makes me feel horrible to resent that fact.  I’ve never felt that before.  I never had a sense of “why me” and accepted my lot in life without doubts or hesitation and always strive to look on the bright side and make the most out of every day.  However, this mindset has eroded as I got closer to Kayla and Donna.

Part of me feels like if I just stop being close to them I can make those feelings go away.   Another part of me says that doing that will create more resentment, not less.  Kayla and Donna are important to me.  Granted, not more important than my son, but if I forgo having other meaningful relationships in my life, the net effect can’t be positive for me or my son.   I’ve just got to get over feeling resentful that my friends, no matter how close they are, don’t share my burdens.

I feel stupid for even having to say that.  It is so contrary to how I normally think and function.  But, it is the truth and I have to accept it and address it.   I am a glass is half-full type person, so it further bums me out that I seem to be looking at this from the half-empty point of view.   I know I will work through this, and not only have Mike to lean on for support, but can also talk through this with Donna and Kayla.

I guess this pain thing actually led me to find clarity in what I was feeling and why.  !?!?!

Next: 88.  Something True.

84. Happy Place

observant

This post is mostly about Donna.  There was an “incident” this week worth sharing regarding our “experiment” with Donna staying with us while John is away. (I shared the story of when Mike went out of town in this post).   As I mentioned in another prior post, John required Donna to follow all the rules I am subject to, just as if my contract with Mike applied to her.  That lasted through yesterday and starting today she went back to her normal rules with Mike filling in for John.

Having Donna around has been wonderful.  I’ve had a lot of free time this week as the tasks get done in no time.   In addition to the helping hand from a fellow sub, I have a friend to talk with and, as a final bonus, an extra lover to share with.  As I suspected though, it has been far easier on me and Mike than it has been on Donna.  Here’s what happened:

THE INCIDENT
There was a point in the day yesterday where we weren’t quite done with our tasks when Donna proclaimed she was taking a break.  I told her I appreciated her help but the responsibility with the chores are mutual, and I prefer we finish before taking a break.  She encouraged me to take a break as well, but I told her I could not.  I didn’t want to come off as the bitch, but, I wanted to get everything done first.

I shared with her that I learned from experience that if I procrastinate, things can happen and then the tasks don’t get done.  That would be unacceptable to me and to Mike.  And – we didn’t have that much more to do anyway!   Her logic was, “Well Jen, since there isn’t that much more to do, you can just do it.”    So I did, but told her was compelled to tell Mike.

I reminded her that John asked Mike to question us about the day and specifically ask if she did her fair share.  I told her I cannot lie to Mike and would have to tell him.  I felt bad.  Donna was a huge help and I know this has been hard on her.  But, John set this rule for her and she should understand that rules from our Sirs are, well, the rules.  She wasn’t open to hearing me and flippantly said, “As long as everything is done what’s the big deal and tomorrow I can make up for it.”

I responded that I was not in a position to barter on behalf of John.  She continued to resist and said, “I’ve pretty much done my fair share today.”   I told her that this was true up to the point she sat down, but unless she gets up and helps finish things up that it would be untrue.  She shrugged me off.

In the evening when our son was watching TV, Mike pulled Donna and me aside to ask us about our day. He of course asked about the fair share of the workload.  I looked at Donna and said, “Sorry, Donna, but I have to be truthful.”  I proceeded to tell Mike what had happened.

SPANKING
Mike ordered both of us to the bedroom.  We both went to my room, disrobed, and stood in separate corners waiting for Mike.  It was a bit over an hour before he finally came in as he waited for our son to go to bed.  That was the longest I’ve ever stood in the corner and I was puzzled why I should be punished for Donna’s behavior.

When Mike came in he called us over and asked each of us bend over and he gave us each some warm ups with his hand.  He asked us why we were being punished.  Donna stated it was because she didn’t do her fair share of the work today, but for me, I had no clue.

Mike confirmed Donna explanation and added that John was explicit in his instructions and her failure to obey them by not doing her fair share was indeed why he would need to spank her.  Then, per our rules Mike administered another spanking on me for not knowing the reasons why I was being punished.  He then told me the reason. I was being punished for apologizing to Donna.   WTF?!?

Mike said that I should never apologize for my submission.  Being truthful is part of my submission and not something to apologize for.  He said my apology was basically apologizing for being submissive.  He said if my submissiveness inconveniences Donna, so be it.  No different than if Donna’s submission to John inconveniences me.   Mike said I was being punished for being disrespectful to my own submission.

Whoa!  I was a bit dumbfounded.  Part of me was thinking, “Are you serious?” while another part of me was, “Wow, Mike, how observant and creative, and yes, you are absolutely correct!”

Mike said this was a serious issue and the spanking was going to be with the prison strap.  He skipped the “Over/Under” game which was another signal to me that he was in a more serious mood about this transgression.   I got 17, then Donna got 12.

MISSING JOHN
Uncharacteristically, Donna cried and got very emotional.  She takes punishments very stoically and I’ve seen her gleefully take far worse in “fun” scenes her and John put on for us.  As I shared before, their relationship is a bit more M/s and BDSM.  I knew it wasn’t because of the sting from the spanking.

Donna apologized to me and Mike and reassured us it wasn’t anything we did.  She shared that it was hard being out of her normal routine.  In the past when John was gone she at least had her routine to keep her “observant,” as she put it.  Even though John ordered her to follow my routine, it just didn’t feel “observant” to her.   She said a part of her wanted to rebel and that was her motivation for not finishing the work.

She has been at this submissive thing much longer than me and really relies on John to keep her centered and focused.  I hadn’t really considered that submissiveness can lead to a greater dependency on the Dom.  You get so accustomed to giving such incredible focus on the needs of your Dom and being “observant” to your submission that you feel out of sync when your Dom isn’t around.

MY REFLECTIONS
I know I missed Mike when he was out of town, but I didn’t miss him the way Donna misses John.  I think having my son to focus on and still having my routine made it easy for me when Mike was gone.   Although John did task her following my rules from Sunday to Wednesday, it still didn’t feel quite like she was serving him.  She said it felt like she was serving Mike and me.

The good news was this occurred on the last day she had to adhere to the rules I have.   Today she was extremely upbeat and cheerful.  At the moment I am writing this she and Mike are over at her house getting some daily “treatment” that John usually gives her.  It involves hot wax, vibrator, whip, and sex.   What a treatment!  Afterwards Mike will come home and Donna will stay home awhile longer and Skype with John, which will include some kinky acts I am sure. Then Donna will come over and spend the night with us.

I am not sure what John has in store for her starting Sunday, as he indicated he would have further changes in routine for Donna to follow.  Both Mike and Donna will share with John what happened and the reasons why, so perhaps John won’t revert back to having her be subject to my routine and rules.  I know between Mike and John they will come up with something creative and rewarding for Donna.

Interesting, but Donna still helped out today with all my chores.  There were three major differences.  One, it was her choice to help out.  Two, she got to do them with her collar on.  Finally, she got to wear her “item of the day.”   John and Donna have a TTWD where one hour a day she has to wear the “item of the day.”   It could be a tack bra (and she has a mean looking tack bra made with upholstery tacks), butt plug, nipple/clit clamps, ankle or wrist cuffs, and I am sure I am forgetting some other things.,   Yes, sometime she has to walk around with her feet cuffed. There is enough slack that she can walk, but she has to take very small steps.  Although Mike and I haven’t tried everything they do, you can see where I get some of my ideas!

I am glad this incident resolved itself amicably.  More fun and adventure ahead!  I learned that Donna’s happy place is when she is mindful and observant to her submission.  I have identified many words in several different posts to describe my own feelings about submission – calm (Post 23), love, sexy,  and sensible (Post 27), open (Post 30),  fulfilling (Post 33), but I forgot the most basic one.

Happy!   Submission is my happy place too.

Next:  85.  Light or Dark?  Source of Submission.

61. The Iceman Cometh

Ice
Dang this ice chewing habit. I am required to self-report transgressions and Mike had me text him each time I chewed ice today. THREE TIMES!   The good news is I didn’t do it all this evening.  In any event, he’s come up with a creative punishment for the three infractions.

We just finished up dinner and he is playing a game with our son and said he will take care of getting him to bed.  “Mom has a headache and is resting.”  After dinner was done and all cleaned up he sent me to our room where I disrobed and stood in the corner awaiting his entrance.  Mike gave me a few minutes to blog which is different in and of itself as usually he isn’t one to mandate blogging. I think he is anxious to share his punishment idea. Here’s the drill tonight –

I thought he was going to spank me, but when he came into the room he shared that he had other plans. “Oh, yes you are going to get a spanking, but that will be a later. First, were’ going to do this.” He went into our treasure chest and took out the breast harness he bought. I think I mentioned it before. I wear it like a bra but it is cupless and has straps that go around the breast.  The straps can tighten around the breast. We call it my breast binder.   He had me put it on and he tightened the straps pretty tightly.   “Now,” he said, “put on your tack bra.”

Wow, I didn’t expect that. With my tits propped up and sticking out there would be little give for the tacks against normally softer flesh. I simply said “Yes, sir” and put the bra on. He gave a little squeeze and push on the bra, just enough to make me twitch from the pokes.

He then walked me to our closet and had me stand in the middle of the doorway, facing the door jamb that is opposite from where the door hinges are. He had a tape measure and had me stand six inches out from the door jamb and then instructed me to put my arms behind my back and lean into the jamb so that one breast was resting against it. Ouch! He had me count to ten, then told me to stand straight back up and now do the same with the other breast.   Again I counted to ten. Now he had me stand 12 inches from the jamb and repeat. Being further away meant than when I leaned forward and made contact with the jamb I would be putting more weight against my breast and with my arms behind my back I hit the jamb with a bit more of a thud. I am not prone to cussing, but I gave out a soft “Fuck” between my gritting teeth as I could feel major pokage (Is that a word? It is now). “That will be an additional spanking for cussing,” Mike said.

I counted to ten, and then repeated with the other breast. When that was done, he said, “let’s take a look.”

I removed the bra and sure enough there were three or four tacks that broke through the skin. Most just came right out as I pulled back the bra, but a couple were in deep enough that I had to pull them out by themselves. No blood, but it hurt to pull them out.

He told me to go blog about this and he would be back soon as there was still more before the spanking. He said when he returns we will repeat this at the 12 inches mark however I will stay leaning forward for 5 minutes per breast AND I will hold an ice cube between my teeth the entire time just partially in my mouth with most of it sticking out. He will put a cup of ice within arm’s reach and said I needed to replace it once it melts. I am not to wipe my chin or worry about water dripping down and that I’ll get to clean up when it’s done. He will check on me periodically.

Add one more thing to the list of “things I don’t like that I’ll do anyway.” This one will hurt, but I anticipate it is still within my limits. I can safe-word out of it if it comes to that.   I mentioned before this wasn’t considered a punishment bra, but, I guess it is now!

He said once this was done I would get my spanking plus the spanking for cussing. He also said if this doesn’t help change my habits, my next infraction would have an even more uncomfortable punishment. He said the ice would not just be put in my mouth next time.   Okay, I don’t want to think about that. Plus, I don’t think that image would look as appealing as the one on this post.

Well, time to get pricked and poked!

NEXT:  62. Sexual Adventures of Pre-DD Jenny

 

 

57. Maintenance Session: Apologies and Back to School Sex and Submission

We just wrapped up our weekly Maintenance Session.

Spanking revisited:
We just wrapped up our Maintenance Session. I brought up the punishment that I didn’t agree with.   At first Mike resisted a bit, saying it was about my tone and not about his frustration, but then he did admit that it was both.   He said his initial trigger in spanking me was my tone, but that he was clearly frustrated and he let that frustration into the  spanking.  He said that clearly, the third set of spankings was all about his frustration, so if we were to break it down, maybe the first set was the tone, the last the frustration, and the middle a mix of both.  Regardless, he apologized and said he knows it is important to keep the Rewards focused on the goals of our Domestic Discipline and our journey into a more D/s relationship doesn’t change that.   I was relieved that we were on the same page with this.  I am not sure how easily I would have let this go if he insisted it was only about the tone I used.

Foursome revisited:
We also talked about sex with John and Donna.  We were also in agreement there.  We both shared that we enjoyed it a lot and we both felt good about the experiences.  We both admitted to a bit of shock that we were actually living out this shared fantasy – shock as in a happy and amazing way, not in an alarming and upsetting sort of way.

We both shared that we experienced this post-coital feeling shortly after orgasm where we both wish John and Donna would go away.  It’s like we just want to be with each other in that moment.  That feeling only lasted a minute or two before we were back into loving the moment with the four of us.  We found it interesting that we both shared that post-coital feeling. I wonder if that’s a common thing with couples?

Back to School – Sex and Submission
We also talked about how things should be with school back in session tomorrow.  Mike said that once I got home from dropping our son off at school, I was to take my clothes off in the garage, before I stepped into the house.  I would remain naked all day and would only get dressed to run errands or if I had visitors other than Donna.

We also talked about Donna.  Donna works part-time and we often go shopping or run errands together in the afternoon, or otherwise just hang out together.  Now that we were having sex with John and Donna, we talked about whether Donna and I could have sex without the guys.  Mike and John had already talked it over and agreed we could, but they needed to know about it.  I would text Mike with “out with Donna” whenever Donna and I were planning to have sex.  Keep in mind thus far Donna and I have never been alone with just each other, so the thought of this really excites me.

Mike said that each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday would be a “device” day where I would have to wear something from the moment I woke up until 11 a.m. (that’s about 3.5 hours).  Monday’s would be a butt plug, Wednesday would be the tack bra, and Friday would be nipple clamps.  They remain in use even if I have errands to run.  No exceptions.   I was impressed that Mike came up with this idea on his own.  In the past this would have happened only if I suggested to Mike that I was open to something kinky, and perhaps would even have to specify what it was.  Now, he is just coming up with this stuff on his own.   It shows me he is willing to be dominant.  Of course, I love not just the dominance itself, but the fact he is comfortable coming up with ways to express his dominance.

Oh – I have been working on a really nice tack bra and will have it finished by Wednesday.  I got some ideas for it online.  I used leather and an old t-shirt and cut some bra cup shapes.  I inserted 55 tacks through one leather cup and then through the cup made from the t-shirt.  The extra layer of the t-shirt gave me something softer against my breasts and added just enough material so that the tacks were still protruding pretty well, but not as much as they would be without the extra layer of material.  You can say I am cheating, but Mike agree to this, at least for now.  It isn’t intended as a “punishment bra” so the Submissive Rules Committee allows it.

I then covered the flat side of the tacks with another piece of leather to lock the tacks in place.  I used my sewing skills and stitched it all together.   One problem with the stitching is that it pulls the layers together pretty tightly, so the new “tack pad” lays pretty flat.  I ended up having to sew this pad into the bra so that it conformed to the shape of the bra cup.  I’ve got one cup done and all is left on the remaining one is to sew it into the bra.

I continue to marvel at my personal journey over the last 17 months.  It has been quite a transformation and I can honestly say it has surpassed every expectation I had.  I’ve discovered a part of me that I didn’t know existed, and a strength and dedication that I didn’t know existed.   I am living life and loving life, every moment, every day.   It still sounds odd to say it, but I owe it all to spanking – more specifically, to Domestic Discipline. 

NEXT:  Sex with Donna. . . What did I forget?