127. About Compersion, Sex, and Change

Two posts in one day!  A few more things to catch you up on that are changes from stuff I previously shared, and then I think I will wax poetically in reflection.  Okay, probably more like a self-indulgent prosing on of my life, but whatever.  Suffice to say, I am likely gonna’ share some stuff and ramble esoterically.  

Update to Nighttime Routine
I shared before that we had a bedtime routine (108. Our “normal” evenings) where Kayla sleeps with Mike and me from Monday through Wednesday, and Mike sleeps with Kayla in her bed on Thursdays, and then with me in our bed from Friday to Sunday while Kayla sleeps alone.

We’ve changed that up.  Kayla only sleeps alone on Sunday’s, and on Monday’s she gets Mike by himself.  The rest of the week we all share the bed. And, instead of Mike going to sleep in Kayla’s bed, Kayla comes to our bed and I sleep in her bedroom by myself.

I mentioned before that originally I asked Mike to sleep in Kayla’s room on nights she had alone time with him as I wanted to stay in our bed.  My feeling at the time was that the bed represented something that was mine.  I know it sounds irrational.  Yes, sure, have sex with my husband in your room while I sleep alone in my room.  That’s totally cool!  But, you can’t have it in my room while I sleep in yours!  

I think it was an insecurity thing.  Whatever it was, Mike was agreeable and that was that, he would sleep in her room. Something eventually clicked in me where I saw the silliness of it all and told Mike that he should stay in our bed (it’s bigger and more comfortable) and Kayla and I would just swap rooms for her nights.  

I think the change for me was that a part of me felt threatened by her and that part no longer feels that way.  I look at her as part of Mike and I, and I don’t feel “less than” anytime she does something that puts her in a position of attention or special treatment from Mike, even if that attention or treatment comes at the expense of my own attention or treatment from Mike.   I love Mike and I love being with him any and all times. And I also love Kayla, and I know having one night together alone with Mike is special to her (because I get such a night myself and it is special to me).  I also know Mike enjoys it.  Ultimately, I don’t want to deny or minimize their night together by forcing it to be different, thus, I offered to sleep in her room on her nights with him.  

I get a triple dose of pleasure.  One dose is in the feeling of compersion that fills me when Mike is enjoying Kayla’s company, whether sexual or not.  The other is in that same feeling over Kayla enjoying Mike.  And the last dose is from doing something that submits to Mike’s enjoyment over mine.  

WHO HAS THE MOST SEX WITH MIKE?
Sister 2 asked me if Mike has more sex with Kayla than with me.  The answer is, he has a whole lot of sex with both of us, but overall, more with Kayla.  This shocked her and of course required an explanation for how I reconciled that in my mind.

Truth is, until she asked I hadn’t thought about it.  It simply was what it was.  It also depends on what you define as “sex.”  She certainly gives him way more head than me.  She really loves fellatio and admits to it, and she loves swallowing.  It really turns her on as she looks at it as a significant sign of submission.  She even sometimes has an orgasm while giving head – something I’ve never done.  I like giving head, she LOVES it. Of course Mike loves it too, so, why should I feel bad about letting the two of them do something they love?    

It has become sort of blasé.  I’ve walked into a room many times to find her on her knees going at it.  Or sometimes I am already in the room and Mike makes some subtle gesture to her and she promptly goes to town on him.  It can be in the middle of watching a show or even in the middle of a conversation we are having.  

Prompted by my sisters questions, I asked Mike and Kayla if they thought they had more sex together than Mike and I do.  They agreed that Kayla probably has more, but you have to put “more” in the right context.  Mike and I have a lot of sex.  It is not like we have it once a week and Mike and Kayla have it daily.  It is more like Mike and I have it 10-15 times a week and Kayla has it 15-20. (yes, Mike’s a busy guy!).  And again, I am putting all sexual acts under the category of “sex” and not just penis/vagina penetration.  

Suffice to say I am not left wanting.  Kayla is younger and has more sexual energy, and Mike loves it, so, let them have however much they want.  One thing that came from our discussion was that Mike observed the sex with Kayla is a bit rougher.  More from behind, more aggressive, more loud.  His comment was no surprise to any of us and Kayla and I agreed!  I’ve seen it and heard it plenty as most of the time I am there or nearby when they have sex.    

While a lot has changed since first embracing DD two years ago, and since Kayla moved in three months ago, the one thing that has not changed is that I enjoy the vulnerability of it all.  I’ve talked vulnerability before in 67. An Esoteric Ramble.  I re-read that post and all of that is still true.  I believe that greater vulnerability has led to even greater fulfillment which in turn has led to one significant change in our DD.  As I mentioned at the end of my last post, it is less about “Jenny style” and more about Mike.

When I first set about my DD journey, it was all about me and what I wanted.  In one of my early posts I wrote about it as being a surrender of myself, but a surrender on my terms. That is true.  Over time I found my greatest fulfillment was in doing things where Mike would ad-lib.  That is, he did things that were not explicitly permitted in our Contract. The contract allows him lots of discretion, but it also spelled out some specific things.  So it was really more about him using that discretion within the spirit of the Contract, versus doing something that was not allowed.   At first he was reluctant to show much discretion and tried to keep within the things that were explicitly agreed upon in advance.  In hindsight that was a very good thing as I don’t know if I was ready for much “discretion.” But over time he came to understand what I wanted and needed, as well as what he wanted and needed.  He has slowly showed more discretion and I am ready to serve him at his complete discretion now. 

Now, while our contract is not up for another year, I am already thinking ahead.  I know that our next version will be far more focused on what he wants than what I want.  We don’t have to wait for a contract to make that happen, but I’ve found that putting things down on paper help serve as cement on your own commitments.  It’s like the fact you don’t have to always tell your loved ones that you love them, but it sure goes a long way when you do!

In looking back on my DD journey I feel that all along I was on a path towards a greater submission to Mike, but Kayla has helped speed up my pace along that path.  Watching her submit and watching Mike be more of a Master than simply a Dom, has really excited me. While I don’t want the things that Kayla wants, I do want some of those things.  

Kayla is all-in on submitting to Mike.  Her latest contract was very short.  There wasn’t really much beyond her preamble of “I serve you and all your desires, no matter how silly, strange, or dark they may be.  I am at your command to do whatever, whenever, and with or to whomever, that you order.”   She had a few hard limits stated, but not many. 

I discovered that I was way more turned on than I thought when I watched Mike be Dominant, and there was some of that Dominance that I wanted directed at me.  I’ve shared this with Mike (as I share every thought and desire) and he has accommodated.  I guess in that way it is still DD Jenny Style, but that style is now based more on Mike’s whim.  I love that!  

NEXT: 128. Transforming through Journaling

 

123. Mischievous Mike and the Swim

I am sharing some of the events that Mike and Kayla shared with me regarding their trip to Florida together.  I previously shared their silliness at the airport, and will now share another escapade of theirs that I call, “The Swim.” 

I want to remind you of a few things so you understand a bit about what Kayla was feeling during these experiences.  You can learn more about her on Post 91 Undressing Kayla.  She is the admittedly “quirky girl” and shy, at least in groups – she has never been shy around us.  She is overly self-conscious of her looks, even though she is beautiful.  While she seems a confident and vibrant 22-year old around us, in many ways she is like an insecure 14 or 15-year-old when in public or especially when around people her own age. She has always been more comfortable around older people.  Throughout school her friends were always several grades ahead of her and today, her friends are all in their late twenties to early thirties (and then of course there is us).  I restate this to give greater context as to the impact the experiences I am sharing had on Kayla.

Mike told Kayla to purchase a two-piece bathing suit for their upcoming trip.  He said that it needed to be “skimpy.”  Mike knew that would be difficult for her.  I mentioned before she has been around my family for many years, even on vacation with us.  In any swimming activities she always wore a one piece.  Too shy and self-conscious to attempt the bikini.  

She bought one and tried it on for Mike and he told her to return it – not skimpy enough.  He even spanked her for not following his orders to buy something skimpy.  He called it “revealing but not skimpy” and sent her back to purchase another.  He was happy with the second purchase – low cut all around so there was both some cleavage action and had both some side-boob and bottom-boob action.  This link is a fairly good representation of the top.  The one she got had a little more coverage than that one, but, it gives you a good idea. It required frequent adjustment while wearing it to keep the boob coverage publicly presentable.  The bottom was skimpy too.  Small and tight in the crotch and, while not a g-string, it showed a lot of ass.  This link shows one that was fairly close to what her bottom looked like from the front (it wasn’t a g-string though).  

He asked her how she liked it.  Having to be honest she said, “I like it because it is what you want for me.”   He asked if this was something she would wear if he didn’t require it.  Without hesitation she said, “No, Sir, I would not.”   “Good, then I know for sure it is the right one for you,” he proudly said.

They went down to the pool as late as they could and the only people there was a table of what turned out to be college aged kids.  Mike told Kayla she wanted her to “flaunt” her body.   She made big sweeping adjustments to her top, and when she did she gave them an innocent and incidental  flash of her boobs – which they clearly saw as they were already checking her out. 

Kayla, being on a bold streak after the airport experience,  not only did that, but made eye contact with the group as she “adjusted” and said, “Oh, hello y’all.” 

Mike and Kayla were in the water at one end of the pool.  Mike embraced Kayla, wrapping his arms around her, and told her, “I want you to swim the length of the pool and when you reach the wall on the other side, stand up, wipe the water from your eyes, and then swim back to me.  She did so.  This time he told her, “Good, I want you to do it again, but I want you to have a wardrobe malfunction. I want you to lose your top just a few feet from me but keep swimming.  When you get to the other side, stand up again and give a bit of a shriek and yell, “I lost my top!”  I don’t want you to go back under the water and I don’t want you to cover yourself with your hands.  We will just ad-lib it from there.

She did as she was told and of course when she shrieked, the guys all looked over.  Kayla then said, “Where did my top go?”  One of the guys at the table pointed in the water near Mike, “there it is.”   The guys looked over at Mike and as he retrieved the top he said, “Well, you might as well get a good look before she gets it on.”   Undaunted, Kayla gave a pose and cupped her boobs together and said, “Well, if he wants you to have a good look, then let me make them easier to see.”   Mike then tossed her top, not to Kayla, but out of the pool near the table.  Mike said, “Go get it.”

The young men just laughed and looked over at Kayla as she had this surprised look about her.  One of the guys got up and said, “I’ll toss it to you.”  Kayla, knowing that Mike is purposely trying to embarrass her and feeling confident after her “win” over his last attempt to do so, said, “What’s wrong, you don’t want me to get any closer to you?  Just leave it and I’ll come get it.”  

With that she swam back to the end where Mike was. She told Mike, “Now would like me to lose my bottoms, Sir?”   Mike had played a few games like this before with her, but this trip was like “major league” play.  Yet this rookie Kayla really knows how to play this game.  She totally flipped the script and instead of Mike pushing her, she was the one pushing to see how far Mike would take things.  

Mike told her to leave her bottoms on and to retrieve her top.  In telling me this story Mike said he had Kayla leave her bottoms on only because he was concerned there could be kids coming in or it could cause trouble.  I slyly told him, “How convenient, Sir, are you sure it wasn’t the fact that you were simply the first to blink.  Sounded to me like Kayla was ready to go further.  I think she wins again.”

Kayla 2.  Mike 0. 

Kayla said, “Hell yeah  I won, and I even took it further.  Let me tell you about my victory lap!”  Turned out when she got herself out of the pool and walked over to her top she told the guys at the table, “Here’s a closer look.  Look all you want.”  She then took the top and sort of half put it on.  She  then asked one of the guys to tie it for her. She purposely let one boob hang out for some time before “noticing” she needed to tuck it in.   Once the top was secured she looked down and said, “Oh, you can barely see my nipple through this thing.”  With that, she stuck her hand under her top and tweaked both nipples for about ten seconds.  “There, don’t you all think that looks better?  Thanks guys. Isn’t Orlando fun?!”

She then went back into the pool and embraced Mike and laughingly said, “Sir, I will do anything for you.  Although I am full of embarrassment, I can always will myself to surrender to your will.  I am all yours and my embarrassment is not as important to me as my service to you.”  They stayed in the pool a little longer, and then got out and went over and talked to the guys for a bit.   That’s when they found out they were in college.  It was two pairs of brothers who were each other’s cousins Did I explain that clearly?  Whatever – not important to the story.

While Mike generally likes to win at these games, he was now even more motivated since he had  “lost” twice in a row.  Could he actually conjure up a public scene that could break her will power?  Of course, this is bounded by what is safe, sane, and legal, as well as her hard limits.  Other than that, it is only limited by Mike’s imagination.  Well, Orlando is the land of magic and imagination.  He had more in store for her the next morning. 

NEXT: 124. Mischievous Mike and the Room, the dance, the term, and the treat.

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

117. The Stick of Truth, Part I (A Discipline Trilogy)

This event occurred two weeks ago, but I needed some time to better reflect and reconcile this before I was comfortable posting about it.  I want to share a lot of the details, so will need to break this up into more than one post.  

Last week, before their Orlando trip, on a day when Mike was at work I overheard Kayla talking to a friend on her phone and she let several expletives fly.  Cussing is not allowed, and something we addressed with Kayla before (Post 102.Sharing Salacious Spanking Stories and Post 105. Potty Mouth).

I gestured to Kayla that she needed to get off the phone and she mouthed “Yes M’am” and told her friend goodbye.  I immediately recalled Mike’s instructions to me if she were to cuss again and he was not home.  I was to repeat the punishment he gave her, and then he would administer another when he got home.

We were both already naked, as we are apt to be on a school day, so I had her immediately bend over and I spanked her several times by hand.  I then recalled that Mike spanked her with his belt, and since he asked me to repeat his punishment, I felt that the belt was necessary to be compliant with his orders.  So, I stopped and told her to go get one of his belts and return to me.  She soon returned.  I don’t know how many Mike actually was expecting, but I thought 20 was about right, so that’s what I gave her.

I then had her follow me to the bathroom and did a soap punishment akin to what Mike did previously.  I then talked to her about what Mike had said the last time she cussed.  He said that the next time she cussed he wouldn’t just have her rinse with water.  He said that if she had a potty mouth, he would treat it as a potty, which clearly meant piss, although he didn’t use that word.   I mentioned before that this wouldn’t violate any hard limits Kayla has (or that I have), but I really have a hard time with being part of that kind of punishment. For me it crosses a line from submissive to humiliation.  I talked to Kayla about it and while she had reservations, she said she was prepared for whatever Mike had in mind.  I did not share the same thoughts.

LET ME TELL MIKE
I told her I was tempted to not tell Mike and just let this go.  She was quick to remind me we both were punished before for “conspiring” to break a rule (109.  The Tuck. The Spank. The Slumber) and keeping this from him would be a major no-no.  I told her I just don’t want to be part of whatever Mike has in mind if he follows through with what he said – and I was certain he would follow through.   

I told her I didn’t like the idea of keeping it from him, but I disliked what was in store for her more.  She tried to reassure me that she could handle it and wouldn’t feel humiliated. She said she feels she is Mike’s, and will do whatever he commands, short of her hard limits.  Her hard limits are simply no scat, no blood, and nothing that she feels could cause scaring or injury.  I know Kayla is up for just about anything, and it seems so dumb of me to object, but I couldn’t help what I was feeling.

TO DRINK, OR NOT TO DRINK?
I suggested we read up on the topic.  I laughed when I came across a biblical reference that some use to support the practice of drinking urine.  Proverbs 5:15 says “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.”  While I would interpret that passage differently, it is no more a stretch to read more into that passage than how many people creatively interpret other passages to justify their actions.  Biblical or not, apparently urine is 95% water and has no medicinal value nor health effects- but I am not so sure how thorough this has actually been studied.  And what Mike was inferring was simply rinsing — but still — for whatever reason, I object.

I shared with Kayla that I was also concerned with her ever escalating submission.  We talk frequently about this and she reminded me that in her mind her submission is not “ever escalating.” In her mind it is Mike’s dominance, and somewhat mine, that is needing to escalate to match her desires.  Thus far I do feel confident that Kayla is not taking on anything she can’t handle, and everything to date has seemed to help her and she is happy, energized, and fulfilled.  I just don’t want that to change or want to move too fast.  She is not even two months into this lifestyle. 

She reassured me that she could handle this and that she would not hesitate to use her safe word to put a stop to any action she was concerned with.  She was very firm in her conviction.  She said she truly accepts her complete surrender to Mike and in her words, “Negotiations ended with the contract.”  Whether she liked the idea of this particular punishment or not, she finds it abhorrent to not obey.  I have to give her credit for her commitment and submissive mind set as these were the strongest words she has used thus far to explain her mind set.  None-the-less, I still asked her not to say anything to Mike as I wanted an opportunity to talk to him first.

It was normal that when Mike got home from work that one of us, usually me, would follow him to the room and talk with him while he changed.  I often use that time to tell Mike about events of the day including any punishments that Kayla earned that day.   Just in case I was in the middle of something and it was going to be Kayla that walked with him to the room, I asked her to not to bring up the cussing incident and let me talk to him about it later.  Well, sure enough, when Mike came home I was helping J with something in his room and Mike had already asked Kayla to follow him.

KAYLA SPILLS THE BEANS
Kayla tried to accommodate my request, but just couldn’t keep it from Mike.  I wasn’t there, but this is how it was explained to me.  It started off with Kayla telling Mike that there was an “event” that occurred where I had to punish her but that I wanted to talk to him about it first.

In hindsight I agree that was appropriate for Kayla to say.  She wasn’t trying to keep anything from Mike and was just letting him know that I preferred to talk to him about it first.  Mike could have simply told Kayla to spill the beans, or simply said fine, he would talk to me.  But, no self respecting Dom would do that.  No, Mike saw the opportunity to make a point with Kayla.  

He asked Kayla why she thought he should talk to me first.  Kayla said that I wanted to discuss the punishment I gave her so that anything he added to it would recognize what she already received.

He asked her what she did.  Kayla said, “Ma’am wanted to be the one to tell you, Sir, but since you asked, I will still tell you if you still want me to.”  She was trying to meet her commitments to Mike while not disregarding what I asked her.

Noticing that Kayla was uneasy, Mike decided to escalate her uneasiness and asked her what she thought about my request.  Kayla admitted that she did not like it and added, “I want to tell you everything and will tell you everything but Ma’am asked me to allow her to be the one to speak with you first so I agreed.  Of course, now that you know her request, it is up to you and I will tell you everything if you wish.”

Mike continued with his questions.  “How do you think Jen would feel if you just told me all about it?”  Kayla said, “I think she would be disappointed because she thinks it would be better for everyone if she gets to explain things, but, I also know she would understand that I needed to answer you.”

Mike then asked, So, Kayla, do you think it would be better for everyone to have her explain it to me first?”

Kayla: “No, Sir, it would not be better for everyone.” 
Mike:  “Would it be better for you?”
Kayla:  “No, Sir, it would not be better for me.”
Mike: “Would it be better for me?”
Kayla: “No, Sir, it would not be better for you.”
Mike: “Would it be better for Jen?”
Kayla: “Yes, Sir, it would be better for Jen as that is what she wants.”

Mike continued, “Do you believe that in order for me to trust you that you should tell me everything, without filters from Jen or anyone else?”

“Yes, Sir, I should tell you everything.” she replied.

“Do you believe you are fulfilling your commitments to me by withholding something simply because Jen asked you?”

“No, Sir, I am not fulfilling my commitments when I withhold something from you, no matter what the reason.” Her lips began to tremble as she felt she was stuck and let Mike down and was also letting me down. 

Mike recapped, “So Kayla, you would risk my losing trust in you by withholding something from me simply because Jen asked.  Even though you felt it would not be better for everyone, you still agreed to have Jen tell me instead of you?”

Kayla said, “Sir, I didn’t agree to withhold anything.  I simply agreed to allow her to be the one to talk to you first, and I said now that you know what Ma’am wanted, it is clearly still up to you and I will gladly tell you if you just ask.”

Mike responded, “You didn’t answer my question.  It is a yes or no question.  Would you risk losing my trust by withholding something from me, yes, or no?”

“No sir, I would not risk that,” she replied. 

Mike then added, “So not only did you risk that, but you also went against your own judgement that this was not better for everyone.   Is it that your commitment to tell me everything is unimportant to you?” 

“No, Sir, all my commitments are very important to me, especially that one.”
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Mike then asked, “And what again does that particular commitment say about what you are to share with me?

Kayla quickly answered, “Sir, I am to share everything, my day, my thoughts, my doubts, my desires.”

“Does it say that you only share them if I ask you?”

“No Sir, I share them without asking,” she again quickly answered. 

“Then do you agree you failed in your commitment by waiting for me to ask you?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Yes, Sir, what?”

“Yes, Sir, I failed in my commitment to you”

Mike ordered her to undress, go to her room, and stand in the corner and he would be in there when he finished changing.   He soon came into her room and had her bend over. He lubed up and inserted an anal plug, then he attached the “three clamps.”  This is a clamp for each nipple and one for the clit, connected by a chain.  He told her to lay on her bed and he cuffed her wrists to the bedpost above her head.  He also put the ball gag and a blindfold on her.  He gave the chain a few tugs and said he would return after he had his dinner.  Mike never asked her anything about what earned her punishment or why I asked to to be the one to talk to him first.  

Mike came to dinner and said Kayla wasn’t feeling well and was resting in her room.  I could tell there was more to it and that this explanation was for J’s sake. 

More on my next post!

NEXT:  The Stick of Truth, Part II

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19. Sex Clause / How we use it.

Exploring the Boundaries
Your mind is probably thinking of tons of crazy sex acts that must have resulted from Mike evoking the power I gave him in the “sex clause” in our DD contract.  There is one “crazy” one in particular that I will share last, but first, just know mostly I would label his typical use of the clause as “reasonably steamy and mildly sordid.” (This post may be easier to follow if you read  My Approach to my DD Contract, Our DD Contract, and/or Sexual Thoughts, Dreams, Desires, Fantasies).

I can’t remember the exact first time Mike evoked the sex clause but I do remember that he became more vocal in asking for certain things.   Some were things we’ve done many times that he just wanted more of, other were new. For instance, I learned he was way more into ass-play than I previously knew.  We had done anal many times, but apparently it was one of his favorites, as was ass fingering, whether me to him, him to me, or me to me. He also likes to see me naked, no surprise there, but he likes it when I walk around the house naked.  Easy enough, as long as no one else is home.

Some other mild things included adding some more toys to our sex — blindfolds, dildos, beads, nipple clamps, and other assorted items.  We also spent many evenings searching porn together – something we never did before – and would share with each other the type of things that did or did not turn us on.

There are a couple of “steamy” stories I’ll share. The first one I’ll share resulted in my masturbating in front of another couple, but before I share the details of that, here is what led up to that experience.

Public Masturbation
Mike really loves it when I masturbate.  I never know when he is going to suddenly ask me to masturbate in front of him (of course, when no one is home).  One of the most creative and amusing ideas he had involves public masturbation.  He had me cut out the pockets in a pair of my baggy pants so that I can access my pussy through my pockets.  I then don’t wear any panties.   I have masturbated “through my pockets” at movies, at dinner, or other events.

This all came about because we discovered we both shared a mutual desire regarding me masturbating for an audience.  In reality the only audience was Mike as no one knew what I was doing (or at least I didn’t notice anyone figuring it out).  But it was still in public and was and is a big turn on for both of us — and a challenge for me to climax as quietly as possible.

As fun as that was, and still is, it was not really fulfilling that desire we both had of actually “performing” for an audience.  That opportunity would come (pun intended).

I’ll share that in my next post.
Next – 20. Putting on a Show.

7. Accepting Punishment

The thoughts of my husband spanking me at best seemed silly, and at worst uncomfortable, demeaning, and humiliating.   I am not a child – and I don’t even believe in spanking children.  Even just thinking about the submissive nature of positioning my body to be spanked.  That didn’t “sit” well with me (ha – some spanking humor).  Oh yeah, and then there is the pain part.

Yep.  I was pretty convinced that I would never get comfortable with the thought of physical punishment.  But my mind kept working at it because as I shared in my prior post, I was convinced there was something DD could do to help my life in a profound and meaningful way.

I tried a Pro and Con list but it didn’t really work.  The only positive is that I have always liked a little pain with sex – light spanking when in a doggy position or very hard nipple twisting (I would often tell Mike to twist/pull harder!).  But that was sex, not punishment.  And then there were the non-physical forms of punishment.  The withholding of privileges or corner time.  I kept thinking maybe I could come up with something that has the rules but other consequences.  But what consequences?

Anything I thought of short of what DD calls for seemed shallow, and I wanted to be fully committed and wanted my husband to fully commit. I realized that because the thought of punishments was so abhorrent to me, that perhaps that is the point.  I should have a punishments consistent with providing an incentive to uphold my commitments to myself.  Since nothing else seemed like an appropriate way to be held accountable, I started warming up to the idea of being spanked.

I went back to the fact that I realized my life was not in good order.  In good order according to my wishes and desires – not anyone elses.  I was not living up to my own standards and I was not happy and it was mostly of my own doing.

The thought of giving my husband many of the controls continued to intrigue me.  I felt it would reduce my burdens, and give me structure to accomplish the things I want to accomplish as a person, a wife, and a mother. To really commit to my duties and obligations, I needed a strong consequence when I failed.

Ultimately, I never fully reconciled it in my mind to the point I was “for” it.   I simply decided to put aside my issues with the punishment and take a chance with DD.   A tremendous release came over me once I resigned myself to the idea of punishment. I knew I was ready for DD.  Now, how do I get my husband on board?

NEXT – 8.NOW I am ready to get hubby aboard.