Tag Archives: sub frenzy

155. Kayla Update: Acts of Service, Rituals, and more.

155

I added a post script to Post 153. Kayla the Master, that you may have missed.  I realized that Kayla was going through a Sub-frenzy.  Even before this frenzy, she was already more submissive to Mike than I am.  From the beginning she was into having more rituals and performing more acts of service compared to me.  The Immersion unleashed this frenzy that has taken those things to a greater extreme.  I’ll get back to that in a moment. 

She starts grad school August 22.  It will be an adjustment for all of us as we are all so accustomed to her being around the house almost all the time.  It will also be a big adjustment for her to be away so much during the day.  She is a bit worried that she can stay focused on school and on her submission.  She is an excellent student and has our complete support.  To help her with that balance, Mike has made it clear she would be punished if she was not focusing on school.  Not that she needs that motivation as she will likely get all A’s anyway, but, she liked the idea of making doing well in school yet another act of submission.

KAYLA NEEDING MORE
In response to Kayla’s desire for more structure, more discipline, and more submission, she needed and wanted to be subject to many more rituals and acts of service.  The three of us talked about this and did some web browsing to get ideas, many of which were implemented.     

Before I share with you the many rituals and acts of service that Kayla has to follow, it is important to share what these things mean to us and especially to Kayla.  Kayla was clear that these activities are about being Mike’s subject, not his object.  It’s easy to get those confused, but to us, a subject is the doer – the initiator, the giver.  An object is a thing being observed or used without regard.

ACTS OF SERVICE
For Kayla, these acts are important ways for her to go out of her way to show her love for Mike and that she is thinking of him.  There are subtle acts, such as physical touching whenever speaking to him, as well as a litany of overt services.  I probably am missing some, but this should give you a good idea:

  • Maintaining his car.  She cleans it every day, makes sure the gas is above half a tank, she takes care of oil changes, inspection/registration etc.  
  • She cleans his office every day
  • She is always prepared when we go out.  She has all sorts of “just in case he needs them” things in her purse.  Hand lotion, glasses cleaner, moist towelettes, shoelaces, toothpicks, band aides, etc.  
  • She runs errands such as getting gifts on his behalf for upcoming family birthdays such as siblings, nieces, nephews. 
  • Offers back rubs, neck/shoulder massage
  • Warms a towel in the dryer whenever he gets into the shower and has it ready for him when he gets out.  She also drys him.
  • Meticulously folds his clothes and irons everything, lays out clothes for him to wear.
  • Gives him a manicure and/or pedicure
  • There’s a variety of sexual and kink related acts of service as well.  

I am subject to all of these, although we have developed a few different sex/kink related acts that are unique to me or unique to Kayla.   But Kayla is the Energizer Bunny when it comes to the acts and thus more often than not she performs most of them.  That’s fine by me!  Of course, I step in if there are things going on where Kayla is not available to do those things.  With school starting, I suspect I will be responsible for completing more acts of service.    

RITUALS
This is where Kayla and I differ greatly.  I don’t do much of this.  It just isn’t where I get fulfillment and more importantly, Mike hasn’t asked these things of me.  By the way, I would certainly do them if he required me to. 

Ritual wise, she does a nightly weigh-in and inspection with Mike.  During this she recites what she did for him that day and she always provides him words of affirmation regarding how she believes in him and loves him.  They have this whole mantra or dialogue they do.  Kayla wrote it out as a script and memorized it.

I won’t share the details but basically it is a series of questions that Mike asks her and she gives the scripted answer, verbatim, else she is spanked.  It starts with Mike asking, “Who loves you?” and Kayla responding, “You do, sir.”  It goes on with Mike asking why, how is that love shown, etc.   Kayla responds to each question, some of them quite lengthy scripted responses she must correctly recite.  It also includes her saying a lot of self affirmations as well.   It’s cute and touching, and I enjoy listening to it each night as it always puts a smile on my face.

Oh, I want to mention that the weigh-in thing is Kayla’s idea.  Mike does not get on her about her weight.  That is 100% Kayla self imposing this ritual.  There is no “fat shaming” that goes on.  For one, she isn’t fat, in fact, she is in great shape and even more amazing shape since coming to live with us.  Kayla chooses to be accountable to Mike regarding her figure.  Mike is always very complimentary of her and there is no punishments if the scale ticks up.  

CUES
Mike and Kayla have developed many gestures or cues, to communicate with each other.  For instance, if he snaps his fingers she is to immediately drop to her knees and take a submissive pose.  If he winks at her, she is to flirt with whomever is with us.  A short wave of his finger means she is to go to her room and await a spanking.  There are many other gestures as well.  I can’t keep up.   Kayla wrote them all down and even Mike forgets them sometimes.  

For Kayla, these things give her a heighten focus and attention, at least until they become second nature to her.   She then adds a few more, repeats the heighten focus and attention, and again, those too eventually become second nature.  Repeat.

It’s a very eloquent thing to watch.  The simple interaction, that pinpoint gesture where her servitude is displayed in an instant.  It fulfills her to learn these things and to adhere to these things.  I get a sense of submissive fulfillment just watching her.

POSES
There are a variety of submissive poses.  Just Google it and you’ll see many types of poses for submissives and slaves.   Mike and Kayla have combined the cues with various poses such that a “double snap” means a specific pose, different than the single snap of the fingers.  Or if he holds up his hand as if to motion “Halt,” then it is yet a different pose.  
There’s a couple of kneeling poses, an attention pose, an inspection pose, a presentation pose, a sex doll pose, and others.  I can’t keep up.  That’s Mike and Kayla’s thing.  But again, I enjoy watching her react when he gestures her to take a pose. 

So, that’s an update on Kayla’s submission.  As I stated in my last post, my submission is on a pretty even keel.  Nothing has really changed, except my contentment.  Things are in a great rhythm and I am enjoying serving Mike, enjoying Kayla being part of our “love circle,” and just overall enjoying life!  

NEXT:  156. A QUIET MIND

153. Kayla the Master

153

WHAT’S UP??
Three weeks without a post is a record for me.  I just haven’t felt the motivation to post. 
It is a combination of things being in a very smooth groove with no surprises.  No new insights, no new anything.   I am not complaining.  It’s been a nice respite from what seems like two plus years of ever evolving self discovery.

Part of the lull is that it is summer and our son is home from school and our middle son, who is in college, is in and out at unpredictable times.  Much of our TTWD is relegated to the evenings, behind closed doors, or occasional trips to John and Donna’s for added privacy when needed.  

FOCUS ON KAYLA
Over the last three weeks most of the focus on TTWD has been on Kayla.  
She had an amazing experience with the Immersion, and really discovered some fetishes that she enjoys.  She likes to play “little girl,” to the extent of wearing a diaper, but not all the time.  She also likes serving Mike in more intense and continual ways.   She has always served him, but lately she is always at the ready to do any and everything for him.  She likes to bathe him, shave him (mostly his face, but not always, hee hee), and well, be his receptacle in ways you can surly imagine. 

She is extremely focused on anticipating his needs and moves in a flash when he expresses any need.  I imagine if I didn’t know the situation as I do, that I would think she was under Mike’s spell.  

I’ve talked to her about this.  I assume there is a threshold where perhaps this can be unhealthy.   I don’t know what the threshold is, and she certainty hasn’t crossed it, but it’s out there somewhere.  She functions fine when he is not around, and she hasn’t allowed anything harmful to happen to her (not that I think Mike would harm her).   My concern is that the trust she puts in Mike, although well deserved and earned, may lead her to believe she can place this type of trust in other men in the future.   She very well may be able to do that, but she needs to keep her senses and sense of self.  

When I talk to her about this she admits she thrives on losing herself to Mike.  She reiterated her “Manifesto” to me.  She admits she has no sense of self, only a sense of him.  She recognizes our situation is unique and feels this is a safe and nurturing environment and she would “snap out of it” if she ever felt otherwise.   She says it is that sense of safety and sense of nurturing that allows her to lose herself.  Otherwise, she wouldn’t do it.  So, that’s that.

NOT WANTING
In some ways I’ve had fewer “submissive” needs over the last several weeks.  I’ve had some spankings and other punishments, but nothing out of the ordinary – and I am not left wanting.   My “balance” has allowed me to focus more on Kayla, to talk with her and guide her, and to be a sufficient proxy when Mike is not around.  I haven’t always been in a mood for that, but lately, it’s just seems very natural and easy for me.

Not wanting.  That really sums up my feelings lately.  I am happy with where things are we me, with Mike, with our household.  And when things are going well it makes it easy to give your energy to others.  Lately, that energy has been on Kayla.  I am happy for her and happy that I am able to give her that.    

KAYLA THE MASTER?
She starts school soon.  That will be an interesting transition.  She has spent so much of the last seven months with us old folks.  The return to the environment, routines, and demands of school may be a shock to her system.

Oh, and Kayla is starting a Masters program.  We joke whether or not it is appropriate for a submissive to get their Masters?!   Of course we are kidding, as a sub can be as educated as they wish to be, it’s just, do they have to call it a Masters?

ADDENDUM: It dawned on me after posting this, that Kayla is showing all the signs and symptoms of Sub Frenzy!  Can’t believe I didn’t recognize that sooner.  Ah, to be in frenzy!! 

NEXT: 154. RIDING THE WAVE

 

 

102. Sharing Salacious Spanking Stories

tonguetwister

Say this five time as fast as you can:  — Sharing several salacious spanking stories. —

Not quite a tongue twister, but a nice alliteration none-the-less. Whatever it is, it is my mantra for today.

REFLECT AND SET THE SITUATION
Before I share, I’ll first do my favorite thing and reflect. Kayla moved in Monday, the 26th. With one son home from college on break and the other off for another week, it’s been difficult to be overly submissive. We have had to rely on certain nods of the head or other gestures to communicate the need to talk or point out something that is best not said aloud with our present company. Not the best way to start things for Kayla, but she got a nice “introduction” late last week as I shared in my prior post. However, that’s not to say Kayla and I haven’t found ways to remain submissive or be punished. (That didn’t come out right – we don’t look for ways to get spanked – I meant when a spanking was deserved, we found ways to get the spanking done.

Thankfully John and Donna have been accommodating in allowing us to come over and use their house. We jokingly tell John and Donna that we need to “pee pee” as in the abbreviations P. P. for “punishment privacy.”  There’s been a lot of deferred punishments as we have run out of excuses to our kids for running over to John and Donna’s.  It is also a bit humorous when there is a window of opportunity and we scurry to get spanked before the window closes.  My older son, T2, may decide to take J somewhere, or, J may be doing something we me or Kayla, allowing Mike to be with either Kayla or me as needed.  In a pinch, Mike has even delegated to me on administering a spanking to Kayla so that the spanking not be delayed too long.  

I’ve talked to Kayla a lot about how she is feeling and how things are stacking up against her expectations. Overall she says she is doing great but does feel an anxiousness over the desire to really get into a submissive routine.  That routine is challenged by the holiday traffic in our house. She said the experience of the spankings she got late last week have her craving for more. Not specifically more spankings, but just more submission. I sense her uneasiness and anxiety is a bit like the sub-frenzy I went through at one point. There is an addiction to the endorphins and other chemicals that the body naturally produces and it takes some time for that to level out.

I continued to be amazed at how committed she is to this and how she did all she could to prepare. She shared a lot of the stuff she read about online regarding not just DD or D/s but on all sorts of dynamics.  She certainly researched it more than I did when I adopted this lifestyle.   For me there was this sudden connection and attraction to DD that strongly resonated with me. I just knew it was the “thing” for me.

It was and is different for Kayla. She wasn’t looking for something like this. I opened her to the idea when I shared my lifestyle with her. While I did not suggest or infer she adopt it, she said it really intrigued her. She wants to be sexually adventurous but in a safe manner, and she wants to explore different aspects of herself, again, in a safe a manner.  She knows she has some mild neuroses and could easily make some poor choices in trying to cope with it and this exploring could be bad for her if not done safely.

Kayla has been very comfortable in being open and honest  about her feelings. She hasn’t hesitated to share what is on her mind, even when the subject is uncomfortable such as sexual desires. I won’t share all of them with you, but she did admit she is open to exploring more, such as what I did with my M/s Immersion, or in attending some FetLife functions – but all within the safety she feels with Mike and I being present. She said she is no hurry to do those things, and wants to first get into a “submissive groove” with Mike and I.

Kayla has been good at sharing her feelings when we talk in a more reflective or contemplative fashion.  However, she is still unsure of how to articulate her feelings “in the moment.”   What we’ve learned and that she has acknowledged is that she second guesses herself in the moment and is afraid to say anything as it may be “wrong.”  

She philosophically understands that a feeling is a feeling and while they could be insensitive or misplaced, they are never wrong.  Despite that understanding, her tendency is to say nothing at all.  She then lets it fester while she tries to figure out the “right” feeling in her mind.  She then tends to be far more critical of herself, bestowing an inadequacy on herself that in her mind was the cause for the incident.  If she learns to express herself in the moment and engage in a dialogue, I believe she will find that more often than not the situation can resolve itself right there.  No need for second guessing or beating herself up later – and, that the other person’s reaction will be far less critical of her (if at all), than she is of herself.  Easier said than done. I know (as does she) that this habit was born out of how to best survive in an environment that did not react well to dialogue.

OKAY – NOW SOME SALACIOUS SPANKING STORIES!
Let’s see – how about the first time I spanked Kayla!   But first, let me remind you of a few things.  Kayla’s contract is structured like mine when it comes to the types of Rewards (aka spankings). There are Immediate, Prompt, and Delayed Rewards. There is a Rewards Ceremony that outlines how they are administered. Immediate Rewards are given on the spot with a fast paced spanking (“shock and awe” as we call it). After an initial set of spankings, we must state why we received the spanking. If we are able to correctly state why we earned it, then we get a second and final spanking. If we are unable to do so, we get a second spanking, followed by an explanation as to why we earned it, then followed by a third and final spanking.

The first time I spanked Kayla was for cussing. Call us prudes but neither Mike nor I are big cussers. Neither of our parents cussed much and it just isn’t in our nature. Not to say we haven’t let the occasional curse word fly, but it is rare. Added to this is that J really gets freaked out when he hears a cuss word. It is typically more about the emotion in which they are said than it is the actual word, but he actually gets angry and quite animated when he hears someone cuss. Thus, we try extra hard to avoid it.  

On Christmas Eve her and I were home alone for a bit when Kayla dropped her phone and said, “Oh, Fu*k!”  While I agree that when you see your phone rapidly descending towards the floor it is worthy of an “Oh Fu*k” moment, we just can’t have that.  We were in the kitchen and this called for an Immediate Reward. I grabbed a wooden spoon and quickly walked her to our front living room so I could peek out the window to see if a car pulled up.  I told her to drop her pants and bend over the chair. I gave her quick and hard swats. She correctly stated why she was being punished, so I gave her the second set of 15 and that was that.

She was very squirmy on the second set and many times let out an “Ow!” She didn’t cry but was teary eyed. We did our aftercare and all was forgiven.   As has been our process with Kayla, I asked her how she felt about me spanking her. At first she gave the typical, “Fine.” I asked her to “elaborate.” If you read the prior post, when Kayla is asked to “elaborate” it means she has one more chance at expressing herself or will be spanked. Her response showed frustration as it was something like, “Okay, I feel okay with it. Like, of course you are going to spank me and yes I deserved it. So of course I am okay with it.”

I didn’t like her answer and told her to pull her pants back down. I gave her 25 by hand. She was now crying.  I held her for a bit and then asked her again how she felt about it.   She said her initial feeling was that it was unfair. But she didn’t want to say those words because she knows it was fair, but still couldn’t help feeling that it wasn’t. Her phone is fairly new and she had already broken one recently and didn’t want the grief of breaking another. She also felt that 30 with the spoon was too much and they were too hard, and then to get the 25 by hand on top of that. Add to that the embarrassment of getting spanked by me for the first time and how angry I looked and it was all too much.

Now, before the SRC (Submissive Rules Committee) imposes a fine for allowing a submissive to question a punishment, let me remind you SRC members that Kayla has special dispensation to do so. We encourage her to let out her feelings, unfiltered, unedited (except no cussing), and “in the moment” until such time it seems appropriate to do otherwise.

I thanked her for being open and honest and told her I was pleased that she opened up. I purposely didn’t try to address any specific issue such as her trying to justify the cussing due to concerns of the phone breaking, or for me to try to justify or apologize for how I spanked her.  Those are not the issue, and she knows it. It isn’t about trying to “score” her reasons on some rationalization table. It is simply about allowing her to vent, accepting her rant without judgement, and moving on.  In other words, validate her feelings, independent of whether the facts are valid.  

The release of emotions made her cry even more and I held her for some time until she calmed down. I reminded her how beautiful she was and how much we loved her and were happy to have her as part of the family. Surprisingly, she then asked me how I felt about being the spanker versus the spankee. In a joking tone I said, “Fine,” upon which she jokingly responded, “Elaborate.”

It felt good – better than I had anticipated. I both experienced it as Kayla and as Mike. I experienced it as Kayla in-so-much as when I see any spanking I relate to the spankee. I feel a bit of the sting and endorphin rush that they are feeling. I feel their submission and I identify with that submission.  In this case, I identified with Kayla but also with Mike. The sensation of the spoon on my hand, or my hand on her buttocks, was new. I’ve spanked Donna before but either in play or on behalf of John.  My feelings surprised me as going in my thought was I would simply feel as if I was the submissive, spanking her because Mike allowed it.  But no, in spanking Kayla I was not just doing as a Dom asked, I was the Dom.  In addition, I was not just anyone’s Dom, I was Kayla’s. That means a lot to me.   I jokingly said, “Is that sufficient elaboration.”   Kayla responded, “Yes, Ma’am, it is.”

All spanked out!
Wow, so okay, that was just one spanking story and I promised several.   Sorry to disappoint, but this post is getting long. I’ll share more in another post.

It’s hard for me to be succinct and just give the facts on the spanking. I feel compelled to give the reflection and reaction as well. As I said all the way back in Post 13, that’s just how I am. In keeping with my blog’s name, this is Domestic Discipline, administered and shared “Jenny Style.”   Enjoy!

NEXT: 103. Curious Cat

29. A girl has no name – a Submissive Frenzy

Your kinky ideas are needed.  Please read on.

As I watched the latest Game of Thrones episode I kept seeing examples of submission.  The faceless men of Braavos have basically submitted to whatever mysterious order they are a part of.  As part of Arya’s initiation into the order, she must lose herself, and thus, must lose her name.  That’s pretty deep submission.  Of course the upside is you get to shape shift and assume any identity you want so you can be a ruthless assassin, but hey, we all got our kinks.  (This comparison makes me a tad uncomfortable as Arya is only 15 or 16 years old, but hey now, let’s move on).

It also struck me that the sect called the Sparrows is very much about submission as well.   They marched Cersei naked through the streets as part of her submission and atonement.  Their goal is to strip a person of everything that is false so that only the truth remains.  Hey, even the High Sparrow has his kinks.

Lastly, it dawned on me that joining the Knights of the Watch is also an act of submission.  Those who “take the black” give up whatever life they previously had to live the rest of their life on the Wall.   Hey, even the Lord Commander has his kinks.

See a theme here?   I am seeing submission everywhere. 

I’VE GOT SUB FRENZY!
If you read my last post you’ll know I am struggling with where I want my submission to lead me.   I was fortunate to read a blog about Sub Frenzy and I immediately recognized that is what I am going through.  It’s reassuring to know that it is normal, but that recognition doesn’t lessen the hunger inside of me.

Idea #1:
Mike and I talked about attending some social events in our area that we found on Fetlife.com.  Our thinking is that being around like-minded people and having me be submissive in a more public environment may satisfy my hunger.  That, and there is that opportunity of perhaps finding others I can “perform” for.  I definitely need to do something to satisfy my hunger for submission.

Idea #2
Another thought Mike and I are tossing around is a “submission immersion day.”   We’d make it a one time event on a weekend when our son is at my parents and then see if it should recur each month.  The idea would be to have a really intense 24-hour period of submission.  We’ve thrown around different ideas of what that might look like, and even got some feedback from John and Donna.    I am open to any suggestions if you have any.  Please share!

To give you an idea of where our minds are, here are some ideas we’ve been kicking around.  I could be tied naked to our bed where I can’t move my arms or legs, I am blindfolded, and my ears are covered.  Perhaps earplugs and headphones playing white noise – just so I can’t hear what is going on around me.  Perhaps I am there for an hour or two and at any time Mike can come up and do whatever to me.  Spank, slap, pinch, insert, whatever.  And then he goes away and comes back again whenever.  The sensory deprivation along with the thought of not knowing what he’ll do or when already drives me crazy in a good way.   Other thoughts was that during our immersion day I would remain naked all day and if I come into a room that Mike was in I could only approach him on all fours and I can not speak at all to him until he gives me permission.

Any other ideas??  Please share?

Next: 30. I found my thrill. . .