Tag Archives: spanking

292. Kayla’s Triad Thursday Declaration

292

I’ve promised a return to sharing more kink.  Forget family time!  It’s time to appeal to more prurient interests.   Yeah, be honest, that is why you read a blog like this! 

Well, I guess I lied.  You’ll have to wait for one more post.  This one will be the set up for the sizzling and salacious, the depraved and degenerate, the indecent and impure, the. . . well, you get the picture.  It sets the stage for the “fun” stuff, in this case, a punishment.   Yeah, I am flipping the Jenny script and sharing the aftermath of a punishment, then I’ll share the details of the punishment on the next post.    

This isn’t even about a punishment I received, it is Kayla’s.  What?  “In three months of no posting you didn’t receive a single noteworthy spanking?”    Yep.  I mean, not that I wasn’t spanked, but nothing noteworthy.  Anything I share of the last two or three months would be indistinguishable from other posts about punishments.  I can’t motivate myself to write about something that is so derivative of prior posts.  So instead, I will write about Kayla.  What makes it noteworthy is that it marks an evolution in our relationship.   

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
Like most relationship changes, they come slowly and as part of a change in someone. 
The “initiator” recognizes a need for change before the other person does.  The initiator often stays silent for some time as they first try to understand and reconcile what that change means for themselves.   Even once they do, they sometimes are unsure how to articulate exactly what this change is.  Then there is some trigger, a tipping point, and they verbalize this change.  

In this case, the tipping point involved a punishment Mike gave Kayla.  I’ll share the details in the next post, but basically, it surprised me.  Not in its severity – it was not severe. It was just very different. 

I’ve learned to trust Mike and not question or worry about Kayla in regards to her discipline.  In fact, it was exactly a year ago that I learned that lesson well re Post 201. Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year.  That lesson was about learning to approach my concerns from a point of curiosity and of seeking clarity.   This was especially important when it came to issues dealing with Kayla and my concern that Mike remain on point with providing the discipline she wants and needs.  

TRIAD THURSDAY – KAYLA’S DECLARATION
We’ve started calling our Thursday Maintenance sessions “Triad Thursday” since, about eight months ago, we turned this into a family meeting of sorts with me, Mike, and Kayla all coming together for Maintenance.   As Kayla’s punishment in question happened on a Thursday, I felt it was a great opportunity to find clarity and resolve my concerns. 

Kayla’s reaction to my inquiry surprised me.   She said something like, 

“Jen, this is a great example of something that’s been bothering me but I haven’t been able to put my finger on.  I know you love me and are only looking out for me, but that’s the thing, I don’t need you to be looking out for me that way.   At least, not when it comes to the things Sir says or does to me.  Even though your questions are respectful, it still hurts me to have you question his disciplining of me.   If you want to know how I feel about a punishment I received, you can ask me.  Don’t bring it to a Maintenance.  This is not a Maintenance issue.”

Followed by. . . 

 “I want to be treated more like a wife to both of you than a “lesser third in a TriadI don’t want you as a mother, I want you as a friend, a partner, a confidant, a lover.”

Wow.   Yep. Those were her words.  She said it didn’t come out exactly how she intended, but, that yeah, the essence of it is all in there.  It’s hard to hear someone say that.  Your mind just hears, “I don’t want you.”  Thus, my defenses were triggered, but fortunately, my defensiveness didn’t last long.  I credit my years of training as a counselor and my generous and empathetic heart.  Yep, it had absolutely nothing to do with the stern look and word my initial response got from Mike. 

Brushing aside my bruised ego, what quickly ensued was a meaningful dialogue between the three of us.  I’ll spare the blow-by-blow, but it was positive, constructive, and loving.  The short version is this — Our relationship with Kayla is two years old, and Kayla is now 24.   While she was always mature beyond her years, she has grown a lot in those two years.  And ” a lot” is an understatement.   Her needs have changed.  Not as it relates to her submission, but as it relates to me.   

I had given up on being a disciplinarian to Kayla some time ago.  Part due to my own needs as a submissive and part due to her no longer desiring it.   And when she first moved in with us I was very much a “helicopter girlfriend” as I was very concerned for her well being.   And while I didn’t do this nearly as much, I still hovered over her needs in a motherly sort of way.   She was declaring her independence from my motherly type concerns for her.   Good for her!   And because I have been prone to sarcasm, I’ll state that there was no sarcasm in that statement.  Only pride, joy and love.  

SECOND WIFE?
We have been using the term “second wife” for a while in describing Mike’s relationship with Kayla.  Mostly in jest, but there is a tinge of seriousness to it, as there often is in humor.  But we had never once used that word to describe her relationship with me.   But she was right.  What has been evolving, and what her declaration just formalized, is that indeed, our relationship has crossed over to be more of that of “spousal peers.”   That was the term I came up with and she said, “Yeah, that’s it, that’s what I am trying to articulate.”     

It isn’t that she didn’t appreciate how she was treated before — she loved how we have treated her and credits it with her tremendous growth as a person.  It is simply that her needs have changed, and she is looking to be treated in a way that is consistent with her current needs.     

She is no longer that young woman who wants or needs my protection.  She is simply that young woman who wants and needs my love.  I should not go to Mike when I have a concern about Kayla that I have not yet shared with Kayla.  That is no different than how Kayla has treated me since the beginning.

While “wife” has legal connotations, it also has a lot of emotional ones.  And Kayla expressed she wanted the mantle of that title, not just between her and Mike, but between me and her. . . albeit an informal, non-legally binding title.   And for her it isn’t about any of the legal rights bestowed on that title. She is not interested in any of that.  She is interested in the standing it gives her in our family dynamic regarding how she is treated by me and by Mike.  It was easy to grant her this and both Mike and I committed to treating her this way from now one, whole-heartedly.   

There were no ill feelings from our conversation.  I truly lost my defensive feelings very quickly.  In addition, Mike reminded me how important it was for me to be so involved in her discipline and be overly sensitive to her needs in the early days of the relationship.  Even if I wasn’t administering discipline, I was often providing feedback to Mike, and not just because I would easily give it, but because he would frequently seek it.   While Kayla credits Mike for how wonderful of a Dom he is for her, Mike was quick to remind her that it came with a lot of insights from me.   

With a little reflection, any bruised ego or defensiveness I felt was quickly replaced with positive feelings.  Kayla’s “declaration” is part of the success of her growth that I have played a part in.  Far from feeling defensive, I feel admiration, love, pride, and joy – both to and from Kayla.  

Now, I know most of you pervs are saying, “Finally, you made your point.  Now, just tell us what the hell Kayla did and how she was summarily punished for it!”   Next post!

Post.  Love is not Pie

285. Curfew and Spanking the Jelly?

285

The party went very well and was a lot of fun.  I’ll post more about it but had already started writing this one and wanted to finish it up and get it posted. 

I’ve been having a few “WAID” thoughts lately regarding my Domestic Discipline.  Those thoughts of “What Am I Doing?”  I haven’t had those thoughts in quite a while.  I think the last time I posted about it was the last time I had these thoughts, and that was 18 months ago (Post 133. Intense Punishment).   

And just as I stated in Post 133, I believe occasional doubt is healthy.   I’ll simply restate much of what I wrote in that intro  —  Doubt is simply a lack of knowledge.   Often this is momentary, and the knowledge you need can often be found in a short, honest,  conversation with yourself.  Sometimes it may take a bit more than a moment of reflection, but typically not much more, at least for me. 

Any doubts I have ever had about Domestic Discipline have always ended up as being self-affirming.   Those doubts always lead me to a deeper appreciate for what submission has done for me and for my family.  WAID doesn’t last long, and once again, it didn’t last very long this time.  It was a little longer, maybe a day or two, but only because I have been so busy that I didn’t have the self-reflection time to really think things through. 

And like last time, it was some punishments that likely got me in the mood to reassess things.   I’ll share the two 

EMAIL PAST CURFEW
Typically I am to be in bed by 10:15, and have thirty minutes to write in my journal.  I am not to get on my phone or laptop.  I often fit in my “internet” time during the day, or maybe, if Mike allows it, in the evening after dinner and evening chores are done.  Occasionally when we have a long day and I ask, he lets me get on the computer late a night before going to sleep.   Point is, yeah, I’ve got rules around sleep hygiene and computer/phone time.

Well, one night I was done journaling, turned off my lamp, and double checked that I had my alarm set on my phone and turned off my lamp.  This is something I do all the time, but for some reason, I had this urge to look at my email.  Just a quick look. 

Well, I saw an email from someone and it begged for a response.  I mean, they didn’t beg for response – they would have been fine hearing from me the next day.  It was me!  I just had this urge to response.  I could have got up and asked Mike for permission, but that seemed like a lot of effort, he might say no, and I was tired.  I further justified it because it would be a very short response.  So I responded.

I knew I earned myself a spanking, and decided I would tell Mike in the morning and I went to sleep.  In the morning, I told Mike.

I was spanked – very hard.  The cane marks lasted for almost a week. Mike increased the punishment because I knew it was against the rules and had time to consider the consequences and still choose to check my email.

Of all my rules, this is one that is easy to dismiss as silly or childish.  I’ll grant you it seems silly or childish that an adult needs such rules, but, I need it.  It took making a commitment to myself and to Mike to get me to adhere to good sleep hygiene.  Pre-DD I often stayed up very late, long after Mike went to bed.  Watching tv, going online, or even cleaning.   Having home schooled J and being with him all day, then commiserating with Mike a bit after J went to sleep, it was finally my time to decompress. 

Getting good sleep is so underrated.  Pre-DD I was clearly sleep deprived for years, and it has a cumulative effect on health – mental and physical.   Getting good sleep is one of the best rules I have, and it is simple – despite the occasional temptations to violate the rule.

SPANKING THE JELLY
I found
this video.  In fact, there are several videos of people spanking jelly?  People can be so weird!   I am talking about something normal. . .about being spanked over a jar of jelly,

I went to make Mike some toast with jelly, a normal part of his breakfast, and there was only a small amount of jelly left, not enough for a serving.   There isn’t a specific rule about keeping the house supplied with certain foods or condiments, but it is understood as an expectation of Mike’s.  I am required to be “optimized” in my household duties and running out of something that Mike like is clearly not optimal. 

I was spanked.   A combination of a good hand spanking and his belt.   It wasn’t particularly hard, but came while my butt was still smarting from the caning from the curfew spanking. 

REFLECTION
I believe there were a couple of things that prompted my WAID thoughts. 

One was the “minor” nature of these spankings.   I can’t think of the right word.  “Minor” is relative.  All violations of my Duties and Obligations are big deals, and all are important to adhere to.  I don’t have any trivial rules as far as I am concerned.  Having said that, there are some rules that are simple to adhere to, and thus, could be called “minor” rules.  These are both “no-brainer” rules  that are easy to adhere to, and I failed to do so.

Two, is that I had been reflecting on the last year.  Our one-year anniversary of our latest contract was on October 17.  This year went by so fast!  And since we only made it for 18 months, I can’t believe that in six months we will be talking about possible revisions.  So my mind already started thinking about what I might want to change.  Thus, I was already in a mindset of asking myself what I really wanted going forward.  I think this predisposed me to switch that mindset to “What am I doing?” at the first opportunity. 

These spankings provided that opportunity. 

And once again, that reflection led me to the conclusion that what I am doing is exactly what I need to be doing.  It is the right thing for me and for my family.   And as for possible changes in March, at this point, I can only think of one.  I might want to codify something in our “sex clause” regarding future cuck activities.  Keep in mind I always have the right to say no.  The purpose of codifying things is to better set expectations between me and Mike.   Other than that, I can’t think of anything else I’d consider changing.  Not even the consequences of getting spanked over curfew rules or jelly!  

I love my Domestic Discipline.  I love being submissive to Mike.  I love all aspects of our life and all the relationships we have. 

NEXT: 286. We are not okay, but we will be

275. Active Submission vs. Passive Submission

275

So this writing funk I mentioned two posts back. . . yeah, it started about mid-July and for about a month I couldn’t quite place what it was.  I just didn’t feel an energy to get on my computer for any reason.  It wasn’t just my blog and my “private” me (the one that blogs and corresponds with a handful of “email buddies” met via this blog).  But even the “public” me – the one with Facebook, surfing YouTube, and chatting with IRL friends, as well the one who surfs various news, Twitter, etc.   I had this need to just stay away from it all.   Part of it was PTSD – President Trump Stress Disorder, but that was only a part of it.  

ACTIVE SUBMISSIVE MINDSET 
My submissive mindset has always been very “active.”  Three-plus years of actively pursuing the “right” level of submission.  Actively looking for validation – little mental markers or milestones as evidence that I was on the right path.  Activity looking for feedback from Mike to make sure we stayed calibrated in understanding each other’s needs.   Actively needing to reconcile the “threat” submission has to my upbringing and society norms.   

It also included actively guiding Kayla on her journey.  I worry about her and want to make sure she is being fulfilled, both in her relationship with me and with Mike, as well as feeling good about herself.   

All this “active” efforts kept me focused on my submissive journey, a journey that has been fulfilling beyond all expectations.  And these efforts compelled me to want to share my journey and  project my joy on to others via my writing.

PASSIVE SUBMISSIVE MINDSET
Well, lately I’ve felt more of a passive mindset.  As I stated in that prior post, I feel we have found the right level of domestic discipline, or D/s dynamic that works best for us.  I no longer have a need for validation every step of the way, for I am here, no more steps, and my validation is that I am happier and more secure as a wife, mom, and person than I have ever been. 

Additionally, Mike and I have basically “institutionalized” our calibration process.  That is, we don’t have to think about it.  It just happens.  The Maintenance Sessions and continued open and honest communication is a reflex that doesn’t require effort.  It just happens!    

I don’t feel submission is a threat to my upbringing or social norms.  Better yet, I don’t feel my submission threatens my upbringing.  I was taught to pursue my passion and love life, every moment, every dayWhile I am sure my mom didn’t think my passion would include submission, the great thing about how I was raised is that I was left to define my own passion.  Further, being open to my friends and family about my submission and not being rejected for it has further reconciled any “threats” I once felt  ( far from rejected, it has led to others opening up about their own “kinks” or “unique” relationship dynamics).   

Lastly, Kayla has grown tremendously.  The once awkward and sullen wallflower now exudes a confident, shining personality and inner beauty.  She had just turned 22 when she moved in with us, and will be 24 in a few months.  A great age for a lot of personal growth and maturity, with or without my influences.  I don’t see her as that little girl in need of protection.  I see her as a young woman who can hold her own and who knows who she is, what she wants, and how to get it.

The result is my submissive mindset is now a bit more passive.  Don’t mistake that for docile or disinterested.  It connotes a level of acceptance that is void of resistance or effort.   It just is!

WHAT PASSIVE SUBMISSION IS LIKE
I still can’t fully describe it, but perhaps I can describe what it isn’t.   There isn’t this yearning, this ache for something that seems just beyond my grasps.   It is comfortable, it is automatic, it is a reflex.  And yes, it is still just as fulfilling as the “active” submission.

I was already feeling it a few weeks prior to Immersion.  It struck me during a spanking (hee hee, a little spanking humor).   Simply, I wasn’t feeling like a spanking.  I mean, it isn’t like I typically look forward to one, but, they always have the effect of feeding my submissive mindset.  In this case, I wasn’t feeling like it served that purpose.   It was simply a consequence of my actions, and not a part of making me feel submissive.  

That sounds subtle, but that was huge for me.    I still can’t quite articulate what the difference is.  I can only repeat it in various forms —  I fully accepted the spanking as a consequence of my actions, not as a result of my submission.   I was being punished because I earned the punishment, not because I was submissive.  That all just feels soooo different to me.  I felt equally fulfilled, but just different.  Again, I can’t explain it (which means my next post will probably be an attempt to do so!)  

THE EPIPHANY CANING 
We had just dropped J off at my parents and returned home.  It was Maintenance Sunday and our plan was to have a normal evening and start our Immersion in the morning.   Mike gave a Maintenance spanking using the cane. 

He struck me about six or seven times, a couple more than normal for a Maintenance, and a bit harder than usual.  Then he said he wasn’t satisfied with the results and he repeated the six or seven strikes, a bit harder than the first set.   I had to grit my teeth and squirmed a bit as they were starting to really hurt.  He inspected my ass and again said “not good enough, one more set.”  And he repeated the strikes, even a bit harder than the previous set.   

By this point it was really hurting and my increased whimpering turned into tears. I didn’t know why he was giving such an aggressive Maintenance.  Then he said he still wasn’t satisfied and there needed to be a few more really hard ones.  My thought, which I kept to myself was, “like those last ones weren’t hard enough?”   I got three more and really started to cry.   He then said that was enough.

I don’t know what came over me, but, I asked him if he would repeat the Maintenance.  Not just the last strokes, but all of them.  That meant another 20-25.  I’ve never had so many with the cane.   Mike asked me if I wanted to talk about it.  I told him, “Not now, can you just do it?”

Mike complied.  I ended up a crying, sobbing mess.  I hadn’t cried that hard in a very long time.  It was a pretty monumental cry.   And my butt looked as you would expect.  Very striped and very red and soon purple. 

What was that about??   Next post.

Next:  276.  My submission becomes His Dominance

273. Immersion 2018

273

You may want to review Immersion 2016 and these three posts on Immersion 2017 (Post 141, Post 145 and Post 151).  This year included some of what we’ve done before and some very extended play (torture) sessions.  And once again for a few days of our Immersion we stayed at the same get-away in the woods as we did last year.   

We named last year’s Immersion “The Forbidden Zone,” and want to have a tradition of naming them as a way to remember them.   Last year we explored some M/s type dynamics and various other kinks that seemed “forbidden” to us previously.  Mike said we would have to just refer to this year’s event as Immersion 2018 – for now.  He has a surprise that will become the nickname, and telling us what it is might ruin the surprise.  So for now, “Immersion 2018” it is.

Oh, and I was using the term “torture” facetiously.  It wasn’t torturing, but it was very physically demanding.  Think full body flog with lots of spanking and whipping – butt, breasts, thighs, palms, feet, you name it.  Then there were extended times of sensory deprivation. Oh yeah, and add in clothespins, and more clothespins, and then some more clothespins, and you will start to get the picture. 

To sum it up in one word – delightful!    Yes, I enjoyed it, as did Kayla and Mike.  And we had some “guest appearances”  that included John and Donna, Matt, and a mystery couple!

MYSTERY COUPLE?
Mike told me and Kayla he had a surprise in store for us.  I never imagined it would involve another person, let alone a couple.  Through John and via FetLife, Mike had met this couple and felt they were perfect for us to explore some new kink territory.

We never got their names.  We referred to him as “Mister,” and her as “Nurse Ann.”  Not having their names added a bit of mystique and additional naughtiness, not that we needed more to make it feel naughty.  

Upon introduction, my first reaction to Mister was, “Wow!”  The first thing I noticed was that he was very muscular – as in, his muscles have muscles.   And once his shirt was off (later), it was no surprise that his abs weren’t a six pack, but an eight pack.    And it wasn’t just the muscles that were striking.  He was handsome and had the perfect “come hither eyes and stare.  And it turned out he was extremely personable and outgoing.   Our guess is that he is in his early 40’s.  Oh, and he is African American.  

Then there was his wife, Nurse Ann.  She is tall, matching Mister at six feet.   She has this Nordic look to her, brunette with milky white skin.  The contrast in skin tone between Mister and Nurse Ann added to their individual beauty.   She isn’t muscular but is fit, and our guess is that she is in her late 30’s.  She didn’t talk much, and when she did, it was always a short, monotoned response.

We were told up front she would not speak much and that Mister would answer most questions.  My initial thoughts that the two of them would be part of some eight-person orgy were quickly laid to rest (me, Mike, Kayla, John, Donna, Matt, Mister, Nurse Ann).  Mister explained the ground rules were that sex would not include Nurse Ann, as she had a specific role to play.  More on her later. 

KAYLA’S DESIRES
I shared before that Kayla has always had this “gang bang” desire where she could have sex with four guys at once.   Yes, we all call it that as that is how Kayla has always referred to it.   While the word is harsh, it is accurate and she wants to own that word (hum…sounds a bit like me and the word
whore, but I digress).

Kayla first shared this desire with us well over a year ago.  Both Mike and I were very cautious about fulfilling her stated desire.  Until now Mike has passed on opportunities to make this happen for Kayla.   Our concerns were that perhaps she had unrealistic expectations about it.    The actual feelings it may evoke could be something very different from the “fantasy” feelings of a loss of control or being treated as a sex object.  

While Mike didn’t consult with me prior to Immersion, we have had talks about Kayla’s growth in general and specifically about her sexual confidence and maturity.   I should dedicate a post to “Tips for Increasing Sexual Confidence.”  As I look back, there are many specific things Kayla did or experienced that helped her with this.  It would be interesting to catalog those things.   Whatever her steps were, Mike felt the time was right to allow Kayla to fulfill this desire.

She was able to fulfill that fantasy with Mike, John, Matt, and Mister.   And if you need a visual, well, as per her fantasy, at one point she had a dick in her pussy and butt, while alternating sucking on two others.  Then, while she was in a missionary position, they each took turns with her until they came.  If orgasms are a good proxy, then she had a fantastic time as evidenced by her three orgasms during it all.

MINI ORGY
By the way, I didn’t have all four men at once.  What do you think I am, a whore?  lol.  No, it just has never been a desire of mine, nor Mike’s – not that I would have been opposed to it if Mike wanted it.  I did have sex with Mister during our mini-orgy.  Is there some official number for when a “mini-orgy” becomes an actual orgy?

During the sex, we (minus Nurse Ann), would sort of rotate in different pairings or threesomes and such.  At any given time I found myself with a dick or pussy in my mouth, or a dick in one orifice or another, or someone’s tongue in my pussy or mouth.  It was delightfully decadent!

And while Nurse Ann was off limits sex-wise, she did get naked and masturbate as she watched.  Was there some other purpose to her being there?   More on that later.

OTHER IMMERSION ACTIVITIES
Mister and Ann were only there one full day, spent the night, and left early the next morning.   John, Donna, and Matt were there for all or part of about three days.   On the days it was just me, Mike, and Kayla, one day included me playing “pet,” just like last year.  I could only walk on all fours, eat out of a bowl, and use a make-shift litter box.   And there was Kayla’s DDlg/ABDL day, which she loved. 

Kayla doesn’t want to do the DDlg full time but since the end of Immersion she has expressed she wants to do this more than just one day a year.   That’s difficult with J in the house, but Mike will look for opportunities.  Also, this year the DDlg had an additional authentic element to it.  More on that later. 

The rental home is in a heavily wooded area and you can’t really see any other houses except for a few spots on the property and even then, it would take binoculars to see anything.  We all were always naked, inside or outside the house.  This didn’t feel as unique or naughty as it did last year. Since adopted naturism, naked is now our default and natural feeling state.

At the rental, Mike also made a temporary open-air out-house that Kayla and I had to use.  In case you are wondering wtf this has to do with anything, the idea behind this is the vulnerability of using the bathroom out in the open and blurring the line between humble and humiliate.

During Immersion we have a “zero tolerance” rule on non-submissive behaviors.  Mike is already strict (we like it that way), but the difference is that during Immersion Mike is looking for the slightest infraction.   And when he finds one, what may warrant a verbal reminder outside Immersion earns us a spanking during Immersion.   The lectures we get are also amped up and denigrating.

Last year we had a rule we could not speak to him unless we were physically touching him – not sexually, but a simple hand on his arm or where ever.  This year he modified this.  We could not speak to him unless we held his hand.  There were some exceptions that Mike would grant, but not many.  There were many spankings for not following this rule as it was very difficult to remember; however, it was a very enjoyable rule.  Such a simple thing, and something we should all do more often.  Touch one another that is, not the spanking part – unless that happens to be your thing too, hee-hee. 

REFLECTION?
I will post separately about my reflections on Immersion 2018.   As I wrote in my prior post, it made me realize that in many significant ways I have arrived at the destination my blogging was driving me towards.    But before I can reflect on Immersion 2018,  I guess I should tell you about the role Nurse Ann had in our event.  Next post!  

Next: 274. Got Milk(ing)? Immersion 2018

268. When the Dom is Gone, the subs Get it On . . . . . . and a spanking

Mike was out-of-town last weekend and he invited Matt to stay at our house.  It was odd having Matt sleep in our bed.  The first night the three of us (me, Matt, Kayla) slept together.  It had been awhile since we had done this as Matt said some time ago that he only wanted to sleep with me going forward.   He was open to changing that up for special occasions.  Oh the sacrifice!  hee hee

Mike gave us two specific requirements while he was gone – 

  1. WAAA rules in effect.  Back in October we added some rules we call “When we Are Apart Activities.” “Waaa!!!!”  Cute, huh?  When Mike is traveling we will face-time just before going to bed.  I am naked, administer a self spanking, and am ready for any other instructions he may give.  The call ends with me saying my evening mantra and I am not to speak any more that night.
  2. Sex.  We were to accommodate any of Matt’s desires that were within our limits.  

Matt knows I am disciplined – but he has never witnessed it.  I asked Mike to not punish me in front of Matt.  It’s difficult to explain – it’s like my relationship with Matt is not at all about discipline and I don’t want him to be a part of/witness to it.  That part of me is part of my relationship with Mike, not Matt.  My relationship with Matt is about sex and companionship (and more sex), not discipline.  When I asked Mike not to punish me in front of Matt, his answer was, “then don’t give me reason to.”   While not the answer I sought, to be honest, his answer really tickles my submissive-spot. 

MIKE’S EXPECTATIONS
I asked Mike for his WAAA expectations regarding Matt’s presence.  Btw, the DD
Assembly on Submissive Tactics and Measures (known as the AssTM committee) gave me a special commendation for this.  As the Submissive Handbook states, “It is acceptable for submissives to make a request of their Dom to clarify intent; however, it is more thoughtful and submissive of the sub to, prior to making their own request, first ask their Dom if the Dom has any specific expectations of their submissive.”  Okay, where were we?  oh yeah…  

Mike expected to have our WAAA session but with a few modifications.  I could do it in the bathroom with the door closed but was not to make Matt leave the bedroom.  It was up to me if I wanted to explain anything to Matt.  I was also allowed to speak after our WAAA but I must text Mike with the mantra before I went to sleep and that I could not talk once I sent the text. As for the morning WAAA, I was not to speak to Matt or anyone until it was completed.  (We do have some exceptions for talking to J if J wakes up before I do).

EVENING WAAA!
It was easier to explain the WAAA to Matt instead of trying to hide it.  I told him I would be in the bathroom for the session.  Matt was sweet. He sensed I was uneasy and offered to wait in the living room until it was over.  Technically I think I could have taken him up on the offer, but I felt it wasn’t in the spirit of what Mike intended.  Mike’s statement implied he didn’t want me to inconvenience Matt in any way.  Plus, I just earned that nice commendation by ASSTM and didn’t want to risk recission… hee-hee.  I told Matt he was welcomed to stay in the bedroom.  

It was about ten or so and Matt, Kayla, and I had already had sex.  As Matt and I laid in the bed watching tv, Kayla had her WAAA session with Mike.  I paid attention to the sounds coming from the bathroom.  You couldn’t make out what was being said, but the self-spanking sounds were distinctive.  Oh well, that’s the way it had to be.  It felt a little awkward when Kayla emerged from the bedroom.  I struggled for something to say and said something like, “Come and keep the bed warm as it’s my turn now.”   

I face-timed with Mike and he had me put on nipple clamps as we talked.  I then had to insert a butt plug after I administered my self spankings.  We then continued to talk.  When we were done, I recited the mantra and we ended our call.  I removed the accouterments, washed up, and returned to the bedroom where Kayla was giving Matt a blow job.  It made for a better transition than what Kayla had.  I said something like, “Oh, goody!” and I eagerly joined in the fun!

It was probably about 1:30 before I texted Mike with the mantra.  Yeah, it was about three hours of sex!  (Mike let us stay up past our bedtime – how nice!)  It wasn’t non-stop, we all had to catch our breath here and there – but it was intense.  More on that in a bit.

MORNING WAA!
I told Matt, “Good morning.”  It quickly dawned on me I messed up.  Crap!

I didn’t say anything else and I went to the bathroom and called Mike.  I recited the mantra before saying anything else.  I confessed my screw up and Mike told me to go get Kayla.  I did so (and she recited her morning Mantra to him), and he told Kayla to spank me for my speaking to Matt before saying my mantra.  In keeping with the typical discipline I receive when it has to do with something I say, I was fully expecting our “traditional” mouth soaping.  Thankfully, Mike didn’t order it as he was satisifed with just the spanking.

It has been a long time since Kayla has spanked me as part of a real discipline session  (Post 251 was more fun than discipline).  Despite this, I had no odd feelings about it.  I guess it is because it was practical for Mike to administer it.  Also, I can close my eyes and it still feels as if Mike is doing it.  I can still feel submissive when Kayla spanks me – but it is much harder to do so when I have to spank Kayla.  Anyway – yeah, I got a pretty hard spanking, enough that I know my butt was very red.

It was another one of those conflicted feelings.  I  really didn’t like Matt seeing my spanked butt – but – having him see it was like this proclamation of my submission to Mike, which I really loved.  Matt didn’t comment and didn’t seem to go out of his way to get a good look, but I know he saw it.

BTW, while my dress code is no pants – dresses and skirts – if J is home and we have to cover due to a spanking, Mike allows us to wear shorts around the house (stay topless). J wasn’t home as he spent the weekend at T1’s and E’s (which was a very big deal and milestone for him).  Anyway, it kept us from having to play cloak and daggar regarding the condition our butts or the sleep-over guest.  

SEX
What of our sex?  Inquirying minds want to know.  Well, it was all the one-on-one and threesome combo’s that you can probably imagine.  We told Matt we were there to serve his fantasies.  We even had to break out a few of the toys!  It was a lot of fun for all of us.  Let your imagination run wild!

NEXT: 269. Turn up the cuck – Whoring me out?

266. Domestic Discipline Throwback: A Spanking two-fer

266

It’s been about two months since I shared a spanking story  Not because I haven’t been spanked over that time, but there haven’t been many, and none that notable or different from other spankings I get. Our recent refocusing changed that.   So here are TWO spanking stories for you.

WE INTERRUPT THIS SPANKING STORY
Before I get into that, just a quick note on my blogging.  I am behind on sharing stuff and sometimes when I get behind, I just skip over things and blog about more recent stuff, forever skipping the stuff I was behind on.  I’ve been trying not to do that.  I found I start to forget whether or not I shared certain experiences.  I’ll start to reference something and then be like, “did I ever actually share that in the first place?”  I then go back looking for it and sometimes I find that I did, and sometimes I find that did not.

Anyway, I don’t want to have to do that so am trying to just cover all the things I feel are worth sharing.  I am about a week behind on stuff.   For instance, this weekend Mike is on a business trip, and Matt is spending the weekend with me at my house.  But I don’t want to blog about that until I get you caught up on a few other things.

ZERO TOLERANCE
When Mike and I discussed our drifting from our normal D/s routine, he acknowledged he had been giving me more and more warnings over actual punishments.  The result of our conversation was that he was adopting a “zero tolerance” regarding any failures in my Duties and Obligations.   He doesn’t intend to stay at “zero tolerance,” but, Mike felt it would be easier to adopt a “no warnings” mindset to get us out of our “drift.”   It didn’t take long before it was clear to me that indeed, there would be no warnings, regardless how minor the indiscretion.

Also, for some context, Kayla and I have a 10:30 p.m. bedtime and we often go to bed before Mike.  Sometimes he might send one of us to bed and one of us gets to stay up later with him, or sometimes we both get to stay up late or neither of us do.  By the way, if we do go to sleep before him, he may wake us for sex when he does come to bed.   Oh, and of course, we sleep naked.   Okay, enough of our bedtime routine.

Oh – a bit more context –  Kayla and I have a many household chores we must do.  We typically “divide and conquer” where we will split up the work.

I had just fallen asleep and was awaken to the covers being pulled off me and one hard smack to my butt.  Then I hear Mike, “Get up Jen, someone is getting a spanking.”   I managed a groggy “Yes, Sir,” unsure exactly why but alert enough to know not to delay in obeying him.

I stood up and then he asked, “Who swept the floors after dinner, you or Kayla?”   

I know I didn’t forget to sweep the floors, so what was this about?   In my half-awake state I was fortunate to still know enough to answer him clearly, without it sounding like a question.  “It was me, Sir.”

“Both of you need to make sure all the cleaning is done after dinner.  If something is missed, both of you will be punished, and to make that point clear, Kayla, you need to get out of bed and get over here.”

Kayla got up.  Mike directed me to bend over and put my hands on the bed.  He directed Kayla to come over next to him, such that Mike was to one side of me and Kayla the other.   “Kayla, you are going to watch this so that you remember that both of you need to share in the cleaning duties and both of you will share in the consequences.”

It’s been awhile since Kayla watched me get a good discipline spanking.  I don’t mind it, it’s just that it has been awhile so it felt it a bit different.  Mike already had a paddle in his hand.  He gave me a dozen or so warm ups by hand, and then came the paddle.  Ten, then another ten a bit harder, then another ten harder than the last.

In a matter of moments I went from that surreal place between sleep and wake, to the adrenaline rush of having my ass lit up.   Mike told me to get up and then told Kayla to take my place.   Mike then spanked her as he did me.

He then instructed Kayla to stand in the corner until we returned.  He then brought me out to the kitchen and showed me that I indeed did clean the floor, but, I left the dustpan out.  I had put it down on a chair and forgot it.   Wow, Mike was serious about this zero tolerance.  I put it away and we walked back to the bedroom.  He called Kayla over and we hugged and did our Closing Ceremony.  “All is forgiven.”

Normally Mike and I don’t mix sex with discipline – meaning we don’t have sex at the conclusion of a discipline session  (Mike and Kayla often do though).  But, that night I was thankful that we all ended up having sex.  I needed the relaxation of an orgasm to help get back to sleep.  Spankings can be such an adrenaline rush. 

SPANKING #2 – REMINDER SPANKINGS
I get a quick spanking anytime I leave the house – as a reminder to remain submissive in my thinking even when not home.  I was running a little late for a lunch date with a friend.  I wasn’t going to be late if I left promptly.   I went to Mike and asked for my reminder spanking.  He said he would be there in a minute.

Mike came to the room a few minutes later – much longer than I was anticipating.  I knew better than to complain or rush him, but my attitude was clearly that of, “Come on, Mike, get on with it, I’ve got to get going.”   Mike asked me, “What’s the rush?”

That was my out.  I could have recognized I was putting off an “annoyed” vibe and apologized for it.  Instead, I complained.  “I don’t want to be late, and this doesn’t have to take so long.”

Mike said, “It takes as long as I want it to take.  This spanking is going to be double.  One set as your reminder for when you are out of the house.  The other set for your reminder that when it is time for a reminder spanking, you won’t be annoyed or try to rush me.”

He took me into our bathroom as J was home and it is furthest away from the rest of the home such that noise shouldn’t be an issue.  I was already dressed to go.  I expected Mike to just have me remove my panties and bend over, as that is usual for a reminder.  But instead, he told me to completely disrobe.

Once naked, he then had me open my mouth.  He took a bar of soap, ran some water over it, and told me to stick out my tongue.  Yes, a mouth soaping.  After lathering up my tongue, I had to hold the soap bar in my mouth.  Mike then had me bend over and he gave me several warm ups, then 10 very hard ones with a thin paddle, 5 on each cheek.  Then 10 very hard ones with a wider paddle, again, 5 on each cheek.  Not satisfied with the result, he then gave me three more on each cheek, full force.  He inspected my ass, and then gave me one on each cheek, again full force.

This was not just a reminder spanking, it was a disciplinary punishment, no doubt about it.  And with all mouth soapings, when it was done, I got on my knees and Mike peed into my mouth.  I stood and swished and spit into the sink, then got back on my knees and repeated until Mike did not have to go any more.  I was then allowed to rinse with some water.   Mike hugged me, “All is forgiven.”

I got dressed.  “By the way, Jen, I don’t want you to wear panties on your lunch date.”

I removed my panties, and with one additional instruction, that I will share later, I happily left for my lunch date with my friend, albeit a bit late.    What was that instruction and who was I having lunch with?   Next post!

NEXT:  Free to Be: Seeking Domestic Discipline

265. Joy without submission?

205

The post before last I posed a question about why Mike was more in tuned than I was regarding our little bit of “drifting” from our regular DD routines.   I ask it because I find it curious.  I am not troubled by it.  In fact, I think the fact Mike noticed it before me is a milestone in our DD.  Up until then, I was the one either asking for more discipline or lamenting over something feeling “off.”   It’s great that Mike noticed it and was willing to say something – albeit a bit vaguely.

It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a philosophical self-analyzing trip into my DD journey.  So now is a good time to do that.   

THEN WHY SO JOYFUL?
It was odd that Mike noticed it first, but it was more odd that I wasn’t anywhere near sensing it.  My level of fulfillment and joy over the last several months has been sky high!  Does that mean I would prefer a softening of our DD and that I am not getting as much joy from it as I once was?  

Oh, and before I answer that.  I would not be bothered by either a yes or no answer.  Certainly, a “yes” would pose a challenge in that we would have to work to reconcile the different needs, but I am confident we could do so if needed.  It isn’t realistic to assume needs will never change, and we are committed to finding equitable solutions to any differences we face, kink or otherwise.   

HOWEVER, my needs haven’t changed, nor has Mike’s.  So, YES, I still want the level of D/s we attained before we drifted a bit.  Perhaps I am not yearning as much for it, but I not only enjoy it, I know I need it – emotionally and as part of being the wife, mother, and person that I want to be.   It is actually a good thing that I can find contentment in other aspects of my life.  It isn’t either I have D/s or I shrivel up and die.

Fulfillment has many facets, and being submissive is an important one, but not the only one.  I am sure there are times where I need to be more in my submissive headspace than other times.  Just like there may be times Mike needs to feel his dominance more than other times.  So why wasn’t I needing it as much lately?  Where has my fulfillment been coming from?

There are many joys in my life that transcend submission.

FAMILY!
I won’t re-hash all the great developments with my kids, but suffice to say, it is hard to not feel fulfilled when your kids appear to be happy.   Okay, I won’t re-hash them in detail, but here’s a summary as I can’t resist showing some pride in my kids! 

T1 bought a house, and is getting married to a great woman who I adore.  T2 graduating college, finding a great job, and growing into full adulthood.  J, who has exceeded all the expectations we had for him just a few years ago.  His growth and development despite his disability has been amazing.   

And then there is Kayla – I love her and she loves me.  I am so happy for her and all she adds to my marriage and my family.  And most importantly, she is happy.   Being out in the open about her has also been a great emotional booster for all of us.  

And there’s more – extended family!  A great relationship with my sisters, with whom I can be open and honest in sharing my life choices.  And re Kayla – my parents, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles — while not everyone is as accepting as I would like, it is still liberating to be open with it.   And their (well, some of them) willingness to give naturism a try further shows their openness and acceptance of my family.

FRIENDSHIPS AND FINANCES
And even more…
friendships!   A close friendship with John and Donna, our “unique” relationship with Matt, and a great group of pals in my “lunch bunch” friends.  I also think the relationship with Matt has been invigorating.  We are over the “honeymoon” phase of it so it has lost a bit of its mystique, but, I know I got an emotional boost from it all.  I still do, just not what it was when it was all new. 

And beyond the emotional fulfillment, Mike’s work has been going well, so finances haven’t been an area of stress.  And with T2 done with college — the finances look even better.  We can finally start ramping up funding our retirement and making sure J can be supported for his lifetime.

NUDISM
I have to give nudism some credit as well.  It really has had an amazing positive psychological impact on me and my family.  It has boosted everyone’s self-confidence, not that it was particularly lacking.  It also tightens the already strong emotional bond we share.   Can’t explain it – it just does.    Perhaps adopting nudism is the ultimate in “vulnerability.”  And if you read my countless posts about vulnerability, you’ll know all the positive results that come with allowing yourself to be vulnerable.   

SUBMISSION
And it isn’t like we took a hiatus from our DD.  I have remained very submissive throughout my daily activities and have had the occasional punishment.    Our “drift” was very subtle.  So my need for submission was still being fed, just perhaps a little bit smaller helpings.  

ITS NOT ALL ABOUT MY DD
Yes, I admit it.  Not every ounce of my joy and fulfillment comes from feeding my submissive mindset.  That’s a good thing.  My identity as a submissive defines my relationship with my husband, a relationship that is the largest contributor to my fulfillment – but not the only contributor.

I think sometimes when joy is lacking in one facet of life, you subconsciously try to make up for it somewhere else.  Perhaps that is why I sort of took my eye off of my DD.  I didn’t notice we had backed off a little because I am getting so much fulfillment elsewhere.  My submissive-mindset-fulfillment-meter could actually dip a bit and I didn’t notice it.  That’s okay.  Our needs are not a constant.

And to Mike’s credit, it isn’t like he wasn’t feeling fulfilled by our kids and aspects of life beyond just the two of us.  He recognized he also feels great about all of those things I have mentioned.  I think the difference is every day he was being the Dom that Kayla needed, giving him a point of reference for our D/s.  That vantage point allowed him to sense the widening gap between the fulfillment he was getting as her Dom versus the fulfillment he was getting as mine.  So he said something – and I am glad he did.

The result was the tweaks and refocusing that I shared on one of my previous posts.  You do know what that means, don’t you?  More opportunities to be disciplined.   And that is not just theoretical, but a fact.  Yes, there has been an increase in discipline. Hmm…maybe there is a spanking story coming up?

Next: 266. Domestic Discipline Throwback: A Spanking two-fer

263. Returning to Dominant Headspace: He wants me to do what?

263

As per my prior post Mike told me that he would like to be more Dominant.  Ah!  A time to rejoice!  I have thrived in being submissive and have typically had to “pull the Dominant out of him.”  So, Yes!  He is finally expressing he wants more!  Yes, yes, yes! 

NO!
As I stated before.  I feel we have achieved the right balance of D/s that works for me.  From my perspective, there is equity in our D/s.   But, equity is about the relationship as a whole, not just any one person. Mike feels he needs more of something (my submission), and I don’t – there is a lack of equity. 

THE DOM CARD
Mike just says it, therefore it must be.  I am his submissive, yes?  True, if Mike asks me to do “x,” I almost certainly will comply.  BUT — our Agreement doesn’t actually say that he can just decree things and make them so.   It kind of goes like this . . .

IF IT PLEASES THE COURT 
JEN:  Your honor, in our Agreement, Mike commits to always treating me in the manner that I want to be treated.  While I commit to surrendering myself to him, no where does our agreement define that surrender to mean doing everything he demands.  Further, while I have to be, and want to be, Obedient, we do not define Obedience as doing anything he asks, except specifically in the Sexual Obedience clause.  In-so-much Mike is not asking for more Sexual Obedience, I therefore am not obligated to simply agree with greater levels of submission.   

MIKE:  Your honor,  our Agreement states that “Jennifer shall fully accept any and all Discipline,”  Any new rules, act of service, or restriction I place on Jennifer is all part of her code of conduct, call it, a “code of behavior.”  Codes of behavior are collectively referred to as Discipline.  She must accept any and all codes of behavior, aka Discipline, that I prescribe.  Further, the Agreement calls for her to do so “promptly and without hesitation.”  Frankly, your honor, I don’t know why we are even here.  I rest my case.     

JEN:  I object, your honor.  That statement is incomplete.  The full statement is “Jennifer shall fully accept any and all Discipline as a consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience.   In our agreement, Discipline is not a code of behavior.  Discipline is clearly defined as a “consequence.”  And further, not following a rule, not performing an act of service, or not adhering to a restriction that is explicitly spelled out in the Agreement are all precursors to a consequence.  In other words, a precursor to Discipline.  The rule, the act of service, or the restriction does NOT, by itself, constitute “discipline” in our Agreement.  It is clear our Agreement defines Discipline as a consequence, nothing more.

And yes, Promptness is a part of our Obedience clause.  In it, I agree that I must do what Mike tells me without hesitation.  However, your honor, this wording clearly is in reference to a specific instruction that requires immediate action.  As such, this clause can not apply to any requirement or new set of expectations for which I am unable to immediately act on.   If Mike tells me to do “x,” I must promptly do it.  If Mike tells me from now on I must do “x” every day, the fact that I can not promptly fulfill that requirement means promptness is not possible.  If it is not possible, then the Promptness clause can not be applied.   

Therefore, any new rules, acts of service, or restrictions he wishes to place on me do not constitute Discipline under our agreement, and are not subject to the Promptness clause. Nowhere am I required to do things that are not part of my Duties and Obligations.  The only way to add new rules, acts of service, or restrictions is to modify said Duties and Obligations, which can be done either at Renegotiation, or as agreed upon by BOTH parties.  Our Agreement is clear.  Mike can not unilaterally add a new rule, act of service, or restriction without my consent.        

THE JUDGES:   Unlike last time, this time we had to call upon ASSO, which we all know as the Domestic Discipline Assembly on Obedience, committee chair Anita Hardick presiding. (Yes, women are represented in the DDA).

The committee voted 5-2 in my favor.  However, it was in their opinion that my snarkiness and attempts to be cute in my calling upon ASSO to arbitrate displayed an overall tone that was contrary to Section 1.1 of my Obedience clause.  Since that clause leaves it up to Mike to interpret my actions as being “rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him,” ASSO did not mandate discipline, but they suggested that Mike strongly consider that clause and act accordingly.

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED?
That is what really happened.  Really!  What, you’ve never called on ASSO from the DDA?  Not buying it?  Okay, well, then maybe it went more like this. . .  

MY OPENING REMARK
Mike asked me for my ideas on being more submissive to him.  Speaking first is always a risk, as it often comes with a lot of assumptions about intent.  I’ve learned to always assume a loving intention, especially from Mike.  So clearly, I said something like, “Sir, I have ideas as there are always deeper ways to go with our D/s, but I an concerned my ideas may miss the mark unless I understand more about what you are looking for. I am happy to share them, but my answer may be more valuable to you if  I knew more about what you are feeling and looking for.  

Yes, that would have been a good opening remark.  But. . . instead, I was under the assumption he wanted to add a bunch of new requirements.  In my remarks I was quick to point out that eight months ago we took a lot of time to focus on defining our needs and desires and codifying them in our new Contract.   And we added quite a bit of new requirements for me, which I listed (Here’s some of them, oh, and more are listed on this post).   Those things represent a lot more Dominance on his part.  And now he wants more?

HYPOCRITE? 
I wrote in my last post that a negotiation isn’t about “chips.”  It isn’t, “Look what I did here, and here, and here.  And I’ll concede this chip if you concede that one.”  No, that type of negotiation is about Equality or Sameness — a successful relationship isn’t about those things.  It is about Equity and Fairness.

Well, poop!  I am human.  There is a tendancy to look for any perceived inequalities and then try to use them as a defense for our position (…”but Hillary’s emails!” I digress).   In addition, I was feeling vulnerable.  I took his request as a threat to what we had worked so hard to achieve.  I was comfortable with the status-quo, so suggesting we change it further triggered my defensive response.

BUT – I GIVE MYSELF CREDIT (more precisely, credit to what 3+ years of DD has taught me).  As soon as the words left my mouth I caught myself.  I jokingly told Mike, “Strike that, I want it redacted from the record and I want the jury to be instructed not to consider what I just said.”  Hee-hee.  Humor always helps when you stick your foot in your mouth.  

I said to Mike that none of those things I just stated had any bearing on what he was asking me.  I apologized for bringing them up.  He has always been willing to hear me when I expressed a need for more submission and I want to hear him at this moment.  It isn’t about what we already do for each other, it is about what he is telling me he needs right now.  “And it is difficult for me to recommend more rules or acts of submission when I am unclear on what you are needing.  Can we talk about that first?”   

So we did.

HE WANTS ME TO DO WHAT?
This will probably be disappointing to you.  After all this build up and delay in sharing – what is it that he wanted?    Well, my imagination was running wild when he asked me to suggest some additional submissive acts I could perform.   But when we finally got to talk about it, it was a bit anti-climatic.

His answer to my question regarding what he felt he was needing? … “Um, er., well, I am not really sure.”   Yep.  I thought he would have a list of things he wanted.  He did not.

It is a bit unfair that Mike couldn’t fully articulate what he wanted.  Remember, achieving equity requires knowing what you want.   But sometimes we just need to get it out there to our partners, even if we aren’t quite sure what that “it” is.   At least it got some dialogue rolling.   It took a little time, but we did get to the bottom of it.

RETURNING TO DOMINANT HEADSPACE
Simply put, much like Post 204. Returning to Submissive Head Space, Mike was needing his own “Returning to Dominant Headspace.”    Here is what concluded: 

  • Mike’s statement that he “wanted more Dominance” was the best way he was able to articulate what he was feeling at the time.  After an honest and open discussion he realized that wanting more Dominance didn’t actually mean more Duties and Obligations (at least not for now).  It was more about being consistent in enforcing what we already agreed upon. 
  • Both of us pointed to situations where he was giving more warnings and less spankings.  I hadn’t really noticed, but the more we talked, the more both of us came up with examples.  We also realized there were things I was failing to do that he wasn’t always aware of – I just forgot to tell him because we haven’t been enforcing it, thus I thought it wasn’t important anymore.
  • We decided to pull out the Agreement and go through it, and identify areas where we lost focus.  When we were done, we had a good list of “new” Duties and Obligations that he felt would satisfy what he was looking for.  In addition, they satisfied my submissive needs as well.  Very equitable!  And these things weren’t really new. 

This led us to reflect on what caused us to drift and why did he notice the drift before I did?  This reflection wasn’t to assess blame, but to explore our feelings as it is curious why he sensed a need to increase his Dominance (back to where it once was) and I didn’t sense it had decreased?   Could it be that I actually would like a little less submission?  The short answer is no – but as I rarely give short answers, I will explore that on another post. 

By the end of the Maintenance Session, we agreed we will be paying closer attention to:

  • Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement  
    As referenced by the ASSO ruling, we both agreed my tendency for sarcasm and humor, which he loves and appreciates, was, at times, getting too close or actually crossing the line of respect. 
  • Sexual Obedience
    Mike shared that there is more he wants from me regarding the sex I have with Matt.  I am to be let Matt know that I am willing to do anything Matt asks, with Mike’s permission.  Further,I am to be “on call” for sex with Matt anytime Matt wants it.  Matt just needs to ask Mike and if Mike agrees, they will arrange him to come over or for me to go to his place. 
  • Household Duties
    Mike will be more strict in my compliance – rare warnings, more discipline – as we both cited several examples where he had been more lax over the last several months. 
  • Availability and Awareness / Permission
    I am supposed to let Mike know anytime I leave the house for something that I did not already put on the schedule and get his permission/approval for my schedule.  This is an area I have been lax in reporting to him and he lax in disciplining me.  
  • Leaving Home Reminders
    This is something we did for awhile but stopped doing for no particular reason – just fell out of the habit.  I get a spanking anytime I leave the house, with or without Mike.  And if practical and he is not home, Kayla will spank me, and if she is unable, I will self-spank.  
  • Weigh-in
    This was a simple one but a good example of how we let things slip.  My Maintenance Sessions always included a weigh-in and somewhere down the line we stopped this.  
  • Gracefullness
    I agreed to Walk Gracefully, Sit Down Smoothly, and assume a Pretty Sitting Posture, so much so that I took etiquette classes and even had a private tutor to help me with this.  While I admit I am more graceful in how I carry myself (yes, people have noticed), neither Mike or I have been paying attention lately.
  • Attire
    Mike has always been able to demand that I do not wear a bra or panties when I go out.  Something he rarely asks of me.  He has now decided to make this the default – no bra or panties – unless I have received permission to the contrary.  This is consistent with how he has dealt with Kayla’s dress code.  He did concede that he recognizes the challenges of my being bra-less — significantly larger and saggy boobs vs Kayla — but none-the-less, he wants me to ask for permission before donning a bra.  I anticipate plenty of requests on the bra.  The panties? Well, as long as it isn’t a windy day, hee hee. (remember, I wear skirts and dresses, no pants).
  • Nudity be damned
    Mike said he consciously backed off on either administering a spanking or administering it less strictly so as not to leave marks, opting for more non-physical forms of punishment (corner time, lines, plug, etc)  He also avoided breast punishments for the same reason.  No more!  Both Kayla and I will have to just cover up if there are marks.   J and others understand sometimes you might just feel like wearing something, so such an excuse won’t be questioned.
  • Review his Dominance as part of Maintenance
    Maintenance has been focused on my submission — but my submission is only part of it.  What of his Dominance?  Each session will now include a question from me, “Sir, do you desire any additional ways that I can be more submissive to you?”   He will then ask me if I have any examples of things that happened throughout the week where he could have been more dominant (note:  this is a very different question than if he were to ask me if I could have been more submissive).   After I respond, he will comment on my response and add to it based on his perspective.
    This dialogue should further keep us calibrated, both with each other, and our respective headspace.

In recognition of all that we uncovered, Mike felt it was appropriate to take the DDA’s recommendation.  My sentence?  My Maintenance spanking after our talk was quite significant – let’s just say, I wore clothes the next two days!!

NEXT: Post 264. Won’t you be my (nude) neighbor?

 

240. I recovered my True Blogging Self

GET ON WITH IT
I plan to get back to more regular posting soon.  I do have a lot I want to share.

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know that self-reflecting is a “thing” with me.  This time I’ve been reflecting while pretty much abstaining from social media and my blog (with a few exceptions).  I haven’t even watched much tv or the news.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading, yoga, and meditating.  Cutting out all this “noise” allowed for some intense reflection.  

MY FALSE NARRATIVE
During the hiatus I had a few things occur that I wanted to share with you.  About half way through writing I thought, “Nah, that doesn’t fit with my blog.”  So I wrote about something else.  “Nope, don’t want to go there as that isn’t who I am on my blog.”   So I wrote something else.  Same thing.  “I shouldn’t share that.”  Then, “I can’t share this.”  And so on.  I would also tell myself, “It’s been about two months since you shared about being disciplined.  It is a DD blog after all, write about  being disciplined.  My blog is
“supposed” to be about DD!”  Then it hit me.  Why am I editing myself?

I realize I created this narrative in my head about what my blog was

BULLSHIT!
This narrative was getting stronger in my head.  It made me start to think that too many of my posts were straying from this narrative, thus I shouldn’t post them.  I don’t know what caused me to fall into this thinking.  I have finally woke up and am calling bullshit on myself!

The true narrative is much more simple.  It is a blog about me and what I choose to write about.   Period.    

Mostly I choose to write about experiences that surprise me, enlighten me, and help me be the wife, mother, and person that I want to be.  And what I want to be is someone who fulfills their husband while also filling themselves, and doing so with abandon!   I love that some people follow me and even engage in comments (and some emails!).  But ultimately, I started writing simply for me, and need to continue to write simply for me. 

SHY JENNY?
I will get my many half-written posts finished.  Two are on topics I find hard to share.  What’s odd is these two particular things make me feel negatively judged.  That’s dumb when you consider I obviously don’t care about any judgement from readers.  Spank my butt, bind my breasts, clamp my nipples and clit, stick a butt plug in me, give me an enema, scold me, send me to my room to stand in the corner, whip my boobs, slap my palms, watch me go to the bathroom, have threesomes, foursomes, and the list goes on.  I share all those details without reservation.  But these two things??

Maybe because I am still trying to figure out what they really mean about me and what I think they represent.  That’s it!  I am pretty sure anyway.  I am not yet convinced they represent what I want.  Maybe they do…at least enough that I continue to pursue them, but, maybe they don’t?   What are these things?  You’ll have to wait for those posts!  Here’s a hint…one rhymes with ski, the other with bartend.

Domestic discipline, D/s, poly, and the swinging are definitely the salacious parts of my blog.  But frankly those things represent part of how I choose to fulfill the mantra my mom instilled in me of love life, every moment every day.   And sometimes I like to add, “and LIVE life, every moment, every day.

VIVA LA REVOLUTION
And as I think about the true narrative of my blog, I arrive at this.  It represents elaborating on what that mantra means to me.  It means that
life should be free to live in a way we desire it, not based on what others may desire for us.  (I think that is why I am currently so fascinated and excited with nudism).  We are all unique, with our own desires.  We should not be shackled in the prison that society can often be.

It’s amazing when you consider that anything short of a rule of law is a cage we self impose on ourselves and agree to be confined to.  Maybe because it is family tradition, or we are concerned what the neighbors would think?   Frankly, I would much rather be submissive to my husband, than submissive to a false set of every changing moods and preferences of our institutions and the population at large.

It can be uncomfortable at times, as we all like to feel accepted.  But for me, I’d rather explore life as I want to explore it, embraced by a few meaningful relationships, than live life as others expect it, and be accepted by the faceless masses.

PERHAPS NOT THE REVOLUTIONARY
I laughed a little at what I just wrote.  I believe in what I wrote, but it sounds like I am a raving non-conformist.  Clearly much of my personal life does not conform, but it is in a very conforming wrapper; suburbia, mini-van, PTA, etc.  And frankly, both Mike and I like it that way. 

We were raised to be more conforming and we bought into living and being a certain way that is conforming.  We still find some comfort in holding on to certain societal shackles (i.e. “traditions and expectations) – but we sure have broken..or more accurately, obliterated.., many other such shackles.

Or have we?  Just look around.  I am beginning to suspect the non-conformist is a silent majority, wrapped in various camouflaging shackles that make them hard to spot.  But as they grow in confidence to loosen their shackles, even shed them entirely, their non-conformity begins to turn to a “new normal.” 

It’s slowly becoming more about how you choose to non-conform versus whether or not you are a non-conformist?  And as for kink and conforming to sexual “norms.” Well, hey, it’s been six years since this Newsweek!   I just may be a conformist after all!

Next: 241. Blogoverary, Anno Blogini 2

226. Kink Research

226

As per our latest DD contract,  Mike comes up with something new for me to work on each quarter.  My first goal was weight loss.  I attained that goal and even lost about 2 more pounds.  I don’t plan on losing more.  I maintain an exercise routine (just less intense), and I still watch what I eat (and compensate a treat or two with some added exercise).    

RESEARCH PAPERS
Mike has me writing papers for my next goal.  It’s an opportunity for both of us to learn more about various “adult/kink/sex” topics.   The plan was a paper a week (13 papers), but Mike soon saw the benefit of more time/fewer papers.  Now, due dates vary, typically 10-14 days.  I am glad he did this as I not only 
want to do a good job, but we both learn a lot. 

At first I thought these papers would be easy and fun.  Well, they have been fun, but a bit more difficult than anticipated. 

NOT SO EASY!
I didn’t count on Mike prescribing specific guidelines like a college professor!   Things like, a definition section, complete citations from sources, provide insights into counter arguments that exist, and many many other requirements.  

Some people think a submissive is sometimes treated like a child.  In this case, it’s like being treated like a college student, with the caveat that a poor grade can result in a spanking!  But of course, I love it. 

ASHES TO ASHES
My plan was to use each paper as a post.  Mike had other ideas.   After submitting my first paper, he read it several times, critiqued it, we discussed it, and then. . . he burned it!  He said it was for the same reason as the burning ritual we have when we replace an old DD contract with new.

What was interesting to me is that I always interpreted our burning of our old contract as representing that our contracts aren’t continuations, but new beginnings.  I mentioned before that we burn the old contract just prior to signing the new one, so in that moment, there is no commitment regarding submission.  I am not “officially” submissive until we sign the new one.  It is ceremonial, but meaningful.  

To Mike, our burning ceremony means those things and more.  One, it’s akin to  bit of shamanism – it is symbolic to take the words that guide us and release them as smoke and ash…a manifestation of what has guided and connected us is released to the cosmos.
More importantly to Mike is that it serves as a declaration.  We are saying we no longer need these words as lessons  We do not need to cling to feelings or conclusions expressed in the document.  We are proclaiming we have learned these lessons.  We are free to take those relevant parts down whatever path feels better and works best for us, unconstrained by the specific words in a document that no longer exists.   By destroying the document we are prevented from becoming a slave to the words.  Instead, we are forced to incorporate their meaning into ourselves and into a given moment.

Yeah, pretty deep.  Not that Mike is never deep, but, it surprised me he put that much meaning into it.

I told him I had planned to use them as blogs, but he said no.  He even deleted the soft copies.  He wants nothing to remain.  He told me I could show what I learned by posting a summary, so that is what I am doing.   

GRADE/PUNISHMENTS?
Do I get spanked as part of some grading system?  There is no specific grade, but I have been spanked.  On my first paper,  there were some instructions I failed to follow and my style was too much like a blog (too much editorial) and not enough research.  But other than that first paper, we have simply just talked… and talked.  

That was also an unexpected, but a pleasant, surprise.  We have a significant amount of dialogue about them (and include Kayla in the discussions).  That makes this effort feel even more worthwhile.  We all benefit and the discussions are a great bonding time.   

MAYBE I DON”T WANT TO SHARE THEM ANYWAY?
After typing the two summaries below,  I don’t know that I would have posted the actual paper anyway.  I don’t want to add to the already over abundance of junk-science, skewed by either personal experiences or personal bias.  After all, I didn’t do any actual field research. . . no empirical data other than relying on works of others and my personal experiences.  And unfortunately, a lot of information from others was based on their personal experiences.  There just isn’t an extensive amount of real research at our finger tips.  I am sure it is out there, with the likes of Kinsey Institute, but nothing easily accessible online.

Plus, I feel it gets away from why I blog.  I don’t intend to position myself as an expert on anything, other than expert on Jenny!  And even then I discover I have more to learn!  Ha.   Anyway, I am happy to provide a summary on the ones I find more intriguing or surprising.   So, here you go!

SUMMATION OF ALMOST EVERY PAPER TO DATE
It’s this simple – “All things in moderation.”

Paper 1: Long Term Health Effects of Impact in TTWD
Specifically, I focused on spanking and bondage.  In summary, “all things in moderation.”

Spanking/striking:  The “no duh” rule – Strike anywhere too hard, and injury will occur.  

  • The “fatter” the area, the better.  Be careful of areas with little fat.  Palms of hands and feet… hit too hard/a bit off target – lots of little bones that could get hurt. 
  • Avoid lower back/top of buttocks, abdomen and sides – areas not well protected by fat or bone – as you can risk organ damage.   
  • Butt is the best target.  Thighs are also good “fatty” areas to target but be attentive to aim (see next bullet).  Breasts are good too, but there is some evidence that repeated heavy impact could pose a cancer risk.  To reduce risk, some recommended no impact for those over 40 if family history of breast cancer.  One piece of “advice” (don’t know if it was fully backed up by research) was to allow bruises to fully heal before repeating – sounds reasonable. A target area I never considered – the base of the forearm.  
  • Striking the vagina can increase risk of infection, including UTI’s, if it is enough to break the skin or the implement is not clean.  There are also many more nerves close to the surface of the skin, so risk of nerve damage if hit too hard.  Striking a man’s testicles is never a good idea.  Lots of blood vessels and other “tubing” that can tear or rupture.  
  • Deviance & Desire has a great color chart regarding Impact Safety Zones.

Constriction:  The “no duh” rule:  Don’t constrict any area too tightly or for too long.

  • Risk of nerve damage to the constricted area.  Pink no problem, Darker Pink/Reddish, okay but not too long.  Purple = stop – you really shouldn’t even let it get that far, and extremely dark purple is venturing into nerve damage zone.
  • Constricting all the way around the chest should also be done carefully and for only short periods so as not to restrict breathing.
  • Make sure the person being tied or constricted can breathe and is not at risk for falling over, rolling off bed, etc.  If they are unable to speak (gag, etc), have some other way they can motion to communicate safe words.
  • Surgical scissors are must haves so you can quickly cut away at whatever is being used to constrict.  You can typically find them for about $15.

My Recommendations:  Longer, lighter strokes carry less risk than shorter, harder ones, and risk is the smallest when done on the buttocks.   The lower forearm is interesting – it apparently can sting similar to a palm strike but carry less risk – let’s try it! Binding or constricting requires heightened attention and strict adherence to common sense – No area for too long / too tightly. 

Paper 2:  Pee
Specifically, I focused on drinking.   In summary, “all things in moderation.”

Disregard anything you read about positive health effects.  Urine is mostly water and it is WASTE.  As in, it contains the stuff your body says you have plenty of:  various vitamins, minerals, uric acid, you name it.  Re-ingesting your own pee simply gives your body what it already said it didn’t need.  While it typically won’t hurt you, what’s healthy in that?

The risk is that your kidneys have to reprocess it.  Drinking excess amounts of your own pee for an extended period of time can stress your kidneys.  Technically, if you are going to drink pee, it is better to drink someone else’s.  Their waste may be something your body needs to absorb. . . but, I said “technically.”  The pee of others often has things of which we all ingest too much.

The psychology of it is intriguing and is what seems to attract those who partake.  It can be about the thoughts of ingesting something that once was in your partner, or simply the taboo of it all – accepting the “ick” factor of it all is an extremely humbling and submissive act.  (Some would say “humiliating,” and I’ve already shared my thoughts on humble vs humiliate).  

Taste will vary immensely, from practically tasteless (like water), to putrid.  Speaking from personal experience, it is typically very tolerable, which surprised me.  The more physically active the pee-er has been and/or the more water they have been drinking, the more tasteless their pee.  If they take a lot of vitamins and/or have been inactive, the body gets rid of excess vitamins/minerals via pee, causing a worse taste.  And the pee drinkers biggest enemy?  Asparagus and garlic eaters!

Asparagus contains mercaptan, also found in rotten eggs and garlic.  The byproduct produced by the stomach in processing the mercaptan is quite pungent – in smell and taste.  This byproduct makes it way into our pee.  And here’s a factoid – not everyone experiences this.  Our genetic make-up may be such that our body effectively breaks down and absorbs mercaptan without the byproduct, meaning it doesn’t end up in our pee.    

MORE PAPERS?
I don’t know yet how many summaries I’ll share.  Here are the topics of others:  Perspectives on HOH/Spankings from Different Cultures and Religions.  The Ins and Outs of Anal Sex.  Beyond the Kama Sutra (positions involving FF, FMF, MMF).  Sex Toy Review.  Penis Size. Oral Sex: Techniques and Health.  Polyamory.

There are still two more topics that Mike hasn’t given me yet.  He is open to ideas.  Anyone?

While these papers have been an interesting exercise, when it comes to anything to do with sex and kink, it comes down to this – we all disregard any evidence that doesn’t support our personal experiences and views and tend to remember only the evidence that supports our personal experiences and views.

Researching sex and kink can be a lot like what you get out of researching religion and politics – your conclusions tend to support what you already believe.  I am not knocking religion or politics, and of course am not knocking sex or kink.  It’s just human nature.  Despite my efforts to always be open to other ways of thinking and being, and despite my efforts to try and always challenge my own biases, those biases can be very hard for me to recognize.  Anyway, wouldn’t you just rather hear about my D/s?  Afterall, I did get a spanking on Friday after almost three weeks punishment free!

Next: 227. Naturism Rant