Tag Archives: sharing wife

244. Part 2 – I got a boyfriend

I split this in two posts as there is a lot to explore on my attraction to Matt.

CAN I DATE MATT?
A great discussion ensued when I asked Mike if I could have a date night with Matt.  A very straightforward and calm discussion.  It was the only detailed discussion we have had on this topic thus far.  Not that we don’t talk about it, but thus far we haven’t had a need to go back to re validate feelings or concerns.  It’s early, so that will probably occur at some point.  But I recognize that it is atypical that we addressed our current feelings in a single discussion.  It illustrates where Mike and I are in our relationship.   

We didn’t leave anything unsaid but frankly didn’t have to say much.  We said what we were thinking and feeling so there is no need to keep rehashing it until/unless those thoughts and feelings change.  Mike knows he is not just my priority, but I am his.  He can say no, say yes, change his mind at any time, and I will accept it.

In reflection, the weirdest thing about my discussion with Mike is that is didn’t feel weird at all.  I wasn’t concerned about Mike feeling jealous and he wasn’t showing any signs of it either.  Just a normal conversation.  Weird indeed.

MIKE ALLOWS IT
Mike said I could have my date night with Matt – make that nights!   I have to text him to keep him informed of what we were doing – text him if we arrive or leave a restaurant, movie, etc.  And of course, let him know when we get to his place and are going to have sex.  I am to call him afterwards and tell him what sexual acts we did.

So is Mike a cuck?  I’ve used that term before but it was jokingly.  It really doesn’t apply to Mike.  Cuckolding is more about deriding the husband and there is no derision going on here.  The accurate term to describe Mike’s kink regarding this is to say he is into candaulism.  The accurate term to describe my kink regarding this is to say I am a into being a slut.  Ha!   I don’t mind owning that term.  

DATES WITH MATT
So Matt and I went out.  I was very clear with Matt regarding what our relationship could and couldn’t be.  I love Mike in insane and immeasurable ways and would never leave him in a million years.  But that doesn’t mean Matt and I can’t enjoy each other’s company whenever we could, including having sex.  Matt seems to understand it and we seem to be on the same page.

I had a second date night with Matt late last week, and Mike has said he would like it to be a weekly thing, with us alternating whose place we go to for sex.  Matt agreed – on our next date night in two days we will come back to my house after going out.

The dates were great.  I really enjoyed myself and Matt’s company.  I enjoyed texting Mike and I know he enjoyed receiving them.  And as he requested, I called him after Matt and I had sex and was explicit in sharing what we did.

MATTS THOUGHTS
Matt added something interesting.  He told Mike he only wants to have sex with me.  He doesn’t want to have sex with Kayla and he doesn’t want to join us at John and Donna’s.  Simply put, he will have sex with me either alone or with Mike watching/participating.  If Kayla is there, Mike can have sex with her but he won’t.  

His reasons were that he enjoys the sex with me the most and as twisted as it sounds, wants to be “exclusively” for me.  How sweet.  I know it took a lot for him to be willing to state this.  I am sure he had concern for how Mike or me might react.  It actually makes me feel better about his readiness to get into a relationship like this.  I would be concerned if he simply just shrugged and said, “okay” to everything.  He has needs to be confident to share his needs.

His statement prompted me to recheck in with Matt regarding my intentions to make sure we are on the same page.  Matt said he has no notions of “taking me away” and he wants to enjoy whatever time we get to have together.  He was uncomfortable having sex with Kayla due to her age as his daughter is actually older than Kayla.  Fair enough.   The most interesting comment was the he said he doesn’t like watching me have sex with John.  When he watched me having sex with John he said I don’t have the same “look” about me that I do when he or Mike has sex with me.

I wasn’t aware that I had that “look” when I had sex with him, but, he is right.  As I wrote previously, there is a growing element of intimacy…more emotion, when Matt and I have sex.  And of course, it is there with Mike.  But John?  It is more just physical.  Still feels good, but more mechanical, less uninhibited and emotional.  Again, how sweet of him to notice.

I can’t resist poking fun at the absurdity of my sex life.  How sweet it is for my boyfriend to notice that I am more emotionally invested when I am having sex with him or my husband when compared to John.  Isn’t that special?  Ha!

WEEKLY DATES
My dates with Matt won’t necessarily be weekly, but weekly-ish.  Between my yoga classes, volunteering on the weekend, and various other appointments, keeping up with my household duties and obligations are the priority over Matt.   There is also the date night Kayla and I each have on alternating weeks with Mike.  The weekend after next the four of us plan a double date (J stays the night at a cousin’s).  That was Mike’s idea! 

Just thinking about the double date gives me a tingle.  What’s the opposite of cuck?  Whatever it is, that’s what I feel when Mike watches me have sex with Matt.  Way more than the feeling of having sex with John in front of Mike.  Mike knows that Matt and I are attracted to each other.  This increases Mike’s pleasure in watching and increases my pleasure in being watched by him.  

And I get a tingle just thinking about a date night with Mike watching.  Holding Matt’s hand while Mike holds Kayla’s.  While it may look like we are separate in that moment, the truth is we are both getting off on watching the other enjoy themselves.   

SUBMISSIVENESS?
I remain submissive to Mike, even when Matt is around.  I am not submissive to Matt.  He is not “my Sir.”  I think that is also part of my attraction to Matt.  I get to have a relationship and temporarily leave behind some of my submissiveness. 

Don’t misinterpret that as me wanting to get away from being submissive to Mike.  I love being submissive to Mike.  It’s just a nice break.  And it comes at a time I am so entrenched in my submission that it hasn’t impacted my submissive mindset at home.  I am able to get right back into it.  I don’t know if a year ago I could have done that.

Of course, just being with Matt is a submissive act as it only happens because Mike allows it and wants it.  Although now I want it too!

Next: Synchronizing Expectations

243. I got a boyfriend!

243

RETRO JENNY
A quick trip back to pre-DD Jenny.  I was a vanilla housewife.  College educated, worked for several years before I was fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom, conventional sex life that did not leave me yearning.  My sexual history was pretty unremarkable.  Okay, so the
skinny dipping and shaving party aside, it was pretty unremarkable.  

ALONG CAME A SPIDER
Okay, not a spider.  Then along came Domestic Discipline.  When I
first embraced the idea of DD, sexual exploration was not on my radar.  It wasn’t about sex.  So how did we get here?    

DD required Mike and I to tear down everything we use to keep from each other — things as small as our pet peeves and peculiarities, to the big things – our thoughts, our dreams, and yes, our sexual desires.  We basically opened up our “secret selves” to each other and the results were amazing. 

It wasn’t just about sharing sexual desires.  We shared our likes and dislikes about everything, unfiltered, without apology, and without trying to rationalize them.  Sometimes dreams and desires aren’t rational.  That’s part of the reason we are so reluctant to share them.

Through this sharing we truly became one – not in terms of sameness, but in terms of one complete and true understanding of each other.  I see the “one you” in him and he sees the “one you” in me.  Say what? 

I WANT YOU, YOU, YOU!
I’ve read that there are three “you’s:”

  1. The Private you.  (The you you think you are).
  2. The Public you.  (The you as others see you).
  3. The Secret You.  (The you you REALLY are).

How sad that we often don’t let anyone into #3, even the people we love and trust the most.  Maybe a peek, but full access?  Not likely.  Too much potential for judgement, perhaps even rejection.  But keeping #3 secret can be toxic.  Our unstated needs and desires can lead to passive aggressiveness or at least an unfulfilled feeling that may manifest itself in unhealthy ways.  Perhaps an anxiousness, emptiness or unexplained yearning.  We then may take on a number of bad habits to try to cope.

DD forced me to collapse my #3 and it was a bonus that Mike eventually collapsed his.   We had to calibrate our needs, desires, and dreams to each other, forcing a merger of our #1 and #2.   We became fully transparent to each other.  We fully shared our complete “you” which was now “one you.”  And we fully embrace, admire, cherish, respect, and love what the other has shared.  As I have written before, we’ve become one, but not the same.

I believe this “ultimate” level of oneness has resulted in our highly identifying,..perhaps completely identifying..with the experiences of the other.  We feel vicariously through each other, but it is deeper than just imagining.  It is feeling, sensing, and rejoicing in the experiences of the other.  I didn’t know such a thing existed, let alone would be possible. And this oneness is what has taken us places and continues to take us places.

WHERE IT TOOK US
I never expected what was to come regarding John and Donna.  I never expected to add another woman, let alone our former babysitter Kayla, to my relationship with my husband.  I never expected the level of sexual exploration that Mike and I have taken.  And now, I never expected to be attracted to another man.

I don’t state that with an ominous tone, so if your inner voice read it that way, read it again with a tone of wonderment and excitement.  Because just like the other places our DD has taken us, I look upon this new development i wonder and excitement. 

MATT
About four and half months ago Mike “suggested” that I have sex with his friend Matt.  I’ve known Matt casually for about 10 years – he used to work with Mike.  I would see him at company functions and he and his then wife attended a party we threw at our house.

He divorced about two years ago, is 51, kids are grown and on their own.  Since getting “re-acquainted,” I obviously have been able to get to know him better.  At first I didn’t think anything noteworthy about him.  He is quiet, reserved.  Frankly, can be boring.

He has a quick, dry wit and is caring and compassionate.  In a lot of ways he reminds me of how Mike used to be when we first got married.  There is this “aw shucks” innocence, and this shyness that you pierce if you simply talk to him first.

While some of this is just the way he is – he was never known as having a boisterous personality – some of it is the situation.  I mean, he is having sex with his friend’s wife with his friend’s permission.  His awkwardness and seemingly lack of confidence was him simply trying to figure out exactly what Mike, or me, would allow him to do.   He has since loosened up a little.  

SEX WITH MATT
The
first time we had sex was in his bedroom while Mike waited in the living room.  The next time I had sex with him was when he joined us for some fun at John and Donna’s.  He had sex with Kayla and I, but not Donna.  John had only met him once before and felt he needed to know him better.   

Matt’s been over to our house once where we had sex and Mike and I have been back to his apartment several more times.  Mike has also stopped by Matt’s as part of a date night with Kayla.  So Kayla and Matt have also had sex when I wasn’t around. 

There were two times when all four of us were together Mike and Matt would swap between Kayla and I, and me and Kayla would also “entertain” them with some woman-on-woman play.  So in other words – yeah, plenty of sex. 

My favorite thing to do sexually with Matt is to be on the bed on my back, legs spread and dangling over the side.  He is standing and entering me.  Mike is behind me, often holding my arms above my head, watching and talking to me as Matt goes in and out.

At first, sex with Matt felt much like sex with John.  More mechanical, more focused on my own pleasure and whether or not Mike was enjoying watching.  Not really focused on Matt.  Not emotionally connected to him.

But the way Mike was reacting…Mike was much more intimate, holding my hands or arms while Matt entered me.  Mike talks a lot to me during it, and it is just all more intimate.  I didn’t sense it at first, but Matt is part of that intimate feeling.  Yes, the last couple of times I had sex with Matt I felt very connected to him.

GROWING ATTRACTION
I didn’t fully realize that I was attracted to him until a few weeks ago.  Mike had a short out-of-town business trip – gone for just one night.  He said he asked Matt if he would stay the night with me at our house.  Matt would either leave before J got up or after J left for school.  Matt couldn’t do it as he had a family commitment.  I remember feeling so disappointed and it was in that disappointment that I realized I had feelings for Matt.

I found myself thinking about when we might get together next.  I realized that I wanted to see him and could not wait for Mike to arrange the next rendezvous.   What is more surprising to me than feeling attracted to Matt is that I didn’t hesitate to admit to it, whether to myself or Mike. 

“Mike, I think I like Matt.  Like, really like him.  I am asking for your permission to go out with him.”  

“You mean like your own date night?” was Mike’s response.  

“Exactly.”  

More on my next post!  I’ll try to get it up this afternoon!

NEXT:  244. I got a boyfriend – Part 2

237. Weird in a Good Way – Cuckolding

237

I have sex with my husband, Mike, of course. And with our best friends and neighbors, John and Donna. And of course there is Kayla.  And as of about three months ago, there is Matt.   (Post 197).

I haven’t posted anything more about Matt since then. I think each time I had something to share, I had something else I felt more important to share.   Then, it just seemed too far in the past to bother writing about it.  I find it easier to write about something that is fresh on my mind, where any new thoughts and feelings are… well, still new.   It’s more difficult to be inspired to share once I’ve reconciled, incorporated, or moved on from something.

SEX WITH MATT
After our first sexual encounter in early December, we had another later that month.  Mike and Kayla also visited Matt – Matt had sex with Kayla.  In those initial encounters, Mike just watched.  In late December, Matt came over to our house and this time Mike participated as he and Matt had sex with Kayla and I.   And we introduced Matt to John and Donna.

Matt hit it off with John and Donna.  He is a likable guy.  Unassuming, almost shy.  A bit reserved but if you ask him something directly, he can go on and on in answering you.  I learned you just have to ask him directly, otherwise, he isn’t going to just tell you something or randomly interject his thoughts.

He is attractive — not like model, amazingly, incredibly, so, but attractive. And his demeanor and how he carriers himself is sexy.  And as I learned and shared previously, he is well endowed…8 1/2 inches.  I get that this is not like porn-star huge, but, still a personal record for me.   And it has the perfect thickness and overall look to it.    A very beautiful cock.    ahem,  oh…back to my story.

Matt attended the Super Bowl Party that  I missed.   In February,  Mike and I visited him once during one of our date nights, as did Mike and Kayla on one of their date nights.   Schedules and various commitments have precluded visited to/from Matt over the last three weeks or so.

CUCK
Mike confessed having what clearly is a cuckold fantasy.  He has always enjoyed watching me be sexual, such as masturbating, or having sex, whether with John, Donna, or Kayla.   But he said he gets a unique thrill of watching me with John.  Mike says the feelings are 100% erotic when he watches me with another woman, but watching me with John and Matt includes a dimension he can’t fully describe.

While the sex with Matt has included group settings (including Mike and Kayla, or even including Mike, Kayla, John, and Donna), many times it has just been one-on-on; just Matt and me, or just Matt and Kayla — with Mike nearby or watching.  The settings with Matt have been more intimate than say the times I am having sex with John, when Donna is there and it part of a larger “play date” or interaction.   We’ve gone to Matt’s, exchange a quick hello, have sex, and then a goodbye.  It is really much more about the act of sex and not much more than that.

WHAT MOTIVATES MIKE
Mike’s reasons are that he loves watching us (Kayla and I) be sexually fulfilled.   It also satisfies the voyeur in him, and he knows it satisfies the exhibitionist in me.  It also gives him a strong element of control over me.  He admits that the control factor is a big part of his thrill.  Of course, with our D/s, I grant him lots of control over me, which includes sex, but granting control is one thing, actually taking it is another.

WHAT MOTIVATES ME
Our agreement specifically addresses that he may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by me whether it be by or upon him or any other person.  At the time I agreed to this, I specifically wanted Mike to be willing to explore whatever sexual fantasies he had regarding me.  And I still do.   It is part of my fulfillment of being submissive.

Mike often asks me about my feelings about something he commanded, whether sexual or otherwise.  I am not allowed to simply say, “If it makes you happy, then I am happy.”   He wants to know how I feel beyond the satisfaction I get from submission.

In the case of sex with Matt, yes, pleasing Mike pleases me. – that’s a given.  And, it also excites the exhibitionist in me, and I enjoy being the “COA” (Center of Attention) when it comes to sex.  Heck, it’s what prompted me to first masturbate in front of John and Donna way back when.   Yes, I love being a sexual COA, especially when that attention is from Mike.

You may think it requires a lot of self-confidence to be COA.   I don’t consider myself sexually self-confident.  I am not void of confidence, just not over flowing with it.  I do have insecurities – there are things about my body that I know aren’t all that attractive.  Forcing myself to be COA actually builds my self-confidence and is my way of telling my insecurities to “F” off as they aren’t going to limit me.   So yes, having sex with Matt, with Mike watching or knowing about it — definite turn on for me!

Lastly, we BOTH admit to simply enjoying the excitement, fulfillment, and stimulation from the sexual exploration of something that is considered taboo.   Just the thought of it is a bit stimulating, let alone actually doing it!

MOTIVATED BY SCIENCE?
Studies show that if a man believes his wife has been with other men (even if she really hasn’t), that belief can change the man’s physiology.  Their passion increases, their sperm count increases, they get erect sooner, ejaculate more, can get erect again more quickly after sex, and simply have an increased sex drive.

The biology around this is simply the human desire to procreate.  If a man senses “competition,” their body has evolved to react with increased sexual prowess and desire.  These changes occur even when the cuckolding is voluntary.

One other interesting bit of research is that cuckolding couples are excellent communicators.  The doctor running one study stated “they may be some of the most communicative people I‘ve ever seen.”   I believe that aptly describes Mike and I.

KAYLA
Kayla is completely comfortable having sex with Matt.  She described the first time as thrilling because she was actually a little scared.  Not scared of being harmed, but scared of the unknown and worried she would somehow let down Matt and thus letdown Mike.

I haven’t written a lot about Kayla lately.   She reads my blog.  It would be unfair for her to learn through the blog how I feel about something concerning her.  We talk quite a bit, thus I could share what we discuss; however, I also feel it is unfair if she has to read about something that she is still trying to work through herself.  It’s one thing for the two of us to have a discussion, and another for her to have it out there for all my readers to see.   Even though this blog has anonymity, there is still a feeling of having all your stuff “out there” for the world to see.  That can be frustrating or intimidating if you are still trying to work through the issues yourself.

BACK TO MATT
So Matt is now an official member of our Circle of Trust, which means… well, which means whatever Mike wants it to mean.  We may continue our visits to Matt’s place and he to ours, as well as invite him over when we have adult fun at John and Donna’s.   Mike told me he thought about inviting Matt to spend some nights at our house– those thoughts went so far as to consider having him stay over with me when Mike and Kayla were out of town.

Mike asked me for my thoughts on that and I was agreeable, so long as we made sure to keep his presence unknown to J.  The plan was that Matt would leave before J got up for school, or, would stay hidden away in our bedroom until J left for school.   In the end, Mike decided against having Matt over while he was out –at least this time.   I told Mike it would be weird to have Matt alone with me in our house, in our bed — but weird in a good way — which frankly, sums up our entire dynamic!   LOL!

Next: 238. Mystery Blogger Award

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197. Do ya wanna have sex?

197

“Do you want to have sex with Matt?”

I almost replied with “Do you want me to have sex with Matt?”  Luckily I caught myself because answering a question with a question would likely be considered disobedient.  Mike especially dislikes a reply such as, “Whatever you want, Sir.”  He finds such responses to be disrespectful, as if he doesn’t know that I am willing to obey his wishes.  When he asks me a question, he wants me to accept it as stated and answer it accordingly.    

“It hadn’t crossed my mind before and with your endorsement I would definitely want to have sex with him.”   There, I think that was diplomatic in a submissive sort of way.

WHO’S MATT?
Matt is a long time friend of Mike’s.  They worked together for many years before Matt left to work at another company.  They often went on business trips together and were both involved in entertaining account reps, vendors, clients, etc.  They got to know each other very well both in and outside the office.  

They hadn’t been in frequent contact for a few years.  There was the occasional “how’s it going” and a few times they met up for lunch here and there.  They reconnected recently.  Matt is now divorced, just turned 50, and currently not in a relationship.

“Okay then, I’ll look for the opportunity to make that happen.”  And with that, the next day Mike tells me we will be going over to Matt’s place on our date night this weekend.   He then asked me if I had any reservations or questions.

I told him I have no reservations.  I said I was fully committed to being subject to his desires regarding anything he asks of me regarding sex, including sex with anyone he wishes either of us to have sex with.  While not in the contract, I have voiced that the only exception is that I do not want either of us having sex with someone who is in a relationship when both parties aren’t aware of the sex.   Mike agreed.  We don’t want to get tangled up in complicating someone’s relationship. 

QUESTIONS
I did have a couple of questions.  I asked him what prompted this?   He said it was nothing in particular.  The thought of sharing me excited him and he believes Matt is the perfect guy to do this with.  Mike has always enjoyed watching me, whether with John, Donna, Kayla, or by myself.  And of course, I love being watched by him.  And he rarely just watches – he almost always joins in. 

I asked him if he talked to Matt about this yet.  Was Matt even willing?  I imagine it would be awkward for him.  Mike said he has not talked to Matt, but is 100% certain he will be good with it.  Mike wants it to be a surprise, so at this point he just told Matt that he and I want to drop by after we have dinner to just see his new place and say hello.  Mike said that part of the excitement for him is in the unknown.  While he expects it to be positive, Matt will clearly have a moment of “What’s going on here?”   Mike simply told me to be prepared to follow his lead. 

Lastly, I asked Mike if he would ask the same thing of Kayla?   Mike said he hasn’t decided yet but assumes that at some point he will.   By the way, in many of Kayla’s and Mike’s talks about her relationship with Michaud, Kayla has reiterated that she does not want Mike treating her any differently than before.  She does not want Mike to consider Michaud’s feelings or concerns.  She asked Mike to remain focused only on what he feels is best for her as his submissive.   

Despite this, Mike did say that he would ask her more questions.  While she almost certainty would agree to this, Mike wants her to at least think more deeply about it.  Mike feels that it isn’t about him showing consideration for Michaud, but consideration for Kayla.  The “single Kayla” has thrived under the sexual adventures she has been on.  Would the “dating-Kayla” thrive as well?  Mike takes his role seriously and it isn’t just about his own sexual gratification, but about whether it provides any fulfillment to Kayla. 

MIKES DOM STYLE
This got me thinking more about Mike as a Dom.  I focus a lot on what submission means to me, but have only briefly touched on what Dominance means to Mike.  For him, being a Dom isn’t about “taking” from a submissive.  It is about “giving” what the submissive desires regarding their submissiveness.  It’s like I said before, I think for a submissive, it isn’t about simply finding a Dom, it is about finding the right Dom.  If the match isn’t a good one, instead of feeling fulfilled, the submissive may feel disregarded or demeaned.  

So, Matt is attractive, I enjoy his company, and have no qualms about having sex with him.  The exhibitionist in me is excited, but, I am also a bit nervous knowing he isn’t aware that I will be his for the taking.  How awkward is he rejects my advances!  Also, just exactly how does Mike propose we go about it?  All he would tell me is he has a plan that includes ever escalating innuendo and stages of my undress.   Humm…. can’t wait!

NEXT: 198. Sex with Mike, I mean, with Matt