Mike and I had our biggest disagreement since adopting Domestic Discipline over two years ago. Granted, I wrote before about an argument (Post 44. Argument Part I and Post 45. Argument Part II). But that was nothing compared to this. On the one I posted about in 44 and 45, I was clearly in the wrong. This one didn’t have a right or wrong. Just two points of view that were equal on their merits, but only one could prevail.
The issues are unimportant but I will say it had to do with our kids, namely our youngest J, and a disagreement over handling a particular situation. I am not going to share the details because it really doesn’t matter. It isn’t about someone being wrong or right, or who said or did what to whom. Suffice to say we didn’t see eye to eye on something of which we both have strong feelings and perspectives – and those feelings and perspectives were not compatible. Thus, an argument.
There is nothing about our DD lifestyle that says I must agree with Mike or that says I don’t have a voice. I routinely voice my thoughts and opinions but allow Mike to be the final arbiter. I have never felt discounted or felt that my views were devalued, even though clearly I don’t always “get my way.” That is no different from life before DD.
The difference is that before DD, discontent would typically fester, pop, then linger. With DD there is no opportunity for an issue to fester as we communicate openly, honestly, and timely. Instead of “popping” in a heated argument, there is a “respectful disputation” that has a clear ending. Yes, that ending is typically with Mike deciding on things, but I agreed to that, and frankly, I like that. At least in concept, because there are times where it is very difficult. Basically, the more important and passionate I am about the issue, the harder it is to accept Mike’s “verdict” if it is not to my liking.
Thus far there have been few issues that have come up and almost all are been very minor. Mike has been very good at considering my needs. While I don’t look at in terms of “wins” or “losses,” it makes it easy to convey if I sum it up as simply, “win some, lose some.” Again, no different from pre-DD, except again, the process is much more respectful, quick, loving, and finite — no lingering resentments. And of course, one other major difference is that ultimately, Mike rules!
I could not accept Mike’s decision on this particular issue. We actually talked about it on several occasions over a few days before he came to a decision. He was done talking about it but I was not. I did not agree with his decision. At first he graciously and respectfully said, “Okay, I see that this upsets you, so let’s talk so more.” Sort of like, “I know I made my decision, but I am open to reconsidering.” But after about the third time of doing this he grew impatient and drew the “Dom card.” Basically he decreed the discussion over and the decision final. I still could not accept it. I’ll get back to that in moment.
During the discussions (okay, fine, During the Argument!)
I earned a few punishments prior to him pulling the “Dom card.” In each case Mike was clear that the punishment was not because we were in disagreement, but because of my attitude or disrespect in my attempts to communicate my feelings. I accepted those spankings without hesitation. I agreed to be respectful at all times and I wasn’t, so it was no different from any other transgression. It also helped me stay calm when I talked to him, or, I would wait until I calmly collected my thoughts before bringing it up again. So again, I thank our DD for helping in this way.
As the issues and discussions spanned the course of several days, the mood in the house was a bit odd and awkward. Not only was this our first big “fight” since adopting DD, we also have Kayla in our household. Let’s just say that during those days I was not feeling particularly close to Mike, nor he to me, and Kayla was sort of stuck in the middle. I didn’t particularly feel sexy nor sexually aroused towards Mike nor did he feel that way towards me. In those days I did have sex with Kayla, and Kayla with Mike, but Mike and I did not have sex. I know Kayla was a bit uncomfortable by it all, but she was wise to stay out the fray and Mike and I retained enough of our senses to not try to drag her in. She did not give her opinion, nor was she asked.
AFTER THE DOM CARD
When Mike pulled his “Dom card” and issued is final “decree,” he knew I was still unhappy about it. Despite my efforts, I couldn’t “fake” it and was clearly not my normal self. At one point Mike finally said, “Are you happy being a submissive?” Of course I answered yes (make that, “Yes, Sir!”
“Do you want to remain submissive or stop?” “Yes sir, I want to remain like this. I do not want to stop.”
He went on to ask me why I didn’t want to stop, and my replies were full of all the things I’ve written about here regarding what I get from DD. I know the point he was trying to make is that if I get all these wonderful things from DD, I need to accept that he has final say and that is that. He heard me out, he even softened his position a bit, and he made his final decision. If I couldn’t accept it, he was basically saying I can not accept DD and our D/s relationship. This was similiar to the approach he took the first time we had an argument after adopting DD. (Post 45 Argument – Part 2).
I still wasn’t ready to give in. I wanted it both ways. I want to be submissive, I want to serve Mike, and I want my way on this one. Mike then turned my disagreement with him into a punishable offense. He said he was done discussing it, had already made certain concessions and it was clear we would never fully see eye to eye on the appropriate solution, so either I accept he has final say or I don’t, and we are done with DD. Since I made it clear I did not want to end our DD, nor want to accept his decision as final, I was punished.
The punishment was not an immediate event. It was several days of basically a Master/slave immersion. More like a “mini” immersion because J was home with us, but while he was at school or asleep, it was very much Master/slave mode. Mike said that perhaps having to go a few days of deeply submitting beyond our normal routine would help “get back into my submissive mindset.”
It may be strange to say this, but I loved this. I still hated the decision, and I didn’t particular enjoy parts of the “deep submission,” but I enjoyed the idea of it. I have written before that I love it anytime Mike ad-libs things in showing his Dominance. This situation was not explicitly addressed in our Contract so he had to use his discretion in determining how to respond to my actions. He did so in an admirably Dominant way and I happy that he did so.
Since I haven’t shared a spanking story in a while, I’ll share one particular punishment I got during this mini-immersion period. The immersion was filled with spankings, some severe, nip and clit clips, tack bra, ball gag, mouth soaping (and the dreaded rinse), writing lines, and the like. It also had its share of sexual submission as well. At any time Mike would stop me and have me perform a sexual act on him or on Kayla. There were standing orders that anytime he motioned a certain way I was to drop on all fours in front of him, take out his cock and perform oral sex, while Kayla fetched a paddle. She would then paddle me while I went to town on Mike and continued spanking me until Mike finished.
When Mike announced the mini-immersion was over, the entire issue was truly over. I accepted his decision on the issue that started all of this. I was definitely back in my submissive mindset. In reflecting on it I also could say that while I still wish he would have decided otherwise, I can fully accept his decision. While it isn’t what I would have decided, it was still reasonable, loving, and effective – just like the mini-immersion. Score one for the Dom, and score another for DD.