Oh, no, no, no! Not THAT kind of driving. I mean, “driving” as in “motivating, influencing, have an effect on.” As in, “What’s driving him to Dominant the way he does?” Hee hee. Yeah, Mike leaves the dildos for “female entrance” only. lol.
I posted recently about my high sex drive. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you want to look at it), things of sort of leveled out to a more normal sexual urge. Which still means lots of sex, just not so frenzied about it and craving it from one moment to the next.
It got me thinking about the ebbs and flows of not just sexual appetite, but of my need for submission. Although there is never a time I don’t want to feel submissive towards Mike, there are times I crave it more than others. Even a few times where I requested a spanking, “just because.” I posted about the first time I ever asked for one in post 42. I’ve asked for a few here and there since then, but I don’t think I posted about them. It hasn’t been a common thing for me.
This, in turn, led me to think about whether Mike goes through such fluxes. There has to be time’s his sex drive is higher than normal, or times he just feels the need to do something dominant – talk sternly, give orders, give harder discipline. That would just be normal, no?
MIKES SEX DRIVE
When it comes to sexual urges, he said he never feels it in the way I recently did regarding just not being able to get enough. He thinks it’s because he gets it frequently and in many varieties. He said the “thirst” never exceeds a certain threshold before it gets quenched.
Not to say there aren’t times where he just wants it in a given moment, or, is excited about knowing he will “get it” soon. But those feelings are soon remedied. Yep, he is able to get a sudden quickie of either sex or a blow job just because he feels like it. That’s how it goes when Kayla and I make ourselves available without hesitation.
As they say, “Multiple blow jobs a day keep the urges away.”
Do they really say that? Well, we do.
Mike stated that there are times he is more turned on than others and that this usually shows up in his refractory period. That is, the time it takes to regain an erection after climax. There are times he is ready to go pretty quickly, and other times he has no interest after cumming. Basically, if he is feeling particularly horny, he is likely to rebound quickly, thus, eventually able to satisfy his immediate craving.
OH, BY THE WAY . . .
This is a little off topic, but since when does a Jenny post stay on topic? When we are having sex, as in sex sex, Mike is very good at making sure the woman/women involved climax, even if he has already done so. But, in the case of the quicky blow jobs, it is all about his need to get off. These bj’s can occur at any time, and practically anywhere.
For me, not being able to finish myself isn’t often a big deal. I love the submission of a giving a bj without notice, but I typically not so turned on sexually that I feel the need to get to an orgasm. The few times I have had that feeling I simply have to take matters into my own hands, literally! It happens way more with Kayla. I think I mentioned before that she has actually climaxed from giving head. She really gets turned on by it.
There are times when Mike is working from home and she gives him a quick bj in the hallway. He has to get back to work and will sometimes tell her to masturbate until she cums, or call me over to “help her.” Oh, the things we submissive do for our Sirs!
Okay, where were we?
MIKE’S DOMINANCE DRIVE
As for craving Dominance, Mike said he feels he never craves it. He chalked it up to the fact that any need he has for Dominance is constantly being fed. He said that between me and Kayla, there is always someone waiting, serving, deferring, listening, obeying or submitting to him in one way or another. And as for spanking, he says he doesn’t ever recall thinking, “Man, I really just want to punish her a certain way just for the sake of how it makes me feel.”
He said he is always thinking about what we “expect and deserve” out of a punishment. He bases that on previous infractions and punishments and his sense of what we are needing from a submissive and atonement aspect. He said he has felt the “need” to perhaps hit a little harder, or punish a little longer. But it comes from balancing what I deserve based on my needs and expectations. The closest thing he related to thinking about himself is when he sometimes just wants to change things up. For one, he likes to surprise us sometimes with something a little different, and, he enjoys thinking up different things, especially when it comes to trying to be creative in having the “punishment fit the crime” so to speak.
It was nice to hear this. But I am not like, “Aw, that’s so thoughtful and nice of him.” I mean, he could always have some day where he just needs to dominate more than usual. That wouldn’t make him unthoughtful. It’s bound to happen. However, it did warm my heart to hear him express how, even after almost four years of DD (something that I imposed on our relationship), that he still strives to stay focused on my needs and those of Kayla’s. Even though our need is to be submissive to him, doesn’t mean our need is for him to Dominate us.
This may sound inconsistent with what I shared six months ago in the post about our dynamic evolving to be more about his Dominance than about my submission. But it’s more nuanced than that. Our dynamic did evolve to where both of us wanted Mike to demonstrate his Dominance more often. That is, I wanted him to exert more power and influence over our activities and it just so happens that Mike was also wanting to do just that. This differed from the way our dynamic had worked previously where his Dominance had been more about executing to the things I explicitly expressed I needed as a submissive.
My discussion with Mike regarding the topic of today’s post showed me that although Mike is now setting the tone for his Dominance, (versus me setting the tone for my submission) the tone he sets is still based on his perception of what I want and need. Even though our DD has evolved, the needs of “his submissives” still remain the primary motive behind the power and influence he chooses to exert.
I liked hearing that. I do want his needs to be fulfilled over my own. That’s my chosen role as a submissive. And it is great to hear that his needs are to strive to fulfill my needs. That makes for an amazing symbiotic relationship where his Dominance feeds my submission, and my submission feeds his Dominance.
Although I can imagine some submissive prefer a more dominant Dominant, that’s just not my preference, nor Kayla’s. I assume that could change someday, but I doubt it.
It’s yet another reason I feel so fortunate in my DD journey. Somehow we have been able to remain in sync regarding what each other is able to deliver (give) and what each other needs (takes). It can be very difficult to keep the “gives and takes” in balance.
I chalk up our success to 100% authentic and unfiltered communication and a deep desire to see the other happy and fulfilled wrapped in a complete willingness to be vulnerable to one another regarding our thoughts and needs. And the most elusive element of all – luck. I feel very fortunate and lucky that somehow we always make things work for us.