Tag Archives: service

173. Potpourri of my new Domestic Discipline

This post covers a potpourri of topics regarding our DD 3.0. (upcoming changes to our Contract).

MANTRAS
As I shared in Post 169. Adding Ritual to Our DD, Mike told me (see Vocabulary below) to create a Morning Mantra to recite when I first wake up, and a Nighttime Mantra to recite when going to bed.   Per his instructions I submitted several from which he could choose.  

MORNING MANTRA
“Today I desire submission;
through humility, not humiliation,
through service, not suffering, 
through being present, not in pain
through being useful, not used,  
through discipline, not punishment, 
through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.” 

EVENING MANTRA
“Thank you Mike. 
Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.
Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.

Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.
Thank you Mike for guiding, as I obey you.
Thank you Mike for deciding, as I trust you.
I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.

I say them three times whenever I am to recite them, and must do so whether or not Mike is with me.  I must also be prepared to recite them anytime Mike asks.  Again, the purpose of these is a focusing exercise to help put me in or keep me in a submissive mindset.  I am working to get these memorized by the 17th when they will be required.

QUARTERLY GOALS
Our new Contract has a Quarterly Goal Setting Requirement with consequences for not achieving the goal.  Each quarter Mike sets a goal for me that is focused on my “inner peace or self-development.”  It could take many forms.  Mike said perhaps it would be to read a certain number of books and provide him a book report of sorts, or research a topic he has in mind and provide him a paper on it.  The first goal was a bit more personal.  It is to lose 18 pounds. That would put me at my weight when we were married. 

That averages to 6 pounds a month, or 1.38 pounds a week (yes, I did the math).  I think I can do it.  And, although I accepted this goal without question or comment, Mike said he would commit to losing 12.  That did prompt me to ask why not 16, which would put him at his “wedding” weight.   He slyly responded, “I’ll commit to the extra four if you commit to another four.”  Yikes!  “No, Sir, 12 is great, thank you.”

There was a time I would have freaked out over Mike commenting on my weight.  Today, I am inspired by his comments.  The biggest difference, beside my submissiveness, is that I am completely confident in my appearance and Mike’s love for me.  I will feel better, be healthier, and look even better for Mike.  It has also helped that in the last two years I’ve shed about twelve pounds without really focusing on it.  I did it mostly through just eating healthier as we had more home cooked meals and less take out.

Another 18 off would mean I would be down 30 pounds from my peak weight!  Yea!  The biggest challenge is that this has to occur over the holidays, where over indulgence is an easy thing – but I have a powerful additional motivation.  I reminded Mike that I may have to buy MORE new clothes when I am done.  That’s more motivation to me than any discipline I may receive if I don’t reach my goal.  No spanking AND I get to shop!?!?   This goal is going to be reached!

VOCABULARY
Mike noticed that, whether in my blog or in speaking, I often refer to things that he as “asked” me to do.  He said this is not proper submissive thinking as he does not “ask.”  Asking infers I can consider whether or not to comply.  From now on he wants me to use words like, “told,” “ordered,” or “instructed.”     Wow, this would be like a slap across the face of the pre-DD Jenny.  But the today-Jen loves it! 

WARDROBE
As shared in Post 168, my wardrobe is getting a makeover.  Out with the t-shirts, pants, jeans, and sneakers (a select few will remain). In with dresses, skirts, and heels (and some new flats).  Mike is allowing me to wear flats around the house.  The heels are just for going out.

I have to give a big THANK YOU to jadescastle.  She suggested these two websites, eshakti.com and modcloth.com for clothing inspiration.  I loved their selection and when I showed Mike, I was floored by his reaction.  I am not disrespecting him when I say that his love for fashion is basically nonexistent – he readily admits it.   However, he flipped out – in a good way – for what he saw.  His reaction to many of the clothes was, “That’s exactly what I was imagining for you, let’s get that one, and that one, and that one too.”    Well, guess what?  That meant a bump in the budget!   Maybe I should have Mike shop with me more often?   Mike joked that it made sense for my clothing budget to at least match our sex toy budget – after all, I am his ultimate sex toy!   By the way, Kayla’s getting some new clothes too!

KAYLA
Speaking of Kayla, I haven’t written anything about her in all my posts about the new Contract.  Simple reason is that she isn’t a party to the Contract.  There isn’t anything in it that pertains directly to her, or with my relationship to her.   But, I will say that watching her thrive under Mike’s Dominance was helpful in getting me to open up about being more submissive to Mike.  Their dynamic has always been D/s with a dab or two of M/s.  It is still different than what Mike and I have, but now has a few more similarities. 

PUBLIC DISPLAY OF SUBMISSION
This point may have been lost on my prior posts, but this new Contract also marks us being willing to display our dynamic more publicly, even among family and friends – including our children.  This doesn’t mean anything sexual or discipline wise – but does include how I speak and act (and dress).    

Mike also told Kayla she is free to explain our relationship, at a high level, to whomever she wants – when it is appropriate.  Mike advised Kayla there needs to be proper context such that her mentioning anything is actually relevant.  In other words, she just doesn’t blurt it out, but she can explain it if asked about her relationship status.  In addition, the explanation should be high level.  For instance, Mike said that when she feels any explanation is warranted, the words she must use is that she is in a “polyamourous submissive relationship with a married couple.”

Beyond that, any other details are really no one’s business; however, it is reasonable to assume a typical reaction would be, “What does that mean?”   Kayla’s response is to state it simply means what it means.  She can answer some yes/no questions they pose, but she is to avoid details.   Mike also told her that she needs to let him know any time she shared any information like this – who she shared it with, why, and what was shared.

REFLECTION
Wow.  This is so crazy when I think about where I was two years ago and where I am today.  A full 180 degrees from DD Jenny Style to perhaps a somewhat more traditional D/s dynamic, if there is such a thing.  I always say DD is about what you want it to be and what two people consent for it to be.  It follows no specific formula, no specific rules, other than whatever brings joy and fulfillment to the couple participating in it.   And as I’ve demonstrated, the things that bring joy and fulfillment can change over time and I am fortunate to have a Dom who changed with me.

In many ways Mike is now the “a-hole” that I once thought John was. (Post 20. Putting on a Show).   Of course I mean that in the affectionate meaning of the word — HA!  I state that because my only reluctance or doubts about what we are doing is in what others may think of Mike.  While Mike is fine with this and said he doesn’t care what others think, it still concerns me.  I want people to see him as I do.  No matter how “D” Mike is, he is still my sweet, loving, and caring husband that he has always been.

NEXT:  Post 174:   My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract

51. Olympic Post: Gold, Brazilian, Cunnilingus?

Hodgepodge of things to share and catch you up on.

Olympic Gold.  Five Acts of Service update. 
There was some suspense. Mike first listed the following:   1. organizing his clothes in the closet and dresser.  2. Ironing all his clothes, even his casual stuff.  3. Polishing his shoes.  4. Cleaning/maintaining the cars.  5. Having warm towels ready for him when he got out of the shower.

Technically, all five of those were on my list, but my list had 2&3 combined as one item, so there was still one more thing on my list that he hadn’t mentioned.  I let him know this, so, we had to go to the Rules Committee (aka Mike) for his interpretation.   Fortunately he simply said he needed to come up with one more – and he did.  He included me nicely displaying two sets of clothes from which he can choose to wear each morning. That means I was 5 for 5!  I nailed the challenge.

Winning the challenge kept my virtual emotional gas tank on full.  I continue to be high energy and full of vigor.  I am enjoying my deeper service to Mike, and I know he is enjoying it too.  If my challenge was an Olympic event, then I got the gold!

Brazil.  Brazilian update.
Speaking of Olympics, I got my first Brazilian wax over the weekend and we did the full “Hollywood” treatment.   Mike and I spent an evening with John and Donna where Donna gave me a Brazilian while the guys watched.  Overall it wasn’t too bad except for a few “pulls” that really hurt.  Don’t get me wrong, all of it hurts, but it isn’t excruciating.  Maybe a 5 on a scale of 10, except for a few that maybe registered an 8 – but whatever amount of pain you have doesn’t linger.  I did have slight redness in one spot that had a burning sensation linger for a bit, but it quickly went away after applying lotion.

And we did the backside too.   Yep, got the butthole all smooth too!  That really had no feeling, I assume a combination of a lot less sensitive and not many hairs.

The process of getting it done could be a challenge to one’s modesty, except I have none.  I got a thrill out of giving them all an intimate glimpse at the kibbles and bits.  It wasn’t overly sexual, at least in my mind, as my focus was on what Donna was doing and making sure it wasn’t going to hurt too much.  However, it did turn sexual.

Cunning Linguist.
I don’t believe I mentioned this before but Donna speaks three languages.  English, of course, but also Spanish and Portuguese.   Yes, my Rio Olympic theme continues as Portuguese is the official language of Brazil – however, she is actually part Portuguese as her mother emigrated from Portugal.  Donna picked up Spanish as it is useful in these parts (I am in Texas, which I don’t think I mentioned before either).  None of this is relevant to this story, but I was trying to think of a cute way to introduce what happened at my waxing.  Suffice to say, Donna is crafty, and she speaks three languages, thus, she is a cunning linguist.

My wax was basically done.  She was just getting a few strays hairs here and there.  Mike and John were getting up real close and personal and pointing out a stray one here or there.  I swear there were none left and they were just getting a thrill out of “inspecting” me so closely.  Donna would rub and even spread my folds and say, “There isn’t any hair, it’s all smooth everywhere.”   Mike and John would insist I needed one more dab of wax here or there.  Finally Donna said, “Not only do I not see any, but I don’t feel any.  She is as smooth as silk.”  When they kept insisting, in a joking way, that there was more, she shockingly said, “Let’s have my tongue be the test.  If my tongue can’t feel it, then it ain’t there.”  And with that she proceeding to go down on me!

I mentioned before that I have always been attracted to Donna.  She told me she had never been with another woman before.  I had several experiences during my college daze, I mean, days.   Anyway, she professed just not being interested in women – so it came as a shock to me, but a pleasurable one.  The guys clearly enjoyed the extra show.  My waxing apparently was just the warm up act.

Donna stayed down on me all the way through climax.  Sorry for not giving a blow by blow, or in this case, a lick by lick, but this post is getting long and I still have much more to share.  Suffice to say Donna has to be the best waxer on this planet!

More to Come/Cum?
Afterwards she did give me a little kiss as she got up and said, “Yep, clean as whistle.  Anyone doubt that?”

My mind raced for moment. It was like she was inviting either Mike or John to check – with their tongues.  I’ve shared before that Mike and I have had sex in the same room with John and Donna having sex, but we have never swapped.  The closest was that John did feel my breasts before and Mike has felt Donna’s, but it was more of a curiosity, clinical type feel than a sexual one.    Mike said, “I’ll take your word for it Donna but if I find a stray hair tonight, we’ll be back.”   With that, Mike turned to John.  It was if Mike was giving him permission to do his own check.

I was ready (and I am ready) to submit to whatever Mike allows.  As I think back on it, it is interesting that I never thought about this could mean John would be going down on me, or that this was clearly a big time sexual act that I would be doing with someone other than Mike.  I remember thinking, “I am game if Mike is game.”  My mind was focused on pleasing Mike and submitting to whatever he wanted me to submit to.  Period.

Now, the tormentor in me wants to end this post here and leave you with a cliffhanger.  I would do that if I had something salacious to end with.  However, it was not to be.  John simply said, “I’ll take Donna’s word for it as well.”

Post Script
Mike asked me later what I would have done if John wanted to “check” for himself.  I told Mike I would have responded in any way Mike wanted.  If he did not object, I would not object.  So naturally, I asked him the same question.  Mike said he probably would have let him go down on me.

Our discussion led to his blunt question of, “Do you want us to have sex with them?”  I answered as any good submissive would, but more importantly, I really meant it.  I am perfectly fine with us doing that if he wants that experience for us.  I have no reservations or hesitations.  I love the idea of it, but idea and action are two different things as Mike and I have mentioned many times before when sharing our sexual fantasies.  I am willing to go through with it if I knew he wanted that.  I told him my submission to him is total, as is my commitment and love.  Nothing would change that, and if we did this and he decided never to do it again, so be it.  Of course we may find we really enjoy it.  Either way, I would have no ill feelings about it.  It may seem nonchalant, but, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Mike didn’t want a “submissive” answer and he kept pressing.  I then told him yes, I would be willing to do this not IF he would enjoy it but because I think it IS something he would enjoy and I will enjoy it primarily because of that.  In addition, we both love sex and I know we both will enjoy anything that “gets us off” sexually as long as we are in it together.  I told him my bigger concern is whether it is what John and Donna would want, especially Donna.  I wouldn’t want her to have to just go along with it.  As wild as John and Donna are together (way wilder than Mike and I), that doesn’t mean this would be their thing.  However, both Mike and I agree the sexual atmosphere when we are with them is always teasing at us and it seems inevitable that we will end up doing much more with them.  Mike said we needed to have this blunt talk with them.  Mike is going to talk to John and I will talk with Donna.  We’ll see where that leads.

Given what has already happened, I don’t believe this will be like the Olympics such that this opportunity will only present itself once every four years!   Konnichiwa!

Next:  52. The Spanking that Keeps Giving

48. Birth of a Dom. Backstory.

This post belongs with the post “47. Birth of a Dom.”   You should read that one up to the point it links you to this post, prior to reading this one.     

Here is an example of events from the last two days living under my Attitude Adjustment.

We woke up.  He and I exchanged “good mornings” and he immediately corrected me.   “It’s good morning, Sir.   That will be an Immediate Reward.  Stay where you are.” (Which was in bed, on my belly, and already naked).   He got up and pulled the covers off.  I didn’t count but figure he gave me about 25 and they were very firm ones by hand.   Per our Contract, Immediate Rewards are delivered quickly and without warm ups.  He then asks me why I received the Reward and I replied, “I forgot to say ‘Sir’, Sir.”

With that he gave me about another 25 very firm ones, again by hand.  This is all keeping with how Immediate Rewards are administered per the Contract.  Spanking, state the reasons for it, then final spanking.  There was appropriate after care and that was that.

Then it was on to the Calisthenics of Doom
As per our morning ritual under our “Attitude Adjustment” period, I got out of bed and immediately dropped to the floor into “push-up” position ready to receive another spanking.  However, Mike had a twist.  Normally the “push up” spankings are where I am in the push up position while he spanks me, I don’t actually do push-ups.  If my knees touch, the spanking starts over.  This time he told me I had to actually do a push up between spankings.  I am not in the greatest shape, plus I am getting spanked, so 10 is not that easy for me, especially when he is spanking me slowly and I have to hold the position a long time.  He used his belt.  The first time I got to 7 and then barely touched the floor with a knee.  The second time and third time I only got to 5.  After that my arms were getting tired.  I only made it to four, then to just three.  That’s 24 spankings!   He said I would get another 24 since I couldn’t finish.  He had me get up and bend over and hold my ankles.  If I let go, the 24 would start over.  This time he used the new 12’ oak paddle with holes and was striking fairly firmly and rapidly.

This paddle is not too bad but he was doing them quickly so the stings rapidly multiplied, and keep in mind I already received 50 by hand and 24 with the belt.  I had to use our safe word to take a pause a little more than half-way through.  I regained myself and made it through the rest without incident.  He said that each morning would be like this until I could make it through the 10 push-ups.  Suffice to say, I willed myself through all 10 push-ups every day since.

Once the push-ups were done, it was on to the Jumping Jacks.  This is where he puts these nipple clamps on me that are a little heavy and I have to do 10 jumping jacks in a row.  The jumping jacks will stop if I can’t make it to 10, but then I earn 10 spankings for every jumping jack I didn’t do.  I have never made it past 5 before as the heavy clamps are just too much.    Anyway, after already being spanked very firmly 98 times now, I was going to try my best to get all the way to 10.  I made it to 8, a personal best, before I just had to put my arms down and grab my bend over from the pain.  Mike then told me to bend over and rest my elbows on the bed to, “Get the 20 I owed him.”   A term he hadn’t used before.   This time he used a rubber paddle, that is sort of half-way like a wooden paddle and half-way like a strap, but the texture seems to have more of a bite as it always makes me a bit raw.

That’s 118 spankings to start the morning.  That got the heart pumping and blood flowing better than a triple expresso, with the added pain/pleasure of my ass pulsating throughout breakfast.

Once the calisthenics were done, I got up and immediately got out the tack bra and put it on, as expected of me during this Attitude Adjustment period.

Now let me digress a bit about the bra. . .

I’ll get back to the experience that morning in a moment, but first want to relate what happened the day before regarding the bra.  After several inspections of my breasts upon removing the bra, Mike decided they weren’t poking me enough.  I would have little red dots here and there, and a few light scratches here and there, but he felt that didn’t reflect a very high level of discomfort.  Hate to admit it, but he was right.  While I was always feeling their presence, they only a minor nuisance except for an occasional poke when I would reach up, or bend a certain way, or if something pressed up against my chest.  The tacks were not in very firmly so there was some give to them.   While that was good from a poking perspective, it did mean they would sometimes shift to the side and scrape instead of poke.  They did actually stick me sometimes where I have pull them out, but they don’t go deep.  I never drew blood.

After his inspection Mike added 10 more tacks to each cup, making it 45 in each and even carefully lined some up to come out at around my nipples – an area I had purposely avoided putting any.  Once he made the adjustment I found it was just too much on my sensitive nipples and one was really sticking one of my nipples.  My dilemma was what to say to him.  While I can’t complain, I am compelled to be honest and to share what I am feeling, so, with that I said as matter-of-factly as possible,

“Sir, while they can stay if you want them do, the tacks near my nipples are proving challenging.   I think my reaction when they poke or scrape will cause our son to ask more questions, and they also may prevent me from doing certain tasks without serious injury.”

There.  I said it without asking him anything or complaining.  Just the facts!  He then gave me a choice.

“Okay Jen, you can adjust them, but first, come here.”

He looked me straight in the eyes as his hands went up my shirt and over my bra.  He firmly squeezed and said, “Count to 10.”

I was shocked as this seemed unnecessary and mean.  I already said they were hard to deal with and I had not even had it on for very long.  Now he presses them into me?

I didn’t argue and started counting.

Once to 10 he said, “Okay, take it off and make your adjustments.”

I took off my shirt and as I removed my bra, there were several that had pierced my skin, enough that when I let go of the bra it stayed pinned to my tits.  He watched as a plucked the three or four that had penetrated each breast and then casually said, “Make your adjustments and get it back on.”

This really shocked me as it seemed punitive and mean.  Had this been prior to our argument I know I would have said something.  I again did my best to dismiss the increasing thoughts I was having that he was just being mean and he must be angry at something.  Despite those feelings I didn’t say anything other than, “Yes, Sir.”

Okay, back to the morning experience.

I put on the bra and we went about our morning routine.  Our son was still asleep so it was just Mike and I that were awake.  I had just made some eggs and was walking the plate over to the table when Mike walked in the kitchen.  Suddenly he took my wrist and walked me to our bathroom.  He had never grabbed me in such a way before.   He had me pull down my pants as he grabbed the hairbrush and gave me 20 quick ones.  It was another Immediate Reward.  ? ? ?   I am supposed to state what I did wrong, but honestly I didn’t know.  That meant another 20 quick ones.  Then Mike explained I had left egg shells in the sink.  I rudely told him that I hadn’t started cleaning yet.

He then told me to bend over and he gave me another 20 quick ones.  At least I was able to explain why.

“I should not have talked back, Sir.”

He lectured and said I am not to create extra work and the moment I put the eggs in the sink I should have made sure they were down the drain and not left them behind for even a minute later.  He then gave me 20 more as the end of the Immediate Reward for the egg shell issue, and then gave me 20 more as the end of the Immediate Reward for talking back.  That’s right, it was 100 with the hairbrush.  I already had 118 to start the morning.  I got the normal aftercare and “all is forgiven” and then he went to have his breakfast.

I was dumfounded, and my ass was sore.  218 in about a thirty minute period is a lot for me, and all of them were very firm ones.  I felt like crying because by this time my suspicions that he was mad were no longer just suspicions.  He had to be mad at me and he had never given punishments before in anger.

When he left for work, it was only about 10 minutes to 8:00.  As part of my “Adjustment,” once he is ready to leave for work I can remove my bra and he will put clips on my nipples.  I have a small, somewhat discreet pair that hide well under the right clothing.  They have a little screw mechanism that tightens or loosens the pinch they can deliver.   When Mike said he was about ready to leave it was my cue to go to the bedroom and remove my shirt and bra and have the clamps in my hand ready to give to Mike.  Mike came in and put the clamps on and gave them a couple of extra twists so they were really tight.  He said, “Since they only have to be on for 10 minutes, they should be extra snug.”   Then he kissed me goodbye and left for work.

I was tempted to loosen them.  Not because it was unbearable, but I felt the entire morning was full of anger and spite on his part, so in spite I should loosen them, or even just remove them.  But I didn’t.  Despite what I was feeling, enough of me was still saying to trust Mike and stick with the program.

I set my alarm on my phone to go off every hour so I can add/remove whatever is required.  I am also required to text Mike with simply, “Made the change.”  Mike did check up on my sometimes, requiring me to Facetime with him and show him that yes, I made the change.  While Mike never set a strict time, he did say that I was not to ever swap items early and could deviate by being late by no more than a “few minutes.”   Other than any Facetime check-in’s this was the honor system, but our DD requires me to be honest, and I am committed to being honest.

That afternoon I had some errands to run and had my son with me.  I was out for a few hours and it was kind of comical as it came time to swap something out.  Finding a restroom is easy enough, but sometimes timing things would be a challenge.  If I had to be in a line that I could tell could take 10 minutes, but only had 5 until “changing” time, do I risk it?  Nope, I’d find some reason to putter around for another five minutes, then have to find the restroom, then got in line.  I had to tell my son my tummy was a bit upset, thus the many bathroom breaks.  I had already told him that my occasional flinch or shriek from the tacks was due to a sore back that would twinge when I moved just right.  Oh the things we have to tell our kids in order to live our DD lifestyle!

So it was about 3:45 and I was ready to head home.  I was about maybe 10 minutes from home, 15 max, so I felt like I could make it home by the 4pm “change.”  It was either that or wait around 15 minutes, find a bathroom, and then leave for home.  I had enough of that and I knew I could make it, so I headed home.

Damn traffic!

There was a stop light that was malfunctioning that caused traffic to back up.  When I got home I rushed to my room and took the clamps off and got my plug in and looked at the time, 4:12.  Not too bad.

I texted Mike, “Change made.”

He texted back, “Coming home now.”

I wasn’t sure if that was in response to me being late, or he was just letting me know he was getting off early.  Given the events of the morning, I was reading anger into his text, so suspected it was the former, not the latter.

When he got home he greeting me and our son as usual.  Some relief on my part, until he whispered in my ear, “You need to go to your room.  I want you naked and kneeling in corner. Lock the door and get up only to let me in.”

When our son is home I don’t undress while waiting for Mike to come to the room to give me a spanking.  This is in case our son happens to walk in the room while I am waiting.   Once Mike is in the room I will disrobe as we will have locked the door.  This was different.  By itself no big deal, but again, it just seemed like he was looking for ways to be mean and mess with routine.

He knocked on the door and I got up and let him in.

He said, “Back to the corner.”

“Yes, Sir,” I responded.

He got out of his work clothes then came out and said 12 minutes late was not acceptable.  At this point I was frustrated with the entire day’s events and had to say something.  I knew I shouldn’t try to make excuses for being late, so I instead just simply said, “Sir, what’s wrong, you seem angry?”

He called me over from the corner and said, “I am not angry, I would never punish you in anger.  Now you know you are not to speak when you are in the corner and you are not to question a punishment.  You have your Maintenance Session on Sunday where you can ask for clarification.   Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir,” I responded.

“Do you know why you are receiving this Reward,” he asked?

“Yes, Sir, I was late taking the clamps off and putting the plug in.  And I talked while I was in the corner.”

“Correct, that’s two Rewards.  Get the Prison Strap,” he ordered.

He had me lay on my stomach on the bed.   He said these were going to be very hard ones but would just be five.   He went and turned the shower on and the TV on in our room to help muffle the noise.  Thus far we’ve been able to execute all Rewards without raising questions from our son about noise.

While my ass was no longer pulsating for the 218 from the morning, it was still very sensitive.   The first whack caused me to bury my face deep into a pillow, and the second one caused me to scream into the pillow.  Yes, there was pain, but despite what Mike said, I still felt these were angry spankings.  Along with the pain was worry and yes, for the first time ever, a bit of fear.

I got through the five but was crying quite heavily.   Mike told me to stay in the room, get the Wand and masturbate, then shower and relax.  He was going to take our son with him to go pick up dinner and bring it home so I wouldn’t have to cook.

While not having to cook was a nice gesture, I wasn’t in a masturbating mood, but girls, that changes almost instantly when you touch that wonderful wand to your clit.   As lovely as climaxing is, and as relaxing as the shower was, I was still worried about Mike’s behavior.

That evening we had our dinner and I got our son to bed.  When I got out to the living room Mike immediately tells me to go to my room, get naked, and wait for him kneeling in the corner.   I thought, but didn’t say it, “WTF, what now?”   I went to the room, disrobed, and stood in the corner.  He kept me waiting for thirty minutes.

I let him in the room and went back to my corner to await instructions.  He didn’t say anything.  He went to use the bathroom then came out and turned on the TV and watched for another fifteen minutes or so.   My knees were hurting as our hard floors are not ideal for extended kneeling.

Finally he turns off the TV and calls me over.  He didn’t ask me why I was about to be punished, as he clearly knew I had no clue.

He said, “Since I’ve been home you’ve been sulking. Your blank stares and expressionless responses to things are displeasing to me.  No doubt you are aware, as I am sure your ass is fully aware as well, that I have been strict lately.  Did you think I would let that sulking go unpunished?”

“No, sir,” I replied.

“Well, I will let it go.  I will make this one last exception.  Let me explain.”

? ? ? I was perplexed? ? ?

Return to 47. Birth of Dom

NEXT: 49. Revealing More

46. Reflections: Service, Submission, Brass Tacks, and Colonel Jessup?

This is one of those self-reflecting posts; however, for those that like to hear stories of submission, there is something in it for you as well.   Lastly, if you are a fan of a Few Good Men, the next time you watch it I hope you remember reading this post and it puts an extra smile on your face.

Reflecting on the Argument
Wow, three straight days of posting.  That’s unusual but is due to a combination of less hectic demands of the day and better organization on my part.

While all is forgiven regarding the Argument, I still need to understand what led to it so as not to repeat it.  I am not dwelling on it from the perspective a negative emotion like guilt or shame.  I am reflecting on it to seek a greater understanding for the triggers that led to my behavior.

Thank you jadescastle!
I have to thank jadescastle for her comments that rang very true to me.  She thought perhaps it was a combination of vulnerability and anger that compromised my coping skills.  I believe that was a big part of it.   The lack of control over my son’s injury along with the challenges in dealing with his compounded needs certainly had me in a vulnerable state.  No system, DD or otherwise, is a guarantee that you won’t be emotionally vulnerable from time to time.  I just didn’t recognize it because until then, a situation like this hadn’t occurred since we began our DD.  I believe now I will be more sensitive to recognizing the early signs and avoid a recurrence of what happened.

I also believe part of it was that I was sensing the distance that I was getting from our DD and it made me anxious.  I enjoy our DD.  I want our DD.  I need our DD.  (Said in my head with the intensity of Colonel Jessup).   In fact, that inspired me to modify his monologue.  It would be my message to anyone who finds anything to do with DD abhorrent and who feels entitled for me to explain myself:

You can’t handle the truth!  Women live in a world that has challenges, and we can get help with those challenges from our men.  Who else is gonna’ do it?  You?  I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom.  You weep for my DD and you curse our methods.  You have that luxury of not knowing what I know.  Our DD, while at times uncomfortable, improves our lives.  And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, improves our lives.  You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties you want some DD, you need some DD.  We use words like Duties, Obligations, and Rewards.  We use these words as the backbone of our lifestyle.  You use them as a punchline.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to someone who has no idea as to the fulfillment, nurturing and love I receive and provide, and then question the manner in which I receive and provide it.   I would rather you just said “good for you,” and went on your way.  Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a paddle and stand ready to receive it.  Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Okay, I digress.  Back to the issue at hand.   Although I sensed the distance, I told myself I could handle it and it was temporary and I would “close the gap” soon enough on my own.   Thus I resisted when Mike forced the issue.

One major “doh!” moment was courtesy of another comment from jadescastle, pointing out I could clean/cook while on the phone.  I feel like I am not as good of a listener when I multi-task, but, given my top commitments are to my family, it would have been an easy and preferred trade-off versus ignoring my duties.

Lastly, jadescastle mentioned something about “not prioritizing over his needs.”  That statement really hit home as it reminded me that serving him is what gives me tremendous pleasure, more pleasure than helping my niece, more pleasure than anything else.

“Serving him” was not what I originally intended with our DD, but I get tremendous joy in doing so and I momentarily forgot that.  I’ve learned I really love submission.  In fact, I have come to think of what we do not as Domestic Discipline, but as Service and Submission.  If SS was an understood and accepted term, that is what I would call our DD going forward.

As such, I asked Mike for something.  I asked him for a Reward that could be considered an overall “attitude adjustment.”   Things that would remind me and demonstrate my love for serving him and my willingness to submit to him.

Mike came up with some things which we implemented yesterday.  We will review them at our next Maintenance Session to discuss what, if anything, will continue.  I call these my Service and Submission Reminders as the purpose of this exercise is to get me refocused on my desire to serve and submit.

Mike came up with two of what he calls “Behavioral” Reminders:

  1.  Mike leads:  He will lead me when we are out in public. I will walk a step behind him and he will hold my wrist, not my hand.   I don’t think people pay that much attention, but if they do, the visual is clear – he is leading me.
  2. I do not speak:  In any interaction with others, I will not speak until given permission, which may be verbal or a head nod from Mike. We did this during our M/s immersion.  It is awkward and uncomfortable, but I think of it as a game.  I like to see the reaction it gets when someone asks me something and I look to Mike and he either answers it or nods his head to allow me to speak.  And when I do speak, more often than not the answer is, “Whatever pleases him.”

He then came up with two of what he calls “Physical” Reminders:

  1. Daily physical challenge: Mike had me make a Tack Bra. It took some trial and error, but I had a bra that turned out to be perfect for this.  It had just enough padding and material so the tacks held snug yet still left enough of the tip out to provide the right amount of poke.  There are 35 tacks in each cup.  While absolutely uncomfortable, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.  It definitely serves as a constant reminder of my service.  Certain movements will give me a scrape or poke.  I had to explain my occasional teeth gritting or mild groan to my son.  I had to tell him my back was hurting a little and if I twisted just right it would give me a sharp pain.
    So, here is my daily routine for the near future:
    – Each morning we start with the Calisthenics of Doom. 10 jumping jacks and 10 swats in push up position.  And if you read the post out these “exercises” you’ll know that the 10 jumping jacks could come with 50+ swats depending on how well I do.  Definitely gets your blood pumping first thing in the morning.  Better than any caffeine!
    – I put on my tack bra and do not take it off until he is ready to leave or start work (sometimes he works from home).  At that time he will affix clamps to my nipples to the pressure of his liking and I am to leave them until the top of the current hour.  At that time I remove the clamps and now have to insert and keep an anal plug in for one hour.  I then remove it and wait an hour before starting over with the bra.  The process repeats until Mike gets home from work.  If he isn’t working from home he can face time me any time during the day to check on my adherence.   The times work out something like this:  6:30am calisthenics of doom, bra on immediately following the calisthenics, so from about 6:50-7:30, maybe 7:45am.  Clamps on until 8:00am, plug in from 8am-9am.  9-10am break.  10-11am bra, 11-12pm clamps, 12-1pm plug, 1-2pm break.  2-3pm bra, 3-4pm clamps, 4-5pm plug.  5pm bra ,and then Mike is typically home or done with work about 5:30.  He said typically I will keep the tack bra on until after dinner and then can remove it until our son is asleep.
    I must adhere to this even when I go out during the day, so I have to take my “supplies” with me.   A lot more trips to bathrooms than usual so I can swap items out!
  2.  Bare Down There!:   We got a sitter for Friday and are going over to John and Donna’s. Mike picked up a Brazilian Waxing kit.  It is supposedly a very good one and he bought a wax warmer so we don’t accidentally burn anything precious!   He and John are going to watch Donna give me a wax.  I’ve never been fully bare.  The thought of not having a trained professional doing the waxing concerns me a bit.  Donna and I watched some videos this morning so hopefully we know what we are doing.

Also borrowing from our M/s experiment, Mike is enforcing a strict bedtime for me as I haven’t been sleeping as much as I should.   This is something I actually love.  Good rest is definitely a reward!  I should be going to sleep earlier but it is something I would never do unless Mike tells me.   Last night I went to bed about 8:30 with instructions to journal, masturbate to climax, then go to bed.  I am to sleep naked and when Mike gets to bed he might wake me for sex, it is up to him.  Last night I was asleep by 9:15.  It was wonderful, and yes, he did wake me for sex.

Overall, the argument was a good thing.  It made me appreciate what I have with Mike and have an even greater appreciation for sticking with our DD.   Best yet, it made me full recognize and acknowledge to myself that service and submission is what completes me.

NEXT:  47. Birth of a Dom