Tag Archives: rules

94. Kayla’s Contract. Defining her submission.

dsk
Kayla is working on a D/s contract. We felt she should write her own. She likes the framework of mine and it will have a lot of similarities, but will be modified to her needs and desires. Of course, we all know a contract is not binding, but it is the best tool to demonstrate commitment, and the second best tool for communicating and maintaining expectations. The best tool for that is, of course, old fashion talking!

EXPRESSING
No, this isn’t about some Hucow fetish, not that there is anything wrong with that.  This is about expressing feelings.  Sharing her feelings is going to be critical. I can tell it will be hard for her to truly identify what she is feeling. It may take some intense questioning/pushing in order to get her to identify the “true” feelings.  One way we will support this is that she is encouraged to ask me lots of questions, even to politely express her disagreement with anything, including me. With Mike, her questioning of his decisions, requests, or statements are reserved for Maintenance Sessions, just like for me – however, instead of weekly, her sessions will more frequent.

We all agreed that Kayla does enough suppressing of her emotions that we felt having to wait for a once a week session would be counterproductive. Kayla suggested “Immediate Maintenance” session that either she or Mike could call. Sort of like, “I need to express myself now, but want to respect the moment and not simply blurt out in anger.” Having a formal maintenance session, even an impromptu one, provides the best atmosphere for sharing. These “Immediate” sessions would have much of the pomp and circumstances of a weekly meeting, including a spanking. In addition, she would still be a normal weekly Maintenance Session. We might call these Immediate Sessions something else – still working on the details of that.

One other way we are supporting this is that at any time she may be questioned on what she is feeling in that moment.  She needs to quickly articulate it and possibly be pressed further to confirm or change her answer.  This could be very frustrating for her as she is used to answering, “Fine” to most questions about her feelings.

TERM
We talked about making the initial term of the contract 90 days. I feel setting a term is more about making a commitment to yourself.  From my personal experience it helped me not give up too quickly early on if I had a bad day or two.  Understanding that there is this end point helps give you strength to see the tough days through.  Of course, nothing keeps any of us from us walking away at any time, but writing it down in a contract makes you more committed.   I know I learned a lot after my first three months and being able to “renegotiate” was helpful in keeping my DD on track until Mike and I better settled into a routine.

KAYLA’S SUBMISSION TO ME
Surprise! She does what to be submissive to me. We talked about various concerns with that. I believe there is a chance she can feel overwhelmed submitting to both of us.  And it could be hard on us.  It is difficult enough for Mike to learn how to best be her Dom, and now I am put in that position as well?   Consistency? Duplication?  Lots of concerns there.

We ultimately agreed that she will always respond to me with a “Yes Ma’am” or a “No Ma’am,” but my punishing her would be limited. We agreed that I would be responsible for Immediate Rewards if Mike was not around.  Mike will address any transgressions that doesn’t require an immediate action. Also, as previously stated, she is able to question me more (still respectfully).

While this works for Kayla, I am a bit concerned that this can get me out of my submissive head space. I am not sure if it will, but I recognize the risk is there. We will just have to see. I am willing to give it a try and frankly, the thought of being a bit Dom intrigues me.

KAYLA’S DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS
Kayla also wants similar “Duties and Obligations” regarding honesty, obedience, self-care, and safety. The M/s community often refers to the 4 D’s of Dishonesty, Disobedience, Danger, and Disrespect. I wanted to flip them to their positives of Honesty, Obedience, etc. It just sounds more positive! She wants to word her a bit differently, as she does have different obligations regarding school, etc., but she is keeping the same headings. Sounds good!

She is putting in a lot more rules than I have. For instance, keeping her room clean is good enough for us, but she wanted lots of specifics as to what it means. She said she gets a thrill thinking about having to focus on little details. She feels that focusing on and accomplishing her duties and obligations is a huge thrill, so having more of them will give her a bigger thrill. Of course, it also means more opportunities to be punished, but she said she is okay with that.

She says doesn’t have false expectations of never failing.   I wasn’t so sure at first. I don’t want her to take on too much. There have been days, especially early on in this lifestyle, that I felt a bit defeated. I know there will be days like that for her. I want her to be prepared and be equipped to shake those days off.   We spent a lot of time discussing this and ultimately I think she is going in with the right expectations.

We talked about the Sexual Obedience part of my contract. You would think that this shy, self-conscious young woman would wilt under the discussion of sex, but other than needing a bit of extra prying and encouragement, she is comfortable talking about it. Partly because we’ve talked about sexual things before, but not in this detail or context.   Ultimately, while Mike has full discretion in requesting any sexual act to be performed on or by me, Kayla wanted some limits. As it pertains to Mike and I being the ones performing “on or by her,” she was fine with full discretion for Mike. Otherwise, Mike can ask if she wants to partake (or be partaken – is that a word?), and she is free to decline.  I am happy she put some limits on this. I would be worried if she was just accepting everything. It tells me she is giving it some thought.

PUNISHMENTS
She plans to have similar “rewards” such as Immediate, Deferred, and Escalated.   She did have one request that I feel also shows she was giving this a lot of thought. She wants any spankings during maintenance sessions to only be by hand. I think she recognizes that hand spankings are a bit more intimate and the thought of that makes her feel good.

We talked about getting some new implements (as well as toys), sort of “hers, hers, and ours” where some could be used on/by both of us, and others were just for one of us.   Not quite an XXX-mas in July, in fact, more like a Merry XXXmas! There is some fun shopping ahead. We spent some time perusing some sex toys online. This was another great bonding experience with all of us sharing what did and did not look appealing to us. Suffice to say, our tastes were not that different, except she definitely likes the idea of handcuffs, ropes, and restraints way more than I do.

RECAP
Later in the day when we were recounting the events of when Mike asked her to undress, Kayla shared that while she was a bit shocked, she also got this “good” nervousness in her belly and nether-regions. She said she really looks forward to being submissive. She is excited about getting spanked but also worried about just how much it might hurt. She expressed concern about “not being able to take it.” We both reassured her that she should never hesitate with a safe word and she does not let anyone down if she needs to cut a punishment short. She even asked a couple of times that day if Mike was going to spank her as she would forget to call him Sir. Mike finally had to sternly tell her that there would be no spankings today. Her nakedness and inspection was enough submission for now. Mike is really letting the tension of thinking about a spanking build up inside her. I thought not spanking her that day was a bit unfair given how Kayla is. I think she would have benefited from a firm spanking right there, even for no particular reason. But I also know it will make her first spanking all the more memorable.

Until then!

Next: 95.  Much ado about. . . spanking

87. And there it was.

This post shares a very cathartic moment in my life.   Sorry for the length of the post, but I felt it was important to detail each step that led to the catharsis because perhaps it wouldn’t have been possible if not for the events that led up to it.

I mentioned that with John away, at times John required Donna to be subject to all my “house” rules regarding submission, and at other times had her adhere to her own usual rules, with Mike serving in place of John in the execution of those rules.

DONNA’S INTENSE MONTHLY MAINTENANCE
John and Donna have a routine of an intense monthly maintenance at the first of each month.  I’ve mentioned before that John and Donna are a bit more BDSM in TTWD than Mike and I.  Donna looks forward to these sessions, counting down the days as a month draws to a close.  She said the intensity of them was like an “emotional dump” of all her negative feelings and anxieties.  She said she was really looking forward to November’s session to purge away any remaining negative feelings that linger regarding her having to follow my rules.

While I accept that pain can do that for her and for other people, it doesn’t quite do that for me.  At best I enjoy the pain of my punishments, and at worst, I simply tolerate them.  While the pain does give me a release, I find plenty of release from a moderate amount of pain, thus no need to intensify it.  I also find release simply in the act of submission, even when no pain is involved.   Thus, while I can relate to a sense of purging negative emotions through pain, for me if the punishment gets intense it doesn’t take long for that purge to cross over into just plain old intolerable and unacceptable pain.  I guess I am just not wired to find pleasure that way, just as I am sure many women are not wired to find pleasure in any one of my punishments that I enjoy.   In any event, I am happy for Donna that she enjoys this and finds it beneficial.

Each session they focus on different parts of the body.  This month it was her breasts.  Donna told me this was her favorite because she bruises the most and the tenderness lasts the longest compared to any other body part.  She said the visual and physical reminders that last for several weeks serve as reminders of her submission, giving her joy for those several weeks.

MIKE PERFORMS DONNA’S BREAST PUNISHMENT
As John was out on November 1, Mike had to administer her punishment.  Mike and Donna went over to her house to perform this while John skyped in to watch.  I wasn’t there as I stayed home with our son.

When Mike and Donna returned I just had to see what her tits looked like.  Donna showed me and for a brief moment I was shocked.  I was shocked with the extent of the bruising that was already apparent, shocked that Donna enjoyed this and looked forward to this, and shocked that Mike was responsible for delivering it.

The shock lasted only a few seconds.  My next reaction was that her breasts looked beautiful.  Beautiful because what it represented to her, not because what they represented to me.  I knew to her these were important symbols of her submission and made her feel complete, feel renewed, feel invigorated, and feel connected to John.   It also made me think, “I want that.”

I wondered if I would like a similar maintenance session?   Part of me wanted to submit to Mike in that way, but boy, it really looks like it hurt!  I don’t know if that is really for me.  There was still a part of me that wanted to give it a try

My breast punishments are mostly my nipple clamps, breast bindings, and tack bra.   There’s been some breast punishment but nothing too harsh or prolonged.  For some odd reason I wanted to see what level of pain would have to be inflicted in order for me to bruise.  I’ve never thought that way before about a punishment.  The goal has never been to inflict a given mark.  Sure, marks have happened, but not because they were the ultimate goal.   What kind of punishment would it be where I would be asking for a bruise?   I just couldn’t see asking for this, it was so different than any punishment.   It seemed contrary to what DD means to me.

However, part of DD is also to be open to exploration.  Explore my thoughts through sharing every thought with Mike, explore my sexuality through being open to act on my fantasies and Mike’s, and explore my boundaries regarding everything.  Thus, I could approach this outside any punishment or maintenance session and simply look at it as an experiment in testing boundaries.   So, I asked Mike if he would be willing to perform a similar punishment on me.

Mike asked me if I was wanting this out of any sense of jealously for him administering the punishment to Donna.  Wow, honestly, that never crossed my mind.  I told him I knew that it was important to Donna to stick as close to her routine as possible and I am happy I had a husband who was willing to help in doing that.  I felt a sense of pride that our DD was able to accommodate what Donna needed and that it served to further connect us with John and Donna.

Mike agreed to give me a similar session, but wanted to build the tension and anticipation and said it would be part of our maintenance session on Sunday (which is today).   In just the course of six days I saw Donna’s breasts go from the blue, to deep purple, and then to purple-yellow splotches as some of the bruising began to heal.  It made me anxious as Sunday drew near.  Could I really take it?

MY BREAST PUNISHMENT
We had my “normal” maintenance session and then Mike called Donna in to watch the “Maintenance Bonus” as we called it.  Mike got a wooden spoon to use as that is what he used on Donna.   He had me lay down on the bed and he got on his knees next to me on the bed.  He then proceeded to hit one breast four times in rapid succession, then the other.  It made me flinch something fierce but more out of an uncontrolled reflex than intolerable pain.   He had to put one arm just below my breast to help keep me in place and then gave four or five to each breast in rapid succession.   He then said that was just a warm up.

With quite a bit of force he hit one breast.  I had to grab the pillow and bury my head in it to muffle my moan.  He then hit the other.  Then again but this time two times per breast, then again but three times.  I then called, “Pause, pause, pause!!”  Our “yellow” safe word.

After I collected myself he resumed.  He did one per breast, followed by two per, then three, then four, then five, but before he could finish with the five I again called for “Pause.”  My face buried deeper into the pillows.  He asked me if I needed to stop.  He reminded me this was not a punishment, he is ready to stop whenever I am and that I don’t have to endure what Donna did.

For some reason I was at a point where I was telling myself I needed to find my pain threshold and that it was no longer about submission or fulfillment or pleasure or purging.  It was simply a battle with my will to endure pain and I wanted to challenge that will.

I told him to continue.  He repeated the one per, two per, three per, and got all the way through to five per breast.  I was crying, it hurt like hell.

I asked him how much more.   He said that maybe he was about a fourth of the way through.  That meant I had to endure everything I have already endured yet another three times.  I knew then that I was not going to make it through that, but I felt I came this far and that I could take just a little more.  I told myself I would never go down this path again as it was all just surreal and not like me, but that since I was here, I might as well push it as far as I could take it and I wasn’t quite there yet.

Mike started up again.  I don’t know how far he got but I soon called out “Mercy” (our “red” safe word).
It was over.

Many punishments come with a hodgepodge of emotions, but this one was different.  The pain overrode any joy and soon I started feeling ashamed.  Although Mike and Donna can’t read my feeling of shame, it then turned to embarrassed for feeling shameful.   I felt ridiculous.   Why did I ask for this?

AND THERE IT WAS!
Jealousy can come with an entourage of associates.  This allows it to hide more easily.   And even at that moment, while I recognized its’ presence, it had yet to fully reveal itself to me.

First, I saw that I was indeed jealous that Mike punished Donna.  Not in the act itself, but in that it was something so special, almost sacred, to Donna.  I then realized this was the second time in just a few weeks that I let jealousy and resentment cloud my judgement.  First in dealing with Kayla, then in dealing with this situation.

I should have listened to Mike when he questioned my feeling of jealously.  I should have explored that feeling more and perhaps I would have recognized it then.  I tend not to be a jealous person, so Mike wouldn’t have known to question me further and thus accepted my word.  I now shared with him that I need him to be more doubtful of my intentions when it comes to potential jealously, as for some reason I have become more prone to that emotion lately.

I apologized to Mike and to Donna for feeling jealous, and that I do want Mike to fill in for John while he is away and that I don’t want anything to change.  I told them I don’t sense the root of this has anything to do with TTWD or with TTWDWT (Those Things We Do With Them, hee hee, as in, with John and Donna). In fact, it then quickly came to me what the issue was.  Jealously had finally fully revealed itself.

JEALOUSLY FULLY REVEALED
I was feeling resentment towards the needs of my son.  I hate that about myself.  I love him dearly and will do anything to help him without hesitation.  But, I feel a bit jealous as I get closer to Kayla and see that she has so few constraints to her life day to day.  Then, with all the time spent with Donna and getting closer to her than ever, I realize that she too has far fewer responsibilities than I do.  Then there is the prognosis that this won’t ever change.  My son is likely to live with us for the rest of our lives.

It makes me feel horrible to resent that fact.  I’ve never felt that before.  I never had a sense of “why me” and accepted my lot in life without doubts or hesitation and always strive to look on the bright side and make the most out of every day.  However, this mindset has eroded as I got closer to Kayla and Donna.

Part of me feels like if I just stop being close to them I can make those feelings go away.   Another part of me says that doing that will create more resentment, not less.  Kayla and Donna are important to me.  Granted, not more important than my son, but if I forgo having other meaningful relationships in my life, the net effect can’t be positive for me or my son.   I’ve just got to get over feeling resentful that my friends, no matter how close they are, don’t share my burdens.

I feel stupid for even having to say that.  It is so contrary to how I normally think and function.  But, it is the truth and I have to accept it and address it.   I am a glass is half-full type person, so it further bums me out that I seem to be looking at this from the half-empty point of view.   I know I will work through this, and not only have Mike to lean on for support, but can also talk through this with Donna and Kayla.

I guess this pain thing actually led me to find clarity in what I was feeling and why.  !?!?!

Next: 88.  Something True.

85. Bright or Dark? Source of Submission.

lite

If you read my last few posts (82 or 84), you know that Donna is staying with us while John is out of the country on business.  The first part of last week was hard on Donna as John required her to be subject to all my rules, and only my rules.  Having to forsake her normal routine and acts of submission was emotionally difficult.   She enjoyed the later part of the week and the weekend as John required her to only follow her normal rules, with Mike filling in for John.

Direction, Discipline, and Service.
I’ve always known John and Donna follow a different D/s relationship compared to Mike and me.  Donna really enjoys, craves, and is fulfilled by direction, discipline, and service. As for me, I like the Service the most, Discipline is good – a nice mix of pain and pleasure – but I don’t really delve into the Direction part.  I don’t seek Mike’s input on a lot of daily decisions. Part of it is that so much of my day is being a mother, and the decisions need to be made quickly.  I will give this more thought.  Perhaps there are more things I could be doing to be more submissive around “Direction.”  I kind of look at is as a nuisance to Mike if I have to seek too much direction from him.  I do defer a lot to him as it is, but I am sure I could do more.  Humm…something for me to think about and talk about with Mike.

Anyway, John set out the rules for this week and it surprised me.  He once again ordered Donna to follow my rules, from this morning (Monday) through when she wakes up on Friday.   I thought this might be devastating to Donna but she took it well.  She told me that it is much easier this week and I was surprised by her reasoning.  She said she is upbeat about it because she knows it will be difficult for her and more importantly, John knows it too, but John wants her to do it anyway.  It’s like, she feels more submissive, and thus more comfortable doing it, precisely because it is difficult for her and John knows it and is requiring it anyway.  Bottom line, she feels more like “his” submissive this week, even though she is following my rules.  Interesting!

SubmissionThe Dark Side or the Bright?
Spending all this time with Donna means we’ve been able to talk a lot. We’ve talked a lot about our personal motivations and satisfaction regarding submission.  I’ve always admitted that my submission is a bit “light” compared to Donna’s, but she made an interesting observation about my submission.   She said that she feels my submission comes from a “bright” place, and that hers is more from a “darker” place.  And, while she has not known many people who are submissive, her belief is that most cravings for submissiveness comes from a “darker” place and that I was not the norm.

What she meant by dark is that in her mind the submissive has some history that includes perhaps at least some neglect or belittlement, or at worst some physical or sexual abuse.   If not any of those, then at least a depression or high anxiety of other origin.

I’ve only known one submissive –Donna. She has met a few other than me, but didn’t know them well, so our sample size is basically limited to our personal experiences.  I disagreed with her and told her that I think it is her own personal confirmation bias talking.  We all relate best to our own experiences, and tend to assume that people who are like us must have also had similar experiences and have similar motivations.   I told her I’ve never read anything about this so can only assume that like most things in life, people involved in various TTWD run the gamut of life experiences.  That includes whether or not TTWD include D/s or any other kink.  My guess is there is no set profile of “dark” or “bright” (as she called it).

I do admit that her past has some physical, emotional, and sexual trials and tribulations that I’ve been fortunate enough not to experience.  I also admit that those experiences play a role in the colloquial “things we do” as well as in the kink culture TTWD.  I do not believe a specific set of life experiences predisposes someone to seek out a D/s relationship.  As this is just a gut feeling, I am open to the fact I could be wrong.

I also sensed condescension in her tone.  As if she was a “real” submissive and I was just playing like one.  That’s a bit of an over dramatization, but, I still felt that she was inferring this.  Funny thing, but I know in my discussions with Kayla that I’ve done far worse than just infer this.  When I was still feeling resentful about the Kayla situation I told Kayla that this was a serious life choice for me and I couldn’t accept her just doing it as a lark.  Funny how the tables have turned and Donna was basically saying something similar to me.

I avoided feeling offended by Donna as I was able to relate to what she was feeling.  I even told her how I related this to my situation with Kayla.    I agreed her submission is “deeper” than mine, but mine was made to fit me and Mike, not her and John.  It also made me realize even more that it is extremely important that Kayla is allowed to create something that fits Kayla, assuming submission is even a route she decides to go.  And so what if she is just “trying it on for size?”  There isn’t anything that says she has to be committed for life.  Heck, even I eased into the current level of submission I have with Mike.  We don’t owe the submissive lifestyle a certain “level” of submission.  My conversation with Donna just reinforced with me that we should encourage each other to find and maintain a lifestyle that brings us the most joy and fulfillment, whatever that lifestyle may be. 

I wonder if there have been any studies out there about submissives?  Specifically in the Domestic Discipline sense and specifically with the woman as submissive – although it would be interesting to see if the findings are similar with male submissives.  And I don’t mean Christian Domestic Discipline.  I mean regarding women who clearly had options and alternatives and sought out a D/s or a Domestic Discipline relationship of their own volition, absent any family or community/religious expectations.

My bet is we would find that we come from all walks of life, all ages, and a wide range life experiences.  Some great, some good, some not-so-good, and yes, some very bad too.  Oh, what do I know?  I’ve apparently got the “bright” form of submission which according to Donna predisposes me to see everything with rose-colored glasses.  Maybe so.  Maybe not?

86.  Nature vs. Nurture.  Finding my DD.

82. Enjoying the Ride

enjoyride

Okay, time to talk about something other than Kayla for a bit. Here’s a bit of a succulent story to quiver your cravings.

So John left Sunday for a trip overseas. He’ll be in the Middle East doing some engineering stuff that engineers do. We made up our spare room for Donna. The room is off our master bedroom, not that Donna slept there Sunday night or last night, nor is she likely to any other night, hee-hee.

It was different to sleep three-to-a-bed (yes, at some point, we did get to sleep, tee-hee!). We couldn’t decide if Mike should be in the middle, or Donna, or me. I preferred me in the middle because I like to be the center of attention!  John set some rules for her for this week. Through the end of tomorrow she is only subject to ALL of my rules and NONE of hers. It was quite an adjustment for her. Following my rules wasn’t the hardest part – the biggest challenge was for her to remember NOT to follow her own rules. While Donna hasn’t enjoyed being outside her comfort zone, she has enjoyed the fact that it is what John required and thus, is just another twist in her submission.

A Twist!
After tomorrow she then has to switch to all her own “normal” rules, with Mike acting in John’s role. This means that there will be times where Mike has to go “help Donna move some furniture” or, “help Donna fix a leaking faucet” or whatever other excuse we can give our son for Mike needing to go over to Donna’s house with her.   The reason for this is that there are certain activities that John requires that will occur while our son is home, and thus the need to do them in the privacy of Donna’s house.   Suffice to say they involve a mix of pain and pleasure. I believe I shared before that John and Donna’s TTWD have a greater degree of BDSM and M/s compared to Mike and I.

Another Twist!
We are a bit alike in that Donna isn’t all that into submitting to someone other than her husband. What makes it enjoyable to her is that it is what John wants, so her submission to John is paramount and the only reason she is submitting to Mike. The added twist is that starting Thursday when she returns to her normal rules, she has to submit to both Mike and to me! I am accountable for administering any punishment if she has an infraction and Mike is not around, PLUS, I specifically have to administer her maintenance. In addition, she must call me “Ma’am! Donna did not express any concerns with this.

She said she is very focused on being in her “submissive” mindset and wanting to please John while he is away. She said that focusing on remembering my rules through tomorrow, and on what happens starting Thursday, is her way of honoring John while he is absent. She said her submission is a way of feeling that he is still present, and that warms her heart.   She is very dedicated and I admire that in her.

As for me, I guess I am looking at it more from the perspective of her friend, not from the perspective of me being submissive. While I know what I am doing is also part of my submission, it just doesn’t have that same feel to me as I am feeling for Donna. I don’t look at what I have to do as that big of deal compared to her.   It will be odd to hear her say “Yes, Ma’am,” “No, Ma’am” and such, and it will be odd to spank her. The mental adjustment on my part seems slight compared to hers.

That’s not to say I look upon this with trepidation. I am looking forward to it in a positive way. I think it will be interesting to learn how I really feel when it actually occurs and believe I will learn something about myself that I don’t know today. As for Donna, I can tell it brings her happiness because it honors John, but perhaps that is just keeping her from really thinking about it. I am curious what she will have to say when it is over.

Final Twist?
The rules are then up in the air starting Sunday. John and Donna will discuss it, as will Mike and I and John and Mike. Then, we’ll see what clever things the boys come up with! John isn’t back until November 19, so they have a long time to come up with creative ways to “torment” us.  I can’t wait to see what they come up with.

Wow.  Kayla, and now this. To think that just a few posts ago in 71. Good Girl, I was opining the routine in my Domestic Discipline!   I am enjoying this fun and wild ride!

It makes me wonder – I am putting out a vibe that attracts this adventure, or am I just lucky to stumble into these adventures?   I’ll save that pondering for some future esoteric ramble. Until then, I’ll just continue to enjoy the ride!

Next: 83. Over/Under. A Spanking Game.

58. Sex with Donna . . . What did I forget?

Those of you who only know me by my latest posts are getting a heavy dose of sexual adventure. That definitely reflects my life over the last two to three weeks. Don’t forget though that to me, I am a typical housewife, with typical challenges and demands in life. I just have an atypical way of addressing them. And through that atypical way, domestic discipline, has far surpassed my wildest dreams. I am happy, Mike is happy, there are far fewer conflicts and those that arise are quickly and completely resolved, and we are exploring many of our lifelong sexual fantasies. I feel fulfilled and feel a greater sense of purpose and value, as does Mike. This one time control-freak who thought they had it all together now really does have it all together.

So, a story about today . . . .

I had the mornings and early afternoon to myself as our son started back at school. Donna was off work today and she came over at 11, just when it was time for me to remove the plug. I was naked when she arrived as I remain naked at home until it is time to pick up my son from school. She disrobed as soon as she was in my house as we now have this rule that she and I have to be naked when entering each other’s house – assuming no other guests. When we open the door the first question we ask is, “Hi, do you have any guests?”

Fast forward about, oh, 60 seconds, maybe less. We started kissing and groping and diving right in to having sex. It was wonderful to just have each other to ourselves without the guys around.

Well, we were still going at it when Mike came home as he often does for lunch. It was quite comical as he walked into our bedroom and calmly said, “Hello Jen, hello Donna.” It was as if we were just sitting at the table enjoying some iced tea instead of naked on the bed with our faces buried in each other’s pussies. However, he then said, “Jen, you were supposed to text me when Donna comes over and Donna, you are supposed to let John know as well. We agreed you all could have sex without us, but we needed to be informed.”

Crap, I forgot, and so did Donna.

Donna texted John right away and let him know she had already been over and forgot to tell him.   A few minutes later Mike’s cell rang and it was John. They talked for a while. When the call was over Mike told me to go get “little bit.” That’s the name we have for this 12 inch oak paddle we have. He made a point to tell Donna that John said she not only needs to watch, but that she would be next. John wanted Mike to spank her.

This is new. Mike and I have both spanked and flogged her before, but as part of play, not punishment, and John was always there.   I met this with mixed emotions. Part of me thought, “What fun, we get to share a punishment!” But part of me said, “Wait, this is just between Mike and me. Do I really want him punishing someone else?”   Whatever conflict I was thinking in my head I didn’t show it. I got the paddle and brought it over to Mike. I got over his knee and he gave me some warm ups by hand, then proceeded to give me 15 with the paddle. He then had me stand up and told me to put my arms above my head and face him so I could watch him spank Donna.   He called Donna over and had Donna go over his knee.   My thought was, “not over the knee.” That is too personal, too intimate. Why not just have her bend over. It made me a little sad, and actually a little jealous, and I am not prone to jealousy.

He gave her some warm ups by hand and then 15 with the paddle.   He then said that in addition to the punishment for not informing him and John, we also would be punished for using up part of his lunch hour. He instructed both of us to stand on each side of the bed, then, keeping our legs on the floor, bend over so our chests were flat on the bed. He told us to hold each other’s hands and to look each other in the eye. He then took off his belt and gave each of us 10 very hard ones.

I was thinking, “Oh no, now the aftercare. That is very personal. That’s MY time with Mike. Plus, John and Donna have different rituals, she doesn’t appreciate what we do. This is isn’t for her. Don’t let her into our aftercare!”   All of this was going on in my mind. I didn’t actually say anything.

Mike called us both over and he hugged each of us with one arm and told us to hug as well so we were in this group hug. He had us state why were punished, however, instead of ending in the “all is forgiven” part of our Aftercare, he said, “All is forgiven with me, but there is still John who was not respected. Jen, you will go over to their house this evening so that John can spank both you and Donna, and then all is forgiven.”

Okay, now I am really freaking out inside. I was punished once before over at their house without Mike and I hated it. I didn’t like that Mike spanked Donna in such an intimate way, including her in the aftercare, and now I have to get spanked without him.   Again, I didn’t say anything.   I know I am putting a lot of meaning into all of this and I could try to rationalize it away, but it doesn’t change how I feel. There’s not much in our DD that falls under that category of, “I don’t like it one bit, but I’ll go along with it.” This falls in that category.

So, about an hour ago I went over to John and Donna’s, without Mike, and John spanked the both of us. He used this three pronged strap called a Tawse. That was new to me. I was nervous because John and Donna are more aggressive with giving/receiving pain as Donna as a bit of a masochist. Plus, from my last experience I knew the act of getting spanked just isn’t as fun when it is someone other than Mike doing it. I kept myself focused on the fact that this all was Mike’s wishes and by submitting to this I was submitting to Mike. That helped, a bit. Overall I’d say it did hurt more than Mike’s spanking earlier, but I wasn’t all that focused on it. I was more of the mindset, “just get it over with.” Emotionally I was disconnected.   I got through it and that was that. I really don’t like getting spanked by anyone but Mike.

So, I am back home now, chores all done, red ass and all. I journaled a bit and, of course, wrote this. I’ll make sure our son is gets wound down and into bed and then I have a bit of quiet time with Mike, channel surfing or whatever he wants. Then showered and in bed with lights out by 10 p.m.

Tomorrow I’ll remember to text Mike! Okay, actually, it won’t be tomorrow because Donna works. So maybe the day after! Funny that Mike and John didn’t think that a worse punishment would be to say we couldn’t see each other for one week!   I think that they would feel they would be punishing themselves as they both love the fact that Donna and I had sex.   We had to share all the details with them!   Typical guys!

My attempt to accept getting spanked by John is simply to accept that I don’t have to like it. I probably shouldn’t like it. It is a punishment, and even though Mike wasn’t doing the spanking, he is still exerting dominance by ordering me to submit. I really love that part. Regardless of my love for that part, I will strive to never have to repeat that. I will obviously share these feeling with Mike, not in an effort to make him stop this, but simply because sharing our feelings is what we do, well, for sure something that I do. And if I blog it, I am sure to talk to him about it. I don’t want him learning something from the blog that I didn’t already share with him.

By the way, Mike and John made it clear to us that when Donna and I “transgress” together, there will be dual punishments if those transgressions fall under the rules of both houses.

So be it. The life of a sub isn’t always going to be fun.

NEXT:  59.  Ice, Ice, Baby.

13. Now what? “…the sting of the paddle?”

In setting out to blog my plan was to share my approach to DD.  I have now done that. Now what?

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM MY POSTS
I  plan to post some experiences that were significant milestones towards once again loving life, every moment and every day since beginning our DD journey.

MY STYLE?
Not sure.  Blogging may bring out a different side of me.  I sense people like salacious details, like a steamy sexually charged romance novel, but I am not wired to write that way.  Not that I won’t, but it just isn’t a default for me to write like that.  If you already haven’t figured it out, I tend to be more “performance based” in my thinking – Sharing what my motivation was, what I was thinking, what I intended, what the outcome was.

So, instead of,  “I blinked my eyes into focus to dry away the forming tears as the sting of the paddle bit hard into my ass such that I had to catch my breath, eliciting both regret and euphoria while my throbbing nipples called to me for relief…”
I will tend to say, “I was surprised that in addition to some pain, my spanking delivered a certain degree of pleasure…but damn, those nipple clips can hurt”

I’ll try to keep in mind that people like to visualize the emotion, versus just hearing me state the emotion.   

I will address one more thing here and one more on another post today.

DO I HAVE BLOGGING RULES AS PART OF MY DD?

Yes and no.  I do have an obligation to journal daily, but no obligation to blog.  We established that blogging is not journaling and while I blog I still am subject to the terms of our DD Agreement.

I especially have to be honest and safe, and like any pursuit it can not interfere with my Duties and Obligations.  So, honesty means I must be truthful in my posts, and not embellish – which is something reinforced by my very first Reward which perhaps will become Story #1 that I will share later.  Safety means I had to be safe with our personal information.  Mike did agree I could use our real first names.  Someone who knows us who finds our blog might reasonably suspect it is about us, but we figure the chances are low and it would be an innocent way for us to “come out” to them (which we have done to one set of friends already.  Perhaps that is story #2?).

Mike can read my posts, although thus far he says he hasn’t had the time but does plan to do so.  I can’t wait to hear his comments.

Next – 14. Year One Reflections, the Good, the Bad, and the growing Sexual Subtext