I haven’t written much lately about Kayla. With her permission, I thought I’d talk about an issue we had to address — Kayla’s social life.
Kayla has some new friends she met on campus. Some are just casual friendships, but two in particular are evolving to more than that. Nothing sexual, just her spending more time socializing with them. It raises some new questions for us and I asked Kayla to talk to Mike about it. I told Kayla I defer to Mike on any advice and guidance and I would support whatever Mike has to say about it.
CHOOSING HER FRIENDS
Kayla and Mike talked. Mike was supportive of her socializing with whomever she wanted. His only condition was similar to a condition we have in our Contract. If he feels the relationship isn’t healthy, he will talk with her about either modifying the relationship or ending it.
SHARING INFO ON HER DYNAMIC
They also discussed the amount of detail she should share with friends about our relationship with her. This was more of a reminder. Kayla is free to share with others that she is in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. She can share she is submissive if she chooses. She can share that this means she follows various “house rules” and can be disciplined, including being spanked, if she does not.
The general rule of thumb is to provide as little information as necessary to satisfy questions and stop at providing details as to specific rules, punishments, and sex. Yes/No responses are better than elaborating with details. Mike and Kayla even role played some dialogue to ensure Kayla was on the same page as Mike.
Mike and Kayla also talked about Kayla having sex outside of our relationship. This has been talked about before but with the casualness that comes with discussing the theoretical. Not that she is having sex with others right now, but, she can see the potential for it and thus the need to revisit this with more seriousness.
Mike told Kayla she is free to pursue sexual relationships with anyone, just so long as she informs him of who these people are and of course, practices safe sex. Kayla is also going back on the pill. She had been off it – Mike and John both have had a vasectomy.
Mike made it a point to share with her that our relationship with her should never get in the way of things she wants to experience. If she wants to travel, attend social events, go out with friends, or even have sex with whomever, he (as do I) will support her decisions. The only caveat being that Mike must not see any of it as unhealthy for her. Mike made it clear she will have to move out if she pursues a relationship he feels is toxic. Kayla was more than fine with this and said it actually made her feel good to hear him say that.
Kayla brought this up. She made it clear she was not interested in having a D/s relationship with anyone else. She can’t imagine being beholden to more than one Dom, and more importantly, she said that type of relationship is extra special to her and Mike is her Dom and “that is that.” However, it did cause Mike to want to at least have a brief discussion on future possibilities.
Mike said that if she found a relationship where she wanted to be submissive to someone else, she needs to share those desires with him as soon as she is feeling them. This way they can talk about them so that she does not feel more conflicted than she is likely going to feel. Mike said he would have as hard a time “giving her up” as she would have with “giving him up,” but the worst thing to do would be to suppress such desires, if she were to feel them. They would most certainly fester and manifest themselves in unhealthy ways.
Kayla was adamant she would never feel that way towards anyone else. Mike and I know that, despite her current intentions, life happens and things change. However, there was no need to discuss this further at this point as it was actually upsetting to Kayla.
FORCED TO CHOOSE
They also talked about what would happen if the other person was not okay with her continuing our dynamic. What then? Kayla’s first response was simply, “I’d end it with that person.” But, she also realized that love can be a powerful thing. She then backtracked a bit and said, “I guess I would have to deal with it at that time and reconcile my love for you two with my love for that person. I can’t fathom it right now.”
Alexis is only 18, a freshman at the university. They met in the library. Alexis got married a month after graduating high school to a 24-year-old male. This friendship is very different for Kayla as she has always had friends that were older than her, typically by four or more years.
They have met up several times, gone out to lunch, met up on campus, text back and forth, stuff like that. Kayla said it feels more like a little sister/big sister type thing going on. Nothing sexual, and she has never met the husband. Kayla says she enjoys giving her advice and hearing about her past and her current situation.
Kayla has shared with Alexis the basics of our relationship. and Alexis is “very” intrigued. Alexis shared that spankings were part of her childhood up until she turned 16. She never saw her dad spank her mom though and is unsure if that ever went on. Alexis seems interested in incorporating some DD in her marriage and thus asked Kayla lots of questions about both Kayla’s D/s and about me and Mike.
Michaud is male, 25, single. Michaud is actually his last name but everyone calls him by this. I won’t share his first name, but it is a pretty typical name. Michaud does sound more mysterious! And ooo-laa-laa, it is French! He was actually born in France but has lived in the U.S. since he was about six or seven.
He is in one of her classes. They have studied together, shared class notes, stuff like that. They have also met for lunch and dinner, always preceding or following class or studying. Nothing she would call an official “date.” However, Kayla says she can see this relationship going further.
She shared her living arrangement with him, but he didn’t question it and thus she didn’t go further. All he knows is she lives with an older couple. She described it as, “I had to get out of the house and I moved in with an older couple I’ve known for a long time.” That’s it. He did ask her some questions about her relationship with her parents, but he didn’t ask more questions about who we were or why she lives with us or anything else. Maybe it is a French thing?
Mike stopped short of telling Kayla that he must meet Michaud. He did tell her that she needs to keep both he and I informed of their interactions. Mike felt he wanted my perspective on Michaud with the hopes that between the two of us we could spot any red flags. At this point, he seems normal and sincere. Whatever “normal” is.
I’ve shared before that Kayla’s circle of friends before she moved in with us consisted primarily of people in their late 20’s. This reflects Kayla’s penchant for having friends older than she is. Kayla does go out on occasion, although it has been less and less frequent. Part of that is due to Kayla being back in school, and part of it due to the schedules of those friends.
Kayla has told three of those friends about us, in great detail. This includes her friend Daniel, who is gay, and includes her best friend, a female, who Kayla asked me to have rename nameless. This is the friend that Kayla has had sex with and eventually was a third in her friend’s relationship with a man. Kayla refers to that as a “poly-type” thing but it was more just threesomes than it was an actual relationship. Anyway, that couple knows all about Kayla’s relationship with us. Kayla still sees them occasionally, but stopped having sex with them shortly before she moved in with us.
Anyway, we are happy to see Kayla interact socially, both with her existing friends and with new ones. We all recognize that relationships can get complicated, which is why open communication is so important. All is well, whether it be with Kayla and her friends, Mike and Kayla, Mike and me, me and Kayla, or Mike, me, and Kayla.
NEXT: 180. Time for Discipline