The Stanford Prison Experiment is a well-known experiment in psychology circles regarding the effects that power has on people. I’ve always kept the results of this experiment in mind as it pertains to Mike and our journey into domestic discipline. These thoughts were further top of mind as we added the dominant/submissive relationship with Kayla. Increasing these thoughts even further was that Showtime has been running a movie about the experiment. Also, although unrelated to my dynamic, this study has been top of mind because I wonder how power impacts a self-serving egomaniac. No, not Mike, but our U.S. President…I digress.
The conclusion is simple. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. So knowing this, how do we avoid the corrupting influence that power has, even when that power is given to someone you love and trust without question, and who reciprocates that same love and trust? No, not our U.S. President, I am talking about Mike!
I believe the answer is that you don’t, and you can’t. It will happen. It is human nature. But, what you can do is be aware of it. It comes back to the age-old solution for any relationship, regardless if the dynamic is vanilla or otherwise – communication. You have to communicate limits and react in the strongest terms possible if those limits are breached. If they are disregarded, then you do the only thing you can do and take the power back. You must RESIST and speak truth to power! Yes, I am talking about both Mike as well as our president. I digress yet again.
In both cases if limits are breached you don’t validate the behaviors of those you have given power. You don’t accept anything they do. You resist. Of course, if it is a loved one, it typically resolves itself quickly and you move on. In the case of our president, it will only resolve itself by doing everything you can to delay and deny any actions they undertake, vote out all who support him in the mid-terms in two years, and then vote out him and the other supporters two years after. Okay, I really digress!
The challenge with a loving D/s relationship is that it is hard to recognize when limits have been crossed. Yes, some things are blatant, but, we can become desensitized over time to ever escalating dominance. You love the person, you know they have the best intentions, and so you can easily discount and disregard inappropriate behavior, especially if it isn’t directed at you. Sure, Trump has come for the Muslims, come for the scientists, come for the LBGTQ community, come for the federal judges, come for the animals (yes, read about what he is has done regarding animal testing), come for free speech, come for some people’s clean air and water (but not mine), and has come for the disabled (both in education and for those trying to get social security disability benefits). But none of those he has come for is me.
Sure, Trump has attacked the arts, attacked the media, attacked anyone who openly questions him. But — none of those things are me. While every speech and every press conference by his minions are filled with blatant lies (oh wait, “alternative facts”) that a six-year-old can fact check in a second, his lies haven’t impacted me.
I hope you get the sarcasm. Oh, sorry, got off track…it’s Mike I want to talk about.
It’s an interesting thing to be a part of it. I have seen Mike exert more dominance, a dominance I have asked for, invited in, nurtured, craved, and supported. Until recently Mike was being a Dom that was careful to carry out his dominance in a way that I explicitly prescribed, with perhaps just the occasional unexpected action on his part. When we took on this lifestyle, he clearly adjusted to the things I asked for. At my urging I have encouraged him to exert himself in ways that suited his needs and desires and that I welcomed the opportunity to be the one adjusting to those needs and desires. Well, he has done so. I must be honest and say there are things he does that I don’t particularly like or enjoy. However, I am being equally honest when I say I get an even bigger thrill from the things I don’t like or enjoy. I know that sounds oxymoronic (is that word? Well, it is now). It is simply about the joy and satisfaction I get from being submissive and to truly submit to him, I should be submitting more directly to his needs and desires, and not just the needs and desires I have chosen to address.
What are some of the things I don’t enjoy? I don’t like the cane (oh, that can be another story, but, Kayla wanted a cane so we ordered one, and I hate it. Much prefer a paddle, brush, or some other flat spanking implement!). I don’t enjoy my pussy being flogged or whipped, I don’t enjoy being tied up as punishment, and I don’t enjoy certain sexual acts being part of punishments. Previously, sex and punishments were separate things – and while still not the norm, they aren’t always mutually exclusive. I also am a bit alarmed by his treatment of Kayla, although Kayla appears to be thriving and wanting more. Now don’t feel bad on my behalf. I know I could stop these acts, but I don’t want to. I like the idea that I am doing things for Mike to satisfy his desires and I like that he is expressing his desires. I like these things more than I dislike the acts, and as long as that remains the case, the acts remain within my acceptable limits. But I do dread these acts!
To get back to my main point – I have noticed Mike is acting differently, much more authoritarian and with less patience. I have seen his demands as well as the spankings and non-spanking punishments increase in frequency and intensity, both on me and on Kayla. We’ve talked openly about this and he admits he likes the feeling he gets from being dominant, but also admits there is a line between being a good dom and being an a-hole, and he hopes not to cross it, however, he ended that with, “Concern noted, but I am not changing anything and you always have safe words to stop any of my actions, so it is on you to communicate your limits, not on me to guess where they are.” For a nanosecond my mind said, “Oh, what an a-hole response.” But the tingly feel-good feeling that followed a nanosecond later overwhelmed that thought. I really like it when Mike is forceful and unapologetic with his feelings. Such is the way a submissive thinks!
And to be fair, along with Mike’s increase in dominant behaviors has come an increase in appreciation towards me and towards Kayla. Mike has given us several “spa days” and other pampering’s, he even hired a maid service for a day so we could fully relax without worry of falling behind on any of our chores. Yes, I know that statement will make some of you gag – I certainly would have pre-DD. Just remember, I chose this lifestyle and I take my duties very seriously, so it is a big deal that I didn’t have to worry about falling behind on any chores. Even if Mike gave me a pass regarding any punishments, I like to stay on schedule and get certain things done on certain days, so the maid service was something I truly appreciated.
I do not feel that Mike has been corrupted by the power I have freely given to him (yet), but the findings of the Stanford Experiment remain in the back of my mind. As for our so-called president, well, his corrupted mind began long before he got the power of a president (I would say “presidential power” but there is nothing presidential about him). I digress.
Oh, I mentioned before that Mike was going on a business trip out-of-town and taking Kayla with him. That is in a few days. I’ll talk about that in another post!
Resist. . .and remain Kinky!