Tag Archives: punishments

142. A Spanking, Lines, and Corner Time

142Nun

Sorry for bit of a cliff hanger on the last post.  I had to wrap up as I had things to attend to.  Oh the irony if I earned a spanking because I didn’t complete a chore because I was spending too much time writing about a spanking story!  

As I shared in that post, I was at the store and was tempted to buy something without permission.  I shared before that years ago I went through a compulsive shopping issue.  It actually spanned several years.  As part of putting my contract together I wanted to be subject to a budget, and it evolved to where I must ask Mike for permission to buy anything other than everyday household items like food and toiletries.  

The item was nothing extravagant – it was a simple blender.  Ours broke quite some time ago but we rarely use it and didn’t miss having it.  But I saw a cute one that was also on sale and I thought it would be fun to get.  I imagined the smoothies I could make, both alcoholic and kid-friendly versions.   I rationalized that I shouldn’t bother Mike at work with this, and I would just get it.  It seemed unnecessary and it was so clear to me we would use and enjoy this blender.  I went so far as having it in the shopping cart!

VICTORY!
I then had this deja vu moment as thoughts of
Post 71. Good Girl came to mind.  Not just the feeling I had for transgressing, but also the punishment!  Ouch!  Yes, the discomfort of a spanking can be a great deterrent.   So, I put the blender back on the shelf!   Win for DD.  Win for Jenny.    

This happened during the day while our son was at school.  Mike was working for home.  When I got home I shared this story with Mike thinking he would have the same sense of accomplishment for what our DD had done to help me mend my ways.  Instead, he sternly spoke to me.

DEFEAT?
He said, “Jen, yes, I am very happy you didn’t buy something without permission.  That would have certainly been bad to do, but, that doesn’t excuse how close you came to trying to rationalize actually buying it.  It concerns me that you went so far as to have the item in your basket.  While you should have a sense of accomplishment for putting it back, I none-the-less feel a responsibility to address your actions.”  He went on to say that he felt it wasn’t enough for a punishment to serve as a deterrent.  He felt part of the goals of DD, as I have expressed them, were to actually change my thoughts and behaviors.   While clearly it changed my behavior — I didn’t get the blender — it didn’t change my thoughts. 

There was silence when Mike was done speaking.  I didn’t know how to react and frankly there wasn’t anything I could say.   Trying to defend my actions would make it worse, and part of me understood what he was saying.  It was just so disappointing to go from this emotional high of thinking of this as a triumphant “win” to the sudden and jarring conclusion that it wasn’t.  I could tell Mike was thinking about what to do. 

LINES
He told me to go to our room, put on the tack bra, and sit and write lines.  I would keep writing until he came to the room.  The line was, “I will always ask Sir for permission to buy something that I am not allowed to buy without his permission.”   He had me repeat the assignment to ensure I understood it.  He then told me to go our room.  Walking there I kept repeating the line to myself so I wouldn’t forget it.

He came into the room about 10 minutes later.  I had written 12 lines.  He told me to lay on our floor, face down, hands behind my back while he reviewed my lines.  This pressed the tacks firmly against my breasts.  He then told me all 12 were incorrect.  I left off the word “his” as the second to last word.   He also did not like the way I wrote the word “permission” as it was messy on four of the lines.  He said that is 16 mistakes, and thus would earn me 32 spankings, two for each error.  

MORE LINES
He then said I had 10 more minutes of writing and he expected to see 15 perfect lines. He would add another 2 spankings per error and add 2 spankings per word that I was short.  In other words,  there were 20 words in the line.  If say I only got to 14 lines at the end of 10 minutes, he would add 40 spankings (20 x 2).  He had me repeat these rules back to ensure I understood them.  

He had me get up off the floor and told me not to adjust my bra and to sit and write.  He got out his phone and started the stop watch and said, “your time starts now.”

I’ve had to write lines before, and I’ve been timed before, but never had him there staring at me.  Also, when I’ve been timed I have been able to look at a clock so I could tell how I was progressing and whether or not I should try to speed up or not.  It was terrible not knowing how much time was elapsing.  Adding to this was the sharp pains in my breasts where several tacks were poking me something fierce.  

I was trying not to think much about the time and concentrate on my penmanship, but when I finished the eighth line I did think to myself, “okay, just over half way done and I think that was about five minutes.”   When I got through with line 12 i thought, “well, that’s as far as I got last time and I am going a little faster, so probably have a few minutes left.  It will be close.”   Line 13, “I will always ask Sir for permission to  – “STOP!”
Mike told me time was up.  

He told me to get back on the floor on my stomach while he reviewed my work.  10 words left on line 13, plus the 20 for line 14 and 15.  So 50 missing words.  That’s 100 spankings.  

He then said, “Again, you wrote the word “permission” a bit sloppy.” One…two…three…four…five times.  And on two of the lines you didn’t capitalize “Sir.”
That’s seven mistakens, for 14 more spankings.  So let’s see,  32 + 100 + 14. That’s 146. What do you think of that?” 

What was I to say other than, “I think this is good. Thank you, Sir.”   He then said, “Well, not quite good enough.” 

“I am going to give you your 146 spankings, then you are going to sit on what will be your red ass and you will write the word “permission” two hundred times.  We will then see if there are more spankings to come.”

Up to this point I was very composed.  He had me stand up and he removed my bra.  There were several tacks imbedded in my breasts such that my bra stayed stuck to me even though it was unclasped and the straps were  off my shoulders.  He pulled gently to fully remove the bra.  There was a short-lived but sharp sting as the tacks came out of my breasts.  While not overly painful, it made me start to cry.   As I shared in the prior post, I don’t cry that much over a punishment and when I do, it is mostly about what I was feeling at this moment.  

I was feeling very humbled and very remorseful.   The issue of controlling my shopping habits has a long and painful past.  I was feeling the guilt of those past transgressions, a guilt I thought had left me for good, but re-emerges anytime I make this type of mistake.
Further adding to my emotions was a part of me that was saying to myself “but I did so good in putting it back.” 

THE SPANKINGS
Mike said not all the spankings would be on my butt.  He went “Catholic school nun” on me and gave me 10 strikes with the ruler on each palm.   Those actually hurt more than spankings.  He then administered the remaining 132 on my butt, a combination of hand, belt, paddle, and wooden spoon.  The majority were with the spoon.  He said he choose the spoon because it was a kitchen item and thus seemed appropriate since this was prompted by a blender.   

YET MORE LINES
My butt was very red, sore, and ultimately bruised.  It was hard to sit and write “permission” 250 times, especially as my palms were still stinging as well.  He didn’t give me a time limit and it took about 30 minutes to complete.  I brought my papers to his office and he reviewed the lines.  He asked me if I were him, how many mistakes would I find.  I told him while every line was not identical, I felt they were all extremely legible and clear.  I always get a little nervous when he asks me to critique myself.  Luckily, he agreed.

FINAL PUNISHMENTS
I noticed that he had a butt plug, lube, and a ball gag at his desk.  He told me he wasn’t quite done with me yet.  He had me bend over as he inserted the plug and then he told me to stand in the corner in his office with my hands clasped behind my head.   He put in the ball gag and as I stood in the corner he rubbed my red butt and gave me five or six quick swats by hand.  At that time I didn’t expect more spankings and was now unsure of what was to come.  I was already quite sore and I immediately started to cry.

He gave me several more by hand and then explained that this was specifically for the transgression regarding the blender whereas the other spankings were over the mistakes in my lines.  He then spanked me some more by hand, maybe another 15 or so, then sat back down at his desk and went about his work.  I cried for several more minutes.  

If you aren’t familiar with ball gags, they can make the jaw uncomfortable after five minutes or so, but more than the discomfort, it is the drooling that bothers me the most. Quite a bit of spit ends up dripping down on and between my boobs and it just feels uncomfortable.  Add to that the tears and snot from crying and well, you get the picture. 

About fifteen minutes later he walked over, removed the plug and bit, and we had our Closing Ceremony.  That was that.  All was forgiven.  I left his office, cleaned up, and went about my day. 

REFLECTION
As I reflect on this punishment, I think about what if Mike had looked at my actions the way I initially did – as a triumph!   Would the encouragement and recognition of a job well done been more effective than a punishment?   Hard to say, but I believe Mike’s actions were justified given my history with shopping.  It is a history I need to always keep in mind so that next time, I don’t even think to put the item in the basket.  There are reasons I agreed to asking Mike for permission, and reasons I wanted his help in addressing my bad habits.  I accept his judgement that a punishment was in order and believe it will help ensure my compliance with the commitments I have made to him and to myself. And ultimately, that is what my Domestic Discipline is all about. 

Next: 143. My Evolving Submission

 

 

134. Vulnerable to you / 1yr blogiversary

134

Mike reads my blog from time to time, plus I’ve talked to him about the fact my greatest joy in blogging is ruminating on my thoughts and happenings in life.  I enjoy sharing my thoughts, feelings, motivations, and interpretations of something a lot more than I enjoy sharing the specifics of that something.  Mike commented that he thinks this was a “vulnerability thing.”   Okay, so Mike is not one to ponder philosophically.  He tends to just to succinctly sum things up in a few, but accurate, words.

I had to delve into what all he meant by this but when i asked him he simply said, “It isn’t important what it means to me, it’s whether it means anything to you.  You think about it and tell me what you think it might mean. ”   His retort floored me.  This was very un-Mike like.  It had this sensei flair to it, this enigmatic statement that I had to unravel and find my own meaning.  But, I appreciated the response as I took it as a self-reflection challenge, and I like to be self-reflective and I like a good challenge.

I’ve made several posts on this subject of vulnerability:  Post 67. An Esoteric Ramble,  Post 68 reblog: To Fall in Love…, and Post 129. Vulnerability. Plus…

So here’s my thoughts on Mike’s comment.  The pre-DD Jenny thrived on control, was measured in what she did and said, and only portrayed to others a limited version of herself to avoid potential negative critique.   I am proud to have shed most of those pre-DD habits, but, parts of that still linger.

I am fully vulnerable to Mike, and while the type of vulnerability we give to our partner is not the type you would give to everyone, there is an element of vulnerability that you should be willing to give to those around you.  It is about being authentic.  By being authentic, you might rub some people the wrong way, but so what?  The flip side is by being authentic, your relationships become founded on authenticity.  You connect to people as you really are, and hopefully as they really all.  The result is a deeper and more meaningful and fulfilling connection.  It is much better to have fewer, authentic and meaningful relationships with friends and family, then to have many superficial ones based on less than your true self.

I’ve shared before that vulnerability has been like a drug to me.  I love it, I crave it, and I’ve slowly become more vulnerable to those around me.   There is Mike of course, who my vulnerability has no limits.  Then there was John and Donna, and then Kayla.  They get the full and unedited version of Jenny.   I believe it is my comfort and confidence in being vulnerable that led me to tell my sisters about my DD lifestyle.  (Post 116. Revealing DD to my sisters).   It is also what led me to tell a group of my girlfriends about Mike and I “swinging.”  (Post 132. Good Grove / Bad Move).   And it has led to my overall sense of comfort and confidence in my choices.

I am vulnerable when it comes to my blog, but I definitely be more so.  THAT was Mike’s point with his comment.  I know the ultimate in vulnerability would be to post more identifiable personal details complete with pictures.  But frankly, that would be opening myself up to be revealed to any and all people.   Maybe some day, but for now I am not ready for that, nor is Mike.  Short of that, I could be more forthcoming with things I do or the things that happen to me that currently I may omit, or infer or lightly touch on but not in much detail.

A good example is our soaping punishment routine, although I’ve only received two.   Part of this routine is rinsing not with water, but with pee.  I have not blatantly stated that detail because of concern of what you may think of me.  I know it is silly to be worried about what readers think after sharing so much, but, I found it difficult to share that particular detail.  Well, it’s shared now!

Mike is correct, it is a “vulnerability thing.”  Each time I have shared a punishment with you I mention I am not one for sharing those details.  Part of me worries about what people will think – think about me, think about Mike.  I would rather write about the positive impact it had, versus share the specifics and leave it to you to conclude what the impact was.    So, that’s my response to Mike regarding what I think he meant by it being a “vulnerability thing.”   I shouldn’t be so resistant to being vulnerable to you.

This doesn’t mean I am suddenly over it.  But, I will try hard to focus on being even more transparent on my blog, especially when it comes to punishments.  This isn’t something I have to do.   Mike doesn’t require it of me, and I don’t specifically require it of myself. However, I do believe it helps in strengthening and maintaining a submissive mindset. It is more about being more disciplined in my vulnerability and not allowing old habits in.  And that IS something I want.

ONE YEAR OLD BLOG
Switching gears  – my blog just turned one year old a few days ago.  Thank you to everyone who reads, likes, and comments.  I am close to 100,000 views and about 18,000 visitors.  I like it that I get 5 to 6 views per visitor each month as it means to me that people are intrigued enough to read multiple posts.   Writing this continues to be very fulfilling, and now, perhaps more so as I strive to be even more vulnerable in my future posts.   And I took notice that by far the most visited post is Post 25. Intense Spanking Part II, about twice as many as the next visited post (Post 12. Our DD Contract).   You kinksters seem to like to read about punishments!

I’ll take that under advisement.  Ultimately I blog for me, but I like it when others like it, and I also like the vulnerability of it.  I just have to remind myself that sharing details of a punishment is an act of vulnerability, thus an act of submission.  That should be plenty of motivation for me to enjoy doing so.  But even with that motivation, my greatest pleasure in blogging is still from waxing philosophically about being a submissive wife and living the wife-swapping polyamourous Domestic Discipline lifestyle that I live.

NEXT: 135. Kayla and me.

 

126. Catching up (on spankings and other stuff)

CatchingUp

As so many of my recent posts have focused on Kayla, I thought I’d talk about what is going on directly with me.  So, here’s a hodge-podge of things I thought I’d catch you up on.  

JOHN AND DONNA
We do still get together with them, maybe twice a month.  Maybe one of those two times will include the three of us, and sometimes only Mike and Kayla have gone, or even just Kayla by herself (but that’s another story for when I am talking about her experiences).  John and Donna are super-close friends and have been very accommodating in participating in TTWD.

Something I didn’t share on my last post – on one of the nights that J was at my parents, I spent the evening out with John and spent the night with John and Donna.  Sort of as reciprocation for Mike’s date night with Donna as well as Donna spending a week or so with us when John was out-of-town (Post 82. Enjoying the Ride, and Post 84. Happy Place). In doing so, my role there was to be completely submissive to John and be subject to any and all of his rules.  Although it was an extremely fun evening, and one I don’t mind repeating, I am glad it was just for one evening and night.  Such diversions are great, but my greatest fulfillment will always be playing with and directly serving Mike.

BTW, although I am not focusing on Kayla on this post, I will say that Kayla now allows both John and Donna to have sex with her.  One happy mini-orgy!  

One more quick thing about Kayla.  She will always be part of most posts simply because she is a big part of our life.  We don’t consider her as just living with us, or just experimenting with us.  While those things are true, it is deeper than that.  We all love each other and express that in many “vanilla” ways every day.  Which leads me to my next topic. 

BOWLING OVER MY SISTERS
I posted before that I “came out” to my sisters about adopting domestic discipline as well as my relationship with Kayla.  And although not my original intent, I did tell them about my blog.  Sis 2 said she read it, and Sis 1 said she didn’t want to know “those things” about me.   The way she explained it was that while she wants to know ZERO percent about our parents sex lives, she only wants to know about 20% of her sisters, and what I told her was more than enough to meet that quota.  She doesn’t want to know more.  

Sis 2 was far more curious and had to read it.  One of the things she told me was, in a non-judgmental and half-joking tone,  “So, my sister is a “predatory-polyamorous-swinger?”   I know she was jokingly teasing me about “predatory” as she knows Kayla is an adult (granted, a young one at that) and my sister understands the situation there.  As for poly, I  recognize I am in a poly relationship, but I don’t think of myself in the context of that label.  Same for the term “swinger.”  Yes, we swap and stuff with John and Donna, but, swinging occasionally on a single swing doesn’t really amount to being a swinger to me, no more than going bowling a few times a year makes you a bowler. (Ugh, not a good analogy, but, that’s what I told my sister).  Sticking with that analogy I said, “at the moment I am bowling, yes, I am a bowler, but outside that moment I don’t consider myself a bowler.  So I don’t consider myself poly or a swinger, although certainly the relationships I have definitely fit those definitions. 

MY DD / Punishments
It’s been awhile since I talked about it, but I do get routinely spanked.  At one point not too long ago I went more than a week between spankings…maybe like 9 or 10 days.  That was my longest stretch. Even though I received my Maintenance spankings, it got to be too much for me and I had to ask Mike for a spanking.  This was only the second time I have ever done that (I shared the first on Post 42). 

Similar to that occasion, I had this building sense of restlessness and uneasiness over nothing I could identify.  The only feeling I was sure of was that I knew a spanking would “cure” it.  Yes, those endorphins are addicting and, in their own way, relaxing!  Also, spanking gives me a unique way of connecting with Mike that is just different from anything else.  I guess I was missing that.  I get immense satisfaction from submitting to him.  Allowing him to spank me is part of that submission and thus part of that satisfaction.  

I am not one to “brat” to get a spanking.  While it is fine if others do it, it just isn’t for me. I find it inauthentic and not as fulfilling.  I know this because I tried it before.   Nope, I either want a spanking as a punishment or because I asked for one.   

Of course, wouldn’t you know it, right after my requested spanking I had a series of transgressions that earned me more.  All minor stuff, and all stuff a “vanilla” would be appalled at.  And I say this as I use the reaction of my sisters as my litmus test for how a “vanilla” would react.  I shared this with them as well (because they asked).  Yes, even Sis 1 who doesn’t want to read my blog will still ask me questions.  It’s like she wants to know, but doesn’t want to know.  Anyway, here were some of those spankings: 

Open Door / Open Mouth
I left our garage door open over night.  Not only a no-no, but this was a THIRD offense so the spanking and punishment was quite harsh.  He took me to the garage and I was spanked extremely red using the push ups from our
Calisthenics of DoomMike then had me stand in the corner of the garage with one of the doors open for about an hour.  You couldn’t see me from where I was standing, but it was eery to hear the sounds of neighborhood so plainly.  I could hear people talking who walked by walking their dogs and stuff like that.  He also had me hold the remote to the garage door in my mouth the entire time.  Probably ruined it with my slobber but we don’t really use it since the cars have their built in buttons to open/close the door.  He repeated this punishment for three straight mornings.  

Dome light gets the vibe.
Another punishment also had to do with the car.  Maybe I have some subconscious issue with the car?  Anyway, for some reason I had turned on the dome light inside the car.  Not where it just comes on when you open the doors, but where it stays on permanently until you turn it off.  I forgot to turn it off and the battery died.   Hey, it is something anyone can do, so why get punished?  Because those are the consequences I not only agreed to, but that I crave.  I am so lucky to have a husband willing to deliver those consequences.  In addition to a spanking, Mike got creative and had me stand in the corner with a small vibrator inserted and left mostly inside me for about an hour.  As pleasurable as that vibe can be, an hour of buzzing in one spot while standing up is definitely not a joy.  The upside – I felt phantom vibrations for a few hours afterwards that were quite pleasing!

Iron Mike Hangs ’em Up.
The last one I’ll share really insults the feminist as it is a poster child for 1950’s misogyny. I iron all of Mike’s clothes and normally I leave them out until I have ironed them but for some reason one day I went ahead and hung them up un-ironed.  I did the ironing and was just pulling a few at a time from the closet.  Well, I got distracted and put the iron away before finishing, thus there were un-ironed clothes hanging in the closet.  Oh, the humanity!    I say that in jest as to me, any transgression is a transgression.  None are trivial to me as they all are things I commit to doing without fail (or at least without consequences when I fail).   

What iron related punishment could Mike come up with?  Branding is a hard limit, so no burning me with an iron!  A girls’ got limits!  But he immediately knew what he wanted to do.  

We have a couple of those hangers like they have in hotels – the hangers with those metal clips on them.  Well, he clipped them to my nipples – Like this.   Those clips are very tight, way more than clothespins, and they are a bit sharp.  Unlike in that picture, they didn’t have smooth rubber tips on the end.  The ends on ours have these grooves in them.  Ouchy ouchy!   I had to use our “yellow” safe word to have them removed for a bit, and eventually had to call “red” as I just couldn’t take anymore.  Oh, and similar to this picture, he had the end of the hanger tied to our ceiling fan such it pulled extra hard if I stood flat footed.

Yes, subjecting yourself to this type of punishment probably seems so absurd, but I love it!  I am a submissive wife who flourishes and feels complete when being accountable to my man.

POST SCRIPT
For most of my DD journey I would have described DD as a way of being accountable to myself, to my dreams and desires.  That’s why I refer to my blog as DD “Jenny Style.”  It is my own version of how domestic discipline helps me be the person, wife, and mother that I want to be.  It is about submitting on my terms, not Mike’s.  That is still a big part of my DD; however, slowly but surely those dreams and desires have become less specific about what I want, and more and more about simply serving Mike in the way he wants.

He has evolved as a Dom.  At first it was all about doing things in a way I specifically prescribed.  Now it is much more about doing things that he chooses for me to do and in the manner he prescribes.  I like that!  

It has been a smooth and natural progression that has worked well for me and for him. Perhaps I’ll explore that thought further on another post where I go on one of my esoteric rambles.  It’s been awhile since I’ve done any self-analyzing philosophical opining.  (Post 99. Be here now Slut in December, to be exact).   Humm, “self-analyzing philosophical opining.”   Nah, “esoteric ramble” has a better ring to it. 

NEXT: 127: About Compersion, Sex, and Change

 

 

 

 

109. The Tuck, The Spank, and the Slumber

pillowf

Disclaimer: The image I used doesn’t directly relate to this story. It just seemed to be a good tease and may relate to what you imagine happens when I say goodnight to Kayla. I will admit we sometimes get a bit silly, but no pillow fighting… yet!

As I mentioned in other posts, I got in the habit of going to Kayla’s room just before bedtime to say goodnight. We found we really looked forward to these moments and we have been trying hard to start them earlier and earlier so we could talk more.  It has become a time where she and I can both share and reflect on the day in a very calm and comfy atmosphere.

When we would finally say our goodnights and she said, “Goodnight, Ma’am,” I told her that for our “tuck-in talks” she can call me Mrs. H.  So now she says, “Goodnight Mrs. H.” The reason I did this is that these talks have been very warm and also very non-subby (is that a word?).  Anyway, they often had nothing to do with the topic of D/s.   These talks have become an additional bonding opportunity that is different from other opportunities we have.

THE TUCK. . .
Last night (Friday), our talk ran over and we missed our 10:30 curfew. Kayla actually noticed when it was 10:30 but as I started to leave her room I turned and asked her something, which turned into more talking. Mike happened to come by about 10:33 and I was still in Kayla’s room. I told him it was my fault as Kayla told me it was 10:30 but I was the one who kept talking. Mike thought for moment and then said that this was not acceptable from either one of us.

. . . the Spank
Mike told me to take off my clothes as I hadn’t undressed yet for bed, and he told Kayla, who was already naked, to get up from her bed – yes, be both sleep in the buff, per our rules. He said that this was serious because he shouldn’t have to worry about the two of us doing something together that was against the rules. At least one of us should recognize what is happening and stop it before it happens.   He said it wasn’t enough that Kayla mentioned it was 10:30. Kayla should have told me to go, or turned her own light off and got into bed and ignored me, or even gone to get him.

Wow. I hadn’t really thought about a situation where we would have to tell on each other!?!  It seems so childish. However, I understand that it is the only way to ensure one of us didn’t become an accomplice to the other’s rule breaking. Mike went on to say he never wants to be in a position of having to figure out who is at fault. If one of us doesn’t come to him in a situation like this, then we are both equally at fault, period.   He also says that any situation where we collectively transgress, the punishment will be greater than usual. He feels we need to think twice about every collectively doing something we aren’t supposed to.

This was another one of those “Dom” moments with Mike that really turn me on.  I love it when he deals with a situation we had never talked about before and he figures out a way to deal with it in a very Dom-like manner.  It makes me tingle just thinking about it… I digress.

Kayla’s bed is situated in the middle of the room, with space both to the left and right of the bed.   He told me to get on one side, and Kayla the other, and bend over so our elbows are on the bed and we are to hold hands and not talk – he would be back.   He returned with two implements I dread. One was the rubber prison strap, and the other was our 24-inch oak paddle I call “the Thrasher.”

He told us he was going to use quite a bit of force and he would start with me. There would be four with The Thrasher, followed by three with the strap. I knew that with the lower number of swats came a greater intensity to each swat.  He said I would receive them first, then Kayla, and then back to me, and then back to Kayla – so 14 total for each of us. He also gave us a phrase to say in counting each swat, something we don’t often do. After giving the count we had to add, “Thank you Sir, I will not conspire with Kayla/Ma’am to break any rules.” If we don’t say it correctly, the count starts back at 1.

I got my first 7. They were tough. My concerns was less about my stinging butt and more about whether or not Kayla would be able to be quiet through these. The room is far enough away from J’s such that noise should not be an issue, but Kayla is a crier and these were not ordinary swats.  While they were hard, at least Mike paused a moment in between each one, making them more bearable than if they were in quick succession.

Kayla’s first round didn’t go so well. When she got to three, she said, “Three.  Thank you Sir, I will not conspire with Ma’am to break my rules.”   She was supposed to say, “any” rules.   So Mike started back at 1. Then she was so quick to recite the phrase, she forgot to count 1, so again, he re-started at 1. She ended up with 11 her first go round, 8 with the paddle and 3 with the strap.   She started crying early into the spanking and her cries grew louder with each one.

We had to maintain eye contact with each other throughout and it was painful for me to look into her eyes as she was struck. When she would drop or turn her head in pain after being spanked, Mike would tell her to get her head up and look me in the eye, else he would start over. Normally I like watching a spanking. I identify with the sense of submission and it makes me feel good. I think I didn’t connect that way this time in part because the spanking was my fault, and in part because she looked so pained. I’ve seen the expression before, and Kayla assures us she enjoys this and that she is just prone to crying a lot, but still, it made me want to just take them all for her.

I got my next 7, and again on Kayla’s last round she flubbed the phrase, this time at six! So she was up to 13 for that round.  When Mike was done he told Kayla she would get two more with the paddle and one with the strap because she failed to keep eye contact with me too many times.  He would also repeat these three strokes for as long as it took until she maintained eye contact throughout.  Fortunately she was able to do so after just one set of the three. So in all, she got 24 to my 14. It doesn’t sound like much of a difference but for the force and type of implements used, it is a significant difference.

We stood in a group hug during the Closing Ceremony (aka after care).   It took Kayla quite a while to fully stop crying and her butt was very red. I think Mike felt bad about the thought of sending her off to bed alone and thus told her she could sleep with us. That quickly improved her spirits.

Mike told us to get to bed and he would go shower and be there soon – but that we wouldn’t have sex that night. Mike and I have generally avoided sex right after an intense punishment. While I sense this is not normal (as if anything DD is normal), we don’t like connecting a punishment to sex. We think this is also important for Kayla. While we can be intimate in an embrace or even kissing, no sex after a spanking.

…and the Slumber
Kayla and I got into our bed as Mike showered.  I continued to hold her tightly and consoled her as she was still teary eyed and not completely over the spanking.  I was on my back and she was half on top of me, half on my side, with her head on my chest. I told her I was sorry for causing the punishment and she tried to reassure me it wasn’t my fault and joked, “At least it led to me getting to sleep with you all.”

When Mike was ready for bed he crawled in next to us. Normally when Kayla sleeps with us Mike will sleep between me and Kayla. It isn’t a rule, just something we started doing. Kayla was already in my arms as Mike just crawled into bed next to us.  We all kissed each other goodnight.  As the kisses between Kayla and I lingered, Mike reminded us there was no sex tonight and we should stop before it went further, so we stopped.

While Kayla seemed content in my arms, I know her favorite position is being on top of Mike, with his arms wrapped around her with her head on his chest. So I told her it was okay if she wanted to go lay on Mike. Like a good sub, she asked Mike, “Sir, is it okay if I stay on Ma’am until I fall asleep?”   Mike said it was if it was okay with me, which it was. Kayla fell asleep in my arms. I didn’t ask her, but I sensed it was her way of saying she forgave me for causing the punishment. It felt really good to hold her like that.

NEXT: 110.  I Spy…something Poly! In defense of Millennials!

106. Wandering of Thoughts

wanderthought

When I wrote this I realized I had a potpourri of a wandering of thoughts with some scintillating sizzle of spankings and sex.  As it was long winded, I broke it into two posts, because if you are like me, you prefer to read shorter posts (which means you don’t prefer many of my posts!).  Hey, I am trying to keep the reader in mind.  

WANDERING OF THOUGHTS
I figured out that being accountable for Kayla’s submission doesn’t equate to me being a Dom.  My duties in that matter are a combination of my submission to Mike and my love for Kayla.   My actions, even when ordering, reprimanding, or spanking Kayla, are at the behest of Mike.  In addition, I want to see Kayla flourish as she looks for the level of submission that works for her.  The three of us have a mutual understanding regarding my role and we are not naïve to the fact that we can’t fully understand it until we live it for more than just one week.  Over time, Kayla may need more or less of me, or I may need more or less accountability of her, or Mike’s needs can even change – which leads me to opine about one of the roles of a Dom, at least from my perspective.

It was commented on one of my posts that there is a perception the life of a dom is being fed grapes and receiving endless blowjobs.  We haven’t done the grapes thing, but, yes, I am sure Mike considers the bj’s as fringe benefits.  However, as the saying goes, “With great power comes great responsibility.”    That definitely applies to a Dom, so such benefits come with great responsibility.  In other words, “With great BJ’s comes great responsibility!”  Yes, I consider myself great at it and from what I’ve seen, Kayla is great too. In fact, I think I finally realized that from a guys perspective, there is no such thing as a bad bj. . . I digress.

Swift Adjudication of the Situation
In my role with Kayla, I was surprised how my mind races in the moment that I need to do something Dom-like.  Kayla transgresses and my mind starts firing off ideas like, “Say this… no, wait, say that… no that’s not it, do this…no wait, not that either, try that.”   I know this results in a weak delivery of whatever I end up saying or doing.  One thing I enjoy in my submissiveness is Mike’s quick and firm adjudication of a situation (that has a nice alliterative ring to it!).   I can imagine how disappointing it is to Kayla when I fumble for the right action to take. 

JUST DO IT
I’ve talked about this with both Mike and Kayla.  In some ways it is a turnabout of Kayla’s issue of not being able to articulate her feelings, except for me, it is not being able to articulate dominance.  The solution is the same as what we have encouraged Kayla to do.  Like the Nike slogan, “Just do it.”   Set loose the first idea that comes to mind and go with it in confidence.    Don’t worry about the perfect solution, as the best solution is the one that comes quickly and boldly, regardless what it is.  If I do go too far or not far enough, we can calibrate at a Maintenance Session.

“Tramatize me!?!” Uh, no. 
This experience has made me realize what Mike had to go through when we first started Domestic Discipline and even what he is going through now with Kayla.   He has to make an educated guess on how to react. Like with me, with Kayla he would rather err on the side of too little, and work his way up to meet her needs.  That is preferable than risking traumatizing her by going too far.   We’ve all three talked about this and Kayla’s response was a bold, “Then traumatize me and I’ll tell you when it’s gone too far!”  I reminded her that while that may help find her limits faster, it is not worth the price of knowing we did that to her.  Plus, it isn’t just about what she is able to “take,” it is also about what we are willing to deliver.  It may sound good to her, but such trauma has both physical and emotional consequences for her.  We told her to just trust us and that we will get to her limits in a safe way.

There have been many conversations with the three of us as well as just between Mike and Kayla regarding what she is looking for in her submission.   Mike and I agree that just because she is asking for greater consequences doesn’t mean that is what is best for her.  Mike and I have both adopted a slow escalation of things to ensure we don’t go too far, too fast.  Mike communicated this to Kayla and while she accepted it, it was clear this was not her preference.

A Respite from Meanie!
Mike has definitely adopted a “meaner” tone with Kayla than with me.  He is not callous, uncaring, or malicious.  He is just much more stern and exact in what he requires of her.  I admittedly have a hard time doing that.  It would be easy to say it just isn’t in my nature, but it isn’t in Mike’s either.  He is simply adjusting to what Kayla has communicated regarding her needs. 

My biggest fear is that if Kayla is getting the same “mean” treatment from both of us, where is her respite?  I think it is important for her to have someone close to her that she can confide in that has nothing to do with her being a submissive.  Sort of like how I have Donna for that.   Note that by “confide” I do not mean share things with someone that she doesn’t share with us.  That is against our rules.  We share everything regarding our thoughts and feelings.  It is more about having a different sounding board to help one sort through their thoughts.  We would still close the loop and share any new insights or conclusions.  

As a result of this discussion, Kayla said she had a close friend that she would be willing to confide in if it was agreeable to us.  Kayla has a good friend, we will call F, who is a gay man she met in college and has known for four years.   They are close, and have gone to parties, concerts and road trips to together.  We have met him once, which really isn’t enough to earn our confidence, however, we trust Kayla in that if she feels he is trustworthy, then fine by us.  Thus, Kayla talked to F and shared some of what is going on.  She’ll reveal more to him over time.  Apparently his initial reaction was positive and Kayla said “he is cool with it.” 

With F as the designated “respite care giver”, Kayla jokingly said, “Okay, Ma’am, so you see, you can be mean to me too!”   Ug!  I told her that I would do my best..or is it my worst?… but that she must remember she always has the power to stop things.  We created a safewords of sorts for her to use to tell me that she needs me to just be “Mrs. H” and not Ma’am.  She just needs to say she needs “Mrs. H.”

NEXT: 107. OUR NEW NORMAL? Sizzle, Spankings, Sex?

50. Five Acts of Service

Hey, my 50th post!!

This post is being done “under orders.”  You’ll read why in a bit.  Not that I need orders to allow me to post, but this is the first time he has required that I post something.  I’ll get to that in a bit.

The evolution of our DD has moved rapidly over the last week.  Even that sentence illustrates the evolution as previously I would have called it “my” Domestic Discipline.  Mike has assumed a more Dominant role and instead of just following the prescription of DD that I created, he is starting to assert his own – in earnest!  While it may not fully be “my” DD anymore, this still remains the level of service and submission that I want to give him.

One nuance of my new found Service and Submission is that I am not just doing what I am told.  I am more focused on anticipating Mike’s needs.  This became clear to me as he was talking to me about what he expected of me.  He said it is simply impractical to make up lists of duties and obligations and I needed to start thinking of ways to anticipate what he wants. The way he put it was, “You know all my preferences and pet peeves, so now it was time for you to accommodate all of them.”   ‘Nuf said.

I’ve been able to immediately do that.  There is a lot of, “Would you like this, Sir,” Would you like that, Sir,”  “What service would you like from me now, Sir?”   Right now it is fun because it is new and novel, I hope I feel that way a month from now.

Mike told me to come up with FIVE THINGS THAT I FEEL WOULD BETTER SERVE HIM.  He didn’t want me to tell him what they were, just that I should start doing them and blog what the five things are. 

Thus, his order for me to blog this!

Here’s the challenge –

At our Maintenance Session on Sunday he will name 5 things that he noticed me doing that he found the most meaningful and memorable to him.  He said the key is to come up with 5 mind-blowing things that would differentiate themselves from the many other new things I am doing to serve him.  My challenge was to understand that of all the new things I was doing for him, which 5 would make him feel the most served.  My service to him in this task is to show that I understand what 5 things would mean the most to him.  If I fail in that service, I will be punished.

On Sunday he will name me the five things he felt were the most meaningful.  He will then pull up this post and see if they match to the five things I noted.

The threat of punishment really wasn’t necessary, but definitely an added incentive, as this sounded like a fun challenge.  We’ll see just how fun if I fail to get the 5 right.  Anyway, it will hopefully illustrate how well I know him and not just his needs, but which needs he will most appreciate me fulfilling.

and one caveat, the 5 acts of service can’t include sex.  He said those acts are already a given, and he is looking for new, non-sexual ways for me to serve.

Coming up with Five
His biggest pet peeves have to do with organization.  He isn’t exactly a neat freak, but close enough.  He is definitely much neater than I am and will take time to put things away organized and orderly.  I tend (until now) to just put away something in the first space I can find and as long as I can close the drawer or shut the door, that’s neat enough for me – out of sight, out of mind.  That’s not Mike.  So, my belief is that by focusing on five uber-cleanliness ideas, he is certain to take notice of these things above all else I am doing to serve him in new ways.  Here’s what I came up with:

  1. Closet and Dresser
    I reorganized his dresser so socks, undies, shirts, etc., are all neatly organized, insanely well folded, and meticulously sorted. For instance, blacks next to dark grays next to light grays, next to blues next to whites. In the closet I hung all his shirts the same direction and even set the hangers equally spaced apart from one another.  It looks really cool, and yes, perhaps a bit creepy as if the closet belongs to one of those perfectionist-germophobe-anal retentive-serial killer types.   Anyway, it looks really cool.  Mike already commented that this looked phenomenal.  I think I got this one down for sure!
  2. Picking out his Clothes
    I pick out two things from which he can choose to wear the next day and have them hanging on nice wooden hangers where he can easily see them when he walks into the closet. This includes pants, shirt, socks, and tie. (He normally doesn’t have to wear a tie to work, but sometimes he does if there are client meetings).   I did get a “thank you” each day this week when I did this.  I think this one is pretty solid in the “memorable” column.
  3. Ironed and Polished
    I polished his shoes and each night before I get in bed I give them a quick buff. I ironed all his shirts, even his t-shirts and his shorts.  I’ve never done that before – neither has he.  We’ve ironed his work shirts before, but never ironed his casual clothes as well.  This is a major thing for me to take on as it could be very time consuming to maintain.  I hope I am not taking on too much with this one.  Funny, but ironing is one of those iconic 1950’s wifely things to do and now I am doing it.    He definitely noticed this one and I even got a “Wow” from him.  That’s three down, I am sure.
  4. Bathroom
    I am a little worried about this one. Not sure it is memorable enough and that he would think to categorize all of these as a “bathroom” experience.  He may look at each thing as separate.  I hope he doesn’t pick two of these things and count them separately, and then he missed the next one?   If he does, that’s his call and I’ll accept it.I reorganize the medicine cabinet and sink cabinets and insanely cleaned the entire bathroom. I even used an old toothbrush to scrub the nooks and crannies.  It sparkles!   While a clean bathroom is nice, (our’s is now immaculate), I am not sure it rises to the level of memorable.  So I tied this in with an overall “bathroom experience.”I put the little fold on the toilet paper like they do at hotels.  Also, when he gets in the shower I take the towels and run them in the dryer for a few minutes and then stand outside the shower, on my knees and naked, holding out the warm towel and I’ll ask him if he would like me to dry him off.  This didn’t work one night because I had already fallen asleep by the time he took his shower and I didn’t wake up when he came into the room.  It’s a bit of a challenge when you are given an early bedtime and he decides to shower late!  I also leave notes on our mirror for him as well.  When he gets home from work the note he sees is a tame love note, but the one he sees at night (when our son is already in bed and not likely to find reason to come into or bathroom), is erotic and steamy.
  5. His Car
    After he gets home I check his car and not only pick up any trash, but vacuum if needed, clean the windows and tires, and I give the interior a shot of air freshener. In the mornings, I go out and give his car another shot of air freshener as well.   I’ll check to make sure his car doesn’t need gas and if so, offer to go fill it up for him, and if dirty, take it to the car wash.  Luckily his car was dirty so I got to take it to a car wash for him and I topped off the tank. Now that it is clean, it is typically just a quick wipe of the windows and tires, pick up anything inside, give a quick shot of air freshener, and I am done, all in just a few minutes.   I feel pretty good about this one being memorable.  We’ll see!

As of this writing, I already completed all 5 and are now just maintaining them each day!  I’ve been very busy this last few days!

In addition I’ve been doing some other things that are new and service oriented.  My concern is that he might value one or more of those new things over the five I listed above.

Wave of Energy!
I am in constant motion every day!  Other than sitting down to blog and journal, I haven’t had a moment of idle time.  But the thing is, instead of feeling wiped out, I feel energized.  The day seems to zip past.   Despite the chores, I am excited, enthusiastic, and, I know it isn’t dragging me down because I am also extra horny.

Approaching a Wall?
I have this sense that at some point I may hit a wall.  I shared this thought with Mike.  He said he will be on the lookout for that and wants me to say something the moment I begin to lose this boost of steam I’ve found.  I believe this steam comes from this initial thrill I am getting with amping up my Service to Mike, but it also comes from the fact I am getting really good rest.  Mike has kept me on a strict bedtime!

Pampering!
I am so glad I shared with Mike that I am concerned that I am riding a high and could crash at some point.   Sharing my thoughts and feelings are a requirement of our DD, and this is a great example of where it pays off to do so.  Mike said he will give me a specific task for the day and sometimes those tasks are pampering treats.  For instance, today he wanted me to get a manicure and pedicure tomorrow.  Oh darn, I guess I will have to figure out how to fit that in.   For today he asked me to go purchase some hanging flower baskets to freshen up our back patio.  Darn again!  I get to go shopping, and I love gardening activities.  HOWEVER, there is a catch – I have to either wear my butt plug, nipple clamps, or breast binder whenever I go out on a “pampering treat.”

I don’t think I mentioned the breast thingy before.  Perhaps “halter” is a better name for it?  Not sure what they call it.  It was something Mike got some time ago.  I’ve worn it at home as part of punishments, but never wore it out until now.  I can have a bra on over it.  It is worn like a bra and has straps that encircle my breasts that you can tighten, given them a tight squeeze.  It can get very tight where my tits can start getting pink/purple.   Mike wants to make sure there is some reminder of my service to him even when I am getting pampered.   I found if I wear the right baggy t-shirt, I can have it on and it not be too noticeable.  Kinda’ the same thing with the nipple clamps.  I have one pair that is very small and easily hides as long as I am not wearing anything too tight.

Until this Service honeymoon euphoria wears off, I am sure enjoying myself.  It almost doesn’t feel right for it to feel this good and rewarding to serve and submit him – but no one said you have to be miserable in order to Serve.

I am joyful!

Next: 51. Olympic Post: Gold, Brazilian, Cunnilingus?