169. Adding Ritual to our DD

I don’t know what this image is but it evoked the word “Ritual” in me.

This post is part of a series covering discussions Mike and I are having on updating our Domestic Discipline Contract.   On the  previous post I outlined the topics we are updating and covered the new Duties and Obligations.  This post is about the topic of Rituals.   

The idea is not foreign to us as Kayla has several Rituals that her and Mike follow.  I’ve posted about them in Post. 155.  Although our punishment protocol in our current contract is a form of ritual, we haven’t incorporated Rituals as a specific topic.

WHY RITUALS?
Mike refers to Rituals as “refocusing activities.”  For Mike, the most important reason for Ritual is for it serve to feed my submissive mindset and reinforce his Dominant mindset.
Mike said the way we accomplish this in Ritual is to have things that are meditative for me, or, allow both of us to focus our behavior to help us connect with our roles.

This can be especially helpful when we are apart, such as when he is away on business or anytime if say, Mike is not feeling particularly Dom-like or I am feeling off kilter in my submissive mindset.

We also talked about our belief that Rituals, once incorporated in my behavior, simply become part of me and not recognizable as Ritual — in other words, they simply become habit.  At that point, new Rituals are needed.  Once the Ritual become mindless habit,  it looses influence on the mindset, but we will deal with that when the time comes. 

MY THOUGHTS ON RITUALS
I immediately connected with this.  Ritual is something you do because you must, even if you aren’t ready or willing or feel up to it.  Like our current “Reward Ceremony,”  Ritual helps me prepare for the moment more humbly and gracefully while keeping me within the submissive mindset I love.  It can create an anticipation that is itself a powerful influence on my mindset.  Our punishment ritual allows both Mike and I to prepare for, resolve, and recover from, a punishment.    

Ritual can deepen the connection between us.  It can reaffirm the roles we’ve agreed to and open up the mind to the mindset that both of us want to be in.  It can further our bond by creating a special meaning for a shared event.  I’ve seen how powerful it can be with Mike and Kayla.  At best it can reconnect them perhaps after Mike had a hard day at work or following a mistake by Kayla.  At worst it simply serves to reaffirm the connection they are already feeling in the moment.  Great stuff either way!  

RITUALS
Again Mike left some room for me to finalize the details.  He wants five specific Rituals:

1.  ENTERING THE HOUSE RITUAL.   Even when Mike works at home, he gets dressed for work and changes clothes when he is done.  This serves as a visual reminder for him AND for us, that he is working or not working.  This is especially important when he works from home.  Mike wants an “Entering the House Ritual.
   Things like I greet him at the door, take anything in his hands, kiss him hello, and if able, greet him kneeling in the entry way.  These would be adjusted for when he works from home such that I will wait outside the bathroom door as he changes or something like that.  We will work out the details.  
2. MORNING MANTRA / NIGHT MANTRA
   He wants me to come up with a phrase to say each night before getting into bed and each morning before getting out of bed.  Almost like a prayer, but in reverence and praise of Mike and my role as a submissive.  He said it doesn’t have to be long, and he would like me to come up with at least three different phrases for both the nighttime and morning from which he will choose one for each.   
3. PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF SUBMISSION
   When we go out to eat, he will always order for me, choosing both my food and drink.  If I am asked to order by the waiter/waitress, I will look over to Mike and nod my head and say, “Sir?”  He will then place my order.   If I need to use the restroom, answer my cell phone, or otherwise get up from the table, I will always ask him if I may be excused.  This is regardless of who may be with us (and this applies at home as well).  
4. AWAY FROM HOME REMINDERS
   I will receive a “short but firm” spanking anytime we are about to go out together.  The purpose of which is to remind me to be submissive while away from our home environment.  In addition, if we stay the night somewhere, I am to receive a similar spanking when we arrive in a new hotel room (or wherever we are staying).  Again, this is to help keep my submissive mindset while in an unfamiliar settings.  
5. WHEN WE ARE APART
   When Mike is traveling, I will call him at night/in morning and recite the mantras.  We will face time or use other video conferencing at night.  I will be naked and ready to submit to his wishes.  He may ask me to put on nipple clamps, the tack bra, a plug, or other items, and he will have me administer a self-spanking until he is satisfied. 

MY REACTION
MANTRAS – It’s been a fun exercise in writing the mantras.  I don’t have all six written yet but should soon.  I am open to any suggestions.  I am curious if any of you do anything like that and if so, what do you say?

AWAY FROM HOME REMINDERS – I can see these having value.  It’s interesting that already, just the thought of knowing a spanking is in order does a lot for my submissive mindset.  

PUBLIC DISPLAYS – This is the most disconcerting.  My guess is my anxiety about this is unwarranted and in most cases people will be oblivious or won’t care.  

WHEN WE ARE APART – This sounds fun and we have done a little of this before, but it was not formalized.  Spanking myself is new, so that will be interesting.

Overall, just like his new Duties and Obligations, thinking about these Rituals gives part of me gets a tingle while part of me is a bit apprehensive.  Whatever my feelings, I am committed to doing what Mike asks.  None of these things are objectionable to me.

NEXT:  170. Modifying our Maintenance Sessions

 

 

139. A very Adults-only Party

The three of us attended a party at John and Donna’s last night that I refer to as a “Fetlife” party as it included couples that John and Donna met via Fetlife.  There were four other couples as they wanted to keep it small and only include those they knew fairly well.   With us included, there were 13 people – we were the only 3some and all the other couples with male/female couples.  

I am not sure what details would be of interest, but I’ll do my best to provide enough insight that you can get a sense of the atmosphere.  It was sexually charged to say the least.  Also, if you are new to my blog, attending such parties is not the norm for us.  

KAYLA WELCOMES THE GUESTS
We went early to help John and Donna prepare.  When it was time for guest to start arriving, Mike and John moved a bench from their outside patio to just inside the front door entry way.  Kayla was tied to the bench, naked except for her collar, and facing forward with her arms and legs both spread out.  Kayla is very limber and her legs were positioned almost in the splits – one leg tied far to the right and one far to the left.   Mike tacked up a small sign that said, “Touching by hand is allowed.”  As we saw the first couple pull up in their car, they put a blindfold on Kayla and she was told not to speak to anyone.

As each couple arrived we greeted them at the door and introduced ourselves.  As they walked past Kayla, Mike said, “Oh, she’s some decoration and entertainment to help with the mood.”   They all smiled and a couple of the men and one of the women took the opportunity to squeeze Kayla’s breast as they walked by.  One lightly stroked her cheek, and whispered, “Lovely.”   Another, that I’ll call Rudy, grabbed her chin between his thumb and forefinger and moved her head to the left and right, as if to inspect her face. He didn’t say anything but had this look of agreement about him, as if what he saw met to his satisfaction.   More on Rudy later. 

RULES AND DRESS
Once everyone arrived John and Donna made an announcement, sort of a reading of the rules.   John basically just said, “Everyone is free to do anything that was consensual and may the festivities begin.”  Each couple then began changing from their street clothes to their “party” clothes.  

There were all sorts of  kinky outfit.  All the women either had their breasts fully exposed or visible through something very sheer.  A couple of the women wore collars.
Some of the men had get-ups as well – one with his cock exposed, another with a cod piece that you could open and close via a zipper, one in this super tight leather shorts.
One of the other men, along with John and Mike, remained in their “street” clothes.  So lame!  Ha.

I had brought what I call my “breast harness.”  You wear it like a bra but it is cupless and has straps that go around the breast.  You can tighten the straps depending how hard you want to squeeze the breasts.  Mike tightly adjusted it such that I knew my breasts would eventually be a bit purple in about ten minutes.  As for pants, I wore a very small mini skirt, no panties.  

SOCIALLY SEXUAL
The socializing gravitated towards the living room and kitchen area, away from the entry way, so Mike untied Kayla and walked her to the kitchen while she remained blindfolded.  He had her lay out on top of the kitchen table with her back on the table. He tied her down and again he told people they were free to touch the “centerpiece.” 

We got to know each of the couples and found they all were in some sort of D/s, M/s relationship with the woman as the submissive.  All but one couple were married.  One of the women was kept on a leash and had to walk on all fours next to their husband and then kneel next to him whenever he stopped to talk to people.  She did not speak unless he gave her permission to do so.  

A few of us sat around the kitchen table talking, and one of the men told their wife to finger Kayla.   The man, I’ll call Jim, saw the look I gave Mike and he asked Mike, “That is okay, isn’t it?”   Mike looked at me as if I was being disobedient and he said, “Yes, I said you can touch, so yes, your wife or anyone can touch.”

With that the woman, who I’ll call Jane,  started playing with Kayla’s pussy and was soon fingering her.  It was hard to read Kayla’s reaction due to the blindfold, but her  pursed lips told me she was enjoying it.  Eventually Jim asked, “So Mike, I know your sign said touching by hand was okay, what about by if Jane uses her tongue?”   Mike told him that would be fine.  With that, Jane began licking Kayla’s pussy.  Jane was kneeling on the chair and bent over so she could reach Kayla’s tender parts.  As she was going at Kayla, Jim started rubbing Jane’s breasts.  Mike looked over and said, “Jim, can Jen touch Jane?” And with Jim’s approval, I slid my fingers between Jane’s legs.

Jane stopped once Kayla orgasmed, but now she was highly aroused.  She asked Mike and I if we all wanted to fuck.  I simply said I would do anything Mike wished.  Mike actually told them no, that while we were open to playing to a certain degree, for now we want to hold off on fucking. Jane then said, “How about I eat out Jen while my husband fucks me?”   Mike agreed, and with that, Jane got on all fours, buried her face between my legs as I sat in the chair, and her husband entered her from behind.

After everyone was done cumming, we simply talked some more, as if what happened was normal.  As if we just finished an intense card game and went back to idle chit-chat.  I am fully aware these sexcapades are not normal, but abnormal in that they are unusual or not the norm, not because they are abhorrent in any way.  To me this is all very natural.  Being sexually open and comfortable with sex is exciting, natural, and comfortable to me.  And no one we met was judgmental about anyone else’s limits.   We openly talked about what our limits were, whether talking about limits for this party or limits in general.  It was so cool that everyone was confident in their own kink, and not judgmental of the kink of others.  

RIGGED CONTEST
In between various couples having sex, and some couples swapping with each other, John announced a little entertainment.  He had Donna got completely naked, which meant just removing what little she was wearing, and he performed a full body flogging for everyone to watch.  Then, Rudy challenged everyone in the room with, “I’ll put up $100 to go against anyone to see who can make their wife’s ass the darkest red or purple in 30 seconds, winner takes the money and gets to fuck any or all of the losing asses. John and Jim both took him up on the bet.  Mike and two other men declined, but of course we all watched!  

They each put up $100, so the winner got $300 and the “right” to perform anal on any or all of the women who lost.  Other rules were established such that only one implement could be used for the 30 seconds and, the winner would of course use a condom.   Well, Rudy won, but we all smelled a set up.  But in a jovial way, no hard feelings.   

He brought is own paddle that was this homemade paddle that had a few holes along with a couple of pieces of metal that were  attached to it.  The metal had many small raised bumps on it.   In 30 seconds his wife was by far the most bruised and even little bits of blood coming from where the metal bumps hit.   I talked with the woman afterwards and she loved it and said this sort of bet has been a routine of theirs at parties and she almost never loses.   In hindsight, they should have required the spankings to be by hand.  Oh well, at least Mike wasn’t out the $100 and I didn’t have to “service” Rudy.  

So, Rudy got $100 each from John and Jim, and of course, was eager to claim his other prize.  Donna and Jane each got on all fours and he affixed a condom and “claimed his prize.”  As a side note – Rudy had an averaged size dick, but it had this sharp right bend to it, so I imagine it felt it a bit strange.  I wanted to nickname him “Maui” after the character in Moana.  Rudy’s dick reminded me of Maui’s giant magical fish-hook.  Clearly an exaggeration on my part, but still, I saw a resemblance.  (I hope I didn’t ruin a great Disney movie for any of you.  You just might never look at Maui’s fish-hook the same way).

MISCELLANEOUS DEBAUCHERY
There was more fun and debauchery but mostly Mike and I were observers.  I touched a few breasts and gave a few hand-jobs.   All this time Kayla was left on the table.  As the party was nearing the end point, Mike untied Kayla and while keeping her blindfold on, had me dress her with something he had brought for her to wear.  It was her cupless bustier with a sheer, g-string bottom.  Mike then walked her to the middle of the room, removed her blindfold, and formally introduced her to everyone.  Everyone clapped in thanks for her “display” during the party.   Kayla smiled and it wasn’t long before some of the couples propositioned her.  Each time Mike said no, that we were all more in an observation mode, with the few exceptions I already mentioned.   

PARTY’S OVER
The party ended and the last guest left.  Overall it was really fun and I have no complaints.  With a few exceptions Mike seemed very cautious throughout and when he questioned us about what we thought, Kayla expressed that she wanted to explore with some of the other couples if we were to do this again.   Mike then explained why he chose to be cautious and Kayla also shared a revelation she had about herself as a result of the party.  I’ll share those two items on my next post.  

NEXT:  140. Post Party Analysis and Revelation

 

 

 

 

75. Public Display of Submission

If the title got your attention, just know I am referring to something far tamer than say a bare bottom spanking in the middle of the store, or walking down the street in my underwear and in irons – although both of those scenarios sound delightful!  Nope, this is way more simple and innocent, but still gets some great reactions from people.

I’ve mentioned several times before,and again in this recent post, that I have to ask Mike for permission when purchasing anything other than everyday essentials like food and toiletries.  Sometimes I would call him but typically I would text.  Well, Mike had this idea that I should have to call and speak with him and not just text.   His reason was simple.  He said it basically “gets him off” to have me ask for permission and the thought of doing so where others may hear me just makes it that more intense.  Fact is, I enjoy it too.  I like to put my submission on display and this an easy way to do that.

About a week ago we implemented this new rule in that I have to call him for permission.  If he doesn’t pick up I have to leave a message asking for permission and then follow with a text and await a response.  I’ve had to do this several times now – in fact, I think it makes me look for stuff to buy.  That is counter to why the rule exists – but, I’ve found I really enjoy the feeling I get.  It’s like not only am I displaying my devotion publicly, but it has this tinge of the taboo, this mix of mischief, with a smidgen of shock thrown in.   I love the looks I get, and I don’t try to ignore them.  Quite the opposite.  I love to playfully engage people.  It goes something like this,

As I tried on some tennis shoes with the help of a salesman and found the one’s I liked, I announce, “Okay, let me call my husband and get his okay.”   With the salesman standing there and making sure I speak loud enough so anyone nearby can hear. . .

Me to Mike:  “Hi Sir, I’d like permission to buy some new sneakers as my old ones are really worn.

Me to the clerk:  “How much are those again?”

Me to Mike:  “$89, Sir.   What’s that?  Oh, I’ll find out”

Me to the clerk:  “What is that with tax?”  Mike likes to mess with me, but really, we both enjoy messing with the clerk.

Me to Mike:  “It’s about $97.14 with tax Sir.   Yes, Sir, sorry Sir, it was $89.99 before tax, not just $89.  Yes Sir, I’ll remember to be more precise next time.  Thank you, Sir, I love you Sir.”

Me to Clerk:  “Sorry, he said no.   (Pause).   Just kidding, he said yes.  I’ve been extra good to him lately because I’ve been needing new shoes for a while now.  Aren’t you happy he said yes?”

Clerk in disbelief:  Uh… yeah.

The more people who are around the more I love playing this up.  I commented once to a woman who was in ear shot of my conversation with Mike and looked her straight in the eye and with an exaggerated bubbly giggle-like voice said, “I am such a lucky girl to have a husband who sometimes let’s me buy things for myself.”

I am getting bolder in what I say.  My bold-meter is not quite there yet but I am waiting for the right time to say to someone, “I am so glad he said yes, because frankly, I was thinking of buying it anyway and just accepting my spanking.”

It’s starting to be a game with Mike and I.  He is making me ask more and more mundane things of the clerk before he gives permission.  I am waiting for the time he has me really put the clerk through the wringer only to come back and say no, I can’t buy whatever it is.  I am already practicing my pouty face and trying to force some tears and say something like, “My husband said no.  What I am going to do?”

It’s an added thrill to mess with people and think about what they later will tell their spouses or friends about this customer they got today.   That’s just a bonus on top of the great feeling I get when I publicly display my submission like that.  Messing with people is fun.

NEXT: 76.  Meet the Babysitter