Tag Archives: polyamory

110. I Spy. . . something Poly! In defense of Millennials!

spy

Haven’t posted in a while.  Busier than usual days and evenings.  I tend to write a bit here and there and once complete, I post it.  Things have been happening so fast around here that before I finish what I think is something worth sharing, there is something new that tops it that I am anxious to share.  I have many half-written posts!   I am going to go back and finish each one and post them as soon as possible in order to catch you up on the various happenings in Mi Casa de Domestic Discipline.

This post isn’t really a story – just a general observation, actually, a bias of mine, and about our decision to “come out” a bit about our dynamic.  Yeah, that sounds like big news, but frankly, it doesn’t seem that big of deal to me anymore.  More on that later, but first, my general observation – which does tie into my “coming out” story.

MILLENNIALS
I know my feelings about this topic will not apply to all who fit this “label,” but, I think it is a fair generalization, to the extent that generalizations can be fair.  I am sure some of you would disagree with my assessment and I realize that the personal experiences that shaped my views on this may not jive with your experience.   Anyways, enough disclaimers!  What I am talking about is Millennials.  Those are the “kids” that are roughly aged 13-30, depending on what definition you find.   I must admit, I adore and envy Millennials, and my relationship with Kayla just deepens those feelings.

Millennials are often chided as a “special” generation, for thinking they are so “special” or entitled.  I think their proclivity for wanting to be special is misunderstood.  We all want that feeling.  Their “special” isn’t about self-indulgence to excess (that was for the adults of the 1980’s).  Instead, to me most Millennials seem to be more about a willingness to take on a journey of self-actualization.  Or better yet, not just a willingness, but an expectation that others will allow them to take that journey.  Such a journey is not about self-indulgence.  It is about self-discovery – a yearning to discover one’s full potential. Unlike other generations, the Millennials seem more willing to take on that journey and not judge their peers who also take on that journey.

They also seem more inclined to feel special through helping others, not necessarily in helping themselves.  I find Millennials are more open to new experiences and different ideas and are less likely to judge those that come with different ideas forged from different life experiences.   They embrace differences as an opportunity to learn and grow.   They also don’t accept conformity for conformity’s sake.   In the workplace they don’t accept “we’ve always done it that way,” — which sometimes make for a difficult employee!  In the household they don’t accept, “but the family has always done that/believed that/expected that.” — which for some households that can make for a difficult child!  The Millennial want to know why, and if the “why” isn’t meaningful, then they are quick to dismiss that action/belief/expectation.   I find my thinking is more aligned with that generation than with my own generation.

I don’t believe my yet to be born grand-kids or great-grand-kids should live any part of their life out of a sense of tradition or obligation to me or my ancestors.  What a terrible way for them to live.  I don’t care if they prepare the same foods I prepare, celebrate the same holidays I celebrate, or believe the same things I believe.  I want them to embrace whatever opportunities and experiences are available to them during their time on this earth, unencumbered by my beliefs or expectations.  Let them find the food, holidays, and beliefs that suit them, not me!

Okay, enough of that rant.

I SPY POLYAMORY
Kayla had a few friends over that we had the opportunity to meet.  There was maybe a fifteen or twenty-minute conversation with them before they left for the event they were all going to with Kayla.   But in that time some of them were able to sense there was something different with the dynamic going on in the house.   Although we didn’t do anything that would be obvious, some of them pegged us for having some sort of deeper relationship with Kayla than her just being a tenant.  (“Peg” as in “identify” or “figured out” and not in the kink use of the term.  Just wanted to be clear for all you warped minds out there!).

It goes back to something I shared in a prior post – actually several I think.  That is, your mind is more readily able to identify the things to which it is open.  When you are open to more differences, call it, more “colors of the rainbow,” then you suddenly are able to recognize those colors are present.  I think this enabled some of her friends to quickly pick up on some subtle signs between how Mike, Kayla, and I interacted and in turn, identify what those subtle signs meant.

After Kayla left with her friends and they were out on their afternoon together, one of her friends said, “So, how long have you been sleeping with the H’s?”  Kayla did her best to deny it, but she knew they weren’t buying it.  Suffice to say, now some of Kayla’s friends know there is a three-way dynamic going on with Kayla and us.  Most of them define it as Kayla being in a polyamorous relationship with an older married couple.  They didn’t seem to connect the dots re D/s relationship, but they were attuned enough to at least connect that there was something sexual going on.   Although Kayla never outright confirmed it with them, it was clear they knew.

Kayla told us what happened and we talked about how she should handle further inquiry from them.  We asked her to just remain coy.  Let their imagination fill in any blanks, and don’t overly deny anything while also not confirming anything.

Kayla said one of her friends brought it up again to her and Kayla basically told her, “So what if there is?  If there is, do you think the three of us would want everyone to know?   And if there isn’t, then do you think we want people thinking that there is?”    She said her friend said something to the effect, “I don’t care either way, I was just curious.   Fine if you are, fine if you aren’t.  And apparently you are and you don’t want to talk about it.  Cool with me.”   To that Kayla said, “Fine, then, that’s settled,” to which they replied, “but aren’t they kinda old for you?”  Kayla said that her friend’s follow up questions were only about the age difference.  No questions about how could she partake in such a relationship – no, the fascination from her friends isn’t about why she is basically in a Triad with a married couple.  Nope.  That doesn’t seem too remarkable to her friends.   But the age difference – oh, that was remarkable.

So, now some of Kayla’s friends basically know there is something more to our relationship with Kayla and we okay with that.  We have reached a point that while we don’t want to advertise our sexual proclivities, we aren’t opposed to people knowing or suspecting things.

I was curious about what it was that her friends saw such that their minds leaped to such a far-out conclusion?  Kayla came back and reported this – Their first clue was whenever they talked to Kayla about her living with us.  They said there was this spark in Kayla’s eyes and tone in her voice that made her appear bit giddy to just talk about us.   The second clue was when Mike and I were in the living room talking to her friends, waiting for Kayla to finish getting ready for their afternoon out.  They said the demeanor of both Mike and I changed when Kayla walked into the room.  They said they couldn’t exactly explain it, but our eyes perked up and the tone in our voice changed when we talked to Kayla.  When we said goodbye to them as they left for their event, they said the way we said goodbye to her seemed to be different.  They couldn’t exactly describe what it was, but it just felt different and two of the three of her friends picked up on this.

I am sure those same “signals” are there when we are with other people, but it was only this group – this group of millennials – that were able to read the signals.  OR – it could be others read it but would be too embarrassed to ask.   Either way, this group not only read the signals, but thought nothing of asking Kayla about it.  I find this very interesting.

I asked John and Donna if they sensed anything like that between Mike, Kayla, and me.  They said no, but, since they know what is going on, perhaps it is harder to see those “signals.”

LETTING OTHERS KNOW?
This experience fed a growing interest in me to reveal to my sisters my DD lifestyle and our relationship with Kayla.  We are very close and share all sorts of things, and I have always felt a bit guilty for not sharing this with them.  I don’t need their acceptance but I do value their input, even if critical.  Also, I was now curious to know if they suspected anything.  I talked with Mike and he agreed that I could do so.

In the past year I had shared with my sisters that Mike and I have adjusted our relationship such that I decided to turn over more decisions to him and I actually used the term “be a more submissive housewife.”  They know I put a lot of energy into my son’s needs and that I’ve always been a bit of a control freak, so they accepted that I was in need of a break.   I did not try to dispel their view that they saw this as more about Mike stepping up and taking more responsibilities than they saw it as me stepping down and being submissive.  I certainly didn’t share with them that I am spanked or punished in any way.

For a bit more context about my relationship with my sisters – we probably share more than typical sisters share.  We all probably know more about each other’s sex life than we should, and they know about my “bisexual experiences” (as they call it) with Amy. (as shared in Post 73 Pube Shaving Party, 64 Strip Quarters, and 62. Sexual Adventures of a Pre-DD Jenny).    And I know about some of their more “out there” sexual experiences – but DD and my relationship with Kayla would top them all as being the most “out there.”

Anyway, I plan to tell them. Not sure when – it’s not like I am going to call them and say, “Guess what…”  I’d like to tell them together and figure the best time will be the next time the three of us sisters have a lunch together.  I’ll try to schedule one with them soon.

So, there you have it.  We’ve been “outed” a bit by some of Kayla’s friends, and we are going to out ourselves a bit to my sisters.   This reflects a growing comfort and respect I have for our lifestyle.  I know this lifestyle is not one that most people would choose, nor that most people could handle, but it works well for us.

While we want to continue being discreet and we won’t outwardly proclaim or display our lifestyle with all but a select few, we also won’t’ go out of our way to deny it to those that ask or suspect something.  I am not ashamed of my submission or of our relationship with Kayla. We have even thought through how to handle this news with our three children, if it comes to that.  No plans to share, but we will be ready if necessary.  But hey, they are all Millennials, so they can handle it, right?  Ha!  I know it is way different when the subject is your parents and not your peers. Can you say, “Therapy!”

NEXT 111.  DD Jenny Style vs. Kayla Style

 

101. Compersion – with a side of Submission and Spanking

orders

I started writing this over the weekend although didn’t post until now.  Kayla has moved in, but let me first take you back about a week or so . . .

Kayla was spending more time with us as her move-in date neared.  She would pop-in at various times of the day, and evenings, and spent the night a few times.  Mike then realized something was wrong and he told Kayla she could no longer just show up as she pleased.  It was very un-sub like! 

For context – This began on Wednesday, December 14.   Our son J would be off for the Christmas and New Year’s break starting Monday, 12/19.  In addition, Mike was working from home all day for the 15th and 16th.

THE SCHEDULE
Mike told her that he felt it was unwise and unsubmissive to allow her to pick-and-choose when to be submissive or when she wanted to sleep with us.  She must come over on Thursday and Friday, arriving at 9am and that she would leave at 4pm.  That night she was expected to return and spend the night with us, and also come over for dinner and spend the night on Saturday.  For the following week they would discuss her needs and he would set a firm schedule for her.  The alternative to all of this would be that she could not come over until the move in date.

Mike’s actions were a pleasant surprise to me.  I love it when he does dom-like things that I am not expecting.  I found it erotic to hear his firm commands to Kayla regarding her schedule.   It also showed great awareness on his part for needing to exert his dominance as her carefree approach to her coming and going was not in keeping with a submissive mindset. 

Her only response was “Yes, Sir. I’ll stick to your schedule.”  Mike didn’t end his instructions there.

THE PUNISHMENT
Mike told her that her unsub-like attitude deserved punishment.  For her visit on Thursday and Friday she is to text him just before arriving to ensure J was not home.  She was to let herself in and immediately disrobe once inside.  She was not to say anything to me (if I was home) and was to immediately go and choose a spanking implement and go into Mike’s office.  Once there she was not to make any eye contact with Mike at any time.  She is to stand in the corner, holding the implement, and awaiting further instruction.  When he is ready she is to get on her knees and hold up the implement to Mike, again without making eye contact.  Mike will then instruct her as to the position she is to take and he will then spank her for five minutes at the speed and force of his choosing.  He again stressed she is not to make eye contact with him.  She will be instructed when to leave the room and there will be no aftercare.  She is to return at the top of every hour, never early and never late and this scene will be repeated.  The “closing ceremony” will take place at the 3pm.session.  (As per both my contract and Kayla’s, the closing ceremony outlines the aftercare that occurs after a punishment).

“ELABORATE”
He asked Kayla what her feelings were about this.  As I covered in other posts, Kayla has a hard time expressing herself and one of the things she wants to work on is sharing what is truly on her mind.  As part of her contract she is expected to explain her feelings anytime she is asked.   If her answer is unsatisfying she will be asked to “elaborate.”  That word is her queue that she has one last chance to express herself to our satisfaction or else she will be punished.  No stammering or hesitations.  It’s okay if she is uncertain, but she must state whatever comes to mind and she is allowed to amend or elaborate as necessary.  The key is she needs to express something, anything.  It doesn’t have to be “correct.”  Just quickly express her feelings with whatever words come to mind. 

To Kayla’s credit, she had a quick and thorough answer.  “I feel good about it, Sir.  I deserve it and while it makes me anxious, it also makes me happy to know that you are looking out for the things I said I needed and wanted.  I am ready.”   No need to elaborate there.

Kayla arrived the next morning, on time, and proceeded according to plan.  Kayla picked a medium-sized wooden paddle for her first spanking of the day.  Despite my curiosity I avoided hanging out near Mike’s office. 

COMPERSION
It will be odd to some of you but I felt that this punishment was between Mike and Kayla.  In my mind any eavesdropping on my part would diminish their experience together.  I feel that way in general and not just about this particular punishment.  I want Mike and Kayla to have a relationship that doesn’t always include me.   It excites me to allow Mike to explore on his own (as per Post 90 – Mike’s Date Night with Donna).  I know that is counter-culture and is contrary to how I am “supposed” to feel.  But it is my true feeling – I enjoy Mike’s enjoyment, even when it means he is experiencing something without me. 

I also enjoy it for Kayla.  I love the thought that she is exploring and experiencing a relationship with Mike that is her own – without my interference.  I am around plenty, and I am involved plenty, so there is no reason for me to insert myself at every opportunity to do so just because I am able.  I already told Mike and Kayla they don’t have to inform me of the things they experience together.  They can share if they are wanting to share, but they shouldn’t do so out of a sense of obligation to share with me.  I get a thrill out of thinking of Kayla and Mike’s relationship as their own, different from my relationship with Mike and different from my relationship with Kayla.   Compersion!  I never heard the term until recently but it fully describes what I feel.    

BACK TO THE SPANKING
Although I avoided going near Mike’s office, I could hear Kayla crying.  When she came out she immediately came to me and had me hold her.  I just let her cry for a while and eventually asked her what she was feeling.  She said it was a mixed bag of emotions.  Part good – happy and love.  Part bad – disappointment and embarrassment.  She felt she let Mike down and also felt embarrassed in front of me.   Oh, and of course, part of her, her ass to be precise, felt bad from pain. 

I reassured her that her feelings were normal and I feel that way too at times.  I told her that sometimes I have to remind myself that Mike does not feel let down.  Our submission is about our commitments to ourselves and feelings of letting someone down should be directed to ourselves.  Then, use that feeling as fuel for upholding the things we committed to.   As far as being embarrassed in front of me, I told her that for me, I relate the feeling of embarrassment to one of vulnerability.  As a submissive I thrive on feeling vulnerable to Mike, thus embarrassment is welcomed and enjoyed.  She wants to be submissive to me, thus her embarrassment is actually demonstrating the vulnerability she is feeling and that vulnerability in turn demonstrates her submission.  I encouraged her to try to welcome that feeling and wear it with pride, not shame. 

She stopped crying and said she thinks she gets it.  She then said her other feeling was one of being anxious over the rest of the day as she was in for many more sessions (six more!).  She wasn’t sure she could take it.   I told her I could relate.  One of the worst parts of a deferred punishment is the deferring – that waiting and knowing what is to come.  I told her ultimately she would need to discover what works best for her in dealing with that feeling, however, I would share how I do it.
 
Again, I try to tie it back into my submission.  In this case Mike is choosing to prolong the punishment and purposely making her feel the anticipation of what is to come.  So if that anticipation manifests itself as anxiety, or nervousness, or whatever the feeling is, it is that feeling that we are submitting ourselves to. That doesn’t make the feeling go away, but for me it makes it easier to accept and helps make it feel more positive than negative.  So whether we are submitting to a spanking that physically hurts, or submitting to the anxiety of the deferred punishment, it is still all about submission.  In that way, it makes me joyful.  Lastly, as for the pain part, I reminded her that the safe words are there for a reason and don’t hesitate to use them. 

#2
Kayla became more apprehensive as the top of the next hour approached but I chose not to bring it up or ask her anything as I thought it would just add to her anxiety.   She went to Mike’s office and soon I again heard her cries.  She came out and again rushed into my arms.  I didn’t say anything to her for some time.  I just held her and rubbed her back.  As she calmed down I asked her again how she was feeling.  She said that it was better than the first time.  She tried to connect the various feelings with her submission and that “sort of” worked.  She said she wasn’t completely there, but felt better about it.  She also said she longs for the closing ceremony with Mike and that she feels empty leaving the punishment without him holding her.   I simply acknowledged that this was tough and I can imagine feeling the same way and I was sorry she had to go through that. 

#3
Another hour and another spanking.  I didn’t hear any crying but could hear an occasional “Ow!”  She came out teary eyed but did not need my consoling.  She told me it hurt like heck but she was able to get through it and is determined to get through it.  I reminded her not to hold back her feelings and if she needs to cry, cry.  She said she did not and the feelings of embarrassment or of letting Mike down were gone.  She said any look of distress was simply due to her throbbing butt, which, after three sessions, was quite red.  

#4
Another hour and another spanking.  I didn’t hear anything coming out of the room.  When she emerged she was teary eyed but smiling.  She told me that Mike put down the implement and simply used his hand.   While she got a “ton of spankings” they didn’t seem as intense to her.  When she showed me her ass I could see that every square inch was red.  One thing with hand spankings is that it is easier to direct your aim to specific parts and it looked like Mike’s intention was to fully cover her ass.     

#5
She was in there a lot longer and when she came out she was crying.  She told me she had to use her safe word several times to have Mike pause for a while.  She said it is also driving her crazy that Mike is not saying anything to her.  He just tells her to get in whatever position, spank her, and then says, “we’re done.”  I held her and reassured her she was handling this all very well and was almost through it. 

#6
She emerged with teary eyes but didn’t seek any consoling from me.  I asked her what she was feeling and she said “fine.”  I felt bad for pushing for an answer but given her need to better express herself I felt I couldn’t just let it go.  I asked her to “elaborate.”  She said that she is focused on her submission and everything she is feeling can be summed up as “submissive.”  She is joyful in her submission and any tears are out of physical discomfort only and that emotionally she is joyful and she looks forward to the final spanking and Closing Ceremony. (that’s basically our term for After Care as per the Contract).

#7
She was in Mike’s office for twenty minutes.  I walked by the office and it was quiet.  Through the closed door I told them I was leaving to pick up J.  Mike simply said, “Okay, we’ll be done by the time you return.”  

Kayla was taking a bath when I returned home.  I went to speak with her and I could see her eyes were red and puffy from all the crying, but she was smiling and happy.  When I asked her what she was feeling she proclaimed, “Proud, happy, excited, love!  I am looking forward to returning tomorrow.”  I didn’t see the need to ask her to elaborate.  

I never asked Mike what occurred and he never told me.  Later he told me that Kayla really seems to “get it” regarding being submissive and wants him to continue being strict with her.   As much as I’d like to know the details of what went on in the last session, I take solace in simply knowing the outcome.  Kayla was happy.   

GETTING UP TO DATE
The next day (December 16) she received the same punishments as the day before, but in emerging from each session she never sought solace from me.  She would be a bit teary eyed, but it appeared she did little crying.  Mike did each spanking by hand this time and Kayla said she really liked that.   After the first few sessions I stopped even asking her how she was feeling as each time she said “Wonderful.  Joyful.  Happy.” 

She spent several mornings and afternoons with us last week.  J was on Christmas break from school and our son T2 also spent several days with us.  Suffice to say the visits from Kayla that week lacked the submissive intensity of the prior week.  Kayla did earn some spankings, as did I.  Nothing cathartic or unusual.  We had to navigate the issue of our sons being home, which we did by either scheduling some errands so that either Kayla or I could be alone with Mike, or, some quick visits to John and Donna’s.   

She moved in yesterday and I already have some fun stories to share.  I think my posts will continue to be filled with Kayla stories for some time.  Suffice to say Mike and I are in love with her, and she with us. 

I remain cognizant of the fact that love, too, can come with an entourage of associates (not just jealousy as per Post 88 – Something True).  We must not let it blind us to the things that could be present that are unhealthy for any of us.  I am confident that Mike and I are mature and experienced enough to avoid this, but the fact is Kayla, at 22, may lack the life experience to recognize those things.  As such, we continue to do everything we can to ensure she is expressing what is on her mind and sharing not just her thoughts, but her motivations.   Thus far, everything seems to be aligned around one simple truth.  Love. Since there are three of us, more aptly, Compersion – with a side order of submission and spanking!  

Next: 102. Sharing Salacious Spanking Stories

98. Three’s Company Housekeeping

housekeeping

I thought I’d share some various “housekeeping” issues that we have had to address with Kayla soon moving in.  I am sure we will discover there are more things we have to tackle once she is here, but her are the topics we’ve thought about and discussed thus far.

Sleeping arrangements
Kayla is moving into the bedroom adjacent to our master bedroom.  I’ve shared the layout (Post 80-Breakthrough) of our rooms before but will recap again.  This bedroom is actually attached to the master with its own entry way after you have entered the master bedroom.  It was designed to serve as a nursery.  We had the option of putting a door in the hallway so it was indeed a completely separate bedroom, or putting the door within the master bedroom.   The way we designed it is that there are large double doors that lead into the master and immediately to the left when you walk in is another door into what will be Kayla’s room.  To the right is one more door that leads to our master.  It sounds way more opulent that it is.  Suffice to say, in many ways we are sharing the bedroom with Kayla.

Of course this may raise questions from family members.  We have J’s room, our middle son’s room, and Mike’s office.  So unless Mike moved his office, there really wasn’t another choice.  And there is sufficient privacy for Kayla’s room that gives us “plausible deniability” regarding any suspicions of hanky-panky.  Our middle son, I’ll call him T2 (because T1 would be our eldest), is practically on his own.  T2 is in college and only spends maybe a month out of the year with us but still needs a room to call home.

The reality is Kayla will sleep with us most nights.  Our king sized bed will comfortably accommodate three adults.

Sex
There are no specific rules around sex.  The three of us are free to have sex with any one of the other two.  Neither Mike nor Kayla are compelled to tell me about any sex they have, nor are they discouraged from doing so.  It is up to them and I see no reason that I must know every time they do something together.

Outside relationships?
We told Kayla she is free to date as she wishes.  At this point she says she has no interest in doing so and is committed to focusing on our relationship with her.  She will let us know if it happens and she promises to practice safe sex.

Birth control and that time of the month?
I believe I mentioned before that Mike has had a vasectomy and I had an “oblation” procedure that basically stops me from having a period.   Coincidentally, John also had a vasectomy and Donna had the same procedure I did.  Thus, we have not had to give any thought to this before Kayla.   Kayla has been on birth control but is stopping it.  She says she doesn’t like the way it makes her feel and she sees no reason for it as long as she is exclusive with us.  It is her choice and we are fine with it.  We also have to modify things regarding her nakedness, punishments, and sex when she is on her period.  Just one of those things when you are a young and fertile sub!

Money
Kayla’s father provides her a nice monthly allowance and said he would continue to do so as long as she returns to school in the fall.  Kayla has held a part-time job before, but hasn’t been working lately.  She really wants to spend a lot of time volunteering the first half of the year with a local pet rescue association.   We are charging her a nominal rent, and her car is paid for, so she does not have that many expenses and will be fine with what her father is providing her.

Date Nights?
As Kayla was one of our go-to babysitters, what now?  Is it fair to leave her home while Mike and I go out?   We all decided that it was, but, would also give Kayla some one-on-one time.  Once a month we will have a girls-night-out with just her and I.  Donna may join us depending on what we are doing.  Once a month Mike and I will have a date night that is just the two of us.  No Kayla, no John and Donna.   Once a month Mike and Kayla will have a date night and I’ll stay home.   That typically leaves one extra weekend where the three of us will go out together and I’ll get my sister to watch J.

To avoid suspicion we may have to get clandestine about it.  Perhaps Kayla leaving on her own to “go out with friends” and then we meet up with her.  Whatever, we will figure it out.

Five’s a crowd?  John/Donna?
Kayla is not interested in sex with John and Donna.   At some point she may change her mind and want to be more involved but she says she just wants to hang out with the four of us and just observe.   Both Mike and I think that is a great idea as there is enough for Kayla to adjust to for now.   We don’t want her to feel left out and we don’t want her to feel compelled to have sex out of a feeling of being left out.  We will have to watch her reaction and stay sensitive to her needs.  We love our time with John and Donna but Kayla will come first. (Or perhaps in this scenario, come last – ha!  That was a sex joke just in case you missed it).

Maintenance Sessions/Punishments
I mentioned in Post 94-Kayla’s Contract, that Kayla wants a daily Maintenance Session, at least at first.   That, plus any punishments she may get will both pose a potential problem.  As we have already experienced, Kayla is a crier and a pretty loud one at that.   While our room is pretty far from J’s room, the noise is just too much.   We encourage Kayla to be as loud as she needs to be, thus we don’t want her to feel pressured to muffle it.  We talked with John and Donna and they agreed that when necessary we can send Kayla over to their house to await a punishment.   They even suggested that she simply knock on the door and state that she is being punished, nothing else.  They will let her in without speaking further to her.  She will take her clothes off and go stand in a corner and wait for Mike.  While she would be in their full view while waiting the corner, Mike and Kayla will go into one of their bedrooms when it is time to spank her.

Kayla dreads the idea of this but at the same time said she was thrilled by it.  Of course, we also had to address logistics such as letting John and Donna know what was up if they weren’t home (as Kayla will let herself in and we need to make sure John and Donna aren’t expecting company.  Also, in the event it isn’t convenient to John and Donna there will just have to be a deferred punishment.

Third-wheel syndrome?
Let’s face it. The level of commitment that Mike and I share will always surpass the level between Mike and Kayla or Kayla and me.   That’s just the reality of it and we all felt we had to address it head on.  Being the bookworm she is, Kayla has read a lot about polyamory and says she knows what she is getting into and is prepared.  She recognizes that she is in a bit of a honeymoon phase, as we all are with her, and can’t predict where emotions will lead any of us.  She says she has no delusions about us being Mr. and Mrs. Right.  As cold as it may sound, she cherishes the fact that we are most definitely Mr. and Mrs. Right Now.  She has expressed many times how lucky she feels to be a part of us and how excited she is to be on this journey.  As she puts it, she knows we are but one chapter, maybe two or three, of what is to come with her life but we are not the entire book.

Privacy
She will have her own room with her things and can request some private time when she needs it, as long as it does not include crying (see Post 93-Post Inspection).  Also, we purchased her a large chest with a lock.  She can store her journal and sex toys. Speaking of which . . .

Toys / Paddles – Her’s, Mine, and Ours
I mentioned in Post 94-Kayla’s Contract, that we talked about getting some new spanking implements and toys just for Kayla.  We can share some things, but we both liked the idea of having our own.  Kayla and I already did some online shopping together and she picked up a vibe, plug, restraints, outfit, and a few paddles.   Oh, here is an interesting factoid about Kayla.  She has never owned a sex toy and has never done anal.  Oh, is that TMI?  I got her permission to share that!  Regardless, her lack of experience was more than offset by her curiosity and sense of adventure.  She picked out some great items!

Jealousy?
If you read my Post 79-Anxiety…Jealousy  or my  Post 87-There it Was, you know I am no stranger to jealousy or resentment.  I can honestly say I feel none of those things.  I think more correctly, I do not sense their presence.  I’ve learned that doesn’t mean they aren’t there, but in all good conscience,  I do not believe they are.  I am thrilled with how things have turned out thus far and am excited about where this is headed.   Like we remind Kayla, there are bound to be some missteps along the way but our intentions are pure and our hearts are open to the possibilities of what may come.

Any other logistics that we should address?

Next: 99.  Be Here Now Slut 

97. Less Kayla, more Mike, Jen, and Kayla

3feet

The topic of Kayla has surely dominated my “news” lately (6 out of my last 7 posts).  I am only now beginning to realize how big this change will be in my life.  At first I thought of Kayla moving in as more of helping her out.  Then came the prospects of her being submissive to Mike.  At that point I still thought of her as being on her own little journey with us there to provide some guidance and love.  As we get closer to her move in date, and have more meaningful discussions and interactions with her, I see that it is much more.  It is truly a relationship of love.  I guess you could describe where we are at – or clearly are headed – is a polyamorous relationship.  I hesitate to call it that just yet, but whatever the name, it is an intimate relationship on many levels.

I think Kayla is an amazing person and I love her.  It is hard to describe.  There is an attraction and passion that goes beyond the maternal feelings I have for her.  It feels odd, like the infatuation that I haven’t felt since I was very young.  It is like I have this crush on this young woman who is 25 years younger than me.  No, it is not “like” that.  It IS that.   And Mike feels the same way, as does Kayla.   It has surprised all three of us.

She wrapped up her finals this week and spent a couple of nights with us.  It is not uncommon for her to go out with her friends and spend the night, so her mother was not concerned about her not coming home.   We have fully “consummated” our relationship, but I will leave the details out.  For some reason I don’t feel like sharing them.  To help guide your imagination closer to the truth, think of it as soft, loving, slow, and tender.  Not hot, heavy, hard, and pounding.

Kayla has started regularly calling me “Ma’am” and Mike “Sir.”  She has also presented us with her contract.  I won’t share the details for now – however, she is definitely going “all in” on her submission.  She has required a lot of subjugation of herself and has asked for a level of strictness that surprises me.  I see lots of spankings in her future, even some by me.  I believe she is truly ready for what she committed to. She put a lot of thought and research into this.  She told us to stop reminding her that she can stop this at any time.  She said she understands that but never wants us to speak of her ability to quit ever again. For someone who is shy and uncertain about herself in many ways, she is also confident and bold in many others.

I have used my blog to both reflect on things that I have done and to try to dissect what I felt and am feeling.  I am fine speculating about my own feelings and motivations, or even of Mike’s, but, it is unfair to do so about Kayla’s experience.  I will continue to post about what I am feeling and experiencing, so I am sure there will be plenty about Kayla – but I need to be respectful of Kayla’s journey.  She will surely share her feelings, how she interprets her experiences, her needs, her desires, etc.   And I will share those things to the extent she allows – but I will not rely on conjecture in sharing what I think those things are for her.

I continue to encourage her to start a blog.  She does have to journal after all, so why not blog it?    She has said she wants to give the journaling a try and perhaps after a bit she would be comfortable putting it out there.  Right now she feels like it is enough to just be living it – she isn’t ready to share like that.  That is another reason I need to show discretion about what I post about her.   Her words were, “I am fine with you blogging about me the way you blog about Donna.  But I am uncomfortable if you blog about me the way you blog about yourself.”   What she says she meant is that she doesn’t want me opining about what I think she is thinking but I can write about what she outright expresses.  And she would like me to focus on the three of us, not just her.  So to the extent I share things about her she asked that I include the thoughts or reactions of all three of us.  In other words, less Kayla, and more Mike, Jen, and Kala.

That’s fair.

NEXT: 98. Threes Company Housekeeping

77. Heart to Heart with Kayla

h2h

I introduced you to our babysitter, Kayla, in my last post.  Yesterday I invited her to join me on some errands, just the two of us.  Mike took our son on an afternoon out at a local amusement park.

As mentioned in my last post, I decided to “come out” to Kayla regarding my relationship dynamic with Mike.  Overall it went well, but there were unexpected turns and revelations.

We were having lunch and I said, “Kayla, I wanted to talk to you about something very important to me regarding the relationship between Mike and me.”   I proceeded to tell her that about a year and half ago I choose to become submissive to Mike.  I explained why I not only enjoy it but feel I am thriving.  I told her that I am telling her this because I am thriving in so many fulfilling ways and simply put, it brings me great joy.  (Thanks jadescastle for the suggestions re the “joy” line.  I was a great way to accurately and simply sum up my feelings).  “Because of this I don’t like it when I have to suppress or alter my actions when around other people.  Since you spend a lot of time with us, I want to be able to completely be myself, and express myself with Mike as I would normally do.”

Her initial reaction was pretty simple.  “Oh, gosh, I am sorry you felt you had to be different around me.  Thank you for trusting me and sharing that.”

She is such a great person.  She is so self-aware and empathetic and very smart – she finished in the top ten of her high school class.  It was just like her to come at it from my perspective.  Most people react to things about how it impacts them, or inconveniences them, etc.  Not Kayla.

She then asked what exactly was involved in my being submissive.  I explained as simply as I could and focused on it being a way to help me be the person I wanted to be.  I told her I suppose mine was a selfish submission, at least in the beginning, as it was all about what I wanted, but that I recognized my entire family would benefit.  I said that I defer to Mike’s needs and focus intently on meeting his needs, but, again, the genesis of all of it was that it was a way to focus on my own dreams and desires, which are directly linked with being submissive to Mike.

She said something like, “Wow, that is amazing.  I never really noticed anything like that was going on, but, I still don’t understand exactly what it means.  Are we talking ‘50-shades of Grey’ submission?”

I tried to not answer that directly.  Instead, I explained my submissiveness is about accountability to the commitments I have made to myself and to Mike.  It reminded me of how I introduced the concept of DD to Mike way back when.  I avoided the term “spanking” or “punishment” and left it as simply “accountability.”   And, almost verbatim like Mike, she said, “Accountable in what ways?”

My response was that he will point out the times I fail to act in accordance with what I committed to.

She was far more inquisitive and more aware of submission than I was prepared for.  She obviously had seen 50 Shades as she said, “Like putting you over his knee for rolling your eyes?”

I smiled and said, “Look at you with that ’50 Shades’ reference.   Well, honestly, yes, something like that could happen, but it is all in a very different context than what’s in that movie.”

“Oh,” she said.   I could see she connected the dots regarding spankings.

“So Kayla, tell me what you think about this?”

“Honestly I am surprised, but not shocked.  It’s cool.  I see how you and Mike are together and I look up to you all so much as a model for a great relationship.  I’ve never known the specifics of what you all do to make your relationship work, but I’ve always observed that you both treat each other with so much respect.  You two are so relaxed around each other and even when you all disagree with something it is like it is no big deal.  And I am talking about years of watching you.  And you said this submission thing is only a year and half old.  While I never suspected something like that, in looking back now I can say that I did find both of you even more outwardly happy than before.  You’ve both been ultra relaxed and so cool to just be around.  I mean, I always felt that, but yes, in the last year or so even more so.   I thought it was just because I was getting older and thus just more aware and even envious of your relationship.”

She then said, “I am really curious and I want to understand what this means day-to-day.  Would you tell me what the last three things that Mike called you out for and what happened when he did?”

Oh my.  She was wanting me to share my last few punishments!

I said, “I don’t look at it as Mike calling me out.  I expect him to hold me accountable for the things I have agreed to do and for the ways I have agreed to act.  I even hold myself accountable.  And, suffice to say, when I fail to meet my commitments I expect and I receive our agreed upon consequences.  Kayla, I don’t mind sharing a lot of details with you, but let’s not move too fast here.  I’ve shared a lot and I am sure your mind is spinning.   We can talk more about any details later.”

“Okay,” said Kayla, “but what does this really mean regarding changes I should expect to see?”

A very fair question.   I explained that I would be not hide my submissiveness when she was around.  She would hear me always refer to Mike as “Sir” and expect me to more outwardly be deferring to him.

She wanted to know if Mike would spank me when she was around.  I told her that it would be up to him, but that I suspect if I did something wrong he would either send me to my room for a punishment, thus she wouldn’t have to witness it, or, defer it until she left.  Either way, it would be up to Mike.

I told her one of my main concerns with telling her all of this is how she would perceive Mike.  I shared that I had met another submissive couple and, before I understood their dynamic of a submissive lifestyle, I always thought the husband was a jerk.  I didn’t want her to think that way of Mike.

She proceeded to tell me all these glowing things that she thought of about Mike.  How she used to wish Mike was her father and, when she was younger she even had a puppy-love type crush on Mike.   That she thought Mike was an amazing father and so cool to be around.  She then started to cry a little.  She then said, “I guess since you’ve shared something with me, I’d like to share things with you.”

She started to share a lot of very personal stuff with me.  About her parents and about herself.  She was getting pretty shaken up.  We left lunch and I told her we could go to my house as Mike and my son were out.

She continued to share all sorts of things with me on the drive home and once we got there.   There were things about her parents and about her sex life.  She shared that she considered herself bisexual, but preferred the term pansexual.   She was currently in a relationship with one of her best friends and her best friend’s boyfriend.  Basically a poly-type thing but that she didn’t really consider herself a part of their relationship like that, but that she would often join them in threesomes.  She said she had dated both men and women and while she did come out to her parents as “pan” they did not approve.   She said her mother almost kicked her out, but ultimately let her stay.   She said that despite all her great grades and frankly, in my opinion being such a great kid, she felt like she was a disappointment to her parents.

She got highly emotional and upset many times but continued to pour herself out to me.    There was a lot more to what she shared with me that I won’t share here.  She was so open and honest and completely uncensored in what she shared that I thought about just pointing her to this blog and telling her she could learn a lot more here – but, I decided against it, at least for now.

Ultimately, as things calmed down and we had a very lengthy intense talk about the things she shared, she showed her wit by saying, “Okay Mrs. H, so now will you tell me about the last three times you did something wrong?”

After she poured her heart out, I didn’t feel right telling her no.  So, I did.

Three Spankings.
I told her I got a spanking for forgetting a few items from the grocery store and we ran out of several items when we needed them.  I also got punished for leaving the garage door open after I came home from some errands.  This is something I have done on occasion and Mike really up’d the punishment accordingly, but I didn’t share that detail with her.    Then, the last one was just the day before, on Friday afternoon.  Mike took the afternoon off and we went shopping together.  When I got home I forgot to disrobe at the door.  It had been so long since I’ve been somewhere with Mike when our son wasn’t with us or wasn’t home that I just wasn’t thinking about it.   Oh, yes, I then had to share that one of our rules was that I had to be naked whenever I was home and our son was not here, although recently we agreed I could keep my panties on.

Kayla pointed out that my son was not home and I was not naked.   Kayla reminded me that the reason I shared all this with her was that I didn’t want to behave differently when she was around.  “Mrs. H, if you are supposed to be naked, and you told me all this so you could follow your submissive rules around me, then, shouldn’t you be naked now?”

Damn, what to do?  I told Kayla I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable but she assured me she would not be.  Hell!!!  I was also reluctant because of the detail I left out regarding my punishment for the garage door incident.  It wasn’t just a spanking, but also a breast punishment.  Mike decided I needed an escalated punishment for repeating the same transgression many times, and he whipped my breasts.  They still had bruises (they really seem to bruise so much more easily than my butt).   I didn’t want her to see that.  I felt I already shared too much, too soon, and she didn’t need to see that.

Kayla was jokingly relentless.  “Come on Mrs. H., you said you told me all of this because you didn’t want to act differently when I am around.  Well, I am around and you are acting differently.”

I told her, “Yes, that is all true, but I need to make sure it is okay with Mike and he is not here.”

“Text him,” she said slyly.

I told her that I would not and that perhaps next time if my son wasn’t home she just might be seeing me naked in my house.   I told her to remember that my submission is not just about the salacious details of nakedness and spanking and that it is so much deeper than that and that I want her to focus on my love and devotion and not my spankings.

“Okay, Mrs. H.  Okay”

“By the way, Kayla, please just start calling me Jenny.  You can drop the Mrs. H.”

“Okay, Jenny,” I’ll do that.  But Mr. H is still Mr. H., right?”

“You’ve caught on well,” I responded.

Next: 78. Three’s -not- a Crowd?