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57. Maintenance Session: Apologies and Back to School Sex and Submission

We just wrapped up our weekly Maintenance Session.

Spanking revisited:
We just wrapped up our Maintenance Session. I brought up the punishment that I didn’t agree with.   At first Mike resisted a bit, saying it was about my tone and not about his frustration, but then he did admit that it was both.   He said his initial trigger in spanking me was my tone, but that he was clearly frustrated and he let that frustration into the  spanking.  He said that clearly, the third set of spankings was all about his frustration, so if we were to break it down, maybe the first set was the tone, the last the frustration, and the middle a mix of both.  Regardless, he apologized and said he knows it is important to keep the Rewards focused on the goals of our Domestic Discipline and our journey into a more D/s relationship doesn’t change that.   I was relieved that we were on the same page with this.  I am not sure how easily I would have let this go if he insisted it was only about the tone I used.

Foursome revisited:
We also talked about sex with John and Donna.  We were also in agreement there.  We both shared that we enjoyed it a lot and we both felt good about the experiences.  We both admitted to a bit of shock that we were actually living out this shared fantasy – shock as in a happy and amazing way, not in an alarming and upsetting sort of way.

We both shared that we experienced this post-coital feeling shortly after orgasm where we both wish John and Donna would go away.  It’s like we just want to be with each other in that moment.  That feeling only lasted a minute or two before we were back into loving the moment with the four of us.  We found it interesting that we both shared that post-coital feeling. I wonder if that’s a common thing with couples?

Back to School – Sex and Submission
We also talked about how things should be with school back in session tomorrow.  Mike said that once I got home from dropping our son off at school, I was to take my clothes off in the garage, before I stepped into the house.  I would remain naked all day and would only get dressed to run errands or if I had visitors other than Donna.

We also talked about Donna.  Donna works part-time and we often go shopping or run errands together in the afternoon, or otherwise just hang out together.  Now that we were having sex with John and Donna, we talked about whether Donna and I could have sex without the guys.  Mike and John had already talked it over and agreed we could, but they needed to know about it.  I would text Mike with “out with Donna” whenever Donna and I were planning to have sex.  Keep in mind thus far Donna and I have never been alone with just each other, so the thought of this really excites me.

Mike said that each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday would be a “device” day where I would have to wear something from the moment I woke up until 11 a.m. (that’s about 3.5 hours).  Monday’s would be a butt plug, Wednesday would be the tack bra, and Friday would be nipple clamps.  They remain in use even if I have errands to run.  No exceptions.   I was impressed that Mike came up with this idea on his own.  In the past this would have happened only if I suggested to Mike that I was open to something kinky, and perhaps would even have to specify what it was.  Now, he is just coming up with this stuff on his own.   It shows me he is willing to be dominant.  Of course, I love not just the dominance itself, but the fact he is comfortable coming up with ways to express his dominance.

Oh – I have been working on a really nice tack bra and will have it finished by Wednesday.  I got some ideas for it online.  I used leather and an old t-shirt and cut some bra cup shapes.  I inserted 55 tacks through one leather cup and then through the cup made from the t-shirt.  The extra layer of the t-shirt gave me something softer against my breasts and added just enough material so that the tacks were still protruding pretty well, but not as much as they would be without the extra layer of material.  You can say I am cheating, but Mike agree to this, at least for now.  It isn’t intended as a “punishment bra” so the Submissive Rules Committee allows it.

I then covered the flat side of the tacks with another piece of leather to lock the tacks in place.  I used my sewing skills and stitched it all together.   One problem with the stitching is that it pulls the layers together pretty tightly, so the new “tack pad” lays pretty flat.  I ended up having to sew this pad into the bra so that it conformed to the shape of the bra cup.  I’ve got one cup done and all is left on the remaining one is to sew it into the bra.

I continue to marvel at my personal journey over the last 17 months.  It has been quite a transformation and I can honestly say it has surpassed every expectation I had.  I’ve discovered a part of me that I didn’t know existed, and a strength and dedication that I didn’t know existed.   I am living life and loving life, every moment, every day.   It still sounds odd to say it, but I owe it all to spanking – more specifically, to Domestic Discipline. 

NEXT:  Sex with Donna. . . What did I forget?

50. Five Acts of Service

Hey, my 50th post!!

This post is being done “under orders.”  You’ll read why in a bit.  Not that I need orders to allow me to post, but this is the first time he has required that I post something.  I’ll get to that in a bit.

The evolution of our DD has moved rapidly over the last week.  Even that sentence illustrates the evolution as previously I would have called it “my” Domestic Discipline.  Mike has assumed a more Dominant role and instead of just following the prescription of DD that I created, he is starting to assert his own – in earnest!  While it may not fully be “my” DD anymore, this still remains the level of service and submission that I want to give him.

One nuance of my new found Service and Submission is that I am not just doing what I am told.  I am more focused on anticipating Mike’s needs.  This became clear to me as he was talking to me about what he expected of me.  He said it is simply impractical to make up lists of duties and obligations and I needed to start thinking of ways to anticipate what he wants. The way he put it was, “You know all my preferences and pet peeves, so now it was time for you to accommodate all of them.”   ‘Nuf said.

I’ve been able to immediately do that.  There is a lot of, “Would you like this, Sir,” Would you like that, Sir,”  “What service would you like from me now, Sir?”   Right now it is fun because it is new and novel, I hope I feel that way a month from now.

Mike told me to come up with FIVE THINGS THAT I FEEL WOULD BETTER SERVE HIM.  He didn’t want me to tell him what they were, just that I should start doing them and blog what the five things are. 

Thus, his order for me to blog this!

Here’s the challenge –

At our Maintenance Session on Sunday he will name 5 things that he noticed me doing that he found the most meaningful and memorable to him.  He said the key is to come up with 5 mind-blowing things that would differentiate themselves from the many other new things I am doing to serve him.  My challenge was to understand that of all the new things I was doing for him, which 5 would make him feel the most served.  My service to him in this task is to show that I understand what 5 things would mean the most to him.  If I fail in that service, I will be punished.

On Sunday he will name me the five things he felt were the most meaningful.  He will then pull up this post and see if they match to the five things I noted.

The threat of punishment really wasn’t necessary, but definitely an added incentive, as this sounded like a fun challenge.  We’ll see just how fun if I fail to get the 5 right.  Anyway, it will hopefully illustrate how well I know him and not just his needs, but which needs he will most appreciate me fulfilling.

and one caveat, the 5 acts of service can’t include sex.  He said those acts are already a given, and he is looking for new, non-sexual ways for me to serve.

Coming up with Five
His biggest pet peeves have to do with organization.  He isn’t exactly a neat freak, but close enough.  He is definitely much neater than I am and will take time to put things away organized and orderly.  I tend (until now) to just put away something in the first space I can find and as long as I can close the drawer or shut the door, that’s neat enough for me – out of sight, out of mind.  That’s not Mike.  So, my belief is that by focusing on five uber-cleanliness ideas, he is certain to take notice of these things above all else I am doing to serve him in new ways.  Here’s what I came up with:

  1. Closet and Dresser
    I reorganized his dresser so socks, undies, shirts, etc., are all neatly organized, insanely well folded, and meticulously sorted. For instance, blacks next to dark grays next to light grays, next to blues next to whites. In the closet I hung all his shirts the same direction and even set the hangers equally spaced apart from one another.  It looks really cool, and yes, perhaps a bit creepy as if the closet belongs to one of those perfectionist-germophobe-anal retentive-serial killer types.   Anyway, it looks really cool.  Mike already commented that this looked phenomenal.  I think I got this one down for sure!
  2. Picking out his Clothes
    I pick out two things from which he can choose to wear the next day and have them hanging on nice wooden hangers where he can easily see them when he walks into the closet. This includes pants, shirt, socks, and tie. (He normally doesn’t have to wear a tie to work, but sometimes he does if there are client meetings).   I did get a “thank you” each day this week when I did this.  I think this one is pretty solid in the “memorable” column.
  3. Ironed and Polished
    I polished his shoes and each night before I get in bed I give them a quick buff. I ironed all his shirts, even his t-shirts and his shorts.  I’ve never done that before – neither has he.  We’ve ironed his work shirts before, but never ironed his casual clothes as well.  This is a major thing for me to take on as it could be very time consuming to maintain.  I hope I am not taking on too much with this one.  Funny, but ironing is one of those iconic 1950’s wifely things to do and now I am doing it.    He definitely noticed this one and I even got a “Wow” from him.  That’s three down, I am sure.
  4. Bathroom
    I am a little worried about this one. Not sure it is memorable enough and that he would think to categorize all of these as a “bathroom” experience.  He may look at each thing as separate.  I hope he doesn’t pick two of these things and count them separately, and then he missed the next one?   If he does, that’s his call and I’ll accept it.I reorganize the medicine cabinet and sink cabinets and insanely cleaned the entire bathroom. I even used an old toothbrush to scrub the nooks and crannies.  It sparkles!   While a clean bathroom is nice, (our’s is now immaculate), I am not sure it rises to the level of memorable.  So I tied this in with an overall “bathroom experience.”I put the little fold on the toilet paper like they do at hotels.  Also, when he gets in the shower I take the towels and run them in the dryer for a few minutes and then stand outside the shower, on my knees and naked, holding out the warm towel and I’ll ask him if he would like me to dry him off.  This didn’t work one night because I had already fallen asleep by the time he took his shower and I didn’t wake up when he came into the room.  It’s a bit of a challenge when you are given an early bedtime and he decides to shower late!  I also leave notes on our mirror for him as well.  When he gets home from work the note he sees is a tame love note, but the one he sees at night (when our son is already in bed and not likely to find reason to come into or bathroom), is erotic and steamy.
  5. His Car
    After he gets home I check his car and not only pick up any trash, but vacuum if needed, clean the windows and tires, and I give the interior a shot of air freshener. In the mornings, I go out and give his car another shot of air freshener as well.   I’ll check to make sure his car doesn’t need gas and if so, offer to go fill it up for him, and if dirty, take it to the car wash.  Luckily his car was dirty so I got to take it to a car wash for him and I topped off the tank. Now that it is clean, it is typically just a quick wipe of the windows and tires, pick up anything inside, give a quick shot of air freshener, and I am done, all in just a few minutes.   I feel pretty good about this one being memorable.  We’ll see!

As of this writing, I already completed all 5 and are now just maintaining them each day!  I’ve been very busy this last few days!

In addition I’ve been doing some other things that are new and service oriented.  My concern is that he might value one or more of those new things over the five I listed above.

Wave of Energy!
I am in constant motion every day!  Other than sitting down to blog and journal, I haven’t had a moment of idle time.  But the thing is, instead of feeling wiped out, I feel energized.  The day seems to zip past.   Despite the chores, I am excited, enthusiastic, and, I know it isn’t dragging me down because I am also extra horny.

Approaching a Wall?
I have this sense that at some point I may hit a wall.  I shared this thought with Mike.  He said he will be on the lookout for that and wants me to say something the moment I begin to lose this boost of steam I’ve found.  I believe this steam comes from this initial thrill I am getting with amping up my Service to Mike, but it also comes from the fact I am getting really good rest.  Mike has kept me on a strict bedtime!

Pampering!
I am so glad I shared with Mike that I am concerned that I am riding a high and could crash at some point.   Sharing my thoughts and feelings are a requirement of our DD, and this is a great example of where it pays off to do so.  Mike said he will give me a specific task for the day and sometimes those tasks are pampering treats.  For instance, today he wanted me to get a manicure and pedicure tomorrow.  Oh darn, I guess I will have to figure out how to fit that in.   For today he asked me to go purchase some hanging flower baskets to freshen up our back patio.  Darn again!  I get to go shopping, and I love gardening activities.  HOWEVER, there is a catch – I have to either wear my butt plug, nipple clamps, or breast binder whenever I go out on a “pampering treat.”

I don’t think I mentioned the breast thingy before.  Perhaps “halter” is a better name for it?  Not sure what they call it.  It was something Mike got some time ago.  I’ve worn it at home as part of punishments, but never wore it out until now.  I can have a bra on over it.  It is worn like a bra and has straps that encircle my breasts that you can tighten, given them a tight squeeze.  It can get very tight where my tits can start getting pink/purple.   Mike wants to make sure there is some reminder of my service to him even when I am getting pampered.   I found if I wear the right baggy t-shirt, I can have it on and it not be too noticeable.  Kinda’ the same thing with the nipple clamps.  I have one pair that is very small and easily hides as long as I am not wearing anything too tight.

Until this Service honeymoon euphoria wears off, I am sure enjoying myself.  It almost doesn’t feel right for it to feel this good and rewarding to serve and submit him – but no one said you have to be miserable in order to Serve.

I am joyful!

Next: 51. Olympic Post: Gold, Brazilian, Cunnilingus?

 

46. Reflections: Service, Submission, Brass Tacks, and Colonel Jessup?

This is one of those self-reflecting posts; however, for those that like to hear stories of submission, there is something in it for you as well.   Lastly, if you are a fan of a Few Good Men, the next time you watch it I hope you remember reading this post and it puts an extra smile on your face.

Reflecting on the Argument
Wow, three straight days of posting.  That’s unusual but is due to a combination of less hectic demands of the day and better organization on my part.

While all is forgiven regarding the Argument, I still need to understand what led to it so as not to repeat it.  I am not dwelling on it from the perspective a negative emotion like guilt or shame.  I am reflecting on it to seek a greater understanding for the triggers that led to my behavior.

Thank you jadescastle!
I have to thank jadescastle for her comments that rang very true to me.  She thought perhaps it was a combination of vulnerability and anger that compromised my coping skills.  I believe that was a big part of it.   The lack of control over my son’s injury along with the challenges in dealing with his compounded needs certainly had me in a vulnerable state.  No system, DD or otherwise, is a guarantee that you won’t be emotionally vulnerable from time to time.  I just didn’t recognize it because until then, a situation like this hadn’t occurred since we began our DD.  I believe now I will be more sensitive to recognizing the early signs and avoid a recurrence of what happened.

I also believe part of it was that I was sensing the distance that I was getting from our DD and it made me anxious.  I enjoy our DD.  I want our DD.  I need our DD.  (Said in my head with the intensity of Colonel Jessup).   In fact, that inspired me to modify his monologue.  It would be my message to anyone who finds anything to do with DD abhorrent and who feels entitled for me to explain myself:

You can’t handle the truth!  Women live in a world that has challenges, and we can get help with those challenges from our men.  Who else is gonna’ do it?  You?  I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom.  You weep for my DD and you curse our methods.  You have that luxury of not knowing what I know.  Our DD, while at times uncomfortable, improves our lives.  And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, improves our lives.  You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties you want some DD, you need some DD.  We use words like Duties, Obligations, and Rewards.  We use these words as the backbone of our lifestyle.  You use them as a punchline.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to someone who has no idea as to the fulfillment, nurturing and love I receive and provide, and then question the manner in which I receive and provide it.   I would rather you just said “good for you,” and went on your way.  Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a paddle and stand ready to receive it.  Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Okay, I digress.  Back to the issue at hand.   Although I sensed the distance, I told myself I could handle it and it was temporary and I would “close the gap” soon enough on my own.   Thus I resisted when Mike forced the issue.

One major “doh!” moment was courtesy of another comment from jadescastle, pointing out I could clean/cook while on the phone.  I feel like I am not as good of a listener when I multi-task, but, given my top commitments are to my family, it would have been an easy and preferred trade-off versus ignoring my duties.

Lastly, jadescastle mentioned something about “not prioritizing over his needs.”  That statement really hit home as it reminded me that serving him is what gives me tremendous pleasure, more pleasure than helping my niece, more pleasure than anything else.

“Serving him” was not what I originally intended with our DD, but I get tremendous joy in doing so and I momentarily forgot that.  I’ve learned I really love submission.  In fact, I have come to think of what we do not as Domestic Discipline, but as Service and Submission.  If SS was an understood and accepted term, that is what I would call our DD going forward.

As such, I asked Mike for something.  I asked him for a Reward that could be considered an overall “attitude adjustment.”   Things that would remind me and demonstrate my love for serving him and my willingness to submit to him.

Mike came up with some things which we implemented yesterday.  We will review them at our next Maintenance Session to discuss what, if anything, will continue.  I call these my Service and Submission Reminders as the purpose of this exercise is to get me refocused on my desire to serve and submit.

Mike came up with two of what he calls “Behavioral” Reminders:

  1.  Mike leads:  He will lead me when we are out in public. I will walk a step behind him and he will hold my wrist, not my hand.   I don’t think people pay that much attention, but if they do, the visual is clear – he is leading me.
  2. I do not speak:  In any interaction with others, I will not speak until given permission, which may be verbal or a head nod from Mike. We did this during our M/s immersion.  It is awkward and uncomfortable, but I think of it as a game.  I like to see the reaction it gets when someone asks me something and I look to Mike and he either answers it or nods his head to allow me to speak.  And when I do speak, more often than not the answer is, “Whatever pleases him.”

He then came up with two of what he calls “Physical” Reminders:

  1. Daily physical challenge: Mike had me make a Tack Bra. It took some trial and error, but I had a bra that turned out to be perfect for this.  It had just enough padding and material so the tacks held snug yet still left enough of the tip out to provide the right amount of poke.  There are 35 tacks in each cup.  While absolutely uncomfortable, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.  It definitely serves as a constant reminder of my service.  Certain movements will give me a scrape or poke.  I had to explain my occasional teeth gritting or mild groan to my son.  I had to tell him my back was hurting a little and if I twisted just right it would give me a sharp pain.
    So, here is my daily routine for the near future:
    – Each morning we start with the Calisthenics of Doom. 10 jumping jacks and 10 swats in push up position.  And if you read the post out these “exercises” you’ll know that the 10 jumping jacks could come with 50+ swats depending on how well I do.  Definitely gets your blood pumping first thing in the morning.  Better than any caffeine!
    – I put on my tack bra and do not take it off until he is ready to leave or start work (sometimes he works from home).  At that time he will affix clamps to my nipples to the pressure of his liking and I am to leave them until the top of the current hour.  At that time I remove the clamps and now have to insert and keep an anal plug in for one hour.  I then remove it and wait an hour before starting over with the bra.  The process repeats until Mike gets home from work.  If he isn’t working from home he can face time me any time during the day to check on my adherence.   The times work out something like this:  6:30am calisthenics of doom, bra on immediately following the calisthenics, so from about 6:50-7:30, maybe 7:45am.  Clamps on until 8:00am, plug in from 8am-9am.  9-10am break.  10-11am bra, 11-12pm clamps, 12-1pm plug, 1-2pm break.  2-3pm bra, 3-4pm clamps, 4-5pm plug.  5pm bra ,and then Mike is typically home or done with work about 5:30.  He said typically I will keep the tack bra on until after dinner and then can remove it until our son is asleep.
    I must adhere to this even when I go out during the day, so I have to take my “supplies” with me.   A lot more trips to bathrooms than usual so I can swap items out!
  2.  Bare Down There!:   We got a sitter for Friday and are going over to John and Donna’s. Mike picked up a Brazilian Waxing kit.  It is supposedly a very good one and he bought a wax warmer so we don’t accidentally burn anything precious!   He and John are going to watch Donna give me a wax.  I’ve never been fully bare.  The thought of not having a trained professional doing the waxing concerns me a bit.  Donna and I watched some videos this morning so hopefully we know what we are doing.

Also borrowing from our M/s experiment, Mike is enforcing a strict bedtime for me as I haven’t been sleeping as much as I should.   This is something I actually love.  Good rest is definitely a reward!  I should be going to sleep earlier but it is something I would never do unless Mike tells me.   Last night I went to bed about 8:30 with instructions to journal, masturbate to climax, then go to bed.  I am to sleep naked and when Mike gets to bed he might wake me for sex, it is up to him.  Last night I was asleep by 9:15.  It was wonderful, and yes, he did wake me for sex.

Overall, the argument was a good thing.  It made me appreciate what I have with Mike and have an even greater appreciation for sticking with our DD.   Best yet, it made me full recognize and acknowledge to myself that service and submission is what completes me.