My M/s immersion is coming soon. Exact date TBD as still coordinating with my parents. That didn’t sound right. I am not, of course, coordinating our M/s immersion with them – just the dates they will have my son staying with them. My sister and her husband are also staying with my parents, as are her kids. She’ll be a great help with my son as my parents are getting up there in age and the needs of my son can require a lot of physical and emotional energy.
Mike has shared a few things he has planned for us but is keeping a lot of it under wraps. He wants to keep a “shock and awe” aspect to having to do the unexpected. Oh my!
This led to another spanking! I am beginning to think my Thursday canings/mini-Maintenance Sessions are unnecessary. Mike calls those sessions at his discretion but has called them every week, (including tonight! – ouch!) since we began them about four weeks ago. The purpose is to provide me added focus and release. I’ve shared before that when I’ve gone a long period of time without a spanking I’ve actually asked Mike to give me one, “just because.” He thought having these extra sessions would help. I agree that they do, but only when I’ve been punishment-free for a while. Unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case lately but Mike has still called for these extra sessions. I may ask him about that during our formal Sunday sessions.
The recent string of punishments have had more to do with my thinking than they do with specific actions. That’s consistent with the evolution of my submission that I shared in Post 143. There was the spanking I just shared in my prior post, and also the one in Post 142. There have been a few others.
It isn’t all spankings and punishment. There is plenty of dialogue too. We have both talked about what it means to us to have me surrender my thoughts to him. It is a delicate balance. Neither of us intend for me to lose who I am. I have a brain and I will use it. Our intent is for me to not only be more outwardly focused on Mike and his needs and desires, but also to be more internally focuses on him regarding my internal “monologue.” That’s an extremely submissive state of mind.
I feel I have achieved the level of submission that we both desire regarding various acts of service (sexual and otherwise). Other than our Immersion fun, I don’t crave more acts of service, nor does Mike. We are aligned and in balance on that, which is a great and fortunate thing to achieve and something I do not take for granted.
What I am now craving is to purge certain thoughts I have. Okay, purge may be unrealistic — but at least lessen the frequency of certain thoughts. Thoughts that lead to actions. Actions which are at the core of the Duties and Obligations that I not only imposed on myself, but also those that are important to Mike.
I don’t know how long it will take to get to the state of mind I am looking for, but I think I am moving along that path very quickly. Maybe more than half way already? I don’t know. Much of it was simply an awareness. Now that I am aware, I am more in tune and deliberate in my thinking. While some “wrong” thoughts crop up, I typically squash them in nanoseconds. Plus, I find they are cropping up less often. The best way I could put it is that my default thinking is becoming submissive and focused on Mike. Before, I would frequently have non-submissive thoughts that I had to think through and “defeat” in order to act submissive. It’s like retraining my mind, such that submissiveness is a reflex and doesn’t require thought.
My latest punishment was when I told Mike that I wasn’t planning on blogging about certain aspects of our immersion because my sisters might read it. Mike spanked me because he said my thinking was a violation of my Self-Care clause in our Contract. He used a pair of slippers, which is actually a first for us. When he started I thought, “Well, that doesn’t feel like much” but I learned even slippers can pack a whollup if used hard enough and with enough strikes. Yep, a very red bottom indeed!
While not an explicit violation, he said it clearly violated the spirit and intent of that clause. He said, “You are being Rewarded because you were going to sacrifice something that gives you joy because of your desire to share certain things with your sisters. I will not allow you to set a precedent and start censoring your blog because of concerns about what they think. You said you weren’t concerned about them thinking anything negative, so either you were being dishonest with yourself and me, or your weren’t. Either way, you will share those things in your blog and you will be spanked.”
In hindsight, I don’t regret telling my sisters about TTWD, but perhaps I shouldn’t have told them about my blog! Mike also reminded me what he said back when he agreed to allow me to “come out” to my sisters. He was prophetic in that at that time he said there is no way to anticipate all the implications and once out, there was no un-telling them.
It is unnecessary for me to worry about what my sisters will think. For one, I’ve shared a lot of things that would be major embarrassments for most people to share with their siblings. In addition, my relationship with my sisters is unbreakable. We already share so much with each other and there is no judgement, only love. So with that, here are things Mike has shared with me and Kayla about some of the things he has planned for us.
Full Body Flog
He said that there would be a day of extended flogging, spanking, and other punishments. He said while there would be the requisite focus on our butt and breasts, he was going to also focus on things we typically don’t include — thighs, back, stomach, legs, palms, feet, and yes, the pussy.
Jen’s “Special” Day
One of the days I will basically be an “animal” for the day. I must not speak, must only walk on all fours, eat out of bowls, etc. He is allowing me to use a straw to drink from — it’s hard for humans to lap up liquids. Our tongues just aren’t designed for that. The more undignified part of it is not being able to use the bathroom. He has designed a sort of large litter box for me to us. Oh the joy. . . NOT. Kayla will assist in any necessary hygiene issues.
Kayla’s “Special” Day
For one of the days Kayla will basically be a “baby” for a day. No speaking, must crawl to move around, must be fed by others, and she will be diapered and not allowed to use the bathroom. An exploration of DDlg / ABDL. Not to mention what I shared before about the pursuit of her “gang bang” fantasy. I know that is a harsh word, but it is the word she actually uses, so, that’s how we refer to it.
He said we will not be allowed to wear a bra or panties when we go out. He actually has a particular sun dress in mind for each of us to wear. The fit is such that the ta-ta’s and the vajay-jay are well covered as long as we stay aware of the position of our bodies. Lean too far one way or the other, or bend over, and, well, someone is in for a show. Going bra-less is less of an issue for Kayla, whose perky breasts do a good job of standing up on their own, but for my 3-kids later droopers, it is very obvious when I am not wearing a bra.
Some of the less salacious ignominious activities are a “zero tolerance” on non-submissive behaviors. He is already pretty strict on this but, as he puts it, he normally doesn’t go looking for reasons to punish us. He will during the immersion.
The examples he gave were things like making sure we immediately stop what we are doing when he is talking and make eye contact with him throughout. Another is showing that we are enthusiastic about what he says and asks of us and that we are ensuring he is comfortable and doesn’t need anything (sexual or otherwise). A new thing he added, which I find interesting, is that when we do speak to him he wants us to touch him. Not sexually – it could just be touching his arm or back. He said, “no talking to me unless you have physical contact with me in some way.” He said the only exception is if we are restrained or have been told not to move. This sounds like a fun challenge. See, not everything involves a punishment or sex!
Those things are just SOME of what he has planned. Last year was both physically and mentally challenging and it sounds like this year will be no different. Who would have thunk it back when I first had this “idea” to pursue domestic discipline! Oh the places we go!
Our immersion will start in four to ten days. Still working on the firm date. Like last year, I might not be posting during it but at least I’ll have some fresh material to share when it’s done.