301. Pervertables

And now for something completely different.   Okay, not exactly completely.  It is kink related after all.

Classroom participation required!   I want to hear your ideas for pervertables.

WHAT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT PERVERTABLES?
We’ve probably spent close to $4,000 over the last three years on creating and growing our joy-box.  There is the $600 that I shared in Post 43. XXX-Mas shopping, and the whopping $1,540 we spent as chronicled in 130. Growing our Joy Box.  Let alone the nice cabinet (with locks!) that Mike bought to store all this in.   And there have been a few other small purchases along the way.   This doesn’t even address how much I was allowed on new clothes per my dress code or what we spent on my etiquette lessons.

If you are considering expanding your pleasure chest, here’s my thoughts on how meaningful some of our purchases have been or if, in hindsight, I should have stuck with a pervertable.

PERVERTABLE? 
Watch this video from Go Eat a Carrot for a detailed explanation.  Simply put, a pervertable is anything you can repurpose or Macgyver for kinky purposes.   If you aren’t’ familiar with the American slang, Macgyver is a term for improvising.  Such as, “Using a stick, duct tape, nail clippers, and his socks, he Mcgyvered the stalled car to get it running.”   Okay, not a pervertable example, but, I am sure you can think of something kinky to do with a stick, duct tape, nail clippers, and socks.   Discuss!   

So here’s a rundown of my thoughts on pervertables.  

BONDAGE GEAR
We have some handcuffs, restraints, gags, and the more intimidating, spreader bar.  These are more commonly used by or on Kayla as she enjoys being restrained more than I do.  I don’t hate it, but it’s not my go-to thing.   While I gave the spreader bar a try, it’s entirely Kayla’s thing.  

• Bondage Gear Pervertables?
  –  Restraints: Zip ties can be used as restraints but could be hard or to remove or even dangerous if you have to cut them off.  Cheap rope can also be used.
  – Gags:  Get a small wiffleball, you can find them about golf ball sized.  Thread a string through it and tie it around the head.  Viola!  Breathable ball gag. 

My thoughts:  You can try the pervertable, but I believe the real thing is a good kinky investment.  Less likely you’ll get hurt (in a bad way).  I feel our $ was well spent. 

BOOB PLAY
As sung in the Sound of Music. . . “Wartenburg on areolas and firm nipple suckers, tight nipple clippers and warm vacuum cup suction.  Bound, big bosoms tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things.”

(er, no, sorry.  THESE are a few of my favorite things).   I digress.  Point is.  I love breast play and breast punishment. 

• Boob Play Pervertables?
  – Nipple clips:  clothespins, chip clips.  Very inexpensive, and very effective.
  – Suction:   I can’t imagine anything being a good alternative to the real toy, other than a mouth!  But even then, a mouth gets tired!   
  – Wartenburg wheel:   There are plenty of things that can be used for sensation play; feathers, fingernails, clothes of different textures,
• My thoughts:  If this is something you enjoy, spend the money on the real toy.  The exception is the nipple clamps.  Clothespins are inexpensive and are a great substitute.  The only downside is that some nipple clamps come with a mechanism to adjust them so you can customize the grip.  You can’t do that with a pervertable.   Oh, there is also my homemade tack bra.  It took a little effort to make.  A few repairs now and then as my sewing skills are sub-par, but overall, it works fine.   

SPANKING IMPLEMENTS
This is where we probably spent the most money.  Lots of paddles, crops, floggers, etc.    

• Spanking Pervertables?
  –  Belts by far are #1 in my book.  Not just for how effective they are, but there is more of an emotional attachment.  It’s something Mike wears.  It’s his.  I get to see it in public and know where it’s been!  Yummy to think about!    Wooden spoons and hair brushes are tied for my #2.   You can use a long-handled bathbrush too, but beware, some implements may pack a surprising wallop. 
• For the past several months Mike’s go-to is a board he has, pine I think.  About 18 inches long, 3/4 inch thick, and two-and-half inches wide.   Not sure where it came from, just something he had lying around.  But it works great as a paddle.   The only downside is that it is not rounded off for a grip.  It gets uncomfortable for Mike to hold it after a while.   Good thing for my butt!
• My thoughts:   Stock up on spanking pervertables and minimize your purchases of “official” implements. The stuff we bought isn’t used very often.  They were fun to try out and occasionally fun to pull out for different sensations, but for someone who uses spanking as discipline and not part of play, we should have purchased fewer spanking implements.   If your spanking is part of the play, then, yeah, you probably want the real spanking gear.   The real stuff also gives a pleasurable visual.  Looking at a piece of wood just won’t give you the same visceral reaction as seeing him go for the prison strap.
  

VIBRATORS / DILDOS
Vibrators can be expensive.  While you can get some that are more moderately priced, my experience is that pleasure correlates to price.  As does durability.   But what can one do if needing to save on their pleasure budget? 

•  Vibrator pervertables? 
  – Washing machine.  Hee-hee.  I’ve never tried it, but I’ve heard the spin cycle can be really something.  If you need something smaller, I guess a cell phone could work?  Anyone ever actually try that?   Turning the bass up and straddling a subwoofer?  Seems like you’d really have to crank the volume up to make that work.  An electric toothbrush is a good option.  Can be intense and very focused on the clit, so said a teenage Jennifer {cough, cough}.
• Insertable pervertables? 
  –  The vegetable bin in the refrigerator is one place to start.  Yeah, I must admit, I’ve had a cornucopia of phallic edibles up my cooch over my lifetime.   It’s actually been a long time though.   Also, I guess just about anything with a slender handle can work – hairbrush, certain kitchen utensils, etc.   The key is to make sure it isn’t jagged or otherwise dangerous – and long enough not to get lost!    Then there’s always the banister or bedpost finials if you’re adventurous!
• My thoughts: From a vibrator perspective, nothing beats an actual vibrator designed for stimulating a woman’s genitals.  So spend the money!   As for dildos, yeah, there are a lot of pervertables from which to choose,  but many may be too long, too short, too wide, too skinny, or simply too dangerous.   Like, for me, yeah, I’ve got bedpost finials, but, if I wanted to masturbate with them, I would have to be fully effaced!  Ouch!

FINAL THOUGHTS
Sometimes a pervertable has to be used out of necessity.  If you are young and at home, you can’t really have dildos or vibrators or such in your drawer, unless you have really progressive parents.  Or, maybe you have roommates and you don’t want them to know anything about your masturbatory practices.  Or heck, maybe you are even married and want to keep it on the down low.  But if you are willing to have a budget for your joy box, consider where a pervertable will suffice and where the “real toy” is a must.   

I want to hear from some of you?  What have you used, or thought of using, or suggest someone try?   Heck, if I like it, I may be willing to try it, except the finial thing.  That would be a hard no.  

Next: 302.  Livin’ Libido Loca – Commas over Exclamation Points

214. Nicknames: Opening our Joy Box

 

Kids get a toy box, adults get a joy box!

I’ve shared some of  shopping sprees that filled our joy box (Post 43, Post 130).  I have  mentioned some of the nicknames we have given to select items of our growing pleasure chest.  Do you have pet names for your spanking implements and sex toys?

Here are some of ours, along with some comments and critique from Mike and I.  Most of these are part of our sex play and not discipline.   I think I mentioned before that since adopting DD, our sex play has become more adventuresome with the addition of various toys and accouterments.  

— THE ALWAYS PADDLE —
 Pretty straightforward of a nickname.  It’s a 12 inch oak paddle with holes, engraved with “Always with Love.”  Mike said he believes the physics behind it is that the holes reduce air resistance making it easier for the spanker to swing harder, or basically give a harder spanking without using more effort.   The holes also dissipate the force that is put on the paddle, so less vibration of the paddle may again benefit the spanker.  As for the spankee, in addition to a harder hit, the flesh can compress around the spots where the holes are, causing more pain as the flesh squeezes in and out of the hole in an instant – leaving nice round marks on the ass.  If any of that is incorrect or begs for elaboration, please comment!

Jen:  As someone who has been on the receiving end of the “Always,” I concur.  It can really sting.
Mike:  I actually don’t pull this one out very often.  I don’t like the sound it makes.  Let me rephrase, I love the sound it makes, I just love it less than the sound of other implements!   Perhaps the holes dissipate the sound too?   While spanking is primarily about discipline, the sounds add to the overall experience for both of us, especially me.  I like to hear a smack more than a thud, and the Always tends to sound more muted.       

— MISSISSIPPI —
I mentioned this one in the New Years Eve spanking (Post 201).  Its’ name comes from the fact it is a wide paddle (The Mississippi River is a wide river).   It is 18 inches long and four and half inches wide, thus covers a lot of surface area.  

Jen:  Whenever I see it or am told to fetch it, I know I am in for a sore bottom for at least the rest of the day, if not a couple of days.
Mike:  Jen has mentioned before she thinks the Mississippi will crack some day because it isn’t very thick.  Well, it’s walnut or maple, I forget which, but it is harder than oak so I think will prove to be durable, much to her chagrin. 

— BABIES —
Yeah, these are the nipple suckers.   However, as we have added a cupping system and an “extra-large” set of suckers, we’ve had to differentiate between the “little babies,” (our standard suckers), the “big babies,” (are extra large suckers), and the “greedy babies” (the cup).

Jen: This is an area where DD has integrated our sex life.  We often pull out the “babies” as part of sex play.  I love nipple play and having my breasts be a focus of our sex play.  I’ve never had a nipple-gasm, that is, orgasm just from nipple play, but it often brings me very close!
There are differences in how these are used in discipline vs sex.  Discipline is applying clamps or clothespins right after a good suction and keeping them in place for some time and pushing the limits on what I can tolerate.  Suffice to say, I love it when our lovemaking starts with, “go get all the babies.”
Mike:  What can I add after that?  I am amazed at how pliable the breast and nipples are and how they can retain a new shape for a while before returning to normal.  We’ve never measured, but I bet Jen’s nipples get close to three inches long, maybe four, while in suction.  Is that TMI?   

— BEAST —
Just google “prison strap.”  However, ours is rubber, not leather.  At 32 inches long it looks intimidating and it is to be feared (I say that jokingly – I don’t fear it, but I don’t like it!).   
Jen:  I don’t know if a leather strap would be more or less intense than rubber.  Anyone have experience with that?  Regardless, I am sure it mostly has to do with how hard the spanking is.  Whatever – this strap quickly delivers heat to my bottom. What I hate the most is that because it is so long, sometimes a strike will wrap around and get my hip – that’s a “Thwack” you don’t want to get too many of.
Mike:  Ha. I was just going to say that the difference in rubber versus leather is sound.  The rubber is more of a thump than a whack, but Jen’s right, when it wraps around and gets her hip, it is mixture.  “Thwack” is the perfect word.
The Beast covers a large area and leaves a mark quickly and with less effort.  Again, while discipline is the primary focus, you can’t ignore sights and sounds.  It delivers on great sights (red bottom), great sounds (both from the sound of the contact and the sounds it elicits from Jen and Kayla), and does so very quickly.
I imagine if someone really let loose with it there could be serious damage.  Striking very hard and just catching the tip of the strap on the ass — watch out!  I believe the physics behind it is that because it is so long, the tip is traveling at a very high rate of speed.  You want to make sure most of the straps surface is making contact with the butt, else you can cause serious injury.   We have never had a mishap, but the potential is there if not used with care.  

— KING —
It’s a seven-inch dildo whose nickname comes from the name the manufacturer gave it, the King Cock.  We just call it “the King.”
Jen:  This has always been exclusively a sex toy, not used in discipline.  This was my first dildo and I use it more than I thought I would.  It’s great when we need an extra cock to simulate DP.  I am sure some of you out there are like, “7 inch? That’s no king.”  Well, what can I say?  Seven is plenty for me.
Mike:  It’s a good change of pace from a vibrator and I enjoy using it on her or just watching her use it on herself.  

— HEISENBERG —
This is the Wartenberg pinwheel.  When we got it, Mike called it the Heisenberg because he couldn’t remember the correct name, and the name just stuck.  Nice Breaking Bad reference!
Jen:  Oooo, love this one.  This was another one I was unsure of until we actually used it.  It goes great when used along with the Babies!
Mike:  Yeah, this is a great mixed-used implement – good for both discipline and play, although I haven’t used it for discipline often.  Humm, note to self!  

— OH DIOS MIO —
The Violet Wand, my most expensive toy that is worth every penny.  You can find cheaper ones, but I was not disappointing with what I spent (I think it was like $150-$175). 
Jen:  This nickname came from the first time we used it.  I got a good zap somewhere and blurted it out.  I am not hispanic, it’s not a family saying, it’s just what came out.  I am pretty sure it was in the back of my mind from an SNL Skit.   This toys is great.  We played with it a lot when we first got it but it has been neglected lately.  Time to dust it off.
Mike:  Yeah, definitely needs to be part of the regular rotation and I have no idea why I haven’t pulled this one out for discipline.  Another note to self!   As for sex play, I think it’s one of those things that you don’t just want to get out and use for a few minutes.  It is best when you have time for a good extended love making session.  There are so many ways to use it.  The best resource on the ins and outs of the wand is at violetwand.com.

— BILLY MAYS —
The enema!  Yeah, I feel bad for Billy Mays fans to use his name as a nickname for the cleansing system.  That was Mike’s idea, simply because is cleans! 
Jen:  Yeah, not my favorite for discipline, but Kayla and I have used it on our own just to be nice and clean for Mike or each other.  A quick “squirt” or two can help eliminate worry of an anal sex mishap.  As for discipline, taking a lot in definitely creates a lot of discomfort.  I’ve at least gotten over the embarrassment of  expelling.  
Mike:  This can be a bit time-consuming thus not ideal for most punishment situations. Got to clean and rinse things afterwards.  I need to get one of those bulbs that you can just quickly fill and release.  I may have gone overboard with the system I purchased. Live and learn!   

— MEGATRON —
This is the name for the assorted bondage gear that Kayla picked out.  It includes chrome collar, bracelets, shackles, and wrist and ankle spreader bar. 
Jen:  These have never been used on me, this is Kayla’s deal.
Mike:  Great for punishment, and great for sex,  ’nuff said

— EL GUAPO —
For pure pleasure, not discipline — the penis pump and cock ring
Jen:  This nickname came from Kayla.  The first time we used it on Mike she jokingly said “Muy guapo,”  Spanish for very handsome!  Mike mentioned being surprised by how stretchy my nipples are, well, I was surprised by how rock hard his cock gets from using these two things together.
Mike:   Yeah, a normal erection is one thing, but these devices can help deliver a  “morning wood” hardness.  I wanted to call it the Steel Eel but relented.  El Guapo it is.  

Next:  215.  Super Bowl Sinday, er Sunday

43. XXX-Mas shopping complete.

Here’s the update on my XXX-mas in July shopping spree.  Mike wanted me to pick everything out and surprise him.  After reading up on all these items (I must have read hundreds of reviews), I went back to Mike and asked him for a larger budget.  My logic being that the better quality items cost more and HE is worth it!   Hee hee.  It worked.  He said okay to $600 but that I would receive 20 spankings for every dollar more.

I am not sure what a woman’s toy collection says about her, but I hope mine says “fun and adventuresome” as I expect a lot of fun and adventure!

Here is the shopping list he gave me and the items I purchased. Prices included shipping and tax:

• 1 full sized vibrator
  $128.91: Magic Wand, including several attachments.   
  The Wand looks intimidating and I almost got something else, but the reviews are off the charts.  Everyone seems to love the Wand and swear by it, so the Wand it is.
• 1 pocket sized vibrator
  $17.43: Lipstick Vibe.
  Looks feeble, especially compared to the Wand.  1 AA battery?  Really?  Is that enough power?  At least it is discreet.
• 1 dildo
  $34.95: 7″ King Cock Suction Cup Dildo.  Because 7″ will do!  Frankly, I am not excited by dildos, but perhaps I’ll find that I’ve underestimated them?  At least I believe Mike will enjoy watching me use it and that is a turn on for me.
• 2 anal plugs
  Why 2? Because Mike knows I love anal. How thoughtful.
  $59.45 Ammo Anal Plug.  It looks cool.
  $28.45 Orgasmic Gel Butt Plug.  It vibrates, yum!
• 2 new spanking implements, one firm (like wood), one flexible (like leather)
  $31.26 12′ Oak Paddle with holes, engraved with “always with love.”
  $112.70 Rubber Prison Strap.  What a name!   And it looks scary.  Not sure of this one!
• 1 pair of nipple clamps with chain
  $29.96 Triple Intimate Clamps (yes, a third clamp for “down there”).
• 1 other nipple-oriented toy
  $21.35 Fusion Triple Suckers.  Sounds interesting and pleasurable!
• 1 set of cuffs/restraints
  $46.59 Ankle Cuffs. Never have had my legs/feet restrained.
• 2 types of cock rings
  $26.70: Rock Ring/The Earthmover. Great name, intimidating looking.
  We only went with one since I spent more than we intended.  Mike agreed as I told him it was either two cheaper cock rings or one amazing looking one.
• 2 other items of my choosing
  $37.95 Wrist Cuffs.  Had to get some since also ordered ankle cuffs.
  $25.38 Ball gag.   This will be another new experience for me.
• If money left over, any additional items of my choosing.
  Left over?  I busted the budget!

Not everything has arrived yet.  We hope to start breaking out some of these toys this weekend.  Mike wants me to pick one item each time, so that means about a dozen sexcapades before we break them all in.  I get to choose what we start with, and I am going for the Wand.  Got to see what all the rave reviews are really about!

Oh, I spent $601.08.  Since Mike said 20 spankings for every dollar I went over, $1.08 equated to 22 spankings (he rounded up).   I probably could have spent a little more time to get it under $600, but frankly, I spent some extra time to get it a little above $600.  Well worth it!

44. The Argument – Part I.