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310. TJ AND KIM

310

I left the prior post teeing up some new friends, TJ and Kim.

CONUNDRUM
When I posted more regularly I could share stuff more in real time.  I could reflect and ponder my thoughts and feelings flowing through my mind.  I could share events as they unfolded.

But now I am a lazy-ass who neglects her blog.  By the time I get to write something, it’s well in the past.  Like that prior post regarding Chelsea and Jaime.  Her story is so interesting to me, and one I would have shared in more detail, if not for it being “old news” in my mind.  Thus, I skipped over the details of her story and got right to how it impacted me re Mike is now some sort of Discipline guru for them.

I miss writing through an experience.  Writing always causes a deeper and more meaningful reflection of how I feel about it all.  That’s always fun. . . well, for me anyway, maybe not you.

So here I am again with the same conundrum with TJ and Kim.  I can get right to where we are today, or I can share more of their background.  The interesting thing about them is, well. . . it’s THEM!  It’s their relationship, their circumstances, and their path that led them to my kinky fuckery.   Okay, yes, I hear many of you just say in your head, “That relationship stuff sounds boring, get to the kinky stuff!”   Sorry.  I think I will provide the background this time.

And just to keep some element of suspense here — know the ultimate kink in this relationship was not what I expected.   Okay, that sounds like I go into a friendship expecting some kink.  Let me rephrase – I wasn’t expecting it to lead to anything kinky at all.  But, when it was evident it was pointing in a kinky direction, it wasn’t quite the kink I expected.   With that. . .

TJ AND KIM
I met Kim at a park where I frequently walk my dogs.  She would be there with her three kids, 2 daughters, 14, and 12, and an 8-year-old son.   The kids are homeschooled and the park was where she takes them for some outside activities.  Nature trail, playground, and a great place to do a lesson if the weather cooperates.  

The oldest daughter is TJ’s from a prior marriage and the daughter has always lived with them.   The youngest has some developmental delays and issues.  Thus, we had two things to instantly bonding experiences.   One, being stepmoms that raised their step-child, and two, being moms to a special need child.    

The kids were first attracted to my dogs, which is how I got to know them and know Kim.  Over time we would often sit and talk while the kids played or did school work.  Kim would often bring along their lunch, and before long, I would make some cookies or bake something to surprise them with.   Kim and I began to text each other to more frequently to sync up our park time.   Over about six months I got to know them pretty well and yes, they got to know me and my “alternative” lifestyle. 

DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL   IF ASKED, DO TELL
As you may know, we have adopted an “if asked, do tell” approach to our lifestyle.  Not in the kink and sex stuff sort of way.  Basically, no different than if anyone has asked you if you are married.  You wouldn’t say, “Yes, and we fuck like rabbits.”  Well, okay.  Yes, some of you would you crazy kinkster.

Simply, I say something like “I am in a three adult relationship with me, my husband, and our girlfriend, and I have two grown kids out of the house and one teenager still at home.”   Any more details beyond that are based on their questions with the intent to provide honest information but the minimal amount necessary to answer their question.   Most people don’t ask many questions, at least not at first.

I don’t bring up the discipline, but it tends to come out over time if people are around me long enough.  They see it in my behavior or how I talk about Mike.  Over time, Kim not only came to fully understand my Triad, but the DD and D/s one as well.  Fortunately, it didn’t make her run away from me.  We continued growing our friendship undeterred. 

I GOT A JOB
At some point, Kim shared some of the challenges in homeschooling the eldest, Hailey.  It was pretty clear it was an issue of growing teen-angst peppered with other issues that would be tough on any 14-year-old.   Hailey’s mom and dad were only married about a year, and the dad got custody.  TJ and Kim married when Hailey was just 1 (somewhat like my situation with Mike and T1).   

The mom is remarried to a woman and had only sporadic involvement with Hailey over the years.  That contact has increased recently as her mom now lives closer to them. 

The short of it is one day at the park Hailey was struggling with a lesson.  I helped her “get it” and before you knew it, I became her tutor.  Kim even pays me.   I am not a teacher, but I did start out as pursuing an education degree.  I changed my focus to counseling and education psychology. 

Hailey responds well to me.  I think it reached a point where she didn’t want her mom (Kim) to be her teacher and just wanted her to be a mom.  Yes, Hailey refers to Kim as her mom.

The tutoring gig led me to go to their house and meet Kim’s husband, TJ.   He’s a doctor and they live in an upscale neighborhood with an amazing house.

THEY ALL KNOW
Shortly after I shared bits of my dynamic situation with Kim, to my surprise she shared that information with her kids.  In very basic terms, they knew I shared my husband with another woman, that I was bisexual, and, that I agreed to follow my husband’s rules.

While that sounds like a lot for a kid to process, it really isn’t.  Frankly, the 8-year can’t connect to what the implications of all that really are.  It simply is what it is.  “Oh, it’s like there’s two mom’s in the family,” and “So like your husband is like the boss?”    And that was that as far as he was concerned.  Just facts to know but nothing to judge and no cause for concern.   Only if everyone reacted this way!

The 14 and 12-year old processed it a bit differently.  They both asked their mom if I was gay or bisexual.  She told them something like, “bisexual I guess, you can ask her what she identifies as.”   She said they both shrugged it off but asked her, “Okay, just wondering but what do you think?”

Kim told them something to the effect, “Well, that’s not for me, but there are a lot of things that aren’t for me and a lot of things that are, and what’s important is love and happiness and if someone has that, then good for them, however, they have it.”

I admired how Kim navigated this with her kids and I think the non-judgemental response also helped Hailey in her thoughts about her biological mom.  Also, by reacting in a way that made it feel like a non-issue, it was. . . Surprise!  A non-issue.

As a quick aside – I have found more people react like Kim has than I have found react in a negative, judgemental, or abrasive manner.   Even people that I know strongly disagree with my choices, I do at least get a minimal amount of acceptance.   Ultimately, I don’t care what others think, but it is always nice to find that people can be accepting of something that is clearly not their cup of tea.   I think what has helped my experiences with this is the filters in my life.   I’ve mostly filtered out the toxic people.

MORE ON TJ AND KIM
TJ is 8 years older than Kim.  Oh, Kim is 39, TJ 47, married for 13 years. 
Tj’s ex-wife is 34, having Hailey when she was 20 and TJ was 33.   Kim actually knew TJ’s ex-wife.  They were all in the same circle of friends.  She knew TJ as well.   

As I began to be able to talk more and more privately with Kim. . . lots of texts and calls, and many lunch dates. . . I got to learn more about her personal life.  More specifically, her sex-life, or lack thereof.   And thus began the kinky adventure. 

As I wrote in my last post, I have become like this island for Misfit Kinksters.  People seem to open up to me about sex.  I think that’s part of what happens when you allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone — vulnerable by telling them the truth about who you are and what you feel.   If they don’t outright reject you because they are close-minded, scared, or just otherwise turned off — they instead will reciprocate.  Vulnerability is an amazing thing!  Maybe I should write a post about it.   Oh wait, I already wrote like 20!  Ha.   Yes, vulnerability is my favorite topic.  

So there you have it.  An intro on TJ and Kim.   As to where our relationship has evolved, well, stay tuned!  Lots to write about!  But as I stated at the start, it didn’t go where I thought it might. 

84. Happy Place

observant

This post is mostly about Donna.  There was an “incident” this week worth sharing regarding our “experiment” with Donna staying with us while John is away. (I shared the story of when Mike went out of town in this post).   As I mentioned in another prior post, John required Donna to follow all the rules I am subject to, just as if my contract with Mike applied to her.  That lasted through yesterday and starting today she went back to her normal rules with Mike filling in for John.

Having Donna around has been wonderful.  I’ve had a lot of free time this week as the tasks get done in no time.   In addition to the helping hand from a fellow sub, I have a friend to talk with and, as a final bonus, an extra lover to share with.  As I suspected though, it has been far easier on me and Mike than it has been on Donna.  Here’s what happened:

THE INCIDENT
There was a point in the day yesterday where we weren’t quite done with our tasks when Donna proclaimed she was taking a break.  I told her I appreciated her help but the responsibility with the chores are mutual, and I prefer we finish before taking a break.  She encouraged me to take a break as well, but I told her I could not.  I didn’t want to come off as the bitch, but, I wanted to get everything done first.

I shared with her that I learned from experience that if I procrastinate, things can happen and then the tasks don’t get done.  That would be unacceptable to me and to Mike.  And – we didn’t have that much more to do anyway!   Her logic was, “Well Jen, since there isn’t that much more to do, you can just do it.”    So I did, but told her was compelled to tell Mike.

I reminded her that John asked Mike to question us about the day and specifically ask if she did her fair share.  I told her I cannot lie to Mike and would have to tell him.  I felt bad.  Donna was a huge help and I know this has been hard on her.  But, John set this rule for her and she should understand that rules from our Sirs are, well, the rules.  She wasn’t open to hearing me and flippantly said, “As long as everything is done what’s the big deal and tomorrow I can make up for it.”

I responded that I was not in a position to barter on behalf of John.  She continued to resist and said, “I’ve pretty much done my fair share today.”   I told her that this was true up to the point she sat down, but unless she gets up and helps finish things up that it would be untrue.  She shrugged me off.

In the evening when our son was watching TV, Mike pulled Donna and me aside to ask us about our day. He of course asked about the fair share of the workload.  I looked at Donna and said, “Sorry, Donna, but I have to be truthful.”  I proceeded to tell Mike what had happened.

SPANKING
Mike ordered both of us to the bedroom.  We both went to my room, disrobed, and stood in separate corners waiting for Mike.  It was a bit over an hour before he finally came in as he waited for our son to go to bed.  That was the longest I’ve ever stood in the corner and I was puzzled why I should be punished for Donna’s behavior.

When Mike came in he called us over and asked each of us bend over and he gave us each some warm ups with his hand.  He asked us why we were being punished.  Donna stated it was because she didn’t do her fair share of the work today, but for me, I had no clue.

Mike confirmed Donna explanation and added that John was explicit in his instructions and her failure to obey them by not doing her fair share was indeed why he would need to spank her.  Then, per our rules Mike administered another spanking on me for not knowing the reasons why I was being punished.  He then told me the reason. I was being punished for apologizing to Donna.   WTF?!?

Mike said that I should never apologize for my submission.  Being truthful is part of my submission and not something to apologize for.  He said my apology was basically apologizing for being submissive.  He said if my submissiveness inconveniences Donna, so be it.  No different than if Donna’s submission to John inconveniences me.   Mike said I was being punished for being disrespectful to my own submission.

Whoa!  I was a bit dumbfounded.  Part of me was thinking, “Are you serious?” while another part of me was, “Wow, Mike, how observant and creative, and yes, you are absolutely correct!”

Mike said this was a serious issue and the spanking was going to be with the prison strap.  He skipped the “Over/Under” game which was another signal to me that he was in a more serious mood about this transgression.   I got 17, then Donna got 12.

MISSING JOHN
Uncharacteristically, Donna cried and got very emotional.  She takes punishments very stoically and I’ve seen her gleefully take far worse in “fun” scenes her and John put on for us.  As I shared before, their relationship is a bit more M/s and BDSM.  I knew it wasn’t because of the sting from the spanking.

Donna apologized to me and Mike and reassured us it wasn’t anything we did.  She shared that it was hard being out of her normal routine.  In the past when John was gone she at least had her routine to keep her “observant,” as she put it.  Even though John ordered her to follow my routine, it just didn’t feel “observant” to her.   She said a part of her wanted to rebel and that was her motivation for not finishing the work.

She has been at this submissive thing much longer than me and really relies on John to keep her centered and focused.  I hadn’t really considered that submissiveness can lead to a greater dependency on the Dom.  You get so accustomed to giving such incredible focus on the needs of your Dom and being “observant” to your submission that you feel out of sync when your Dom isn’t around.

MY REFLECTIONS
I know I missed Mike when he was out of town, but I didn’t miss him the way Donna misses John.  I think having my son to focus on and still having my routine made it easy for me when Mike was gone.   Although John did task her following my rules from Sunday to Wednesday, it still didn’t feel quite like she was serving him.  She said it felt like she was serving Mike and me.

The good news was this occurred on the last day she had to adhere to the rules I have.   Today she was extremely upbeat and cheerful.  At the moment I am writing this she and Mike are over at her house getting some daily “treatment” that John usually gives her.  It involves hot wax, vibrator, whip, and sex.   What a treatment!  Afterwards Mike will come home and Donna will stay home awhile longer and Skype with John, which will include some kinky acts I am sure. Then Donna will come over and spend the night with us.

I am not sure what John has in store for her starting Sunday, as he indicated he would have further changes in routine for Donna to follow.  Both Mike and Donna will share with John what happened and the reasons why, so perhaps John won’t revert back to having her be subject to my routine and rules.  I know between Mike and John they will come up with something creative and rewarding for Donna.

Interesting, but Donna still helped out today with all my chores.  There were three major differences.  One, it was her choice to help out.  Two, she got to do them with her collar on.  Finally, she got to wear her “item of the day.”   John and Donna have a TTWD where one hour a day she has to wear the “item of the day.”   It could be a tack bra (and she has a mean looking tack bra made with upholstery tacks), butt plug, nipple/clit clamps, ankle or wrist cuffs, and I am sure I am forgetting some other things.,   Yes, sometime she has to walk around with her feet cuffed. There is enough slack that she can walk, but she has to take very small steps.  Although Mike and I haven’t tried everything they do, you can see where I get some of my ideas!

I am glad this incident resolved itself amicably.  More fun and adventure ahead!  I learned that Donna’s happy place is when she is mindful and observant to her submission.  I have identified many words in several different posts to describe my own feelings about submission – calm (Post 23), love, sexy,  and sensible (Post 27), open (Post 30),  fulfilling (Post 33), but I forgot the most basic one.

Happy!   Submission is my happy place too.

Next:  85.  Light or Dark?  Source of Submission.