The Plan: Expectations and Commitments – (renamed) Duties and Obligations
I immediately had this two part plan developed in my head in what seemed like an instant.
Establish a clear set of expectations for myself that I would in turn commit to with my husband – a set of personal expectations and commitments to myself. I renamed these Duties and Obligations. I wanted a term that was more powerful and spoke of a stronger commitment on my part, as these things were and are a part of my soul.
Expectations would help me define the person I want to be for myself – my DD was going to be different. I was empowered, I called the shots. I will not consider myself as being submissive and my husband as dominate, no more than a professional sports player would be considered submissive to his coach. This was about me, baby! It was about the person I want to be for myself first, which embodied who I wanted to be for my husband and my children.
I started writing a list of expectations and commitments right away as I was excited about actually articulating what my expectations of myself would be. I recommend everyone do this (and share them with their spouse, DD or not). Remember, these aren’t duties and obligations my husband has imposed on me. They are all 100% self-imposed. This is very different than most DD lifestyles, but remember, the lifestyle is for you to define. There is no rule book and you won’t be kicked out of any DD club for doing it wrong. While most DD lifestyles are defined by more extreme submissive and dominant roles, so what? That wasn’t going to define mine.
I needed my husband to help me meet my duties and obligations. How? Would it actually be through discipline like spanking? How could I allow it and would he even do it? For some reason this idea just spoke to my soul. It excited me and for some reason I just knew it was the right thing for me and could bring about a significant and immediate change in my life. I was set on pursuing some form of DD. I just needed to figure out how to get input from my husband that kept our DD focused on my goals. OMG! I now had to share this crazy idea with my husband. How will I do that?
NEXT – 5. Before Getting the Hubby Aboard!
Before I could get Mike aboard, I had to first completely get my head around this. I was less than an hour in to being introduced to the concept of DD and while I was already convinced it held significant promise, I needed to get fully comfortable with the concept and exactly what I would be asking Mike to agree to.
I like lists, so I made myself a Pros and Cons list. They went something like this:.
- Give structure to my chaotic life that was getting increasingly unsatisfying.
- Codify what I expected of myself into a “contract” of behavior would be my way of honoring myself, honoring my husband, and honoring my family. It was not demeaning unless I allowed it, and I would not allow it.
- Asking Mike to help me is his way of honoring me.
- Require myself to share and discuss everything with my husband. Mike would have to have a vested interest in the things that are important to me. No more silent resentments, no more unresolved arguments. It would require a level of communication that no other “system” I could think of would require.
- Provide structure to resolving disputes that was quick and final. No lingering ill feelings.
- Creating a process to resurface those disputes when everyone was calm and respectful – I can tell you that today this has been the biggest Pro of my DD!
- Structure meant I couldn’t just call the shots on a whim.
- Those spankings still seemed demeaning to me.
- I would have to share and discuss everything? I was not used to that.
- Sure disputes would be resolved quickly, but only because Mike would have ultimate final say.
- Again, being submissive does not sit well with me. Punishment? Getting spanked? Are you kidding?
How did I reconcile these cons?
Ultimately, I had to focus on the desired outcome and work backwards. (A great tip to take any problems in life). The outcome was to become the person I wanted to be. That’s a tall order and would not be possible without some sacrifice. Plus, this didn’t have to be permanent. If I didn’t like it, we would stop. So, why not try it?
I still wasn’t sure I was ready. I wasn’t. But the thoughts were running in my mind and I was becoming more and more open to the possibilities. But….how would I justify allowing my husband to punish me? That seems to be the very definition of submissive? How could I ever agree to be submissive?
NEXT – 6. Submission and Accountability