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320. Domestic Discipline Contract Version 3.1

320

Here’s our latest contract.  I refer to it as our 3.1 Version as it isn’t that much different than the one we completed in October 2017.   I touched on some of the differences in Post 313.

And the 2017 version was a big step from our October 2015 version that I refer to as our “2.0” version.   Our 1.0 versions were the two we had from March 2015 to October 2015.  I don’t have copies of those. 

Our very first agreement was just for 30 days as we were trying to figure this out, and the second was for six months.  Confident in what we learned those first seven months, we did a two-year agreement.  Then a two-and-half year agreement.   We did it for 2.5 years because we wanted to sync up the date with our “DD Anniversary” of March 17.  Hey, even kinksters can be sentimental! 

As part of our contract ceremony, once we have agreed on all the changes, we plop our agreement into the barbeque grill and light it on fire.  We then just hold each other and watch it burn.  At that moment, we have no written agreement regarding our dynamic.  We then go inside and sign our new agreement.   

The reason for this is that we don’t want each agreement to just mark an extension of our commitments to each other.  We want them to technically all be NEW commitments, as they did not exist until we signed the new document.  Even though it may only be a matter of minutes between the burning and signing, it is symbolic and very emotional. I get teary-eyed as I am signing.  

I am so happy to have this blog as a reflection.  Like last time, contract time prompted me to go back and read my first dozen or so posts.  I just can’t believe where I was and how far I’ve come in consistently being the wife, mother, sister, friend, and person I want to be.

Okay, enough sentimental stuff.   By the way, we talked about paring it down quite a bit.  We really don’t need such much detail any more as we have internalized so much of it.   The agreement boils down to three simple things – Honesty, Obedience, and Safety.  Ultimately, we decided to leave the detail in.  It was really fun to re-read it and go through each and every word.  Sort of a recommitment, a restating of our DD vows!   Ahhhh, isn’t that sweet?  I guess I wasn’t quite done with the sentimental stuff.   Now I am. 

Or am I?  I also had this one last thought.  I’ve read various things on DD contracts and they often are structured around the “negative” of three D’s – Dishonesty, Disobedience, and Danger.  Early on I choose to make those more positive and state them in a way that is conveying the outcome I was seeking, not the behavior I was trying to avoid.   Sounds subtle, but it meant a lot to me then, and still does today.   Thus, Honest, Obedience, and Safety are what I strive for and for which I am accountable to Mike.    

Here’s our latest masterpiece!  hee-hee.   Apologize for any formatting errors I didn’t catch.  WordPress acts a bit funky with the formatting.

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DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

 TABLE OF CONTENTS

  1. Purpose
    II. Definitions
    III. Effective Date, Term, and Negotiation
    IV. General Duties and Obligations
    V. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
    VI. Discipline
    VII. Maintenance Sessions
    Exhibit A.  Mantras

Whereas Michael and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement codifying and reinforcing their commitments, duties, and obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE

This Agreement codifies Jennifer’s desires to conduct herself in ways that serve Michael and allows her to live the life she desires for herself and to love life, every moment, and every day.
This Agreement codifies Michael’s desires to conduct himself in ways that support Jennifer’s desires to serve him.

Michael’s statement of intent: Jennifer, my love for you is absolute, without limits or conditions.   I admire, respect, and love all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated.  Thank you for the immeasurable trust and confidence you place in me, and most importantly, for your love.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you live the life you strive to live and to be the person you strive to be.

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Michael, I can’t imagine a better partner in life.  Words fail to fully express my thanks, joy, admiration, fulfillment, and love that I receive from you and feel towards you.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as yet another chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently meeting my commitments with your leadership to guide me.  I surrender myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you are without end.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS

  1. DISOBEDIENCE: A violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations. 
  2. DISCIPLINEA consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “correction,” “discipline,” “punishment,” “reprimand,” and “reward.”  The forms of Discipline are specified in Section VI.7.

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND NEGOTIATION

  1. TERM and TERMINATION: Michael and Jennifer agree to these terms effective March 17, 2019.  These terms remain valid until March 17, 2021 (“Termination Date”). This contract shall terminate on March 17, 2021, unless amended as mutually agreed upon.
  2. NEGOTIATION DATE: Michael and Jennifer shall meet starting no later than February 17, 2021 (“Negotiation Date”), to begin negotiation on a new agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Negotiation Date or are unable to complete the negotiations on that day, both parties must mutually agree on alternative and or additional Negotiation Date(s).
  3. NEGOTIATION MEETING:  Michael and Jennifer will discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future. Michael will call the meeting to order by declaring, “Negotiation of our Domestic Discipline Agreement shall now begin.”
  4. SUSPENSION OF THIS AGREEMENT: Upon Michael’s declaration that negotiations have begun, all aspects except Section III of this Agreement are suspended.  Jennifer enters the Negotiation Meeting on equal terms as Michael, no longer submissive to him.  Jennifer speaks first to recognize that she is the author of this Agreement and can consider Michael’s input at her discretion.  If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, Jennifer will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I am once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of this Agreement ends and the existing Agreement is in full effect until Michael calls the next Negotiation meeting to order.  Once this Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Negotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.”

SECTION IV. GENERAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

  1. FOR JENNIFER: Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be accountable to Michael for any and all of her behaviors.  Jennifer shall defer to Michael’s judgment in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Michael’s judgment in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Michael’s execution of her Discipline, she will respectively discuss it only during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Michael’s commands not because she is any less than Michael, but because Jennifer accepts Michael’s authority over her
  2. FOR MICHAEL: Michael shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for her behavior.  Michael commits to sharing his desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others, and Michael will inform Jennifer if he demands her to help fulfill those desires in any way. Michael will strive to be stern and maintain a somber and serious tone in administering Discipline.

SECTION V. JENNIFER’s SPECIFIC DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of Honesty, Obedience, and Safety.

  1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Michael, behaving in a way that cannot be disputed or doubted.  Evaluating her honesty is at Michael’s discretion.  Any doubt Michael has to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  Dishonesty includes embellishment, deceit, disingenuousness, withholding whole or part of the truth, and failure to share with Michael information that he deems Jennifer should know is important to share with him.
  2. OBEDIENCE: Includes (1) Respect Michael as Head of Household, (2) Physical Self Care, (3) Emotional Self-Care, (4) Finances.
    1. .RESPECT MICHAEL AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLDconsists of 10 (ten) components:
      1. Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Michael; avoiding a tone that Michael interprets as rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him; responding to Michael with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate; never cuss at Michael.
      2. Promptness: Jennifer shall do what Michael tells her without hesitation and without body language that Michael may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Michael’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Michael.  This includes instructions Michael gives on any topic, any time, in any place.
      3. Sexual Obedience: Michael may demand any sexual or physical activity to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and anywhere and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer will adhere to “Anytime.    Anything.  Anyone.  Without hesitation.”  Jennifer shall behave in a way that Mike perceives as oblivious as to the time, place, activity, and/or person(s) involved.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Michael demanded.  Michael shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  Jennifer must share with Michael all sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has.
      4. Homemaker: Jennifer shall remain joyfulscheduled, and optimized regarding her homemaker duties which include all household chores regarding organization and cleanliness, and presentability, including ironing.
        1. Joyful: Jennifer shall never refer or imply to anyone that her Homemaker duties are a burden or inconvenience or react to her Homemaker duties in a way that is displeasing to Michael.
        2. Scheduled: Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, events, and masturbation, and submit the schedule and any changes for Michael’s editing and approval.  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when the schedule is not complete.  Jennifer is allowed to have music on while she performs her household chores unless she has sought Michael’s permission to have the television on.  Jennifer shall not behave in a manner that increases any household chores such as leaving her own trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out, towels on the floor, etc.  Further, she is to immediately pick up any such items others have left out.
        3. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties that she has not previously researched. Such as tips on ironing, cleaning, folding fitted sheets, or other household tasks. She will share such research with Michael and incorporate what she learned, as well as Michael’s preferences, into her methods.
      5. MantrasJennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by correctly reciting her Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Michael is home she will recite it in his presence.  If Michael is not home, she will recite them over the phone to him.  If a call was not possible, she will record herself reciting them out loud and text the recording to Michael.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.
      6. Availability and Awareness. Jennifer shall let Michael know where she is at all times. She is to provide Michael an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Michael to reach her at any time.  Jennifer shall ask Michael’s permission before doing something that could mean a change in the usual routine or that could result in a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations.
      7. Permission: Jennifer shall ask Michael’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.”
      8. Deference: Consistent with the respectfulness, dutifulness, and obedience that Jennifer desires, Jennifer shall defer to Michael’s judgment on any matter that Michael and Jennifer may disagree on.  She may calmly discuss the matter at a Maintenance Session and any discussion ends when Michael says it ends, and any decision he makes will be accepted by Jennifer.  Jennifer shall also consult with Michael on any major decisions before Jennifer makes her opinions known to anyone other than Michael.  Jennifer will always defer to Michael in public, never questioning his statements and never offering her opinion unless Michael has asked.
      9. Loyalty: Jennifer shall never complain to others about Michael or about any of her responsibilities.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced by Michael or by her Duties and Responsibilities.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaints should be aired only to Michael.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Michael or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.
      10. Assignments At any time and at his full discretion, Michael may provide Jennifer with a specific Assignment such as reading a particular book or doing research, as well as providing a written report to him on the book or research.  The Assignment may also encompass any other tasks that he may assign for any reason.
    2. PHYSICAL SELF-CAREconsists of four components:
      1. Physical Well-Being: Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; bathing, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities),  maintaining weight acceptable to Michael, exercising to Michael’s satisfaction, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Michael.
      2. Physical Appearance: Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Michael and subject to all his demands.  These demands include but are not limited to; maintaining hair that is presentable and styled to Michael’s liking, maintaining or attaining a weight to Michael’s liking, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining pubic hair according to Michael’s demands, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, shape, or grow out. Jennifer shall seek Mike’s permission and approval before obtaining any body piercings, tattoos, or any type of body modification, including the removal of existing piercings.
      3. Attire: Jennifer shall be fully nude at home unless given permission by Michael to the contrary.  Jennifer has Michael’s implied permission for things such as a solicitor or delivery person who comes to the door but Jennifer shall inform Michael of this.  Michael may deem that Jennifer is in violation if he feels the situation did not warrant her to be clothed.   Whenever possible Jennifer should ask Mike for permission to be clothed before donning clothes in the house.  When Jennifer is dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Michael demands, including whether or not she is to wear a bra or panties.  Jennifer shall always ask Michael’s permission to remove her nipple piercings.
      4. Gracefulness: Jennifer shall walk gracefully, sit down smoothly, and assume a pretty sitting posture, in public at Michael’s discretion. Michael shall correct her if she is not presenting herself gracefully.
    3. EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE Consists of five components:
      1. FeelingsJennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Michael regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share with Michael any negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings.
      2. Relationships: Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cut off relationships that Michael believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Michael must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Michael forbids it.
      3. Workload: Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Michael’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much.  Behaviors Jennifer is known to exhibit when overworked include but are not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged).  Other indicators are at Michael’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report as soon as she begins to feel burdened by her workload.
      4. Masturbation: Jennifer shall masturbate alone and to climax three times a week, not including any additional demands from Michael.  Two of the three masturbation session must be written into her weekly Homemaker Schedule per Section V.2.1.4.2.
      5. Journaling: Jennifer must maintain a handwritten daily journal addressing these topics
        1. Jennifer’s reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day.
        2. Any Disobedient act of Jennifer’s that Michael was not aware of.
        3. Insights into her required masturbating, including details of when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated.
        4. A detailed account of any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Michael if Michael was not present during the activity, including details on the acts performed and how she felt before, during, and afterward.
        5. Points of clarity she is seeking regarding any topic Jennifer wants to address at Maintenance.
        6. Any concerns or troubling thoughts she has on any topic, including any moments she may not have felt submissive or acted as submissively as she would have liked.
      6. Self-disparaging Remarks: Jennifer shall never disparage herself for any reason, such as referring to herself as a whore, slut, or any other negative term.  While she may do so for humor, it is at Michael’s discretion as to whether the humor was appropriate.  
    4. FINANCES: Jennifer shall keep within the budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Michael, such as food and toiletries without Michael’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She does not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit and she is not to waste water or any household materials.
  3. SAFETY consists of the following:
    1. RISK OF ACCIDENT, INJURY, OR THEFT: Jennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Michael will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, shall not leave her credit or debit card or drivers license at any store or office, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.
    2. RISK OF JUDGMENT OF FAMILY OR FRIENDS: Jennifer must show discretion and respect for her and her family’s safety regarding sharing aspects of her lifestyle with others.  Such aspects include but are not limited to Domestic Discipline, Dominant/submissive, Polyamory, or Swinging. Jennifer shall not initiate disseminating such information but is free to answer any direct question someone may have of her about those aspects of her lifestyle.  Such answers should provide the minimal amount of information necessary to truthfully answer their question.  This includes sharing additional details with people who are already aware of some or all aspects of her lifestyle.  Jennifer shall promptly share with Michael any such disclosures she made to someone.  It will be at Michael’s discretion to determine if such disclosure was consistent with Jennifer demonstrating appropriate discretion and respect for Safety.

SECTION VI: DISCIPLINE

  1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:
    1. MICHAEL’S AUTHORITY: Jennifer grants Michael full and ultimate authority to determine the appropriate Discipline Jennifer is to receive.  Michael may use his discretion to provide any Discipline not explicitly defined or explained in this Agreement.
    2. DISPUTES: If Jennifer feels her Discipline was not consistent with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Discipline and accept it without complaint or use her Safe Words to modify or stop the Discipline.  She can then use the next Maintenance Session to discuss her concerns about the Discipline she received.
    3. SAFEWORDS: Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline.  Use of a safe word will not subject Jennifer to additional Discipline for her use of the said safe word.
      1. Yellow instructs Michael to pause.  Michael will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume that specific activity that caused her to call “Yellow” or if he needs to alter the Discipline.  The Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or she indicates that different Discipline is needed.
      2. Red instructs Michael to stop.  Michael and Jennifer will discuss whether or not the Discipline can resume in some alternative form.  It will be at Jennifer’s discretion to resume; else it will be considered complete and After Care will commence.    
    4. HARD LIMITS: Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), Scat, and any illegal activities.
  2. DISCIPLINE TIMING/LOCATION: Michael will strive to promptly administer all Discipline.  When Michael determines it is not possible to quickly administer Discipline, it will be administered as soon as reasonably possible.  Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, without regard to how public or private it may be, regardless who else may be present, and regardless the type of Discipline Michael chooses to administer, whether verbal, physical, bare bottom, or otherwise.  If Michael is comfortable administering the Discipline at a given time and place, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that given time and place.  When Discipline is provided at home and Michael directs Jennifer to go to her room, it will follow the Discipline Ceremony as per Section V.4.; otherwise, it will follow Section V.5.
  3. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Discipline shall generally be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner, with the exception of lectures.  Jennifer expressly desires Michael to be as stern, serious, and mean as he chooses when lecturing her.  Michael may use condescending and/or degrading terms of his choosing.  Michael shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered, and is subject to Michael’s interpretation.  Michael shall perform appropriate After Care and perform the Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.
    1. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Michael down for failing to be Honest, Obedient, or Safe, and for letting herself down for failing to uphold her Duties and Obligations in being submissive to Michael.
    2. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically and emotionally surrendered while being Disciplined, granting Michael complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Michael’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Michael.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back. Jennifer encourages Michael to verbally demand her to present and maintain specific surrendered postures.
    3. AftercareMichael is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven. 
    4. Closing CeremonyAt the completion of the Discipline, Michael will say, “All is forgiven.”  Jennifer will respond, “All is forgiven.”  This serves as a sign that Michael has forgiven her and that Jennifer has forgiven herself.   Further, Michael harbors no negative feelings towards Jennifer for her need for Discipline, and Jennifer harbors no negative feelings towards Michael for his administering Discipline.  Life moves on in peace.   
      .
  4. DISCIPLINE CEREMONY:  When Jennifer is directed to go to her room to be Disciplined.
    1. Upon entering the room Jennifer will disrobe if not already nude. 
    2. Jennifer shall stand facing the designated corner waiting for Michael. Absent any other instructions from Michael regarding her posture, her default posture will be to stand upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. 
    3. Jennifer will not make eye contact or even acknowledge Michael when he enters the room. Jennifer is to remain silent and await any command.  Michael may demand that Jennifer retrieve an implement or he may have already selected one.  Michael will then call Jennifer over.
    4. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Michael with her eyes open and her head bowed.
    5. Michael speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is being Disciplined.  Jennifer must look up and into Michael’s eyes and accurately state why.   If she does not know or is inaccurate, Michael may choose to increase the severity of the Discipline.  When Jennifer speaks she must speak clearly, calmly, and matter-of-factly so that Michael can easily hear.  While maintaining eye contact with Michael, Jennifer must recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.  Jennifer is then to return to bowing her head and avoiding eye contact until After Care.
    6. Michael shall thank Jennifer for recognizing her Disobedience and her acceptance of his leadership and authority.  Michael may begin or continue to lecture Jennifer.
    7. Michael will instruct Jennifer as to the position she must take.  Michael will then administer the Discipline and may continue lecturing throughout. Michael may assign other Discipline(s) such as writing lines, corner time, or anything else at his discretion before initiating the Closing Ceremony per Section VI 3.3 and Section VI.3.4
      .
  5. IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINE:  When Michael administers Discipline on the spot, without sending Jennifer to her room.
    1. Michael will provide Jennifer instructions regarding a location suitable to him to provide the Discipline, including on the spot she where she stands.  She is to follow Michael’s instructions regarding the removal of any or all clothing and as to what position she is to take.     
    2. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply without regard to the surroundings.
    3. Michael will deliver her initial Discipline.  Immediate Discipline is given without warm up, with strokes that are in quick succession and continue as long as Michael wishes.   The intent is to create a sort of “Shock and Awe” such that Jennifer knows that she may be subject to quick and immediate Discipline the moment she is Disobedient. 
    4. Michael will ask Jennifer why she is being Disciplined.  Michael will administer additional Discipline if Jennifer is uncertain or incorrect.  Michael will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Discipline. 
    5. Jennifer shall receipt her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.
    6. Michael may lecture Jennifer as he deems necessary and will then Discipline Jennifer a final time.  Michael may assign other Discipline such as writing lines, corner time, or anything else at his discretion before initiating the Closing Ceremony per Section VI.3.3. and Section VI.3.4.
  6. MAINTENANCE DISCIPLINE: All Maintenance Sessions will begin and end with a spanking at Michael’s discretion.  These are not intended as punishment, but as a reminder of Jennifer’s submission and to provide her appropriate release as per Michael’s discretion. 
  7. CATEGORIES OF DISCIPLINE
    1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE consists of Jennifer being spanked with an implement of Michael’s choice, or by hand.  She may be spanked on any part of her body that Michael determines is appropriate for her Discipline.
    2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINEconsists of any physical discipline other than a spanking.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, nipple clamps, tack bra, butt plug, nipple and/or clit clamps, enemas, or any other device or implement intended to cause appropriate discomfort consistent with the Discipline Michael wants to administer.
    3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINEincludes but is not limited to corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet or seeing family or friends.  Any restrictions on seeing family or friends is not to exceed one week. 
    4. VERBAL DISCIPLINEconsists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Michael may direct at Jennifer.  It is rarely given by itself as behaviors requiring Verbal Discipline most often require other forms of Discipline be administered.

SECTION VII. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS

  1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Michael and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Michael review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline as per guidelines in Section VII.3.
  2. THURSDAY SESSIONSconsist of Michael and Jennifer meeting with Kayla to review the collective triad dynamic with the intent of maintaining and fostering health and open communication between the three of them.  Jennifer will receive Maintenance Discipline per Section VII.3.
  3. MAINTENANCE SESSION CEREMONY Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Michael administering her first Maintenance Discipline.
    1. Much like After-Care, Michael and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Michael.  Michael will, in turn, express his love for Jennifer and thank her for the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.
    2. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  They will then discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved. Jennifer will present her Daily Journal to Michael for his review and inspection.
      Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Michael was unaware. Michael will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.
      Michael will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      Jennifer will be given corner time for self-reflection as determined by Michael.  Michael may choose to leave the room, stay, or come and go during her corner time.  When corner time is up, she is to masturbate to climax.  After Jennifer’s orgasm she is to lay in bed, meditate, and it is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instruction.
      When Michael determines her self-reflection time is complete, he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite her Morning and Evening Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.  Michael may wait for as long as he chooses before holding her outstretched hands.  While holding her hands, Jennifer will remain kneeling with her head bowed.
      When Michael is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take a position and receive her last Maintenance Discipline.
      Appropriate After-Care is administered and the Maintenance Session is over
    3. THURSDAY SESSIONS: After Maintenance Discipline is given, the remainder of the Thursday sessions are unstructured and at Mike’s discretion.  They may include a final Maintenance Discipline.
      .

EXHIBIT A:  MANTRAS

  1. MORNING MANTRA
    “Today I desire submission;

    through humility, not humiliation,
    through service, not suffering, 
    through being present, not in pain
    through being useful, not used,  
    through discipline, not punishment, 
    through focusing on Michael’s desires, my only need and purpose.”
  2. EVENING MANTRA
    “Thank you, Michael. 
    Thank you, Michael, for leading, as I follow you.
    Thank you, Michael, for working, as I serve you.

    Thank you, Michael, for providing, as I appreciate you.
    Thank you, Michael, for guiding, as I trust you.
    Thank you, Michael, for deciding, as I obey you.
    I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.
  3. DISCIPLINE MANTRA
    I accept your leadership and authority over me.
    I accept whatever discipline you decide that I have earned.
    I accept and appreciate the punishment I have earned
    I apologize for {transgression} as that does not represent the person and wife I want to be.
    I apologize that you have to take the time to correct me
    I am ready to be punished.

Next: 321. Perception is Reality

202. A Weighty Subject (of Fairness)

202

There are several things I want to write about.  I want to “unpack” some emotions and reflections on my misbehavior per my prior post.  I also want to talk about Kayla and what she was referring to in the statement she made (also from my prior post).   So, with that, I think I’ll start with something else completely. HA HA!

QUARTERLY GOAL
Our new DD Contract provides for Mike to set Quarterly Goals for me.  “Such goals are to be focused on Jennifer’s self improvement…”   As I shared, Mike’s first goal for me was to lose 18 pounds by January 18.  The Quarterly Goal falls under the Respect Mike as Head of Household subsection of our Obedience clause.  Missing the goal would result in a punishment since it would be disobedient of me to fail.

18.3 pounds to be exact.  I started at 153.3 pounds, goal is 135. I am 136.8

I am confident I’ll make it.  The pounds have come off more slowly lately but 1.8 pounds in two weeks is doable.   Mike is going to weigh me three times on the 18th (morning, afternoon, and evening) and take an average.  Oh, in case you are wondering, I am 5’6″.  By the way, I weighed between 160-165 for most of my 40’s.  I slowly lost weight about the time our DD started in 2015.  I wasn’t dieting or focusing on it.  It was the byproduct of simply taking better care of myself and being more active.

I feel great and found it easier to lose than I anticipated.  I think my submissive mindset helped.  It also helped that Mike held me to an exercise regimen else I could be punished – I always kept to my exercise schedule.  Also, Mike made me ask him for permission if I wanted a treat — an occasional cookie or whatever.  I never had to ask because I never wanted such treats.  

HOLD ON, DID YOU SAY YOUR HUSBAND MADE YOU LOSE WEIGHT?
I feel compelled to share my thoughts on Mike’s choice of weight loss as my first goal.  If you think the topic of being a submissive wife isn’t incendiary enough, throw in a husband’s demands about their wife’s appearance and you have a very incendiary topic.  It reeks of self-serving misogyny,  a furthering of the chauvinistic patriarchy.   It serves to objectify women which deepens the blame women get for the lustful and licentious urges of men.  It promotes women as vixens, as sirens, as monsters.

Or not.   Yeah, I guess it could be all those things, or could just be that Mike has a preference regarding my appearance and I am happy to oblige. 

My submission is about Mike’s preferences; mundane preferences regarding the household or bigger topics like sex, my behavior, or even about my personal appearance and weight.   I’ve loved the new “dress code” and I love the thinner me.  And it’s not like I am thin.  I am a good weight, not thin, not to fat.

If Mike were to ask me to lose more I would consider it, but could “veto.”  We agreed that I can use a safe word on any Quarterly Goal if I felt I could not handle it or it became too burdensome to continue.  As for the next Quarterly Goal, well, Mike hasn’t said what he has in mind.

WHAT’S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE?
If you recall, Mike committed to losing 12 himself.  He didn’t have to but said he wanted to provide a “supportive” environment.  Well, he is falling short.  He has lost eight and I don’t see four coming off in the next two weeks.  Obviously there is no consequences for him other than I win bragging rights.   Now is that fair?   

FAIRNESS IN D/s
I first wrote about the concept of fairness in D/s in Post 136. Submitted Wife.  I’ll try not to repeat myself.

Is it fair that Mike does not have to suffer consequences for not meeting his weight commitment?   In fact, is it fair that he doesn’t have consequences for any of his mistakes or negative behavior?  Why should I get spanked while he gets off without even a slap on the wrist?   D/s seems inherently unfair.

I imagine this idea of “unfairness” is hard for some new submisssives to accept.  To those who see it as unfiar I say that D/s is very fair.  Any idea of unfairness, while understandable, is framed in a distorted view of what “fair” means.       

I believe those who see it as unfair are confusing Fairness with Sameness.  Yes, roles and responsibilities are not the same in D/s, but that doesn’t make them inherently unfair.  I have taken on a unique role in our household, and Mike also has a unique role.  They are not the same, they require different types of commitments, thus must be judged by different criteria.  They both have consequences, but those consequences are different.

It has happened many times where I have been punished for a behavior that Mike has been guilty of too.  That is not the point.  His behavior is not in question with the roles and responsibilities we have established.   His behavior is not relevant to my Duties and Obligations – Duties and Obligations that I helped create and that I committed to.  It is no different from if some other woman behaved contrary to my rules.  So what!?!!?  It is not relevant to my performance of my Duties and Obligations.

Mike has said that punishing me for behaviors he is guilty of actually has an impact on him.  He does reflect on it and it gives him resolve to not repeat it.  But that is a by-product of a healthy D/s relationship.  It isn’t a stated requirement.

And consider that Mike has his own set of duties and obligations that differ from mine.  He has to consider the impact of his decisions.  The impact on me, on Kayla, on our relationship.  It is a big responsibility.  He has to make difficult decisions, such as what occurred in the last post, knowing those decisions could anger or disappoint me or Kayla.  With power comes great responsibility.

Yes, I find it fair that Mike is subject to his own self-discipline regarding his behavior, and that I am subject to his physical discipline regarding mine.   That’s how D/s works.  Sure, corporal punishment is the technique used to guide my behavior and reduce conflict, but that reduction in conflict gives space to love, adoration, respect, and fulfillment.  The “Discipline” in Domestic Discipline is love. Sounds fair to me.

NEXT: 203. The S*ck and F*ck Mystery

132. Good Groove/ Bad Move – Spanked!

GoodGrooveBadMove

Three weeks since posting and IMHO I have a good reason.  Simply put, nothing much was going on.   It was three weeks of a routine Domestic Discipline household.  I have been very good with my Duties and Obligations and, while I don’t keep track of this, I believe I’ve gone my longest time without a punishments.   In the past, if ten or so days went by with no spanking, I would end up asking for one (Maintenance spankings help, but aren’t enough).   I shared such “mercy” spankings before such as in Post 126 and Post 42.

GOOD GROOVE!
This time was different.  Fulfilling my duties and obligations was fully satisfying and I did not feel a yearning for a spanking.   I can’t fully explain why that is.  If I could put my finger on it I’d certainly try and bottle it for future use.  I think it is just how life works sometimes.  You just get in a positive grove that feeds on itself.  Just like there are times you might get in a negative rut that feeds on itself.

At the same time I’ve been in this groove, Kayla has completely settled into her submissive/slave routine.  She seems to have found the level of submission she has been seeking (and it’s much deeper than mine).  She too hasn’t been yearning for more and more.  I credit Mike for a lot of this as he has been extremely responsive to Kayla’s needs.  I know for some this sounds like a violation of the M/s principles, but to each his (or her) own.  I believe for submission to work it has to start with the submissive.  The submissive must achieve a level of submission that delivers them emotional prosperity.   That prosperity is facilitated by the Dom, but can’t be dictated by the Dom.   Of course, I don’t mean to state this in absolutes.  I am sure there are different dynamics that work fine for other D/s, or M/s  relationships.   But for me personally, it is an absolute.  

So while I have gone some time without a spanking, Kayla can’t say the same — but she is very happy with that.  She has many more Duties and Obligations and is precisely held to them.  Even her Duties and Obligations include acts that to me, are punishments.   With Kayla in her own “positive groove” and with me in mine, well, there just hasn’t been much to share you with.   Until now!

BAD MOVE!
I was having lunch with some girlfriends of mine – 5 to be exact.  An old high school friend and her sister, a former co-worker and one of her close friends (so a friend of a friend), and a friend I met years ago through someone else.  These are all non-kink girlfriends,  as in, platonic, “normal” friendships with other women.   We probably get together four or five times a year. Beyond that, it is Facebook, Twitter, and texting.  

We got together recently and the topic of sex came up.  Now I said these were “normal” friends, and I don’t know about you, but us girls talk about sex.  Not overly graphic, mostly innuendo, humorous type references, but sex none-the-less.  One of them has a husband who just turned 50 and someone asked her, “So, what’s it like sleeping with a 50 year old?”   That turned the conversation to sex.  I made some comment and someone jokingly said, “What would you know, Mike’s not 50.”   My snarky come back was, “Well, who said I was talking about Mike?”  

I knew the moment the words came out of my mouth that I had done a “no-no.”   There was a fleeting moment where I thought I should just laugh and tell them I was kidding and that would be that.  So in that fleeting moment what did I say?.  “Oh wait, no, he is under 50 also.” 

I don’t  know what compelled me to say such things.  I believe, in part, it is the fact that I am not ashamed of my lifestyle and in fact, am grateful for it.  Another part is that I was riding a wave of contentment – that “positive groove” I mentioned earlier.  Whatever the motivation, I said it, and there it was.  I just told them I slept with someone other than Mike.

This, of course, led to questions.  Again, instead of ending it all as simply a silly joke, I answered them honestly.  I did show some discretion.  I didn’t give names, but ultimately shared that Mike and I have swapped and had foursomes and continue to do so.  What I shared with them basically dealt with our relationship with John and Donna, but I never named them.  I didn’t reference anything about our relationship with Kayla, domestic discipline, or submission.   

Their reactions were pretty cool.  They were inquisitive, jovial, and even supportive. If they were judgmental, shocked, or even disgusted, they hid it well.   Anyway, this isn’t about their reaction.  It is about Mike’s. 

Of course I told Mike that I told them.  He got upset.  We agreed that any decisions to share anything about TTWD would be made mutually – it is even stated in my DD contract.  Mike knew that I am fully aware of this as it is not some vague item in the contract that we’ve forgotten about.  We’ve talked about this issue before, such as when I wanted to tell Kayla or tell my sisters about TTWD.   Mike felt I boldly and blatantly chose to ignore my Duties and Obligations under the contract.  Moreover, even if the contract didn’t exist it was very discourteous of me to share this with anyone without discussing it with him.  

Mike said that this was more than just me not doing some act of service that I agree be responsible for.  It was more than disobeying or disrespecting him.  In his mind it was a total disregard of his privacy.  For that, I would be punished.  

I knew I shouldn’t have told them and I knew there would be a punishment in the offing. I wasn’t prepared for how significant a punishment it was going to be.   After the punishment I shared in Post 131, it seems like perhaps when I fail, I fail big!    This was another big one.  The fact I didn’t anticipate it also made it a bigger deal.  

The punishment is over, but suffice to say my nipples are raw, my ass is sore (inside and out), and I still have a lingering bad taste in my mouth.  I’ll share the details on my next post.  SPOILER ALERT.   As always, it has a happy ending!  And I don’t mean that in the cliche euphemism of “happy ending.”   Although I guess in some ways it was happy in that way too. Hee hee.  Oh, the life of a submissive!

NEXT: 133. Intense Punishment

 

94. Kayla’s Contract. Defining her submission.

dsk
Kayla is working on a D/s contract. We felt she should write her own. She likes the framework of mine and it will have a lot of similarities, but will be modified to her needs and desires. Of course, we all know a contract is not binding, but it is the best tool to demonstrate commitment, and the second best tool for communicating and maintaining expectations. The best tool for that is, of course, old fashion talking!

EXPRESSING
No, this isn’t about some Hucow fetish, not that there is anything wrong with that.  This is about expressing feelings.  Sharing her feelings is going to be critical. I can tell it will be hard for her to truly identify what she is feeling. It may take some intense questioning/pushing in order to get her to identify the “true” feelings.  One way we will support this is that she is encouraged to ask me lots of questions, even to politely express her disagreement with anything, including me. With Mike, her questioning of his decisions, requests, or statements are reserved for Maintenance Sessions, just like for me – however, instead of weekly, her sessions will more frequent.

We all agreed that Kayla does enough suppressing of her emotions that we felt having to wait for a once a week session would be counterproductive. Kayla suggested “Immediate Maintenance” session that either she or Mike could call. Sort of like, “I need to express myself now, but want to respect the moment and not simply blurt out in anger.” Having a formal maintenance session, even an impromptu one, provides the best atmosphere for sharing. These “Immediate” sessions would have much of the pomp and circumstances of a weekly meeting, including a spanking. In addition, she would still be a normal weekly Maintenance Session. We might call these Immediate Sessions something else – still working on the details of that.

One other way we are supporting this is that at any time she may be questioned on what she is feeling in that moment.  She needs to quickly articulate it and possibly be pressed further to confirm or change her answer.  This could be very frustrating for her as she is used to answering, “Fine” to most questions about her feelings.

TERM
We talked about making the initial term of the contract 90 days. I feel setting a term is more about making a commitment to yourself.  From my personal experience it helped me not give up too quickly early on if I had a bad day or two.  Understanding that there is this end point helps give you strength to see the tough days through.  Of course, nothing keeps any of us from us walking away at any time, but writing it down in a contract makes you more committed.   I know I learned a lot after my first three months and being able to “renegotiate” was helpful in keeping my DD on track until Mike and I better settled into a routine.

KAYLA’S SUBMISSION TO ME
Surprise! She does what to be submissive to me. We talked about various concerns with that. I believe there is a chance she can feel overwhelmed submitting to both of us.  And it could be hard on us.  It is difficult enough for Mike to learn how to best be her Dom, and now I am put in that position as well?   Consistency? Duplication?  Lots of concerns there.

We ultimately agreed that she will always respond to me with a “Yes Ma’am” or a “No Ma’am,” but my punishing her would be limited. We agreed that I would be responsible for Immediate Rewards if Mike was not around.  Mike will address any transgressions that doesn’t require an immediate action. Also, as previously stated, she is able to question me more (still respectfully).

While this works for Kayla, I am a bit concerned that this can get me out of my submissive head space. I am not sure if it will, but I recognize the risk is there. We will just have to see. I am willing to give it a try and frankly, the thought of being a bit Dom intrigues me.

KAYLA’S DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS
Kayla also wants similar “Duties and Obligations” regarding honesty, obedience, self-care, and safety. The M/s community often refers to the 4 D’s of Dishonesty, Disobedience, Danger, and Disrespect. I wanted to flip them to their positives of Honesty, Obedience, etc. It just sounds more positive! She wants to word her a bit differently, as she does have different obligations regarding school, etc., but she is keeping the same headings. Sounds good!

She is putting in a lot more rules than I have. For instance, keeping her room clean is good enough for us, but she wanted lots of specifics as to what it means. She said she gets a thrill thinking about having to focus on little details. She feels that focusing on and accomplishing her duties and obligations is a huge thrill, so having more of them will give her a bigger thrill. Of course, it also means more opportunities to be punished, but she said she is okay with that.

She says doesn’t have false expectations of never failing.   I wasn’t so sure at first. I don’t want her to take on too much. There have been days, especially early on in this lifestyle, that I felt a bit defeated. I know there will be days like that for her. I want her to be prepared and be equipped to shake those days off.   We spent a lot of time discussing this and ultimately I think she is going in with the right expectations.

We talked about the Sexual Obedience part of my contract. You would think that this shy, self-conscious young woman would wilt under the discussion of sex, but other than needing a bit of extra prying and encouragement, she is comfortable talking about it. Partly because we’ve talked about sexual things before, but not in this detail or context.   Ultimately, while Mike has full discretion in requesting any sexual act to be performed on or by me, Kayla wanted some limits. As it pertains to Mike and I being the ones performing “on or by her,” she was fine with full discretion for Mike. Otherwise, Mike can ask if she wants to partake (or be partaken – is that a word?), and she is free to decline.  I am happy she put some limits on this. I would be worried if she was just accepting everything. It tells me she is giving it some thought.

PUNISHMENTS
She plans to have similar “rewards” such as Immediate, Deferred, and Escalated.   She did have one request that I feel also shows she was giving this a lot of thought. She wants any spankings during maintenance sessions to only be by hand. I think she recognizes that hand spankings are a bit more intimate and the thought of that makes her feel good.

We talked about getting some new implements (as well as toys), sort of “hers, hers, and ours” where some could be used on/by both of us, and others were just for one of us.   Not quite an XXX-mas in July, in fact, more like a Merry XXXmas! There is some fun shopping ahead. We spent some time perusing some sex toys online. This was another great bonding experience with all of us sharing what did and did not look appealing to us. Suffice to say, our tastes were not that different, except she definitely likes the idea of handcuffs, ropes, and restraints way more than I do.

RECAP
Later in the day when we were recounting the events of when Mike asked her to undress, Kayla shared that while she was a bit shocked, she also got this “good” nervousness in her belly and nether-regions. She said she really looks forward to being submissive. She is excited about getting spanked but also worried about just how much it might hurt. She expressed concern about “not being able to take it.” We both reassured her that she should never hesitate with a safe word and she does not let anyone down if she needs to cut a punishment short. She even asked a couple of times that day if Mike was going to spank her as she would forget to call him Sir. Mike finally had to sternly tell her that there would be no spankings today. Her nakedness and inspection was enough submission for now. Mike is really letting the tension of thinking about a spanking build up inside her. I thought not spanking her that day was a bit unfair given how Kayla is. I think she would have benefited from a firm spanking right there, even for no particular reason. But I also know it will make her first spanking all the more memorable.

Until then!

Next: 95.  Much ado about. . . spanking

66. A Quick Spanking Story

strap
I can’t believe it’s been nine days since my last post.   Things have been pretty routine around hereJohn and Donna went out of town for the long holiday weekend, so no adult time with them last weekend.

I will give you a two-fer today in two separate posts.

  • The first is a spanking story to give you pervs something to get all warm and tingly about.
  • The second is a more of an  esoteric ramble to give you philosophers, truth-seekers, and dreamers something to percolate in your mind.

Spanking Story
I did get a punishment over the weekend from Mike that was notable due to the severity.   I don’t get spanked often as I seem to have hit a stride with our routine and am consistently able to fulfill all my many duties and obligations.  The notable exception was last weekend.  I had gone out with my niece (she is in her twenties) for some shopping and a day out.   I forgot my cell phone, which is a no-no.  I called Mike from my niece’s phone to make him aware I didn’t have my phone on me.   When I called him I didn’t expect him to scold me or tell me there would be consequences later.  He knows that I know that there will be consequences, so no need to point it out.  What I wasn’t sure of is whether he would tell me to come home now and if so, spank me of course and then he may or may not allow me to go back out.

He just matter-of-factly said that if he needed something he would call my niece’s phone.  I was relieved he didn’t want me to come home right then.  My days out are not just for fun, but are needed as part of decompressing and re-energizing myself to take on the primary care duties of our son.  I mentioned before he has a disability and caring for him can be physically and emotionally demanding.  Of course, add in all the domestic duties I have willingly taken on, and mentally I need my occasional days out.

I knew what was in store for me when I got home, although I wasn’t prepared for the intensity of it.   As I pulled into the garage and closed the garage door, Mike entered and said, “Drop your pants right there.”  He shared that our son was over at a friends and wouldn’t be back for about an hour.   I did so and leaned against the car and Mike proceeded to spank me by hand, very hard, probably about 30 times in rapid succession.

He then told me to undress and go to our room.  I did so, and took the customary stance in the corner, awaiting his arrival.  Mike came in the room and without moving from the corner took off his belt and gave me about 15, again in pretty rapid succession.  He then told me to clasp my hands behind my head and continue standing in the corner.  He left the room and came back about 10 minutes later.  He got the infamous prison strap and spanked me pretty hard five times, then called me over across his knee.  He spanked me countless times by hand, perhaps 200.  Not hard, but just a steady rhythm of spank after stinging spank.   Needless to say I was quite teary eyed and my ass was completely covered in the brightest shade of pink I’ve ever seen.   When he was done he had me stand in the corner about another 15 minutes and then we concluded the episode per our Rewards Ceremony and that was that.

It was while I was in the corner that I began to reflect and ponder, which leads me to the next post . . .

NEXT:  67. An Esoteric Ramble

46. Reflections: Service, Submission, Brass Tacks, and Colonel Jessup?

This is one of those self-reflecting posts; however, for those that like to hear stories of submission, there is something in it for you as well.   Lastly, if you are a fan of a Few Good Men, the next time you watch it I hope you remember reading this post and it puts an extra smile on your face.

Reflecting on the Argument
Wow, three straight days of posting.  That’s unusual but is due to a combination of less hectic demands of the day and better organization on my part.

While all is forgiven regarding the Argument, I still need to understand what led to it so as not to repeat it.  I am not dwelling on it from the perspective a negative emotion like guilt or shame.  I am reflecting on it to seek a greater understanding for the triggers that led to my behavior.

Thank you jadescastle!
I have to thank jadescastle for her comments that rang very true to me.  She thought perhaps it was a combination of vulnerability and anger that compromised my coping skills.  I believe that was a big part of it.   The lack of control over my son’s injury along with the challenges in dealing with his compounded needs certainly had me in a vulnerable state.  No system, DD or otherwise, is a guarantee that you won’t be emotionally vulnerable from time to time.  I just didn’t recognize it because until then, a situation like this hadn’t occurred since we began our DD.  I believe now I will be more sensitive to recognizing the early signs and avoid a recurrence of what happened.

I also believe part of it was that I was sensing the distance that I was getting from our DD and it made me anxious.  I enjoy our DD.  I want our DD.  I need our DD.  (Said in my head with the intensity of Colonel Jessup).   In fact, that inspired me to modify his monologue.  It would be my message to anyone who finds anything to do with DD abhorrent and who feels entitled for me to explain myself:

You can’t handle the truth!  Women live in a world that has challenges, and we can get help with those challenges from our men.  Who else is gonna’ do it?  You?  I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom.  You weep for my DD and you curse our methods.  You have that luxury of not knowing what I know.  Our DD, while at times uncomfortable, improves our lives.  And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, improves our lives.  You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties you want some DD, you need some DD.  We use words like Duties, Obligations, and Rewards.  We use these words as the backbone of our lifestyle.  You use them as a punchline.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to someone who has no idea as to the fulfillment, nurturing and love I receive and provide, and then question the manner in which I receive and provide it.   I would rather you just said “good for you,” and went on your way.  Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a paddle and stand ready to receive it.  Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Okay, I digress.  Back to the issue at hand.   Although I sensed the distance, I told myself I could handle it and it was temporary and I would “close the gap” soon enough on my own.   Thus I resisted when Mike forced the issue.

One major “doh!” moment was courtesy of another comment from jadescastle, pointing out I could clean/cook while on the phone.  I feel like I am not as good of a listener when I multi-task, but, given my top commitments are to my family, it would have been an easy and preferred trade-off versus ignoring my duties.

Lastly, jadescastle mentioned something about “not prioritizing over his needs.”  That statement really hit home as it reminded me that serving him is what gives me tremendous pleasure, more pleasure than helping my niece, more pleasure than anything else.

“Serving him” was not what I originally intended with our DD, but I get tremendous joy in doing so and I momentarily forgot that.  I’ve learned I really love submission.  In fact, I have come to think of what we do not as Domestic Discipline, but as Service and Submission.  If SS was an understood and accepted term, that is what I would call our DD going forward.

As such, I asked Mike for something.  I asked him for a Reward that could be considered an overall “attitude adjustment.”   Things that would remind me and demonstrate my love for serving him and my willingness to submit to him.

Mike came up with some things which we implemented yesterday.  We will review them at our next Maintenance Session to discuss what, if anything, will continue.  I call these my Service and Submission Reminders as the purpose of this exercise is to get me refocused on my desire to serve and submit.

Mike came up with two of what he calls “Behavioral” Reminders:

  1.  Mike leads:  He will lead me when we are out in public. I will walk a step behind him and he will hold my wrist, not my hand.   I don’t think people pay that much attention, but if they do, the visual is clear – he is leading me.
  2. I do not speak:  In any interaction with others, I will not speak until given permission, which may be verbal or a head nod from Mike. We did this during our M/s immersion.  It is awkward and uncomfortable, but I think of it as a game.  I like to see the reaction it gets when someone asks me something and I look to Mike and he either answers it or nods his head to allow me to speak.  And when I do speak, more often than not the answer is, “Whatever pleases him.”

He then came up with two of what he calls “Physical” Reminders:

  1. Daily physical challenge: Mike had me make a Tack Bra. It took some trial and error, but I had a bra that turned out to be perfect for this.  It had just enough padding and material so the tacks held snug yet still left enough of the tip out to provide the right amount of poke.  There are 35 tacks in each cup.  While absolutely uncomfortable, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.  It definitely serves as a constant reminder of my service.  Certain movements will give me a scrape or poke.  I had to explain my occasional teeth gritting or mild groan to my son.  I had to tell him my back was hurting a little and if I twisted just right it would give me a sharp pain.
    So, here is my daily routine for the near future:
    – Each morning we start with the Calisthenics of Doom. 10 jumping jacks and 10 swats in push up position.  And if you read the post out these “exercises” you’ll know that the 10 jumping jacks could come with 50+ swats depending on how well I do.  Definitely gets your blood pumping first thing in the morning.  Better than any caffeine!
    – I put on my tack bra and do not take it off until he is ready to leave or start work (sometimes he works from home).  At that time he will affix clamps to my nipples to the pressure of his liking and I am to leave them until the top of the current hour.  At that time I remove the clamps and now have to insert and keep an anal plug in for one hour.  I then remove it and wait an hour before starting over with the bra.  The process repeats until Mike gets home from work.  If he isn’t working from home he can face time me any time during the day to check on my adherence.   The times work out something like this:  6:30am calisthenics of doom, bra on immediately following the calisthenics, so from about 6:50-7:30, maybe 7:45am.  Clamps on until 8:00am, plug in from 8am-9am.  9-10am break.  10-11am bra, 11-12pm clamps, 12-1pm plug, 1-2pm break.  2-3pm bra, 3-4pm clamps, 4-5pm plug.  5pm bra ,and then Mike is typically home or done with work about 5:30.  He said typically I will keep the tack bra on until after dinner and then can remove it until our son is asleep.
    I must adhere to this even when I go out during the day, so I have to take my “supplies” with me.   A lot more trips to bathrooms than usual so I can swap items out!
  2.  Bare Down There!:   We got a sitter for Friday and are going over to John and Donna’s. Mike picked up a Brazilian Waxing kit.  It is supposedly a very good one and he bought a wax warmer so we don’t accidentally burn anything precious!   He and John are going to watch Donna give me a wax.  I’ve never been fully bare.  The thought of not having a trained professional doing the waxing concerns me a bit.  Donna and I watched some videos this morning so hopefully we know what we are doing.

Also borrowing from our M/s experiment, Mike is enforcing a strict bedtime for me as I haven’t been sleeping as much as I should.   This is something I actually love.  Good rest is definitely a reward!  I should be going to sleep earlier but it is something I would never do unless Mike tells me.   Last night I went to bed about 8:30 with instructions to journal, masturbate to climax, then go to bed.  I am to sleep naked and when Mike gets to bed he might wake me for sex, it is up to him.  Last night I was asleep by 9:15.  It was wonderful, and yes, he did wake me for sex.

Overall, the argument was a good thing.  It made me appreciate what I have with Mike and have an even greater appreciation for sticking with our DD.   Best yet, it made me full recognize and acknowledge to myself that service and submission is what completes me.

NEXT:  47. Birth of a Dom

45. Argument – Part 2

If you missed it, read Argument – Part I first.

I didn’t intend to leave you with a cliff hanger, but I ran out of time, plus the last post was kinda long anyway.  Hopefully the suspense was fun.

What was on the bed?

On the bed was the Prison Strap, and our Contract.  Laying on top of the contract was a pair of scissors.

The message was clear.  Mike was giving me a choice.  Either forget our DD, or not.

I got to give Mike credit.   He has always remained so calm and cool throughout our DD journey.   He has been unwavering in using our DD in the way I designed it and for honoring the intentions I had for DD.  He has always been sure to make DD about me and my commitments to myself, and nothing else.  His gesture with these two objects was a reminder that I had choice – either my Duties or Obligations that I created and I committed to are important and valuable, or, they are not.  In fact, this was eerily similar to the exact same reminder I had justgiven him a week or so ago when he suggested we defer our Maintenance Sessions and I asked them to continue because I didn’t want us drifting off course with our DD.

So, what was my choice?  Strap or the scissors?

The scissors of course.  Hell if I am going to endure that Prison Strap.

Domestic Discipline Out.   End of Domestic Discipline, Jenny Style!

 – Goodbye! – 

Just kidding!  I went with the strap.

I cried because it was the perfect gesture at the perfect time.  I needed something to cut through the noise of life and get me refocused on what is most important to me.   It also reminded me that our DD is about me and what I want.  Mike is willing to take it or leave it.  He participates because he knows it is important to me, and by being important to me, it is important to him.  It reminded me that in some ways he is also a submissive.  He is submitting to my desire to be submissive.  I can’t believe I just yelled at him and told him I can’t believe what he is doing to me.  Everything he has done under DD is what I’ve asked for. What I said to him was horrible.

I undressed, picked up the strap, and walked to his office, despite the proximity to my son’s room.

I walked in and he didn’t say anything.  I took a submissive pose and knelt before him and raised up my arms to present the strap to him.  He did not immediately grab it.  I was still crying a little as I was emotional about the mere thought of cutting up the Contract and I felt terrible about my behavior.

Mike said, “Jen, why are you due this Reward?”

It wasn’t lost on me that he said “Reward.”  We had got into the habit of just calling these “punishments,” although in our Contract we called punishments “rewards.”  It was another indicator that we were recommitting to honoring our Contract.

We went through our Reward Ceremony as usual where I state my transgressions and apologize for not living up to the standards I set for myself.  Mike then took the strap and placed his outstretched fingers on my chin and raised my head up so I was looking him in the eyes.  He kept his lecture short,

“Jen, your Rewards always represent failing to meet your own standards.  They are never given in anger, or with malice.  They are given because you want them and because you want them, I want them for you.”

He sat in his chair and motioned me over his knee.  He gave me the 10 warm ups by hand.

“Now” he said, “bend over and prop your elbows on my desk.”

I felt the fire on the first swat and gave out a little yell.  More in surprise than in pain.  This strap is very long and wraps around the ass so that it not only fully covers both cheeks, it catches a bit of the side.

The second came with more force than the first.  I let out a groan, clenched me teeth, and gave out a long “ERRRRR.”  Mike paused a bit and let me regain my composure and position.

Third one. Whack!   Had this been any other punishment I would have used my safe word and asked him pause, but I was of a mindset that I needed to take this full Reward.   I started crying.  I don’t cry a lot from Rewards, and when I do, it is more about the emotional release – letting go the frustrations, the stress, the negative behavior – than it is about pain. While this spanking hurt, the reasons for this cry were no different.

Fourth one.  Whack.  I don’t know if it was on purpose or Mike just missed a bit, but the end of the strap hit just one cheek, giving it an extra powerful sting.   I cried louder and frankly, this time it was more about the pain.  I called “Pause,” our safe word meaning to give me break.  It doesn’t mean stop.   Mike then said there would just be one more and to just let him know when I was ready.  I caught my breath and eventually told him I was ready.

The fifth one came and my ass was on fire and I had to quickly start rubbing it.

We followed our normal after care process and ended with our routine where Mike says, “All is forgiven” and I say back, “All is forgiven.”

And that was that.  We are back on track with our Domestic Discipline!

Next:  46. Reflections: Service, Submission, Brass Tacks, and Colonel Jessup?