263. Returning to Dominant Headspace: He wants me to do what?

As per my prior post Mike told me that he would like to be more Dominant.  Ah!  A time to rejoice!  I have thrived in being submissive and have typically had to “pull the Dominant out of him.”  So, Yes!  He is finally expressing he wants more!  Yes, yes, yes! 

NO!
As I stated before.  I feel we have achieved the right balance of D/s that works for me.  From my perspective, there is equity in our D/s.   But, equity is about the relationship as a whole, not just any one person. Mike feels he needs more of something (my submission), and I don’t – there is a lack of equity. 

THE DOM CARD
Mike just says it, therefore it must be.  I am his submissive, yes?  True, if Mike asks me to do “x,” I almost certainly will comply.  BUT — our Agreement doesn’t actually say that he can just decree things and make them so.   It kind of goes like this . . .

IF IT PLEASES THE COURT 
JEN:  Your honor, in our Agreement, Mike commits to always treating me in the manner that I want to be treated.  While I commit to surrendering myself to him, no where does our agreement define that surrender to mean doing everything he demands.  Further, while I have to be, and want to be, Obedient, we do not define Obedience as doing anything he asks, except specifically in the Sexual Obedience clause.  In-so-much Mike is not asking for more Sexual Obedience, I therefore am not obligated to simply agree with greater levels of submission.   

MIKE:  Your honor,  our Agreement states that “Jennifer shall fully accept any and all Discipline,”  Any new rules, act of service, or restriction I place on Jennifer is all part of her code of conduct, call it, a “code of behavior.”  Codes of behavior are collectively referred to as Discipline.  She must accept any and all codes of behavior, aka Discipline, that I prescribe.  Further, the Agreement calls for her to do so “promptly and without hesitation.”  Frankly, your honor, I don’t know why we are even here.  I rest my case.     

JEN:  I object, your honor.  That statement is incomplete.  The full statement is “Jennifer shall fully accept any and all Discipline as a consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience.   In our agreement, Discipline is not a code of behavior.  Discipline is clearly defined as a “consequence.”  And further, not following a rule, not performing an act of service, or not adhering to a restriction that is explicitly spelled out in the Agreement are all precursors to a consequence.  In other words, a precursor to Discipline.  The rule, the act of service, or the restriction does NOT, by itself, constitute “discipline” in our Agreement.  It is clear our Agreement defines Discipline as a consequence, nothing more.

And yes, Promptness is a part of our Obedience clause.  In it, I agree that I must do what Mike tells me without hesitation.  However, your honor, this wording clearly is in reference to a specific instruction that requires immediate action.  As such, this clause can not apply to any requirement or new set of expectations for which I am unable to immediately act on.   If Mike tells me to do “x,” I must promptly do it.  If Mike tells me from now on I must do “x” every day, the fact that I can not promptly fulfill that requirement means promptness is not possible.  If it is not possible, then the Promptness clause can not be applied.   

Therefore, any new rules, acts of service, or restrictions he wishes to place on me do not constitute Discipline under our agreement, and are not subject to the Promptness clause. Nowhere am I required to do things that are not part of my Duties and Obligations.  The only way to add new rules, acts of service, or restrictions is to modify said Duties and Obligations, which can be done either at Renegotiation, or as agreed upon by BOTH parties.  Our Agreement is clear.  Mike can not unilaterally add a new rule, act of service, or restriction without my consent.        

THE JUDGES:   Unlike last time, this time we had to call upon ASSO, which we all know as the Domestic Discipline Assembly on Obedience, committee chair Anita Hardick presiding. (Yes, women are represented in the DDA).

The committee voted 5-2 in my favor.  However, it was in their opinion that my snarkiness and attempts to be cute in my calling upon ASSO to arbitrate displayed an overall tone that was contrary to Section 1.1 of my Obedience clause.  Since that clause leaves it up to Mike to interpret my actions as being “rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him,” ASSO did not mandate discipline, but they suggested that Mike strongly consider that clause and act accordingly.

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED?
That is what really happened.  Really!  What, you’ve never called on ASSO from the DDA?  Not buying it?  Okay, well, then maybe it went more like this. . .  

MY OPENING REMARK
Mike asked me for my ideas on being more submissive to him.  Speaking first is always a risk, as it often comes with a lot of assumptions about intent.  I’ve learned to always assume a loving intention, especially from Mike.  So clearly, I said something like, “Sir, I have ideas as there are always deeper ways to go with our D/s, but I an concerned my ideas may miss the mark unless I understand more about what you are looking for. I am happy to share them, but my answer may be more valuable to you if  I knew more about what you are feeling and looking for.  

Yes, that would have been a good opening remark.  But. . . instead, I was under the assumption he wanted to add a bunch of new requirements.  In my remarks I was quick to point out that eight months ago we took a lot of time to focus on defining our needs and desires and codifying them in our new Contract.   And we added quite a bit of new requirements for me, which I listed (Here’s some of them, oh, and more are listed on this post).   Those things represent a lot more Dominance on his part.  And now he wants more?

HYPOCRITE? 
I wrote in my last post that a negotiation isn’t about “chips.”  It isn’t, “Look what I did here, and here, and here.  And I’ll concede this chip if you concede that one.”  No, that type of negotiation is about Equality or Sameness — a successful relationship isn’t about those things.  It is about Equity and Fairness.

Well, poop!  I am human.  There is a tendancy to look for any perceived inequalities and then try to use them as a defense for our position (…”but Hillary’s emails!” I digress).   In addition, I was feeling vulnerable.  I took his request as a threat to what we had worked so hard to achieve.  I was comfortable with the status-quo, so suggesting we change it further triggered my defensive response.

BUT – I GIVE MYSELF CREDIT (more precisely, credit to what 3+ years of DD has taught me).  As soon as the words left my mouth I caught myself.  I jokingly told Mike, “Strike that, I want it redacted from the record and I want the jury to be instructed not to consider what I just said.”  Hee-hee.  Humor always helps when you stick your foot in your mouth.  

I said to Mike that none of those things I just stated had any bearing on what he was asking me.  I apologized for bringing them up.  He has always been willing to hear me when I expressed a need for more submission and I want to hear him at this moment.  It isn’t about what we already do for each other, it is about what he is telling me he needs right now.  “And it is difficult for me to recommend more rules or acts of submission when I am unclear on what you are needing.  Can we talk about that first?”   

So we did.

HE WANTS ME TO DO WHAT?
This will probably be disappointing to you.  After all this build up and delay in sharing – what is it that he wanted?    Well, my imagination was running wild when he asked me to suggest some additional submissive acts I could perform.   But when we finally got to talk about it, it was a bit anti-climatic.

His answer to my question regarding what he felt he was needing? … “Um, er., well, I am not really sure.”   Yep.  I thought he would have a list of things he wanted.  He did not.

It is a bit unfair that Mike couldn’t fully articulate what he wanted.  Remember, achieving equity requires knowing what you want.   But sometimes we just need to get it out there to our partners, even if we aren’t quite sure what that “it” is.   At least it got some dialogue rolling.   It took a little time, but we did get to the bottom of it.

RETURNING TO DOMINANT HEADSPACE
Simply put, much like Post 204. Returning to Submissive Head Space, Mike was needing his own “Returning to Dominant Headspace.”    Here is what concluded: 

• Mike’s statement that he “wanted more Dominance” was the best way he was able to articulate what he was feeling at the time.  After an honest and open discussion he realized that wanting more Dominance didn’t actually mean more Duties and Obligations (at least not for now).  It was more about being consistent in enforcing what we already agreed upon. 
• Both of us pointed to situations where he was giving more warnings and less spankings.  I hadn’t really noticed, but the more we talked, the more both of us came up with examples.  We also realized there were things I was failing to do that he wasn’t always aware of – I just forgot to tell him because we haven’t been enforcing it, thus I thought it wasn’t important anymore.
  
• We decided to pull out the Agreement and go through it, and identify areas where we lost focus.  When we were done, we had a good list of “new” Duties and Obligations that he felt would satisfy what he was looking for.  In addition, they satisfied my submissive needs as well.  Very equitable!  And these things weren’t really new. 

This led us to reflect on what caused us to drift and why did he notice the drift before I did?  This reflection wasn’t to assess blame, but to explore our feelings as it is curious why he sensed a need to increase his Dominance (back to where it once was) and I didn’t sense it had decreased?   Could it be that I actually would like a little less submission?  The short answer is no – but as I rarely give short answers, I will explore that on another post. 

By the end of the Maintenance Session, we agreed we will be paying closer attention to:

• Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement  
  As referenced by the ASSO ruling, we both agreed my tendency for sarcasm and humor, which he loves and appreciates, was, at times, getting too close or actually crossing the line of respect. 
• Sexual Obedience
  Mike shared that there is more he wants from me regarding the sex I have with Matt.  I am to be let Matt know that I am willing to do anything Matt asks, with Mike’s permission.  Further,I am to be “on call” for sex with Matt anytime Matt wants it.  Matt just needs to ask Mike and if Mike agrees, they will arrange him to come over or for me to go to his place. 
• Household Duties
  Mike will be more strict in my compliance – rare warnings, more discipline – as we both cited several examples where he had been more lax over the last several months. 
• Availability and Awareness / Permission
  I am supposed to let Mike know anytime I leave the house for something that I did not already put on the schedule and get his permission/approval for my schedule.  This is an area I have been lax in reporting to him and he lax in disciplining me.  
• Leaving Home Reminders
  This is something we did for awhile but stopped doing for no particular reason – just fell out of the habit.  I get a spanking anytime I leave the house, with or without Mike.  And if practical and he is not home, Kayla will spank me, and if she is unable, I will self-spank.  
• Weigh-in
  This was a simple one but a good example of how we let things slip.  My Maintenance Sessions always included a weigh-in and somewhere down the line we stopped this.  
• Gracefullness
  I agreed to Walk Gracefully, Sit Down Smoothly, and assume a Pretty Sitting Posture, so much so that I took etiquette classes and even had a private tutor to help me with this.  While I admit I am more graceful in how I carry myself (yes, people have noticed), neither Mike or I have been paying attention lately.
• Attire
  Mike has always been able to demand that I do not wear a bra or panties when I go out.  Something he rarely asks of me.  He has now decided to make this the default – no bra or panties – unless I have received permission to the contrary.  This is consistent with how he has dealt with Kayla’s dress code.  He did concede that he recognizes the challenges of my being bra-less — significantly larger and saggy boobs vs Kayla — but none-the-less, he wants me to ask for permission before donning a bra.  I anticipate plenty of requests on the bra.  The panties? Well, as long as it isn’t a windy day, hee hee. (remember, I wear skirts and dresses, no pants).
• Nudity be damned
  Mike said he consciously backed off on either administering a spanking or administering it less strictly so as not to leave marks, opting for more non-physical forms of punishment (corner time, lines, plug, etc)  He also avoided breast punishments for the same reason.  No more!  Both Kayla and I will have to just cover up if there are marks.   J and others understand sometimes you might just feel like wearing something, so such an excuse won’t be questioned.
  
• Review his Dominance as part of Maintenance
  Maintenance has been focused on my submission — but my submission is only part of it.  What of his Dominance?  Each session will now include a question from me, “Sir, do you desire any additional ways that I can be more submissive to you?”   He will then ask me if I have any examples of things that happened throughout the week where he could have been more dominant (note:  this is a very different question than if he were to ask me if I could have been more submissive).   After I respond, he will comment on my response and add to it based on his perspective.
  This dialogue should further keep us calibrated, both with each other, and our respective headspace.

In recognition of all that we uncovered, Mike felt it was appropriate to take the DDA’s recommendation.  My sentence?  My Maintenance spanking after our talk was quite significant – let’s just say, I wore clothes the next two days!!

NEXT: Post 264. Won’t you be my (nude) neighbor?

 

188. The Cock Block (or is it Clam Jam?)

I know this Michaud-wrinkle is a bit off topic regarding my DD.  But it isn’t off topic regarding my life.  It is very interesting to me and Kayla means so much to me.  I am happy she is allowing me to share all this.  It’s full of suspense, drama, and sexual intrigue!   And I am so excited for Kayla and impressed (beyond words…which means, here comes a bunch of words) with how she has handled it thus far.  Her handling of this really shows us that she has been listening to the things we have been trying to instill in her since she moved in.  Things like openness, strength, confidence, and honesty.  She’s nailing it! 

By the way – It is going to be about two weeks before all of us can get in to see the doctor and get our results.

IT STARTED WITH A QUESTION
“Sir, please know I heard what you said and understood and accept it.  You told me that there is to be no sex with Michaud and you would only allow kissing.  I am not questioning your decision and would like to know if anything has transpired such that you are willing to reconsider?”

There are times openness must be rewarded.  Times when trust and confidence between Dom and sub can be strengthened.  When a Dom leads best by knowing it is time to listen and understand, and not a time to punish.  

Kayla was trying to be very diplomatic.  It’s tough for a sub to walk the “disobedient” line.  Mike could have taken the “hard ass” response and disciplined her for asking him a second time.  Instead, he thanked her for respectfully posing this question.  Further, he praised her for her guts to ask him this as he knew it was difficult for her to do so. “Obviously this is important to you, so sure, let’s talk through it.”

THE REAL QUESTION
Mike then asked Kayla, “So, you want to have sex with him?”

Kayla said, “Honestly, yes Sir, but, that’s not my question.  I am not asking you to reconsider.  We will wait for the test results.  It is the other stuff…I mean, could we do more than just kiss?” 

Mike was true to form in getting down to what exactly was being asked.   He replied, “So you mean you want to say, give him a hand job or have him finger you, or fondle and suck your breasts?”

“Yes, sure, Sir,” she replied, “At least have the option.” 

Mike questioned, “Don’t you think the passion would lead to penetration or oral sex?”

Kayla quickly and confidently responded, “No, Sir.  I would not allow it.  And any shortcoming in my willpower is more than made up for in my obedience to you.  I am confident I can resist simply because you have prohibited it, Sir.”

“I believe you,” said Mike, “but, are you equally confident in Michaud’s willpower?” 

“I am confident he will listen to me,” she said in a hopeful tone.  That hopeful tone grew more commanding as she added, “And the fact he is willing to have the tests tells us he doesn’t have anything to hide and,” she added with declaration, “he said he would use a condom.”  Kayla’s voice had this “Yeah, what about THAT” sass to it. 

OOPS.  KAYLA EARNS A SPANKING
Mike responded with his “you’ve-crossed-the-line” voice.  “Kayla, you just said you agreed with me and were not asking me to reconsider the ‘no-sex’ edict.  Now your statement and your tone says otherwise.  We are supposed to be having a conversation not a debate where you try and find a ‘Gotcha’ moment.   We will finish this conversation and I will address your sassy tone when we are done.  Understood?”

“Yes, Sir, I am sorry,”  replied Kayla.

MIKES EDICT
Mike immediately flipped back to his calm and reassuring tone, “Kayla, you know both of us trust your judgment.  I trust that you can limit yourself to safer sexual activity, but even you said you don’t have complete confidence in Michaud.  And him agreeing to take the test is not the same as actually having the test.  He hasn’t had it yet, has he?  And, maybe he isn’t aware of something he has.  And why would he even bring up using a condom if he wasn’t trying to undermine what you already told him about waiting?  I am curious, what prompted you to even ask me this question today?”

“Well Sir, he invited me to his apartment after we made out by my car today.  It was pretty clear to me I wouldn’t be going over to watch Netflix.  I told him I could not come over as we had to wait for the lab results.  If it wasn’t clear already that we were talking about sex, his response made it very clear.  Michaud said ‘Come on, I’ll use a condom, and we don’t even have to have sex-sex.  Can’t we at least just mess around?’  So yes Sir, this is why I am asking.”

I asked Kayla, “So what was your response to Michaud when he said that?”

“I told him I promised you and Mike that there would be no sex until we had the results and there was nothing that would make me break that promise.”

“And then what did he say,” I asked.

“He said okay, he understood.  And then he added that the anticipation would just make it all the better.”

Mike stated, “So even after you told him you can’t come over he tried to justify his request by saying he would use a condom.  In other words, he still tried to influence you to say yes?” 

“Yes, Sir,” she said with disappointment, “I guess he did.”

Mike, always the one to avoid ambiguity, said, “No guessing about it. Whether it was his intent or not, it was an attempt to manipulate.  As if he expected you to say, ‘Oh, well, a condom, then sure, let’s go!’  Tell you what Kayla.  You are 23, and fully capable of making this decision on your own.  I know what advice I would give you if we were just friends.  I also know what command I would give as your Dom.  Do you want my advice, or do you want my command?” 

She hesitated.  As she later explained it, not because she was unsure of the answer, but it took her a moment to process the question.  As soon as it clicked what she was being asked, she answered, “Dom.  Always my Dom, Sir.  Please, I will abide by your command.” 

Mike thanked her for her trust and confidence and added, “I don’t believe it serves any useful purpose to play with fire.  You can continue the public affection of kissing or even holding hands, but the answer is still no on any sexual activity.  You also are not to go to his apartment until I tell you.”

KAYLA EARNS A CONCESSION
It was clear she was disappointed, but she understood and accepted his order.  But she very squeamishly added, “Sir, I thank you for allowing this conversation and I again commit to following your orders as always.  To make sure there is no miscommunication, I do have one more question as a point of clarity, and not questioning your command. Does sexting, phone sex, or cam-sex count?”

Mike thought for moment, then for another, and then another. 

Then he said, “Sorry for the pause.  I’ll just think it out loud so you know my thought process on this one.  My inclination is to say yes, that counts so don’t do it.  But, to be honest, I think I am feeling that way only because I can, because, well, you do as I say.  But, such things don’t put us at risk, and doesn’t put you at risk of any STD.  And if I trust your judgement that your relationship with him is ready for that, then what’s my reasoning?  I do trust your judgement.  If you feel you want to do those things, I won’t prohibit them.”

A very happy Kayla responded with a hug and “Thank you, Sir.”

MIKES CONDITIONS
“However,” Mike added, “our house rules prohibit secrecy in the house.  Just like I can access and read your emails, texts and social media accounts today, your relationship with Michaud is no different.  You must show me your texts when I ask for them and any phone calls, whether sex talk or not, and any cam-sex, shall not be done in secret.  While you don’t have to go out of your way to tell us what you are doing, you won’t go out of your way to hide those activities.  Unless J is awake, your bedroom door and bathroom doors remain open.  Neither Jenny or I will make it a point to listen in or watch, but what you do in this house is never hidden and is subject to my inspection or observation at any time.”

“And,” Mike added, “you need to tell Michaud that I am requiring the “no sex until tests are in” rule and I am allowing the sexting/phone sex/cam-sex.  If your relationship with him is ever going to work he will need to understand your commitment to me.  No need to delay that understanding.  Make it clear to him that you won’t have sex with him right now as a commitment you’ve made to me.  Further, if there are any actions that you do that are because of my demands, you need to share that with him.  Don’t sugar coat it by making it seem to be your choice or your preference.  If it is something I demand, then you explain it to him that way.  If he can’t handle that, then it will be good for you two to deal with that right now instead of later.  If he can handle it, well, then that’s a great sign that your relationship has a clear runway for take off.

“Thank you, Sir,” Kayla smiled, “I can do that.  I will do that.” 

“Now,” as Mike’s tone became stern, “About that sass from earlier…”

KAYLA TALKS WITH MICHAUD
Kayla talks with Michaud every day and texts incessantly.  Even when they don’t have class together they get together for lunch or dinner and a movie. 

Kayla said she is encouraged by their conversations regarding Michaud’s ability to handle her being in a relationship with us plus her submissiveness to Mike — the latter being the bigger challenge.   Michaud is still a bit perplexed by it, but seems to be trying to understand it.   He seems very enamored and intrigued with Kayla and her lifestyle choices, but that could quickly wear off if there relationship gets more serious.  

Kayla told him that it was Mike’s demand of her regarding ‘no sex until labs are in but sexting and cam are okay.’  Kayla said this prompted more conversation with Michaud on exactly what role Mike fulfills for her.  And there was the natural and expected comment from Michaud of, “Well, would you do those things for me?”  

Kayla was clear she would not.  She told him she would not consider having multiple Doms.  She told Michaud she wants him for him; a friend, a confidant, and yes, a lover too.  All the things “normal” to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.   The twist is such things would not be exclusive.  She told him, “Mike and Jen are those things for me too, and that won’t change.”   And she told Michaud that if it helps, think of Mike somewhat as “a heavily influential and strict parent whom I love, adore, respect, and never want to disappoint.”   (btw, Mike was okay with this description).

Further, Kayla told Michaud that it is a deal breaker if he does anything to attempt to undermine Mike’s authority over her.   She told him such undermining, such as encouraging misbehavior, would end their relationship.  She told him she doesn’t expect or need him to be a cheerleader for it, but he must be tolerant of it and never attempt to undermine. 

I copied this from one of her texts to him.   

KAYLA:  It’s not a contest.  I need Mike as my Dom and I want you as my boyfriend.  Hopefully those things are compatible.  if not, we can’t continue.  😦  If this seems too complicated, I understand.  No hard feelings.  I don’t want to scare you away, but I don’t want to lure you in under false pretenses.  You are going to have to put up with some weird relationship shit that is unlike any you put up with before.  I am telling you now that whatever those shit situations are, they will never be a reflection of any shortcoming you have as person or a boyfriend.  They are a reflection of my need to be submissive to Mike.

MICHAUD:  You are already giving me the “It’s not you, it’s me” speech?   j/k.  I get it. You just being real.  I like that.

KAYLA:  LOL.  yeh somethin like that.  In other words, I am the weird one, not you.  So if you like weird, here I am, but then don’t complain about the weirdness

MICHAUD:  Not weird, just different.  Different good.  Can I complain just a little?  

KAYLA:   I am not telling you that you can’t have feelings.  jealousy, betrayal and crap like that.  understandable.  I want you to share those feelings the moment you feel them.  lets address them.  But sharing isn’t complaining if done right.  Just ask questions from a loving place, not judgmental or frustrated place.

MICHAUD:  That shouldn’t be too hard, cuz I love you.

KAYLA:  Good, you’ll need lots of love to deal with this.  And I love you for giving me a chance and being such a great guy.

MICHAUD:  You make it easy to love you.  At least so far— ha. But I get it.  I’ll let you know if it gets hard. 

KAYLA:  I appreciate that you think you get it for now.  But you probably won’t until you live it.  Love you for that. 

MICHAUD:  Love ya too

KAYLA:  Cam? 

Next: 189. Happiness, Pleasure, Love, Intimacy, Sex: Jenny rambles

 

 

 

 

 

144. To ‘Sir’ or not to ‘Sir,’ that is the question. . .

There’s a class participation request at the end of this post. Any ideas? 

Mike or Sir?
Mike asked me why, in my posts, do I always refer to him as “Mike” with the exception of using “Sir” when I am sharing specific dialogue?

Being in an increasingly submissive mindset, instead of answering him, I proudly said, “Sir, I will always refer to you as Sir from now on in my blog if that is what you want?”

He told me to bend over and he took off his belt and administered an Immediate Reward. I knew what it was for as this wasn’t the first time this occurred.  I failed to provide him an answer to his question.  Instead, I assumed he was displeased and I assumed he was asking me to change.  In other words, I felt he was being dishonest in his question and it wasn’t really a question at all, but a request.   Thus, I was being disobedient for not answering him and assuming he had other unstated intentions.

When the Reward was concluded, he again asked me the question.  

“Sir, I purposefully do that in my blog.  I prefer to refer to you as ‘Sir’ when I am sharing what I said in a conversation.  Otherwise, I like to refer to you as “Mike.”  I look at it from the reader’s perspective.  You are not their “Sir,” you are mine.  And I want them to connect to you as person, as the regular guy you are.  If I only referred to you as Sir or Dom or any other title, the risk is that readers will attached their preconceived notion of what those terms infer about you, and some of those inferences may be wrong, or even negative.   As much as possible I want readers to understand you are a great husband, parent, and person.  You’re just “Mike” to them.  You are “Sir” to me!”

 Mike responded, “Fair enough, thank you!”

Such is the challenge a sub can have.  In my zest to want to please Mike and anticipate his needs, I may answer his questions in a manner I think will please him.  I forget that first and foremost, what pleases him the most is answering his questions as simply and directly as possible.  

He has told me before that each time we speak he isn’t always asking me to do something.  Sometimes he just has a question and wants a straight answer.   He’s told both Kayla and I that he doesn’t go for the, “Whatever you think, Sir” response.  That may be in violation of  Code 1516 of the Dom Handbook, but hey, it’s our TTWD, not anyone else’s.  

Mike said it would drive him crazy if each time he asked us our opinion the answer was, “Whatever you think, Sir.”  He feels that is a rude and disrespectful answer with the undertone of, “Duh, Sir, don’t you know I will shape my opinions to yours. Why do you keep asking me these things?”  I’ve received a few spankings in the past due to this as has Kayla (in fact, she got a lot of them for this early on as she was a bit over eager to please). Mike has made it clear that when he asks us a question or our opinion, he is expecting an answer and he doesn’t care if it fails to conform to his wishes or way of thinking.  If he has issues with our true feelings, we can then talk about it.  He believes that we can have “respectful disputation,” as Mike calls it, even with a D/s relationship.  I believe that too, and I am not just saying that, hee hee.

Of course, if the opinions being shared are about a particular action that needs to be taken, Mike is the ultimate decider.  After the respectful disputation he will make a decision and that is that, Kayla and I accept it.   

Three Cheers for BDSM Practioners! 
Check out this article, The Surprising Psychology of BDSM.  Us kinksters may be more “normal” and well adjusted than you think!   I’ll let you reach your own conclusions of how you interpret that study, but here is one of the positives they observed about BDSM practitioners:
“BDSM practitioners exhibited higher levels of extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and subjective well-being.  Practitioners also showed lower levels of neuroticism and rejection sensitivity.”

Class Participation
To ‘Sir’, or not to ‘Sir’- that is the question 
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
Spanks and nipple clamps of outrageous punishments 
Or to… humm… couldn’t think of a good line here.  
Or to…???    Any ideas?   

NEXT: 145. Another spanking / Immersion Preview