Tag Archives: nudist

296. Piercings and Pubes

296

If you haven’t figured out by now, I lack an ability to be succinct.   I am not one to say in a few words what I can exhaustively analyze, deconstruct, and put back together in hundreds of words.  See, even then I couldn’t just leave it as an inability to be succinct.

I thought this would be a quick post.  Simply to state that I let my nipple piercings close and have been growing my pubic hair.    

Done.  End of post!

Not.

JEN IS EMBARRASSED?
I am not one to normally feel self-conscious about things, whether it is what people think about TTWD, or about my appearance, or really about anything.   However – I found myself becoming more self-conscious about my nipple piercings and pubic hair.  

It’s ironic that our nudism was part of the trigger for this uneasiness.  After all, I’ve found that nudism makes you less self-conscious and more accepting of your body.   Yeah, I get it.  I can try to rationalize away my uneasiness, but sometimes, you just can’t.  You feel what you feel and you just have to deal!  Emotions don’t care about logic.   

Pre-nudism, my piercings and pubic hair were private and limited to the purview of those involved in TTWD.  But now that we are full-fledged nudists, well, it ain’t so private anymore!  And had a growing self-perception was that I was putting out a message that didn’t represent me or my thoughts.  Something had to change.  Those thoughts weren’t changing, so, the piercings had to go, and the hair had to return. 

HAIR DOWN THAIR
For the longest time, Mike had me and Kayla with the same “look” down there, whether it be hair or no hair.  But then Mike went through a phase where he had one of us sporting one look while the other sports another.  “Visual variety” as he calls it!   Um, okay, as if our different physiques weren’t visual enough.  Mine is not to question why.  Mine is but to do or get spanked!   lol

My self-consciousness over this started when I was bare and Kayla was bushy.  It started to feel to me like I was putting out the perception that I was trying too hard to do what the young folks do.  

And it wasn’t just my mind comparing myself to Kayla.  When we are at T & E’s farm, I am often the only one bare down there.   At times the 17-year old has been bare, but it messes with my mind either way.  When she is bare, I feel like I am trying to “style” myself after the teenager.  When she doesn’t, it compounds my self-consciousness that I am the odd one.  

NIFTY 50
Part of what was going through my mind is that I am going to be 50 later this year.  I also think 
my tattoo added another wrinkle to a weakened psyche.  Not to say a 50-year old can’t rock a new tat along with her nipple piercings and bare pussy. . . but THIS 50-year old?  Why do I want piercings drawing more attention to my vein-marbled-droopy-boobies along with looking like I am trying really hard to “compete” with Kayla?

Adding to what was influencing my emotions — I am only around naked women who are younger than me, and sometimes much younger.  Kayla is the 24-year old with the awesome figure, yet no nipple piercings.  (She did pierce her nipples and clit shortly after moving in with us, but let them close-up only after a few months).  

Again, I get it.  I know there is nothing wrong with anyone of any age piercing whatever they want to pierce, or having their pubic hair in whatever shape or length that they want, or getting a new tattoo at any age.    It was just for me, all this added up to something my psyche wasn’t comfortable with it. 

THE GUYS?
For whatever reason, the pube situation in the men and boys has no influence over my uneasiness.  If you are keeping score, you can mark down Mike as one who goes back and forth with his look.  Frankly, he would probably leave it grown out but Kayla enjoys shaving him and he never refuses when she asks.  And as for other menfolk, it’s a mixed bag of various looks from bare to full to all things in-between.  

MIKE’S SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS
In discussing this with Mike, he shared that he also was starting to feel a bit self-conscious about the pube thing, but with Kayla.  H
e said the first time we were around others and Kayla was bare and I wasn’t, he started to think others might be inclined to think he wants Kayla to look like a little girl.  Like, it isn’t enough that she is so much younger than him, and is very youthful in her physique, but she makes herself look more like a little girl.  Wow, that never crossed my mind, but once he said it, I too had a hard time getting it out of my mind.

REFLECTION
We both know that the chances are good these thoughts are only in our mind and not what others are thinking.  And even if they aren’t 
thinking such things, so what?  Right?  Well, again, you can’t rationalize away some thoughts.   

It would be different for us if the “others” we are talking about were strangers at a nudist beach or kink-friends involved in TTWD.   But we are a family of nudists in a growing family of nudists.  I think that’s why, in this particular situation, I am more sensitive to thinking about what others might be thinking. 

I don’t mind people thinking odd or ill thoughts of me regarding our relationship with Kayla or any aspect of TTWD that they may be privy too.   If they don’t like it, well, too bad.   But, it bothers me to think that others may believe that I feel I am in competition with Kayla, and it bothers Mike to think others may believe he is into little girls.   To be clear, no one has ever indicated or implied any such things.   These are just things in our minds, but they are powerful enough that we have addressed them. 

And don’t think I am some fragile self-conscious timid and insecure person.   I am not.  But when it comes to my nipple piercings and my bare pubic area —  well, guilty!  

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW?
So piercings are gone and hair is growing back. 

I remain committed to sporting whatever type of pubic hair, or lack thereof, that Mike wishes, and will pierce whatever part of my body he wants me to pierce.  But for now, he has allowed me to remove the piercings.  And he had Kayla shave so that both she and I were bare together, and then we both have been growing it in for about a month now.

I sense at some point I will look back at this and not relate to feeling self-conscious and find my feelings silly.  But frankly, it is not up to me anyway.  I will share with Mike whatever it is I am felling at whatever time he may ask about it, and will abide by his demands.   I just hope he doesn’t ask for a bejeweled butterfly a la the image I used on this post!  Then again, maybe I can usher in a new trend for the newly 50-somethings!

Next: Post 297. Love without Limits.  My Ode to Blogging. 

291. The Holidays – New Year’s Eve

291

This is the third and final post catching you up on my holidays.  And it is just in time as it is actually New Year’s Eve!

I’ve shared with you a bit about my Thanksgiving and Christmas following the death of my father.  Now, it’s on to New Year’s!!

NEW YEAR’S EVE
T2 and G had to get back to California, and we decided to spend New Year’s Eve at T2’s and E’s place, much to J’s delight.

J really loves their emerging farm.  There is still a lot of work to do at their new place, but it is slowly coming together.  They got a pet pig!  As in, yes, a pet.  It’s amazing.  They are as smart, maybe smarter, than most dogs.  It roams the house just like a dog would.  J loves it.   And of course, J gets to see his girlfriend, L.

OH YEAH, J’s GIRLFRIEND
They still sort of dating, to whatever extent that word has meaning for young ‘uns these days.  I mean, apparently L had a sort of boyfriend at school, but just someone she would go to movies with and hold hands.  They apparently did kiss as well, so yeah, I’d call that dating, but, they don’t.  It’s odd to hear 11-13-year-olds talking about “not being exclusive” but that’s how they talk about it.  Like, “Yeah, I like him okay, and we have fun together, but it’s not like there is any obligation to be boyfriend and girlfriend.”   All of that contrasted with the fact that L does call J her boyfriend.  Wow, a little poly girl in the making.  Just kidding! 

Really, it is fascinating.   Of course, they shun any labels.  To them, it isn’t being poly or being anything.  It is simply “being.”  They don’t see it as a big deal, or any sized deal.  It simply isn’t a deal.  It just is.  Maybe we can learn something from that?

And J is fine with that.  He isn’t the least bit jealous and was quite logical about it.  “She lives far away and has a social life at school.  Of course, she will meet boys she likes to hang out with.  That doesn’t mean she doesn’t like hanging out with me when we get the chance.  At the point she doesn’t want to hang with me, she won’t hang with me, no different than me with her.”   I was startled to hear him say that.  Or in their vernacular, “I am shook.”   Not in a negative way, just in a surprising way, a pleasantly surprised way. 

BACK TO NEW YEAR’S EVE FESTIVITIES
New Year’s Eve will be at J’s and E’s, along with E’s cousin, her husband, their three kids (aka, The Nudies), and J.  Apparently the three cousin’s kids have invited some friends over as well.  Not sure how many.  And yeah, given the extended guest list we had to ask about attire.  We were told it is the same as always.  At both J’s and E’s as well as at her cousin’s, it is always “clothing optional.”  So we trust that whatever other friends they will have there are duly advised.

It’s been rainy here, so no fireworks ban where J & E live.  They apparently stocked up along with E’s cousin to put on quite the private fireworks show.   Plus all the smaller stuff that goes with it.  Hum, maybe sparklers and nudity aren’t such a good idea?   Plus, it’s supposed to be cold outside.   

Flying sparks and near freezing temps aren’t a place for our kibbles and bits.  I guess we will find out who the die-hard nudists are in the family!

Happy 2019!

Next: 292.  Kayla’s Triad Thursday Declaration

284. The family commune – Give nudism a chance

284

I’ve got some “DD” things to share, but had this post half written so thought I’d finish it up before going on to kinkier things!    By the way, our party (283. We are three), is tonight.  All the preparations are done and it looks like the weather is going to cooperate.

I was having another one of those in-depth conversation with one of my sisters regarding my choices in life.   Yes, it had many of the same questions and issues she raised previously (Post 200. Balloons and Submission for one).     But this time, most of her concerns centered around nudity.   Her concerns were prompted by the fact that T&E’s home (my son and soon-to-be daughter-in-law) has jokingly become the “family commune.”

That is, it’s a place people in the family go to get away and relax.  I shared previously that the they bought a house on about 50 acres, and plan to have a small farm — beehives, some pigs, and chickens.  Both of them work full time jobs, so the farm is more a hobby and will be fairly small in scale.  Oh, and by the way, their wedding is in two weeks.

I also shared that E grew up in a naturist family — both her parents grew up that way and their relatives on both side are immersed in the naturist lifestyle with few exceptions.   T has adopted this, and subsequently so have we.   You can read all about this in several posts I’ve made —   227. Naturism Rant, 233. Meet the Nudies, 242. On the Nudie Farm, 250. The Nude Normal252.  Naked Caravan,   255. Vacation Naked264. Won’t you be my (nude) neighbor?

Wow, has this turned into a nudist blog?  Ha!

Anyway — as shared in 252. Naked Carvan, many of my nieces and nephews made the trek to T&E’s house in part to chip in and help out with renovations and clearing some of the land, and in part to just have fun and hang out.   Most of them are young adults ranging from early 20’s to early 30’s.  One niece, my sister’s daughter, is 17.   And yes, when in Rome, you do as the Romans do…or in this case, when at T&E’s, you do as the nudist’s do.  They all got naked. 

Since that initial visit, it’s a rare weekend that T&E don’t have some guests — one of T’s cousin’s spending a day or two.  Sometimes they even bring a friend.  And far from feeling intruded upon, T&E both love this as they like the idea of their house being a gathering place.   And despite some reservations, there are times my sister has allowed her 17-year old to visit and spend a day or even night on the farm – and she has also brought a friend with her (female friend). 

Well, unbeknownst to my sister, on one of her daughter’s day trips to the farm she went with her boyfriend.  My niece eventually told her mom (my sis) after the fact, and it didn’t sit well with her.   My sister knows her daughter is having sex, so it isn’t that fact that disturbs her.  It is just the idea of “flaunting their bodies” in front of each other and the “obviously sexually charged atmosphere” of it all.

MY NUDISM RANT
My sisters are pretty good at pushing my buttons and sending me on a rant (120. Is this submissive a feminist? MAGA rant).  And so I proceeded along the lines of what I posted in Post 227. Naturism Rant

In her mind, the get-a-ways to the farm are nothing more than a sex filled day of debauchery.   I tried to explain that nudism and sex are distinct, and in fact, nudism serves to de-sexualize nudity, not hyper-sexualize it.

I told my sister her reaction is based on preconceived notions about nudity that conjure up feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, and sex.  Heck, even the bible tells us about the moment humans first “realized” they were naked, quickly followed by the moment they were first ashamed of being naked. 

In her mind, showing off a naked body sends out sexual signals that threaten the security of relationships and mankind.   And what better way to suppress nudity than to use shame, as shame is the ideal emotion to enforce any code of conduct.  Shame sucks – and we tend to want to avoid feeling it at all costs.

Well, whether it is shame of nakedness or shame over our kinks or shame over anything else —  we are not born with shame.  Instead, we learn it.   And the shame we learn is artificial — there should be no shame in it.  It only exists because we agree it exists and we agree it exists as a way of controlling conduct.  (And you can easily substitute the word “sin” for “shame,” but I won’t go there).

At one time I was right there with sis  – I felt the shame in it as well.  Hell, I know that is exactly why we made nudity part of my duties in my DD.  It was a way to feel some degree of shame or humbleness.   Well, since adopting nudism, I do not get any “kink” or “submissive” satisfaction from being naked.  That “shame” feeling has been purged.

And nothing changed, except my perception – which is what makes “shame” such a false feeling when it comes to nudity.  There is nothing shameful about it.   Only your perception makes it so.    And to justify that feeling, we then attach all sorts of terrible things to nakedness — it must be sexual, it must be prurient, it must weaken the fibers of society, it must be a contributor to all that is bad, etc, etc.   Well that’s just crap, and I told her so. 

Not to be so naive, I did concede that sure, her daughter might have had sex when she went to T&E’s with her boyfriend, no more than they might do so anytime they have the chance.  I mean, they are teenagers!    But if they did, it wasn’t because of the nudity.  

Ultimately, I urged my sister to spend a day at T&E’s, nude herself.   And not just holed up in their house, but go about the property, visit with E’s cousin’s (who live next door – 233. Meet the Nudies,  Even go there with her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend!

I said that knowing that while she might give it a try herself, there was no way she would do so with her daughter’s boyfriend along.  But my sister surprised me.  “Okay, if V (her husband) is up for it, we’ll make a go at it, including inviting her boyfriend.”   My jaw dropped.  I thought she was kidding.  But not only wasn’t she kidding, but she actually followed through.  

To make a long story short — they spent a weekend at T&E’s – two days/one night.   

SIS GETS NAKED
My sister came back with mixed reviews, but with some changes in her attitude about nudism.  She agreed she was starting to feel more comfortable and less self-conscious towards the end, but still wasn’t fully comfortable.  However, she really focused on everyone else and could see just how “normal” everyone else treated the nudity around them.  She could see that there weren’t “sexual sparks flying around.”  She even admitted there was an element of fun for her and her husband.   

And she admitted her self-consciousness started to morph towards self-affirmation regarding her body image.  She is a little overweight, and is 57, so was admittedly uneasy.   And while she never got 100% comfortable, the comfort she saw in others made her want to try this again and get to their level of comfort.

I am so proud of her for being willing to “risk it” and give this go.   She also had wonderful things to say about T&E and had many of the same wonderful observations that I already shared about E’s cousin’s (The Nudies).

A few days after my sisters return from T&E’s, she said she looks forward to visiting them again some time soon, and, told me that perhaps they would join us if we decided to do a nude vacation again. 

Wow.  I am so surprised, but elated.   It reconfirmed my experience that nudism is addicting, and after a surprisingly very little adjustment period, feels so natural and so uplifting.   You become a walking self-affirmation and have this tremendous sense of freedom, a sense of being one with the people and nature around you.   I believe this is why Mike took to it, much to my surprise, and why my sister seems to taking to it, even more to my surprise!

I definitely recommend everyone give nudism a try. 

NEXT: 285. Curfew and Spanking the Jelly?

242. On the Nudie Farm

242

I just realized that I rarely share Mike’s take on things.  I am not sure why.  The things I ponder in my blog I mull over with him.  His feedback often influences my perceptions, mood, and acceptance or rejection of the meaning of various things.  And it might be interesting to read about the times his views are different from mine.  It’s settled then.   My posts aren’t long enough (sardonic), so expect more insights into Mike.

Still catching up on the various happenings in my life since taking a mini-break from steady blogging.  Two weekends ago we took a trip with T1 and E to visit her cousin’s farm.  It is just under a four-hour drive.  We got in late on a Friday and spent Friday and Saturday night with them before returning home.  Yes, this is the “Nudies” I wrote about in  233. Meet the Nudies.

I hope my calling them “the nudies” is interpreted in the way I intend.  I say it to honor the fun and unapologetic way they go about being nudists.  I admit I am a bit obsessed with the Nudies at the moment.  I am in awe and it makes me even more eager to meet the rest of E’s family at the nudist resort this summer. So no story of discipline here, just more about the Nudies and a cliffhanger!  

BACKSTORY – THE REASON FOR OUR VISIT
My son wanted to show Mike and I a property that they put a bid on.  It is a farm adjacent to the Nudies. 

As E puts it, “her family loves the land.”  One set of grandparents have a ranch, and most of her aunts, uncles, and cousins from that side of the family live on farms or ranches.  And, another little E-family factoid – her grandfather fell for a lot of get rich quick schemes and lo’ and behold, one of them worked.  He ended up a part owner in an oil exploration company that, sure enough, found oil.  Although he is still alive, he has provided his grandkids like E with a nice financial head start in life.  Not like “never have to work” type money, but enough to have a lot of choices when it comes to where to live, which is the point of this — 

The property adjacent to her cousin’s came up for sale and T1 and E are looking to buy it.  It’s 50 acres of mostly trees and brush.  There is a small house on it that they plan to remodel, some pens, a stable and a chicken coop.  It needs a lot of work.  The previous owners were elderly and hadn’t kept up with maintenance needs for years.  A real fixer-upper!

It makes me laugh to think of T1 tending to animals.  He was born and raised in suburbia. As they both work they don’t plan to have a lot of animals, maybe a couple of horses and some goats and or pigs, and chickens.  T1 is a pretty good DIY’er when it comes to home improvements, and apparently E is pretty good herself.  It will also be nice to have her cousin’s next door, although the “door” is about a third of a mile away. 

Now the interesting stuff
When we pulled up to the Nudies house, Mrs. Nudie and Daughter2 (their youngest daughter, now aged 11 as she just had a birthday!)  were outside, naked of course.  Their house isn’t visible from the road or any adjacent properties.  AHA!  So that’s why E’s family likes to live on large properties!

Very quickly Mr. Nudie, Son (age 17), and Daughter1 (middle child, age 15) came out to greet us.  It was not lost on me that this is unusual and yet another sign of their warmth.  They could have stayed inside, but no, they came out to greet us and give us a warm welcome.  The kids greeted J like he was a long-lost sibling, and of course J was eager to ditch his clothes and made me help him get naked right there in the car.  J has really taken to nudism.

Mike and I waited to get inside before disrobing.  T1 and E soon pulled up and in no time everyone was in their birthday suits.  Once again the kids treated J wonderfully.

BTW, Kayla didn’t join us.  She had a big paper to work on for school.  Yes, that what it was, a paper.  It had nothing to do with two very prominent purplish rings on her butt.  But that’s another story. 

SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS
J was sleeping on air mattress in the same room as Mike and I.  T1 and E got the fold out couch.  The youngest daughter wanted J to sleep in her room.  She got very attached to J both during the first time we met them and this visit.  I think it makes her feel good and important as she can “take care of J” if he needs help.  Mike said, “No, he is going to sleep with us, but you can wake him up if you get up before him.”

Our reasoning for having him sleep with us is that simply he was in a strange house and we needed to be able to respond if he needed something at night.  It’s just too much responsibility to put on someone else, let alone a child.   Her response was interesting.

“I know you all are still trying out being naked, but I don’t like boys that way.  We wouldn’t do anything we are not allowed to.”  

She said it in such an innocent way, as if she was trying to reassure us.  I told her, “Yes, we are new, and we really like the way you and your family has made us feel so comfortable.  You are a great example for J but he may need something during the night and that is my job and his dad’s job to take care of him.”  She didn’t argue and just said, “okay.”

Her choice of words intrigued me.  She didn’t say “we wouldn’t do anything bad.”  She said, “not allowed to.”  Later, when the kids were off in another room playing, I asked the Nudies about how do they deal with the topic of sex and at what age?  

BIRDS AND THE BEES WHEN THE BEAK AND THE HONEY ARE IN FULL VIEW?
Their approach to sex ed was fascinating.  I won’t go into all the details.  I will summarize it by saying it was nonchalant, non-judgmental, and very open.  Kind of like their nudism.

The information they provided their children was more detailed, more accurate, and used proper words like penis and vagina instead of baby-talk slang terms.  However, it was also age appropriate.  Once the kid’s curiosity could no longer be satisfied with “babies happen when parents decide they want a child and love each other very much,” they would explain fucking.

Ha!  No they didn’t. I just typed that to see if you were still awake.  Got ya!  No, they didn’t explain fucking.   But at some point in the child’s development they would explain about daddy’s penis touching their mommy’s vagina and if they are lucky, a baby happens, and they were lucky because that is how they happened.  Yeah, in other words, fucking.  lol.

ENOUGH SEX ED, WHAT ABOUT THE VISIT 
The next day the girls wanted to take J exploring around the property — J learned that even a nudist has to wear shoes!  Ha.  I was hesitant as J can lose his balance easily, and the terrain isn’t completely flat, so Mike agreed to join them in their exploring.

I stayed and talked with T1, E, and Mr. & Mrs. Nudie.   Eventually all of us, and Son, went on a tour around their farm. It was so amazing to be walking naked outside.  It reminded me a bit of the time last year when we rented a remote place and were naked outside (151. Immersion 2017 – Forbidden Zone).   It feels so odd, but feels so good.  It really is addicting and writing this give me a craving to do it again. 

As they were showing me around we met up with Mike and the kids.  I already had this wonderful feeling from my own nakedness as well as walking with the others who were naked.  Then, coming across Mike and the kids who were also naked . . . ten of us of varying ages, outside on a lovely day, naked.  There is such an immense beautiful deep sense of innocence, vulnerability, and warmth, in witnessing such a thing.  I can’t fully describe it.

Never once did I have a feeling of inappropriateness or of anything sexual.   While I rationally understood that nudism is not sexual, it was only then that I fully felt it.  It never crossed my mind that any of this was inappropriate or sexual in nature.  My only thoughts were of the beauty of it and of being part of it.

The distinction being that prior to that moment, I was very aware of the awkwardness and novelty of everyone being naked, and very aware of my mind saying, “see, this doesn’t feel sexual.”   But in that moment, I lost the awkwardness, I lost the novelty of it, and the mind only thought of the beauty.  I think in that very moment I crossed over to becoming a nudist!  

THEIR NEW HOMESTEAD
The next day we visited the property that E & T2 bid on.  The realtor met us there and E told us in advance that we don’t have to get dressed for him.  The realtor is a friend of her cousin’s and while not a full-fledged nudist, he has been to their house many times and not only witnessed their nudism, but partook in it.  As they told us before, they have introduced a lot of people into at least experimenting with the lifestyle.

It was really odd getting in the car naked and driving to the neighboring property.  A tip we learned was to take our clothes with us, just in case there is car trouble or something unexpected.  (nothing unexpected occurred, but, at least we were prepared if it did). 

The realtor stayed clothed as he showed us around.  It was another odd moment, walking around naked with this clothed stranger.  Perhaps I was premature in calling myself a nudist as clearly I am still very aware of my nudity in such a situation.  And I was watching E and the Nudies closely.  It was clear they had no reservations or uneasiness about their nudity.  Yep, I still have some learning and adjusting before I am fully comfortable as a nudist.  

MIKE’S TAKE
I took to nudism like a fish to water.  I was already looking to go to a nudist resort when we discovered E was a third generation nudist.  Mike has jumped aboard for the ride but it was at my urging.  Mike tends to be less of an initiator when it comes to being adventuresome, but he is quick to climb aboard with my wild ideas.  You don’t have to look further than our DD as an example of that.  (8. Now I am ready to get hubby aboard).

When the opportunity to get naked arose, Mike had more reservations regarding J than I did.  While ultimately I defer to Mike’s authority, we have meaningful and respectful discussions on many topics, even those we differ on.  And it wasn’t that we differed regarding the nudity, it was just that he was uncertain. 

In situations that concern the kids, Mike tends to give more weight to my feedback than to his own.  Not that he doesn’t have great parenting skills, but he values my motherly instincts.  That doesn’t mean I always get my way regarding issues with the kids, but, I mostly do.

And he admits to feeling awkward, just like I do, but that like me, it is quickly fading.  At first he felt awkward just in his own skin.  No more.  Then he felt awkward around E — his soon-to-be daughter-in-law. . . it just seemed weird.  But E’s comfort with it has rubbed off.

He said he still feels a bit awkward around the Nudies kids, especially the girls.  He is afraid of saying or doing something that could be misinterpreted.  He told me that while they were walking around the property he was thinking, what if one of them fell or he had to carry them, or god forbid, what if he got an erection and he isn’t somewhere he can excuse himself?   Not that he felt anything sexual, but, the comfortness of the walk, a nice breeze.  I mean, it wasn’t likely to happen, but, what if, and it weighed on his mind.

Enough about being nudism and the Nudies. 

SAY WHAT???
How about something salacious for my next post?   I mentioned two posts back that there were two things I was reluctant to share.  One rhymed with ski, and I wrote about it in my previous post.  The other rhymed with bartend, and I will write about it in my next post.

What rhymes with bartend?  Could it be “boyfriend?”   Perhaps Kayla got a boyfriend?

Well, that would be half right.   Could it be she got a girlfriend?  Or wait, what if someone else got a boyfriend?  Who could that someone else be?   I wonder?  !!! ???  !!!

Next: 243. I got a boyfriend!

239. Filters: As you sow, so shall you reap

239

Yeah, that image evokes something BDSM-related, but sorry, no kinky story this time.  Just a tale of reflection, Jenny style. 

SLOWER PACE
I’ve slowed in my posting.  Part of a self imposed decrease in my attention to emails, social media, and blog.  I plan on resuming my “normal” obsession level soon – lol – but I am enjoying the break.  I started some new things.  I joined a yoga class and I am reading more and I started meditating — something I’ve never done before.   It’s been awesome.

While I won’t stop doing those things, I also won’t let those things keep me off my laptop!  I’ll be increasing my computer time soon, just at a more balanced level. 

SISTER TALK
I was talking to one my sisters who frequently reads my blog.  (
116. Revealing DD to my sisters121. 20 Questions from Sis136. Submitted Wife).   There are times I wish I hadn’t told her about my blog – there are just some things a sister doesn’t need to know.  But overall I am glad I did.  I can benefit from her sisterly advice and comments.  It’s great to have a sounding board from a “vanilla” who also has my best interests at heart.  And, she provided me with the fodder for this post!

She asked me if I ever reflect on how I ended up with the following:

  • Mike:  A husband willing to entertain and adopt my suggestion regarding Domestic Discipline.
  • John and Donna:  Friends (and neighbors) who share similar kinks and open to swinging and sharing with us.
  • Kayla:  A former babysitter turned friend and lover AND fellow submissive.
  • Lunch Bunch:  My group of “gal pals” who, instead of shunning me, accepted me when I shared the news of my sexcapdes and submission with them.  Even to the extent one of them has “consulted” with me on spicing up their sex life (and more to come on that in another post).
  • Matt:  A friend and former co-worker of Mike’s with whom I have sex with, as does Kayla, and who joins us at times with John and Donna. 
  • E:  My soon to be daughter-in-law is a third generation nudist (naturist).  We discover this just as I am suggesting to Mike that we try out a nudist resort or beach.

I told sis that I hadn’t specifically reflected on this, but my answer didn’t require deep reflection.  I immediately felt I knew the answer.  The following is what I shared with her. 

KARMA?
Yes, since adopting Domestic Discipline, it seems my life is filled with more “unique” experiences than I could have ever imagined.  It could be a karma type thing, or a “as you sow, so shall you reap” type of thing.  I’ve always believed in my own version of karma – I believe that if we want happiness, peace, friendship, and love…then we must first be those things — happy, peaceful, friendly, and loving.  Whatever we want to be around us, we must first be ourselves.  And I believe it is even more than that. 

  • What we CHOOSE for ourselves we also RETAIN — i.e., the things our filter let’s in will stick with us.  
  • What we REJECT for ourselves we DISCARD – i.e., the things our filter removes won’t stick with us.  

The single most influential factor in our lives is the people who surround each day.  And we are surrounded and influenced by the people we have chosen to be in our lives.

Surround yourself with happy, peaceful, friendly, loving people, and it is much easier to be those things yourself.  They feed on each other.  Surround yourself with negative people..anxious, self absorbed, untrustworthy, mean spirited, cold, fearful, etc… and it is easy to become those things yourself.  They also feed on each other.

FILTER and CHOOSE WISELY
There are tons of emotional dust and negativity and other bits of self-defeating debris floating around in our daily lives.  I believe you can avoid ingesting this debris if you adopt the right “filters” in your life.

If someone is an emotional drainer… someone who makes me uneasy…. I can’t trust them, I am unsettled being around them…. well, I simply choose to not be around them – even if they are family!

My filter once had a glaring weakness.  My need to provide guidance (I was a guidance counselor after all) slowly morphed to a need to “fix” people.  I didn’t realize it at the time as I thought I was just being helpful, but I allowed myself to become too invested in their outcome — at times I was more invested in someone’s outcome than they were.  What a waste of time and energy.  I still like to help people, but I am much more in tune with whether or not they want to help themselves first.

This “filtering” I do means that at this point in my life I am left with a group of people that fulfill me and reflect the things I value the most.

VALUE VERSUS VALUES
Value means valuing the differences, not just valuing the things we agree with.  My friends and family are diverse in their religious beliefs or lack thereof, as well as political beliefs.  These can be incendiary topics to disagree on —  but — we agree on some core values regarding personal happiness, truthfulness, empathy, respect, and acceptance.  Our differences may be in how we “execute” those values, but those differences make for great conversations.

Simply put, we don’t “damn” each other for our differences.  Question, but don’t judge.  We accept each others “truths” as being fine for the other person, even if we reject them for ourselves.  The result is I haven’t necessarily filtered out those that are different than I am.  Instead, I have filtered out those that are intolerant of such differences.

Here are some specific things that I attribute to the openness and acceptance of the relationships my sister questioned. 

MIKE
I can write a novel on this.  Simply put, he is my soul mate, we compliment and complete each other.  We are one, but not the same.  We are willing to try, explore, and support anything the other asks. 

JOHN AND DONNA
They are just as surprised with Mike and I as we are with them.   They had been doing their version of D/s well before us.  We were friends and neighbors for many years prior to my DD and of course, prior to swinging and playing with them.   

KAYLA
She credits her fondness of Mike and I as coming from how warm, loving, and accepting our household has always been of her.  I mentioned before she had a crush on Mike when she was younger, but Kayla didn’t fully reveal to us until later just how deep that crush was, and that it also included me.

While a part of her looked at Mike as a father figure, she mostly fantasized about him as a mate.  When I shared my DD with her, she immediately saw it as an opportunity to explore — explore her fantasies about Mike, her feelings for other women, explore poly in a more comfortable way (she was already in a poly relationship), and of course, explore being submissive.  And the clincher for her was that she could do all of that in a safe, warm, and nurturing environment.

LUNCH BUNCH
I have been surprised by my lunch bunch friends level of acceptance (222. It’s only kinky the first time).  I thought some would be so uncomfortable that they would not want me to speak of it again — but they all have been eager to bring it up it conversations and further the conversation.   I know they all don’t accept it as being something for them, but they all accept it as being something for me.   I would love to call that simply, “choosing good friends,” but frankly, I think some of it was just luck. 

MATT
Mike chose him to be in our life, not me.  I am still getting to know him, but I think Mike’s choice in inviting him into our “Circle of Trust” is based on similar things that I look for in people.  There hasn’t been anything about him that has concerned me and I enjoy his company.  The sex is great too – ha!

E
T1 chose E, so I can’t take the credit; however, it does make me think about how much T1’s upbringing may have influenced his attraction to someone like E.  In many ways E embodies the values I always wanted to instill in my kids, even though I wasn’t always consistent or good at doing so.  And this has nothing to do with the nudist stuff – although that sort of encapsulates it all.  She has no false pretenses, is sure of herself but not full of herself, and is empathetic and caring.  A perfect match for T1.  I can’t be more happy for him to have found someone like her.

While I’d like to credit T1’s upbringing for equipping him with a “filter” to attract and retain someone like E in his life, the truth is, I think it is mostly luck.  In my experience, children are as likely to reject their parent’s “filters” as they are to accept them.  Perhaps what helped with T1 is that we set filters based on broader issues of feeling good about yourself versus specific issues of say looks, finances, race, religion, politics, etc. 

EPILOGUE
My “filter” is not perfect.  I’ve let in plenty of the “wrong people” in my life or kept them around longer than I should.  And I don’t mean wrong as there is something bad about them in general, just something bad about them regarding my own happiness.  And I guess that is the best way to sum up my “filter.”  If you can’t provide me a certain amount of happiness and fulfillment, I filter you out; otherwise, I breathe you in!

Next: 240. Recovering my True Blogging Self

232. Our Final “outing”

We told our middle child about our relationship with Kayla and a bit more about our dynamic.  If that wasn’t enough, we shared our plans to meet E’s family at a naturist resort, likely in June.   

WHAT WE SAID RE KAYLA
We simply said that our relationship has evolved such that he would likely best understand it as a polyamory thing.  I didn’t explicitly say it was sexual, but it was very clearly understood as you will soon read.

We told him we wouldn’t be hiding our relationship from anyone — not that we would shout it from the rooftops, but we wouldn’t go out of our way to hide it. 

WHAT WE SAID RE D/s
We had already shared the basics back in December and he was able to see it in practice, so he pretty much gets the picture.  We added was that Kayla was part of this “deferring to, and service to”, his dad.  We also injected the word “accountable” which I don’t think we had used before.  He didn’t ask in what ways we are accountable to his dad and that’s fine by me.  We wanted him to have a general understanding and it seems to us that he does.  If he asks more questions later, we will answer them.   

WHAT WE SAID RE NUDIST RETREAT
We brought up the opportunity to meet E’s family by having a family vacation along with them at a resort, likely in early June… and, that it was a nudist resort. 

We talked about meeting E’s cousin’s family who were practicing nudists.    We shared with him that we partook in the clothing free option.  We explained we aren’t planning to be clothes free around the house, but that there may be more nudity as we also may not rush to wear clothes.  He connected the dots back to his experience of seeing Kayla naked. 

T2 REACTS RE KAYLA
He said he basically already knew – sort of!   Turns out, one his friends is the brother of Michaud’s roommate.

T2 never met Michaud, but has met the roommate.  By chance the group of them were talking about relationships and the roommate mentioned Michaud dating a “poly” girl who was also in a relationship with an older couple.  The roommate mentioned her name – Kayla – but at the time T2 didn’t think it was the Kayla he knew. 

When T2 eventually learned that Kayla was dating someone named Michaud, he immediately connected everything, including the fact the “older couple” was likely his parents!  He didn’t say anything to anyone…as he didn’t know what to say nor really want to know more.

T2 tends to be pretty reserved.  He will say what is on his mind but you have to work at prying it out.    We weren’t expecting much behind a nod and an “okay,” but he actually asked a lot of engaging questions – more than T1 asked us when we told him.  This was welcomed but was also surprising.

T2 bluntly said, “So, you all have sex and everything like a typical relationship?”   Our answer was a simple, “Yes, we do.”  He said it was “Pretty wild,” and “a lot to process,” but it didn’t bother him.  He joked he didn’t know he had such “trendy” parents.

I told him it wasn’t about trying to be in vogue. Things just evolved and we didn’t feel it was necessary to suppress our feelings.  While the desire not to suppress our feelings may be helped by increasing social acceptance, social views are not what created our love and affection.  We also apologized for not saying something sooner as part of reason for telling him was so that he didn’t find out some other way.

He did ask the, “isn’t she young for you guys” question… although his version was, “aren’t you old for her?”   He was more interested into what the appeal was for Kayla, which she answered.  She reminded him of her lifelong attraction to people older than her and the affection she has always felt from and towards us became something much deeper.  She said that perhaps it is the age difference that allows her to connect to us in a way she can’t with anyone else.  

He did ask about the long-term plans and we all admitted that those were up in the air and would evolve however they are meant to evolve. Oh, and he asked me if this means I was bisexual and have I always been that way.  Very pointed questions I wasn’t expecting, but I was happy to answer.   Yes, and yes, with the caveat it was something I haven’t explored since college.  

T2 REACTS TO D/s
He didn’t react beyond an “okay.”  We weren’t anticipating much here since he had been witness to my more subservient role in the household.

T2 REACTS TO NUDIST RETREAT
It wasn’t a complete shocker.  T1 had told him before that E’s family “used to vacation at a nude resort growing up.” (mild understatement to say the least).  T2 took it to mean as a one-off thing, not an actual lifestyle.  So he was a little surprised, but not that much and gave it his typical well thought out and elaborate response of “Cool.”  

He was “game” for attending if his work situation allows it.  That was great to hear — we were thinking it was 50/50 as to whether or not he would be open to going.  The shocker was he asked if he could bring his girlfriend.  Now that was awkward for us!

TABLES TURNED
Here we are expressing our “progressive” lifestyle regarding our relationships, plus we already having T1 living with his girlfriend (now fiancée) — yet, we were hesitant to have T2’s girlfriend along.  What of the sleeping arrangements?   I am fine with them having sex (which they have had), but, having her share a room with him makes me feel like I am somehow facilitating it.   T2 just turned 22.

Of course, when Mike said it felt a bit “creepy” to him, T2 was quick to add in jest, “You mean, like mom and dad sleeping with the babysitter?”   Touché

This led to a very frank discussion about a variety of things.  T2 shared some stuff about his prior relationship (he dated his last girlfriend for a long time), stuff about himself, and his outlook on relationships, etc.   It was all a good family bonding experience and at times, probably a bit “creepy” for all of us.  

In the end, we agreed that if he is able to come, is girlfriend is welcomed.  T said he doesn’t have any qualms about asking her, but that she may not want to or be able to attend.  We shall see. 

And in fact, apparently we shall see an awful lot!  Ha.  That’s a nudist joke in case you missed it.  

IN CONCLUSION
It went well, which I expected, but it went even better than any of us expected.  We are all feeling very good and very excited about being more ourselves around friends and family.   Technically this isn’t our “final outing” as we have other family members to deal with regarding our relationship with Kayla.  But the kids were defintely the priority and the most meaninful for us.  The others will come in time and frankly, while we obviously prefer acceptance, their reactions are less important to us.

Next: 233. Meet the Nudies

227. Naturism Rant

227

I shared how my soon to be daughter-in-law was raised a naturist (aka nudist).   Since her revelation, we are now planning a joint vacation at a naturistt resort complete with her family, which we will be meeting for the first time.

Sorry to go on and on in this post.  I am just so fascinated by the things E shared.  So, indulge me, and maybe my next post will share something more salacious. 

E brought tons of pictures and shared many stories of her countless vacations growing up.   In addition to several trips a year to a resort, they lived close to a nudist beach that they would go to all of the time.  She also had relatives they would visit who lived in a clothing optional community.   

The pictures were amazing.  Seeing the total acceptance and comfort of everyone in their “birthday suits” was heartwarming.  All shapes, sizes, and ages.  It was beautiful.  I think it is difficult to imagine if you have never seen pictures like this or have never been to a clothing optional place.  It is easy to imagine that the first thoughts are likely of sex, debauchery, or perversion (or all three!).  It is none of those.  

The ease and comfort at which E would shared the photos was amazing.  Pictures of her naked with her siblings, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, or friends – pictures that spanned pretty much her lifetime.  All just doing things that people do on vacation.  You can see the fun, joy, and merriment that you see in any family pictures.   The difference of course, is that everyone is naked.   It was beautiful to sense the lack of modesty and shame from every one, regardless their age.

WE WILL GO AS A FAMILY (likely)
There is a resort her and her family have gone to before that appears to have excellent handicap amenities, so we are likely going to take J with us.  We haven’t told him yet as we want to finalize our plans first, plus, we will wait until it is closer to actually going as he does not do well with any anticipation of any sorts.  As for the nudity, that isn’t even our concern.   We know he will handle it just fine.  In fact, he will be more comfortable and casual about it than perhaps my middle child, T2.   Although I haven’t talk to T2 about it, my oldest did talk to his brother about it.  As expected, T2 was not that enthusiastic.  He didn’t say no, but didn’t say yes – and it may not matter.  He graduates college in May and has a job lined up, so might not be able to go anyway.

SHALL WE ALL GET NAKED?
Oh, and in case you were wondering, E and I were both naked during her visit, and when Kayla got home she got naked as well.  Mike was at work.

E spends as much of her life as clothes free as possible, meaning she is naked most of the time she is at home.  She has immersed T1 into the lifestyle as well, and with little exception, she said he tends to be naked around the house as well.  Since Mike and I are fine with it, and obviously E and T1 are fine with it, we talked about whether we should all be naked when we get together.  Her and I agreed that as far as we were concerned, absolutely!  We would leave it up to the guys if they wanted to join in, or if Mike doesn’t want to allow it at all. I have since asked Mike, and he said he is open to it, and “we will see.”  That typically means “Yes!”

I asked E if she would want to disrobe if everyone else kept their clothes on.  I found her answer interesting.   She said for her it depends.  She has family members who aren’t into the lifestyle and it isn’t uncommon at some family get together to have a mix if clothed and nude bodies.  Some naturist family members are more “militant” than others and will shed their clothes whenever they can, regardless.  Others will tend to take their cues from the situation.  For instance, she will keep her clothes on if at the house of a family member who doesn’t partake.  However, if it is at her home, family members know to expect she will be naked.

She said whether we wear clothes or not, at her home, she wants to be naked even if no one else is.  As for our house, since we are accepting, she is comfortable being the only one naked if that is how it has to be.  I find this all so fascinating and just how comfortable and nonchalant E is about this.  I guess growing up the way she did, she probably feels us “textiles” are the oddity.  

E has immersed me in naturism etiquette and helped dispel myths I had.  Even though I see the beauty in it, I have concerns about the perverts out there, ogling women, especially young girls or boys.  She shared that it just isn’t like that.  There might be more of that at a public nude beach, but she has never sensed it or seen it at resorts.  She has heard of incidents though.  She said the facilities screen people and everyone can tell if someone’s behavior is a bit “off.”  They get reported and dealt with.

Of course, perverts come in all aspects of society.  They may be “of the cloth” literally and figuratively, or they may be nudists.  But neither infer perversion.  In all her experience, and that of her family (going back to her grandparents!) is that, of course it makes sense to be aware of weirdos, but it is no different if going to the mall or going to a nude beach or resort.

I don’t intend this to be all about E, but her upbringing is so intriguing to me.  She assures me the intriguing parts aren’t about nudism, but perhaps about the bohemian, even gypsy like lifestyle of many of her family members.  But briefly – both sets of her grandparents were nudists, and her parents met at a nude resort.  So she has aunts and uncles on both sides of her family that practice naturism.  There are some that opted out of the lifestyle, but most stayed in.  And despite the avant-garde environment of her family,  while there are a handful of artists in the bunch, most are college educated white collar professionals.  Surprising, but I know my surprise is simply because of my own biases.

EXHIBITIONISM?
I admitted to her that I have an exhibitionist streak in me, but, the feeling I get from exhibitionism is different from what I was feeling about this trip. However, I couldn’t articulate the difference I was feeling, only that the exhibitionist in me isn’t what is excited about going to a nude resort.   While I couldn’t come up with the words to explain what I was feeling, E put it into her own words. 

She thought of it this way – She said she doesn’t consider herself an exhibitionist at all, and doesn’t believe anyone in her family considers themselves one either (in fact, I think she was slightly offended by a perceived implication that they are related).  She went on to say that it isn’t about some extravagant way of presenting yourself.  It is about the most normal and human way of presenting yourself.  To her, exhibitionism is about “Look at me, look at what I am doing.”  Whereas naturalism is about telling people, “I see you, you see me, we are all connected as humans, so let us respect and treat each other with kindness.”

Yeah, she pretty much hit the nail on the head regarding what I was feeling re I wasn’t connecting it to my exhibitionism.  It is about the purity of it all that attracts me – the feeling of connection at a very basic core.  So simple, so pure.  And, in all the pictures she showed me, I don’t think there were any where people aren’t smiling!   It seems like a happy place to be.  Not because of the visuals, but because of the overall vibe.

She said for her it doesn’t even dawn on her that she is naked or those around her are naked.  No more than it dawns on a “textile” to notice someone’s elbow or arm that is showing.  It is processed by her brain as just “normal” and thus doesn’t even register as a “thing” to take notice of.  However, she did say that, just like someone with clothes who has a part of their body that is different than the norm, you do notice people who are naked that also have parts that are different from the norm.  But that doesn’t mean it is sexualized.  Noticing an exceptionally large penis doesn’t make it sexual, any more than noticing someone with larger than normal hands is sexual.  Of course, if you have a hand fetish… but I digress. 

EROTIC?
And frankly, the visuals, while beautiful, aren’t erotic.  I know it must be hard for some people to separate a naked body from erotic thoughts.  I didn’t see or feel anything erotic in any of the pictures she showed me or from being naked with her.  Once you have seen people of various shapes and sizes, from small to large you name its, from saggy to shriveled whatsits, crooked this, crooked that, cock-eyed nipples, cellulite, body rolls, etc., etc., you quickly see past the visuals.  You just see joy,  the humanity, see the person for who they are, not what they look like or are or aren’t wearing.   That’s the beauty of it. 

Ha, my first naturism rant!  And I haven’t been officially initiated yet!

YAWN, GIVE ME A SPANKING!
You know what?  It’s been awhile since I’ve talked D/s.  So, enough about naturism, enough about
my research, or my youthful indiscretions. how about a spanking story?  I went 19 days without punishment until a transgression resulted in a pretty harsh spanking (are there other kinds?).   They have all been pretty harsh when they come.  But I am not complaining, giggle giggle!    I’ll share it on my next post. 

Next: 228. Addicted to Vulnerability (psst…and a spanking story)