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131. An Argument

Mike and I had our biggest disagreement since adopting Domestic Discipline over two years ago.  Granted, I wrote before about an argument (Post 44. Argument Part I and Post 45. Argument Part II).   But that was nothing compared to this.  On the one I posted about in 44 and 45, I was clearly in the wrong.  This one didn’t have a right or wrong.  Just two points of view that were equal on their merits, but only one could prevail.  

The issues are unimportant but I will say it had to do with our kids, namely our youngest J, and a disagreement over handling a particular situation.  I am not going to share the details because it really doesn’t matter.  It isn’t about someone being wrong or right, or who said or did what to whom.  Suffice to say we didn’t see eye to eye on something of which we both have strong feelings and perspectives – and those feelings and perspectives were not compatible.  Thus, an argument. 

There is nothing about our DD lifestyle that says I must agree with Mike or that says I don’t have a voice.  I routinely voice my thoughts and opinions but allow Mike to be the final arbiter.  I have never felt discounted or felt that my views were devalued, even though clearly I don’t always “get my way.”  That is no different from life before DD. 

The difference is that before DD, discontent would typically fester, pop, then linger.  With DD there is no opportunity for an issue to fester as we communicate openly, honestly, and timely.  Instead of “popping” in a heated argument, there is a “respectful disputation” that has a clear ending.  Yes, that ending is typically with Mike deciding on things, but I agreed to that,  and frankly, I like that.  At least in concept, because there are times where it is very difficult.  Basically, the more important and passionate I am about the issue, the harder it is to accept Mike’s “verdict” if it is not to my liking. 

Thus far there have been few issues that have come up and almost all are been very minor.  Mike has been very good at considering my needs.  While I don’t look at in terms of “wins” or “losses,” it makes it easy to convey if I sum it up as simply, “win some, lose some.”  Again, no different from pre-DD, except again, the process is much more respectful, quick, loving, and finite — no lingering resentments.   And of course, one other major difference is that ultimately, Mike rules!

I could not accept Mike’s decision on this particular issue.  We actually talked about it on several occasions over a few days before he came to a decision.  He was done talking about it but I was not.  I did not agree with his decision.  At first he graciously and respectfully said, “Okay, I see that this upsets you, so let’s talk so more.”  Sort of like, “I know I made my decision, but I am open to reconsidering.”  But after about the third time of doing this he grew impatient and drew the “Dom card.”  Basically he decreed the discussion over and the decision final.  I still could not accept it.  I’ll get back to that in moment.  

During the discussions (okay, fine, During the Argument!)
I earned a few punishments prior to him pulling the “Dom card.”  In each case Mike was clear that the punishment was not because we were in disagreement, but because of my attitude or disrespect in my attempts to communicate my feelings.  I accepted those spankings without hesitation.  I agreed to be respectful at all times and I wasn’t, so it was no different from any other transgression.   It also helped me stay calm when I talked to him, or, I would wait until I calmly collected my thoughts before bringing it up again.   So again, I thank our DD for helping in this way.     

As the issues and discussions spanned the course of several days, the mood in the house was a bit odd and awkward.  Not only was this our first big “fight” since adopting DD, we also have Kayla in our household.   Let’s just say that during those days I was not feeling particularly close to Mike, nor he to me, and Kayla was sort of stuck in the middle.  I didn’t particularly feel sexy nor sexually aroused towards Mike nor did he feel that way towards me.  In those days I did have sex with Kayla, and Kayla with Mike, but Mike and I did not have sex.   I know Kayla was a bit uncomfortable by it all, but she was wise to stay out the fray and Mike and I retained enough of our senses to not try to drag her in.  She did not give her opinion, nor was she asked. 

AFTER THE DOM CARD
When Mike pulled his “Dom card” and issued is final “decree,” he knew I was still unhappy about it.  Despite my efforts, I couldn’t “fake” it  and was clearly not my normal self.  At one point Mike finally said, “Are you happy being a submissive?”     Of course I answered yes (make that, “Yes, Sir!”   

“Do you want to remain submissive or stop?”   “Yes sir, I want to remain like this.  I do not want to stop.”

He went on to ask me why I didn’t want to stop, and my replies were full of all the things I’ve written about here regarding what I get from DD.  I know the point he was trying to make is that if I get all these wonderful things from DD, I need to accept that he has final say and that is that.  He heard me out, he even softened his position a bit, and he made his final decision.  If I couldn’t accept it, he was basically saying I can not accept DD and our D/s relationship.  This was similiar to the approach he took the first time we had an argument after adopting DD.  (Post 45 Argument – Part 2).

I still wasn’t ready to give in.  I wanted it both ways.  I want to be submissive, I want to serve Mike, and I want my way on this one.  Mike then turned my disagreement with him into a punishable offense.   He said he was done discussing it, had already made certain concessions and it was clear we would never fully see eye to eye on the appropriate solution, so either I accept he has final say or I don’t, and we are done with DD.  Since I made it clear I did not want to end our DD, nor want to accept his decision as final, I was punished. 

THE PUNISHMENT
The punishment was not an immediate event.  It was several days of basically a Master/slave immersion. More like a “mini” immersion because J was home with us, but while he was at school or asleep, it was very much Master/slave mode.  Mike said that perhaps having to go a few days of deeply submitting beyond our normal routine would help “get back into my submissive mindset.” 

It may be strange to say this, but I loved this.  I still hated the decision, and I didn’t particular enjoy parts of the “deep submission,” but I enjoyed the idea of it.  I have written before that I love it anytime Mike ad-libs things in showing his Dominance.  This situation was not explicitly addressed in our Contract so he had to use his discretion in determining how to respond to my actions.  He did so in an admirably Dominant way and I happy that he did so. 

Since I haven’t shared a spanking story in a while, I’ll share one particular punishment I got during this mini-immersion period.  The immersion was filled with spankings, some severe, nip and clit clips, tack bra, ball gag, mouth soaping (and the dreaded rinse), writing lines, and the like.  It also had its share of sexual submission as well.  At any time Mike would stop me and have me perform a sexual act on him or on Kayla.   There were standing orders that anytime he motioned a certain way I was to drop on all fours in front of him, take out his cock and perform oral sex, while Kayla fetched a paddle.  She would then paddle me while I went to town on Mike and continued spanking me until Mike finished. 

When Mike announced the mini-immersion was over, the entire issue was truly over.  I accepted his decision on the issue that started all of this.  I was definitely back in my submissive mindset.   In reflecting on it I also could say that while I still wish he would have decided otherwise, I can fully accept his decision.  While it isn’t what I would have decided, it was still reasonable, loving, and effective – just like the mini-immersion.  Score one for the Dom, and score another for DD.

NEXT:  Post 132.  Good Grove / Bad Move.

  

 

 

92.The Inspection. Defining Necessary.

shy

Thanksgiving
I hope your Thanksgiving was as wonderful as mine.  We spent time with all three of our kids and extended family as we went to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving.  They live about three hours away – a perfect distance for my liking.  Close enough for an easy visit, but far enough away that visits don’t have to be weekly or monthly – ha!

My eldest and his girlfriend left our festivities a bit early to spend time with her family, and my middle child left late in the afternoon to go camping with some friends.  My parents invited J to stay the weekend with them.  He loves staying with them – I mentioned before that typically he stays with them two full weeks out of the summer.  My parents are getting older and I am starting to have concerns about their ability to care for him.  He can be physically demanding at times.  Luckily my sister and her family said they were going to stay the weekend as well, so that meant not only more support to care for J, but more fun as he always enjoys his cousins.  That also meant was that Mike and I could be alone for the long weekend!

Kayla Visits
On Friday we invited Kayla over so we could have our long awaited talk.  She was ready to present “her document” (as mentioned in Post 91) where she wrote down her thoughts on what she wants out of a relationship with us.  She also asked Mike and me to prepare something as well regarding our thoughts on what we want.

She came over around 10 am, nervous, but eager to share.  I was not naked!  Kayla has seen me before in my submissive and naked state, but given that this was a time for us to focus on her without potential distraction or awkwardness, Mike asked me to get dressed as Kayla arrived.

I will use another post to talk about what Kayla put in her “document.”  For now I want to share something very surprising that occurred. 

Kayla handed us each a copy of the document she prepared.  As we were reading I could see that Kayla was very fidgety in her chair, biting her nails and looking down at the floor.  She asked, “What about the document you prepared for me?”

I responded that we didn’t prepare one for her.  She was clearly disappointed and annoyed.

“Hey guys, I really put a lot into this document and was looking forward to reading what you wanted from me.  I really poured out my soul here and I wanted to get your thoughts so I could consider your suggestions.”

Mike responded, “Kayla, what we want in a relationship with you is very simple.  We can sum it all up in one sentence, and tell you what, Jen will go ahead and write it out for you.   I grabbed a pen and pad, wrote it out, signed it, handed it to Mike and he signed it, and then I handed it to Kayla.

It read, “We want to help Kayla grow towards becoming the person SHE wants to become, whatever that person may be, not defined or limited by what we want or what anyone else wants.”

Kayla read the note and said, “Thank you, that’s so sweet, but still, I was hoping for some help so that I don’t make mistakes.”

Mike, knowing Kayla’s penchant for perfectionism, responded, “Kayla, that’s our point.  You have to discover what is and isn’t a mistake for you.  Mistakes not only should be expected, they must be welcomed as they are required as part of discovering yourself.  When you make a mistake, and you will, it means you are going about this correctly.  I am sure we will have some advice and guidance for you along the way, but it wouldn’t be right for us to limit something you want, or push something you don’t want.  There simply isn’t anything appropriate for us to suggest other than what Jen just wrote down for you.”

As Mike and I continued reading, Kayla was becoming more and more fidgety, pursing her lips and acting as if we were professors reading her dissertation.  With a lot of tentativeness in her delivery, she said, “I understand what you are saying, but, I know I’ll need your help and I was hoping for some constructive suggestions as to what some good acts of service and transgressions would be.”

At that point Mike put the paper down and looked at Kayla and said, “Okay, Kayla, do you really want some help in the details regarding your submission?”

“Yes,” Kayla responded.

“First, from now on it is ‘Yes, Sir’ when you speak to me,” Mike calmly stated.

“Yes, Sir, said Kayla.

“Secondly, stand up and take your clothes off,” Mike said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Kayla looked over at me with her eyes as big as saucers.  I felt like saying, “Mike, no, not now,” but I held back.

Kayla hesitated for a moment.  Mike didn’t repeat himself and just stared at her in silence.  It was probably all of five seconds but it felt like 60 when Kayla slowly stood up.  She looked at me, then at Mike, then at the floor.  She then began unbuttoning her shirt with a tremble in her hands.  Mike then told me to go get our full length pedestal mirror from our bedroom. I had no clue what he was planning, but I obeyed without question.

I quickly retrieved it and brought it into the room as Kayla was pulling off her panties and was now completely naked.  Surprisingly, Mike then told me to disrobe.  Whatever was on his mind wasn’t anything we discussed regarding what we would say to Kayla.  Of course, I continued to simply obey and I undressed.  He told me to stand by the chair I had been sitting in across the coffee table from where Kayla was standing.

Kayla was very nervous and clearly embarrassed as she stared at the floor. Mike placed the mirror in front of Kayla and told Kayla to look at herself and then to look over at me.  He asked Kayla what differences she saw.  Kayla began to describe some physical differences and he stopped her.

“No, not in looks.  What difference do you see in your beauty compared to Jenny?”

WTF?  Wow, that seemed harsh.  He knows she is insecure. What was he doing?  I stayed silent.  Kayla’s eyes began to tear up and she was puzzled.  “What do you mean?

“What do you mean, Sir,” Mike corrected her.

That only made Kayla more nervous as her lower lip trembled as she fought to not start crying.

Mike responded, “Kayla, physically you are just as beautiful as Jen or any other woman.  Your face and your body is very attractive, beautiful, and sexy.  But, it isn’t your body where people see beauty, or lack thereof.  It is in your energy, and frankly Kayla, your energy is very unappealing.”

While Mike was talking very monotone with no anger or disgust in his voice, Kayla’s eyes teared up and tears slowly began to stream down her face.  I was so tempted to intervene and just hug her and tell her it is all okay and I told myself I’ll give it just another minute or two before I just had to react.

Mike continued, “Kayla, you have a hard time making eye contact with us for more than a second and you can barely look at the mirror without immediately looking back the floor.  Your elbows are pressed tightly against your torso, your hands are in a fist, your knees are touching, your shoulders are drooping down, your bottom lip is tucked under your top lip, and you are slouched over.  Physically you are amazingly beautiful, but you carry your beauty like a meek apology instead of as a bold statement.  That’s what I want to help you with.”

Mike continued, “Since you want suggestions, I have an idea for a requirement of your submission, in fact, I will include Jen in this requirement as well.  We are going to have inspections, and we will have the first one right now.”

The Inspection
Mike called Kayla over to him and Mike stood up.  He said the inspection consists of him inspecting our bodies.  He said this will be a practice run without any punishments and the grading would be simple.  He explained, “You start with an A, and for each infraction you drop a letter grade. Anything less than an A is a punishment for you, and anything less than a B results in BOTH of you being punished.  I want both of you to be accountable to each other for maintaining yourselves at my standards.  So if one of you gets a C or worse, then both of you are punished.  Understood?

“Yes Sir,” we both responded.

Mike looked at Kayla’s head and said, “Your hair is nice, still an A.  And your make-up, it doesn’t matter to me if you wear any or a little, but I don’t want to see a whole lot. No need to cover your lovely face.  What you have on right now looks nice, so, still an A.”

I noticed that with just those few sentences from Mike that Kayla’s physical demeanor already began to change. She was standing taller and she was making more eye contact with Mike.  She seemed eager to absorb every word of his and her body seemed more relaxed.

Mike then told Kayla to open up her mouth.  He stuck a finger in and stretched her mouth open a bit and looked closely at her teeth.  “Okay,” he said, “in fairness, you didn’t know this was coming and we were just snacking on some stuff, so, yeah, not so good.   You’ll have to get in the habit of brushing and flossing right after every meal or snack.  So, yeah, that takes you to a B.”  He said it so nicely and jokingly that Kayla continued to be put at ease and there was actually a small smile on her face.

“Okay,” said Mike, “now your posture.  You need to get those shoulders back and stand up straight with your chest out.  Get those arms unglued from the side of your body, open up your stance a little, stand tall and proud.  Next time, that will cost you a letter, but we’ll keep you at a B for now.  Now, let me see your hands.”

Kayla put out her hands and Mike looked them over and said, “I think you know the grade now.  You are down to a C as you need to work on not biting your nails.  Tell you what, Jenny will take you for a manicure and pedicure, on us, as a welcome gift.  How does that sound?”

“Great, Sir,” said Kayla.   Her eyes now showed a spark and enthusiasm that hadn’t been present before.

“Alright, now, your breasts,” said Mike.  Just so you know, I am making this up as I go.  I hadn’t given inspections any thought until you seemed desperate for some guidance from us.  Clearly, I need to have some requirements of presenting your breasts.”

Mike put his fingers on his chin as if this required deep contemplation as he stared at Kayla’s breasts.

He snapped his fingers and said, “I got it.  When I call inspection, I want you to quickly tweak or pull your nipples so that they are as erect as you can get them in say, 10 seconds. That should be enough to satisfy what I am looking for.  Please do that for me now.”

With that, Kayla raised each hand to one breast, pinched her nipples and twisted and pulled for about 10 seconds, just long enough to get them to protrude a bit.  This even prompted a giggle from Kayla and a smiling “How’s that, Sir?”  She seemed to be totally at ease now and appeared to like the fact that Mike was looking at her breasts so intently.

“Great,” said Mike, “no change in your grade so you are still at a C, in fact, they look so nice maybe I’ll raise your grade to a B.”

Kayla laughed and said, “But Sir, when talking about my breasts I prefer to hear “C” and not “B.”  This was clearly a reference to her describing her breasts to me as “barely a C cup.”   Mike laughed and smiled and said, “Okay, then, you are still a C.”   All of this was even more evidence that Kayla had quickly become relaxed and comfortable.

He then gazed down between the stubble between her legs and said, “Now, tell me what you got going on down stairs?”

Kayla said, “Well sir, I normally keep it bare but I am a bit overdue for a shave.   I wasn’t expecting to be naked for anyone.”

“Fair enough,” Mike agreed, “but if you are going to be bare it needs to stay cleanly shaven at all times.  You’ll need to make a daily habit of shaving as anything less than totally smooth will decrease your grade.  So, if this were a real inspection, you would now be at D.

“And, now your toes.  I guess you can’t bite your toenails so they look nice.  So, there you have it, if this would have been a real inspection you would have a D and both you and Jen would be punished.  Again, I want the two of you to be accountable to each other to always be ready for an inspection at any time.

“Yes, Sir, but just so you know,” Kayla responded with a smile on her face, “I can bite my toenails, I just chose not to.”

“What?” Mike said a bit bewildered.

“Let me show you, Sir,” And with that, Kalya sat down and proceeded to put her toe in your mouth.  “Yes, I am very flexible” she proclaimed.

It was amazing how Kayla transformed in the span of a few minutes.  What had just been a bundle of nerves, shyness, and embarrassment was now comfortable, bubbly, and proud.  I couldn’t be more elated with what Mike was able to accomplish with this impromptu inspection idea.  It was unexpected and amazing, but wasn’t quite over.

Mike then said, “Oh, I almost forgot, the inspection isn’t quite over.  Kayla, please stand back up, turn around, and bend over.”

Kayla did so but was a bit befuddled.

“Okay, reach back and spread your ass cheeks,” commanded Mike.  Kayla did so and I could see once again she was pursing her lips.

Okay Kayla, sorry to say that you are now an F.  I expect your asshole to be clean as a whistle at all times, clean enough to eat, literally.  Okay, stand back up.”

Well, that was a buzzkill.  Mike then asked me to stand in front of him and he proceeded to inspect me.  It isn’t important to the story, but I got a B – hey, we had never done an inspection before so I wasn’t prepared.  I will be next time, as will Kayla.

With my inspection complete Mike asked Kayla if she had any questions or concerns about everything that had transpired thus far.

“Yes, Sir,” she said, “I just keep thinking about the inspection of my butt.  The mood was just getting so positive and then that.  Was that really necessary?”

Mike paused for a moment as he calculated his response.   “Necessary.  Necessary.  Humm… great word.”

Mike continued, “I think other than the lesson that mistakes should be welcomed as part of your growth, the next best lesson is actually about that word.  What is necessary?”   My mind jumped to a scene in the movie The Matrix as Morpheus discusses “What is real” with Neo, but I digress.

“Kayla, necessary to what?  Heck, Jen and I were married almost 25 years before Domestic Discipline.  Is it necessary for me to spank Jen or discipline her in any particular way?   Is it necessary to have an assortment of paddles, or use butt plugs, nipple clamps, or a tack bra?   Is submission itself even necessary?  The answer is simple.  No, it is not necessary.”

“In fact, Kayla, I think this takes our discussion full circle to where Jen and I started with you regarding our advice.  What is necessary is up to you.  My role is to help you find what is necessary to give you the level of submission and fulfillment that you want for yourself.  What is it that will give you the positive feelings that you want, that allows you to meet your commitments to yourself, and to allow you to become more like the person you strive to be?  I read enough in your paper to see that you want to become more confident in your body image.  I believe the best way to get comfortable in your skin is to, well, show more skin.  Through the continued acceptance and admiration that you will experience, the greater your confidence will grow.”  Laughingly, Mike then said, “Kayla, before long you’ll be willing to show anyone your asshole for no particular reason.”

We all laughed.  With that, Mike said, “Now let’s finish reading your document and talk about what’s next.”

Kayla asked, “Can we get dressed now, Sir.”

“No.  You might as well get used to both of you being naked around the house as long as the kids aren’t around.”

We completed reading her document and talking more about her vision for her submission and how the living arrangements would work.   I’ll share more about her document and our next steps in my next post.

Happy Thanksgiving!

NEXT: 93. Post Inspection.  Defining Needs.

87. And there it was.

This post shares a very cathartic moment in my life.   Sorry for the length of the post, but I felt it was important to detail each step that led to the catharsis because perhaps it wouldn’t have been possible if not for the events that led up to it.

I mentioned that with John away, at times John required Donna to be subject to all my “house” rules regarding submission, and at other times had her adhere to her own usual rules, with Mike serving in place of John in the execution of those rules.

DONNA’S INTENSE MONTHLY MAINTENANCE
John and Donna have a routine of an intense monthly maintenance at the first of each month.  I’ve mentioned before that John and Donna are a bit more BDSM in TTWD than Mike and I.  Donna looks forward to these sessions, counting down the days as a month draws to a close.  She said the intensity of them was like an “emotional dump” of all her negative feelings and anxieties.  She said she was really looking forward to November’s session to purge away any remaining negative feelings that linger regarding her having to follow my rules.

While I accept that pain can do that for her and for other people, it doesn’t quite do that for me.  At best I enjoy the pain of my punishments, and at worst, I simply tolerate them.  While the pain does give me a release, I find plenty of release from a moderate amount of pain, thus no need to intensify it.  I also find release simply in the act of submission, even when no pain is involved.   Thus, while I can relate to a sense of purging negative emotions through pain, for me if the punishment gets intense it doesn’t take long for that purge to cross over into just plain old intolerable and unacceptable pain.  I guess I am just not wired to find pleasure that way, just as I am sure many women are not wired to find pleasure in any one of my punishments that I enjoy.   In any event, I am happy for Donna that she enjoys this and finds it beneficial.

Each session they focus on different parts of the body.  This month it was her breasts.  Donna told me this was her favorite because she bruises the most and the tenderness lasts the longest compared to any other body part.  She said the visual and physical reminders that last for several weeks serve as reminders of her submission, giving her joy for those several weeks.

MIKE PERFORMS DONNA’S BREAST PUNISHMENT
As John was out on November 1, Mike had to administer her punishment.  Mike and Donna went over to her house to perform this while John skyped in to watch.  I wasn’t there as I stayed home with our son.

When Mike and Donna returned I just had to see what her tits looked like.  Donna showed me and for a brief moment I was shocked.  I was shocked with the extent of the bruising that was already apparent, shocked that Donna enjoyed this and looked forward to this, and shocked that Mike was responsible for delivering it.

The shock lasted only a few seconds.  My next reaction was that her breasts looked beautiful.  Beautiful because what it represented to her, not because what they represented to me.  I knew to her these were important symbols of her submission and made her feel complete, feel renewed, feel invigorated, and feel connected to John.   It also made me think, “I want that.”

I wondered if I would like a similar maintenance session?   Part of me wanted to submit to Mike in that way, but boy, it really looks like it hurt!  I don’t know if that is really for me.  There was still a part of me that wanted to give it a try

My breast punishments are mostly my nipple clamps, breast bindings, and tack bra.   There’s been some breast punishment but nothing too harsh or prolonged.  For some odd reason I wanted to see what level of pain would have to be inflicted in order for me to bruise.  I’ve never thought that way before about a punishment.  The goal has never been to inflict a given mark.  Sure, marks have happened, but not because they were the ultimate goal.   What kind of punishment would it be where I would be asking for a bruise?   I just couldn’t see asking for this, it was so different than any punishment.   It seemed contrary to what DD means to me.

However, part of DD is also to be open to exploration.  Explore my thoughts through sharing every thought with Mike, explore my sexuality through being open to act on my fantasies and Mike’s, and explore my boundaries regarding everything.  Thus, I could approach this outside any punishment or maintenance session and simply look at it as an experiment in testing boundaries.   So, I asked Mike if he would be willing to perform a similar punishment on me.

Mike asked me if I was wanting this out of any sense of jealously for him administering the punishment to Donna.  Wow, honestly, that never crossed my mind.  I told him I knew that it was important to Donna to stick as close to her routine as possible and I am happy I had a husband who was willing to help in doing that.  I felt a sense of pride that our DD was able to accommodate what Donna needed and that it served to further connect us with John and Donna.

Mike agreed to give me a similar session, but wanted to build the tension and anticipation and said it would be part of our maintenance session on Sunday (which is today).   In just the course of six days I saw Donna’s breasts go from the blue, to deep purple, and then to purple-yellow splotches as some of the bruising began to heal.  It made me anxious as Sunday drew near.  Could I really take it?

MY BREAST PUNISHMENT
We had my “normal” maintenance session and then Mike called Donna in to watch the “Maintenance Bonus” as we called it.  Mike got a wooden spoon to use as that is what he used on Donna.   He had me lay down on the bed and he got on his knees next to me on the bed.  He then proceeded to hit one breast four times in rapid succession, then the other.  It made me flinch something fierce but more out of an uncontrolled reflex than intolerable pain.   He had to put one arm just below my breast to help keep me in place and then gave four or five to each breast in rapid succession.   He then said that was just a warm up.

With quite a bit of force he hit one breast.  I had to grab the pillow and bury my head in it to muffle my moan.  He then hit the other.  Then again but this time two times per breast, then again but three times.  I then called, “Pause, pause, pause!!”  Our “yellow” safe word.

After I collected myself he resumed.  He did one per breast, followed by two per, then three, then four, then five, but before he could finish with the five I again called for “Pause.”  My face buried deeper into the pillows.  He asked me if I needed to stop.  He reminded me this was not a punishment, he is ready to stop whenever I am and that I don’t have to endure what Donna did.

For some reason I was at a point where I was telling myself I needed to find my pain threshold and that it was no longer about submission or fulfillment or pleasure or purging.  It was simply a battle with my will to endure pain and I wanted to challenge that will.

I told him to continue.  He repeated the one per, two per, three per, and got all the way through to five per breast.  I was crying, it hurt like hell.

I asked him how much more.   He said that maybe he was about a fourth of the way through.  That meant I had to endure everything I have already endured yet another three times.  I knew then that I was not going to make it through that, but I felt I came this far and that I could take just a little more.  I told myself I would never go down this path again as it was all just surreal and not like me, but that since I was here, I might as well push it as far as I could take it and I wasn’t quite there yet.

Mike started up again.  I don’t know how far he got but I soon called out “Mercy” (our “red” safe word).
It was over.

Many punishments come with a hodgepodge of emotions, but this one was different.  The pain overrode any joy and soon I started feeling ashamed.  Although Mike and Donna can’t read my feeling of shame, it then turned to embarrassed for feeling shameful.   I felt ridiculous.   Why did I ask for this?

AND THERE IT WAS!
Jealousy can come with an entourage of associates.  This allows it to hide more easily.   And even at that moment, while I recognized its’ presence, it had yet to fully reveal itself to me.

First, I saw that I was indeed jealous that Mike punished Donna.  Not in the act itself, but in that it was something so special, almost sacred, to Donna.  I then realized this was the second time in just a few weeks that I let jealousy and resentment cloud my judgement.  First in dealing with Kayla, then in dealing with this situation.

I should have listened to Mike when he questioned my feeling of jealously.  I should have explored that feeling more and perhaps I would have recognized it then.  I tend not to be a jealous person, so Mike wouldn’t have known to question me further and thus accepted my word.  I now shared with him that I need him to be more doubtful of my intentions when it comes to potential jealously, as for some reason I have become more prone to that emotion lately.

I apologized to Mike and to Donna for feeling jealous, and that I do want Mike to fill in for John while he is away and that I don’t want anything to change.  I told them I don’t sense the root of this has anything to do with TTWD or with TTWDWT (Those Things We Do With Them, hee hee, as in, with John and Donna). In fact, it then quickly came to me what the issue was.  Jealously had finally fully revealed itself.

JEALOUSLY FULLY REVEALED
I was feeling resentment towards the needs of my son.  I hate that about myself.  I love him dearly and will do anything to help him without hesitation.  But, I feel a bit jealous as I get closer to Kayla and see that she has so few constraints to her life day to day.  Then, with all the time spent with Donna and getting closer to her than ever, I realize that she too has far fewer responsibilities than I do.  Then there is the prognosis that this won’t ever change.  My son is likely to live with us for the rest of our lives.

It makes me feel horrible to resent that fact.  I’ve never felt that before.  I never had a sense of “why me” and accepted my lot in life without doubts or hesitation and always strive to look on the bright side and make the most out of every day.  However, this mindset has eroded as I got closer to Kayla and Donna.

Part of me feels like if I just stop being close to them I can make those feelings go away.   Another part of me says that doing that will create more resentment, not less.  Kayla and Donna are important to me.  Granted, not more important than my son, but if I forgo having other meaningful relationships in my life, the net effect can’t be positive for me or my son.   I’ve just got to get over feeling resentful that my friends, no matter how close they are, don’t share my burdens.

I feel stupid for even having to say that.  It is so contrary to how I normally think and function.  But, it is the truth and I have to accept it and address it.   I am a glass is half-full type person, so it further bums me out that I seem to be looking at this from the half-empty point of view.   I know I will work through this, and not only have Mike to lean on for support, but can also talk through this with Donna and Kayla.

I guess this pain thing actually led me to find clarity in what I was feeling and why.  !?!?!

Next: 88.  Something True.

84. Happy Place

observant

This post is mostly about Donna.  There was an “incident” this week worth sharing regarding our “experiment” with Donna staying with us while John is away. (I shared the story of when Mike went out of town in this post).   As I mentioned in another prior post, John required Donna to follow all the rules I am subject to, just as if my contract with Mike applied to her.  That lasted through yesterday and starting today she went back to her normal rules with Mike filling in for John.

Having Donna around has been wonderful.  I’ve had a lot of free time this week as the tasks get done in no time.   In addition to the helping hand from a fellow sub, I have a friend to talk with and, as a final bonus, an extra lover to share with.  As I suspected though, it has been far easier on me and Mike than it has been on Donna.  Here’s what happened:

THE INCIDENT
There was a point in the day yesterday where we weren’t quite done with our tasks when Donna proclaimed she was taking a break.  I told her I appreciated her help but the responsibility with the chores are mutual, and I prefer we finish before taking a break.  She encouraged me to take a break as well, but I told her I could not.  I didn’t want to come off as the bitch, but, I wanted to get everything done first.

I shared with her that I learned from experience that if I procrastinate, things can happen and then the tasks don’t get done.  That would be unacceptable to me and to Mike.  And – we didn’t have that much more to do anyway!   Her logic was, “Well Jen, since there isn’t that much more to do, you can just do it.”    So I did, but told her was compelled to tell Mike.

I reminded her that John asked Mike to question us about the day and specifically ask if she did her fair share.  I told her I cannot lie to Mike and would have to tell him.  I felt bad.  Donna was a huge help and I know this has been hard on her.  But, John set this rule for her and she should understand that rules from our Sirs are, well, the rules.  She wasn’t open to hearing me and flippantly said, “As long as everything is done what’s the big deal and tomorrow I can make up for it.”

I responded that I was not in a position to barter on behalf of John.  She continued to resist and said, “I’ve pretty much done my fair share today.”   I told her that this was true up to the point she sat down, but unless she gets up and helps finish things up that it would be untrue.  She shrugged me off.

In the evening when our son was watching TV, Mike pulled Donna and me aside to ask us about our day. He of course asked about the fair share of the workload.  I looked at Donna and said, “Sorry, Donna, but I have to be truthful.”  I proceeded to tell Mike what had happened.

SPANKING
Mike ordered both of us to the bedroom.  We both went to my room, disrobed, and stood in separate corners waiting for Mike.  It was a bit over an hour before he finally came in as he waited for our son to go to bed.  That was the longest I’ve ever stood in the corner and I was puzzled why I should be punished for Donna’s behavior.

When Mike came in he called us over and asked each of us bend over and he gave us each some warm ups with his hand.  He asked us why we were being punished.  Donna stated it was because she didn’t do her fair share of the work today, but for me, I had no clue.

Mike confirmed Donna explanation and added that John was explicit in his instructions and her failure to obey them by not doing her fair share was indeed why he would need to spank her.  Then, per our rules Mike administered another spanking on me for not knowing the reasons why I was being punished.  He then told me the reason. I was being punished for apologizing to Donna.   WTF?!?

Mike said that I should never apologize for my submission.  Being truthful is part of my submission and not something to apologize for.  He said my apology was basically apologizing for being submissive.  He said if my submissiveness inconveniences Donna, so be it.  No different than if Donna’s submission to John inconveniences me.   Mike said I was being punished for being disrespectful to my own submission.

Whoa!  I was a bit dumbfounded.  Part of me was thinking, “Are you serious?” while another part of me was, “Wow, Mike, how observant and creative, and yes, you are absolutely correct!”

Mike said this was a serious issue and the spanking was going to be with the prison strap.  He skipped the “Over/Under” game which was another signal to me that he was in a more serious mood about this transgression.   I got 17, then Donna got 12.

MISSING JOHN
Uncharacteristically, Donna cried and got very emotional.  She takes punishments very stoically and I’ve seen her gleefully take far worse in “fun” scenes her and John put on for us.  As I shared before, their relationship is a bit more M/s and BDSM.  I knew it wasn’t because of the sting from the spanking.

Donna apologized to me and Mike and reassured us it wasn’t anything we did.  She shared that it was hard being out of her normal routine.  In the past when John was gone she at least had her routine to keep her “observant,” as she put it.  Even though John ordered her to follow my routine, it just didn’t feel “observant” to her.   She said a part of her wanted to rebel and that was her motivation for not finishing the work.

She has been at this submissive thing much longer than me and really relies on John to keep her centered and focused.  I hadn’t really considered that submissiveness can lead to a greater dependency on the Dom.  You get so accustomed to giving such incredible focus on the needs of your Dom and being “observant” to your submission that you feel out of sync when your Dom isn’t around.

MY REFLECTIONS
I know I missed Mike when he was out of town, but I didn’t miss him the way Donna misses John.  I think having my son to focus on and still having my routine made it easy for me when Mike was gone.   Although John did task her following my rules from Sunday to Wednesday, it still didn’t feel quite like she was serving him.  She said it felt like she was serving Mike and me.

The good news was this occurred on the last day she had to adhere to the rules I have.   Today she was extremely upbeat and cheerful.  At the moment I am writing this she and Mike are over at her house getting some daily “treatment” that John usually gives her.  It involves hot wax, vibrator, whip, and sex.   What a treatment!  Afterwards Mike will come home and Donna will stay home awhile longer and Skype with John, which will include some kinky acts I am sure. Then Donna will come over and spend the night with us.

I am not sure what John has in store for her starting Sunday, as he indicated he would have further changes in routine for Donna to follow.  Both Mike and Donna will share with John what happened and the reasons why, so perhaps John won’t revert back to having her be subject to my routine and rules.  I know between Mike and John they will come up with something creative and rewarding for Donna.

Interesting, but Donna still helped out today with all my chores.  There were three major differences.  One, it was her choice to help out.  Two, she got to do them with her collar on.  Finally, she got to wear her “item of the day.”   John and Donna have a TTWD where one hour a day she has to wear the “item of the day.”   It could be a tack bra (and she has a mean looking tack bra made with upholstery tacks), butt plug, nipple/clit clamps, ankle or wrist cuffs, and I am sure I am forgetting some other things.,   Yes, sometime she has to walk around with her feet cuffed. There is enough slack that she can walk, but she has to take very small steps.  Although Mike and I haven’t tried everything they do, you can see where I get some of my ideas!

I am glad this incident resolved itself amicably.  More fun and adventure ahead!  I learned that Donna’s happy place is when she is mindful and observant to her submission.  I have identified many words in several different posts to describe my own feelings about submission – calm (Post 23), love, sexy,  and sensible (Post 27), open (Post 30),  fulfilling (Post 33), but I forgot the most basic one.

Happy!   Submission is my happy place too.

Next:  85.  Light or Dark?  Source of Submission.

57. Maintenance Session: Apologies and Back to School Sex and Submission

We just wrapped up our weekly Maintenance Session.

Spanking revisited:
We just wrapped up our Maintenance Session. I brought up the punishment that I didn’t agree with.   At first Mike resisted a bit, saying it was about my tone and not about his frustration, but then he did admit that it was both.   He said his initial trigger in spanking me was my tone, but that he was clearly frustrated and he let that frustration into the  spanking.  He said that clearly, the third set of spankings was all about his frustration, so if we were to break it down, maybe the first set was the tone, the last the frustration, and the middle a mix of both.  Regardless, he apologized and said he knows it is important to keep the Rewards focused on the goals of our Domestic Discipline and our journey into a more D/s relationship doesn’t change that.   I was relieved that we were on the same page with this.  I am not sure how easily I would have let this go if he insisted it was only about the tone I used.

Foursome revisited:
We also talked about sex with John and Donna.  We were also in agreement there.  We both shared that we enjoyed it a lot and we both felt good about the experiences.  We both admitted to a bit of shock that we were actually living out this shared fantasy – shock as in a happy and amazing way, not in an alarming and upsetting sort of way.

We both shared that we experienced this post-coital feeling shortly after orgasm where we both wish John and Donna would go away.  It’s like we just want to be with each other in that moment.  That feeling only lasted a minute or two before we were back into loving the moment with the four of us.  We found it interesting that we both shared that post-coital feeling. I wonder if that’s a common thing with couples?

Back to School – Sex and Submission
We also talked about how things should be with school back in session tomorrow.  Mike said that once I got home from dropping our son off at school, I was to take my clothes off in the garage, before I stepped into the house.  I would remain naked all day and would only get dressed to run errands or if I had visitors other than Donna.

We also talked about Donna.  Donna works part-time and we often go shopping or run errands together in the afternoon, or otherwise just hang out together.  Now that we were having sex with John and Donna, we talked about whether Donna and I could have sex without the guys.  Mike and John had already talked it over and agreed we could, but they needed to know about it.  I would text Mike with “out with Donna” whenever Donna and I were planning to have sex.  Keep in mind thus far Donna and I have never been alone with just each other, so the thought of this really excites me.

Mike said that each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday would be a “device” day where I would have to wear something from the moment I woke up until 11 a.m. (that’s about 3.5 hours).  Monday’s would be a butt plug, Wednesday would be the tack bra, and Friday would be nipple clamps.  They remain in use even if I have errands to run.  No exceptions.   I was impressed that Mike came up with this idea on his own.  In the past this would have happened only if I suggested to Mike that I was open to something kinky, and perhaps would even have to specify what it was.  Now, he is just coming up with this stuff on his own.   It shows me he is willing to be dominant.  Of course, I love not just the dominance itself, but the fact he is comfortable coming up with ways to express his dominance.

Oh – I have been working on a really nice tack bra and will have it finished by Wednesday.  I got some ideas for it online.  I used leather and an old t-shirt and cut some bra cup shapes.  I inserted 55 tacks through one leather cup and then through the cup made from the t-shirt.  The extra layer of the t-shirt gave me something softer against my breasts and added just enough material so that the tacks were still protruding pretty well, but not as much as they would be without the extra layer of material.  You can say I am cheating, but Mike agree to this, at least for now.  It isn’t intended as a “punishment bra” so the Submissive Rules Committee allows it.

I then covered the flat side of the tacks with another piece of leather to lock the tacks in place.  I used my sewing skills and stitched it all together.   One problem with the stitching is that it pulls the layers together pretty tightly, so the new “tack pad” lays pretty flat.  I ended up having to sew this pad into the bra so that it conformed to the shape of the bra cup.  I’ve got one cup done and all is left on the remaining one is to sew it into the bra.

I continue to marvel at my personal journey over the last 17 months.  It has been quite a transformation and I can honestly say it has surpassed every expectation I had.  I’ve discovered a part of me that I didn’t know existed, and a strength and dedication that I didn’t know existed.   I am living life and loving life, every moment, every day.   It still sounds odd to say it, but I owe it all to spanking – more specifically, to Domestic Discipline. 

NEXT:  Sex with Donna. . . What did I forget?

56. Family Time, Adult Time, and Easy like a Sunday Morning

What a weekend!  Family Time.
This was a great weekend.  Friday Mike took off a little early and we had a family outing.  Hit the zoo for a while, then a movie, late dinner, and then home.   Our Saturday evening was glorious for a completely different reason.  We got the sitter to come over while Mike and I had another “date night” with John and Donna.  Of course, we stayed the entire time at John and Donna’s house.    Although I enjoyed the family time as much as I did the adult time, of course, the details of the adult time are a lot more fun to read about.

What a weekend!  Adult Time.
I’ll keep the details short, but suffice to say once again I had sex with John and Donna and Mike has sex with Donna.  About the only new twist was that we had both guys with each gal separately.  Donna watched as John and Mike has sex with me, and I watched as Donna had sex with John and Mike.  I’ve had sex plenty of times with Mike while having a plug in my butt, but never had a true DP.  I enjoyed it immensely and enjoyed watching Donna get the same.

When we got home Mike told me that he wanted me to sleep in on Sunday morning.  He said he would get up and tend to our son, and then take him on a little outing and be home around 2 or 3.  He also said he would cook dinner that night.  He said I’ve been going 100 miles per hour for a couple of weeks now and he wanted to give me day to sleep in and fully recharge.  Even though he has kept me to a pretty early bedtime routine, with a few exceptions, I welcomed the offer of a respite.

Easy like a Sunday Morning.
I woke up about 8:30 a.m. and I could hear that Mike was already up with our son.  It was so nice to simply roll back over and go back to sleep.   I woke up about 9:30 as Mike was in the room.  He told me he was heading out with our son.  I told him I was ready to get up but he told me no, he wanted me to go back to sleep.  “Jen, they morning and afternoon is completely yours until I get back.  I don’t want you do anything around the house.  I want you to rest and not get out of bed for at least another hour.  When you do get up, feel free to just relax, web surf, watch tv, masturbate, journal, blog, whatever, but no housework.  I don’t even want you to feel like you need to check in with me for anything, just focus on yourself.”    “Yes, Sir!”

So, I laid there for a bit and the Lionel Ritchie song came into my head, “Easy like Sunday Morning.”  There’s a commercial out with him and Peyton Manning where they say, “Peyton on a Sunday Morning.”  I started singing to myself, “it’s Jenny on a Sunday morning.”

I felt awake, and Mike told me to stay in bed another hour.   Should I grab my journal, should I grab my vibrator?   Decisions, decisions.  Instead of deciding, my mind drifted and played back the events of the weekend.  Both the family fun on Friday and the adult fun on Saturday.  It also started thinking about the fact school starts tomorrow, so my days would become a lot freer.  I volunteer a lot at the school, but there would be a lot more time on my hands starting this week.  I started thinking of ways to best serve Mike, and before long, I fell back asleep.

I woke up just before noon.  Wow, I was very surprised I slept that long.  I guess I needed it.  I got up, got dressed, and went into the kitchen.  It was spotless. Mike had cleaned up whatever mess he might have made that morning.  Even though he told me not to do any housework, there really wasn’t any to do anyway.  I made myself some coffee and plopped down in front of the t.v.

About an hour went by and I started to feel restless.  I felt like I had to find something to do, but Mike said no housework.  I went to the computer and started writing this post.  When I write I often write a bit here and there throughout the day, and then at night I finalize it and post it.  As I was writing, I still felt a bit anxious.  I recognized that my mind was not in a submissive state and that I really missed being in that state.  Whatever hormone or chemicals that are involved, I wasn’t feeling them.

I called Mike and told him I wanted to give him the heads up that I was going to get naked, so he could text me just before he gets home so I can get dressed.  I told him I wasn’t doing any work, just web surfing and blogging, but I felt better if I were naked.  I told him I loved the day off he was giving me but needed a little something to feel submissive right now.   He whispered, “Okay, do that, but then I want you to put either the clamps on or the plug in if that would help.”  “Yes, sir, thank you for that sir.”

For some reason I really needed an order from him and even though he phrased it in a way that still left it to me.  I think I really am hooked on submission.  So, I took off my clothes and put on the nipple clamps.   Ahh, there it is, that submissive state of mind.

I don’t think Lionel Ritchie intended “Easy” to mean relaxing naked with nipple clamps on, but I would hope like any artist, he would intend for it to be defined in any way the listener wants.

This was Jenny’s version of being Easy like a Sunday Morning.

Next: 57. Maintenance Session: Apologies and Back to School Sex and Submission

48. Birth of a Dom. Backstory.

This post belongs with the post “47. Birth of a Dom.”   You should read that one up to the point it links you to this post, prior to reading this one.     

Here is an example of events from the last two days living under my Attitude Adjustment.

We woke up.  He and I exchanged “good mornings” and he immediately corrected me.   “It’s good morning, Sir.   That will be an Immediate Reward.  Stay where you are.” (Which was in bed, on my belly, and already naked).   He got up and pulled the covers off.  I didn’t count but figure he gave me about 25 and they were very firm ones by hand.   Per our Contract, Immediate Rewards are delivered quickly and without warm ups.  He then asks me why I received the Reward and I replied, “I forgot to say ‘Sir’, Sir.”

With that he gave me about another 25 very firm ones, again by hand.  This is all keeping with how Immediate Rewards are administered per the Contract.  Spanking, state the reasons for it, then final spanking.  There was appropriate after care and that was that.

Then it was on to the Calisthenics of Doom
As per our morning ritual under our “Attitude Adjustment” period, I got out of bed and immediately dropped to the floor into “push-up” position ready to receive another spanking.  However, Mike had a twist.  Normally the “push up” spankings are where I am in the push up position while he spanks me, I don’t actually do push-ups.  If my knees touch, the spanking starts over.  This time he told me I had to actually do a push up between spankings.  I am not in the greatest shape, plus I am getting spanked, so 10 is not that easy for me, especially when he is spanking me slowly and I have to hold the position a long time.  He used his belt.  The first time I got to 7 and then barely touched the floor with a knee.  The second time and third time I only got to 5.  After that my arms were getting tired.  I only made it to four, then to just three.  That’s 24 spankings!   He said I would get another 24 since I couldn’t finish.  He had me get up and bend over and hold my ankles.  If I let go, the 24 would start over.  This time he used the new 12’ oak paddle with holes and was striking fairly firmly and rapidly.

This paddle is not too bad but he was doing them quickly so the stings rapidly multiplied, and keep in mind I already received 50 by hand and 24 with the belt.  I had to use our safe word to take a pause a little more than half-way through.  I regained myself and made it through the rest without incident.  He said that each morning would be like this until I could make it through the 10 push-ups.  Suffice to say, I willed myself through all 10 push-ups every day since.

Once the push-ups were done, it was on to the Jumping Jacks.  This is where he puts these nipple clamps on me that are a little heavy and I have to do 10 jumping jacks in a row.  The jumping jacks will stop if I can’t make it to 10, but then I earn 10 spankings for every jumping jack I didn’t do.  I have never made it past 5 before as the heavy clamps are just too much.    Anyway, after already being spanked very firmly 98 times now, I was going to try my best to get all the way to 10.  I made it to 8, a personal best, before I just had to put my arms down and grab my bend over from the pain.  Mike then told me to bend over and rest my elbows on the bed to, “Get the 20 I owed him.”   A term he hadn’t used before.   This time he used a rubber paddle, that is sort of half-way like a wooden paddle and half-way like a strap, but the texture seems to have more of a bite as it always makes me a bit raw.

That’s 118 spankings to start the morning.  That got the heart pumping and blood flowing better than a triple expresso, with the added pain/pleasure of my ass pulsating throughout breakfast.

Once the calisthenics were done, I got up and immediately got out the tack bra and put it on, as expected of me during this Attitude Adjustment period.

Now let me digress a bit about the bra. . .

I’ll get back to the experience that morning in a moment, but first want to relate what happened the day before regarding the bra.  After several inspections of my breasts upon removing the bra, Mike decided they weren’t poking me enough.  I would have little red dots here and there, and a few light scratches here and there, but he felt that didn’t reflect a very high level of discomfort.  Hate to admit it, but he was right.  While I was always feeling their presence, they only a minor nuisance except for an occasional poke when I would reach up, or bend a certain way, or if something pressed up against my chest.  The tacks were not in very firmly so there was some give to them.   While that was good from a poking perspective, it did mean they would sometimes shift to the side and scrape instead of poke.  They did actually stick me sometimes where I have pull them out, but they don’t go deep.  I never drew blood.

After his inspection Mike added 10 more tacks to each cup, making it 45 in each and even carefully lined some up to come out at around my nipples – an area I had purposely avoided putting any.  Once he made the adjustment I found it was just too much on my sensitive nipples and one was really sticking one of my nipples.  My dilemma was what to say to him.  While I can’t complain, I am compelled to be honest and to share what I am feeling, so, with that I said as matter-of-factly as possible,

“Sir, while they can stay if you want them do, the tacks near my nipples are proving challenging.   I think my reaction when they poke or scrape will cause our son to ask more questions, and they also may prevent me from doing certain tasks without serious injury.”

There.  I said it without asking him anything or complaining.  Just the facts!  He then gave me a choice.

“Okay Jen, you can adjust them, but first, come here.”

He looked me straight in the eyes as his hands went up my shirt and over my bra.  He firmly squeezed and said, “Count to 10.”

I was shocked as this seemed unnecessary and mean.  I already said they were hard to deal with and I had not even had it on for very long.  Now he presses them into me?

I didn’t argue and started counting.

Once to 10 he said, “Okay, take it off and make your adjustments.”

I took off my shirt and as I removed my bra, there were several that had pierced my skin, enough that when I let go of the bra it stayed pinned to my tits.  He watched as a plucked the three or four that had penetrated each breast and then casually said, “Make your adjustments and get it back on.”

This really shocked me as it seemed punitive and mean.  Had this been prior to our argument I know I would have said something.  I again did my best to dismiss the increasing thoughts I was having that he was just being mean and he must be angry at something.  Despite those feelings I didn’t say anything other than, “Yes, Sir.”

Okay, back to the morning experience.

I put on the bra and we went about our morning routine.  Our son was still asleep so it was just Mike and I that were awake.  I had just made some eggs and was walking the plate over to the table when Mike walked in the kitchen.  Suddenly he took my wrist and walked me to our bathroom.  He had never grabbed me in such a way before.   He had me pull down my pants as he grabbed the hairbrush and gave me 20 quick ones.  It was another Immediate Reward.  ? ? ?   I am supposed to state what I did wrong, but honestly I didn’t know.  That meant another 20 quick ones.  Then Mike explained I had left egg shells in the sink.  I rudely told him that I hadn’t started cleaning yet.

He then told me to bend over and he gave me another 20 quick ones.  At least I was able to explain why.

“I should not have talked back, Sir.”

He lectured and said I am not to create extra work and the moment I put the eggs in the sink I should have made sure they were down the drain and not left them behind for even a minute later.  He then gave me 20 more as the end of the Immediate Reward for the egg shell issue, and then gave me 20 more as the end of the Immediate Reward for talking back.  That’s right, it was 100 with the hairbrush.  I already had 118 to start the morning.  I got the normal aftercare and “all is forgiven” and then he went to have his breakfast.

I was dumfounded, and my ass was sore.  218 in about a thirty minute period is a lot for me, and all of them were very firm ones.  I felt like crying because by this time my suspicions that he was mad were no longer just suspicions.  He had to be mad at me and he had never given punishments before in anger.

When he left for work, it was only about 10 minutes to 8:00.  As part of my “Adjustment,” once he is ready to leave for work I can remove my bra and he will put clips on my nipples.  I have a small, somewhat discreet pair that hide well under the right clothing.  They have a little screw mechanism that tightens or loosens the pinch they can deliver.   When Mike said he was about ready to leave it was my cue to go to the bedroom and remove my shirt and bra and have the clamps in my hand ready to give to Mike.  Mike came in and put the clamps on and gave them a couple of extra twists so they were really tight.  He said, “Since they only have to be on for 10 minutes, they should be extra snug.”   Then he kissed me goodbye and left for work.

I was tempted to loosen them.  Not because it was unbearable, but I felt the entire morning was full of anger and spite on his part, so in spite I should loosen them, or even just remove them.  But I didn’t.  Despite what I was feeling, enough of me was still saying to trust Mike and stick with the program.

I set my alarm on my phone to go off every hour so I can add/remove whatever is required.  I am also required to text Mike with simply, “Made the change.”  Mike did check up on my sometimes, requiring me to Facetime with him and show him that yes, I made the change.  While Mike never set a strict time, he did say that I was not to ever swap items early and could deviate by being late by no more than a “few minutes.”   Other than any Facetime check-in’s this was the honor system, but our DD requires me to be honest, and I am committed to being honest.

That afternoon I had some errands to run and had my son with me.  I was out for a few hours and it was kind of comical as it came time to swap something out.  Finding a restroom is easy enough, but sometimes timing things would be a challenge.  If I had to be in a line that I could tell could take 10 minutes, but only had 5 until “changing” time, do I risk it?  Nope, I’d find some reason to putter around for another five minutes, then have to find the restroom, then got in line.  I had to tell my son my tummy was a bit upset, thus the many bathroom breaks.  I had already told him that my occasional flinch or shriek from the tacks was due to a sore back that would twinge when I moved just right.  Oh the things we have to tell our kids in order to live our DD lifestyle!

So it was about 3:45 and I was ready to head home.  I was about maybe 10 minutes from home, 15 max, so I felt like I could make it home by the 4pm “change.”  It was either that or wait around 15 minutes, find a bathroom, and then leave for home.  I had enough of that and I knew I could make it, so I headed home.

Damn traffic!

There was a stop light that was malfunctioning that caused traffic to back up.  When I got home I rushed to my room and took the clamps off and got my plug in and looked at the time, 4:12.  Not too bad.

I texted Mike, “Change made.”

He texted back, “Coming home now.”

I wasn’t sure if that was in response to me being late, or he was just letting me know he was getting off early.  Given the events of the morning, I was reading anger into his text, so suspected it was the former, not the latter.

When he got home he greeting me and our son as usual.  Some relief on my part, until he whispered in my ear, “You need to go to your room.  I want you naked and kneeling in corner. Lock the door and get up only to let me in.”

When our son is home I don’t undress while waiting for Mike to come to the room to give me a spanking.  This is in case our son happens to walk in the room while I am waiting.   Once Mike is in the room I will disrobe as we will have locked the door.  This was different.  By itself no big deal, but again, it just seemed like he was looking for ways to be mean and mess with routine.

He knocked on the door and I got up and let him in.

He said, “Back to the corner.”

“Yes, Sir,” I responded.

He got out of his work clothes then came out and said 12 minutes late was not acceptable.  At this point I was frustrated with the entire day’s events and had to say something.  I knew I shouldn’t try to make excuses for being late, so I instead just simply said, “Sir, what’s wrong, you seem angry?”

He called me over from the corner and said, “I am not angry, I would never punish you in anger.  Now you know you are not to speak when you are in the corner and you are not to question a punishment.  You have your Maintenance Session on Sunday where you can ask for clarification.   Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir,” I responded.

“Do you know why you are receiving this Reward,” he asked?

“Yes, Sir, I was late taking the clamps off and putting the plug in.  And I talked while I was in the corner.”

“Correct, that’s two Rewards.  Get the Prison Strap,” he ordered.

He had me lay on my stomach on the bed.   He said these were going to be very hard ones but would just be five.   He went and turned the shower on and the TV on in our room to help muffle the noise.  Thus far we’ve been able to execute all Rewards without raising questions from our son about noise.

While my ass was no longer pulsating for the 218 from the morning, it was still very sensitive.   The first whack caused me to bury my face deep into a pillow, and the second one caused me to scream into the pillow.  Yes, there was pain, but despite what Mike said, I still felt these were angry spankings.  Along with the pain was worry and yes, for the first time ever, a bit of fear.

I got through the five but was crying quite heavily.   Mike told me to stay in the room, get the Wand and masturbate, then shower and relax.  He was going to take our son with him to go pick up dinner and bring it home so I wouldn’t have to cook.

While not having to cook was a nice gesture, I wasn’t in a masturbating mood, but girls, that changes almost instantly when you touch that wonderful wand to your clit.   As lovely as climaxing is, and as relaxing as the shower was, I was still worried about Mike’s behavior.

That evening we had our dinner and I got our son to bed.  When I got out to the living room Mike immediately tells me to go to my room, get naked, and wait for him kneeling in the corner.   I thought, but didn’t say it, “WTF, what now?”   I went to the room, disrobed, and stood in the corner.  He kept me waiting for thirty minutes.

I let him in the room and went back to my corner to await instructions.  He didn’t say anything.  He went to use the bathroom then came out and turned on the TV and watched for another fifteen minutes or so.   My knees were hurting as our hard floors are not ideal for extended kneeling.

Finally he turns off the TV and calls me over.  He didn’t ask me why I was about to be punished, as he clearly knew I had no clue.

He said, “Since I’ve been home you’ve been sulking. Your blank stares and expressionless responses to things are displeasing to me.  No doubt you are aware, as I am sure your ass is fully aware as well, that I have been strict lately.  Did you think I would let that sulking go unpunished?”

“No, sir,” I replied.

“Well, I will let it go.  I will make this one last exception.  Let me explain.”

? ? ? I was perplexed? ? ?

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