296. Piercings and Pubes

If you haven’t figured out by now, I lack an ability to be succinct.   I am not one to say in a few words what I can exhaustively analyze, deconstruct, and put back together in hundreds of words.  See, even then I couldn’t just leave it as an inability to be succinct.

I thought this would be a quick post.  Simply to state that I let my nipple piercings close and have been growing my pubic hair.    

Done.  End of post!

Not.

JEN IS EMBARRASSED?
I am not one to normally feel self-conscious about things, whether it is what people think about TTWD, or about my appearance, or really about anything.   However – I found myself becoming more self-conscious about my nipple piercings and pubic hair.  

It’s ironic that our nudism was part of the trigger for this uneasiness.  After all, I’ve found that nudism makes you less self-conscious and more accepting of your body.   Yeah, I get it.  I can try to rationalize away my uneasiness, but sometimes, you just can’t.  You feel what you feel and you just have to deal!  Emotions don’t care about logic.   

Pre-nudism, my piercings and pubic hair were private and limited to the purview of those involved in TTWD.  But now that we are full-fledged nudists, well, it ain’t so private anymore!  And had a growing self-perception was that I was putting out a message that didn’t represent me or my thoughts.  Something had to change.  Those thoughts weren’t changing, so, the piercings had to go, and the hair had to return. 

HAIR DOWN THAIR
For the longest time, Mike had me and Kayla with the same “look” down there, whether it be hair or no hair.  But then Mike went through a phase where he had one of us sporting one look while the other sports another.  “Visual variety” as he calls it!   Um, okay, as if our different physiques weren’t visual enough.  Mine is not to question why.  Mine is but to do or get spanked!   lol

My self-consciousness over this started when I was bare and Kayla was bushy.  It started to feel to me like I was putting out the perception that I was trying too hard to do what the young folks do.  

And it wasn’t just my mind comparing myself to Kayla.  When we are at T & E’s farm, I am often the only one bare down there.   At times the 17-year old has been bare, but it messes with my mind either way.  When she is bare, I feel like I am trying to “style” myself after the teenager.  When she doesn’t, it compounds my self-consciousness that I am the odd one.  

NIFTY 50
Part of what was going through my mind is that I am going to be 50 later this year.  I also think my tattoo added another wrinkle to a weakened psyche.  Not to say a 50-year old can’t rock a new tat along with her nipple piercings and bare pussy. . . but THIS 50-year old?  Why do I want piercings drawing more attention to my vein-marbled-droopy-boobies along with looking like I am trying really hard to “compete” with Kayla?

Adding to what was influencing my emotions — I am only around naked women who are younger than me, and sometimes much younger.  Kayla is the 24-year old with the awesome figure, yet no nipple piercings.  (She did pierce her nipples and clit shortly after moving in with us, but let them close-up only after a few months).  

Again, I get it.  I know there is nothing wrong with anyone of any age piercing whatever they want to pierce, or having their pubic hair in whatever shape or length that they want, or getting a new tattoo at any age.    It was just for me, all this added up to something my psyche wasn’t comfortable with it. 

THE GUYS?
For whatever reason, the pube situation in the men and boys has no influence over my uneasiness.  If you are keeping score, you can mark down Mike as one who goes back and forth with his look.  Frankly, he would probably leave it grown out but Kayla enjoys shaving him and he never refuses when she asks.  And as for other menfolk, it’s a mixed bag of various looks from bare to full to all things in-between.  

MIKE’S SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS
In discussing this with Mike, he shared that he also was starting to feel a bit self-conscious about the pube thing, but with Kayla.  He said the first time we were around others and Kayla was bare and I wasn’t, he started to think others might be inclined to think he wants Kayla to look like a little girl.  Like, it isn’t enough that she is so much younger than him, and is very youthful in her physique, but she makes herself look more like a little girl.  Wow, that never crossed my mind, but once he said it, I too had a hard time getting it out of my mind.

REFLECTION
We both know that the chances are good these thoughts are only in our mind and not what others are thinking.  And even if they aren’t thinking such things, so what?  Right?  Well, again, you can’t rationalize away some thoughts.   

It would be different for us if the “others” we are talking about were strangers at a nudist beach or kink-friends involved in TTWD.   But we are a family of nudists in a growing family of nudists.  I think that’s why, in this particular situation, I am more sensitive to thinking about what others might be thinking. 

I don’t mind people thinking odd or ill thoughts of me regarding our relationship with Kayla or any aspect of TTWD that they may be privy too.   If they don’t like it, well, too bad.   But, it bothers me to think that others may believe that I feel I am in competition with Kayla, and it bothers Mike to think others may believe he is into little girls.   To be clear, no one has ever indicated or implied any such things.   These are just things in our minds, but they are powerful enough that we have addressed them. 

And don’t think I am some fragile self-conscious timid and insecure person.   I am not.  But when it comes to my nipple piercings and my bare pubic area —  well, guilty!  

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW?
So piercings are gone and hair is growing back. 

I remain committed to sporting whatever type of pubic hair, or lack thereof, that Mike wishes, and will pierce whatever part of my body he wants me to pierce.  But for now, he has allowed me to remove the piercings.  And he had Kayla shave so that both she and I were bare together, and then we both have been growing it in for about a month now.

I sense at some point I will look back at this and not relate to feeling self-conscious and find my feelings silly.  But frankly, it is not up to me anyway.  I will share with Mike whatever it is I am felling at whatever time he may ask about it, and will abide by his demands.   I just hope he doesn’t ask for a bejeweled butterfly a la the image I used on this post!  Then again, maybe I can usher in a new trend for the newly 50-somethings!

Next: Post 297. Love without Limits.  My Ode to Blogging. 

284. The family commune – Give nudism a chance

I’ve got some “DD” things to share, but had this post half written so thought I’d finish it up before going on to kinkier things!    By the way, our party (283. We are three), is tonight.  All the preparations are done and it looks like the weather is going to cooperate.

I was having another one of those in-depth conversation with one of my sisters regarding my choices in life.   Yes, it had many of the same questions and issues she raised previously (Post 200. Balloons and Submission for one).     But this time, most of her concerns centered around nudity.   Her concerns were prompted by the fact that T&E’s home (my son and soon-to-be daughter-in-law) has jokingly become the “family commune.”

That is, it’s a place people in the family go to get away and relax.  I shared previously that the they bought a house on about 50 acres, and plan to have a small farm — beehives, some pigs, and chickens.  Both of them work full time jobs, so the farm is more a hobby and will be fairly small in scale.  Oh, and by the way, their wedding is in two weeks.

I also shared that E grew up in a naturist family — both her parents grew up that way and their relatives on both side are immersed in the naturist lifestyle with few exceptions.   T has adopted this, and subsequently so have we.   You can read all about this in several posts I’ve made —   227. Naturism Rant, 233. Meet the Nudies, 242. On the Nudie Farm, 250. The Nude Normal,  252.  Naked Caravan,   255. Vacation Naked,  264. Won’t you be my (nude) neighbor?

Wow, has this turned into a nudist blog?  Ha!

Anyway — as shared in 252. Naked Carvan, many of my nieces and nephews made the trek to T&E’s house in part to chip in and help out with renovations and clearing some of the land, and in part to just have fun and hang out.   Most of them are young adults ranging from early 20’s to early 30’s.  One niece, my sister’s daughter, is 17.   And yes, when in Rome, you do as the Romans do…or in this case, when at T&E’s, you do as the nudist’s do.  They all got naked. 

Since that initial visit, it’s a rare weekend that T&E don’t have some guests — one of T’s cousin’s spending a day or two.  Sometimes they even bring a friend.  And far from feeling intruded upon, T&E both love this as they like the idea of their house being a gathering place.   And despite some reservations, there are times my sister has allowed her 17-year old to visit and spend a day or even night on the farm – and she has also brought a friend with her (female friend). 

Well, unbeknownst to my sister, on one of her daughter’s day trips to the farm she went with her boyfriend.  My niece eventually told her mom (my sis) after the fact, and it didn’t sit well with her.   My sister knows her daughter is having sex, so it isn’t that fact that disturbs her.  It is just the idea of “flaunting their bodies” in front of each other and the “obviously sexually charged atmosphere” of it all.

MY NUDISM RANT
My sisters are pretty good at pushing my buttons and sending me on a rant (120. Is this submissive a feminist? MAGA rant).  And so I proceeded along the lines of what I posted in Post 227. Naturism Rant. 

In her mind, the get-a-ways to the farm are nothing more than a sex filled day of debauchery.   I tried to explain that nudism and sex are distinct, and in fact, nudism serves to de-sexualize nudity, not hyper-sexualize it.

I told my sister her reaction is based on preconceived notions about nudity that conjure up feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, and sex.  Heck, even the bible tells us about the moment humans first “realized” they were naked, quickly followed by the moment they were first ashamed of being naked. 

In her mind, showing off a naked body sends out sexual signals that threaten the security of relationships and mankind.   And what better way to suppress nudity than to use shame, as shame is the ideal emotion to enforce any code of conduct.  Shame sucks – and we tend to want to avoid feeling it at all costs.

Well, whether it is shame of nakedness or shame over our kinks or shame over anything else —  we are not born with shame.  Instead, we learn it.   And the shame we learn is artificial — there should be no shame in it.  It only exists because we agree it exists and we agree it exists as a way of controlling conduct.  (And you can easily substitute the word “sin” for “shame,” but I won’t go there).

At one time I was right there with sis  – I felt the shame in it as well.  Hell, I know that is exactly why we made nudity part of my duties in my DD.  It was a way to feel some degree of shame or humbleness.   Well, since adopting nudism, I do not get any “kink” or “submissive” satisfaction from being naked.  That “shame” feeling has been purged.

And nothing changed, except my perception – which is what makes “shame” such a false feeling when it comes to nudity.  There is nothing shameful about it.   Only your perception makes it so.    And to justify that feeling, we then attach all sorts of terrible things to nakedness — it must be sexual, it must be prurient, it must weaken the fibers of society, it must be a contributor to all that is bad, etc, etc.   Well that’s just crap, and I told her so. 

Not to be so naive, I did concede that sure, her daughter might have had sex when she went to T&E’s with her boyfriend, no more than they might do so anytime they have the chance.  I mean, they are teenagers!    But if they did, it wasn’t because of the nudity.  

Ultimately, I urged my sister to spend a day at T&E’s, nude herself.   And not just holed up in their house, but go about the property, visit with E’s cousin’s (who live next door – 233. Meet the Nudies,  Even go there with her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend!

I said that knowing that while she might give it a try herself, there was no way she would do so with her daughter’s boyfriend along.  But my sister surprised me.  “Okay, if V (her husband) is up for it, we’ll make a go at it, including inviting her boyfriend.”   My jaw dropped.  I thought she was kidding.  But not only wasn’t she kidding, but she actually followed through.  

To make a long story short — they spent a weekend at T&E’s – two days/one night.   

SIS GETS NAKED
My sister came back with mixed reviews, but with some changes in her attitude about nudism.  She agreed she was starting to feel more comfortable and less self-conscious towards the end, but still wasn’t fully comfortable.  However, she really focused on everyone else and could see just how “normal” everyone else treated the nudity around them.  She could see that there weren’t “sexual sparks flying around.”  She even admitted there was an element of fun for her and her husband.   

And she admitted her self-consciousness started to morph towards self-affirmation regarding her body image.  She is a little overweight, and is 57, so was admittedly uneasy.   And while she never got 100% comfortable, the comfort she saw in others made her want to try this again and get to their level of comfort.

I am so proud of her for being willing to “risk it” and give this go.   She also had wonderful things to say about T&E and had many of the same wonderful observations that I already shared about E’s cousin’s (The Nudies).

A few days after my sisters return from T&E’s, she said she looks forward to visiting them again some time soon, and, told me that perhaps they would join us if we decided to do a nude vacation again. 

Wow.  I am so surprised, but elated.   It reconfirmed my experience that nudism is addicting, and after a surprisingly very little adjustment period, feels so natural and so uplifting.   You become a walking self-affirmation and have this tremendous sense of freedom, a sense of being one with the people and nature around you.   I believe this is why Mike took to it, much to my surprise, and why my sister seems to taking to it, even more to my surprise!

I definitely recommend everyone give nudism a try. 

NEXT: 285. Curfew and Spanking the Jelly?

264. Won’t you be my (nude) neighbor?

A few posts back I mentioned Mike tasked me with talking to some of our neighbors to basically get their permission to allow us to be naked in our backyard.  Asking their permission seems to be the neighborly thing to do.

BREAKING THE LAW!?
Surprise!  In my state, Texas, there are no state laws prohibiting women from being topless.  However, if you are causing a disturbance you risk a charge of disorderly conduct or even public lewdness or indecent exposure.

In the context of our nudity, such charges are rare and often end up being thrown out (not that I want to go through the stress of being charged).  Typically these charges are dismissed as codes specifically refer to “sexual acts.”  Nakedness, by itself, is not defined as sexual.  Interesting that the law gets it, but general society doesn’t!  

However, the codes do refer to nakedness in regards to genitals.  Some codes prohibit exposing “genitalia.”  The good news there is breasts aren’t genitals.  How nice that our laws recognize that breasts are not sexual organs!   But, there is some risk of charges if you are naked “down there.”  Where charges tend to get made and tend to stick is when there was clear sexual intent, gratification, arousal, etc., going on.  That is not the context for our nudity.  

There are some cities in Texas that have codes that explicitly allow women to be topless — anywhere in the city!   In most cities it isn’t explicitly allowed, it just isn’t explicitly prohibited.  Breastfeeding, nude sunbathing, or public urination have been held up in courts as NOT constituting indecent exposure.  And most jurisdictions are not aggressive in trying to broadly interpret the codes as such interpretations typically fail in court.  Basically, if no one complains, no action is taken.  

The lack of aggression in trying to inforce the “nudity” statutes may also come from the fact not too many people try to push the boundaries.  Despite nothing prohibiting it, I haven’t seen or heard of anyone walking topless in public  (now Mike, don’t get any ideas!).  

Ultimately, most of the prohibition is focused on whether or not the naked person was reckless in failing to consider whether or not someone who is present will be offended or alarmed – thus, asking the neighbors is not just neighborly, it is legally prudent.

Simply put, if no one complains, nothing happens.  If someone complains, it is unlikely anything will happen.  In the rare cases you are charged, it often gets thrown out.  But, because some of these codes fall under “sex crimes,” it is very intimidating to want to try and test the waters as to what the codes permit.  And because the legality is often left up to whether or not someone was “offended or alarmed,” well, you can see why it can be risky.  

Despite this, my security-conscious private-person-of-a-husband, Mike, feels confident in our moving forward with this.  He is as taken to nudism as I am and feels strongly that we should be comfortable mowing our yard naked, sitting on our patio naked, or walking to and from our shed naked.  No one can really see us from our patio except maybe our heads – unless they go out of there way to peer over the fence.  And where our bodies can be seen, we typically will be moving thus any glimpses will be fleeting — and mostly from the mid-belly upwards — again, unless someone goes out of there way to peer over the fence.

MINI-RANT
There’s this line I’ve heard that goes something like, “Our sexuality is taken from us, commercialized, then sold back to us at a price.”  A comment that society demonizes our sexuality (especially women), then packages it and sells it to us at a price. In other words, it is only accepted if someone else can profit from it.    Want to fill our kids with images of sexual suggestiveness, even combine it with violence?   Sure thing, every single day, no problem!  Allow anyone to see a naked body in a non sexual way?  No way, never, what’s wrong with you?!? Oh, I can go on a major rant.  But I won’t.   Check out www.freethenipple.com.

On to see the neighbors. . . 

NEIGHBOR #1
They live next door.  A couple about my age, soon-to-be-empty-nesters with just one child at home – she is 18, just graduated high school and will be attending school away from home in the fall.  Four other kids ranging from age 20-25, and some of them drop in frequently.

They have several different vantage points into our yard, but each one only provides a limited view.  They would have to stand in the middle of their yard in order to get the best view.  

I talk to the wife quite a bit, typically a short hello as we pull in or out of our driveways, but occasionally more meaningful dialogue.  I feel good about talking to her about this.  She immigrated from Spain, she is an artist, and just has this vibe where I sensed she was going to be fine with this.   She was.  

She shared she had been to nudist beaches and resorts in Europe when she was younger.  Her and her husband even took their two eldest kids back when they were little.  It was never thought of as a “trip to the nudist beach,” it was simply, “going to the beach.”   They stopped going simply because they moved and it wasn’t convenient to seek out a nude beach and the nudism wasn’t something they felt compelled to pursue.  And she didn’t even think of their nudity in the home as being “nudism.”  It was simply, “not being dressed yet.”

She shared that they last went to a nude beach about six years ago when their eldest daughter was looking at colleges.  They stayed in San Diego and went to a beach that had a nude section.  They were intrigued, so the whole lot of them went to the “nude section” and all got naked.  At that time the kids ranged from about 11 to 18.

Yep – her family doesn’t have any issues with nudity.  Oh – and it just so happens, San Diego is where T2 moved, so, humm…perhaps if we visit him we need to find that beach!

She assured me she was fine with us being naked in our own back yard, that her husband would concur, and her daughter would be fine.  Her only concern was that she asked me to be open to any requests for us to be clothed in the event they were expecting guests who may be “offended or alarmed.”   Of course!

That was easy!

NEIGHBOR #2.
She lives directly behind us.  I don’t know her very well.  She is in her late 50’s, retired high school teacher.  She is divorced, lives alone, and has two older daughters, each with a child under two.  Both daughters visit frequently with their kids and spouses (one is married to a man, the other to a woman).  

Her view into our yard is basically from about the shoulders up, except for one area where she could see from about the belly button on up.

She was surprised — “Like, naked naked. As in, no clothes at all naked?”   Yep, that’s the kind of naked I was talking about.   But she also appeared comfortable.

She then joked, “What’s in our water?  Do you know my next-door-neighbors are nudists?”

Yep, her neighbor, who is diagonal to my backyard, are nudists.  They have a little higher fence then everyone else… perhaps 8 foot instead of 6.  They also have one side of their yard with this dark black mesh extending above the fence about another two feet.  I assumed it was to block the sun, but apparently, it also serves to block the view.  They also have a large shed and tree in the corner adjacent to my yard, so views to and from that yard into mine are zero – but I hear kids in their swimming pool all the time.

She says she knows the family very well and has no qualms about what they do.  She said she can’t see a thing from her house so she wouldn’t even know when and if they are naked.

Wow!.  I was ready to pinch myself.  2 for 2!  How can I be so fortunate?  This was too easy!  HOWEVER. . . .

NOT THAT!
She asked me so, “So, we are talking about just you and your husband?”

I shared that J may be out at times and might be nude, and that we have friends and family members, young and old, who are nudists.  It’s rare that we hang out in the backyard when they are over, but, it is always possible.

And then — I explained who Kayla was – after all, we aren’t hiding her relationship.

My revelation seem to shake her a bit, and she started back-peddling on her comfort level with our nudism.  It was if my poly situation suddenly made my nudism something shameful.  While news of my inferred-bisexuality may have been news to her, she has a gay daughter, so I assumed that wasn’t the issue.  It was simply the thought of having this “open” marriage and “What about J?”

It prompted many questions – similar to those I posted about here.  The difference is that instead of answering those questions from my sisters or other people who were a bit more connected to me, this neighbor is not much more than stranger.  Even though they were the same questions, they felt a lot more “judgey.”

The discussion was very civil, but I did feel judged.  But in the end, I felt good about it.  She was very nice and while my news shook her a bit, seemed to shrug it off with, “whatever floats your boat.”  I was proud I didn’t hesitate to share who Kayla was and what she meant to Mike and I.  It isn’t something to be shameful of.  And I felt good that ultimately, she accepted it, albeit after some discussion.

Not that I needed her acceptance, but, don’t we all feel better when others accept us, regardless who they are?   I think I just needed to convince her my request that day wasn’t about asking to host orgies in my backyard.  And odd she didn’t need that convincing until I brought up Kayla.

NUDISM AND KINK
My convo with Neighbor 2 hit on something I have been becoming increasingly sensitive to.  Yes, you can describe my DD, D/s, and poly as kinky – I accept they are all unusual aspects of my life.  And I accept that nudism is also unusual. 

It is also unusual to have a special needs child.  It it unusual to have a husband who can work a lot from home.  It is unusual that I’ve been able to be a stay-at-home mom for around 20-years.  It is unusual that T1 is not my biological son.

Just because there is something that is “not the norm” about a given aspect of my life, doesn’t mean that it should serve, by itself, as a value-statement or that it is automatically connected to some other aspect of my life.   

My “kink” is no more related to my nudism than it is related to many other aspects of my life.  E would have come into my son’s life without my kink, and we would have been introduced to her lifestyle.  I believe we would have embraced it, even if we were still “vanilla.”  I will concede that, because of DD, our relationship and mindset is more open to at least considering avant-garde ideas, but nudism?  We would have tried it even if we were still vanilla – and I know we would have loved it just the same. 

NOT A GOOD NUDIST ADVOCATE
The issue I have tried to be sensitive to, and that my neighbor reinforced, is that I think I do the idea of nudism a disservice when I write about it.  My blog is not just “a day in the life” of Jennifer.  It is a blog about Domestic Discipline and my relationship with Kayla, and all the other various unusual things (aka kinks) I experience. 

It has crossed my mind that my writing about nudism could feed into the false notion that nudism is connected to something sexual, naughty, or forbidden.   It is none of those things.

I feel bad knowing so many people connect nudity with lust, shame, and a host of nothing but negative or “sinful” feelings.  There was a time I felt all those as well – and I cherish the fact I don’t any longer, and that I am surrounded by people who don’t feel that way either.  But sharing things (kink) that others would also label as lust, shame, and a host of other negative or “sinful” feelings ends up connecting the two.  

Because I do thing you may not approve – fine, judge me on those things.
Because I may do things you may not approve of while wearing sneakers – fine, judge me on those things and don’t judge my sneakers.
Because I may do things you may not approve of while naked – fine, judge me on those thing and do not judge my nakedness.

Of course, people won’t care about my sneakers as they have no conditioning to connect my sneakers with judgmental, “oh, you are one of those” type thoughts (although I do know some people who are pretty passionate about Nike’s).   Also, I don’t value my sneakers enough for to me to care if people think ill of them.  But nudism?  Many people will care, and I value my families’ embrace of nudism  – so I do care if people think ill of it.

THE NUDE NORMAL
The good news — my neighbors!  I am grateful my neighbors do not think ill of it.  And thus, our nakedness in our backyard begins!

As for me writing about it, well, we will just have to see.   I’d love to write about it in a way that shows how beneficial and normal it is, but a “kink” blog is not a good place to normalize anything, except kink!

Speaking of “normal” — Kink is waaaay more normal than people want to admit.
DD, D/s, poly, swinging, or whatever else you want to label as being part of my life — my writing doesn’t normalize it in terms of getting people to think about doing it…it’s been thought of since the dawn of mankind.   What I hope it does is hopefully normalize it in terms of people being willing to admit what they already do or admit that they want to do it.  In other words, it removes the shame and other negative stigma’s and replaces them with happiness, joy, fulfillment, contentment, and so on.

The fact you found my blog and are reading it tells me you have some level of interest, even if you don’t partake!  And you are “normal” either way.

Next: 265. Joy without submission?

250. The Nude Normal

Part of my mid-April slow down in posts was due to me having to deal with some health issues.  Lots of doctors appointments!  Turned out it wasn’t something too serious – a pinched nerve that responded well to PT and the yoga has also helped.  Add to that – I am now officially pre-menopausal, that is, I am in perimenopause.  What joy!

The combination of odd neurological issues I was having from the pinched nerve, along with the plethora of perimenopausal symptoms, had me concerned that something serious was going on.  So it actually was joyful to find out it wasn’t something chronic.

Don’t cry over spilled milk. . . instead, go naked!
We (me, Mike, Kayla, and J) were at the dinner table when J spilled a large glass of milk on his lap.  I asked Kayla to help him get his pants off and I would go grab a towel as I didn’t want him dripping milk down the hall as his pants were soaked.  When I came back with some towels, he was totally naked.  J decided to remove his underwear and Mike figured there was no need to make an issue of it.  It was for the best anyway as the milk went down and through his pants.  

We got him cleaned up enough and he went to the restroom to wipe down with a washcloth so as not to be sticky and return before his food was cold.  I walked into the bathroom to see if he needed help as well as to bring him clean clothes.  He said he wanted to just stay naked.  His reasoning was he was just going to take a shower after dinner anyway, and he sleeps naked (that’s a recent development), so, why bother putting on clothes he will only have on for about twenty minutes? 

Why bother indeed!  “Okay, that makes sense.  You’ll need to convince your dad though so I’ll hang on to these clothes.”  And we walked back to the dinner table.  J explained himself, and even added, we’ve eaten naked before (at E’s cousin’s), so why not now?  Mike said, “Well, okay, then,” in this tone that implied, “Well, you thoroughly thought that out, I’ve got nothing to counter with, so sure, why not.” 

So J sat down and dinner continued.  Then a few minutes later J said, “Dad, you said we can be naked at T1’s to show support for E liking to be naked.  Well, I like it too.  Shouldn’t you all be naked right now to support me?”   

SOME BACK STORY
You might read J’s statement using a tones that imply some ulterior motive or desire to just be ornery.  That is not that case.  I’ve shared that J has a disability.  And much of what J says comes from a pure innocence – no ulterior motives –  just simply expressing what he is feeling in the moment, unfiltered by social cues and oblivious to the potential innuendo (which at times can make for interesting and uncomfortable moments in public).

And I believe I shared before that J wanted us to “go naked” ever since that first time at T1’s.   Mike said no, but did allow him to not get dressed after his bath as he goes right to bed after that anyway.  And, as we are going to the nudist resort in a month, Mike thought it would be a good idea for J to stay semi-acclimated to the idea of nudity.  So we all adopted a “naked after bath” routine at night, although he is often, but not always, asleep by the time others bathe. 

We all sleep nude and I am naked when I go to make sure he is awake – but we all have been getting dressed before coming to breakfast.  We also are planning more time with T1 and E, both at our house and theirs, to help normalize it as much as possible for J (and even to some degree, for us).   

We want it to be as “normal” for him because we worry a bit about how he may react to things.  His pure innocence sometimes is a bit like Tourettes. Not that it is an involuntary tick, but he often has an involuntary impulse to share whatever thought is on his mind.  And while he is well intended, sometimes the circumstances aren’t ideal for sharing what’s on his mind.  Example – many a times a restaurant he will yell, “Mister, you probably don’t know it but you are talking so loudly that we can’t hear ourselves over here.”  Or, “Oh my gosh, lady, I really need you to keep your mouth closed when you are chewing your food.”   

Having said all this, Mike doesn’t want us to formally adopt nudism. His initial reason is that he just doesn’t see that as being “us.”  But frankly, it has been growing on him.  He admits he enjoys it.  He also wants to make sure J handles it well.  So far, so good, but Mike see’s no reason to rush it.  And now, we have this dinner time incident. 

So how did Mike respond to J’s request for “support” of him being naked? 

THE NUDE NORMAL
We all got naked and finished our dinner!  And, while Mike said the naked dinner time was a one-time thing, he provided NEW guidance on nudity in the home.  He said going forward, if there was no school or we didn’t have to get dressed to go anywhere, the household could remain naked until 10 a.m.  We are to be clothed for dinner, but can be naked after that.  It is optional – but J said he would definitely go clothes-free at those times. 

MORE ON J
I want to share a bit more about my son as there is a distinction to my various “kinks” and nudism.  The biggest is that nudism isn’t a kink at all.   But it is unfortunately not a mainstream practice and often people attach their own hang ups and bias’ to those who practice it.  In that way, and only in that way, does it share something in common with kink. 

As part of the various quirks of J’s disability, he has various tactile issues.  He always likes to wear shirts that fit tightly and he has never liked pants, whether loose or tight.  It has always been normal for him to just have on underwear and a shirt when he is home.  He is very picky about things being the right texture for him, whether clothes, food, or whatever.   He has a couple of blankets that he carries around to sit on because he doesn’t like the feel of certain chairs.

He also is obsessive when it comes to any threads that may hang from clothes or even the tiniest of holes that appear on clothes.  He has to pull every string…he can’t cut them…and rip open every hole, whether in socks, pants, shirt — and whether or not in the comfort of his home or out in public.  It is like a compulsion and a reflex.  He sees it and “boom” he moves in.   Nudity solves all his clothes issues.  No weird feeling pants, no shirt being too loose, no threads or holes.  

He is happy being naked and thus far has been pretty oblivious to those who are naked around him.  While J can be socially inappropriate, it is never been mean-spirited.  Many times people will just say, “You’re right, I should be more quiet” and laugh.  One of the best stories I can tell you was when he was about five years old.  We were at a store and there was a kid with a disfigured face.  I saw it.  It fact, it was the only thing I saw when I looked at the kid.  Then, I hear J, “Mommy, mommy, look,” as he points to this kid.  I was mortified.  Then J said, “He’s wearing the same shirt I am wearing.”   Holy S*@T!  J was right.  He was.  And I could see the other kid smile the biggest smile and say, “you like Spongebob, too?”

So yeah, maybe it is our hang up, not his.

MIKE AND KAYLA
Kayla and I are similar in our thoughts on nudism.  I’ve shared that I really enjoy being naked.  Kayla does as well but she admits she is still a bit self-conscious.  I am tempted to just tell her, “Look at me with my cellulite thighs and butt, varicose vein legs, and saggy boobs, compared to your thin thighs, tight butt, flawless legs, and perky tits.”

But I don’t say such things to her – I display it!  I found you can’t convince someone about their self body image.  You can only support them and model self affirming behaviors.  For some, especially girls and younger women, body image isn’t about you looking better than someone else (especially not about looking better than someone twice your age, cuz that isn’t even a contest. She win’s hands down..or is it boobs up?).  Frankly, it isn’t even about your body.   I don’t want to go on a body-image rant, but the root of a lot of issues is feelings of shame.  And the irony is, being naked increases Kayla’s comfort with being naked, which deminishes her shame, and further increases her comfort with being naked.   

So while she is still not 100% comfortable with it, she admits she is getting there and actually is beginning to derive a sense of security from it.  It sounds weird as getting naked in front of others is one of the most insecurity-inducing acts you can typically think of.   But I get what she is saying.  Once you are acclimated to it and around others who are acclimated, you feel empowered, validated, and yes, secure!   

Mike enjoys it too, but still not at the “enjoyment” level of Kayla and I.  He finds it more “fascinating,” perhaps on a more intellectual level than an emotional level – but he’s getting there.  And it helps him to see that J is doing fine with it. 

There are a lot of positive studies about nudism.  Kids raised in a naturist household have a tremendously positive body image.   I read a study that was really quite sad about kids as young as four or five who felt negatively about their private parts — describing them as “bad” or “naughty” and using slang words to describe them.  Naturist kids described them no different than you or I would describe our elbows and knees, and use proper terms when describing them.   

It is one thing to grow up in a pro-nudist culture.  But J is 17 and … well, I almost typed…”and he has a disability.”  But frankly, I think we are using that as an excuse.  J is J.  He isn’t his disability.  If he can handle it, and thus far he has indicated he can, then that’s all that should matter. 

WHAT’S NEXT
We are a step closer to adding “nudist” to our various “labels.”  Not that I am keeping score, but let’s see, any one of these words fit me and/or the relationships Mike and I have – Domestic Discipline, Polyamourous, Swinger, Dominant/Submissive, Cauldism, a touch of BDSM, a tad of M/s, bisexual, cellular family, or perhaps a delta or a triad, ethical slut, metamour, open marriage, and so on.    

There are other terms that describe us as well, we are a household with a child with a disability, we are a household of a 26-year marriage, we are “suburban,” we might be aligned with this political ideology or that one, or this religion or that one, or none at all.  We are all these things and we are none of these things.   Labels help you identify what we do, not who we are.  That’s the problem with labels.  People often assume if you are “one of those” then they know who you are.

Nudism isn’t about kink, and I almost feel the need to apologize to nudists who read my “kink-infested” blog.   No, it isn’t kink, but it is a dramatic and positive change in how we embrace life.  Therefore I find it blog worthy.  That and, to be honest, I am still enthralled and amazed by it.  Like, how did I not discover this sooner?  It was literally staring at me in the face every day in the mirror!     

I assume the prevalence of kink for nudist is no different than kink for non-nudists.  It simply isn’t a “kink” indicator.   Oh well, call me what you want.  Labels only give you part of my story. 

Want the full story?  Okay, at least a fuller story?  You’ll just have to read 250 posts!  Ha.

Next: 251. . . . and sometimes reminders do have to be spankings

233. Meet the Nudies

Last weekend, T1 and E invited us over to meet her cousin’s family.  Her cousin was traveling through town on their way to visit other family and decided to stop in for day and overnight with E.   Like many of her family, they are practicing nudists, and yes, the gathering would be clothing optional for us.

We looked forward to meeting some of E’s family.    We thought it would be a good opportunity to see how J would respond in a more controlled “naked” environment before we think about immersing him in it at the resort.  This was also our first opportunity to introduce Kayla as our girlfriend to someone we were meeting for the first time.  This would be more than just a reveal of our bodies!

BTW – while E prefers the term naturist, I have been sticking to nudist lately, not out of disrespect to E, but because I keep saying naturalist instead of naturist.   It isn’t like E hates the term nudist – and she said some in her family use it freely – she just prefers to say naturist.

A little background on her cousins — They have a small farm.  As they put it, it is remote enough they can do all their “livin’ and farmin’ naked”, while still having the amenities offered by being close enough to a decent sized town.  They pretty much live 24×7 sans clothing.  The kids are a 17-year-old boy, and 15 and 10-year-old girls. 

PREPPING J
We talked to J in advance and explained things.  He was quite giddy about it and in his egocentric ways said with some excitement,  “You mean they can see my penis?”   Even though we made it clear everyone would be naked, he showed no interest nor commented about what he might see.  We still made it a point to remind him he knows that commenting on people’s appearance isn’t nice, and that this doesn’t change just because someone is naked.   His response was a, “No, duh, I already know that.”

He did ask why.  We explained it is how some people choose to be, and more specifically, how many people in E’s family choose to be.  We are showing our support by being naked as well.  He then asked if he needed to get naked now and was a bit disappointed when we said no.  Yep, we knew he would be okay with this.  

LOGISTICS
I had to call E to discuss the logistics of exactly how do we get naked?  Do we first introduce ourselves then excuse ourselves to disrobe?  Do we just start shedding our clothes at the door?  What’s the protocol?  

She assured us the protocol is that there is none.  We do what is comfortable.  If we see people when we walk in, sure, introduce ourselves first.  If we don’t see people, feel free to disrobe at the door – she has a dresser by the door to store clothes.

WE ARRIVE
We get there—  meet T2, E, and her cousin and the cousin’s husband in her front living room – they are naked.   J’s immediate response is, “can I take my clothes off now, can I, can I?”  Oblivious to the fact T2, E, and these strangers are naked – he just wants to get naked.  We introduce ourselves and chit-chat a bit as I helped J get undressed.  He was so excited and even said, “I can’t believe this.  This is like a dream and I like it.”  While we knew we would be okay with it, he was a bit over exuberant and we hoped he calmed down about it soon (he did).

E eventually says, “Why don’t you guys get comfortable and come and meet the kids.”  That was our cue to get naked.   We then walked into the family room and the two teenagers were sitting on the couch, playing a video game.  They immediately paused their game and stood up and introduced themselves.  Soon the 10-year-old came into the room and introduced herself.   Yes, everyone was naked. 

I was struck by how engaging they were.  Eye contact, conversant… interested in getting to know us and easily talked about themselves when asked questions.  I use to work in a middle school and a high school – getting kids to make eye contact or carry on meaningful discussion is not easy.  These kids were pros at it — they were comfortable and they made us comfortable.

When we introduced Kayla as our girlfriend, almost no one questioned it.  Perhaps it just sounded like “girl who is a friend” versus girlfriend, or perhaps they knew it may not be polite to ask for clarification or maybe T2 and E already told them.  But the younger girl asked Kayla “So you’re their…girlfriend?”   Kayla simply said, “Yes, I am.”   And that was it.  The girl was satisfied and moved on, perhaps oblivious to the full implications. 

As the visit progressed I was touched by how all three of the kids engaged with J – asking him about himself, what he liked to do, etc.  They weren’t fazed by his disability.  When J mentioned a game he liked to play, the older boy immediately turned off his game and put in the one J liked.  He and J then played it for a while, exchanging tips.  While it was clear the boy knew everything J told him, he would still respond with a “Wow, that’s cool” instead of a “yeah, everyone knows that,” which some kids may have said.   

The youngest girl was very outgoing and energetic.  She showed off her dancing skills as she pirouetted and spun with pride.  When J and the other boy were playing their video game, the older girl came and sat with us “adults” for a while, again, easily engaging in conversation.  

At one point the younger girl wanted to go exploring in the back yard and quickly bolted out the back door.  Her mom calmly said, “Remember what we talked about, you need to come back in and  put clothes on.”   The girl came back in and got dressed and even asked J if he wanted to join her in looking around.  

I thought that was so nice and was one of many examples where she did her best to include J in something she was doing.  While he declined that offer, he later played some board games with her.  I was so impressed with the kids.  And when the topic turned to the nudist lifestyle, I was again impressed by how they responded to our questions.  They have absolutely no reservations about their lifestyle.  

DISPELLING MY BIASES
It was such a beautiful afternoon and evening.  I don’t have any other word for it than beautiful.  Watching the family interact and how the kids interacted with each other and with the adults was so amazing.  I literally teared up as it was emotional to watch.  

It was EXTREMELY helpful to talk with E and her cousin about the lifestyle.  We all learned a lot.  Even though I consider myself a very open and accepting person, we all make assumptions about certain things.  And if something is very foreign to you, those assumptions tend to be very wrong.   There is the human nature to think, “Those people… oh, of course we ALL know those people are ALWAYS like…”  

Whatever the group, nudist or not, people are, well, people.  They come with all sorts of beliefs and preferences.  We got some insight into the various approaches different family members take regarding their nudism.  Simply put, nudist comes with a range of ideas as to what being naked means to them and how they go about it.   Duh!   I felt bad for even thinking otherwise.  I know this sounds like I am stating the obvious, but again, human nature is what it is and I needed to be reminded of this.   

MORE ON E’s COUSINS
In the words of E’s cousin, they are more “free range” regarding their nudity and that of their kids.  They don’t do anything to dissuade it other than in the clothing required public.  At home they can go days without putting on clothes.

Even if they or their kids have friends over.  They said this can sometimes be hard as there are friends whose parents won’t allow them to visit, but surprisingly they said it often isn’t an issue.  Sometimes visitors stay clothed, or, their child may choose to be clothed if their friend is, even though others in the family are naked.  There have been a few times, with the parents permission, their friend get naked too. 

If it is real important to their child to have a friend over and have everyone clothed, they simply can ask and the family is supportive.  The kids are very open about their family and while it isn’t the first thing they tell people, they don’t hide it either.  The kids all told us that all their friends know they are nudists. 

E’s cousins are the same regarding their friends or family that visit.  Visitors know to expect the family will be naked.  They’ve had some people choose not to visit, and others who not only do so, but partake in being nude.  They told us we would be surprised by the number of people they have introduced into the lifestyle over the years.   Not necessarily a full 24×7 adoption, but a lot of their friends have gone on trips with them to a nude beach or resort.  There is a high curiosity factor and even if they don’t make it a lifestyle, they have fun and enjoy it part-time or at least want to try it once.  

IN CONCLUSION
I was so impressed, as was Mike and Kayla.  And J had a great time.   The kids were the most amazing kids I ever met, although to impress a mom, it helps if you are nice to her child – and they were extremely nice to J.  J’s quirks can be annoying or unsettling, but these kids were immune to it.  They simply rejoiced in who he was.   Truly amazing. “Normal” kids just don’t do that.   I’ll take these “abnormal” kids any day!

J wanted to know if he could be naked at home.  We anticipated he might ask this but hadn’t fully decided.  We all like the idea of it, but aren’t sure we want to make it our lifestyle.   I am more for it than Mike, but Mike is the decider on this.  Sure Kayla and I are naked whenever J is at school, but that’s different.   At this point Mike has left it as a “no,” and explained to J that this was in support of E and her cousin’s preferences and that for now we will keep our clothes on at home.

Okay, enough nude talk.  Let’s talk DD and D/s and something kinky.  While the nude lifestyle is interesting to me, I don’t consider it kink.  Especially after experiencing it “in action” so to speak — it was very non sexual.  So much so that even calling it non-sexual is too sexual of term to use.   It was just beautiful.  It was…just human.  I wish I could come up with better words to explain it.

Next: 234. Calculate Your Domestic Discipline Readiness

225. Pansexual, a skinny dip, and my “first time.”

I’ve shared a couple of stories of my youth — Post 64. Strip Quarters and Post 73. Pube Shaving Party.  Since I’ve brought up naturism, in my last two posts, now seems like a good time to share one more story of my youth.  Before I do . . . 

NUDIST VS NATURIST
I learned from E, the preferred term is “naturist” not “nudist.”  To some, nudity connotes sex, whereas naturist connotes nature.  “Naturist” was coined about 125 years ago by those who partook in the nude lifestyle.  “Nudist” was a term created about 90 years ago by media.  Focusing on nudity gave it a more prurient connotation, at a minimum to sensationalize it, at worst to vilify it.  The words are often used interchangeably now, but E is sensitive to the differences in what they mean to her, so, I too will use the word naturist.   

Naturism can go deeper than simply rejecting clothes.  It can encompass how we embrace nature.  E said her parents have a minimalist lifestyle, concerned about keeping a “reasonably small carbon footprint.”  They don’t shun electricity or modern advancements – they own a car and have all the modern conveniences.  They keep their possessions to a minimum and focus on conservation and recycling.   

We haven’t met them yet as they live in another state.  It is possible we may meet them at the naturist resort we are looking into.  It will be an interesting introduction for us, to say the least.

YOUNG JENNY GOES SKINNY DIPPING
In my prior post I shared my fondness of being naked.  That fondness plays a role in my first orgasmic sexual experience (not counting masturbation).  I think I mentioned before, but if not, I had sex with a girl before I had sex with a boy.  By the time I had sex with a boy I was a very experienced virgin – but that will have to be another story.

The sex would have happened without the skinny dipping, but I wanted to share the full story to illustrate my penchant for baring it all, even when I was younger.  

It was the summer between 8th and 9th grade.  I was 13, Amy was 14.  She is just two weeks shy of being a full year older than me.  With my birthday being just before the cut off to start school, and her age is just after the cut off, we were in the same grade despite an almost one year age difference.  I was often the youngest in my class, she the oldest.  Not a big deal, but it can be at that age, especially when it comes to physical maturity.  Adding to her 11 month head start, she was an early bloomer, I was a late one.  Yeah, she had boobies way before me.   

Amy’s parents had a really nice house with a large pool in their backyard.  The backyard was secluded, at the top of a steep hill with no houses behind it.  The two houses on either side were offset such that they didn’t have much of a view of the pool, and any potential view was obscured by many trees.  They had a gravel driveway, which, while out of view, was actually close to the pool and made enough noise that you could always hear any car driving up.  The perfect storm for clandestine teenage activities. 

We had seen each other naked countless times throughout childhood.  Amy was well aware of, and subject to, my proclivity to be in the buff.  I would often swim naked when her parents and brother weren’t home and even stay naked after the swim.  For years she refused to doff her swimsuit.  One day she finally relented.

From then on it became routine for us to swim naked if her parents were at work and her older brother wasn’t home.  It was comical because each time we heard a noise she would scurry to put her suit on.  Well, it wasn’t long until her brother caught us.  He was with a friend who parked at the curb and walked up to the house, thus we didn’t hear them.

He was 18 and had just graduated high school.  He was a “man” in my mind, plus was Amy’s dorky older brother.  No one was interested or thinking anything about sex (at least I wasn’t and I don’t think he was).  I wasn’t embarrassed, but Amy surely was and was yelling, “Don’t tell mom and dad, don’t tell mom and dad!” I calmly walked over, naked as can be, and talked to him and his friend.  I bargained with him not to tell.

He said no to my offer for him and his friend to simply join us in our “clothing optional” swim (much to the chagrin of his friend).  But, it didn’t take any convincing to get him to accept the offer of feeling free to watch me that day or any other day.  That, plus, he had to agree to not tell anyone else or invite any other of his friends over.

I was happy because it meant more opportunities to be naked as we didn’t have to worry about her brother being home.  By the way, in retrospect the thought of this horrifies me.  I put myself in a very vulnerable situation being naked in front of two 18-19 year old guys.  Even though I had every reason to trust Amy’s brother, I didn’t even know his friend.  In hindsight I was foolish and very fortunate that they both ended up being deserving of that trust.

At first Amy decided swimming naked in front of her brother was too much for her, so she kept her suit on.  Once again, eventually she said, “What the hell,” and went naked.  At first we got a lot of attention, her brother and/or his friend  would hang out by the pool and watch.  But eventually they tired of it other than an occasional peek out the window.  

MY FIRST “REAL” SEXUAL EXPERIENCE
If you’re keeping score, both Amy and I had boyfriends in 8th grade that we allowed to feel us up.  She had even let her boyfriend suck on her breasts — I was the prude who hadn’t gone that far.  Ha!   Beyond that, there was some rubbing of privates over the pants, but neither of us had “touched dick” nor been fingered (other than by our self via masturbation).  And we had both experienced orgasms, but again, only through masturbation.  Okay, back to the story. . .

After one of our swims, Amy and I were in her bathroom drying our hair.  We had bottoms on but no tops.  We were talking about things we often talked about – such as boys!  The conversation turned to another common topic of ours – our breasts.  More precisely, her abundance and my lack of.  This was a normal conversation for us to have.  It was not sexual.  We always openly talked with each other about our bodies, even about masturbation.

At some point I asked her if I could feel her boobs.  I was just curious.  I had actually done this once before, about a year or two earlier, but they were much bigger now.  She said yes, so away I went.  Unlike before, this time I really went!  She stood in front of me as I played with one, then the other, then both at the same time.  Squeezing, poking, prodding, and pressing and pulling her nipples between my fingers. 

I don’t know how long I did it for, but it surpassed the length of time to qualify as platonic.   While my eyes were focused on her breasts, I became aware of her breathing as her chest would slowly expand and contract, and the sounds of inhaling and exhaling grew louder.  I finally looked up at her.  Her eyes were closed, lips were pursed.  I clearly excited something inside her.  

I smiled.  Even though it was not my intent, I knew she was feeling something sexual.  I kept playing with her breasts until her eyes opened.  When she saw me looking into her eyes she quickly got embarrassed and said, “Okay, enough of playing with my boobs, let’s get dressed.”  I could tell she was uncomfortable so I didn’t say anything about it.  That was that.

The next day we were hanging out in her room and Amy says, “Hey, it’s not fair you got to feel me up.  I want to feel you up now.”   I took it as her just teasing me and said, “I did NOT feel you up, I was just curious to know what they felt like.”  She continued teasing and said “yes you did, yes you did.”  I finally said “Fine, then if it will shut you up, then go ahead, feel me too.”  She did.

She also felt and felt and felt.  Needless to say, she also excited something in me.  I started to feel her up too.  We played with each other’s breasts for quite a while.  I actually don’t remember who went first, but at some point we began sucking on each others breasts.  And that was that.

That night I remember masturbating to thoughts of Amy.  The first time I ever had such thoughts.  I didn’t feel bad for thinking this way.  It was the early 80’s, I didn’t know anyone who was gay or bisexual, or even really know much about the terms.  I didn’t even connect my feelings with any of those terms.  It wasn’t about feeling “that way” about girls.  It was simply feeling that way about my friend Amy. 

The next day, at Amy’s, we stayed in her room the entire time.  We got naked, kissed for the first time, fondled, and fingered until each of us had an orgasm.  This was the first time that, other than through masturbation, we had been brought to climax.  We went on to frequently have sex, eventually advancing to oral sex as well.  And that was that.

PANSEXUAL
Amy and I continued having sex throughout high school and college.   All along it was important to me to make the distinction in my mind that I wasn’t attracted to girls, I was just attracted to Amy.

Only recently has it dawned on me that such a distinction is stupid.  Why did I feel it was so important to make this distinction?  I mean, I didn’t like every guy I saw, but I never felt compelled to make the distinction that any attraction to a guy was about the person versus the gender.  That was just too obvious!  So why then was it so important for me to make that distinction about Amy?

I think that it is simply due to the negative baggage society puts on us when we are attracted to the same sex.  As if you are attracted to one person of the same sex you must be a sexual deviant that wants to have sex with every person of the same sex  – thus, my distinction was important to me.  This is, of course, just societal bull shit.  

As I eventually came to understand, my sexual attractions, men or women, are based on the person, not the gender.  And it is fortunate we now have a name for this – pansexual.  No negative connotations, no negative societal bull shit baggage.  We didn’t have that term back in the early 80’s.  Pansexual!   That’s me!

Next: Post 226. Kink Research

170. Modifying our Maintenance Sessions

A rare second post on the same day!  Life is good!

More in my series of posts regarding our ongoing Contract renegotiation.  This covers the review Mike and I had of our Maintenance Sessions.

I want to revisit why these sessions are important to me before I get into sharing the changes Mike wants.  I cover it way back on Post 10, but simply put, they are an important part of “maintaining” my submissive mindset and serve to “calibrate” Mike’s dominance with my submissiveness.   

I think that second point is a bit unique in this dynamic as it provides me an opportunity to get clarification from Mike or respectfully share changes I want.  Note that any critique I give of Mike is never framed about “I wish you would have…” or “I wish you would not have…”   It is always framed as, “Next time I would like…”   Open, honest feedback, free from coming across as disrespectful makes sure that Mike and I remain calibrated regarding our needs, desires, and various aspects of our dynamic.   Knowing I still have a strong voice helps me accept a situation I may not particularly like as I know I will have an opportunity to discuss it with Mike at our next session.

FREQUENCY
We have Maintenance Sessions on Sunday evenings.  Mike added a mini-session on Thursday (Post 137) that was originally planned as temporary or as-needed.  Mike now wants them to be permanent.      

THURSDAY MAINTENANCE
These were added about six months ago as shared in Post 137, and revised a bit as shared in Post 148.  They were intended as temporary measures but Mike wants them to be permanent.   They came about to provide me “added focus and additional release” and Mike said the recent “tea incident” solidified his belief these should be permanent.

These are brief sessions where I share any non-submissive thoughts I had (which I write in my journal).  Even if not necessarily a violation of a rule, it gives me an opportunity to share with him the time and event surrounding these thoughts.   This can help him further help me in ways to maintain a submissive mindset.   These sessions start and end with a 5 hard with a cane and 5 hard with the prison strap.  While only 5 strikes each, they are whoppers!   I then get 30 minutes in the corner for reflection and he comes in, we embrace, and the session ends.  

SUNDAY MAINTENANCE
The Sunday sessions won’t change much.  We mostly have these in the evenings but will try to sneak them in earlier when possible.  Depends on football and what J is doing – if he is spending the afternoon at a cousins then we of course try and do it then.

Mike increased the number of maintenance spankings, which are done by hand, from 15 to 30, and changed the “ceremony” a little bit  Basically it goes like this:

I get ready first and am naked in a submissive pose as he enters the bedroom.  He will remain silent and sit down in a chair.  Once seated, without any direction from him I rise, walk over, and lay over him so he can spank me.  He gives me 30 by hand. 

We both then get up and typically he takes me over to the edge of the bed where we sit, holding hands and facing each other.  We have our dialogue where I share any concerns I have or desires for the coming week.  Mike also discusses whatever is on his mind or specific requests for the coming week. 

I present my journal for his review.   He may take a lot of time reading it or give it a casual perusal.  I have a section where I self-report any transgressions I had during the week that he may be unaware of.  We decided it is best to handle self reporting this way instead of requiring me to always immediately self-report.  There are times I still do immediately tell him, but it is not expected.   The reason for this is he doesn’t want me to feel compelled to greet him with one or more things I did wrong.  He feels that is a buzz kill of a greeting and would rather I just journal it and save it for Maintenance. 

He then will spank me for any self reported transgressions or for any shortcomings of my journal (stuff like missing a day, messy writing, incomplete entries).  Amount and intensity of spankings will vary depending on what he feels is warranted.

I then get “Reflection time.   I must masturbate to climax and he may or may not stay and watch – up to him.  If he stays, he leaves once I have had an orgasm.  After orgasm I am to stay on the bed and relax in thought.  I may even doze off.  He returns in about 30 minutes.

I kneel in front of him and we exchange some contemporaneous words of commitment (akin to a mantra but what we say is whatever words come to mind).  He then sits, and without instruction I again lay across him without saying a word and get the final 30 by hand.  We then embrace until Mike calls the session over.   

I believe on my next post I can wrap up recapping the remaining changes we are making, which include Hard Limits, condensing the prescribed disciplining measures, and some other various miscellaneous changes.   We should have a new agreement ready to go by the 17th!

NEXT: 171.  Submissive to Mike or Mike’s Submissive?

139. A very Adults-only Party

The three of us attended a party at John and Donna’s last night that I refer to as a “Fetlife” party as it included couples that John and Donna met via Fetlife.  There were four other couples as they wanted to keep it small and only include those they knew fairly well.   With us included, there were 13 people – we were the only 3some and all the other couples with male/female couples.  

I am not sure what details would be of interest, but I’ll do my best to provide enough insight that you can get a sense of the atmosphere.  It was sexually charged to say the least.  Also, if you are new to my blog, attending such parties is not the norm for us.  

KAYLA WELCOMES THE GUESTS
We went early to help John and Donna prepare.  When it was time for guest to start arriving, Mike and John moved a bench from their outside patio to just inside the front door entry way.  Kayla was tied to the bench, naked except for her collar, and facing forward with her arms and legs both spread out.  Kayla is very limber and her legs were positioned almost in the splits – one leg tied far to the right and one far to the left.   Mike tacked up a small sign that said, “Touching by hand is allowed.”  As we saw the first couple pull up in their car, they put a blindfold on Kayla and she was told not to speak to anyone.

As each couple arrived we greeted them at the door and introduced ourselves.  As they walked past Kayla, Mike said, “Oh, she’s some decoration and entertainment to help with the mood.”   They all smiled and a couple of the men and one of the women took the opportunity to squeeze Kayla’s breast as they walked by.  One lightly stroked her cheek, and whispered, “Lovely.”   Another, that I’ll call Rudy, grabbed her chin between his thumb and forefinger and moved her head to the left and right, as if to inspect her face. He didn’t say anything but had this look of agreement about him, as if what he saw met to his satisfaction.   More on Rudy later. 

RULES AND DRESS
Once everyone arrived John and Donna made an announcement, sort of a reading of the rules.   John basically just said, “Everyone is free to do anything that was consensual and may the festivities begin.”  Each couple then began changing from their street clothes to their “party” clothes.  

There were all sorts of  kinky outfit.  All the women either had their breasts fully exposed or visible through something very sheer.  A couple of the women wore collars.
Some of the men had get-ups as well – one with his cock exposed, another with a cod piece that you could open and close via a zipper, one in this super tight leather shorts.
One of the other men, along with John and Mike, remained in their “street” clothes.  So lame!  Ha.

I had brought what I call my “breast harness.”  You wear it like a bra but it is cupless and has straps that go around the breast.  You can tighten the straps depending how hard you want to squeeze the breasts.  Mike tightly adjusted it such that I knew my breasts would eventually be a bit purple in about ten minutes.  As for pants, I wore a very small mini skirt, no panties.  

SOCIALLY SEXUAL
The socializing gravitated towards the living room and kitchen area, away from the entry way, so Mike untied Kayla and walked her to the kitchen while she remained blindfolded.  He had her lay out on top of the kitchen table with her back on the table. He tied her down and again he told people they were free to touch the “centerpiece.” 

We got to know each of the couples and found they all were in some sort of D/s, M/s relationship with the woman as the submissive.  All but one couple were married.  One of the women was kept on a leash and had to walk on all fours next to their husband and then kneel next to him whenever he stopped to talk to people.  She did not speak unless he gave her permission to do so.  

A few of us sat around the kitchen table talking, and one of the men told their wife to finger Kayla.   The man, I’ll call Jim, saw the look I gave Mike and he asked Mike, “That is okay, isn’t it?”   Mike looked at me as if I was being disobedient and he said, “Yes, I said you can touch, so yes, your wife or anyone can touch.”

With that the woman, who I’ll call Jane,  started playing with Kayla’s pussy and was soon fingering her.  It was hard to read Kayla’s reaction due to the blindfold, but her  pursed lips told me she was enjoying it.  Eventually Jim asked, “So Mike, I know your sign said touching by hand was okay, what about by if Jane uses her tongue?”   Mike told him that would be fine.  With that, Jane began licking Kayla’s pussy.  Jane was kneeling on the chair and bent over so she could reach Kayla’s tender parts.  As she was going at Kayla, Jim started rubbing Jane’s breasts.  Mike looked over and said, “Jim, can Jen touch Jane?” And with Jim’s approval, I slid my fingers between Jane’s legs.

Jane stopped once Kayla orgasmed, but now she was highly aroused.  She asked Mike and I if we all wanted to fuck.  I simply said I would do anything Mike wished.  Mike actually told them no, that while we were open to playing to a certain degree, for now we want to hold off on fucking. Jane then said, “How about I eat out Jen while my husband fucks me?”   Mike agreed, and with that, Jane got on all fours, buried her face between my legs as I sat in the chair, and her husband entered her from behind.

After everyone was done cumming, we simply talked some more, as if what happened was normal.  As if we just finished an intense card game and went back to idle chit-chat.  I am fully aware these sexcapades are not normal, but abnormal in that they are unusual or not the norm, not because they are abhorrent in any way.  To me this is all very natural.  Being sexually open and comfortable with sex is exciting, natural, and comfortable to me.  And no one we met was judgmental about anyone else’s limits.   We openly talked about what our limits were, whether talking about limits for this party or limits in general.  It was so cool that everyone was confident in their own kink, and not judgmental of the kink of others.  

RIGGED CONTEST
In between various couples having sex, and some couples swapping with each other, John announced a little entertainment.  He had Donna got completely naked, which meant just removing what little she was wearing, and he performed a full body flogging for everyone to watch.  Then, Rudy challenged everyone in the room with, “I’ll put up $100 to go against anyone to see who can make their wife’s ass the darkest red or purple in 30 seconds, winner takes the money and gets to fuck any or all of the losing asses. John and Jim both took him up on the bet.  Mike and two other men declined, but of course we all watched!  

They each put up $100, so the winner got $300 and the “right” to perform anal on any or all of the women who lost.  Other rules were established such that only one implement could be used for the 30 seconds and, the winner would of course use a condom.   Well, Rudy won, but we all smelled a set up.  But in a jovial way, no hard feelings.   

He brought is own paddle that was this homemade paddle that had a few holes along with a couple of pieces of metal that were  attached to it.  The metal had many small raised bumps on it.   In 30 seconds his wife was by far the most bruised and even little bits of blood coming from where the metal bumps hit.   I talked with the woman afterwards and she loved it and said this sort of bet has been a routine of theirs at parties and she almost never loses.   In hindsight, they should have required the spankings to be by hand.  Oh well, at least Mike wasn’t out the $100 and I didn’t have to “service” Rudy.  

So, Rudy got $100 each from John and Jim, and of course, was eager to claim his other prize.  Donna and Jane each got on all fours and he affixed a condom and “claimed his prize.”  As a side note – Rudy had an averaged size dick, but it had this sharp right bend to it, so I imagine it felt it a bit strange.  I wanted to nickname him “Maui” after the character in Moana.  Rudy’s dick reminded me of Maui’s giant magical fish-hook.  Clearly an exaggeration on my part, but still, I saw a resemblance.  (I hope I didn’t ruin a great Disney movie for any of you.  You just might never look at Maui’s fish-hook the same way).

MISCELLANEOUS DEBAUCHERY
There was more fun and debauchery but mostly Mike and I were observers.  I touched a few breasts and gave a few hand-jobs.   All this time Kayla was left on the table.  As the party was nearing the end point, Mike untied Kayla and while keeping her blindfold on, had me dress her with something he had brought for her to wear.  It was her cupless bustier with a sheer, g-string bottom.  Mike then walked her to the middle of the room, removed her blindfold, and formally introduced her to everyone.  Everyone clapped in thanks for her “display” during the party.   Kayla smiled and it wasn’t long before some of the couples propositioned her.  Each time Mike said no, that we were all more in an observation mode, with the few exceptions I already mentioned.   

PARTY’S OVER
The party ended and the last guest left.  Overall it was really fun and I have no complaints.  With a few exceptions Mike seemed very cautious throughout and when he questioned us about what we thought, Kayla expressed that she wanted to explore with some of the other couples if we were to do this again.   Mike then explained why he chose to be cautious and Kayla also shared a revelation she had about herself as a result of the party.  I’ll share those two items on my next post.  

NEXT:  140. Post Party Analysis and Revelation

 

 

 

 

138. Party time! The naked bench.

I wrote before about Mike and I attending some FetLife functions. One was a public meet and greet at a restaurant and one was a private party at a private club.   We enjoyed our time at both functions but ultimately decided not to continue to attend such functions or socialize with those that we met.   We met some nice people and it was great to be so open about our relationship.

Our disinterest in continuing to go to such events was simply that we felt “our cup runneth’ over.”  Both our social dance card and our sexual and kinky appetites were full. Both Mike and I agreed that if the right opportunity arose we would be open to going to a function.  That opportunity has arrived.

John and Donna have become active in FetLife and attended many functions.  They can thank Mike and I for opening up to this.  Before we “came out” to them, they were very private in TTWD, despite a desire to be more open.  Well, we’ve opened them up, as they have opened us.  They don’t swing, but they enjoy putting their relationship on display. They also enjoy the company of other like-minded kinksters. 

 John and Donna decided they want to host their own private party at their house with a somewhat small circle of kinkster friends that they have met.   Of course, Mike and I are invited, and Kayla too.   It’s something like three or four other couples, so with the three of us and John and Donna, something like 14 to 17 people.

When Mike told me and Kayla about the party, he told us that we would be helping John and Donna host it and as hosts, were responsible for some of the entertainment.  He told Kayla that she was going to be a “centerpiece” of sorts to great the guests. They plan to place a bench near the entry way just inside the house.   Kayla is to be tied to it, fully nude and blindfolded. Her arms and legs will be tied such that she is spread out and very exposed.  At some point after everyone has arrived Mike will untie her and walk her to the living room and Kayla and I will both masturbate for the crowd.  Kayla will leave her blindfold on the entire time.

Mike said there may be more “entertaining” that will be required of the two of us, as will be required of Donna as well.  He told us there would not be sexual penetration with strangers, but there could be certain other sexual acts and we are subject to whatever he feels would entertain the guests.  This is all within the bounds of our DD contract as well as within Kayla’s. 

Mike asked Kayla what she was feeling and why, and if she had any concerns or questions.  She simply replied, “I am both excited and nervous, Sir.  I am excited because you are asking this of me and I love to please and serve you.  I am nervous, maybe a bit scared,  cuz’ I’ve never done such things in front of strangers.  While I am open with you two, I am still self-conscious about my body.  But other than that, I don’t have any concerns or questions as I trust whatever you come up with will be safe while still pushing my boundaries.  Thank you for this opportunity, Sir.”    

Mike then asked me the same question.  I was less accepting, but my concerns were on behalf of Kayla and not for me.  I’ve written before that I am a closet exhibitionist (Post 20.  Putting on a Show) and love the idea of sexually performing for others.  But, I am concerned about how these strangers might treat Kayla.  I can imagine the party will be sexually charged and her is this young woman on display for their amusement.  I decided not to cast any doubts or concerns in front of Kayla, so I simply replied that I too trusted in his judgment and that it sounded like fun — but, I did give Mike this certain “stare” that I have that he recognizes.  It is the I-have-more-to-say,-but-let’s-talk-later-stare.    

Sure enough, Mike interpreted that stare (that’s what 25+years of marriage does for a couple).  When Kayla wasn’t present he asked me what was on my mind regarding the party.  I asked him if it would be okay to make sure that one of us would always kept within eyesight of Kayla at all times, especially when she was on the bench.  My concern is people getting carried away and touching or doing something inappropriate.  We don’t really know these people.

Mike agreed and added that everyone who is coming is coming with a partner, so if they need a sexual release, they should be with a partner willing to help with that.  However, it would be prudent to make sure one of us was was always with her or at least within eyesight of her at all times.    

What to wear, what to wear!   Oh, Mike took care of that.  How thoughtful!   A nice new dress?  Nope.  Our my birthday suit will suffice!   Oh, and another funny little factoid – John and Donna thought ahead and scheduled this so that Kayla would not be on her period.  How thoughtful!  Ha!   Just one of the logistics of having a nubile sub at your service.   Party in two weeks. 

P.S. Got my first Thursday maintenance caning.  I’d say, “Oh, how I despise the cane,” but the fact is, it is simply my least favorite spanking implement.  I love getting spanked too much to despise any implement, but the cane is testing that sentiment.

NEXT:  139. A very Adults-only Party!

 

 

124. Mischievous Mike and the Room, the Dance, the Term, and the Treat.

I’ll wrap up the goings on of Mike and Kayla’s Florida trip.  (Continued from Post 122 and Post 123).   It will then be time to move on to other happenings and musings.  

THE ROOM
This is a non-story  but illustrates that Mike at least showed some discretion in not going too far.   His plan was to “secure” Kayla in some way in the room while he went to his business meeting, which would take him about three hours.  Basically, tie her or handcuff her to something so she could not move around, leave her naked, and let housekeeping do their thing.

Several things worked against this idea.  One, there wasn’t a good place to secure her that wasn’t likely to freak out housekeeping.  Cause too much alarm and perhaps the police would be called.   So, handcuffing her to the closet railing was out.   He was hoping he could secure her so that she would be on the bed, and could also stand up.  The way the light fixtures and furniture was arranged, the only options left her spread eagle in the middle of the bed.   He thought about going ahead and setting her up that way and covering her with a sheet.  That way it would decrease the freak-out risk and Kayla could just tell them to please clean the room and don’t mind her.  She could tell them she is fine and it is part of a prank or something.   Kayla told Mike she would do whatever he came up with, and at this point, Mike knew that she was more than capable of following through.  In the end, he decided against such hijinks in the room.

Kayla said it was very funny.  Mike would say “Hum, how about this…?” or, “I know, how about this…?”   Each time Kayla would reply with “That’s fine, Sir, whatever you want.”   

While Mike can give the excuse he was just being cautious, the way this game is played, it is still a “score” for Kayla.   Kayla 3.  Mike 0.

THE DANCE
They went out to dance hall/bar one evening.  Once there, Mike told her she needed to get five men and two women to dance with her and it only counted if she initiated the dance.
The place wasn’t overly crowded, but crowded enough, and Kayla felt like the five men would be plausible, but wasn’t so sure about the women. Kayla admitted that of all the “tasks,” she found this one the most challenging.   I mentioned before she is a bit shy and she definitely felt awkward in this type of situation.

She was dressed fairly sexy, nothing crazy, but “revealing enough” in her words.  As soon as Mike told her the rules she immediately got up and made a bee line to the dance floor.  She caught the eye of some guys at a table as she walked by and she didn’t even stop walking – she just said to the first one that made eye contact with her, “You there, let’s dance.”   They guy said, “Oh, I am here with my girlfriend.” (who wasn’t at the table at the time).  So without missing a step Kayla pointed to another guy and said, “Okay, you.”
So the two of them danced.   And when it was done, he asked the one other guy at the table, “Are you here with a girlfriend?”  When he said no, she said, “Alright then, let’s dance.”  So they did.  She punched her dance card twice in no time!

When she finished dancing with the second guy and they walked back to his table, the girlfriend of the first guy had returned.  Remember, this was the bold Kayla, the confident Kayla, the Kayla that was on a mission.  So she looked at the girlfriend and said, “Your boyfriend didn’t want to dance with me out of respect for you, would you like to dance with me out of respect for him?”  And Kayla added a wink as she said it.  Now, I don’t really know what that phrase means exactly, and neither did Kayla, but it just sounded good and sounded suggestive.  Whatever it sounded like, the woman agreed!    

After the two of them finished dancing they invited her to sit down with them. Kayla declined and said she had to get back to her boyfriend (Mike) and needed a break.  Kayla said they were all a bit puzzled and sort of half-smiled at her like with a body language that said, “Alrighty then, we won’t ask what that’s about!”

Suffice to say, Kayla was well on her way to dancing with all that she needed to dance with.  In addition, she was asked several times by different people, even another woman, to dance.  Although this was the most nerve-racking task for her, it turned out to be very easy.  

Some people must really pay attention to other people because several times people came up to the table where Mike and Kayla were sitting and asked her to dance.  Either they were observing that she was dancing with “everyone” or just observing that obviously the “old dude” with her was not a date.  Whatever the reason, at one point Kayla declined to dance with someone simply due to needing a break.  Mike butted in and said, “Kayla, you have plenty of time to rest later, so dance.”   When she returned from dancing with that guy, Mike added a new stipulation that she could not decline anyone’s offer.

She easily got her 5 guys and 2 women.  Of course Mike’s excuse was that the way the dance floor and crowd was flowing and hopping that in his mind it turned out the task was just too easy.   In hindsight he said he should have said she had to be propositioned by 5 guys and 2 women.  Sounds like sour grapes to me!  He knows as well as I do that this was hard for Kayla and very much against her nature.

Kayla 4.  Mike 0.  

THE TERM
Early in the trip Mike told Kayla that when they were out and about that whenever she referred to him in front of someone she needed to constantly use a different “loving” term.  The moment she repeated herself they would need to excuse themselves so she could be immediately spanked.  

Mike pointed out to her she already called him “Sir,” and “Daddy.”  When they got to the hotel, Kayla went to a little snack area to grab a few drinks and called out to Mike who was at the desk not far away, “Hey Dad, do you want me to get a water for you?”   I wonder if the front desk clerk noticed this.  Afterall, their room was just a single bed!  

Kayla stayed focused that first night when they ate dinner, and much of the next day, referring to him has “Dear” “Father,” “Honey,” and even, “Lover.”  It looked like Kayla would win again.  

Kayla said her trick was that she was trying to go alphabetically. Since the first thing she thought of was “Dad” and then “Dear”, she immediately would think of the next letter and whatever popped in her mind is what she would tell herself to remember to use the next time.  She said the trick is not to think ahead or you will get lost, and never go backwards once a word popped in your head.  For instance, she could have gone with “Babe” but since she started with Dad, she couldn’t go backwards in the alphabet.  She figured she would have a lot of words to use before she would have to start over and risk repeating herself.    I TOLD YOU KAYLA WAS SMART.  Who would possibly come up with a solution like this??

She actually used “Love” and “Lover.” Then Master, My Sweet, Sweety, etc.  She admitted to sneaking a google search of “terms of endearment” to help her out.  Hey, Mike never said she couldn’t get help.   It wasn’t until their second morning there that she flubbed.

They were having breakfast at a restaurant not far from the hotel when she called Mike, “Dear.”  They were already seated at a table.  Mike looked around and there was no place that seemed conducive to a spanking.  He then had an idea.  He told the waitress that he needed to make a quick private call and needed “his wife” to come with him to be on the call. They were going to go out to the parking lot to make the call and would be right back.

He walked Kayla to the car and told Kayla to get in the backseat and pull down her pants and panties.  The parking lot was crowded and large enough that there was sufficient privacy unless someone walked right by the car.  Mike was in the front seat and pulled out his belt and gave her 12 quick whacks.  That was that.  

Final score for this trip was Kayla 4. Mike 1 

THE TREAT
The treat for her “winning” the airport challenge (as he called it) was a mani/pedi with massage that he arranged for her in Orlando.   Then, there was the treat for her overall victory.  Originally they hadn’t planned on doing any Disney stuff except for Downtown Disney.  Mike surprised her on the last day there with a day at Magic Kingdom.   You have to understand that Kayla loves Disneyworld.  (as do I) .  

I mentioned before that we go to Disney a lot as a family.  Kayla has been a few times growing up and had great memories of her trips.  She said they have a special place in her heart because, well, it was like magic.  Her Disney trips growing up were when her parents seemed the happiest and, well, everyone was happy.   Anyway, suffice to say Disney means a lot to her and she was disappointed that Mike said they wouldn’t be going to any parks.   Surprise! 

So, that’s about it regarding their trip. A great bonding experience for the two of them, and a great growing experience for Kayla.  Other than a few exceptions, one that came with very few spankings! 

Next: 125. Kayla’s Immersion (and “slappy” anniversary to me!)