Tag Archives: M/s

37. Uggh! Assistance with Activites of Daily Living

Yea! I have some unexpected free time and get to do another post today. In typical Jenny style, I can’t just jump in and share my most dreadful experience during our immersion. It needs a little set up.

I already shared the most challenging rule of the immersion and now I will share the most humbling.

When Mike and I first talked about what our immersion would be like, we talked about how far he should push things. Mike had shared several ideas with me prior to our immersion, but I told him not to tell me everything he had planned. I wanted there to be the element of shock and awe.   And for everything he did share I was quick to reassure him I was comfortable with those things and was willing to go deeper. I told him to go far, even if he felt it was humiliating to me. I told him I don’t and wouldn’t look at any of the things he was thinking of as humiliating. I vividly remember telling him that I would take anything he thought was humiliating and at worst I would just likely be humbled by it, not humiliated.  Well, I guess I lied. After all, humbled, mortified, and embarrassed, are all meanings of the word humiliated, and I felt all of those things.

Mike had this idea that I could not be responsible for any of my self-care; eating, dressing, bathing, and yes, using the bathroom.

Eating: I would fix Mike’s meal and he would eat it as I waited, kneeling nearby, getting up only to fetch anything else he needed. When he was done I would clean up, and then could make myself something. I would bring it over to Mike and then kneel down next to him.   He would cut my food and feed me. I could not use my hands at all, even to use a napkin. (There were a few times Mike “invited” me to dine with him as a special treat, although frankly, it was probably because feeding me was pretty tedious). A few times we had John and Donna over and they would take turns feeding me. Oh, keep in mind I also had a standing rule at all times that I could never speak unless spoken to.

Dressing: I was always naked when we were home, but we did go out in public a few times during our immersion (those outings can be another story I can share). Mike would pick out my clothes and dress me. He really couldn’t handle my hair and would call Donna over to brush and fix it nicely. Oh, and when we got home, I couldn’t undress myself. He had to undress me.

Bathing: I could not lift a hand and had to be bathed by someone else. It included a very thorough washing and drying of every nook and cranny. The water was always cold, except one night when Mike rewarded me with a warm bath.  Mike also enlisted the help of both John and Donna.   Sometimes Mike would bathe me, other times it was John and other times it was Donna. While John had seen me naked before – heck, he has seen me masturbate – having him bathe me was a bit eerie.   Mike was not present when one of them would bathe me so it seemed a bit more personal, a bit more intimate. And again, I could never speak unless spoken to.   One time I said something to John and when he reported it to Mike, Mike had John spank me for the infraction.

Bathroom: This was the most shocking and humbling and yes, I will say humiliating. Having to always ask permission to use the bathroom was no big deal. It was the only time I could speak without being spoken to. What was a big deal is that I couldn’t use the bathroom alone. Someone, usually Mike, always had to be with me. Worst yet, I could not attend to certain things on my own. Okay, I’ll just say it. I was not allowed to wipe myself. When it came to #2, Mike thought such a task was not going to fall on him either, so, I had to call Donna when I needed assistance with that. Yes, just imagine the phone call. “Donna, this is Jen, can you come over and wipe me?” There were a few times Donna was not available and Mike made me call and ask John. Luckily, John declined the invitation each time. I guess he even has limits. Ha!   But Donna didn’t have the luxury of declining. John loved the idea of her having to do this that he soon had me return the favor and Donna was calling me when she needed assistance.   Of course, this was the first thing I said had to go once our immersion was over. I was not going to carry this over to become routine.

So, there it is.   I wasn’t going to share this one but Mike reads my blog and insists I share. Uggh!

I imagine there can’t possibly be anything that would be more difficult for me to share than what I just shared with you (or is there?).

Next: 38. Bow-chicka NOPE!  plus Tattoo Parlor Confessions

35. Calisthenics of Doom (and a tease on more to come).

I have a lot to share from our 10-day M/s immersion, so much so that I am not sure where to start. I will say that there was one element of what we did that I found the most horrific. Horrific in the sense of it being dreadful, pushing the envelope on what I would allow. Horrific in that it was shocking to me that Mike came up with it (and John and Donna went along with it), venturing into embarrassment and teetering on disgraceful. However, in the end though, like most things, within a few days I got used to it and while still shocking, it became routine.   What was is that Mike had me do? Well, I will just tease you for now and leave it at that, and share the specifics on another post. For one, I still need to build up the nerve to share it.

So, what I will share today is this less disconcerting aspect of our fun – two new punishment techniques.

By the way, while I still occasionally refer to my punishments as “rewards” and we still follow our Reward protocol per our Contract, I pretty much always just refer to them as punishments now. I think the term has lost the stigma I previously attached to it. Actually, after our immersion, pretty much everything lost its’ stigma with me. I am now far less sensitive about the words I use to describe TTWD. Perhaps I shouldn’t be as words are power (as I’ve mentioned on several posts).  I have wanted you to be able to understand my perspective on things and thus have tried to be careful with my words so that they convey the meaning I want to convey to you.  Call it lazy, as at this moment I am not wanting to invest in finding the perfect words to use.  I prefer to call it confidence – as I am less concerned about people misconstruing some element(s) of TTWD.  Anyway, it’s a bit of futile effort as we all attach different meanings to words, even the ones I diligently select.

Enough babbling.  Here’s the fun stuff –

So Mike came up with this “push up” position for certain spankings. He would strike me as I would assume the position as if I was doing a push up. If my knees touched the ground, he would start over. My arms got quite a workout. That’s one way to build upper body strength!   This position is now part of our repertoire to be used as Mike sees fit – and lately it is a favorite of his.

Then there is the dreaded “I-don’t-know-what-to-call it.” Perhaps, “the jumping jacks of doom?” He got me these new nipple clamps that are more like clips that have very heavy ends to them. I start out with “earning” 100 strokes and then have to try and do 10 jumping jacks without hesitating or stopping. For each one I do, 10 strokes are removed from the punishment. I never made it past 5 jumping jacks. Those clips start to really tug and burn, even after just one jump. Mike has become deviously creative!  Luckily we put the use of this one on hold as my nipples adjust to their new piercings.

I’ll end by sharing a bit about how Mike handled the immersion.  He handled it beautifully. I was clear to him up front that I wanted him to feel completely free to do and try anything and that if there was any moment where he thought I would be mad at him, he should remember that I promised him, in advance, that I would not ever be mad.  If he had a moment of doubt I asked him to think of me on his shoulder saying, “Yes, Mike, I want you to try that.”  The only hard limit I put on him was that scat was off limits. I felt silly telling him that but, not only did I mean it, but I think actually giving him a boundary, as far out as it was, was helpful for him to understand that everything else was acceptable to me. Beyond that one hard limit, the only limits were his imagination and my threshold for pain.

Next – 36. Vocabulary Lesson:  Fetch the Rubber Paddle

34. M/s immersion complete

Immersion complete!

I don’t know where to start or what to share first.  I believe it will take many posts to share some of the ups and down of our foray into a Master/slave dynamic.

To summarize, it was exhilarating and exhausting, arousing and mundane, sensible and absurd.  While always in the veil of serving Mike, it also had moments of self-absorption and self-reflection.  Overall it was a positive experience and I am glad we did it.

I learned that M/s is not for us; however, there are elements we are taking back to what now appears to us as our tame and “normal” domestic discipline arrangement.

I’ll share some specifics on future posts but want to share now that the most surprising part of it for me was how physically demanding it was.  I had thought of quitting at one point as I was just exhausted.  I was trying hard to not show my fatigue but Mike could clearly see it.  The night of day 7 he allowed me to take a warm bath, (all bathing prior to this was with cold water).  He then put me to bed early and put a blindfold on me, put on some sound effect app that played the sound of water rushing through a river, and he turned out the lights.  In addition to going to bed early, I got to sleep until I woke up on my own.  That rest and lovely gesture was just the medicine I needed as I was ready to take on the last three days with a full head of steam.

As a tease, some of the more interesting stories were when we needed a plumber and Mike made me stay naked during the service call, or some of the things Mike and John worked out regarding me and Donna, or our attending two FetLife functions, or the several new toys/implements Mike surprised me with.  Mike also came up with two new punishment techniques, both of which are easily at the top of my least favorite list.  Also, I will share the things we are taking into our daily DD routine/rules.  Lastly, we “celebrated” the end of the immersion with getting my nipples pierced, which also has a fun story attached (although not as salacious as I had hoped it would be).

We have a few days to mentally and physically re-set and our son will be back home. Given that it is summer, our DD and TTWD will occur less frequently since our son will mostly be home.  DD is so inconvenient, but Mike and I have already devised a plan to make sure we don’t ignore it.

Next: 35. Calisthenics of Doom & a Tease