327. When the kids are away, the adults shall play

So much to share since my time away from blogging.  Let’s dive in and see where I take this. . .

Our son, J, is working on T1’s and E’s farm as a farmhand.  He has his own room at their place but he still looks at it as “just visiting.”  He keeps his room here at home and has been home about every other weekend for maybe 3-4 day stretches.  He is feeling so grown up as he gets paid for his work.  He also works for E’s cousin’s.  It’s such a perfect fit for him.  I am a bit concerned that it’s a lot to ask of T1 and E, but they enjoy his company and he is thriving.

WE ARE PRACTICALLY AN EMPTY NEST. 
As I first wrote about in Post 319, this has had a significant impact on TTWD.   And before I get into that, it has also had a big impact on Mike and me.   While J has spent time away from us before, he hasn’t done it for such long stretches and never where we were so 100% comfortable in knowing his needs were being fully addressed.   It’s like a tremendous responsibility has been lifted from our shoulders.  Clearly, we still feel accountable for providing him all that he needs, but we no longer feel 100% responsible for being the ones to provide it at every moment.

AS FOR TTWD!?!
Obviously, it’s made things easier.  No need to hide, no need to muffle and mute various noises.   Yes, immediate spankings have increased as there is no need to defer discipline after J is asleep or out of the house and no need to have to do things in the privacy of our bedroom.

And it’s not just discipline that can occur “in place.”  Sex can also go on in previous rare or off-limit locations.  Kitchen, couch, by the front door, in the garage, you name it.  Any place is fair game if the mood strikes.   I think collectively Kayla and I set several new records for the number of blow jobs Mike received in one day. Oh my!   And then, there was Immersion 2019!

IMMERSION 2019
For the fourth year, we set aside some time to venture beyond our normal boundaries for the sake of fun and exploration.   It was yet another learning experience that was a mix of fun and craziness that served to solidify some existing boundaries and break down others.

What is Immersion?  Check out our 2016 Immersion, or 2017, or 2018.

And like last year, Mike rented the “place in the woods” where we could get a change of scenery.  What didn’t change is the exploration and debauchery!  It’s become our custom to “name” our Immersions.  2017 was “The Forbidden Zone” and last year was “Got Milk?”  This year, it was “Take it to 11“

TAKE IT TO 11
When we sat down to talk about what we wanted from Immersion we all agreed that we would love to repeat as much of last year’s activities as possible –  and add to them! –
We wanted to push and even cross the line between humble and humiliation, shame and degradation. (Post 178 talks about the differences).    All three of us had this “go for it” energy and desire to just go crazy.   Hey, whoever  said, “Too late, you already are.”  I heard that!

We also enjoyed the “guests” we had had last year.  John and Donna, Matt, Mister and Nurse Ann.  Thus we extended invitations to them, including Matt’s girlfriend, Jillian.  And we asked Kim and TJ, Valerie and Raul, and Chelsea and Jaime.   15 kinksters gathering in a secluded get-away sounds like a set up for an X-rated sitcom.  Well, that sounds about right!

To be honest, while all of them took us up on the invite, they weren’t all together at the same time.  That was partly due to their own availability and partly intentional on our part.  They are each at different stages of their own exploration and frankly, it wouldn’t work to have them all together.

To keep this short and to the point

• We repeated practically every aspect of what we did last year, Got Milk and all!
• The three of us added some “Take it to 11” activities, exploring BDSM and deeper M/s activities (including consensual non-consent).  Further convincing me such activities are NOT for me regarding a day-to-day dynamic but still fun on a limited-time-only basis.
• We had different levels of playtime with our varying combination of guests.  Each providing some salacious tales to tell.

Each bullet item is a post by itself.  I think that third bullet could be multiple posts, depending on the level of detail I provide.   As for the first bullet, just re-read the posts last year to refresh your memory –  273 and 274.   As for the other two items – well, that will have to be for another post.

Next: 328: Immersion 2019: Take it to 11

318. Master Kayla. She no longer submits?

A family update

KAYLA IS A MASTER 
Kayla is a cunning linguist, a master of many tounges, and a master debater.  Yes, she has mastered many things.  And now it’s official!

We attended Kayla’s Commencement Ceremony regarding her M.B.A.  She is done with her formal education and is preparing to enter her adult working life.  But not quite yet!

When she first moved in with us over two years ago we felt that she might be with us up until she graduated.  We initially looked at our relationship with her as being a chapter in her life that she would want to end and graduating seemed like a good ending point.

Of course, we all ended up madly in love.  She totally meshed with our entire household vibe as well as my marriage beyond what we could have envisioned.  About a year ago we talked about our future together.  She made it clear to us that her desire was to stay a part of us with no arbitrary end date such as graduation, a birthday, or whatever.   She feels like a permanent part of us.  And we agreed 100%.   We really are three.   That led to our ceremony complete with a ring for Kayla.   We are in a long term committed relationship.   Period.

However, our situation requires meaningful, honest, and realistic discussions about what we want, both in the near term and in the long term.  We don’t speak of our relationship as “forever” as that seems unrealistic and unnecessary.  Mike is going to be 51 soon, and I’ll be 50.  And it’s not that age by itself matters, it is that life experiences matter and Kayla (24 in case you forgot) deserves experiences outside of what we can offer her.

Kayla admits at some point she may want to explore those experiences, but at the moment she can’t imagine that time.  She agrees it is probably “out there somewhere” but at the moment it is nowhere in sight.  She hates talking about the possibility of it and that’s the end of the conversation.

KAYLA THE MASTER STILL SUBMITS
Oh, and as for the tease in my title.   Kayla is as submissive today as ever.  She is Mike’s submissive in ways that go further than my submission.  It’s hard to quantify, but I would score our potpourri dynamic like this:

• Me and Mike:      44% DD, 40% D/s, 10% M/s, and 6% BDSM,
• Kayla and Mike: 10% DD, 35% D/s, 35% M/s, and 20% BDSM.

Honestly, I probably should score my DD a bit lower, but I find comfort in scoring it the way I did.  I think I like to believe it is still mostly rooted in Domestic Discipline, even though there is definitely a bigger Dominant/submissive and Master/slave element than ever before.  Hey, I can self-identify however I want, so leave me alone!  Hee-hee.

My point is Kayla is the more submissive one.  I struggle with the right term. The more “subjugated” one?  No, that doesn’t fit.  That has a connotation of “conquest” which clearly doesn’t apply.  Mike did not conquer either one of us   I believe we each forged a dynamic with Mike that has liberated us.  Liberated from the thoughts and behaviors that truly enslaved us and truly subjugated us.  Kind of reminds me of one of my fav posts, Post 30.  I found my Thrill.

Consider that paragraph a mini-rant!  Ha!  I haven’t ranted about submission in quite some time.  There was the October political rant, but it’s probably been more than a year since I last ranted about my journey.  Maybe next post?  I know some of you are like, “Jen, how about making it yet another year before your next rant?  Well, too bad.  It’s my blog and I’ll rant if I want to.

GRADUATION GIFT
I think somewhere in here I shared that when Kayla first moved in with us she was paying us rent.  While she worked an on-again/off-again part-time job, her dad sent her a check each month to help her out so she could focus on school without having to work much.  He committed to doing that until she finished her MBA program.  Also, both her parents committed to helping her pay for school.  Thankfully they didn’t end those commitments when she moved in with us.

We combining our finances at her request, I think about a year ago.  It was part of fully committing to us being three.   I posted about how we handle our finances in Post 181.  Domestic Financial Discipline.  That was prior to combining Kayla’s finances.  It basically still works the same way in that any money she received went into the “Bills” account and Mike determined how much would go into our “Day-to-Day” that she and I shared.  (It’s called Day-to-day, but it’s not a daily allowance.  You’ll have to read Post 181 for how it works).

Money can often be a point of contention, but it never has with us.  Kayla liked the arrangement as it made her feel more of us being three.  She still had money to spend but was equally accountable in making sure we stayed within our jointly allocated amount.  If exceptions were needed, whether she needed it or I did, we would talk to Mike and he would decide.    

What Kayla didn’t know (but I did), was that any amount she put in was actually not changing what Mike was putting into our Day to Day account.  Instead, he was putting it into a savings account he set up.   We really didn’t need the extra income and when she did have a few exceptional expenses (new car tires), unbeknownst to her, Mike just covered them with our money.  All along Mike planned to use all the money she contributed to our household as a graduation gift to her. 

She has given us money for 29 months.  And Mike threw in a little extra to make it a nice round number.  Let’s just say her graduation gift from us is allowing her to replace her old and dying car with a new one with a little to spare!  And as that gift really didn’t cost us anything, as we looked at it as the money we didn’t need, on top of that we told her we would pay for a trip for her and a friend to go anywhere in the U.S.   Kayla is planning a trip to NY City for her and Chelsea.

KAYLA’S KINK
Kayla’s age play (Post 279) has evolved over the last 8-9 months.  She has “aged-up” if that is the right term.  That is, she’s gone from an almost infant like play to more toddler play.  It’s not something she gets to do very often because of J in the house, and we find her some play time whenever we can.  A few times we have had visits from Nurse Ann to partake in both Mike and Kayla’s nursing desires.  Other than that, it’s been pretty much kink as usual.  She is much more into being restrained (tied up, shackled, etc) and lives for sex with two men at once (sometimes three).   

She has tremendous energy and is totally committed to Mike, always looking to serve his every need.  Wait,  he’s a man, there is no “every” need.  There’s just the “one” need.  As they say, every woman wants one man to fulfill her every need, and every man wants every woman to fulfill his one need.   And in our relationship, we call that an equitable arrangement!   

I am kidding.       Just a little.       Not much really.      

WHAT’S NEXT
Kayla has a job offer and they gave her the option of starting now or waiting until August.  At our encouragement, she opted for the August start date.   So she has two-and-a-half months to be completely free to do whatever, whenever.  Well, not whatever, per Mike’s moratorium, but who knows, Mike may give her a moratorium waiver as another gift.  Sounds funny so I’ll just have to say it, “Hey mom, for my graduation Mike’s letting me suck some stranger’s cock.”    Poor taste?

As for finances, she still plans on pooling her money with us, with two exceptions.  One, she will have a savings account that she is to put a set amount into once she starts working that is her’s long term but no using it without Mike’s permission.   And two, while the rest goes into our collective pot, there will be a nice increase in our Day-to-Day allowance.

And speaking of graduations, J will be graduating high school!  About two more weeks of school left.  I’ll share on my next post what we think his future holds.  Graduating high school comes with a lot of emotion.  It’s equal parts exciting, amazing, scary, anxiety-filled, and pit-in-your-stomach terrifying.  And that’s just how I feel about it!   As for him, he’s like, “No biggie, I got this.”   We shall see.

Next: 319. Empty Nest?

111. Domestic Discipline Styles: Jenny vs. Kayla

We all tried to think ahead of the potential surprises in store for us prior to Kayla moving in.  Well, we realized a blind spot in our prior thinking.

When I previously thought of Kayla coming to live with us, being submissive, and all that jazz, I thought of it mostly in the context of how she would fit in to my Domestic Discipline.  Mike and Kayla did as well.  We knew she would need and want some different things, but thought of it as mere tweaks. . . a little bend here, and little twist there. . . but basically having my DD as the foundation for hers.  Well that was dumb!   Of course, hindsight is always 20/20.

She has her own unique needs and desires. Some of her growing frustrations are a direct result of her trying to fit more into my “template” than simply creating her own from scratch. Don’t get me wrong, overall she is elated and amazed with her experience thus far, but it still includes some frustrations.  So, Kayla is taking another crack at better articulating , in a contract, what she wants and needs.  There isn’t any regret or animosity with this effort. It was simply a lesson learned for all of us. We all realize this is a discovery process for Kayla (and us) and what we discovered was that her needs and desires aren’t always met the same way mine are met. Duh!

Kayla’s DD has a bit more Discipline. . .
In just the three weeks since she moved in we have made many adjustments to address the needs Kayla is discovering. She is generally fine with the level of discipline and direction she receives from me – maybe a tad more than I started with, but not dramatically different.  But – she clearly wanted more and still wants more from Mike.  He has responded and is much more authoritarian with Kayla and much more picky – okay, I’ll say it – he is more mean.  But in a way she seems to respond to and enjoy.  Suffice to say, lots of spankings and other punishments!

He also lectures her more during a spanking than he does me. He also lectures her differently.   He often will pose things to her like, “Do you agree that what you did is….” “Therefore, do you agree that….,” “So, then you agree that you have earned such-and-such punishment?”   This approach has been helpful for Kayla. When she is left to infer something, she almost always infer negative thoughts. Mike’s approach basically explain the logic behind what is happening, leaving less to her imagination and fewer voids for her to fill with negative thoughts about herself.

Kayla tends to look at every punishment as a colossal failure on her part. This is one reason she feels she is so emotional and often starts crying well before being spanked.   Another major difference between her and I is that she deeply yearns for our approval, especially Mike’s.  We know Kayla tends to be a perfectionist and hard on herself. We have tried to remind her that a punishment is not an expression of our disapproval, and is about failing to meet the commits she made to herself.  We remind her that she doesn’t let us down, ever, and that she is not a failure, she is not defective, etc., etc. Despite this, she still feels the way she does. However, she says that in the short time she has been here she thinks she is becoming a little less hard on herself. To the extent her diminished level of crying represents progress, we agree she is improving. She still cries, even before some punishments begin, but not quite as much and she recovers faster.

Kayla has been quick to dispel any notions that the punishments are too much for her. She reassured us that whatever negative words she uses to describe her feelings when she fails, the punishments do not add to those negative feelings. In fact, she says she craves the punishment. She says she feels so good when it is over and we have our after care. She thinks the punishments act like an atonement and while those negative feelings may be present at the start, they are all gone by the end.   She says she has never had that before. No lingering shame, guilt, or embarrassment. Those feelings are replaced by all positive thoughts once she punished.  

We have to take her on her word on that, but I still don’t like that she has to go through those negative thoughts. That leads me to my realization that I need to remind myself that my DD is not Kayla’s DD.

Kayla’s DD is less selfish. . .
My DD is a bit selfish. It is about the terms I created and the commitments I made to myself.   It is that context that gives me my satisfaction from DD. Clearly, that is not Kayla. Kayla wants to serve others – primarily Mike.   She finds satisfaction through that service. She wants more direction and more rules. She wants a more authoritarian Dom. Her satisfaction comes from doing what is difficult and going above and beyond expectations. She has always been like that, but now, instead of lingering bad feelings when she fails, she feels absolved through punishment.  Instead of being demoralized in ruthless self-assessment and self-pity, she is “cleansed” and energized.

Not that I care to compare, but I realize that my version of DD is a bit lame. I say that in jest and with pride! I love my dynamic – and recognize that it is likely a bit more self-centered than most DD dynamics. I do call this blog, Domestic Discipline – Jenny Style! I created my DD to serve my needs. While it has evolved and Mike has broad discretion to do things I have not explicitly agreed to, I think with 25-years of marriage he sort of knows what I want and need.   While there have been times where what I “needed” went further than what I “wanted,” overall my limits have only been gently pushed, which is fine by me.    

Back to Kayla’s DD – Contrasting my dynamic, she wants to be pushed hard, she wants and needs more guidance, more feedback, more direction, more rules, and overall just more attention, good or bad. She has expressed that she doesn’t want to have to spell all these things out, and wants us to just push and push and she will let us know if we reach her limit.  So Mike and I have taken her at her word and stepped things up even more.

I’ve got to give kudos to Mike.  He is still able to be what I need him to be for me, while attending to Kayla’s evolving needs.  I think it helps that he and I are in it together with Kayla – although he does play a much larger role, he isn’t alone in addressing her needs.  

Kayla’s DD has a touch of M/s. . .
Kayla does a lot more “service” type work and is always looking to do more things. A bit like a M/s relationship, except she does so much on her own – and once she does them, she expects us to expect that she continues to do so. One of the more comical things was that the other day she was at the bathroom sink and Mike came in to pee. She said, “Let me help you with that, Sir.”   Mike was puzzled, and Kayla proceeded to wrap her arms around him from behind and reach over and unbutton, unzip, and pull down his pants. She aimed his penis at the toilet bowl and said, “Proceed when ready, Sir.” He told Mike that anytime she was around she is happy to help him this way, just let her know. And of course, now when he pees and he doesn’t call her over, she is very disappointed.

. . . and a touch of DD/lg
There are also some things that I am growing to identify as bordering on a DD/lg dynamic. I mentioned before our nighttime “tuck in” routine whenever she is sleeping in her room. It has become something she expects and needs and has been upset when it doesn’t occur. I actually physically tuck her in now and kiss her goodnight, and Mike will stop by her room when he is going to bed and whether she is asleep or awake, give her goodnight kiss and whisper goodnight.

One of her new favorite treats is being bathed by one of us. This started a few nights ago when she asked Mike to give her bath after a particularly intense Maintenance Session.  And it hasn’t just been Mike as the other night she asked if I would give her the bath. She says it is one of the most rewarding feelings she gets. Knowing she enjoys it does motivate us to want to do it for her, and, this new “privilege” can be taken away as punishment if needed.  And there’s more…

When she sleeps in her own room she asked me to come and wake her in the morning versus her setting her alarm, then she asked me to pick out her clothes, then, it led to her asking me to dress her. We had to adjust our morning routine a bit to wake up a little bit earlier so that I can do this for her.  DD, M/s, DD/lg, or whatever the label, I chalk it all up to simply helping define DD, Kayla style!  

Perfect Timing!
Kayla really came to us at a good time.   Had this occurred earlier, I would have not been ready to give up any of my energy to focus on Kayla nor would I have been ready for Mike to give up his focus and energy on me.  I can only imagine how miserable things would be if this all happened a year earlier, even just six months earlier. I could hear my prior self say, “I’ve got enough to deal with that I have to wake up five minutes early to deal with Kayla’s sh*t!”   Yep, it wouldn’t have been pretty. Things are humming along in my life that I welcome the opportunity to help nurture and support Kayla.

Oh – by the way, let me throw this little factoid in —

Mike has to go out of town – to Orlando – for a business meeting in February. Kayla asked if she could join him. Mike asked me my thoughts. I told him he did not need to seek my permission.  He didn’t like that answer and basically forced a direct answer from me. “Yes, I think it is a great idea. You all should think of it as an extended date or better yet, an extended scene. Pretend she is your wife, or girlfriend, or whatever. Really have some fun with it.”   I don’t think Mike fully believed me.   “Mike, I have to be honest and I am being honest. You know how excited I got when you went on that date with Donna. This even tops that. Really, I want this for you and for Kayla.”

So with that, Kayla will be going with him on this trip.

Oh, and speaking of Donna – I haven’t mentioned John and Donna in a while. Yes, they are around. Yes, we still see them. Perhaps more on that on my next post!?!    

NEXT: 112.  Pillow Talk

102. Sharing Salacious Spanking Stories

Say this five time as fast as you can:  — Sharing several salacious spanking stories. —

Not quite a tongue twister, but a nice alliteration none-the-less. Whatever it is, it is my mantra for today.

REFLECT AND SET THE SITUATION
Before I share, I’ll first do my favorite thing and reflect. Kayla moved in Monday, the 26^th. With one son home from college on break and the other off for another week, it’s been difficult to be overly submissive. We have had to rely on certain nods of the head or other gestures to communicate the need to talk or point out something that is best not said aloud with our present company. Not the best way to start things for Kayla, but she got a nice “introduction” late last week as I shared in my prior post. However, that’s not to say Kayla and I haven’t found ways to remain submissive or be punished. (That didn’t come out right – we don’t look for ways to get spanked – I meant when a spanking was deserved, we found ways to get the spanking done.

Thankfully John and Donna have been accommodating in allowing us to come over and use their house. We jokingly tell John and Donna that we need to “pee pee” as in the abbreviations P. P. for “punishment privacy.”  There’s been a lot of deferred punishments as we have run out of excuses to our kids for running over to John and Donna’s.  It is also a bit humorous when there is a window of opportunity and we scurry to get spanked before the window closes.  My older son, T2, may decide to take J somewhere, or, J may be doing something we me or Kayla, allowing Mike to be with either Kayla or me as needed.  In a pinch, Mike has even delegated to me on administering a spanking to Kayla so that the spanking not be delayed too long.  

I’ve talked to Kayla a lot about how she is feeling and how things are stacking up against her expectations. Overall she says she is doing great but does feel an anxiousness over the desire to really get into a submissive routine.  That routine is challenged by the holiday traffic in our house. She said the experience of the spankings she got late last week have her craving for more. Not specifically more spankings, but just more submission. I sense her uneasiness and anxiety is a bit like the sub-frenzy I went through at one point. There is an addiction to the endorphins and other chemicals that the body naturally produces and it takes some time for that to level out.

I continued to be amazed at how committed she is to this and how she did all she could to prepare. She shared a lot of the stuff she read about online regarding not just DD or D/s but on all sorts of dynamics.  She certainly researched it more than I did when I adopted this lifestyle.   For me there was this sudden connection and attraction to DD that strongly resonated with me. I just knew it was the “thing” for me.

It was and is different for Kayla. She wasn’t looking for something like this. I opened her to the idea when I shared my lifestyle with her. While I did not suggest or infer she adopt it, she said it really intrigued her. She wants to be sexually adventurous but in a safe manner, and she wants to explore different aspects of herself, again, in a safe a manner.  She knows she has some mild neuroses and could easily make some poor choices in trying to cope with it and this exploring could be bad for her if not done safely.

Kayla has been very comfortable in being open and honest  about her feelings. She hasn’t hesitated to share what is on her mind, even when the subject is uncomfortable such as sexual desires. I won’t share all of them with you, but she did admit she is open to exploring more, such as what I did with my M/s Immersion, or in attending some FetLife functions – but all within the safety she feels with Mike and I being present. She said she is no hurry to do those things, and wants to first get into a “submissive groove” with Mike and I.

Kayla has been good at sharing her feelings when we talk in a more reflective or contemplative fashion.  However, she is still unsure of how to articulate her feelings “in the moment.”   What we’ve learned and that she has acknowledged is that she second guesses herself in the moment and is afraid to say anything as it may be “wrong.”  

She philosophically understands that a feeling is a feeling and while they could be insensitive or misplaced, they are never wrong.  Despite that understanding, her tendency is to say nothing at all.  She then lets it fester while she tries to figure out the “right” feeling in her mind.  She then tends to be far more critical of herself, bestowing an inadequacy on herself that in her mind was the cause for the incident.  If she learns to express herself in the moment and engage in a dialogue, I believe she will find that more often than not the situation can resolve itself right there.  No need for second guessing or beating herself up later – and, that the other person’s reaction will be far less critical of her (if at all), than she is of herself.  Easier said than done. I know (as does she) that this habit was born out of how to best survive in an environment that did not react well to dialogue.

OKAY – NOW SOME SALACIOUS SPANKING STORIES!
Let’s see – how about the first time I spanked Kayla!   But first, let me remind you of a few things.  Kayla’s contract is structured like mine when it comes to the types of Rewards (aka spankings). There are Immediate, Prompt, and Delayed Rewards. There is a Rewards Ceremony that outlines how they are administered. Immediate Rewards are given on the spot with a fast paced spanking (“shock and awe” as we call it). After an initial set of spankings, we must state why we received the spanking. If we are able to correctly state why we earned it, then we get a second and final spanking. If we are unable to do so, we get a second spanking, followed by an explanation as to why we earned it, then followed by a third and final spanking.

The first time I spanked Kayla was for cussing. Call us prudes but neither Mike nor I are big cussers. Neither of our parents cussed much and it just isn’t in our nature. Not to say we haven’t let the occasional curse word fly, but it is rare. Added to this is that J really gets freaked out when he hears a cuss word. It is typically more about the emotion in which they are said than it is the actual word, but he actually gets angry and quite animated when he hears someone cuss. Thus, we try extra hard to avoid it.  

On Christmas Eve her and I were home alone for a bit when Kayla dropped her phone and said, “Oh, Fu*k!”  While I agree that when you see your phone rapidly descending towards the floor it is worthy of an “Oh Fu*k” moment, we just can’t have that.  We were in the kitchen and this called for an Immediate Reward. I grabbed a wooden spoon and quickly walked her to our front living room so I could peek out the window to see if a car pulled up.  I told her to drop her pants and bend over the chair. I gave her quick and hard swats. She correctly stated why she was being punished, so I gave her the second set of 15 and that was that.

She was very squirmy on the second set and many times let out an “Ow!” She didn’t cry but was teary eyed. We did our aftercare and all was forgiven.   As has been our process with Kayla, I asked her how she felt about me spanking her. At first she gave the typical, “Fine.” I asked her to “elaborate.” If you read the prior post, when Kayla is asked to “elaborate” it means she has one more chance at expressing herself or will be spanked. Her response showed frustration as it was something like, “Okay, I feel okay with it. Like, of course you are going to spank me and yes I deserved it. So of course I am okay with it.”

I didn’t like her answer and told her to pull her pants back down. I gave her 25 by hand. She was now crying.  I held her for a bit and then asked her again how she felt about it.   She said her initial feeling was that it was unfair. But she didn’t want to say those words because she knows it was fair, but still couldn’t help feeling that it wasn’t. Her phone is fairly new and she had already broken one recently and didn’t want the grief of breaking another. She also felt that 30 with the spoon was too much and they were too hard, and then to get the 25 by hand on top of that. Add to that the embarrassment of getting spanked by me for the first time and how angry I looked and it was all too much.

Now, before the SRC (Submissive Rules Committee) imposes a fine for allowing a submissive to question a punishment, let me remind you SRC members that Kayla has special dispensation to do so. We encourage her to let out her feelings, unfiltered, unedited (except no cussing), and “in the moment” until such time it seems appropriate to do otherwise.

I thanked her for being open and honest and told her I was pleased that she opened up. I purposely didn’t try to address any specific issue such as her trying to justify the cussing due to concerns of the phone breaking, or for me to try to justify or apologize for how I spanked her.  Those are not the issue, and she knows it. It isn’t about trying to “score” her reasons on some rationalization table. It is simply about allowing her to vent, accepting her rant without judgement, and moving on.  In other words, validate her feelings, independent of whether the facts are valid.  

The release of emotions made her cry even more and I held her for some time until she calmed down. I reminded her how beautiful she was and how much we loved her and were happy to have her as part of the family. Surprisingly, she then asked me how I felt about being the spanker versus the spankee. In a joking tone I said, “Fine,” upon which she jokingly responded, “Elaborate.”

It felt good – better than I had anticipated. I both experienced it as Kayla and as Mike. I experienced it as Kayla in-so-much as when I see any spanking I relate to the spankee. I feel a bit of the sting and endorphin rush that they are feeling. I feel their submission and I identify with that submission.  In this case, I identified with Kayla but also with Mike. The sensation of the spoon on my hand, or my hand on her buttocks, was new. I’ve spanked Donna before but either in play or on behalf of John.  My feelings surprised me as going in my thought was I would simply feel as if I was the submissive, spanking her because Mike allowed it.  But no, in spanking Kayla I was not just doing as a Dom asked, I was the Dom.  In addition, I was not just anyone’s Dom, I was Kayla’s. That means a lot to me.   I jokingly said, “Is that sufficient elaboration.”   Kayla responded, “Yes, Ma’am, it is.”

All spanked out!
Wow, so okay, that was just one spanking story and I promised several.   Sorry to disappoint, but this post is getting long. I’ll share more in another post.

It’s hard for me to be succinct and just give the facts on the spanking. I feel compelled to give the reflection and reaction as well. As I said all the way back in Post 13, that’s just how I am. In keeping with my blog’s name, this is Domestic Discipline, administered and shared “Jenny Style.”   Enjoy!

NEXT: 103. Curious Cat

40. Kink in Routine / Reflections

A KINK IN OUR ROUTINE!
Ha. Not the kind of kink you were expecting — I’ve mentioned before that our Domestic Discipline lifestyle has been challenged a bit lately as our youngest it out of school and our middle child is home for a few weeks before returning to college for a summer semester.

It was a bit of a crazy adjustment as we went from our “normal” DD, to our M/s experiment, then to this modified DD as the kids are home. . .practically no more immediate punishments and only a few Prompt ones as well. Most all are Delayed until night time. (See my DD Contract re Immediate, Prompt and Delayed). Delayed ones are less gratifying for sure, and sometimes it isn’t practical to give multiple Rewards all at one time.  We’ve adjusted by having more non-spanking Rewards…getting sent to my room and I’ll have to do nipple clamps, breast bindings, and/or anal plugs for an extended period of time while I stand in the corner. This way I can lock the door, there is no noise, and Mike and I aren’t suspiciously locked in the room together for an extended period of time.   These type of punishments are uncomfortable, but I’d prefer a spanking. Spankings are more intimate and can be given more quickly.  Non-spanking punishments are typically a minimum of 30 minutes.   Oh well, the sacrifices we make for our children. Ha!

REFLECTION
We will have our Maintenance Session in about an hour and it has me in a reflective mood. I took the time to read back through all my posts. It was a great opportunity to get back into what was in my head throughout this journey, especially at the beginning.

I got into DD because I felt it would give me clarity and structure that was greatly lacking.   It did that, even better than I imagined it would. For about a year our DD slowly progressed, and then several things happened about the time I started blogging that put that progression in overdrive.   I think it was related to my blogging because the process of sharing and posting everything gave me a sense of acceptance. Even though there aren’t a ton of followers, and even if there were none, somehow my blog was like this declaration of who I am and what I want. In making that declaration, I was emboldened to try even more things.

However, as I went through this Subfrenzy, my appetite for greater submission actually created a distraction and lack of clarity. I was unclear where I wanted our DD to go, and focusing my energies on that was a distraction. I am happy to say that while I do love my submission, I no longer have that “frenzied” feeling. And our M/s experiment has helped draw in some boundaries. The best boundary that I’ve found is that I want to keep our DD focused on Mike and I. I only want him to spank me, and while I am open to sexual exploration with others, I always want Mike to be there. I need him to be a constant in everything I do. We can still do things with John and Donna, and others, but Mike must be there. I don’t want an M/s relationship, although we are adding a few things, such as the vocabulary, to our DD when our kids are not around. We’ve both found it to fun and I like the level of commitment it takes on my part. Just another form of submission.

Our DD has become highly sexualized, as I posted in here. I believe that is here to stay, and Mike and I are fine with that.   We look at is as a “bonus” as we both greatly enjoy all the sexual exploration we’ve had to date, and look forward to what is to come.   So, our DD continues, stronger than ever, with as much enjoyment as ever, as I continue to flourish under it.   It continues to accomplish all that I set out.

Next: XXX-mas in July

36. Vocabulary Lesson: Fetch the Rubber Paddle

It’s been hectic lately. With school out our youngest is home all day and our middle child is home for about two more weeks before he heads back for a summer session at college. We’ve had to modify our DD a bit. As I’ve said a few times before, TTWD can be inconvenient with kids around. Enough about that, let me get back to sharing our M/s immersion experiment.

In this post I will share my greatest challenge during the immersion. It isn’t what you would likely guess. It all had to do with vocabulary. Oh, by the way, I didn’t forget that I promised to share my most humbling and horrific experience from the immersion. I will share that on my next post. I need to build up the courage to share that, and think through how I can delicately address it.

So, the most challenging — Mike came up with some vocabulary rules for me. One of which is that I must acknowledge I heard whatever he last said. I do so by verbally answering, not just nodding my head.   My answer must refer to him as “Sir,” and I must rephrase or repeat what he said as a way of conveying I heard him completely. Only then could I add my response or answer to his question. I also had to speak clearly and confidently without hesitation.

It sounded something like this:

Mike: “Jen, I need a sandwich.”
Jen: “What kind would you like?”

Mike: “That’s one. Remember, how to properly phrase your responses to me.”
Jen: “Yes sir, you need a sandwich, what kind would you like?”

Mike: “That’s two. The last thing I stated was about how to properly phrase a response. It was not about my sandwich.”
Jen: “Yes, sir, I will remember how to properly phrase my responses to you.”

Mike: “Will you?  Well, that’s three because my last statement was not about telling you to remember anything, it was to point out that my prior statement was about how to properly phrase a response.”
Jen: “Yes sir, you were not telling me to remember anything, you were pointing out your statement about how to properly phrase a response.”

Mike: “Good girl, you got it right.”
Jen: Silence.

Mike: “That’s four. You failed to respond to what I said.
Jen (meekly): Yes sir.   That was four as I failed to respond. That you sir for acknowledging I got it right.

Mike: “Okay, but that’s five because you responded too softly. I must hear you clearly and hear conviction in what you say.”
Jen (boldly): “Yes sir, it is five. I must speak clearly.”

Mike: “About that sandwich”
Jen: “Yes sir, you would like a sandwich. What kind would you like me to make?”

Mike: “Ham and cheese with lettuce and tomatoes would be good.”
Jen: “Sir, shall I toast your bread?”

Mike: “That’s six.”
Jen: “Sorry Sir, yes, that’s six. Sir would like ham, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes. Would you like me to toast your bread, Sir?”

and so on!

There were many examples like this one, some went on a very long time where I would actually get up to “10” in one basic conversation.   I got better at it but it was not until about half way through the immersion that I actually got good at it.

Oh, and what did the “6” or “10” or whatever number refer to?  There were two punishments attached to that number. When Mike felt the particular exchange was concluded, he would have me fetch the “rubber paddle.” This was one of several new implements he ordered. I would bring it to him and he would immediately administer the number of swats that corresponded to whatever number of vocabulary infractions I had during that conversation.   We then had a paper posted on the refrigerator that kept a running tally of my vocabulary infractions (and when we went out, I carried a notepad to keep tally).   Each time I got to 10, he would then administer the Jumping Jacks of Doom.

We couldn’t continue this vocabulary rule into our daily life, but I am now in the habit of always calling him Sir when the kids aren’t around and out of habit I have even do so several times in front the kids. I had done it before in front of our youngest and he never commented or seemed to think anything of it, but our middle child did. I just chalked it up to being playful and silly (which is true, just not all the truth).

Oh, and I’ll comment about this rubber paddle. I hate it. It is odd.  The sting from it is not all that greater than other items, but it seems to have a longer lasting effect. The sting seems to stay around for quite a bit after the spanking. It makes my ass a bit raw and thus not only stings for longer, but if I get spanked again soon after, that spanking stings a whole lot more than usual, regardless of what implement is used.   I don’t know if this is due to the type of paddle, how Mike is using it, or just how my ass reacts to it. Whatever the reason, it is not a favorite of mine.

Next: 37. Uggh.  Assistance with Activities of Daily Living. 

 

38. Bow-chicka…Nope! plus Tattoo Parlor Confessions

I’ve got so many stories from our experiment to share and since tonight is a rare night with time on my hands, I will share two more.  These are related as the both involve some exhibitionism.  Exhibitionism is pretty tame compared to my prior stories, so I doubt these will be very titillating, but they do serve as another footnote in TTWD.

Bow-chika wow wow?
Mike called a plumber to fix a problem with our water heater.  Naturally I thought I would either get dressed or just wait in our bedroom until he left.  Mike thought otherwise. He told me I would remain nude and I would be the one to explain the problem to the plumber as he was giving me permission to speak as necessary in order to converse with the plumber. When the plumber arrived Mike had a brief talk with him, just in case the plumber saw one too many pornos and was thinking “bow-chicka wow wow” he would understand this was “bow-chicka nope!” He gave the plumber some story that I lost a bet and had to stay naked.  He told the plumber there was nothing sexual about it, and that he needs to treat it matter-of-fact as if I was clothed.  He asked the plumber if he had a problem with that and if he did, he would have me wait in another room.  The plumber actually joked, “Is she good looking? “ And then laughing said he would be “cool with that.”

Mike let him in and I met him just outside our pantry, where our water heater is located.  In the most casual and normal way I could muster, I said, “Let me show you where it is.”   I walked him over to the water heater and explained the problem. All the while Mike was just standing there smiling.  The guy would say something but look over at Mike and Mike would quickly say, “Talk to her, she is handling this.”   I could tell the guy was more embarrassed than I was.  The rest of his service call was uneventful, and after checking it all out he said we just need a new water heater. It was so funny because I could feel the muscles in his eyes struggling to stay focused on my face.   Finally, as he was leaving, I said, “okay, you’ve been such a great sport about it go ahead and take a good look at my boobs and body.”   He looked over at Mike and Mike said, “Obviously I don’t mind as I invited you in knowing she was naked.  Go ahead and have your look.”  With that he gave me about a five-second once-over look and blushed even more.  He then seemed very eager to return and reassured us they’ll call as soon as the replacement arrived and he and a coworker would come to install it.  Mike and I joked that when he returns with a partner to help with installing the new heater, I’ll be fully clothed and if the guy mentions anything about me being naked before we will act like he is crazy and deny it, just to mess with him.

Tattoo Parlor Confessions  (technically a nipple piercing, not a tattoo).
We celebrated the end of our M/s immersion with me getting my nipples pierced.  It was actually the last day of our experiment so the M/s rules still applied.  When we got to the place we had to decide between 12 or 14-gauge (went with 14 as that is what they recommended) as well as pick out some jewelry. I had to follow our vocabulary rules anytime Mike asked me a question, including calling him Sir.  When they would ask me a question, I would answer, “Whatever Sir wants.”   This was uncomfortable for me, but I psyched myself up for it by imagining I was in a play and was simply playing a role.  The gal helping us caught on pretty quick and started directing her questions to Mike.

There was a young couple there and the young woman was considering piercing her nipples and her boyfriend was definitely encouraging her.  She was being hesitant so Mike asked her if it would help if she watched as I got it done. Mike told them that her boyfriend was welcomed to watch too.  They agreed.

When we were ready the girl at the desk took us to the back, although it really wasn’t behind anything. It was an open area and the piercing and tattoo stations were more like open cubicles.  They did have one private room and offered it, but Mike declined.  She had me sit with Ramon and I took my top and bra off and away he went.  The pain was tolerable and they’ve healed nicely – still just a tad tender, and I am still getting used to having them – ouch, when a towel catches on them!  In the scheme of things, this story is a bit of a yawner.  Nothing crazy happened and I got the sense that women drop their tops in this place all the time.

Maybe Ramon was more entertained.  Not by the boob-show, but by the conversation.  Right after mine, we got to watch the young lady get hers done.  They asked us a lot of questions about our relationship, specifically asking if it was a “Fifty shades” thing.   Mike told them it was something like that, but that each dominant/submissive relationship was different and he went into honest details about our DD, that we were experimenting with a master/slave dynamic and the piercing was to celebrate the end of that experiment.  The girl especially had lots of questions.  She admitted to liking to be spanked and when her blushing boyfriend said that he spanked her sometimes, she said, “Uh, your love taps don’t count as a spanking.”  While it didn’t seem like DD would be their thing, it was clear to me that she has some harder spankings in her future.  Ramon must have been very entertained by our entire conversation.  I think HBO should do a series like the old Taxicab Confessions but call it Tattoo Parlor Confessions.

Next:  39. What’s in a Name?  A Spanking!

37. Uggh! Assistance with Activites of Daily Living

Yea! I have some unexpected free time and get to do another post today. In typical Jenny style, I can’t just jump in and share my most dreadful experience during our immersion. It needs a little set up.

I already shared the most challenging rule of the immersion and now I will share the most humbling.

When Mike and I first talked about what our immersion would be like, we talked about how far he should push things. Mike had shared several ideas with me prior to our immersion, but I told him not to tell me everything he had planned. I wanted there to be the element of shock and awe.   And for everything he did share I was quick to reassure him I was comfortable with those things and was willing to go deeper. I told him to go far, even if he felt it was humiliating to me. I told him I don’t and wouldn’t look at any of the things he was thinking of as humiliating. I vividly remember telling him that I would take anything he thought was humiliating and at worst I would just likely be humbled by it, not humiliated.  Well, I guess I lied. After all, humbled, mortified, and embarrassed, are all meanings of the word humiliated, and I felt all of those things.

Mike had this idea that I could not be responsible for any of my self-care; eating, dressing, bathing, and yes, using the bathroom.

Eating: I would fix Mike’s meal and he would eat it as I waited, kneeling nearby, getting up only to fetch anything else he needed. When he was done I would clean up, and then could make myself something. I would bring it over to Mike and then kneel down next to him.   He would cut my food and feed me. I could not use my hands at all, even to use a napkin. (There were a few times Mike “invited” me to dine with him as a special treat, although frankly, it was probably because feeding me was pretty tedious). A few times we had John and Donna over and they would take turns feeding me. Oh, keep in mind I also had a standing rule at all times that I could never speak unless spoken to.

Dressing: I was always naked when we were home, but we did go out in public a few times during our immersion (those outings can be another story I can share). Mike would pick out my clothes and dress me. He really couldn’t handle my hair and would call Donna over to brush and fix it nicely. Oh, and when we got home, I couldn’t undress myself. He had to undress me.

Bathing: I could not lift a hand and had to be bathed by someone else. It included a very thorough washing and drying of every nook and cranny. The water was always cold, except one night when Mike rewarded me with a warm bath.  Mike also enlisted the help of both John and Donna.   Sometimes Mike would bathe me, other times it was John and other times it was Donna. While John had seen me naked before – heck, he has seen me masturbate – having him bathe me was a bit eerie.   Mike was not present when one of them would bathe me so it seemed a bit more personal, a bit more intimate. And again, I could never speak unless spoken to.   One time I said something to John and when he reported it to Mike, Mike had John spank me for the infraction.

Bathroom: This was the most shocking and humbling and yes, I will say humiliating. Having to always ask permission to use the bathroom was no big deal. It was the only time I could speak without being spoken to. What was a big deal is that I couldn’t use the bathroom alone. Someone, usually Mike, always had to be with me. Worst yet, I could not attend to certain things on my own. Okay, I’ll just say it. I was not allowed to wipe myself. When it came to #2, Mike thought such a task was not going to fall on him either, so, I had to call Donna when I needed assistance with that. Yes, just imagine the phone call. “Donna, this is Jen, can you come over and wipe me?” There were a few times Donna was not available and Mike made me call and ask John. Luckily, John declined the invitation each time. I guess he even has limits. Ha!   But Donna didn’t have the luxury of declining. John loved the idea of her having to do this that he soon had me return the favor and Donna was calling me when she needed assistance.   Of course, this was the first thing I said had to go once our immersion was over. I was not going to carry this over to become routine.

So, there it is.   I wasn’t going to share this one but Mike reads my blog and insists I share. Uggh!

I imagine there can’t possibly be anything that would be more difficult for me to share than what I just shared with you (or is there?).

Next: 38. Bow-chicka NOPE!  plus Tattoo Parlor Confessions

35. Calisthenics of Doom (and a tease on more to come).

I have a lot to share from our 10-day M/s immersion, so much so that I am not sure where to start. I will say that there was one element of what we did that I found the most horrific. Horrific in the sense of it being dreadful, pushing the envelope on what I would allow. Horrific in that it was shocking to me that Mike came up with it (and John and Donna went along with it), venturing into embarrassment and teetering on disgraceful. However, in the end though, like most things, within a few days I got used to it and while still shocking, it became routine.   What was is that Mike had me do? Well, I will just tease you for now and leave it at that, and share the specifics on another post. For one, I still need to build up the nerve to share it.

So, what I will share today is this less disconcerting aspect of our fun – two new punishment techniques.

By the way, while I still occasionally refer to my punishments as “rewards” and we still follow our Reward protocol per our Contract, I pretty much always just refer to them as punishments now. I think the term has lost the stigma I previously attached to it. Actually, after our immersion, pretty much everything lost its’ stigma with me. I am now far less sensitive about the words I use to describe TTWD. Perhaps I shouldn’t be as words are power (as I’ve mentioned on several posts).  I have wanted you to be able to understand my perspective on things and thus have tried to be careful with my words so that they convey the meaning I want to convey to you.  Call it lazy, as at this moment I am not wanting to invest in finding the perfect words to use.  I prefer to call it confidence – as I am less concerned about people misconstruing some element(s) of TTWD.  Anyway, it’s a bit of futile effort as we all attach different meanings to words, even the ones I diligently select.

Enough babbling.  Here’s the fun stuff –

So Mike came up with this “push up” position for certain spankings. He would strike me as I would assume the position as if I was doing a push up. If my knees touched the ground, he would start over. My arms got quite a workout. That’s one way to build upper body strength!   This position is now part of our repertoire to be used as Mike sees fit – and lately it is a favorite of his.

Then there is the dreaded “I-don’t-know-what-to-call it.” Perhaps, “the jumping jacks of doom?” He got me these new nipple clamps that are more like clips that have very heavy ends to them. I start out with “earning” 100 strokes and then have to try and do 10 jumping jacks without hesitating or stopping. For each one I do, 10 strokes are removed from the punishment. I never made it past 5 jumping jacks. Those clips start to really tug and burn, even after just one jump. Mike has become deviously creative!  Luckily we put the use of this one on hold as my nipples adjust to their new piercings.

I’ll end by sharing a bit about how Mike handled the immersion.  He handled it beautifully. I was clear to him up front that I wanted him to feel completely free to do and try anything and that if there was any moment where he thought I would be mad at him, he should remember that I promised him, in advance, that I would not ever be mad.  If he had a moment of doubt I asked him to think of me on his shoulder saying, “Yes, Mike, I want you to try that.”  The only hard limit I put on him was that scat was off limits. I felt silly telling him that but, not only did I mean it, but I think actually giving him a boundary, as far out as it was, was helpful for him to understand that everything else was acceptable to me. Beyond that one hard limit, the only limits were his imagination and my threshold for pain.

Next – 36. Vocabulary Lesson:  Fetch the Rubber Paddle

34. M/s immersion complete

Immersion complete!

I don’t know where to start or what to share first.  I believe it will take many posts to share some of the ups and down of our foray into a Master/slave dynamic.

To summarize, it was exhilarating and exhausting, arousing and mundane, sensible and absurd.  While always in the veil of serving Mike, it also had moments of self-absorption and self-reflection.  Overall it was a positive experience and I am glad we did it.

I learned that M/s is not for us; however, there are elements we are taking back to what now appears to us as our tame and “normal” domestic discipline arrangement.

I’ll share some specifics on future posts but want to share now that the most surprising part of it for me was how physically demanding it was.  I had thought of quitting at one point as I was just exhausted.  I was trying hard to not show my fatigue but Mike could clearly see it.  The night of day 7 he allowed me to take a warm bath, (all bathing prior to this was with cold water).  He then put me to bed early and put a blindfold on me, put on some sound effect app that played the sound of water rushing through a river, and he turned out the lights.  In addition to going to bed early, I got to sleep until I woke up on my own.  That rest and lovely gesture was just the medicine I needed as I was ready to take on the last three days with a full head of steam.

As a tease, some of the more interesting stories were when we needed a plumber and Mike made me stay naked during the service call, or some of the things Mike and John worked out regarding me and Donna, or our attending two FetLife functions, or the several new toys/implements Mike surprised me with.  Mike also came up with two new punishment techniques, both of which are easily at the top of my least favorite list.  Also, I will share the things we are taking into our daily DD routine/rules.  Lastly, we “celebrated” the end of the immersion with getting my nipples pierced, which also has a fun story attached (although not as salacious as I had hoped it would be).

We have a few days to mentally and physically re-set and our son will be back home. Given that it is summer, our DD and TTWD will occur less frequently since our son will mostly be home.  DD is so inconvenient, but Mike and I have already devised a plan to make sure we don’t ignore it.

Next: 35. Calisthenics of Doom & a Tease