317. Contrast on a theme of sexual aesthetics

Look at me!  Two posts in two days!

Not sure why I chose this image.  I believe the ridiculousness of it spoke to me and summed up a theme of this post.  “To each their own” as it pertains to what turns you on, even if it is a clown in a bathroom with a pretty woman and massive stacks of Benjamins.   Now that’s a unique fetish!

This post is a bit weird, but I am in a weird mood.

TURN IT TO 11
Full disclosure — All 11 of us have yet to get together at the same time.  There always seems to be a couple or two that can’t make it on any particular gathering, but I am sure it will happen at some point.   Hey, football season is right around the corner! 

Speaking of sex, we actually have dialed down our sex lives a tad.  It’s definitely been at 11 since about the start of this year (not as in 11 people, but as, dialed up to 11.  Just click the “been at 11” link).  Maybe that’s why I haven’t been posting as much.  I am exhausted.  hee-hee.   We’ve explored some new sexual terrain in the last five months.   We played with some other couples that we met at a swingers club.

It was interesting and different than some of the FetLife connections we made in the past.   While I am sure our experiences are unique to the specific groups of people with whom we met, I wonder if our observations could be consistently applied across the board?   I hate labels as they are always incomplete and full of exceptions.  But they do help ground us and convey what we are thinking.   So here it goes.

TO FET OR TO SWING? THAT IS THE QUESTION
I think Tofet Ortoswing would be a cool name of a character.  What nationality does that sound most like?   Is that a male name or female?   I digress.

We felt the swingers club was a more sophisticated and conservative group.  I don’t mean that in a political sense, although come to think of it, that could be a part of it.  It felt a bit more upscale, sophisticated, and at times, even fake.   Whereas FetLife functions were more blue-collar, more casual, more real.

I guess women in cupless leather bustiers and men with no underwear and crotchless pants lend themselves to a more raw aesthetic than women in a dress with a hint of cleavage and men in kakis and a blazer.

Maybe fake is a bit too harsh of a word.  I struggle to articulate it.  There was nothing fake about the sex and swapping.  Subdued?  A bit methodical, bordering on play-acting or pretending?   A bit more rehearsed!  Yes, that’s getting closer to describing it.  The Swing club seemed to have unspoke protocols that no one could articulate, but everyone knew existed.  A level of politeness and formality.    That’s it!  Subdued, polite, formal. 

Contrast that with our FetLife gatherings.  Spontaneous, authentic, and free-flowing.   No rules other than respect everyone’s likes and dislikes and the way you found out what they liked or didn’t like is this trick called “asking.”  You just put it all out there, nothing is unspoken.  Sharing what’s on your mind can come across noisy, impolite, and informal.

RESPECT!
I respect both vibes and enjoyed both of them.  It makes sense that they would be different.

Just think about what draws people to each of those scenes.   FetLife is simply more fetish related.  After all, it is Fetlife.   And the ranges of fetishes are immense and very diverse.  Gatherings are about exploring and enjoying not just your particular fetish, but in observing all the other kinky shit that is out there.  It makes you feel normal and more confident about your fetishes because as we all know, everyone’s kink is disgusting, except your own.

Swingers tend to be more singularly focused on one fetish – swapping.  And the swapping seems to be more straight sex.   Missionary.  Doggie.  Oral.  Yes, exceptions exist, but that sums up about 90% of it.  The variable is mostly limited to whether you watch your partner or do you swing separately?   By the way, I am not complaining nor dissing the Swing-scene.  There is a huge thrill in swinging and we thoroughly enjoyed it.  I am just trying to articulate the differences all three of us felt.

Oh, and we were also a bit odd in that “we” were three.   It made us a bit of the “freaks” with the Swingers.  Not in an uncomfortable way, although I assume some people could have been made to feel uncomfortable with that vibe.  Not us.  We reveled in it.  And it led to a lot of fun!  A lot of wives and girlfriends playfully joking with their partners, “Hey, no fair, this swap is a two for one and I am just getting the one.”   Swapping humor!

TURN IT DOWN A NOTCH OR TWO, (BUT NOT THREE)
After several months at “11,” Mike called for us to cool it down a bit.  He felt we were getting a bit sex-crazed, and he was right.  It was feeling a bit like an addiction.

We were all looking forward to our next adventure, but that anticipation was more than just a craving, it was becoming a “can’t live without it” lusting.  While all three of us had it, Kayla really had it the worst, but none of us were immune.  Mike noticed a decrease in our level of tolerance for everyday things and towards each other.  We were all a bit more irritable and both mine and Kayla’s bottoms became clear evidence of the consequences of that irritability.

While perhaps it wasn’t related to a sex-seeking frenzy, once Mike said something about it, it resonated as true to all of us.  We recognized it and agreed we were becoming very focused on when our next play session would be with anyone other than our Circle of Trust (COT).   The result was Mike has put a moratorium on any activities outside our COT.

As evidence that perhaps we had gone a bit crazy, there was a bit of feeling of withdrawal.  A feeling of anxiety and insomnia where your mind thinks of the amazing sex you are missing.  Luckily, that could be quickly remedied by a convenient antidote.  We would just have amazing sex together!

PORN AS AN AID
What also helped us was more role play between the three of us.  I mentioned a few posts back that we got an account on bdsmlr.com.  The three of us use it by logging in and making comments on the pics or gifs – snarky ones, suggestive ones, playful ones, nasty ones, you name it.  Some of it based on reality, some of it fantasy.   A little playground for us to use our imagination and share dirty thoughts.   

We each try to log in each day to see what comments the other two have made and to add more of our own.   We are Funsome Threesome if you want to see what it’s all about.   I caution you, bdsmlr.com is a bit raw and crude.  Misogyny and patriarchy reign supreme on most accounts. 

I know some of you are saying, “Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black.”   While I disagree, I won’t argue the point.   I get it, my lifestyle and COT is definitely not *misandry and matriarchy.   Well, at least outside of Kim’s bedroom it’s not!  lol. 

  (*hint:  those are the opposites of misogyny and patriarchy.  The fact I had to look up the opposite of misogyny just shows you how misogynistic our culture is.   Most of us don’t even know the term for its opposite.  If you did know, that’s great.  You just earned five points for social awareness.  And what can you do with those 5 points?  You can now be subject to Christian-sharia law if you live in the South.  Wow, did I digress or what?)

Stay kinky!

Next: 318. Master Kayla. She no longer submits?

308. Another interesting acquaintance – Chelsea Part I

PREAMBLE
I like to think that my vibe puts people at ease.  Comforted by my demeanor, they let their guard down and share things or ask for advice.  As a former school counselor, it fits in with my schooling and chosen profession (I did it for about 6 years before being a SAHM), but it’s always been my default personality that my schooling simply honed.

I’ve shared that, Pre-DD, somewhere along the way I lost perspective.  Instead of trying to guide people towards their answer and their truth, I simply laid down my answer and my truth.   The result was I became very invested in their outcomes. This caused me to be frustrated when they didn’t listen to my “amazing” advice as well as when they did listen but things didn’t work out.  Their problems became my problems.  

I am now more disciplined – as in, “more controlled”, not as in, “more punishments.” Although who am I kidding?  That applies too.  HA!   In fact, the latter has a lot to do with the former.  I digress…

Any who,  it’s not that I now avoid being a shoulder to lean on.  I simply better appreciate the difference between “lending a shoulder” and “bearing their burden.”  And yes, Mike is there to tell me to back off if he senses I am getting in too deep.  

I stated all of that because two new couples have entered our lives that basically started as me being their shoulder to lean on.   They both have such interesting stories that have ties to TTWD, thus my desire to share them with you. 

JAIME AND CHELSEA
The first couple I want to share is Jaime and Chelsea.  And that’s Jaime as in Hi-me, not Jay-me.   And in case you are keeping score, technically this started as Kayla being the shoulder to lean on, not me – and actually ends with Mike being the shoulder they lean on.  I surely didn’t see that coming. 

Chelsea is a friend Kayla met at school a little more than a year ago.  She was a freshman undergrad who met Kayla in a chance encounter, struck up a conversation, and they’ve been friends ever since.   Although a freshman at the time, Chelsea is actually Kayla’s age.   Chelsea got married right out of high school, worked her butt off, and started college at 21 or so.

It was unusual for Kayla to have friends of her own age group.  Kayla’s friends are almost exclusively 5-10 years older than her as  Kayla’s always enjoyed the company of older friends, even when she was little.  For whatever reason, she and Chelsea clicked and became friends, probably because in a lot of ways Chelsea is also wise beyond her years. 

Chelsea is one of these people with no filter.  Says whatever is on her mind, but not in an arrogant or demanding way.  It’s quite innocent, curious, and honest.  Authentic!  Yeah, that’s the best word for it.  And it wasn’t long before Chelsea picked up on various clues and came right out and asked Kayla if she was someone’s submissive or slave.  Yep, no filter.  

Kayla honestly answered any questions.  Not like every kinky detail, but sufficient to answer any particular question.  It wasn’t long before Chelsea confided in Kayla that she likes to be disciplined by her husband.  And, she shared that they have been struggling with it, in her words, “immensely struggling.”   

At some point, Kayla asked if I would talk to Chelsea.  Of course, I agreed.  I spoke to her on many occasions, even having her over to the house a few times.    She had a very different upbringing, thus my fascination with both her story and her situation.   So, before I get into what Chelsea is struggling with, here’s some scoop on her upbringing.

CHELSEA’S CHILDHOOD  
Chelsea got married right out of high school to Jaime, who is four years older… she was 18, he was 22.   Four years isn’t a lot, except for it is when, a month before their wedding, she was still in high school and he was 22.    That’s a big life experience gap!

Chelsea said she just couldn’t wait to get out of the house and be on her own, and getting married was the best way to sever the apron strings – AND THE BELT!  Yep, she grew up in a household where spanking wasn’t just the norm, it was a family institution.  Although – Chelsea always refers to it as “discipline” and not spanking.

She shared that her father would spank everyone, including her mom.  Chelsea is the second oldest of 5 kids – an older brother, a younger brother, and two younger sisters.     

And the discipline was almost always a family affair.   One was rarely spanked in private, and almost exclusively bare bottomed.  The exception was her mom, who mostly, but not always, would be spanked in private, but well within earshot.   Such discipline was the standard practice of her extended family as well.  It all seemed normal to her and her cousins.  They didn’t make it a topic of everyday conversation, but they didn’t hide it either. It was just normal.   When someone got in trouble it was like, “So what kind of disciplining did you get?”    

MISOGYNY RULES
The rules of her household were that the boy’s discipline would no longer include spanking once they turned 15, but would continue for the girls for as long as they lived under their parents’ roof.  Further, once her brothers were 16, her dad would make sure they observed any spankings he was giving.  He would break down the details for them, explaining why he chose a particular number of strikes or explaining the proper way to verbally chastise.   Clearly, it was to prepare them to take on a similar role in their own households one day.

Chelsea said on two occasions her dad even had her brothers spank her.  Once when she borrowed her older brothers car without asking.  The other was for “disrespecting” her younger brother.  That happened to be one of her last spankings.  It happened when her brother was 17 and Chelsea was 18 but not yet out of the house.   That one really upset her as she thought it ridiculous that her younger brother could be allowed to do such things. 

And while Chelsea couldn’t wait to get out from under that sort of discipline, she said she never had ill feelings about it and still doesn’t.   She feels her parents truly believe it is the right way to raise children, and neither she nor her siblings ever felt abused.    It wasn’t like they lived in fear of being disciplined, and not every disciplining was a spanking.  But with five kids, plus the mom, it was a rare week that someone didn’t get at least one spanking.    

She was spanked the most.  She admitted to a bit of a defiant streak, especially from about ages 13-16, plus her parents felt she needed to be an example for her younger sisters and thus held her to a higher standard.   

While she disliked it enough to seek a quick way out (getting married), she said it wasn’t just the discipline that she wanted to avoid.  It was that she did want to be subject to the many rules that often led to being disciplined.   Things like chores and curfews.  She couldn’t imagine going through college under her parents’ rules and consequences.   Marriage was a loophole where they agreed to still help with some of the schooling costs and it gave her the freedom she desired. 

Now that doesn’t sound fair to Jaime, but Chelsea said there was more to it.  It wasn’t like she was going to run off with the first guy that seemed halfway decent.  The two of them dated for two years (yes, a 16-year old dating a 20-year old),  and she said her parents very much approved of Jaime.   Although they didn’t approve at first, he grew on them.  That will have to be another story if I choose to share it.  

About two years or so into the marriage Chelsea realized she was missing something.  That’s where things got interesting.

Next: 309. Spanked Wife, Happy Life – Chelsea Part II

200. Balloons and Submission?

Welcome to post #200!  I thought I’d celebrate with some balloons.  And it turns out they are very appropriate for this post – they just might mean more than just a celebration.  Read on!

It amazes me that in 200 posts I have given so many people a glimpse into the evolution of my unconventional life over the last 20 months.  While the rate of my posting has slowed, I guess the interest level hasn’t.  I actually had my most views in a single day just a few days ago (1,365 views from 289 visitors).   

My slower pace isn’t due to a lack of enthusiasm over posting — I love writing and sharing about my experiences!  It is more due to my decreasing wonderment over my day-to-day routines.  Submission, spankings, and an active and energetic sex life have become normalized to the point I have to remind myself that others may find it shocking, erotic, or just overall interesting.  Alas, if I ever start to forget, I can usually count on one of my sisters to remind me.     

UNSETTLED SIS!
I was talking to one of my sisters again (Post 116. Revealing DD to my sisters, as well as Post 120, Post 136, Post 165).  Most of the follow up discussions have been with Sis2 (the younger of the two).  Sis1 never asked much or commented much, until now.

I was talking with her and it was clear she is unsettled by my lifestyle.  It’s been ten months from when I shared my choices with her and she was finally at the point she wanted to share a more harsh critique.  She did it in a way that was a nice as you could hope for, but it was clear that at a minimum, she was frustrated and astonished, and at worst, she was appalled and disgusted.

She felt my choices reflected some larger issue with womanhood – a poor example to young women and girls who should be expected to demand better and not settle regarding men’s behaviors.  It was also clear that her comments were fueled by what is going on in society regarding women finally being taken seriously on issues of sexual harassment (let alone outright sexual assault).

The root of her issue was that in her mind, my DD was an example of a woman being “less than” a man.  By allowing myself to be “less than” I was allowing myself to be dismissed as an equal.  By doing that, I was “buying in” to the mindset of a misogynistic culture that does little to discourage sexual misconduct by men.   Going even further, she feels my choices actually validate that culture and give it “fuel.” 

WOW 
So yeah, time for a bit of a rant.  I’ve shared similar ideas before – I guess that happens when you are 200 posts into a blog.   But while a bit “rant-like,” the discussion with my sister was still amicable.  We are accustomed to telling each other like it is. . . at least, like we see things.  So even though we don’t always agree, we always appreciate and recognize the loving intentions.    

My response to her was that I completely understand why she feels that way.   I can totally relate to thinking that way, as I would have been right there with her saying such things to someone just a few years ago.   But, I now understand that while DD, D/s, or M/s COULD represent the things she was talking about, it does not mean they always do.

My DD is not borne out of Mike’s feelings of superiority over women.  It is not rooted in some ancient misogynistic edict passed on through family folklore and fables.   It is not rooted in anyone thinking women are “less than.”   MY DD is simply rooted in one thing —  MY need to serve Mike.

It fulfills me.   It strengthens me.  It motivates me.  It allows me to flourish and act and think in a way that I feel accomplished.  Accomplished as a person.  Accomplished as Mike’s partner.  Accomplished as a mother. 

I don’t advocate a D/s dynamic for anyone.  What I do advocate is for everyone to find what fulfills them, what strengthens them, what motivates them.  At the same time, I strongly encourage a 100% open and honest dialogue with your partner in life.  Not 99%, not 99.9%.  A 100% openness about everything – sexual and non-sexual.   

It is about being 100% authentic, and with that authenticity comes a power that is greater than any power in a relationship.   It is the power to be your authentic self and the immense satisfaction of being accepted as your authentic self.   This isn’t about man versus women.  It is about ourselves versus ourselves – with the goal of allowing our authentic self to win!

It just so happens my authentic self is submissive to Mike.  That’s not an indictment of women rights.  That’s not settling for bad behavior by Mike.  That’s not saying I am unequal to Mike.  That is not condoning sexual misconduct by anyone, and it certainty is not validating a misogynistic culture.

Warning: This analogy may have holes and be silly.  It was not well thought out.  It simply came to mind in the moment I was speaking with my sister. 

99 LUFTBALLOONS
I asked my sister to visualize herself carrying a balloon.  Without any other context, what does carrying a balloon mean?   Nothing much.  Kind of nice.  It’s festive, right?  It may make you smile or make anyone seeing you smile.  Nothing negative.   And let’s say you are someone who gets immense enjoyment from holding a balloon.  You love the feeling.  You love everything about it.  Does this love of balloons mean something about womanhood?   Of course not.

Now what if I tell you there is a culture that requires women to carry balloons at all times as a sign of women’s “silly minds.”  And let’s say this culture has evolved to the point few women will hold balloons anymore.  The only ones that do are “forced” to because they cling to a family or religious tradition.  Then along comes Jenny who wants to hold one just for the enjoyment she gets out it, and she finds her husband gets joy from it, and she finds it allows her to be more joyful and fulfilled as a person, a wife, a mother.  Should she give up her balloon?

CONTEXT IS EVERYTHING
The point I was trying to make to my sister is that it is all about context.  And the context of my D/s dynamic is not rooted in all the things she believes it is rooted in.    In our discussion I also revisited many of the things I wrote about in other posts, especially Post 136.

Like I wrote before, I think sharing my dynamic with my sisters is much like teaching them a foreign language.  You need repetition in order for it to fully sink in.  Thus, I didn’t mind my sister’s doubts and questions.  It gave me an opportunity to reinforce what submission means to me and hopefully gets her one step closer to understanding and accepting that.  I think our conversation did that, a least a little bit. 

NEXT: Post 201.  Happy New (Severe Spanking) Year

86. Nature vs. Nurture? Finding my DD.

This post picks up where I left off on my prior post and I apologize in advance if I meander a bit in thought and revisit some topics from some of my initial posts.  I am just laying the emotional backdrop to an epiphany I had today that I will share on my next post.

Donna continues to stay with us until John returns on November 19.   In my last post I shared that Donna perceives the source of my submission as coming from a “bright” place in that my past lacked experiences with abuse, belittlement, neglect, etc.  I felt she was stereotyping and the comments I received seemed to agree. Submissives come from all walks of life with varied experiences!

The one common thread is simple – submissives get immense satisfaction from being submissive. The “why” will vary, but the end result is the same – it provides fulfillment in ways we haven’t found in other lifestyles. My About page highlights several of my posts about what I get from submission. My ongoing discussions with Donna have given me the opportunity to think more about why I get that fulfillment. Simply put, I have needs.

NEEDY 
I looked up the definition of “needy” and it is – destitute, indigent, deprived, disadvantaged. The definition seems to only address economic issues, not emotional issues.   Why is that? Because when it comes to emotions, we all have needs, therefore by default, we are all needy.   Satisfying our non-economic needs is a combination of cultural influences and our individual biology. The age-old combination of nurture and nature that influences everything about us.

NURTURE?
My embrace of DD certainly wasn’t from the “nurture” side of things because nothing in my upbringing supported a path to submissiveness. I know that there are some who had their submissiveness nurtured from an early age. This could be due to religion or other influences where submission was modeled by others around you and expected from you. That’s not me. While my dad was a misogynist, my mother instilled in me that I was free to live life as I see fit and didn’t need anyone (like a man), or anything (like a drug) to complete me. My family is full of strong females who modeled very non-submissive attitudes and behaviors for me.

My dad was present, but not active, in my life and that of my siblings. He went to our various school events, but never was as invested in what we were doing as my mom was.   In other words, he never asked us questions about what we were doing, what we liked, disliked, etc. It was more, “What time do you need me to be there?”

My parent’s relationship is/was odd. They were loving towards me and my siblings, but I simply describe their relationship with each other as amicable. I know my dad cheated on my mom and there was a time they even separated. While they reconciled, they kept separate bedrooms and to this day still maintain separate bedrooms. They act and behave more like best friends and roommates than husband and wife. Some of this may be because my mom didn’t conform to the submissiveness my dad desired from her. Oh, and for what it’s worth, I always related to my mom and her sense of self and self-empowerment and not my dad’s desire for a “barefoot and pregnant” (and quiet) housewife.

NATURE?
My body rewards me when I think of submission, let alone actually submit.   Whatever “pleasure” endorphins or neurochemicals the brain naturally produces all go into overdrive when I submit (or even just think about it). Simply put, these pleasure chemicals feel good!   My mom said I didn’t need any drugs in my life, and while I know she meant the illicit type, oh how wrong she was. Endorphins and the various natural neurochemicals our body produces are heaven!

Interesting, but I’ve read stuff that indicates some people get a release of these pleasure chemicals when they think of their religion. Brain scans of people who identify as highly religious show a lot of activity in their “pleasure centers” when they are asked to think about their religion. Religion is a form of submission. Interesting that the brain “rewards” some of us for submission.

Of course, the debate is, was there something in our nurturing that “trained” our brain as to what it deemed pleasurable, or were we hard-wired at birth?    Studies agree it isn’t one or the other, but a mix of both, and likely more nature versus nurture (at least from what I have read).

FINDING DD (Revisited)
I cover this in more detail in my Back Story and will summarize it here. I didn’t get into Domestic Discipline until I was 45 and married for 23 years.   I “had it together” during those 23 years.   Things pretty much had to be my way and Mike pretty much conceded.

I found myself seeking greater and greater control of everything. Part of this was to compensate for my son’s special needs. By controlling his environment to give him every possible opportunity to thrive in every moment of every day, I could at least yield some influence over a condition I couldn’t cure.   Mentally I dismissed every act of my control as an act of love for my son, no matter if it really related to his care or not.   In my mind, the more problems I could solve (control), and the more deeds I could do, the better my son would be. It didn’t matter if it was solving his problems, or my sister’s, or my nieces or nephews, friends and neighbors, Mike’s, my other kids, or Kayla’s. Their problems became my problems and I was going to help solve them.   Suffice to say, I burnt myself out.

OPEN TO ANY SOLUTION
My overload led me to seek a change in my life which to me, meant reading and researching to figure it out. I stumbled across Domestic Discipline. My first thought about DD was “that’s dumb, move on.”   However, I have this odd habit that the more negative my initial reaction is to something, the more I want to read about it.  I have found that I have learned so much by opening myself up to things that are contrary to my gut reaction.

I encourage everyone to fight through any initial gut reaction they have to a topic and instead say, “Okay, I’ll hear you out.” The trick then is to actually hear the message and not just go through the motions. It is hard, as you have to be humble and assume the best intentions from the contrary point of view. Easier said than done. If you don’t believe me, what’s your gut reaction when you hear something contrary to your beliefs about race, religion, or politics? How open are you to really listening to someone whose thoughts are different from yours?  It’s not easy and admittedly, I don’t always do it well.

I digress, but this “lesson” is worth sharing — Keeping your mind open and really hearing the other side is amazing in finding personal growth. There are times when I do this that I find reinforcement and support for my gut reaction – but there are more times where I at least shift my beliefs to something more moderate, as I find greater understanding regarding the motivations and desires of the “other side.”   And then there are the rare occasions where I completely change my point of view. DD was one such time.

I knew I was on to something after only about thirty minutes or so of reading about DD.  It just resonated with me and my mind was already “rewarding” me with those pleasure chemicals. I remember getting excited and my heart beating faster as I began to formulate how I could incorporate DD into my life. The rest of that journey is laid out in my other posts, basically from posts 1-12.

BRIGHT PATH?
All of what I stated above was a long way of simply saying that while Donna may feel my path to DD was “bright” compared to hers, mine still came about due to a void, a yearning, a missing piece from my life that only submission could fill for me. It also came from a point of just being exhausted trying to do it all.  I loved the thought of giving up my self-imposed responsibility to lead everything in exchange for a self-imposed responsibility to simply follow Mike.

I see the irony in that my DD is akin to what my mother rebelled against – but the BIG difference is that I chose this. It comes down to giving consent versus being controlled.   I think if I had married a domineering man, I too would have rebelled. He was not going to demand submission from me. If I were to give it, it would be because it was my gift. It was not because someone expected it from me.  In fact, I married a man who was willing to defer to me, and perhaps because he deferred too much (or I demanded too much), I reached a point where I was willing to give up all control and fully submit to him.

Not sure where I intended to go with this post, but I needed to get these feelings out. The discussions with Donna these last few weeks has been like a submissive-group therapy session that got me to reevaluate my reasons for choosing this and reinforcing my commitments.  Not that I had doubts, but it’s always a good thing to periodically review your motivations for getting into something and ensure the benefits are aligned with those motivations and that they still hold true for what you and your loved ones need today.

All this talk with Donna even helped lead to a moment of clarity that I didn’t see coming.  Let me just say that emotions often come with an entourage of associates, allowing their presence to go unnoticed as they influence you while hiding amongst the others.

More on that on the next post.

NEXT POST: 87.  AND THERE IT WAS

3. The Search

I didn’t go looking for Domestic Discipline.  I was online looking up info on self-help as I often do and I stumbled across some DD information.  I heard of submissive/dominant relationships, but not DD.  My first reaction was quick – “No way!”

I am not submissive.  I was repulsed.  “How could any woman be involved in this misogynistic crap?”  DD meant that my husband would make the rules, boss me around, be overbearing, dominant, and demeaning and would spank me?  WTF!

My curiosity kicked in to see what could motivate someone to live this way, so I started reading, and reading, and reading.  The more I read, the more this “thing” began to take shape in my mind.  I discovered that yes, DD can be those things that I just described, but what if it could mean something different?  What if DD were simply a system for allowing me to meet expectations I set for myself, with some help from my husband?Ultimately this “thing” taking shape in my mind was my own version of DD.

Please note I said “my version” of DD.  I noticed many DD stories are different, although it seems like a lot are also trying to follow some pre-set rules about it, but that is mostly those that try to make it about religion.   Many DD relationships seemed ridiculous to me (and still do, but I know I shouldn’t get all judgey given my own DD lifestyle).  I saw a common theme in DD that resonated with me, and all I needed to do was shape that theme more precisely to my liking.  I probably knew within about thirty minutes of reading that I was on to something and I stayed up reading more.  By the end of that night I had a revelation – a moment of clarity that forever changed my life for the better.  I developed a two part plan to once again love life, every moment, every day.

Next – 4. The Plan.