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49. Revealing More

This post is a bit of a ramble and probably dry for many of you.   I want to reveal more about myself outside of DD.  It is mundane, but I wanted to give some insight that parts of my life are probably not all that different than yours.

Writing all this also reminds me how fortunate I am. I feel I generally exude an appreciation about my lot in life.  I am an upbeat person, which I hope comes across in my writing.  I find the good in life.  Typically the only attention I give to the bad is whatever time it takes to subdue it with a glance.  Okay, maybe not as easy as a glance.  Anyway, this self-reflection has helped serve as a deeper reminder of my fortune.

First, my life has been far less hectic and stressful over the last year, sans a few exceptions.  I credit several things with that, including our DD lifestyle (which began in March 2015).  But another change that was just as significant was that we put our youngest back in school last fall.  I home schooled him prior to that.

KIDS
I mentioned before our youngest has special needs.  I don’t work outside the home and as a former school counselor who considered being a teacher, I felt up to the task of home schooling.  We tried the public schools early on and despite their best efforts, they couldn’t provide what I knew I was capable of providing of him.  So we home schooled until last school year.  He started high school last year, a grade behind, and with special ed classes.  His emotional needs have decreased significantly, perhaps a combination of the 3 M’s – maturity, medication, and mom.  He still is probably three years or so younger than his peers from a maturity standpoint, and depending on the subject matter, 1-3 years behind intellectually.  While some kids with his condition actually go to college and live independently, his form and his degree of the condition will preclude that.

We felt he could possibly succeed in school so we gave it a try.  Our expectations were low and I was certain I was going to have to pull him out at some point — but the school did a great job and he thrived.  So, having him in school during the school year not only has benefited him, but it lessened a major responsibility that I had.  I was still very involved and spent a lot of time volunteering at the school, but that’s a far cry from having to home school him.

Of course, it’s been summer time which means no school.  I have a great support system in place to help out.  Mike is wonderful, and often gives me a day out on a weekend where he stays home or takes our son somewhere and I am free to relax, go shopping, or whatever.  My sister also tries to pick up our son once a month and take him on an outing.  Then we have my parents who take him for two weeks out of the summer.  All of that support helps me keep my batteries charged.  Despite his tremendous improvements over the last few years, caring for his needs requires tremendous patience, love, and attention.

As I mentioned, I stay at home.  Our middle child is away at college and was only home for a few weeks this summer as he went back for summer school.  Our oldest is on his own and doing very well for himself.   My husband, Mike, works in sales and splits time between the actual office and his home office.  He typically works from home every Friday, and it isn’t uncommon for him to go in the office in the morning, then come home for lunch and work the afternoon from home.

HUSBAND
Mike makes good money.  We aren’t wealthy, but we are comfortable.  We haven’t always been, but Mike’s worked hard and moved up within the ranks of his company to a well-paid position.  Well enough that I don’t have to work, we get all the bills paid, and have enough left over for a vacation or two each year.

Anyone who has read through my blog will see that he has grown a lot in our DD journey.  He is a kind and gentle person, and being Dominant is as contrary to what people would think of him as being Submissive is to what people would think of me.  It is interesting that our personas outside the household are very different than within the household.

Mike and I have been married 25 years now (recently had our 25th anniversary).  He just turned 48 and I am turning 47 this month.   We knew each other in high school and actually dated on and off a couple of times in high school.  Even when we weren’t dating each other, we were good friends.

SHOPPING
Since I mentioned finances, let me talk shopping!  They are related after all.   Early in our marriage I let my compulsion for shopping get out of hand.  Over time we were able to climb out of the debt hole, and then there was still the occasional momentary lapse into a shopping spree.  I became really good at returning things.  DD has helped in that I now have to ask permission to purchase anything beyond the groceries, toiletries, and cleaning supplies.

I am the type of shopper that looks at an object and immediately experiences the potential of that object.  I don’t mean just thinks of the potential, but actually feels it emotionally.  Consider a beach towel.  I’ve got a dozen of them.  I don’t need another.  But I see a really cute one and my buying decision is not about need. It is about feeling the sound of popping the towel on a sunny beach as I spread it across the sand.  The warmth of the sand between my toes, the sound of the ocean waves gently tapping against the beach.  The feeling of relaxation with not a care in the world.  These sights, sounds, and emotions would just rush in at the sight of the towel.  I want that experience to continue and buying it will give me that experience at least a little longer.   Pre-DD I had eventually learned some coping skills to try and suppress these emotional rushes.  They were highly successful but not perfect.  DD has been fool-proof.  I simply must ask anytime I want to buy stuff.  Definitely a buzz kill.

CHORES
I’ve talked a lot about chores before and it may sound like I do everything.  I do a lot, but I am home a lot.  Mike does help out.  Mike has always been a “clean as you go” kind of person.  He still is and is not one to leave his own things laying around.  That helps, especially for someone who is a “clean it later” kind of person.  We have two laundry baskets and the rule is we do laundry as soon as they are full, whatever day that may be.  It is my duty to take care of this but there are times Mike will take it upon himself to put a load in early, even put them in the dryer, fold, and put them away, just because he could.

Cooking-wise, we typically eat out anywhere from once to twice a week.  Mike likes to cook, but it isn’t always practical with his work schedule.  He typically cooks on Saturdays, and sometimes he does so Sunday and a weekday if he gets off early.   So, I am typically cooking 3-4 times a week.

I’ve got in the habit of vacuuming and sweeping every day, so I got that covered.  Not the entire house, but at least one or two rooms every day.  The one area Mike would get an “F” if I were grading him is the bathrooms.   It’s been that way since we were first married.  Somehow that was always my domain.  Oh well, the yard work is entirely his domain!

ADULT TIME
We were fortune to find a great sitter, but she isn’t always available.  She is a college student studying education with emphasis on special-ed.  She should get credit hours for watching our son!!  While he is in high school now, he can’t be alone.   My sister is often the go-to person to watch our son.  That gives Mike and I at least one date-night a week.   We either go out on our own to dinner and movie, or sometimes go out with John and Donna, or, we go over to John and Donna’s to hang out (i.e. some very adult time).

I mentioned before that Mike and I went to a couple FetLife functions.  Since my son was injured shortly after we went to our first functions, we had to put that extra socializing on hold as we couldn’t’ expect anyone to watch him with his increased needs.  Things are finally back in order and we plan to revisit that.  We don’t have any specific expectations, other than mingle with some like-minded folks and see where the mingling takes us.

POLITICS and RELIGION
You don’t think I would seriously go there?  Talk about a major buzz kill!  Let me just say my beliefs regarding those topics are anchored deeply with my strong belief in equality, empathy, and liberty.  Therefore, it goes without saying that my politics are x and my religious beliefs are y.

ALONE TIME
I get a reasonable amount of alone time.  It is even prescribed in our DD.  Mike may actually order it from time to time.  I am not talking about punishment oriented alone time like standing in a corner or writing lines.   I mean time alone at home when Mike takes our son out, or time alone at home while Mike attends to our son and I just relax (watching tv, web surfing, reading, blogging, masturbating, or whatever).

You can tell just how much free time I have by how often I blog.  The last four or five days have been great regarding my free time, but I worked hard to get that free time!   Maybe I should have been masturbating more and blogging less?

OUR NEW DYNAMIC
If you read the last post, you’ll know we are entering a bit of a different dynamic in our Domestic Discipline.  Mike continued to be strict last night and all day today.  There are some new rules but pretty mundane stuff, mostly various household organizational stuff.  Basically, it’s all his pet peeves that I must now adopt.  I am not saying that sarcastically or in a bothersome tone.  It is just the simplest way to explain it.  We all have our pet peeves, and now he has his “pet” to address his… hee hee.   I am happy to take that on as it is part of the service and submission that I want to give.

That’s a bit more about my days. See, it isn’t all just living one punishment to the next.  Of course, that’s the more interesting stuff to read about and the more interesting stuff to write about.  Speaking of interesting stuff, I mentioned before that Mike got a waxing kit and we were going to go over to John and Donna’s and she was going to give me a Brazillian.   Well, she had some issue arise. They didn’t share the details with us but suffice to say as part of a punishment John was not allowing her to have friends over.  We’ve come to really enjoy our time with them.  Perhaps I should share more of those stories?   Maybe next time!

Thanks for sticking with this post and learning more about my daily life.

Next:  50. Five Acts of Service

20. Putting on a Show (masturbation)

Meet my neighbors
We’ve become good friends with our neighbors, John and Donna (not real names). They are 6-7 years younger than Mike and I and already empty nesters.   We never sensed a dominant/submissive dynamic between them, but we did feel John was domineering and Donna was passive.  We were naive.

Donna and I are good friends; shopping, talking, and the occasional girl’s night out. All four of us go out on occasions, dinner at each other’s house, watch movies or sporting events, barbecue, and stuff like that.  We all hit it off, despite my thinking that John is a bit of an ass.  While Donna is able to do things with me, there is always the “I’ll check with John first” or “I need to be home by 10.”  A constant list of rules or restrictions because “John said.”  I took note that it was never a “John asked.”  I knew John kept Donna on a metaphorical tight leash.

John and Donna were always very comfortable in their interactions when we were around them.  I never sensed anything too out of the ordinary, so again, I chalked it up to John being a bit of an ass.  Occasionally Donna and  I would talk about our sex lives.  She seemed extremely happy and highly complementary of John and it all sounded pretty ordinary.  She never had any experience with another girl, as I learned after sharing with her stories of my college experiences.

DD opened my eyes to the world of dominant/submissive relationships.  Suddenly, things I noticed about John and Donna took on a different context in my mind.  It clicked – I bet they’ve got some sort of sub/dom thing going on!  Either that, or John is just an ass.

SHARING OUR SECRET
I was itching to share my DD lifestyle with someone and Donna was the right person, plus now I thought she might actually relate.   I figured even if I misread these signals that she was still someone I felt comfortable confiding in.  I asked Mike for permission to do just that, and while there were some reservations, Mike agreed that I could.

I confided in Donna.  Her reaction was calm but with some giddiness and heightened energy.  She asked a lot of questions and even wanted to see my contract.  She was highly intrigued and I remember her saying “wow” a lot.  I asked her if her and John had any sort of arrangement about her being submissive.  She said no, but her answer seemed insincere.  I didn’t press the issue.

The next day she came over during the day (she works part-time) and shared with me that indeed, her and John live a type of d/s lifestyle that was more master/slave.  To me it sounded like their own mix of DD with some religious CDD overtones (Christian Domestic Discipline) but also with a dash of BDSM.  A potpourri of D/s relationships!   It didn’t share much in common with what Mike and I did, however, the common ground was that we both forged out our own unique form of an D/s relationship.

Donna said she didn’t tell me the day before because she had to get John’s permission first.  Both of them had always wanted to open up to someone about their lifestyle so now was the perfect opportunity.  Amazingly, we had neighbors into an alternative lifestyle that was somewhat like ours.

THE SHOW!
That evening we got a sitter and Mike and I went over to their house for dinner as the boys had lots of questions and we all wanted to talk. We talked openly and matter-of-factly about various facets of our D/s, DD, or whatever-label-you-want lifestyle.  It was liberating to ask and answer such personal, detailed questions and get and give such revealing and honest answers without any judgement.

While John seemed respectful of our differences, he did seem to feel superior to Mike in that he had a lot more control over Donna than Mike had of me.  John then said something that seemed to challenge Mike’s “rule” over me.  I don’t remember exactly what it was other than it was playful, not spiteful, but was still a dick thing to say.  And Mike, being fully aware of the sexual desires he and I shared (see Sexual Thoughts, Dreams, Desires, Fantasies) he saw an opportunity to quiet John down and fulfill a desire that both he and I had.

Mike calmly asked me, “Jenny, why don’t you ask John for permission to masturbate for them?” 

It took me a second to process what he was saying as I just didn’t expect it.  I talked a good game, but now it just got real.  Would Donna be comfortable?  Would I be comfortable in front of John?  Also, I learned from Donna that day before that her and John never had threesomes or couples or anything other than monogamous sex (same as Mike and I).  I wasn’t sure what John may think of this or where he might think this could be heading…or what Mike had in mind.  But in the flash of the second that those things ran through my mind, I also was more than happy to oblige this shared fantasy that Mike and I had regarding me masturbating for a group, albeit a small one.

“John,” I asked as calmly as if I was asking to borrow a pen, “if you’ll allow it, I would like to masturbate right here for you and Donna.”

John looked over at Donna and then looked back at me and said, “I’ll allow it.”

I remember looking at Donna and she didn’t seemed pleased.  Understand that Donna is gorgeous, very physically fit and awesome body and firm breasts.  If anyone should feel inadequate about their body, it was me… a bit chubby and 3-kids-later-saggy-boobs. Certainly she wouldn’t be jealous, but maybe she thought John would make her go next or perhaps this just wasn’t her thing?   Maybe she didn’t like the idea of someone doing something sexually lurid in front of their husband?   Oh well, too late to stop now.

I walked over to the couch and sat down.  I asked them to take a seat, and Mike sat at one end of the couch as Donna and John sat in a love-seat nearby.  I started rubbing my breasts and pussy on the outside of my clothes.  I then tucked one hand under my shirt and bra and fondled a breast with one hand, while the other plucked open my button-fly jeans.  I slid one hand down my pants and played with myself until I was good and wet.  I stood up and pulled my pants and panties off.  I unbuttoned my shirt to expose my bra and sat back down.  As one hand worked on my pussy, the other one pulled back my bra to expose one breast.  Knowing they were all watching was as exhilarating as I dreamed.  I really loved the attention and the orgasmic feelings began to quickly swell as I pulled hard on my nipples and sunk my fingers deep inside my pussy.  I would frequently open my eyes to see the reaction and make eye contact.  The eye contact was hotter than hell!  I loved looking into their eyes as they watched me.  John had a huge grin, Donna’s look of disapproval seemed to be gone as her eyes were big along with a sly smile, and Mike was clearly loving it too.

I would lick my fingers as I would alternate which hand was on my pussy and which one was on my boobs.  I stopped briefly to take off my shirt and bra and quietly mumbled, “I hope you’re enjoy this as much as I am.”  I was now completely naked on their couch.  Although everyone’s eyes said continue, I felt it necessary to ask Donna a question.

“Donna, may I continue?”

As soon as I said it I was concerned that perhaps I broke their personal etiquette by asking Donna for permission and not John.   Donna didn’t miss a beat and said, “I would like you to continue if John allows it.”

John’s reply was, “Yes, continue, but, Mike, please move over to give Jenny more room, and Donna, I want you to go over to the couch and sit down next her.”  I thought this was about to go up a notch and hoped Donna is ready.  I was pretty sure I was.

John directed Donna to sit at the head of the couch and he asked me to just put my head in her lap and continue.  I looked over at Mike as I wasn’t sure if this was going somewhere we didn’t want it to.  Mike simply got up and sat down in a chair and said, “Works for me.”  So, I put my head in her lap and continued on playing with myself.

It was amazing to look up in Donna’s eyes while I moved my fingers in and out of my pussy and rubbed my clit faster and faster.  I loved watching her eyes as I licked my juices from my fingers.   Her hand was lightly brushing my arm back and forth and at one point I grabbed Donna’s hand and squeezed it as I was getting closer to climax.   Now I was holding her hand with one hand, and fingering myself with the other.   I loved the feeling of her being so close to me while I masturbated.  I loved that Mike was watching, and yes, I even loved that John was watching.  Having all these eyes on me, fully exposed and vulnerable all in an environment that felt safe, was all that I dreamed it would be.  I don’t know if John and/or Mike planned for Donna to do more than hold my hand.  We didn’t have time to find out as my orgasm was building quickly and then I yelled out, “oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeaaaahhhh.”

I laid there for a minute or two, naked on their couch as I caught my breath.  Donna continued to stroke my arm.  I was very comfortable and still was “getting off” by having them all stare at me, naked on the couch.  But as more time went on it was starting to get awkward.  This “what’s next” that no one wanted to ask.  Several more minutes went by and I had to pee so I got up to go to the bathroom.  I wasn’t sure if I should just stay naked or not but I  grabbed my clothes and went to the bathroom.  Mike stopped me and said, “Jen, leave your clothes here.”   So off I went, walking through their house naked.

In the bathroom my mind was thinking about what may be in store for that night.  Would we venture into threesome/foursome land? Swapping?  Sex with a woman?  Would Mike want to try out some of their equipment?  Would I be willing to actually go through with whatever Mike was thinking?  I was not “for” some of these things but I left the restroom committed to seeing through whatever was in store for us that night.

AFTER THE SHOW
I walked out of the bathroom and Mike asked me to go ahead and put my pants on, but leave my top off.  I don’t know if I was happy or saddened by this.  So there I was sitting with my boobs out and then we talked about what just happened.  They asked me how I liked it and of course they said they loved it too.  I told Donna I caught a look of despair when John said he would allow me masturbate.  Donna said it was all good, no despair, just shock.  She joked that given all of her and John’s kink’s that this would not have been a shock, but as kinky as they are, they had never had anything remotely like this happen before.  Like Mike and I, they kept their kinks to each other.

Funny but no one was talking sex.  The conversation went on to whatever mundane thing was going on in the news or sports or something like that.  At one point I finally said something about why I was the only one with my top off.  John then told Donna to remove hers.  She did, and yes they were as beautiful as I thought they would be.  Although we both had our tops off there really wasn’t a sexual spark in the air.  Although I was the only one to orgasm there was still this post-sexual relaxed vibe going on.  A little tit titillation was about all we could handle.  So we hung about another two hours with Donna and I bare breasted.   Nothing further happened, sexually speaking.   At least that night.

Next – 21. Hubby read my posts.  Ouch!