Tag Archives: Master

143. My Evolving Submission

evolve

COMMENT TO A BLOG COMMENT
Something interesting (to me anyway) happened.  Mike was looking at my blog on my phone, reading some of the comments and said, “Hey, I am going to respond to this comment as if you are responding.”  He then proceeded to type away.

To acknowledge his statement I responded with a nonchalant, “Okay, Sir,”

He then said, “Aren’t you wondering what the comment was or what I am writing?”

“Sure, Sir, I am curious, but I am sure I will read it in due time.”

“Wait,” he said, “you aren’t burning to know right now what it’s about?”

“No, Sir.  I am not.”

He seemed shocked.  “So, you aren’t dying to know what I am stating.  You know they are going to think it is you that is replying?  That doesn’t concern you?”

“Sir, I would never lie about such things.  I am not dying to know.  I trust whatever you are writing is something you believe is appropriate.  That’s good enough for me.”

Mike continued in amazement, “Jen, come on now, this blog is your little baby and I am messing with it.  What if I am saying something you don’t like.”

“Sir…Mike, I am fine with anything you decide to write.  Whatever it is, it represents what you want my response to say and therefore I accept it as my own.  I will read it in due course, no hurry.” (I have a habit of using his name when I am dead serious about something.  I still use “Sir,” but will throw in his name as well).

Mike continued to question me as if he didn’t believe me.  Well, not “as if” he didn’t believe me.  It was clear, he didn’t actually believe me.

“Mike! I am serious and also saddened that you aren’t believing me…Sir.  I truly do not care that you responded on my behalf and I am 100% fine with whatever you chose to write.  I accept it as my own even without knowing what is says, because I know it says what you want it to say.  That’s good enough for me.”

Mike was a bit dumbfounded and said, “I am sorry that I inferred you weren’t being honest about your feelings.  It just surprised me that you didn’t feel the least bit violated that I was treading on your blog turf.”

“Sir, I don’t believe I can ever interpret anything you do as an imposition or as violating me in some way.   I trust you explicitly and without question, especially when it comes to any decision you make on my behalf.”

Mike was in awe and immediately had to hug me.  He said he always tries to wield his Dominance in a way that builds trust and was worried a bit about the recent punishment regarding the blender I didn’t buy.  He was concerned that maybe it went too far as it didn’t recognize the progress I’ve made in controlling my purchasing habits.  He then told me that ultimately he felt that particular punishment was in order as this was just too serious of a subject and I needed to not only keep my actions in check, but also my thoughts.  

I told Mike I appreciated that punishment and never expect him to have to justify a punishment.  If I feel confused or unsure about the motives or purpose, I will bring it up at a Maintenance Session, and frankly, I was neither confused nor unsure about the purpose of that punishment.

FREE MYSELF FROM INTENTION
I did admit that more than likely, if he made that blog comment on my behalf before the last punishment, I probably would have been like, “Noooo!”  Or, “Please tell me what you’re writing.”  But, the last punishment reinforced to me that consistently meeting my Duties and Obligations is not just about my actions, but also about my thoughts.  While not every thought leads to an action, every action starts as a thought.  Given my history with reckless buying habits, I need to free myself of the impulses and of the thoughts – not just try to suppress those impulses.  It is very much about freeing myself of my intentions, as I wrote about in Post 30. I found my thrill.

I told him that last punishment had me reflecting on my submission and on his dominance.  I finally fully understood the power of freeing myself from my intentions (per Post 30).  I  told him he has done everything to deserve my complete trust, my complete surrender.  While I’ve been very submissive, I haven’t fully submitted in my thoughts.  That’s something I want to work on.  

I realize a lot of it is around letting go of petty issues and yes, letting go of some old baggage I still carry regarding my disdain for misogyny.  I want to focus only on what is most important.  Our DD has evolved such that what is most important has changed.  It is still important to me to meet my Duties and Obligations, but of greater importance is simply my submission to him.  Thus, when he said he was going to respond to the comment on my behalf, I truly had no concerns or hesitations.  Nothing but trust that his comment was to his liking, and as a result, would be to mine as well.  In fact, I am glad he showed interest in whatever comment he felt he needed to respond to.

This marks another evolution of my DD, which is really D/s more than “just” DD.  I now look at Mike as my leader and the leader of our household, not just the executive in charge of administering the DD that I prescribed.   I love when Mike tells me what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.  I love cherishing and serving him, and I love that he cherishes and loves my servitude.

It sounds so misogynistic to state that.  But as I stated before, I don’t advocate this lifestyle for women, no more than I would for sub men.  Submissiveness is gender-neutral to me.  It just so happens I am a woman and it works for me.  Life would suck if my submission was a societal expectation.  I want women to lead in business, government, and in households.  But such leadership is not for me.

WHAT WAS THE COMMENT?
Oh –
the comment was on 141. Master/slave Immersion 2.0, from lurvspanking who questioned Kayla’s preparedness for multiple sexual partners at one time.  Mike’s comment was simply to state the topic is still in discussion and proceeding with caution. He ended it with, “It may not happen.”   His point being that we are well aware that reality may not live up to fantasy, and even if it does, it may not be best for Kayla right now.  Although he didn’t state it, because he was responding as me, it is going to be his decision and he is not yet convinced it should happen.

So, there you have it.  More evidence of my ever evolving submission. 

NEXT: 144.  To ‘Sir’ or not to ‘Sir’, that is the question. . . 

124. Mischievous Mike and the Room, the Dance, the Term, and the Treat.

mischiefgrin

I’ll wrap up the goings on of Mike and Kayla’s Florida trip.  (Continued from Post 122 and Post 123).   It will then be time to move on to other happenings and musings.  

THE ROOM
This is a non-story  but illustrates that Mike at least showed some discretion in not going too far.   His plan was to “secure” Kayla in some way in the room while he went to his business meeting, which would take him about three hours.  Basically, tie her or handcuff her to something so she could not move around, leave her naked, and let housekeeping do their thing.

Several things worked against this idea.  One, there wasn’t a good place to secure her that wasn’t likely to freak out housekeeping.  Cause too much alarm and perhaps the police would be called.   So, handcuffing her to the closet railing was out.   He was hoping he could secure her so that she would be on the bed, and could also stand up.  The way the light fixtures and furniture was arranged, the only options left her spread eagle in the middle of the bed.   He thought about going ahead and setting her up that way and covering her with a sheet.  That way it would decrease the freak-out risk and Kayla could just tell them to please clean the room and don’t mind her.  She could tell them she is fine and it is part of a prank or something.   Kayla told Mike she wold do whatever he came up with, and at this point, Mike knew that she was more than capable of following through.  In the end, he decided such hijinks in the room.

Kayla said it was very funny.  Mike would say “Hum, how about this…?” or, “I know, how about this…?”   Each time Kayla would reply with “That’s fine, Sir, whatever you want.”   

While Mike can give the excuse he was just being cautious, the way this game is played, it is still a “score” for Kayla.   Kayla 3.  Mike 0.

THE DANCE
They went out to dance hall/bar one evening.  Once there, Mike told her she needed to get five men and two women to dance with her and it only counted if she initiated the dance.
The place wasn’t overly crowded, but crowded enough, and Kayla felt like the five men would be plausible, but wasn’t so sure about the women. Kayla admitted that of all the “tasks,” she found this one the most challenging.   I mentioned before she is a bit shy and she definitely felt awkward in this type of situation.

She was dressed fairly sexy, nothing crazy, but “revealing enough” in her words.  As soon as Mike told her the rules she immediately got up and made a bee line to the dance floor.  She caught the eye of some guys at a table as she walked by and she didn’t even stop walking – she just said to the first one that made eye contact with her, “You there, let’s dance.”   They guy said, “Oh, I am here with my girlfriend.” (who wasn’t at the table at the time).  So without missing a step Kayla pointed to another guy and said, “Okay, you.”
So the two of them danced.   And when it was done, he asked the one other guy at the table, “Are you here with a girlfriend?”  When he said no, she said, “Alright then, let’s dance.”  So they did.  She punched her dance card twice in no time!

When she finished dancing with the second guy and they walked back to his table, the girlfriend of the first guy had returned.  Remember, this was the bold Kayla, the confident Kayla, the Kayla that was on a mission.  So she looked at the girlfriend and said, “Your boyfriend didn’t want to dance with me out of respect for you, would you like to dance with me out of respect for him?”  And Kayla added a wink as she said it.  Now, I don’t really know what that phrase means exactly, and neither did Kayla, but it just sounded good and sounded suggestive.  Whatever it sounded like, the woman agreed!    

After the two of them finished dancing they invited her to sit down with them. Kayla declined and said she had to get back to her boyfriend (Mike) and needed a break.  Kayla said they were all a bit puzzled and sort of half-smiled at her like with a body language that said, “Alrighty then, we won’t ask what that’s about!”

Suffice to say, Kayla was well on her way to dancing with all that she needed to dance with.  In addition, she was asked several times by different people, even another woman, to dance.  Although this was the most nerve-racking task for her, it turned out to be very easy.  

Some people must really pay attention to other people because several times people came up to the table where Mike and Kayla were sitting and asked her to dance.  Either they were observing that she was dancing with “everyone” or just observing that obviously the “old dude” with her was not a date.  Whatever the reason, at one point Kayla declined to dance with someone simply due to needing a break.  Mike butted in and said, “Kayla, you have plenty of time to rest later, so dance.”   When she returned from dancing with that guy, Mike added a new stipulation that she could not decline anyone’s offer.

She easily got her 5 guys and 2 women.  Of course Mike’s excuse was that the way the dance floor and crowd was flowing and hopping that in his mind it turned out the task was just too easy.   In hindsight he said he should have said she had to be propositioned by 5 guys and 2 women.  Sounds like sour grapes to me!  He knows as well as I do that this was hard for Kayla and very much against her nature.

Kayla 4.  Mike 0.  

THE TERM
Early in the trip Mike told Kayla that when they were out and about that whenever she referred to him in front of someone she needed to constantly use a different “loving” term.  The moment she repeated herself they would need to excuse themselves so she could be immediately spanked.  

Mike pointed out to her she already called him “Sir,” and “Daddy.”  When they got to the hotel, Kayla went to a little snack area to grab a few drinks and called out to Mike who was at the desk not far away, “Hey Dad, do you want me to get a water for you?”   I wonder if the front desk clerk noticed this.  Afterall, their room was just a single bed!  

Kayla stayed focused that first night when they ate dinner, and much of the next day, referring to him has “Dear” “Father,” “Honey,” and even, “Lover.”  It looked like Kayla would win again.  

Kayla said her trick was that she was trying to go alphabetically. Since the first thing she thought of was “Dad” and then “Dear”, she immediately would think of the next letter and whatever popped in her mind is what she would tell herself to remember to use the next time.  She said the trick is not to think ahead or you will get lost, and never go backwards once a word popped in your head.  For instance, she could have gone with “Babe” but since she started with Dad, she couldn’t go backwards in the alphabet.  She figured she would have a lot of words to use before she would have to start over and risk repeating herself.    I TOLD YOU KAYLA WAS SMART.  Who would possibly come up with a solution like this??

She actually used “Love” and “Lover.” Then Master, My Sweet, Sweety, etc.  She admitted to sneaking a google search of “terms of endearment” to help her out.  Hey, Mike never said she couldn’t get help.   It wasn’t until their second morning there that she flubbed.

They were having breakfast at a restaurant not far from the hotel when she called Mike, “Dear.”  They were already seated at a table.  Mike looked around and there was no place that seemed conducive to a spanking.  He then had an idea.  He told the waitress that he needed to make a quick private call and needed “his wife” to come with him to be on the call. They were going to go out to the parking lot to make the call and would be right back.

He walked Kayla to the car and told Kayla to get in the backseat and pull down her pants and panties.  The parking lot was crowded and large enough that there was sufficient privacy unless someone walked right by the car.  Mike was in the front seat and pulled out his belt and gave her 12 quick whacks.  That was that.  

Final score for this trip was Kayla 4. Mike 1 

THE TREAT
The treat for her “winning” the airport challenge (as he called it) was a mani/pedi with massage that he arranged for her in Orlando.   Then, there was the treat for her overall victory.  Originally they hadn’t planned on doing any Disney stuff except for Downtown Disney.  Mike surprised her on the last day there with a day at Magic Kingdom.   You have to understand that Kayla loves Disneyworld.  (as do I) .  

I mentioned before that we go to Disney a lot as a family.  Kayla has been a few times growing up and had great memories of her trips.  She said they have a special place in her heart because, well, it was like magic.  Her Disney trips growing up were when her parents seemed the happiest and, well, everyone was happy.   Anyway, suffice to say Disney means a lot to her and she was disappointed that Mike said they wouldn’t be going to any parks.   Surprise! 

So, that’s about it regarding their trip. A great bonding experience for the two of them, and a great growing experience for Kayla.  Other than a few exceptions, one that came with very few spankings! 

Next: 125. Kayla’s Immersion (and “slappy” anniversary to me!)

 

 

 

 

 

  

    

37. Uggh! Assistance with Activites of Daily Living

Yea! I have some unexpected free time and get to do another post today. In typical Jenny style, I can’t just jump in and share my most dreadful experience during our immersion. It needs a little set up.

I already shared the most challenging rule of the immersion and now I will share the most humbling.

When Mike and I first talked about what our immersion would be like, we talked about how far he should push things. Mike had shared several ideas with me prior to our immersion, but I told him not to tell me everything he had planned. I wanted there to be the element of shock and awe.   And for everything he did share I was quick to reassure him I was comfortable with those things and was willing to go deeper. I told him to go far, even if he felt it was humiliating to me. I told him I don’t and wouldn’t look at any of the things he was thinking of as humiliating. I vividly remember telling him that I would take anything he thought was humiliating and at worst I would just likely be humbled by it, not humiliated.  Well, I guess I lied. After all, humbled, mortified, and embarrassed, are all meanings of the word humiliated, and I felt all of those things.

Mike had this idea that I could not be responsible for any of my self-care; eating, dressing, bathing, and yes, using the bathroom.

Eating: I would fix Mike’s meal and he would eat it as I waited, kneeling nearby, getting up only to fetch anything else he needed. When he was done I would clean up, and then could make myself something. I would bring it over to Mike and then kneel down next to him.   He would cut my food and feed me. I could not use my hands at all, even to use a napkin. (There were a few times Mike “invited” me to dine with him as a special treat, although frankly, it was probably because feeding me was pretty tedious). A few times we had John and Donna over and they would take turns feeding me. Oh, keep in mind I also had a standing rule at all times that I could never speak unless spoken to.

Dressing: I was always naked when we were home, but we did go out in public a few times during our immersion (those outings can be another story I can share). Mike would pick out my clothes and dress me. He really couldn’t handle my hair and would call Donna over to brush and fix it nicely. Oh, and when we got home, I couldn’t undress myself. He had to undress me.

Bathing: I could not lift a hand and had to be bathed by someone else. It included a very thorough washing and drying of every nook and cranny. The water was always cold, except one night when Mike rewarded me with a warm bath.  Mike also enlisted the help of both John and Donna.   Sometimes Mike would bathe me, other times it was John and other times it was Donna. While Johnf had seen me naked before – heck, he had seen me masturbate – having him bathe me was a bit eerie.   Mike was not present when one of them would bathe me so it seemed a bit more personal, a bit more intimate. And again, I could never speak unless spoken to.   One time I said something to John and when he reported it to Mike, Mike had John spank me for the infraction.

Bathroom: This was the most shocking and humbling and yes, I will say humiliating. Having to always ask permission to use the bathroom was no big deal. It was the only time I could speak without being spoken to. What was a big deal is that I couldn’t use the bathroom alone. Someone, usually Mike, always had to be with me. Worst yet, I could not attend to certain things on my own. Okay, I’ll just say it. I was not allowed to wipe myself. When it came to #2, Mike thought such a task was not going to fall on him either, so, I had to call Donna when I needed assistance with that. Yes, just imagine the phone call. “Donna, this is Jen, can you come over and wipe me?” There were a few times Donna was not available and Mike made me call and ask John. Luckily, John declined the invitation each time. I guess he even has limits. Ha!   But Donna didn’t have the luxury of declining. John loved the idea of her having to do this that he soon had me return the favor and Donna was calling me when she needed assistance.   Of course, this was the first thing I said had to go once our immersion was over. I was not going to carry this over to become routine.

So, there it is.   I wasn’t going to share this one but Mike reads my blog and insists I share. Uggh!

I imagine there can’t possibly be anything that would be more difficult for me to share than what I just shared with you (or is there?).

Next: 38. Bow-chicka NOPE!  plus Tattoo Parlor Confessions