Tag Archives: marriage

5. Before Getting the Hubby Aboard

Before I could get Mike aboard, I had to first completely get my head around this. I was less than an hour in to being introduced to the concept of DD and while I was already convinced it held significant promise, I needed to get fully comfortable with the concept and exactly what I would be asking Mike to agree to.

I like lists, so I made myself a Pros and Cons list.   They went something like this:.

PROS:

  • Give structure to my chaotic life that was getting increasingly unsatisfying.
  • Codify what I expected of myself into a “contract” of behavior would be my way of honoring myself, honoring my husband, and honoring my family. It was not demeaning unless I allowed it, and I would not allow it.
  • Asking Mike to help me is his way of honoring me.
  • Require myself to share and discuss everything with my husband.  Mike would have to have a vested interest in the things that are important to me. No more silent resentments, no more unresolved arguments. It would require a level of communication that no other “system” I could think of would require.
  • Provide structure to resolving disputes that was quick and final. No lingering ill feelings.
  • Creating a process to resurface those disputes when everyone was calm and respectful – I can tell you that today this has been the biggest Pro of my DD!

CONS:

  • Structure meant I couldn’t just call the shots on a whim.
  • Those spankings still seemed demeaning to me.
  • I would have to share and discuss everything?  I was not used to that.
  • Sure disputes would be resolved quickly, but only because Mike would have ultimate final say.
  • Again, being submissive does not sit well with me. Punishment?  Getting spanked?  Are you kidding?

How did I reconcile these cons?

Ultimately, I had to focus on the desired outcome and work backwards. (A great tip to take any problems in life).  The outcome was to become the person I wanted to be.  That’s a tall order and would not be possible without some sacrifice. Plus, this didn’t have to be permanent.  If I didn’t like it, we would stop.  So, why not try it?

I still wasn’t sure I was ready.  I wasn’t.  But the thoughts were running in my mind and I was becoming more and more open to the possibilities.  But….how would I justify allowing my husband to punish me?  That seems to be the very definition of submissive?  How could I ever agree to be submissive?

NEXT – 6. Submission and Accountability

1. Domestic Discipline Convert

I want to share my experience that completely transformed my life in ways I could not have previously imagined. I had become lazy, forgetful, argumentative, and indecisive – in short, I was not living life according to my own personal commitments, wishes, and desires.  That all changed almost overnight.  I found a way of living that allows me to best honor all the commitments I make to myself.   

I know my path is unique and my methods are not for everyone – and may even shock you.  None-the-less, I am convinced that many of the concepts of my journey will help you, even if you find different methods to apply those concepts.  Please suspend all judgement and open yourself to the possibility that you can achieve a greater satisfaction in life and in love by applying some of the principles I will be sharing on subsequent blog posts.

Next: 2. The Backstory.