SILVER LINING OF MY RESTRICTION
Mike went through my emails, blog, and social media while I was on restriction. He knows all my accounts/passwords. While he occasionally peruses them (and often reads my blog), he never spent a lot of time looking into my online world – until last week. And it was very beneficial.
He spent hours going through my stuff. He admitted he got immersed into several blogs and into chains of various emails and text. He said it’s like watching a television show or reading a novel and he wants to know what’s next. He could see that I try to be helpful and it was clear to him people appreciate my insights. He said it made him better understand the gratification I get from it all and the addictive nature of it.
Not that I am going to have more “me” time, but, it was nice for him to acknowledge that he didn’t see my social media interactions as foolish or a waste of time. Of course, he didn’t see the hours I wasted on Candy Crush and Two Dots. Ha. But seriously, he was very supportive of me continuing my interactions, so long as they don’t interfere with things.
Not all of my interactions are with “virtual” friends. Part of my recent time management challenge was that I also increased my time and attention with my real-world friends. My focus on them began to escalate about two weeks ago, and I think this was the tipping point in being unable to manage my time wisely.
GAL PAL LUNCHEON
A couple of weeks ago I had a luncheon with my “gal pals.” (I almost didn’t get to attend per Post 211). I told them some time ago that Mike and I “swap” with a couple. While astonished, they weren’t offended or freaked out by it. Hey, I still got invited to the next lunch!
At the time my revelation was against our rules (Post 132) but Mike and I are now more open about things. Not a “shout it from the rooftops” openness, but, just not going out of our way to hide to it and honestly answering any questions. Thus, I went into the luncheon with the mindset I was open to share whatever came up. I expected questions in the wake of first telling Valerie I couldn’t attend because “Mike told me I couldn’t.”
MEET THE LUNCH BUNCH
Joining me at lunch was Jill, Shawna, Valerie, Barbara, and Gennie. Yeah, pronounced “Jenny” but spelled differently.
Everyone is married (some on their second). I knew Shawna in high school and Jill is her older sister. Valerie is a former co-worker of mine and just a few years younger than me. Barbara is a friend of Shawna’s while Gennie a friend of Valerie’s. They both joined our circle a few years ago. Gennie is the “youngster” of the group, in her early to mid-30’s.
Keep in mind us gals have talked about sex before. No explicit details, lots of innuendoes and just fun giggly girl talk! Yes, we tend to act very immaturely when we all get together. Thus, while my revelation to them about swapping was “out there,” they all reacted well. Shocked, but not like, “how dare you” shocked.
Casual dress code – for me that typically meant tee-shirts and blue jeans, just a bit of makeup. I might even wear a spaghetti strap top and give no mind to whether I showed none, a little, or a lot of cleavage. I never gave thought to “looking nice” for our lunch. I mean, I wasn’t a slob, but my appearance was not a focus.
It didn’t take long for the conversation to turn towards me.
“So Jenny, any hot foursomes lately?” Shawna has always been the direct one and loves to instigate controversial conversations.
“On occasion,” I replied without hesitation or alarm.
My response was greeted with some giggles, smiles, and at least one “oh brother” roll of the eyes (Jill has always been the more negative, judgmental one of the group). But no one questioned me further.
Several of the women complimented me on my appearance. Yes I was rocking a dress from my new wardrobe. Most of my dresses are jewel neck (no cleavage), elbow length in the arms, mid-calf length on the legs. I also had on more makeup than usual and my hair was more neatly styled.
“You’re all dressed up for us?” I was asked. ” Gosh Jen, feeling modest today?” says another with a laugh. “Have a date afterward?” says one in a hopeful, excited manner. Not to miss the opportunity for a jab, Jill added, “and is it with someone other than Mike?”
“Mike likes it when I make my outside appearance match what I am feeling inside. Life is great, so why not look it on the outside and please Mike at the same time?” I added, “And no, no date today with anyone but y’all.” Yeah, I emphasized the word “today” for suggestive effect.
That triggered Jill to ask in her typical “judgey” sort of way, “So, you can like date whomever you want and Mike is okay with it?”
Nonchalantly I answered, “No, it doesn’t work that way. We just have a very small circle of friends that we have sex with. And I leave it up to Mike to decide who is allowed in this circle.”
And then Valerie said, “speaking of Mike, what was with him not allowing you to come, and then changing his mind. Since when do you ask for his permission?” And with that, the dam burst open.
REVEALING MY D/s
Without going into exhausting dialogue, there were lots of questions and answers that led me to share many aspects of our D/s dynamic – questions similar to those my sisters have asked. (Post 200 and others).
I confidently and calmly answer questions, never getting defensive. I see it as an opportunity to explain how I found a level of fulfillment and joy that I never thought possible. Behind the salacious aspects of discipline and sexual adventure, the core of my submission is about fulfillment and I kept the focus on that.
At some point, Shawna asked, “So are you bisexual?” She had this grin because she knew the answer. But, I also knew that she has had her share of experiences — we’ve been friends since high school. I knew she was asking it just to see what kind of reaction it would get from the other women. But instead of being the one to provide the shock she was looking to give the group, in fun, I turned the tables.
“Yes, aren’t you?” I said playfully. She answered no, to which I followed in a very leading way, “Come on, never? That’s not what I heard. Not even experimented?
She tried to deflect, “Hey, we are talking about you!”
Knowing I “got” her, I triumphantly replied, “I think you all have heard enough about me. Let’s talk about Shawna’s experience with being with another woman. Do tell.”
Long story short, Shawna proceeded to admit to her college experiences (yes, as in plural). Instead of crossing a line in acceptable behavior, her answer broke the barrier I had weakened and suddenly everyone wanted to share.
Valerie, the more reserved one the bunch, fessed up she had multiple experiences, first in high school, another in college, and one she had in her mid-20’s. Thus all eyes turned towards the three who hadn’t spoken of any experiences. “No, not me,” said Barbara and Gennie. “Not me,” said Jill, who surprisingly added, “but I did once take a shower with another woman and we played with each other’s boobs, but that was it.” Of course, we had to ask for details, which she provided. Ah, summer camp!
It led to more intimate questions and answers about threesomes and sex toys. Valerie admitted one of her experiences with another woman was part of a threesome with her then boyfriend. And Jill, who I think gained confidence in being forthcoming via her “playing with boobs” story, then gave the group a shocker that I believe was bigger than anything I had shared. I mean, the group already knew I was “different.” Jill is a bit of a curmudgeon and typically not very forthcoming with personal details.
In a shocker, Jill then adds, “Well I had one with two guys.” Turned out her first threesome was with her current husband and a friend of his before they got married. Basically, it involved a lot of alcohol and they swore to each other to never bring it up again. Then she added, “Okay, make that twice. We did it one more time with the same guy before resolving to not do it again.”
And as for sex toys, all but Valerie said they owned at least one. Gennie shared they had a couple of toys, both his and hers, including blindfold and cuffs. And while she didn’t share the details, Shawna said she had a “small arsenal” of toys. As no one asked me for specifics, I didn’t provide details of my stockpile.
The conversations turned to more mundane things, what each other’s kids were doing, summer vacation plans, and what not. Even so, I am sure anyone in the restaurant within earshot had a great story to tell their friends about the sexual exploits of this table of women they sat next to.
There were follow up one-on-one conversations, emails, texts, and Valerie even came over to my house to talk. She is “somewhat” submissive by nature with her husband and the thought of some of the formal elements of D/s intrigues her.
By the way, I have to get Mike’s permission to have a guest, and he decides about my attire or lack thereof. In this case, he said since Valerie already knew so much, there was no reason for me to be clothed. I forewarned her, and she said, “Fine, I get to see you in your natural habitat.”
While Valerie was the most inquisitive following the lunch, I did hear from some of the others. It ranged from uneventful advice on a sex toy, to potentially life-changing advice on how to approach their husband with the idea of a threesome. I have sort of become the de facto sex therapist for the group!
I love it! It fed my need to help people solve their issues. The absence of rejection from anyone in the group emboldens me even further. I am energized and excited about sharing my insights, even more so than I always am. However – I let that energy and excitement morph into compulsion, leading me to improperly manage my time – thus the punishment.
I am still going to keep talking with them, and my “internet” friends as well. Just doing so once I have met my household duties and obligations. It feels so good to be more out in the open about my submission. It felt even better to see how my revelation led my friends to open up about some kink in their lives.
I told them, “it’s only kinky the first time.” After that, it is just routine!
This is why everyone else’s kink is weird and gross and indicates something is wrong with them, while your own kink is totally healthy and normal.