Right now, in your head, think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong leader. Got it? Got all three? Don’t read on until you have all three. That’s only two. . . one more. Okay, you may proceed.
Now think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong Dominant? Hmm, any differences in your lists?
My guess is, unless you are into a D/s dynamic, your lists were very different, but why? Who doesn’t like a good leader? We praise and admire good leaders and society constantly reinforces such praise and admiration. A Dominant? No such praise and admiration. We likely have a negative bias towards the word “dominant.” After all, even the word is akin to domineering – asserting one’s will over another in an arrogant way.
From an early age we are taught that it is good and acceptable to follow leaders. Respect our elders and authority figures like policemen and firemen. Obey our teachers, coaches, professors, etc. It isn’t threatening, no one feels demeaned or oppressed by this. There are positive connotations all around.
Well, in kink, a strong Dominant is the exact same thing as a strong leader – no negative connotations should apply. My relationship with Mike is as much Leader/Follower as it is Dominant/Submissive. The terms are interchangeable to me. And just like any good authority figure, with great power comes great responsibility. I have yielded leadership power to Mike. In turn, Mike wields this power while embracing many key concepts that make this power exchange work for us.
I want to dive deeper into those concepts, which I will do on the next post. What is different is that I will not be sharing my concepts or what they mean to me. I will be sharing Mike’s. Yes, sort of another “interview” with Mike. And the concepts are interchangeable whether he was describing what is important to him in being a Dominant or with being a leader: empathy, maturity, self-assurance, assertiveness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, and consistency. Coming soon!