Part of my mid-April slow down in posts was due to me having to deal with some health issues. Lots of doctors appointments! Turned out it wasn’t something too serious – a pinched nerve that responded well to PT and the yoga has also helped. Add to that – I am now officially pre-menopausal, that is, I am in perimenopause. What joy!
The combination of odd neurological issues I was having from the pinched nerve, along with the plethora of perimenopausal symptoms, had me concerned that something serious was going on. So it actually was joyful to find out it wasn’t something chronic.
Don’t cry over spilled milk. . . instead, go naked!
We (me, Mike, Kayla, and J) were at the dinner table when J spilled a large glass of milk on his lap. I asked Kayla to help him get his pants off and I would go grab a towel as I didn’t want him dripping milk down the hall as his pants were soaked. When I came back with some towels, he was totally naked. J decided to remove his underwear and Mike figured there was no need to make an issue of it. It was for the best anyway as the milk went down and through his pants.
We got him cleaned up enough and he went to the restroom to wipe down with a washcloth so as not to be sticky and return before his food was cold. I walked into the bathroom to see if he needed help as well as to bring him clean clothes. He said he wanted to just stay naked. His reasoning was he was just going to take a shower after dinner anyway, and he sleeps naked (that’s a recent development), so, why bother putting on clothes he will only have on for about twenty minutes?
Why bother indeed! “Okay, that makes sense. You’ll need to convince your dad though so I’ll hang on to these clothes.” And we walked back to the dinner table. J explained himself, and even added, we’ve eaten naked before (at E’s cousin’s), so why not now? Mike said, “Well, okay, then,” in this tone that implied, “Well, you thoroughly thought that out, I’ve got nothing to counter with, so sure, why not.”
So J sat down and dinner continued. Then a few minutes later J said, “Dad, you said we can be naked at T1’s to show support for E liking to be naked. Well, I like it too. Shouldn’t you all be naked right now to support me?”
SOME BACK STORY
You might read J’s statement using a tones that imply some ulterior motive or desire to just be ornery. That is not that case. I’ve shared that J has a disability. And much of what J says comes from a pure innocence – no ulterior motives – just simply expressing what he is feeling in the moment, unfiltered by social cues and oblivious to the potential innuendo (which at times can make for interesting and uncomfortable moments in public).
And I believe I shared before that J wanted us to “go naked” ever since that first time at T1’s. Mike said no, but did allow him to not get dressed after his bath as he goes right to bed after that anyway. And, as we are going to the nudist resort in a month, Mike thought it would be a good idea for J to stay semi-acclimated to the idea of nudity. So we all adopted a “naked after bath” routine at night, although he is often, but not always, asleep by the time others bathe.
We all sleep nude and I am naked when I go to make sure he is awake – but we all have been getting dressed before coming to breakfast. We also are planning more time with T1 and E, both at our house and theirs, to help normalize it as much as possible for J (and even to some degree, for us).
We want it to be as “normal” for him because we worry a bit about how he may react to things. His pure innocence sometimes is a bit like Tourettes. Not that it is an involuntary tick, but he often has an involuntary impulse to share whatever thought is on his mind. And while he is well intended, sometimes the circumstances aren’t ideal for sharing what’s on his mind. Example – many a times a restaurant he will yell, “Mister, you probably don’t know it but you are talking so loudly that we can’t hear ourselves over here.” Or, “Oh my gosh, lady, I really need you to keep your mouth closed when you are chewing your food.”
Having said all this, Mike doesn’t want us to formally adopt nudism. His initial reason is that he just doesn’t see that as being “us.” But frankly, it has been growing on him. He admits he enjoys it. He also wants to make sure J handles it well. So far, so good, but Mike see’s no reason to rush it. And now, we have this dinner time incident.
So how did Mike respond to J’s request for “support” of him being naked?
THE NUDE NORMAL
We all got naked and finished our dinner! And, while Mike said the naked dinner time was a one-time thing, he provided NEW guidance on nudity in the home. He said going forward, if there was no school or we didn’t have to get dressed to go anywhere, the household could remain naked until 10 a.m. We are to be clothed for dinner, but can be naked after that. It is optional – but J said he would definitely go clothes-free at those times.
MORE ON J
I want to share a bit more about my son as there is a distinction to my various “kinks” and nudism. The biggest is that nudism isn’t a kink at all. But it is unfortunately not a mainstream practice and often people attach their own hang ups and bias’ to those who practice it. In that way, and only in that way, does it share something in common with kink.
As part of the various quirks of J’s disability, he has various tactile issues. He always likes to wear shirts that fit tightly and he has never liked pants, whether loose or tight. It has always been normal for him to just have on underwear and a shirt when he is home. He is very picky about things being the right texture for him, whether clothes, food, or whatever. He has a couple of blankets that he carries around to sit on because he doesn’t like the feel of certain chairs.
He also is obsessive when it comes to any threads that may hang from clothes or even the tiniest of holes that appear on clothes. He has to pull every string…he can’t cut them…and rip open every hole, whether in socks, pants, shirt — and whether or not in the comfort of his home or out in public. It is like a compulsion and a reflex. He sees it and “boom” he moves in. Nudity solves all his clothes issues. No weird feeling pants, no shirt being too loose, no threads or holes.
He is happy being naked and thus far has been pretty oblivious to those who are naked around him. While J can be socially inappropriate, it is never been mean-spirited. Many times people will just say, “You’re right, I should be more quiet” and laugh. One of the best stories I can tell you was when he was about five years old. We were at a store and there was a kid with a disfigured face. I saw it. It fact, it was the only thing I saw when I looked at the kid. Then, I hear J, “Mommy, mommy, look,” as he points to this kid. I was mortified. Then J said, “He’s wearing the same shirt I am wearing.” Holy S*@T! J was right. He was. And I could see the other kid smile the biggest smile and say, “you like Spongebob, too?”
So yeah, maybe it is our hang up, not his.
MIKE AND KAYLA
Kayla and I are similar in our thoughts on nudism. I’ve shared that I really enjoy being naked. Kayla does as well but she admits she is still a bit self-conscious. I am tempted to just tell her, “Look at me with my cellulite thighs and butt, varicose vein legs, and saggy boobs, compared to your thin thighs, tight butt, flawless legs, and perky tits.”
But I don’t say such things to her – I display it! I found you can’t convince someone about their self body image. You can only support them and model self affirming behaviors. For some, especially girls and younger women, body image isn’t about you looking better than someone else (especially not about looking better than someone twice your age, cuz that isn’t even a contest. She win’s hands down..or is it boobs up?). Frankly, it isn’t even about your body. I don’t want to go on a body-image rant, but the root of a lot of issues is feelings of shame. And the irony is, being naked increases Kayla’s comfort with being naked, which deminishes her shame, and further increases her comfort with being naked.
So while she is still not 100% comfortable with it, she admits she is getting there and actually is beginning to derive a sense of security from it. It sounds weird as getting naked in front of others is one of the most insecurity-inducing acts you can typically think of. But I get what she is saying. Once you are acclimated to it and around others who are acclimated, you feel empowered, validated, and yes, secure!
Mike enjoys it too, but still not at the “enjoyment” level of Kayla and I. He finds it more “fascinating,” perhaps on a more intellectual level than an emotional level – but he’s getting there. And it helps him to see that J is doing fine with it.
There are a lot of positive studies about nudism. Kids raised in a naturist household have a tremendously positive body image. I read a study that was really quite sad about kids as young as four or five who felt negatively about their private parts — describing them as “bad” or “naughty” and using slang words to describe them. Naturist kids described them no different than you or I would describe our elbows and knees, and use proper terms when describing them.
It is one thing to grow up in a pro-nudist culture. But J is 17 and … well, I almost typed…”and he has a disability.” But frankly, I think we are using that as an excuse. J is J. He isn’t his disability. If he can handle it, and thus far he has indicated he can, then that’s all that should matter.
We are a step closer to adding “nudist” to our various “labels.” Not that I am keeping score, but let’s see, any one of these words fit me and/or the relationships Mike and I have – Domestic Discipline, Polyamourous, Swinger, Dominant/Submissive, Cauldism, a touch of BDSM, a tad of M/s, bisexual, cellular family, or perhaps a delta or a triad, ethical slut, metamour, open marriage, and so on.
There are other terms that describe us as well, we are a household with a child with a disability, we are a household of a 26-year marriage, we are “suburban,” we might be aligned with this political ideology or that one, or this religion or that one, or none at all. We are all these things and we are none of these things. Labels help you identify what we do, not who we are. That’s the problem with labels. People often assume if you are “one of those” then they know who you are.
Nudism isn’t about kink, and I almost feel the need to apologize to nudists who read my “kink-infested” blog. No, it isn’t kink, but it is a dramatic and positive change in how we embrace life. Therefore I find it blog worthy. That and, to be honest, I am still enthralled and amazed by it. Like, how did I not discover this sooner? It was literally staring at me in the face every day in the mirror!
I assume the prevalence of kink for nudist is no different than kink for non-nudists. It simply isn’t a “kink” indicator. Oh well, call me what you want. Labels only give you part of my story.
Want the full story? Okay, at least a fuller story? You’ll just have to read 250 posts! Ha.