172. A bit too Intense: Punishment Fail

We are about 95% done with our new contract.  A little wordsmith work and we should have it done over the weekend.  As I posted my current contract, I will post the new one as well.  

So, how about some discipline?   
I say that with a smile, but really this incident didn’t leave me laughing (nor Mike).  Part of this incident was prompted because I told Mike I could accept more breast punishments (as shared in Post. 166. My Favorite Kinks).   

This happened a week ago.  This is only the second time something like this has happened in the 2.5 years we’ve been doing this, so I guess that isn’t so bad.  I shared the first “spanking fail” on Post 52.  The Spanking that Keeps Giving.  That was 14 months ago, so again, perhaps we were overdue?

Okay, okay.  I know.  You’re like, tell us the dang story already!

THE TRANSGRESSION
We have rules about phone chargers.  They are always put back in the same place when we are done.  In addition, Mike has one next to his bed that we are always supposed to return to his bedside if we need to use it.  

Well, I needed to charge my phone and my plug was nowhere to be found.  I would have spent more time looking (easily found it later) but I had chores to do, so I used Mike’s.    I decided to take his plug with me into the kitchen.  This way I could hear my phone ring as I attended to various chores.   No problem thus far.

When my phone was adequately charged I picked up the charger and walked to our bedroom to return it.  I made a pit stop in our bathroom and put the charger down while I took a “biology” break.  As my mind drifted to dinner plans, I forgot about the charger.  Even though it was next to the sink I didn’t see it as I washed my hands and then left the bathroom. 

THE DISCIPLINE
When Mike got home, he came out of the bedroom and asked me to follow him back into the room.  He pointed to the charger in the bathroom and said, “You forgot to put something back.”   

“Yes, Sir, I am sorry.  I will put it back now.”  

“Hold on,” he said, “first drop your pants and bend over.”  

I did so without hesitation and was expecting him to either use his belt or grab a hairbrush.  Instead, he took the charger, folded the wire in half, and gave me five swats.  They really stung.  He has never used an implement this thin and small before.  The burn elicited a “Ooh, wow!” from me.

He then asked me why I needed to use his charger .  I told him mine was temporarily missing.  “So,” he said, “you not only forgot to put mine back, but you didn’t put yours back where it belongs.”

He then told me to take my shirt and bra off.  Once off, he told me to clasp my hands behind my head and arch my back.  He then gave three strikes with the cord to one breast and three strikes to the other.  They all stung but the final strike was the hardest, hitting straight across my nipple.  It caused me to drop my arms and I bent over a bit as I cross them in front of my chest.   With clenched teeth I said, “Oh, that one hurt!”

Immediately, in addition to the two thin, but dark red lines where the first two strikes landed, there was a raised whelp, dead center across the breast and nipple (Okay, to the extent my nipples are in the center of my somewhat saggy boobs…not exactly center, but you get the picture, hee-hee.  Oh wait, no laughing.  This really hurt). 

We had our  After Care and Mike apologized for hurting me, which I immediately forgave him for.  He said that he would never use wires or cords or anything so thin ever again.  I expected the pain to go away pretty quickly, but it didn’t.  

My boobs and nipple stung for a few days – if my bra rubbed a certain way, or I brushed against something just so — Ouch!  In addition, the “big strike” throbbed for about 24 hours.  And that was just the boobs.  While it didn’t seem like he hit quite so hard on my butt, it too stung for some time.  It was probably a full 24 hours before I could sit comfortably.  It’s a week later and today is the first day my nipple isn’t sensitive to the touch.    

So a couple of things in reflection: 

Why not a hard limit? 
Great time to add this as a hard limit since we are re-doing our Contract.  I briefly considered it, but decided against it.   I trust Mike’s judgement.  I know he won’t be perfect, but I don’t feel I need to create a lasting reminder of this incident by codifying it as a hard limit.  Accidents happen.  We mitigate their chances by having great communication and intentions.  We revisited this incident at our last Maintenance Session, three days removed from the incident.  It was helpful to talk about it after we had a few days to think about it.    

Mike was very apologetic and I know he never intends to hurt me in this way.  Over the last 2.5 years he has earned my complete trust and confidence as a Dom.  This event did nothing to tarnish that.   

Is this what DD is about?
So, is Jenny okay with this type of discipline?
No, of course not.  But the result of this discipline is not what Mike intended and it doesn’t represent what DD is about, no more than a fender bender represents what good driving is about.

So, does Jenny think she should be punished for such trivial things?
Yes, absolutely!  I agree and accept that a punishment was in order as none of our rules are trivial to me.

So, is Jenny going to start posing questions to herself in all her posts?
No, sorry if that bothers you.  Don’t know what got me doing that, it actually bothers me, but oh well, I digress.

I want to go further in addressing any thoughts one may have about this being a seemingly trivial transgression.    I’ve had to answer this question before, posed by one of my sisters, so, I’ll just pre-preemptively answer the question now.

I believe if Mike fails to discipline me for an infraction it is like eating a cookie when you are on a diet.  Is one cookie going to make any measurable difference in your weight?  Absolutely not.  If Mike skipped disciplining me for this or any other “trivial” infraction make a measurable difference in my submission?  Absolutely not. 

But, we all know one cookie can lead to two, to a dozen, to a piece of cake, to other sweets, etc.  Regardless of whether or not the infraction is a measurable difference in my submission, it is still an infraction and doesn’t represent the submission I want to give to Mike.  And in DD, it is a violation of my duties and obligations that I have promised to Mike.  The phone charger issue is as deserving of punishment as any other transgression. 

Lastly, and of utmost importance, is the issue of consistency.   This is something I’ve written about in Post 158…Golden Rule of DD.   A Dom failing to discipline a transgression can be a complete mind-fu*k for a sub.   The rare mishap that occurred in this disciplining was not “cruel and unusual” punishment.  Lack of consistency by the Dom is cruel and unusual punishment in a D/s relationship.

I thanked Mike for his consistency for punishing my wrong doing, even though the punishment had an unintended result.  It did at least serve to heightened our collective awareness to be careful, especially when using new implements.  

Oh – and Mike created two new rules.  Mike’s charger is never to leave his bedside.  If anyone (other than Mike) needs to use it we have to leave our phone charging at his bedside.  And, he said no more using cords of any kind as a spanking implement.

I refer to our new contract as our DD 3.0.  Our first two contracts, which were of short duration, were our 1.0 version.  The Oct 2015 was 2.0, and this upcoming one is 3.0.

Our DD 3.0 is ready for take off.  Skies are clear, visibility unlimited!

NEXT: 173. Potpourri of my “new” Domestic Discipline 

 

125. Kayla’s Immersion (and “slappy” anniversary to me!)

Wow, almost 3 weeks between posts.  That’s a record for me.  

Couple of reasons for this respite.  Same old, “life got busy” stuff but also we had flu bug hit our house.  First me, then my son.  It probably accounted for about four or five days of being all off schedule.  Then there was just other things we can file under “stuff happens” that kept me at bay.

The most noteworthy item regarding my DD household will, of course, be about Kayla.  But before that….

Slappy Anniversary!
Oh, by the way, March 17 was the two-year anniversary of us adopting a lifestyle of Domestic Discipline!   Still loving it and I can’t imagine myself living any other way!

Okay, back to Kayla…
Her original “contract” is up soon and she has been anxious to update and replace it. She found this “play” checklist that she used to articulate her desires and limits, and suffice to say, there were only a few things on this checklist that she marked “no.”   It really is a well thought out list.  I encourage you to check out it.  

For some of the items it was a “yes, but…” but again, very few no’s.  Kayla has recognized that she has a desire for a much deeper submission a more Master/slave versus Dominant/submissive.  Much like my Submissive Frenzy, and my subsequent M/s immersion, she is craving more subjugation.  Before she codified her terms of subjugation, I strongly encouraged her to have her own M/s immersion.  I wanted her to first experience some of the things she was craving and make sure they really “scratched the itch” in the way she anticipated.  

Spring Break gave us a great opportunity to do this “immersion” as there was a three-day period where J would not be with us.  He and his cousins were spending time at my parents.  Let the immersion begin. 

I am not going to share many details as those details are about Kayla’s journey, not mine. But I will share a few observations.

KAYLA PREPARES
Kayla went in confident that the immersion was an introduction to a new way of living versus just a trail that would soon end.  She prepared herself in some pretty extreme ways. She shaved off all her hair, from head to toe.  She got her nipples and her clit pierced, which is a fun story by itself that I’ll try to remember to post about later.  Just know that Kayla, who can take a spanking like pro, is not fond of needles and didn’t even get her ears pierced until she was 17.   She would tell you that she had more trepidation over getting those piercings than she had about the immersion.  

For me the most extreme things was shaving her head and eyebrows.  She said she wanted to look different and to her it represented starting anew and growing anew.  It was very emotional for her.  She cried when she first looked in the mirror, but not in a sad way.  She said she was overwhelmed with a euphoria and a sort of extra sensory reaction from seeing the visual representation of starting a new journey.   It wasn’t a bawling type of cry.  She was smiling and chuckling as tears streamed down her face.

We got a general agreement as to what she was looking for in her immersion. She didn’t want to give Mike or me too many specific requests or guidelines.  Through the checklist she told us what would be acceptable, plus she went over a range of ‘acts of service” that she wanted to have expected of her, and sexually she said she was completely at Mike’s disposal for anything, any time,  – and anyone – that he commanded.  She wanted to be surprised and have her limits pushed.  So push we did, especially Mike. 

KAYLA’S IMMERSION
I am not comfortable sharing much about it.  I think perhaps in some ways it is because it was more than what I would want for myself, so I have a little harder time connecting to it enthusiastically.  I also had to see Mike be the Master and again, in ways that were more than I would want for him.   I had to keep my mind focused on Kayla’s wishes and focused on her happiness.  Spoiler alert – she was happy with the entire experience.  However, I still don’t have the enthusiasm to write about it, plus, it was such a personal journey for her that I don’t want to risk diminishing it through my own interpretations.  It was something for her and not intended for me, so why risk taking her experience from her through my own analysis of it?  

The things she did and had done to her were very intense, both physically and emotionally. So much so I don’t even want to relive it in writing.  There were a couple of times I told Mike I thought it was too much, but he persisted and said as long as both of us felt Kayla was capable of speaking for herself he would continue until Kayla said she had enough. Half way through the third and last day, Kayla actually relented and called “red” to stop, not just the particular activity, but the immersion.

She went to sleep very early that day and we let her sleep in the next.  She slept for almost 18 hours.  Before she went to sleep we spent a lot of time with her, reassuring, lots of after care, and that continued the next day, and luckily J didn’t come home until late that day.  That gave us pretty much the entire day to focus on Kayla.  

She was chipper, and said she felt refreshed, but a bit sore, like after an intense work out.  We went easy on her for the whole day and pretty much took the day off from any DD.  She reflected positively on the experience and felt very good about reaching her limit.  She had no regrets, which was a relief to Mike and I as we thought perhaps things got a bit too intense.

She said she definitely wants some of the M/s things in her new contract but agreed she doesn’t want to try to live the immersion 24/7.  For one, it just isn’t practical for us, but more importantly, it isn’t what she wants.   She has already shared a draft and has made several edits.  She also wants to plan for another immersion in the summer.  Yikes!  That is asking a lot of Mike.  I plan to somewhat repeat my  M/s immersion from last year.  (J spends at least a week at my parents during the summer).  

It all makes for a funny conversation – talking about how to accommodate Kayla’s submissive needs and desires as well as mine.  If anyone overheard us they would think we are crazy.  Maybe we are!    Crazy happy, that’s for sure! 

NEXT: 126. Catching Up (on spankings and other stuff)