353. On this date, March 153, 2020

So yes, I am alive. I really want to blog, but while it is mostly because I am lacking inspiration, I’ve come to understand that I am also lacking confidence. I’ve discovered that all bloggers, or anyone who creates a presence online, whether YouTube, Twitter, or whatever, need to have a level of confidence to continue that presence. A confidence that what they say matters, even if only to themselves.

For years my motivation for blogging was driven by knowing what I had to write mattered to me. I needed to get my thoughts out, think through experiences in more detail, and reconcile my new found lifestyle with who I once was. I’ve done that. Simply, I am at peace with my lifestyle. It’s really more than that. I am ecstatic with my life, but I am no longer intrigued by my inner workings and desires, nor amused by certain things. I don’t want to make it sound like I am bored – I am not. It’s just that my daily life seems routine to me.

For instance. My day today? This entire week was “deep clean” week. I moved all the furniture in each room, cleaned the floors, wiped all the baseboards, and even did paint touch ups of the nicks and scratches. I wasn’t even spanked once!

Yes, I am just a typical suburban submissive wife in a plural/poly open/swinging marriage that dabbles in BDSM and shuns wearing clothes unless absolutely necessary. What’s interesting about that?

And this terrible new editor in WordPress makes posting a chore!

I reviewed my FIVE half-written posts and figured I could at least put together something of interest. My mind just can’t seem to concentrate long enough to complete a full post. I go back and look at my drafts and find them uninspiring, unflattering, or disconnected ramblings. Hey, who said that? Was that you? I definitely heard someone say, “Well, Jen, that about sums up all your posts!”

Sigh.

CIRCLE OF TRUST HIATUS
Here’s an update on our swinging within our Circle of Trust. Swingset has been closed, thanks to Covid. We haven’t been together with our friends since our blow-out Swing-fest just prior to Covid. That was almost three months ago, but it feels like three years.

CALENDAR “MARCHES” ON
I heard someone say that today isn’t July 31. It is March 153. That’s about right. Well, since March 1, all three of my kids had birthdays. They are now 31, 24, and 20. It shocks me that J is 20! Wow!

Mike and I celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary! Albeit with a moonlight walk around the park and nearby lake, and maybe a little “funny business” in the woods. (wink-wink, nudge-nudge).

Mike just celebrated his 52 birthday, and my 51st is coming up. I don’t feel like I am in my 50’s. I still feel like, maybe 38? Whatever that means. Although, my lady-part problems are screaming, “Hey bitch, you are 51 and then some.” Yeah, I’ve had a return of my prior issues and a hysterectomy is in my future. I am fine with that, it’s just a bad time to schedule it re Covid and all. I am putting it off, maybe early next year if the discomfort doesn’t get too great.

Both Mike and Kayla’s jobs are secure for now, despite Covid. Both their companies had furloughs but they were not impacted. Kayla’s position is a bit tenuous and depending on how things go she might end up out of a job at some point. Mike’s position seems pretty solid. They both continue to work from home.

In some ways it been nice for the three of us to fully focus on just us. J has spent most of this pandemic at T1’s and E’s farm. Early on we visited a few times, and he came home for two weeks or so at one point. But he’s been “country-fied” and was dying to get back to the farm. He’s probably safer there if he keeps to T1 and E, but it’s L and the neighbors that worry me (aka, “The Nudies”).

With three kids and two adults, which include two young adults who can’t seem to stay away from their girlfriends, I am concerned about safety. J’s compromised immune system would likely struggle with Covid. We’ve put measures in place and it seems like everyone is adhering to them. So far, so good, but that’s of little solace knowing what the stakes are if someone gets careless. It worries me and I check in a lot, especially with Mrs. Nudie to make sure her and her family are acting responsibly.

Oh, and as I posted about previously, since March 1, we also celebrated our five years since adopting Domestic Discipline. Oh – and my blog turned 4 years old! So forget the hellscape that is America as we hurl towards civil war to fight a fascist take-over attempt in November, it’s all about ME and my milestones.

Yeah. I think my lack of enthusiasm for posting has something to do with that. I digress.

DISCIPLINE
Yes, I am still subject to Mike’s authority and discipline. I wouldn’t want it any other way. A spanking here, a spanking there. All in accordance with our Contract, which by default means, by my wishes. There have been a few “just because I need one” requests that I have made. I’ve found a good paddling is a tremendous release and distraction from world events. For me, reminding myself that my fulfillment comes from focusing on Mike and focusing on the things that make me happy (which is a redundant statement), helps reduce the stress and anxiety of living with a fascist leader of the country whose daily decisions kill people and put my own family at risk. Yeah, a spanking can actually make those thoughts melt away. At least for awhile.

I’ve share our Orgasm Control experiment in my last post. I made it through all of June without an orgasm. In fact, it wasn’t until July 2, that I came! Let’s just say fireworks came a little early, and cum they did! Mike then gave me “free reign” over my orgasms for almost two weeks, before restricting them again. Since then, I’ve been allowed here and there. I guess I could be posting more about it because that IS something that still amuses me and I am trying to fully understand my reaction.

I don’t want to repeat my prior post about it. Suffice to say that it still has had a very interesting and surprising impact on me. I think in a good way, but definitely in “a” way. Still sorting through that one. Strange indeed. Who knew?

Well, there you have it. That’s what’s been going on with me lately!

NEXT: 354. A SPANKING STORY

320. Domestic Discipline Contract Version 3.1

Here’s our latest contract.  I refer to it as our 3.1 Version as it isn’t that much different than the one we completed in October 2017.   I touched on some of the differences in Post 313.

And the 2017 version was a big step from our October 2015 version that I refer to as our “2.0” version.   Our 1.0 versions were the two we had from March 2015 to October 2015.  I don’t have copies of those. 

Our very first agreement was just for 30 days as we were trying to figure this out, and the second was for six months.  Confident in what we learned those first seven months, we did a two-year agreement.  Then a two-and-half year agreement.   We did it for 2.5 years because we wanted to sync up the date with our “DD Anniversary” of March 17.  Hey, even kinksters can be sentimental! 

As part of our contract ceremony, once we have agreed on all the changes, we plop our agreement into the barbeque grill and light it on fire.  We then just hold each other and watch it burn.  At that moment, we have no written agreement regarding our dynamic.  We then go inside and sign our new agreement.   

The reason for this is that we don’t want each agreement to just mark an extension of our commitments to each other.  We want them to technically all be NEW commitments, as they did not exist until we signed the new document.  Even though it may only be a matter of minutes between the burning and signing, it is symbolic and very emotional. I get teary-eyed as I am signing.  

I am so happy to have this blog as a reflection.  Like last time, contract time prompted me to go back and read my first dozen or so posts.  I just can’t believe where I was and how far I’ve come in consistently being the wife, mother, sister, friend, and person I want to be.

Okay, enough sentimental stuff.   By the way, we talked about paring it down quite a bit.  We really don’t need such much detail any more as we have internalized so much of it.   The agreement boils down to three simple things – Honesty, Obedience, and Safety.  Ultimately, we decided to leave the detail in.  It was really fun to re-read it and go through each and every word.  Sort of a recommitment, a restating of our DD vows!   Ahhhh, isn’t that sweet?  I guess I wasn’t quite done with the sentimental stuff.   Now I am. 

Or am I?  I also had this one last thought.  I’ve read various things on DD contracts and they often are structured around the “negative” of three D’s – Dishonesty, Disobedience, and Danger.  Early on I choose to make those more positive and state them in a way that is conveying the outcome I was seeking, not the behavior I was trying to avoid.   Sounds subtle, but it meant a lot to me then, and still does today.   Thus, Honest, Obedience, and Safety are what I strive for and for which I am accountable to Mike.    

Here’s our latest masterpiece!  hee-hee.   Apologize for any formatting errors I didn’t catch.  WordPress acts a bit funky with the formatting.

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DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

 TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. Purpose
   II. Definitions
   III. Effective Date, Term, and Negotiation
   IV. General Duties and Obligations
   V. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
   VI. Discipline
   VII. Maintenance Sessions
   Exhibit A.  Mantras

Whereas Michael and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement codifying and reinforcing their commitments, duties, and obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE

This Agreement codifies Jennifer’s desires to conduct herself in ways that serve Michael and allows her to live the life she desires for herself and to love life, every moment, and every day.
This Agreement codifies Michael’s desires to conduct himself in ways that support Jennifer’s desires to serve him.

Michael’s statement of intent: Jennifer, my love for you is absolute, without limits or conditions.   I admire, respect, and love all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated.  Thank you for the immeasurable trust and confidence you place in me, and most importantly, for your love.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you live the life you strive to live and to be the person you strive to be.

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Michael, I can’t imagine a better partner in life.  Words fail to fully express my thanks, joy, admiration, fulfillment, and love that I receive from you and feel towards you.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as yet another chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently meeting my commitments with your leadership to guide me.  I surrender myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you are without end.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS

1. DISOBEDIENCE: A violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations. 
2. DISCIPLINE: A consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “correction,” “discipline,” “punishment,” “reprimand,” and “reward.”  The forms of Discipline are specified in Section VI.7.

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND NEGOTIATION

1. TERM and TERMINATION: Michael and Jennifer agree to these terms effective March 17, 2019.  These terms remain valid until March 17, 2021 (“Termination Date”). This contract shall terminate on March 17, 2021, unless amended as mutually agreed upon.
2. NEGOTIATION DATE: Michael and Jennifer shall meet starting no later than February 17, 2021 (“Negotiation Date”), to begin negotiation on a new agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Negotiation Date or are unable to complete the negotiations on that day, both parties must mutually agree on alternative and or additional Negotiation Date(s).
3. NEGOTIATION MEETING:  Michael and Jennifer will discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future. Michael will call the meeting to order by declaring, “Negotiation of our Domestic Discipline Agreement shall now begin.”
4. SUSPENSION OF THIS AGREEMENT: Upon Michael’s declaration that negotiations have begun, all aspects except Section III of this Agreement are suspended.  Jennifer enters the Negotiation Meeting on equal terms as Michael, no longer submissive to him.  Jennifer speaks first to recognize that she is the author of this Agreement and can consider Michael’s input at her discretion.  If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, Jennifer will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I am once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of this Agreement ends and the existing Agreement is in full effect until Michael calls the next Negotiation meeting to order.  Once this Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Negotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.”

SECTION IV. GENERAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

1. FOR JENNIFER: Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be accountable to Michael for any and all of her behaviors.  Jennifer shall defer to Michael’s judgment in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Michael’s judgment in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Michael’s execution of her Discipline, she will respectively discuss it only during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Michael’s commands not because she is any less than Michael, but because Jennifer accepts Michael’s authority over her
2. FOR MICHAEL: Michael shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for her behavior.  Michael commits to sharing his desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others, and Michael will inform Jennifer if he demands her to help fulfill those desires in any way. Michael will strive to be stern and maintain a somber and serious tone in administering Discipline.

SECTION V. JENNIFER’s SPECIFIC DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of Honesty, Obedience, and Safety.

1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Michael, behaving in a way that cannot be disputed or doubted.  Evaluating her honesty is at Michael’s discretion.  Any doubt Michael has to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  Dishonesty includes embellishment, deceit, disingenuousness, withholding whole or part of the truth, and failure to share with Michael information that he deems Jennifer should know is important to share with him.
2. OBEDIENCE: Includes (1) Respect Michael as Head of Household, (2) Physical Self Care, (3) Emotional Self-Care, (4) Finances.
   1. .RESPECT MICHAEL AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLDconsists of 10 (ten) components:
      1. Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Michael; avoiding a tone that Michael interprets as rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him; responding to Michael with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate; never cuss at Michael.
      2. Promptness: Jennifer shall do what Michael tells her without hesitation and without body language that Michael may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Michael’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Michael.  This includes instructions Michael gives on any topic, any time, in any place.
      3. Sexual Obedience: Michael may demand any sexual or physical activity to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and anywhere and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer will adhere to “Anytime.    Anything.  Anyone.  Without hesitation.”  Jennifer shall behave in a way that Mike perceives as oblivious as to the time, place, activity, and/or person(s) involved.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Michael demanded.  Michael shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  Jennifer must share with Michael all sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has.
      4. Homemaker: Jennifer shall remain joyful, scheduled, and optimized regarding her homemaker duties which include all household chores regarding organization and cleanliness, and presentability, including ironing.
         1. Joyful: Jennifer shall never refer or imply to anyone that her Homemaker duties are a burden or inconvenience or react to her Homemaker duties in a way that is displeasing to Michael.
         2. Scheduled: Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, events, and masturbation, and submit the schedule and any changes for Michael’s editing and approval.  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when the schedule is not complete.  Jennifer is allowed to have music on while she performs her household chores unless she has sought Michael’s permission to have the television on.  Jennifer shall not behave in a manner that increases any household chores such as leaving her own trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out, towels on the floor, etc.  Further, she is to immediately pick up any such items others have left out.
         3. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties that she has not previously researched. Such as tips on ironing, cleaning, folding fitted sheets, or other household tasks. She will share such research with Michael and incorporate what she learned, as well as Michael’s preferences, into her methods.
      5. Mantras: Jennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by correctly reciting her Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Michael is home she will recite it in his presence.  If Michael is not home, she will recite them over the phone to him.  If a call was not possible, she will record herself reciting them out loud and text the recording to Michael.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.
      6. Availability and Awareness. Jennifer shall let Michael know where she is at all times. She is to provide Michael an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Michael to reach her at any time.  Jennifer shall ask Michael’s permission before doing something that could mean a change in the usual routine or that could result in a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations.
      7. Permission: Jennifer shall ask Michael’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.”
      8. Deference: Consistent with the respectfulness, dutifulness, and obedience that Jennifer desires, Jennifer shall defer to Michael’s judgment on any matter that Michael and Jennifer may disagree on.  She may calmly discuss the matter at a Maintenance Session and any discussion ends when Michael says it ends, and any decision he makes will be accepted by Jennifer.  Jennifer shall also consult with Michael on any major decisions before Jennifer makes her opinions known to anyone other than Michael.  Jennifer will always defer to Michael in public, never questioning his statements and never offering her opinion unless Michael has asked.
      9. Loyalty: Jennifer shall never complain to others about Michael or about any of her responsibilities.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced by Michael or by her Duties and Responsibilities.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaints should be aired only to Michael.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Michael or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.
      10. Assignments At any time and at his full discretion, Michael may provide Jennifer with a specific Assignment such as reading a particular book or doing research, as well as providing a written report to him on the book or research.  The Assignment may also encompass any other tasks that he may assign for any reason.
   2. PHYSICAL SELF-CAREconsists of four components:
      1. Physical Well-Being: Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; bathing, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities),  maintaining weight acceptable to Michael, exercising to Michael’s satisfaction, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Michael.
      2. Physical Appearance: Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Michael and subject to all his demands.  These demands include but are not limited to; maintaining hair that is presentable and styled to Michael’s liking, maintaining or attaining a weight to Michael’s liking, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining pubic hair according to Michael’s demands, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, shape, or grow out. Jennifer shall seek Mike’s permission and approval before obtaining any body piercings, tattoos, or any type of body modification, including the removal of existing piercings.
      3. Attire: Jennifer shall be fully nude at home unless given permission by Michael to the contrary.  Jennifer has Michael’s implied permission for things such as a solicitor or delivery person who comes to the door but Jennifer shall inform Michael of this.  Michael may deem that Jennifer is in violation if he feels the situation did not warrant her to be clothed.   Whenever possible Jennifer should ask Mike for permission to be clothed before donning clothes in the house.  When Jennifer is dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Michael demands, including whether or not she is to wear a bra or panties.  Jennifer shall always ask Michael’s permission to remove her nipple piercings.
      4. Gracefulness: Jennifer shall walk gracefully, sit down smoothly, and assume a pretty sitting posture, in public at Michael’s discretion. Michael shall correct her if she is not presenting herself gracefully.
   3. EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE Consists of five components:
      1. Feelings: Jennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Michael regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share with Michael any negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings.
      2. Relationships: Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cut off relationships that Michael believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Michael must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Michael forbids it.
      3. Workload: Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Michael’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much.  Behaviors Jennifer is known to exhibit when overworked include but are not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged).  Other indicators are at Michael’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report as soon as she begins to feel burdened by her workload.
      4. Masturbation: Jennifer shall masturbate alone and to climax three times a week, not including any additional demands from Michael.  Two of the three masturbation session must be written into her weekly Homemaker Schedule per Section V.2.1.4.2.
      5. Journaling: Jennifer must maintain a handwritten daily journal addressing these topics
         1. Jennifer’s reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day.
         2. Any Disobedient act of Jennifer’s that Michael was not aware of.
         3. Insights into her required masturbating, including details of when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated.
         4. A detailed account of any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Michael if Michael was not present during the activity, including details on the acts performed and how she felt before, during, and afterward.
         5. Points of clarity she is seeking regarding any topic Jennifer wants to address at Maintenance.
         6. Any concerns or troubling thoughts she has on any topic, including any moments she may not have felt submissive or acted as submissively as she would have liked.
      6. Self-disparaging Remarks: Jennifer shall never disparage herself for any reason, such as referring to herself as a whore, slut, or any other negative term.  While she may do so for humor, it is at Michael’s discretion as to whether the humor was appropriate.  
   4. FINANCES: Jennifer shall keep within the budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Michael, such as food and toiletries without Michael’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She does not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit and she is not to waste water or any household materials.
3. SAFETY consists of the following:
   1. RISK OF ACCIDENT, INJURY, OR THEFT: Jennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Michael will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, shall not leave her credit or debit card or drivers license at any store or office, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.
   2. RISK OF JUDGMENT OF FAMILY OR FRIENDS: Jennifer must show discretion and respect for her and her family’s safety regarding sharing aspects of her lifestyle with others.  Such aspects include but are not limited to Domestic Discipline, Dominant/submissive, Polyamory, or Swinging. Jennifer shall not initiate disseminating such information but is free to answer any direct question someone may have of her about those aspects of her lifestyle.  Such answers should provide the minimal amount of information necessary to truthfully answer their question.  This includes sharing additional details with people who are already aware of some or all aspects of her lifestyle.  Jennifer shall promptly share with Michael any such disclosures she made to someone.  It will be at Michael’s discretion to determine if such disclosure was consistent with Jennifer demonstrating appropriate discretion and respect for Safety.

SECTION VI: DISCIPLINE

1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:
   1. MICHAEL’S AUTHORITY: Jennifer grants Michael full and ultimate authority to determine the appropriate Discipline Jennifer is to receive.  Michael may use his discretion to provide any Discipline not explicitly defined or explained in this Agreement.
   2. DISPUTES: If Jennifer feels her Discipline was not consistent with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Discipline and accept it without complaint or use her Safe Words to modify or stop the Discipline.  She can then use the next Maintenance Session to discuss her concerns about the Discipline she received.
   3. SAFEWORDS: Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline.  Use of a safe word will not subject Jennifer to additional Discipline for her use of the said safe word.
      1. Yellow instructs Michael to pause.  Michael will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume that specific activity that caused her to call “Yellow” or if he needs to alter the Discipline.  The Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or she indicates that different Discipline is needed.
      2. Red instructs Michael to stop.  Michael and Jennifer will discuss whether or not the Discipline can resume in some alternative form.  It will be at Jennifer’s discretion to resume; else it will be considered complete and After Care will commence.    
   4. HARD LIMITS: Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), Scat, and any illegal activities.
2. DISCIPLINE TIMING/LOCATION: Michael will strive to promptly administer all Discipline.  When Michael determines it is not possible to quickly administer Discipline, it will be administered as soon as reasonably possible.  Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, without regard to how public or private it may be, regardless who else may be present, and regardless the type of Discipline Michael chooses to administer, whether verbal, physical, bare bottom, or otherwise.  If Michael is comfortable administering the Discipline at a given time and place, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that given time and place.  When Discipline is provided at home and Michael directs Jennifer to go to her room, it will follow the Discipline Ceremony as per Section V.4.; otherwise, it will follow Section V.5.
3. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Discipline shall generally be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner, with the exception of lectures.  Jennifer expressly desires Michael to be as stern, serious, and mean as he chooses when lecturing her.  Michael may use condescending and/or degrading terms of his choosing.  Michael shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered, and is subject to Michael’s interpretation.  Michael shall perform appropriate After Care and perform the Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.
   1. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Michael down for failing to be Honest, Obedient, or Safe, and for letting herself down for failing to uphold her Duties and Obligations in being submissive to Michael.
   2. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically and emotionally surrendered while being Disciplined, granting Michael complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Michael’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Michael.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back. Jennifer encourages Michael to verbally demand her to present and maintain specific surrendered postures.
   3. Aftercare: Michael is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven. 
   4. Closing Ceremony: At the completion of the Discipline, Michael will say, “All is forgiven.”  Jennifer will respond, “All is forgiven.”  This serves as a sign that Michael has forgiven her and that Jennifer has forgiven herself.   Further, Michael harbors no negative feelings towards Jennifer for her need for Discipline, and Jennifer harbors no negative feelings towards Michael for his administering Discipline.  Life moves on in peace.   
      .
4. DISCIPLINE CEREMONY:  When Jennifer is directed to go to her room to be Disciplined.
   1. Upon entering the room Jennifer will disrobe if not already nude. 
   2. Jennifer shall stand facing the designated corner waiting for Michael. Absent any other instructions from Michael regarding her posture, her default posture will be to stand upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. 
   3. Jennifer will not make eye contact or even acknowledge Michael when he enters the room. Jennifer is to remain silent and await any command.  Michael may demand that Jennifer retrieve an implement or he may have already selected one.  Michael will then call Jennifer over.
   4. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Michael with her eyes open and her head bowed.
   5. Michael speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is being Disciplined.  Jennifer must look up and into Michael’s eyes and accurately state why.   If she does not know or is inaccurate, Michael may choose to increase the severity of the Discipline.  When Jennifer speaks she must speak clearly, calmly, and matter-of-factly so that Michael can easily hear.  While maintaining eye contact with Michael, Jennifer must recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.  Jennifer is then to return to bowing her head and avoiding eye contact until After Care.
   6. Michael shall thank Jennifer for recognizing her Disobedience and her acceptance of his leadership and authority.  Michael may begin or continue to lecture Jennifer.
   7. Michael will instruct Jennifer as to the position she must take.  Michael will then administer the Discipline and may continue lecturing throughout. Michael may assign other Discipline(s) such as writing lines, corner time, or anything else at his discretion before initiating the Closing Ceremony per Section VI 3.3 and Section VI.3.4
      .
5. IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINE:  When Michael administers Discipline on the spot, without sending Jennifer to her room.
   1. Michael will provide Jennifer instructions regarding a location suitable to him to provide the Discipline, including on the spot she where she stands.  She is to follow Michael’s instructions regarding the removal of any or all clothing and as to what position she is to take.     
   2. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply without regard to the surroundings.
   3. Michael will deliver her initial Discipline.  Immediate Discipline is given without warm up, with strokes that are in quick succession and continue as long as Michael wishes.   The intent is to create a sort of “Shock and Awe” such that Jennifer knows that she may be subject to quick and immediate Discipline the moment she is Disobedient. 
   4. Michael will ask Jennifer why she is being Disciplined.  Michael will administer additional Discipline if Jennifer is uncertain or incorrect.  Michael will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Discipline. 
   5. Jennifer shall receipt her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.
   6. Michael may lecture Jennifer as he deems necessary and will then Discipline Jennifer a final time.  Michael may assign other Discipline such as writing lines, corner time, or anything else at his discretion before initiating the Closing Ceremony per Section VI.3.3. and Section VI.3.4.
6. MAINTENANCE DISCIPLINE: All Maintenance Sessions will begin and end with a spanking at Michael’s discretion.  These are not intended as punishment, but as a reminder of Jennifer’s submission and to provide her appropriate release as per Michael’s discretion. 
7. CATEGORIES OF DISCIPLINE
   1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE consists of Jennifer being spanked with an implement of Michael’s choice, or by hand.  She may be spanked on any part of her body that Michael determines is appropriate for her Discipline.
   2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINEconsists of any physical discipline other than a spanking.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, nipple clamps, tack bra, butt plug, nipple and/or clit clamps, enemas, or any other device or implement intended to cause appropriate discomfort consistent with the Discipline Michael wants to administer.
   3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINEincludes but is not limited to corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet or seeing family or friends.  Any restrictions on seeing family or friends is not to exceed one week. 
   4. VERBAL DISCIPLINEconsists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Michael may direct at Jennifer.  It is rarely given by itself as behaviors requiring Verbal Discipline most often require other forms of Discipline be administered.

SECTION VII. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS

1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Michael and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Michael review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline as per guidelines in Section VII.3.
2. THURSDAY SESSIONSconsist of Michael and Jennifer meeting with Kayla to review the collective triad dynamic with the intent of maintaining and fostering health and open communication between the three of them.  Jennifer will receive Maintenance Discipline per Section VII.3.
3. MAINTENANCE SESSION CEREMONY Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Michael administering her first Maintenance Discipline.
   1. Much like After-Care, Michael and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Michael.  Michael will, in turn, express his love for Jennifer and thank her for the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.
   2. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  They will then discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved. Jennifer will present her Daily Journal to Michael for his review and inspection.
      Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Michael was unaware. Michael will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.
      Michael will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      Jennifer will be given corner time for self-reflection as determined by Michael.  Michael may choose to leave the room, stay, or come and go during her corner time.  When corner time is up, she is to masturbate to climax.  After Jennifer’s orgasm she is to lay in bed, meditate, and it is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instruction.
      When Michael determines her self-reflection time is complete, he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite her Morning and Evening Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.  Michael may wait for as long as he chooses before holding her outstretched hands.  While holding her hands, Jennifer will remain kneeling with her head bowed.
      When Michael is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take a position and receive her last Maintenance Discipline.
      Appropriate After-Care is administered and the Maintenance Session is over
   3. THURSDAY SESSIONS: After Maintenance Discipline is given, the remainder of the Thursday sessions are unstructured and at Mike’s discretion.  They may include a final Maintenance Discipline.
      .

EXHIBIT A:  MANTRAS

1. MORNING MANTRA
   “Today I desire submission;
   through humility, not humiliation,
   through service, not suffering, 
   through being present, not in pain
   through being useful, not used,  
   through discipline, not punishment, 
   through focusing on Michael’s desires, my only need and purpose.”
2. EVENING MANTRA
   “Thank you, Michael. 
   Thank you, Michael, for leading, as I follow you.
   Thank you, Michael, for working, as I serve you.
   Thank you, Michael, for providing, as I appreciate you.
   Thank you, Michael, for guiding, as I trust you.
   Thank you, Michael, for deciding, as I obey you.
   I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.
3. DISCIPLINE MANTRA
   I accept your leadership and authority over me.
   I accept whatever discipline you decide that I have earned.
   I accept and appreciate the punishment I have earned
   I apologize for {transgression} as that does not represent the person and wife I want to be.
   I apologize that you have to take the time to correct me
   I am ready to be punished.

Next: 321. Perception is Reality

250. The Nude Normal

Part of my mid-April slow down in posts was due to me having to deal with some health issues.  Lots of doctors appointments!  Turned out it wasn’t something too serious – a pinched nerve that responded well to PT and the yoga has also helped.  Add to that – I am now officially pre-menopausal, that is, I am in perimenopause.  What joy!

The combination of odd neurological issues I was having from the pinched nerve, along with the plethora of perimenopausal symptoms, had me concerned that something serious was going on.  So it actually was joyful to find out it wasn’t something chronic.

Don’t cry over spilled milk. . . instead, go naked!
We (me, Mike, Kayla, and J) were at the dinner table when J spilled a large glass of milk on his lap.  I asked Kayla to help him get his pants off and I would go grab a towel as I didn’t want him dripping milk down the hall as his pants were soaked.  When I came back with some towels, he was totally naked.  J decided to remove his underwear and Mike figured there was no need to make an issue of it.  It was for the best anyway as the milk went down and through his pants.  

We got him cleaned up enough and he went to the restroom to wipe down with a washcloth so as not to be sticky and return before his food was cold.  I walked into the bathroom to see if he needed help as well as to bring him clean clothes.  He said he wanted to just stay naked.  His reasoning was he was just going to take a shower after dinner anyway, and he sleeps naked (that’s a recent development), so, why bother putting on clothes he will only have on for about twenty minutes? 

Why bother indeed!  “Okay, that makes sense.  You’ll need to convince your dad though so I’ll hang on to these clothes.”  And we walked back to the dinner table.  J explained himself, and even added, we’ve eaten naked before (at E’s cousin’s), so why not now?  Mike said, “Well, okay, then,” in this tone that implied, “Well, you thoroughly thought that out, I’ve got nothing to counter with, so sure, why not.” 

So J sat down and dinner continued.  Then a few minutes later J said, “Dad, you said we can be naked at T1’s to show support for E liking to be naked.  Well, I like it too.  Shouldn’t you all be naked right now to support me?”   

SOME BACK STORY
You might read J’s statement using a tones that imply some ulterior motive or desire to just be ornery.  That is not that case.  I’ve shared that J has a disability.  And much of what J says comes from a pure innocence – no ulterior motives –  just simply expressing what he is feeling in the moment, unfiltered by social cues and oblivious to the potential innuendo (which at times can make for interesting and uncomfortable moments in public).

And I believe I shared before that J wanted us to “go naked” ever since that first time at T1’s.   Mike said no, but did allow him to not get dressed after his bath as he goes right to bed after that anyway.  And, as we are going to the nudist resort in a month, Mike thought it would be a good idea for J to stay semi-acclimated to the idea of nudity.  So we all adopted a “naked after bath” routine at night, although he is often, but not always, asleep by the time others bathe. 

We all sleep nude and I am naked when I go to make sure he is awake – but we all have been getting dressed before coming to breakfast.  We also are planning more time with T1 and E, both at our house and theirs, to help normalize it as much as possible for J (and even to some degree, for us).   

We want it to be as “normal” for him because we worry a bit about how he may react to things.  His pure innocence sometimes is a bit like Tourettes. Not that it is an involuntary tick, but he often has an involuntary impulse to share whatever thought is on his mind.  And while he is well intended, sometimes the circumstances aren’t ideal for sharing what’s on his mind.  Example – many a times a restaurant he will yell, “Mister, you probably don’t know it but you are talking so loudly that we can’t hear ourselves over here.”  Or, “Oh my gosh, lady, I really need you to keep your mouth closed when you are chewing your food.”   

Having said all this, Mike doesn’t want us to formally adopt nudism. His initial reason is that he just doesn’t see that as being “us.”  But frankly, it has been growing on him.  He admits he enjoys it.  He also wants to make sure J handles it well.  So far, so good, but Mike see’s no reason to rush it.  And now, we have this dinner time incident. 

So how did Mike respond to J’s request for “support” of him being naked? 

THE NUDE NORMAL
We all got naked and finished our dinner!  And, while Mike said the naked dinner time was a one-time thing, he provided NEW guidance on nudity in the home.  He said going forward, if there was no school or we didn’t have to get dressed to go anywhere, the household could remain naked until 10 a.m.  We are to be clothed for dinner, but can be naked after that.  It is optional – but J said he would definitely go clothes-free at those times. 

MORE ON J
I want to share a bit more about my son as there is a distinction to my various “kinks” and nudism.  The biggest is that nudism isn’t a kink at all.   But it is unfortunately not a mainstream practice and often people attach their own hang ups and bias’ to those who practice it.  In that way, and only in that way, does it share something in common with kink. 

As part of the various quirks of J’s disability, he has various tactile issues.  He always likes to wear shirts that fit tightly and he has never liked pants, whether loose or tight.  It has always been normal for him to just have on underwear and a shirt when he is home.  He is very picky about things being the right texture for him, whether clothes, food, or whatever.   He has a couple of blankets that he carries around to sit on because he doesn’t like the feel of certain chairs.

He also is obsessive when it comes to any threads that may hang from clothes or even the tiniest of holes that appear on clothes.  He has to pull every string…he can’t cut them…and rip open every hole, whether in socks, pants, shirt — and whether or not in the comfort of his home or out in public.  It is like a compulsion and a reflex.  He sees it and “boom” he moves in.   Nudity solves all his clothes issues.  No weird feeling pants, no shirt being too loose, no threads or holes.  

He is happy being naked and thus far has been pretty oblivious to those who are naked around him.  While J can be socially inappropriate, it is never been mean-spirited.  Many times people will just say, “You’re right, I should be more quiet” and laugh.  One of the best stories I can tell you was when he was about five years old.  We were at a store and there was a kid with a disfigured face.  I saw it.  It fact, it was the only thing I saw when I looked at the kid.  Then, I hear J, “Mommy, mommy, look,” as he points to this kid.  I was mortified.  Then J said, “He’s wearing the same shirt I am wearing.”   Holy S*@T!  J was right.  He was.  And I could see the other kid smile the biggest smile and say, “you like Spongebob, too?”

So yeah, maybe it is our hang up, not his.

MIKE AND KAYLA
Kayla and I are similar in our thoughts on nudism.  I’ve shared that I really enjoy being naked.  Kayla does as well but she admits she is still a bit self-conscious.  I am tempted to just tell her, “Look at me with my cellulite thighs and butt, varicose vein legs, and saggy boobs, compared to your thin thighs, tight butt, flawless legs, and perky tits.”

But I don’t say such things to her – I display it!  I found you can’t convince someone about their self body image.  You can only support them and model self affirming behaviors.  For some, especially girls and younger women, body image isn’t about you looking better than someone else (especially not about looking better than someone twice your age, cuz that isn’t even a contest. She win’s hands down..or is it boobs up?).  Frankly, it isn’t even about your body.   I don’t want to go on a body-image rant, but the root of a lot of issues is feelings of shame.  And the irony is, being naked increases Kayla’s comfort with being naked, which deminishes her shame, and further increases her comfort with being naked.   

So while she is still not 100% comfortable with it, she admits she is getting there and actually is beginning to derive a sense of security from it.  It sounds weird as getting naked in front of others is one of the most insecurity-inducing acts you can typically think of.   But I get what she is saying.  Once you are acclimated to it and around others who are acclimated, you feel empowered, validated, and yes, secure!   

Mike enjoys it too, but still not at the “enjoyment” level of Kayla and I.  He finds it more “fascinating,” perhaps on a more intellectual level than an emotional level – but he’s getting there.  And it helps him to see that J is doing fine with it. 

There are a lot of positive studies about nudism.  Kids raised in a naturist household have a tremendously positive body image.   I read a study that was really quite sad about kids as young as four or five who felt negatively about their private parts — describing them as “bad” or “naughty” and using slang words to describe them.  Naturist kids described them no different than you or I would describe our elbows and knees, and use proper terms when describing them.   

It is one thing to grow up in a pro-nudist culture.  But J is 17 and … well, I almost typed…”and he has a disability.”  But frankly, I think we are using that as an excuse.  J is J.  He isn’t his disability.  If he can handle it, and thus far he has indicated he can, then that’s all that should matter. 

WHAT’S NEXT
We are a step closer to adding “nudist” to our various “labels.”  Not that I am keeping score, but let’s see, any one of these words fit me and/or the relationships Mike and I have – Domestic Discipline, Polyamourous, Swinger, Dominant/Submissive, Cauldism, a touch of BDSM, a tad of M/s, bisexual, cellular family, or perhaps a delta or a triad, ethical slut, metamour, open marriage, and so on.    

There are other terms that describe us as well, we are a household with a child with a disability, we are a household of a 26-year marriage, we are “suburban,” we might be aligned with this political ideology or that one, or this religion or that one, or none at all.  We are all these things and we are none of these things.   Labels help you identify what we do, not who we are.  That’s the problem with labels.  People often assume if you are “one of those” then they know who you are.

Nudism isn’t about kink, and I almost feel the need to apologize to nudists who read my “kink-infested” blog.   No, it isn’t kink, but it is a dramatic and positive change in how we embrace life.  Therefore I find it blog worthy.  That and, to be honest, I am still enthralled and amazed by it.  Like, how did I not discover this sooner?  It was literally staring at me in the face every day in the mirror!     

I assume the prevalence of kink for nudist is no different than kink for non-nudists.  It simply isn’t a “kink” indicator.   Oh well, call me what you want.  Labels only give you part of my story. 

Want the full story?  Okay, at least a fuller story?  You’ll just have to read 250 posts!  Ha.

Next: 251. . . . and sometimes reminders do have to be spankings

159. Follow the Leader

Right now, in your head, think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong leader.   Got it?   Got all three?   Don’t read on until you have all three.  That’s only two. . . one more.   Okay, you may proceed.

Now think of the first three words that come to mind that describe the traits of someone who is a strong Dominant?   Hmm, any differences in your lists?

My guess is, unless you are into a D/s dynamic, your lists were very different, but why?  Who doesn’t like a good leader?  We praise and admire good leaders and society constantly reinforces such praise and admiration.  A Dominant?  No such praise and admiration.  We likely have a negative bias towards the word “dominant.” After all, even the word is akin to domineering – asserting one’s will over another in an arrogant way.  

From an early age we are taught that it is good and acceptable to follow leaders.  Respect our elders and authority figures like policemen and firemen.  Obey our teachers, coaches, professors, etc.  It isn’t threatening, no one feels demeaned or oppressed by this.  There are positive connotations all around.

Well, in kink, a strong Dominant is the exact same thing as a strong leader – no negative connotations should apply.  My relationship with Mike is as much Leader/Follower as it is Dominant/Submissive.  The terms are interchangeable to me.  And just like any good authority figure, with great power comes great responsibility.  I have yielded leadership power to Mike. In turn, Mike wields this power while embracing many key concepts that make this power exchange work for us.

I want to dive deeper into those concepts, which I will do on the next post. What is different is that I will not be sharing my concepts or what they mean to me.  I will be sharing Mike’s.  Yes, sort of another “interview” with Mike.   And the concepts are interchangeable whether he was describing what is important to him in being a Dominant or with being a leader:  empathy, maturity,  self-assurance, assertiveness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, and consistency.   Coming soon!

NEXT:  160. I’ll Take You to My Leader