Blogoversary or Blogiversary? Is there an international arbiter of such things? The WPCC (Word Press Central Committee)? Or perhaps the IBBV (International Bureau of Blogging Vernacular)? I used “Blogiversary” last year, but I like “blogo” better as it sounds funnier to me. So, blogoversary it is!
On my first blogoversary I wrote about my favorite topic – Vulnerability! I have so many posts dedicated to that topic. Some of my favorites can be found under Finding my Happiness in my Shortcuts. I think it’s an appropriate topic again.
LOVE BEING VULNERABLE, EXCEPT. . .
The anonymity of blogging allows me to share personal and intimate parts of me without the IRL implications. Unfiltered writing also provides me greater insights into my own feelings, motivations, and desires. Insights you can’t get by thinking as such thinking is never as thorough, as focused, or as organized as writing.
I don’t give it a second thought to share that I submit to my husband and allow him to discipline me. There is no hesitation to share the sexual experiences I have with Mike, other men, or the experiences we both have with other women. I don’t hesitate to share details on various punishments or rituals that we have. Yep, I pretty much tell all without pause, even though I know that any one of those things are likely abhorrent to some of you (let alone those who abhor every one of those things).
DON’T (YELLOW) RAIN ON MY BLOGOVERSARY PARADE
I am undeterred, unapologetic, and share without hesitation. That is, except for punishments related to drinking pee. Yeah, sorry. That festive feeling of a “blogoversary” post has just left the building!
Pee is not a “go to” punishment from Mike’s, but, it happens more than I let on. When I write about a punishment that includes it, I either give it slight mention (so as to diminish it), or even omit it entirely. Mike is aware of this and as part of my “honesty” rule he has told me that I am not to omit “integral” parts of any punishment I chose to write about. I don’t have to write about it, but if I chose to right about a punishment where it is included, I am not to omit it. I’ve even been punished for omitting it. You can imagine how (see, I sort of mention it, but I don’t give details).
I can share details of how many spanks or other whacks I got, my feelings about each one, whether or not there was lasting soreness, my remorse, etc. But, not when it comes to drinking piss.
I’ve often thought of having pee as a hard limit. I’ve hesitated because part of me likes giving Mike the ability to do something I find so distasteful. It’s a bigger deterrent than spanking. If he ever chooses to give me a warning about something, all he has to say is something like, “Do you need a drink to help adjust your attitude?” While always quick with my responses, I am extra quick with an emphatic, “No, Sir.”
Instead of making it a hard limit, I told Mike I simply want to add a hard limit in that I do not want to have to write about this element of my discipline in my blog. That is, no punishing me if I omit it as part of any discipline I share here.
CAN I DO THAT?
We consulted the Domestic Discipline Assembly on Hard Limits (known as AssHal, of course). Assembly Chair, Neil Inlick, agreed that I could, but also ruled I had to explore why I felt this was necessary. By the way, he also ruled that because Hard Limits are so important and must remain under the full control of the sub, I was allowed the exception of “telling” Mike what I wanted regarding hard limits, versus “asking” or “requesting” it. He did however, let me off with a warning that in the future, I should start such conversations with, “Sir, I would like to discuss a hard limit that I am considering.” This way there can be a respectful conversation before I “tell” Mike of my decision. Warning noted!
WHAT’S MY PROBLEM?
I believe my desire to avoid sharing this is that I attach deeply negative things to the act. It goes beyond feelings of vulnerability, humbleness, or shame. For me it comes too close to feelings of humiliation and degradation. (Feelings explored in 178. Embracing Shame).
Pee as a discipline began with our last immersion when Kayla brought it up. She subsequently agreed to make it a part of Mike’s options for disciplining her. I was open to trying it, and ultimately agreed as well. I wanted to test and push myself and I still do. I just don’t want to write about it.
Writing about it gives me a feeling of being negatively judged. I know the judgment is 100% my own. Let’s be honest, I am not concerned about judgement from you. Spank my butt, bind my breasts, clamp my nipples and clit, stick a butt plug in me, give me an enema, scold me, send me to my room to stand in the corner, whip my boobs, slap my palms, watch me go to the bathroom and the list goes on. I’ve shared all those details without reservation. But pee? It’s just different for me. Ultimately, it is my own judgement that I am concerned with, and frankly, I haven’t reconciled what this punishment really means to me.
I have the right to make this a hard limit such that I don’t have to ever write of it again. Problem solved. But, a funny thing happened. As I was writing my last post, I had this urge build inside me. Even though I now have this clear “out” and don’t have to write about it, I suddenly have this desire to push and test myself even more. So, I am going to write about it in detail right now and see how it feels.
YOUR IN URINE
The pee related punishments I receive typically consist of a one-time drink that is straight from the source – Mike pees directly in my mouth. There have been some extended pee punishment such that I must drink throughout an entire day. I can be called over at any time to partake, sometimes directly, sometimes from a glass he fills. If he sees me drinking something else, he might stop me and top off my cup with pee. Yeah, the day long pee punishments are the worst.
I have the right to use safe words to slow down how quickly I must drink and can even call “red” to stop it entirely. It may be surprising to learn but most of the time pee is almost tasteless. . . just a little “off.” Rarely it is putrid and undrinkable. (226. Kink Research). When it’s been bad, Mike will allow me to dilute it with water or some other drink, which helps. Only once have I had to call red when it was just too much.
Whew! You know, sharing that wasn’t so bad. It feels very uncomfortable, yet also feels good, to “own it.” Maybe I will keep sharing when this happens. As it isn’t a common thing, I guess you’ll never know if I do or don’t share. Okay, enough pee pee talk.
THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF BLOG
Switching gears back to the blogoversary – April 23, 2016 was my first post. Thank you to everyone who reads, likes, and comments.
I am just over 400,000 views and this year have been getting at least 40,000 views each month off of around 7,000 visits each month. That is 3x the views and 2x the visits of what I was getting a year ago. I like it that I get 5 to 6 views per visitor each month as I suppose it means you all are intrigued enough to read/re-read multiple posts.
I had no idea if there was an audience for what I wanted to write. When I made my first dozen or so posts I hadn’t research or read many blogs and most were pretty tame and far from lascivious. I didn’t care, I started this blog for myself. I had a deep desire to write out my story for no one other than myself. As self centered as this may sound, I was amazed with myself – my decisions, my desires, and of course, with my DD. It was so opposite of me. I was vanilla, and in an instant was transported to, well, to any of these wonderful flavors. Clearly not vanilla!
It was akin to leaping from black and white Kansas to polychromatic Oz, and instead of the scare crow, tin man, and the lion, Mike and I have had adventures with Kayla, John&Donna, and now Matt.
I dove into my blog much like I dove into Domestic Discipline. I learned that there is a wide kink community online and on WordPress. Writing continues to be very fulfilling, and like I wrote last year, I strive to be even more vulnerable in my future posts, even if that means writing about, um, er, well, you know. Do I really have to say it? Um..er.. well, okay. Pee. There, I said it.
THANKS TO. . .
My top commenters are NaughtyNora, Lurvspanking, and CollaredMichael. I’ve had the most traffic off clicks from a link to my blog that is on My Bottom Smarts (Thank you Smarts!) If you want to find links to a bunch of spanko blogs in one place, visit My Bottom Smarts. Honorable mention goes to Our Naturist Blog whose link to a recent post of mine has driven 250 visitors this month. Yea for the nudies!
AND THANK YOU!
It thrills me that my experiences and thoughts have resonated with a few people, let alone the numbers represented by the stats. I know most of you are lurkers and some of you probably read because I am a freak show curiosity. For the rest of you I think I am either an interesting resource for your own DD or D/s journey or just an escape of some sort. Whatever the reason – thank you! For those who lurk but never comment, I’d love to hear why you come here. If you are afraid to comment, email me. My email is in my About section.
Two years of sharing and I still get the same fulfillment in blogging that I got when I started. Thank you for being part of that.