241. Blogoversary, Anno Blogini 2

Blogoversary or Blogiversary?  Is there an international arbiter of such things?  The WPCC  (Word Press Central Committee)?  Or perhaps the IBBV (International Bureau of Blogging Vernacular)?   I used “Blogiversary” last year, but I like “blogo” better as it sounds funnier to me.  So, blogoversary it is! 

On my first blogoversary I wrote about my favorite topic – Vulnerability!  I have so many posts dedicated to that topic.  Some of my favorites can be found under Finding my Happiness in my Shortcuts.   I think it’s an appropriate topic again.

LOVE BEING VULNERABLE, EXCEPT. . . 
The anonymity of blogging allows me to share personal and intimate parts of me without the IRL implications.  Unfiltered writing also provides me greater insights into my own feelings, motivations, and desires.  Insights you can’t get by thinking as such thinking is never as thorough, as focused, or as organized as writing. 

I don’t give it a second thought to share that I submit to my husband and allow him to discipline me.  There is no hesitation to share the sexual experiences I have with Mike, other men, or the experiences we both have with other women.  I don’t hesitate to share details on various punishments or rituals that we have.  Yep, I pretty much tell all without pause, even though I know that any one of those things are likely abhorrent to some of you (let alone those who abhor every one of those things).

DON’T (YELLOW) RAIN ON MY BLOGOVERSARY PARADE
I am undeterred, unapologetic, and share without hesitation.  That is, except for punishments related to drinking pee.   Yeah, sorry.  That festive feeling of a “blogoversary” post has just left the building! 

Pee is not a “go to” punishment from Mike’s, but, it happens more than I let on.  When I write about a punishment that includes it, I either give it slight mention (so as to diminish it), or even omit it entirely.  Mike is aware of this and as part of my “honesty” rule he has told me that I am not to omit “integral” parts of any punishment I chose to write about.  I don’t have to write about it, but if I chose to right about a punishment where it is included, I am not to omit it.  I’ve even been punished for omitting it.  You can imagine how (see, I sort of mention it, but I don’t give details).

I can share details of how many spanks or other whacks I got, my feelings about each one, whether or not there was lasting soreness, my remorse, etc.  But, not when it comes to drinking piss.

HARD LIMIT?
I’ve often thought of having pee as a hard limit.  I’ve hesitated because part of me likes giving Mike the ability to do something I find so distasteful.  It’s a bigger deterrent than spanking.  If he ever chooses to give me a warning about something, all he has to say is something like, “Do you need a drink to help adjust your attitude?”  While always quick with my responses, I am extra quick with an emphatic, “No, Sir.”

Instead of making it a hard limit, I told Mike I simply want to add a hard limit in that I do not want to have to write about this element of my discipline in my blog.  That is, no punishing me if I omit it as part of any discipline I share here.  

CAN I DO THAT? 
We consulted the Domestic Discipline Assembly on Hard Limits (known as AssHal, of course).  Assembly Chair, Neil Inlick, agreed that I could, but also ruled I had to explore why I felt this was necessary.   By the way, he also ruled that because Hard Limits are so important and must remain under the full control of the sub, I was allowed the exception of “telling” Mike what I wanted regarding hard limits, versus “asking” or “requesting” it.  He did however, let me off with a warning that in the future, I should start such conversations with, “Sir, I would like to discuss a hard limit that I am considering.”  This way there can be a respectful conversation before I “tell” Mike of my decision.   Warning noted!    

WHAT’S MY PROBLEM?
I believe my desire to avoid sharing this is that I attach deeply negative things to the act.  It goes beyond feelings of vulnerability, humbleness, or shame.  For me it comes too close to feelings of humiliation and degradation.  (Feelings explored in 178. Embracing Shame).

Pee as a discipline began with our last immersion when Kayla brought it up.  She subsequently agreed to make it a part of Mike’s options for disciplining her.  I was open to trying it, and ultimately agreed as well.  I wanted to test and push myself and I still do.  I just don’t want to write about it.

Writing about it gives me a feeling of being negatively judged.  I know the judgment is 100% my own.  Let’s be honest, I am not concerned about judgement from you.  Spank my butt, bind my breasts, clamp my nipples and clit, stick a butt plug in me, give me an enema, scold me, send me to my room to stand in the corner, whip my boobs, slap my palms, watch me go to the bathroom and the list goes on.  I’ve shared all those details without reservation.  But pee?  It’s just different for me.  Ultimately, it is my own judgement that I am concerned with, and frankly, I haven’t reconciled what this punishment really means to me. 

I have the right to make this a hard limit such that I don’t have to ever write of it again.  Problem solved.  But, a funny thing happened.  As I was writing my last post,  I had this urge build inside me.  Even though I now have this clear “out” and don’t have to write about it, I suddenly have this desire to push and test myself even more.  So, I am going to write about it in detail right now and see how it feels.

YOUR IN URINE
The pee related punishments I receive typically consist of a one-time drink that is straight from the source – Mike pees directly in my mouth.  There have been some extended pee punishment such that I must drink throughout an entire day.  I can be called over at any time to partake, sometimes directly, sometimes from a glass he fills.  If he sees me drinking something else, he might stop me and top off my cup with pee.  Yeah, the day long pee punishments are the worst.     

I have the right to use safe words to slow down how quickly I must drink and can even call “red” to stop it entirely.  It may be surprising to learn but most of the time pee is almost tasteless. . . just a little “off.”  Rarely it is putrid and undrinkable. (226. Kink Research).  When it’s been bad, Mike will allow me to dilute it with water or some other drink, which helps.  Only once have I had to call red when it was just too much. 

Whew!  You know, sharing that wasn’t so bad.    It feels very uncomfortable, yet also feels good, to “own it.”  Maybe I will keep sharing when this happens.  As it isn’t a common thing, I guess you’ll never know if I do or don’t share.   Okay, enough pee pee talk. 

THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF BLOG 
Switching gears back to the blogoversary  – April 23, 2016 was my first post.   Thank you to everyone who reads, likes, and comments.  

I am just over 400,000 views and this year have been getting at least 40,000 views each month off of around 7,000 visits each month.  That is 3x the views and 2x the visits of what I was getting a year ago.  I like it that I get 5 to 6 views per visitor each month as I suppose it means you all are intrigued enough to read/re-read multiple posts.

I had no idea if there was an audience for what I wanted to write.  When I made my first dozen or so posts I hadn’t research or read many blogs and most were pretty tame and far from lascivious.  I didn’t care, I started this blog for myself.   I had a deep desire to write out my story for no one other than myself.  As self centered as this may sound, I was amazed with myself – my decisions, my desires, and of course, with my DD.  It was so opposite of me.  I was vanilla, and in an instant was transported to, well, to any of these wonderful flavors.  Clearly not vanilla!   

It was akin to leaping from black and white Kansas to polychromatic Oz, and instead of the scare crow, tin man, and the lion, Mike and I have had adventures with Kayla, John&Donna, and now Matt.  
 
I dove into my blog much like I dove into Domestic Discipline.  I learned that there is a wide kink community online and on WordPress.  Writing continues to be very fulfilling, and like I wrote last year,  I strive to be even more vulnerable in my future posts, even if that means writing about, um, er, well, you know.  Do I really have to say it?  Um..er.. well, okay.  Pee.  There, I said it. 

THANKS TO. . . 
My top commenters are NaughtyNora, Lurvspanking, and CollaredMichael.  I’ve had the most traffic off clicks from a link to my blog that is on My Bottom Smarts (Thank you Smarts!)  If you want to find links to a bunch of spanko blogs in one place, visit My Bottom Smarts.  Honorable mention goes to Our Naturist Blog whose link to a recent post of mine has driven 250 visitors this month.  Yea for the nudies! 

AND THANK YOU!
It thrills me that my experiences and thoughts have resonated with a few people, let alone the numbers represented by the stats.  I know most of you are lurkers and some of you probably read because I am a freak show curiosity.  For the rest of you I think I am either an interesting resource for your own DD or D/s journey or just an escape of some sort.  Whatever the reason – thank you!  For those who lurk but never comment, I’d love to hear why you come here.  If you are afraid to comment, email me.  My email is in my About section. 

Two years of sharing and I still get the same fulfillment in blogging that I got when I started.   Thank you for being part of that.

Next: 242. On the Nudie Farm

174. My DD 3.0: Domestic Discipline Contract

I am proud of my Contract and strongly encourage every couple to codify their obligations to each other, with or without the kink.  The process itself is such an amazing and bonding experience.

Want to see our prior agreement?  Click here. 

WHY 3.0?
Our first agreement, good for 30 days, was March 17, 2015, followed by our second that was for six months.  Those constitute “1.0” versions of our dynamic.  Our third and much more comprehensive Agreement was for two years, expiring October 17, 2017.  That was our “2.0” version.   Our new Agreement, marking a significant shift in our dynamic, is therefore  “3.0,” and runs through March 17,  2019 (I’ll use another post to share why we picked that date).

I shared tips on how we approached our 2015 contract (Post. 10. My Approach to Our DD Contract), and while those tips still apply, there were different considerations this time.    This was waaaay longer than we intended, but we introduce things that are unfamiliar to us and thus they required more specificity to properly communicate expectations – especially in defining Obedience and what it means to respect Mike as Head of Household.  (oh boy – that section is the longest!)

SIGNING CEREMONY
We call a Renegotiation Session into order, meaning all rules are suspended.  We review and make sure we are both ready to sign.  We then get the existing agreement and we go outside, put it in the barbecue pit, and light it on fire.  We watch it completely burn.  In that moment, our relationship has no written commitment codifying what our DD means to us.  We then go inside and sign the new agreement.

This ceremony symbolizes the new Agreement is not just a continuation of our DD, but a new beginning for our DD.   Sappy I know, but this ritual, like most rituals, is a powerful and uplifting thing for the mind.

Hopefully the formatting is okay as WordPress does some funky things when you cut and paste.  Also, we are signing it tonight and may still find a few typos and things which we will correct before signing.  But here is where it stands as of this posting.  Without further babbling, get out your popcorn and settle in, as this is a long one.

OUR DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

TABLE OF CONTENTS

I. Purpose
II. Definitions
III. Effective Date, Term, and Renegotiation
IV. General Duties and Obligations
V. Jennifer’s Specific Duties and Obligations
VI. Discipline
VII. Maintenance Sessions
Exhibit A.  Mantras

Whereas Mike and Jennifer voluntarily and without pressure from the other or from anyone else, are entering into a loving, caring, and consensual agreement regarding their obligations to one another for the Purpose stated below.

SECTION I. PURPOSE

Through this Agreement, Mike and Jennifer create a caring, consensual, and fair set of obligations and duties that reinforce their commitments to one another.  This Agreement facilitates Jennifer’s desires to serve Mike in ways that help Jennifer live the life she desires for herself and to allow her to love life, every moment, and every day.

Mike’s statement of intent: Jennifer, I love you without limitation or condition.  I admire and respect all that you do for me and our family.  I commit to always treating you in the manner you want to be treated.  Thank you for the incredible trust and confidence you place in me, and most importantly, for your love.  I intend to consistently adhere to your wishes in helping you be the person you strive to be. 

Jennifer’s statement of intent: Mike, words fail to fully express my thanks and the  joy, admiration, and fulfillment I receive in all you have done and continue to do for me.  I wholeheartedly enter into this Agreement with you as the next chapter in my desire to submit to you.  I look forward to consistently meeting my commitments with your leadership to guide me.  I intend to surrender myself to you because my love, respect, and trust in you is without end.

SECTION II. DEFINITIONS

1. DISOBEDIENCE:  A violation by Jennifer of her Duties and Obligations. 
2. DISCIPLINE: A consequence of Jennifer’s Disobedience. Other commonly understood terms for such consequences include but are not limited to “punishment,” “penalty,” spanking,” and “reprimand.”   The forms of Discipline are  specified in Section VI.7.  

SECTION III. EFFECTIVE DATE, TERM, AND RENEGOTIATION

1. TERM: Mike and Jennifer agree to these terms effective October 17, 2018.  These terms remain valid until changed by the Renegotiation Process and subject to the Renegotiation Date.
2. RENEGOTIATION DATE:  Mike and Jennifer shall meet no later than March 17, 2019 (“Renegotiation Date”), to discuss renegotiation of this Agreement. If the parties are unable to meet by the Renegotiation Date, both parties must mutually agree on an alternative Renegotiation Date.  Any alternative date must be set no later than April 17, 2019.  Failure to meet or renegotiate by that date will result in automatic renewal of the contract under its present terms and the Renegotiation Date will be reset by one full year, to March 17, 2020.  If future Renegotiation Dates do not result in completion of the Renegotiation Process, the contract will continue to automatically renew in one-year increments in perpetuity with the Renegotiation Date date being reset each renewal by one full year.  If either party purposely avoids a Renegotiation, this contract can be terminated with cause by either Jennifer or Mike by April 17, in the year the Renegotiation was avoided.
3. RENEGOTIATION MEETING:   Mike and Jennifer will  discuss and agree upon any desired changes to this Agreement.  It is not a critique of anyone’s past performance under the Agreement and discussions are focused on what is desired for the future.  Notwithstanding, Jennifer is free to express herself, bound only by Section III of this Agreement.  She begins the Renegotiation Discussions on equal terms as Mike, no longer submissive to him.   Jennifer speaks first to recognizes that she is the author of this Agreement and can consider Mike’s input at her discretion.  If the meeting must continue into a second or subsequent meeting, Jennifer will declare, “This Renegotiating Meeting will continue on {stated date and/or time} and I am once again bound by our existing Agreement.”  Upon that declaration, the Suspension of Agreement ends and this entire Agreement is in full effect until  Mike calls the next Renegotiation meeting to order.  Once the Agreement is signed, Jennifer will then declare, “This Renegotiation Meeting is now over and I am bound by our new Agreement.” 

SECTION IV. GENERAL DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

1. FOR JENNIFER:  Jennifer shall, at all times, be Honest, Obedient, and Safe in her daily life, and to adhere to all aspects regarding the moral commitments she has made under this Agreement.  It is Jennifer’s expressed and unqualified intent to be accountable to Mike for any and all of her behaviors.  Jennifer shall defer to Mike’s judgement in determining if her behavior is Disobedient and defer to Mike’s judgement in determining proper Discipline.  If Jennifer has any concerns about Mike’s execution of her Discipline, she will respectively discuss it only during Maintenance Sessions.  Jennifer accepts Mike’s commands not because she is any less than Mike, but because Jennifer accepts Mike’s authority over her
2. FOR MIKE:  Mike shall strive to never hesitate to hold Jennifer accountable for her behavior.  Mike commits to sharing his desires with Jennifer, however prurient, patriarchal, or misogynistic they may be interpreted by Jennifer or others, and Mike will inform Jennifer if he demands her to help fulfill those desires.  When Disciplining Jennifer, Mike will strive to maintain a professional businesslike tone, avoiding a condescending or degrading tone.  This reflects that Mike is in control of both Jennifer and himself.

V.  JENNIFER’S SPECIFIC DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS

Jennifer’s Duties and Obligations consist of Honesty, Obedience and Safety.

1. HONESTY:  Jennifer’s shall always be unquestionably honest with Mike.  Evaluating her honesty is at Mike’s discretion.  Any doubt as to Jennifer’s honesty is sufficient to be labeled as dishonest.  Dishonesty includes embellishment, withholding whole or part of the truth, and failure to share with Mike things he deems important for him to know.
   .
2. OBEDIENCE:  Includes (1) Respect Mike as Head of Household, (2) Physical Self Care, (3) Emotional Self-Care, (4) Finances.
   1. .RESPECT MIKE AS HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD consists of 10 (ten) components:
      1.  Respectful Tone and Acknowledgement:  Jennifer shall maintain, at all times, whether in public or in private, a respectful tone in speaking to Mike; avoiding a tone that Mike interprets as rude, dismissive, irritated, impatient, or is in any way displeasing to him;  responding to Mike with “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” or “Thank you, Sir” as appropriate;  never cuss at Mike.
      2. Promptness:  Jennifer shall do what Mike tells her without hesitation and without body language that Mike may interpret as rude, dismissive, or that conveys that Jennifer is in any way inconvenienced by Mike’s request, or is in any way displeasing to Mike.  This includes  instructions Mike gives on any topic, any time, in any place.
      3. Sexual Obedience:  Mike may demand any sexual or physical act to be performed upon or by Jennifer on him or any other person at any time and Jennifer shall comply without hesitation.  Jennifer may use the next Maintenance Session to air her concerns and request any modifications or cessation of a particular act that Mike demanded.  Mike shall comply with Jennifer’s request.  Jennifer must share all sexual thoughts, dreams desires, or fantasies she has.
      4. Homemaker:  Jennifer shall remain joyful, scheduled, and optimized regarding her homemaker duties which include but are not limited to; laundry, dishes, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, ironing, cleaning bathrooms and organization of rooms, drawers, closets, pantry, refrigerator, etc.   
         1. Joyful: Jennifer shall never refer or imply to anyone that her Homemaker duties are a burden or inconvenience. 
         2. Scheduled:  Jennifer shall create, maintain, and adhere to a written schedule of chores, errands, and events and submit the schedule and any changes for Mike’s editing and approval.  The schedule shall include at least one schedule masturbation by Jennifer per Section V.2.3.4  Jennifer will not watch television, talk on the phone, or do anything to otherwise “relax” when the schedule is not complete.  Jennifer is allowed to have the radio on while she performs her duties and can ask Mike’s permission to have the television on.  Jennifer shall not behave in a manner that increases any household chores such as leaving trash on tables or counters, leaving dishes or cups out on end tables, towels on the floor, etc.
         3. Optimized: Jennifer shall research the optimal way to perform various duties, such as folding fitted sheets or any other household task.  She will share such research with Mike and incorporate what she learned, as well as Mike’s preferences, into her methods.
      5. Mantras:  Jennifer shall begin each morning and end each evening by reciting Morning Mantra or Evening Mantra three times as per Exhibit A.  If Mike is home she will recite it in his presence.   If Mike is not home, she will recite them out loud to herself and text Mike that she has completed her Mantra.  Jennifer’s Morning Mantra shall be the first words she speaks for the day, and her Evening Mantra shall be her last.  If she speaks again that evening, she will again have to repeat her Evening Mantra so that it remains her last spoken words of the day.  Any mistakes or failure to recite the Mantra subjects Jennifer to Discipline.
      6. Availability and Awareness. Jennifer shall let Mike know where she is going to be if she is not home or attending a scheduled event.  She is to provide Mike an appropriate and timely reminder of scheduled events she attends outside the house.  She must keep her cell phone battery charged and have a way for Mike to reach her at any time.  Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission before doing something that could mean a change in the usual routine or that implies a delay in the performance of her Duties and Obligations.
      7. Permission: Jennifer shall ask Mike’s permission when; leaving the house for other than scheduled errands, faced with decisions regarding her social calendar, such as friends asking her to lunch, when a repairman asks for approval on work to be done, or when family members make a request of her time.  When such decisions are needed she is to let the person know using wording similar to:  “I need to check with my husband.” or, “I’d love to, let me check with Mike.”
      8. Deference:  Consistent with the respectfulness, dutifulness, and obedience that Jennifer desires, Jennifer shall defer to Mike’s judgement on any matter that Mike and Jennifer may disagree on.  She may calmly discuss the matter at a Maintenance Session and any discussion ends when Mike says it ends, and any decision he makes will be accepted by Jennifer. 
      9. Loyalty:   Jennifer shall never complain to others about Mike or her Duties and Responsibilities.  Complaining includes coming across as burdened, frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced by Mike or by her Duties and Responsibilities.  Any of Jennifer’s concerns or complaints should be aired only to Mike.   Further, accounts Jennifer provides to others regarding Mike or her Duties and Obligations should always be done in positive terms with reverence and joy.
      10. Quarterly Goals  Every three months Mike shall set a specific goal or assignment for Jennifer that is focused on her inner peace or development as a submissive.   It may take any form Mike requires as accepting any task is part of Jennifer’s development as a submissive. 
   2. PHYSICAL SELF-CARE  consists of four components:
      1. Physical Well-Being:  Jennifer shall look after her physical well-being; bathing, brushing and flossing teeth (no cavities),  maintaining weight acceptable to Mike, exercising to Mike’s satisfaction, going to regular doctor, dental, optometrist, or other medical appointments, taking medications as prescribed, getting the flu shot, maintaining OTC meds (vitamins, etc.), and getting good rest, including adhering to a bedtime prescribed by Mike.
      2. Physical Appearance:  Jennifer shall maintain a physical appearance pleasing to Mike and subject to all his demands.  These demands include but are not limited to; maintaining hair that is combed, neat, and styled to Mike’s liking, maintaining or attaining a healthy weight, putting on sufficient make up as early in the morning as reasonable, and maintaining pubic hair according to Mike’s wishes, whether that be to partially or wholly shave, trim, shape, or grow out.
      3. Attire:  Jennifer shall be fully nude unless given permission by Mike to the contrary, with Mike’s implied permission whenever children or company is present or expected.  When dressed, whether in public or in private, Jennifer shall dress consistent to Mike demands, including whether or not she is to wear a bra or panties.  Jennifer shall always ask Mike’s permission to remove her nipple piercings.
      4. Gracefulness: Jennifer shall Walk Gracefully, Sit Down Smoothly, and assume a Pretty Sitting Posture, both in public and in private.  Exception:  Section VI.3 applies in lieu of this section 4. Gracefulness regarding her demeanor when being disciplined.
         1. Walk Gracefully:  Jennifer shall glide as she walks, holding her head high, remain vertical from hips up, swing out from hips smoothly, keep stride moderate, point feet in a straight line.  She will not drag or click heels or feet, over swing arms, over reach stride, or drop heels or feet with a thud.  Her head will be up, not slanted to either side, and she will not sway her hips unnecessarily.  
         2. Sit Down Smoothly: When preparing to sit, Jennifer shall touch the back of her knees to the seat of the chair, then, without sticking her buttocks out, gently lower herself keeping erect.  Once lowered, she will smoothly glide back into the chair, avoiding wiggling back into the chair with snake hips. If her skirt needs straightening, she failed to sit down smoothly and can gently and discreetly adjust her skirt as needed, avoiding flinging or flopping it in the air. 
         3. Pretty Sitting Posture:  Jennifer shall keep her ankles together or cross, and shall not cross at the knee.  She is to sit tall, with one hand over the other, either in her lap or just to the left or right.
   3.  EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE Consists of five components: 
      1. Feelings: Jennifer shall avoid overextending her time and emotions to other family members or friends. Jennifer shall comply with any demand from Mike regarding decreasing or eliminating her attention on others.  Jennifer shall always share negative feelings she may be having about any person, experience, or subject.  Such negative feelings include but are not limited to anxiety, boredom, irritation, sadness, stress, and jealousy.  Any cussing by Jennifer for any reason at any time will be deemed a failure to properly express her feelings. 
      2. Relationships: Jennifer shall maintain healthy, positive relationships with friends and family.  Jennifer will cutoff from relationships that Mike believes are unhealthy; however, Maintenance Sessions can be used for open and respectful dialogue and Mike must allow Jennifer to make reasonable attempts to improve a questionable relationship before Mike forbids the relationship.
      3. Workload:  Jennifer shall only take on tasks she can handle.  It is at Mike’s discretion to determine if she has taken on too much.  Behaviors Jennifer is known to exhibit when over worked include but are not limited to: missed deadlines, missed appointments, leaving the house without her cell phone or other items needed for that errand, not keeping personal belongings clean and in working order (if broken, repairs must be quickly arranged).  Other indicators are at Mike’s discretion to identify and for Jennifer to self-report as soon as she begins to feel burdened, even if her feeling of burden is in relation to her Duties and Obligations.
      4. Masturbation: Jennifer shall masturbate alone and to climax twice a week not including any demands from Mike that she masturbate.  One masturbation session must be written into her weekly written Homemaker Schedule per Section V.2.1.4.2.
      5. Journaling: Jennifer must maintain a hand written daily journal addressing these topics
         1. Jennifer’s reflection on significant events of the day, including any Discipline she may have received that day. 
         2. Any Disobedient act of Jennifer’s that Mike was not aware of.
         3. Insights into her twice-weekly required masturbations, including details of when, where, how, and for how long she masturbated. 
         4. Detailed account of any sexual activity she had with anyone other than Mike if Mike was not present during the activity.
         5. Points of clarity she is seeking regarding any topic Jennifer wants to address at Maintenance.
      6. Unsubmissive Daily Journal: Separate from the journal per Section V.2.3.5, Jennifer must maintain a hand written journal of any unsubmissive thoughts she had that day
   4. FINANCES: Jennifer  shall keep within her budget and never make household purchases beyond basic necessities, as defined by Mike, such as food and toiletries without Mike’s permission, regardless of the cost of the item.  If something needs to be returned, she is to promptly return it.  She is not leave lights on in a room if she is the last to exit and she is not to waste water or any household materials.
3. SAFETY consists of the following:
   1. RISK OF ACCIDENT, INJURY, OR THEFT: Jennifer shall not engage in activities that increase the risk of accident or injury to herself or others.  This includes but is not limited to any traffic violations whether ticketed or not, leaving a pan on the stove, texting while driving, using the cell phone in other than hands free while driving, or unsafe activities such as leaving things on the floor that present a trip hazard (whether or not anyone actually has tripped), or standing on a ladder without someone being there for support. Further, if Jennifer breaks something, Mike will determine if it was reasonable to assume her action could have led to the breakage.  Jennifer shall never run out of gas while driving, shall make sure the house is locked when she leaves it unoccupied, and shall make sure the garage door is closed after she comes home.
   2. RISK OF JUDGMENT OF FAMILY OR FRIENDS:  Jennifer and Mike recognize that others may unfairly judge them for their DD lifestyle, or may misconstrue the meaning of that lifestyle such that Jennifer or Mike may be at risk of harm or being thought ill of.  However, Jennifer and Mike do not want the burden of hiding their true relationship.  Therefore, Jennifer and Mike will adhere to the terms of this Agreement in public.  While in public, Mike may choose to defer Discipline as he deems appropriate.  Jennifer shall not share aspects of their relationship that are considered Domestic Discipline, Dominant/submissive, Polyamorous, Swinging, or any other kink, unless Jennifer has Mike’s permission.   

SECTION VI: DISCIPLINE

1. GENERAL GUIDELINES:
   1. MIKE’S AUTHORITY:  Jennifer grants Mike full and ultimate authority to determine the appropriate Discipline Jennifer is to receive.  Mike may use his discretion to provide any Discipline not explicitly defined or explained in this Agreement.
   2. DISPUTES: If Jennifer feels her Discipline was not consistent with the intent or spirit of this Agreement, she is to say nothing at the time of the Discipline and accept it without complaint or use her Safe Words to modify or stop the Discipline.  She can then use the next Maintenance Session to discuss her concerns about the Discipline she received.
   3. SAFE WORDS:  Jennifer can use two safe words when receiving Discipline.  Use of a safe word will not subject Jennifer to additional Discipline for her use of said safe word.
      1. Yellow instructs Mike to pause.  Mike will ask Jennifer if it is okay to resume that specific activity that caused her to call “Yellow” or if he needs to alter the Discipline.  The Discipline will not resume until Jennifer indicates it is okay to either proceed with the Discipline that was being given or she indicates that different Discipline is needed.
      2. Red instructs Mike to stop. Mike can choose to defer the Discipline until a later time or call the Discipline as complete. If Mike wishes to resume the Discipline at a later time, Jennifer is free to continue using safe words to pause or stop the Discipline.    
   4. HARD LIMITS:  Jennifer may alter, add, or remove any Hard Limits at any time.  Current hard limits include:  Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Gun Play, Fire Play, Knife Play, Piercing (in the context of play or Discipline), and Scat.
2. DISCIPLINE TIMING/LOCATION: Mike will strive to promptly administer all Discipline.  When Mike determines it is not possible to quickly administer Discipline, it will be administered as soon as reasonably possible.  Jennifer agrees to be subject to Discipline at any time, at any place, without regard to how public or private it may be, regardless who else may be present, and regardless the type of Discipline Mike chooses to administer, whether verbal, physical, bare bottom, or otherwise.  If Mike is comfortable administering the Discipline at a given time and place, Jennifer must accept the Discipline in that given time and place.  When Discipline is provided at home and Mike directs Jennifer to go to her room, it will follow the Discipline Ceremony as per Section V.4.; otherwise, it will follow Section V.5. 
3. DISCIPLINE INTEGRITY: Discipline shall be given in a calm, purposeful, and resolved manner.  Mike shall determine the type, duration, and intensity of the Discipline necessary for Jennifer to be Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered.  Jennifer’s demeanor and body language shall be consistent with being Reflective, Remorseful, and Surrendered, and is subject to Mike’s interpretation.  Mike shall perform appropriate After Care and perform the Closing Ceremony to mark the end of that Discipline.
   1. Remorseful: Jennifer should feel remorse, not sorrow. Her remorse is expected to be for both letting Mike down for failing to be Obedient, and for letting herself down for failing to be submissive to Mike’s needs. Jennifer encourages Mike to lecture her to help her feel remorse for her behavior and mold future behavior, subject to Section IV. 2.
   2. Surrendered: Jennifer must be physically surrendered while being Disciplined, granting Mike the complete ability to deliver the Discipline.  This means no pulling away, pushing Mike’s hand, or in any way interfering with the Discipline. Unless instructed otherwise, Jennifer will avoid eye contact with Mike.  If she is standing, her head and eyes should be facing downward with her hands clasped behind her back. Jennifer encourages Mike to verbally demand her to present and maintain specific surrendered postures.
   3. .After care: Mike is to comfort Jennifer by cuddling her and maintaining a comforting mindset with affirming words of love and commitment. No lecturing during After Care as all the focus is on expressing love for Jennifer and reassuring all is forgiven. 
   4. Closing Ceremony:  At the completion of the Discipline, Mike will say, “All is forgiven.”  Jennifer will respond, “All is forgiven.”  This serves as a sign that Mike has forgiven her and that Jennifer has forgiven herself.   Further, Mike harbors no negative feelings towards Jennifer for her need for Discipline, and Jennifer harbors no negative feeligns towards Mike for his administering Discipline.  Life moves on in peace.   
      .
4. DISCIPLINE CEREMONY:  When Jennifer is directed to go to her room to be Disciplined.
   1. Upon entering the room Jennifer will lock the door if children are in the house and completely disrobe. 
   2. Jennifer shall stand facing the designated corner waiting for Mike. Absent any other instructions from Mike regarding her posture, her default posture will be to stand upright, with her hands to her side, palms open and touching the side of her legs. 
   3. Jennifer will unlock the door upon Mike’s knock and without making eye contact, return to her corner.  Mike may remain silent and leave Jennifer in the corner until he is ready to continue.  Jennifer is to remain silent. Mike may instruct Jennifer to retrieve an implement or he may have already retrieved one.  Mike will call Jennifer over.
   4. Jennifer is to remain silent and kneel down in front of Mike with her eyes open and her head bowed.
   5. Mike speaks first and asked Jennifer to state why she is being Disciplined.  Jennifer must look up and into Mike’s eyes and accurately state why.   If she does not know or is inaccurate, Mike may choose to increase the severity of the Discipline.  When Jennifer speaks she must speak clearly and matter-of-factly so that Mike can easily hear.  While maintaining eye contact with Mike, Jennifer must recite her Discipline Mantra per Exhibit A.  Jennifer is then to return to bowing her head and avoiding eye contact until After Care.
      
   6. Mike shall thank Jennifer for recognizing her Disobedience and her acceptance of his leadership and authority.  Mike may begin or continue to lecture Jennifer, subject to Section IV. 2.  
   7. Mike will instruct Jennifer as to the position she must take.  Mike will then administer the Discipline and may continue lecturing throughout.  
   8. Appropriate After-Care and Closing Ceremony as per Section VI.3.3 and Section VI.3.4.
      .
5. IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINE:  When Mike administers Discipline on the spot, without sending Jennifer to her room.
   1. Mike will provide Jennifer instructions regarding a location suitable to him to provide the Discipline, including on the spot she where she stands.  She is to follow Mike’s instructions regarding the removal of any or all clothing and as to what position she is to take.     
   2. Jennifer is not to object or speak. She is only to immediately comply without regard to the surroundings.
   3. Mike will deliver her initial Discipline.  Immediate Discipline is given without warm up, with strokes that are in quick succession and continue as long as Mike wishes.   The intent is to create a sort of “Shock and Awe” such that Jennifer knows that she may be subject to quick and immediate Discipline the moment she is Disobedient. 
   4. Mike will ask Jennifer why she is being Disciplined.  Mike will administer additional Discipline if Jennifer is uncertain or incorrect.  Mike will then explain to Jennifer why she earned the Discipline. 
   5. Mike will then Discipline Jennifer a final time. 
   6. Appropriate After Care and Closing Ceremony per Section VI.3.4 and Section VI.3.5.
      .
6. MAINTENANCE DISCIPLINE: All Maintenance Sessions will begin and end with a spanking at Mike’s discretion.  These are not intended as punishment, but as a reminder of Jennifer’s submission and to provide her appropriate release as per Mike’s discretion. 
7. CATEGORIES OF DISCIPLINE 
   1. SPANKING DISCIPLINE consists of Jennifer being spanked with an implement of Mike’s choice, or by hand.  She may be spanked on any part of her body that Mike determines is appropriate for her Discipline.
   2. NON-SPANKING PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE consists of any physical discipline other than a spanking.  It includes but is not limited to breast bindings, nipple clamps, tack bra, butt plug, nipple and/or clit clamps, enemas, or any other device or implement intended to cause appropriate discomfort consistent with the Discipline Mike wants to administer.
   3. NON-PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE includes but is not limited to corner time, kneeling, loss of privileges such as television or internet or seeing family or friends.  Any restrictions on seeing family or friends is not to exceed one week. 
   4. VERBAL DISCIPLINE consists of any verbal admonishing and/or lecturing Mike may direct at Jennifer.  It is rarely given by itself as behaviors requiring Verbal Discipline most often require other forms of Discipline be administered.

SECTION VII. MAINTENANCE SESSIONS

1. SUNDAY SESSIONS consist of  Mike and Jennifer meeting to discuss certain topics allowing Jennifer to seek clarification on any Discipline or any other aspect of their dynamic, have Mike review Jennifer’s behavior and progress, have Jennifer present her Primary Daily Journal for inspection, and for Jennifer to receive Maintenance Discipline as per guidelines in Section VII.3.
2. THURSDAY SESSIONS consist of Mike and Jennifer meeting to review any unsubmissive thoughts Jennifer has had and answer any questions Mike may pose as per guidelines in Section VII.3.  
3. MAINTENANCE SESSION CEREMONY Jennifer shall be nude throughout and will begin with Mike administering her first Maintenance Discipline.
   1. Much like After-Care, Mike and Jennifer will embrace and Jennifer will speak, reaffirming her love and respect for herself, her family, and for Mike.  Mike will in turn express his love for Jennifer and thank her the commitment of personal responsibility she has made and state his continued support to help her become the person she wants to be.   
   2.  SUNDAY SESSIONS:  They will then discuss Jennifer’s behaviors and Discipline that week.  All discussions will focus only on that week.  Jennifer will not bring up past issues as those issues are considered resolved.
      
   3. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Primary Daily Journal to Mike for his review and inspection.   Jennifer will self-report on any Disobedience that occurred that week for which Mike was unaware.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Jennifer will present her Unsubmissiveness Daily Journal to Mike for his review and inspection    
   4. SUNDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will administer any Discipline he deems necessary for any of Jennifer’s self-reported Disobedience, as well as for any Journal shortcomings.  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to his expectations of her for the coming week and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer.
      THURSDAY SESSIONS:  Mike will lecture Jennifer as to her unsubmissiveness thoughts and may choose to dialogue with Jennifer. 
   5. SUNDAY SESSION:  Jennifer will be given self-reflection time as determined by Mike.  Jennifer will be given a specific amount of corner time.  When that time is up she is to masturbate to climax.  Jennifer will choose the location in the bedroom where she wishes to masturbate and may ask Mike if she can use an aide such as a vibrator.  Mike may be present during her masturbation or even come and go from the room but he will remain silent and away from her immediate proximity.  After Jennifer’s orgasm she is to lay in bed, meditate, and it is acceptable for her to fall asleep as she waits for further instruction.  
   6. SUNDAY SESSION:  When Mike determines her self-reflection time is complete, he will call Jennifer over.  She is to kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and recite her Morning and Evening Mantras per Exhibit A.  She will then bow her head and reach out her hands.  Mike may wait for as long as he chooses before holding her outstreatched hands.  While holding her hands, Jennifer will remain kneeling with her head bowed.
   7. SUNDAY AND THURSDAY SESSION:  When Mike is ready, he will instruct Jennifer to take position and receive her last Maintenance Discipline. 
   8. Appropriate After-Care is administered per Section IV 3.3. and the Maintenance Session is over.

EXHIBIT A:  MANTRAS

1. MORNING MANTRA
   “Today I desire submission;
   through humility, not humiliation,
   through service, not suffering, 
   through being present, not in pain
   through being useful, not used,  
   through discipline, not punishment, 
   through focusing on Mike’s desires, my only need and purpose.” 
2. EVENING MANTRA
   “Thank you Mike. 
   Thank you Mike for leading, as I follow you.
   Thank you Mike for working, as I serve you.
   Thank you Mike for providing, as I appreciate you.
   Thank you Mike for guiding, as I trust you.
   Thank you Mike for deciding, as I obey you.
   I look forward to tomorrow when we get to do it all again.

If you like reading about Domestic Discipline contracts, you can check our 2015 version HERE!

NEXT:  Post 175.  Bundle of Nerves

171. Submissive to Mike or Mike’s Submissive?

Growing in my Submission

This will wrap up the discussions Mike and I have had regarding renegotiating our Contract. I am sure some of you are like, “Good, now give us a spanking story!”  Patience, as I do have one for you, but it will have to wait.  As a teaser, let me just say I wish I hadn’t wished for more breast punishments (Post 166. My favorite kinks).

HARD LIMITS
Our current Contract has none.  At the time I felt it would suffice to simply rely on my safe words.  That has worked just fine, but, both Mike and I recognize that as we have ventured into some more challenging waters (Post 139. A very Adults-only Party), it wouldn’t  hurt to have something listed as a hard limit.

I wrote before about considering adding pee related activities as a hard limit.  After talking with Mike, I initially requested we just leave things as they were – no defined hard limits.  I would just continue to use my safe words.  Mike objected, and specifically said he wants me to make a decision regarding pee being in or out.  So, we are adding a Hard Limit list to our Contract.  Those limits are Blood, Branding, Breath Play, Face Slapping, and Scat.   

Yep, I left pee off the list.  I did say that my tolerance would be low, but I would reserve my safe word for any time I just could not handle the taste.  As I shared before, it typically ranges from almost no taste to just a bit odd.  But occasionally it ranges between rancid and putrid.  As Mike knows I dislike it, I thought I would give him something to go to when he really wanted to make a point.  Who knows, I may acquire a taste for it.  Ug!

CONDENSE DISCIPLINARY ACTIONS
The Contract currently provides specific actions for Mike regarding “Common, Escalated, and Intense Rewards.”  It prescribes the number and intensity of both warm ups and the spankings.  We are deleting those sections and references.  This is more of a formality.  In practice such specifics have been at Mike’s discretion for some time.  Also, we are renaming “Rewards” to “Discipline.

This renaming of the punishments seems minor, but is noteworthy.  Word choice is extremely important (Post 24. My approach…).  Words mean and evoke different things in different people.  You want words that both parties can connect with in the same way, else any particular word might actually mean two different things.  At the time of our last contract, Mike didn’t like the word “punishment” as he felt it had demeaning connotations.  For him it was an obstacle that made it more difficult for him to feel good about punishing me.

He wanted to call them “consequences.”  I was fine with that but then had the idea to call them “Rewards.”  Reason being they were actions that helped me reach my goals.  Mike really liked this.  Knowing I looked at them as a Reward, he was immediately more comfortable in disciplining me.  We are both past the need to call them this and “Discipline” is a word we both are comfortable with.

By the way, as we reviewed the contract he read aloud this section twice.. “It is Jennifer’s intent that the Rewards remain significant enough as to cause an appropriate level of discomfort for her such that she will wish to avoid such a Reward in the future.”

Mike nodded his head as if to soak in the words and then said, “It is time to ramp up the intensity of your discipline.”  He went on to say he senses some of my punishments have lost some of their effect as a deterrent.  He doesn’t want me to fear discipline, but he wants to make sure I respect it as a deterrent.  He also plans to ramp up his lecturing, talking more about the impact my behavior has on him and not just on my inability to meet my own duties and obligations.   I reassured him I felt his discipline has been an appropriate deterrent; however, I respected that he thinks otherwise and would accept his assessment.

We finished up with all that I covered over this and the last several posts, and made a few other minor tweaks here and there.  Mike asked me, “How do you feel about what we discussed?”

I told him I felt great and felt a lot of satisfaction in that we formalized and added to what will become our next chapter in our evolving dynamic.  And lastly, I was excited about implementing the new additions.   I told him I felt proud in this one, clear, revelation I had about this process.  Our last contract was about me being submissive to Mike.  This one is more about me being Mike’s submissive.

I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Next:  172. A Bit Too Intense:  Punishment Fail

 

 

167. What is “Mine” versus What is “For Me.”

PREAMBLE
Mike and I began our Contract renegotiation.  Our first agreement on March 17, 2015, was good for 30 days – we were uncertain about what we were doing.  We made changes and with more confidence, we made the next one good for six months.   By that October we learned a lot and were ready to commit for a longer period of time.  Thus our third Contract is set to end October 17, 2017.

We know such contracts are not legal documents.  But they demonstrate and codify our commitments to each other.  Putting one together requires wonderful dialogue, reflection, and sharing.  It’s a wonderful process that brings us even closer together.

All rules are suspended during the renegotiation session (you can read more about how we do this in the Contract).  This allows me to speak freely and debate, if needed, any particular points without concern of punishments.  The renegotiation will likely occur over several sessions, depending on the amount of time we have and how quickly we progress.  This post is about our first session. 

COMMENCE NEGOTIATIONS
Mike wanted the first meeting to serve as an exchange of some general ideas.  Basically a “get everything on the table” regarding broad topics that we had in mind.  We could then have time to think about it and be better prepared to talk about them in more detail at our next meeting. 

OCTOBER 2015 VS OCTOBER 2017
Before we discussed changes, Mike asked me what I felt were the biggest differences between where we were two years ago and where we are today.    

I shared with Mike that I recognize it was necessary to start where we started, else we would never be where we are today.  Our current agreement was critical in my development towards the person (wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend, etc) I wanted to be.  Our current agreement was the right one at the right time – However, it is abundantly clear to me that it is time to replace Domestic Discipline that is MINE with Domestic Discipline that is FOR ME.

This is a huge change in my thinking.  I recognize that Pre-DD Jenny, or even Early-DD Jenny, would actually throw up a bit in her mouth over what I say or do today.   In my blog or in conversations with those aware of my dynamic, I easily say things like “I obey Mike” or “I was disobedient” or, “Mike leads me.”  In the past I shunned such vocabulary. Remember, I was raised to value being a strong, independent, and empowered woman in the most feminist meaning of those words (See Post 120 for my views on being a feminist).

When I started my search for ways to improve my life, I discovered more than Domestic Discipline.  I found the submissive within.  I am still surprised that it was in me, and can not deny the wonderful feelings I get from letting Mike lead.  Everything about my life is fuller, more robust, more rewarding, more fulfilling.

While I seek to have the specific rules and consequences of “My” DD to be no longer “mine,” they are most definitely still “for me,” as determined by Mike.

I know he holds my very best interests in his heart.  Any of his lines in the sand are never arbitrary or for his own selfish gain or amusement. It is not a power game with him.  While I want him to have satisfaction in his Dominance, I know that he does not first seek to gain anything for himself through his decisions.  It is for MY  benefit that he does these things.  It is for MY own good that he limits or encourages certain behaviors or says no or yes to certain desires of mine. 

I told him that I may not like his rules for me as much as I liked “my” rules for me;  however, unlike two years ago, I gain more satisfaction from knowing I am his.  I no longer want him to simply execute to “My DD.”  I want him to determine the DD that is right for me.   And THAT is the difference between where I was in October 2015 versus where I am in October 2017.

Mike was very pleased and touched by my answer.  The changes he has in mind are intended to better codify things.  Intended to represent where we are today and add more structure around my current commitments, duties, and obligations.  We had a dialogue about what those changes could entail and I came to understand that “structure equates to rules.”  Okay by me.

Mike frequently asked me my thoughts or suggestions.  I explained I didn’t want to overly influence what he wanted for me.  I prefer his own rules and expectations of what he sees as best for me.  Although our rules are suspended during the negotiations, I was still aware that when he asks my opinion, Mike does not like me to respond with a “Whatever you say.” Such a response is normally a punishable offense as it is dismissive of his request to hear my opinion.   So I was clear to explain that instead of me proposing suggestions, I would rather he propose what is on his mind and let me accept, modify, or reject it.  I am confident he now knows what is best regarding my duties and obligations. 

Wow – what a change from two years ago, as evidenced by Post 4. The Plan.  Mike provided a few general ideas as to what he was thinking:

50’s HOUSEWIFE?
Mike said, “Think the stereotypical 50’s housewife.”   Humm, okay, in a lot of ways I am already that regarding the household duties, ironing, stuff like that.  He didn’t reveal anything more specific to me other than to say again that it was about adding “structure” (rules) around much of what I do today.  Sounds good to me, but I had some reservations.

Too much structure and too many rules sounded a bit like the old me.  It reminded me of the problems that can arise with too many “intentions.”  (Post 30. I Found my Thrill).  Mike explained it in the context that he feels more structure could be helpful.  I often start my day with too many household plans that I can’t possibly complete or leave little wiggle room for the unexpected happenings of daily life.  He thinks that, if approached correctly, a more set routine could actually create more free time for me.   He said it isn’t about packing my day with countless chores, but reasonably scheduling them so that I don’t feel compelled to do anything other than what is on the list that day.    

Okay, sounds promising.

REWARDS
Mike talked about when we wrote the last Contract it was important to me that we referred to any discipline as “Rewards.”  He noted that I am now comfortable in referring to discipline as “punishments.”  I typically call them that when I blog and in conversation with Mike, Kayla, John, or Donna.  There was a time I never did that.  Mike was curious if I wanted to change the terminology for the new contract.

This reminded me of something I shared in my early posts about my approach to the Contract — Words are Power.   It is very important to choose the right words to convey what it is you intend something to be and even take the time to define what you mean by certain words.  We talked about it and it was very curious to me that now, two years later, Mike was more hung up than I was regarding the right term to use for my spankings and other punishments.  I told him I now longer felt it needed to be called a “Reward.”  While not final, I think we both agreed that for the new contract, the term “discipline” will suffice.  It’s called Domestic Discipline for a reason. 

SUBMISSION OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
Mike was admittedly vague, but said he wants to look at how I can be more submissive outside the house. He said it could be calling him Sir in front of everyone, anytime, or “holding myself” a certain way regarding dress or posture.  Basically being more transparent to the general public regarding my submissiveness.  Nothing crazy over the top – subtle things that was more about me maintaining a submissive mindset versus “flaunting” my submissiveness.  He wasn’t sure what it could actually mean in terms of rules of behavior, but something about the concept intrigues him.   We threw around a few ideas and agreed to both think more about it.  This one was unexpected but sounds interesting.  We shall see.  

HARD LIMITS
I did bring up one item myself.  I want to look at the hard limits more closely.  As we have pursued more D/s activities than we initially anticipated, I want to make sure my limits are clearly understood.  We didn’t talk specifics as the purpose of this first meeting was just to air the general topics, but Mike was supportive and reinforced I have full discretion on this matter. 

OVERALL
It is clear Mike is looking to add more rules around my daily activities, complete with discipline for failure to adhere.  I have some concerns that we codify this the right way so as not to run myself ragged and lose our great momentum regarding what we have achieved towards a happy, loving, nurturing, fulfilling, and purposeful household.

As I said before, all of this is enough to make Pre-DD Jenny throw up a bit.  But the today-Jenny was energized by this meeting.  I am excited to see some of the specific things Mike wants for me.   There is still enough of the Pre-DD Jenny in me that makes me feel compelled to explain my acceptance of this misogyny.  I still feel I am overall a feminist, as I defined in Post 120.  I believe every girl should be able to pursue their passion in life, whether it is to be a painter or the President, or be a Dom, a sub, or equals in their household.  It should never be about gender or societal expectations.  Their life should be about what is true for them.  Today, MY truth is in being a submissive wife.     

NEXT 168. New Domestic Discipline Rules