Tag Archives: girlfriend

278. Spanksome before you threesome

278

Things are in such a good groove!  School year has started off well for J, as well as for Kayla.   We are in a nice routine in all aspects of the household, including the DD.  Yes, an occasional punishment here and there for me, but nothing transformative or worth writing about.   Except perhaps to mention that twice I’ve had to wear clothes during the day to cover marks.   

Right after Immersion I still had some noticeable marks on my butt and thighs, so I only went topless around the house.  J didn’t even ask as he knows we dress (or don’t dress) based on whatever we feel like that day (Reality — any given day Kayla and/or me might need a day or two for marks to fade).    However, J questioned me when I went without bottoms but kept a shirt on.   Yeah, I got a breast punishment recently that left a bruise or two.  It fully faded in a few days.  My answer was that my back was bothering me and I wanted to wear a bra for extra support.   Oh the lies we must tell!

REMEMBER VALERIE?
Without anything noteworthy to report in my DD, I thought I’d talk about someone else’s.   Back in Post 267 I shared that my friend, Valerie, came to me for some “martial advice” of sorts, namely, a “how to” on introducing some elements of DD in her marriage.

Before I get into an update on her….

I re-read Post 267 and saw that it connected a lot of dots with my prior post.  In the post about Valerie I even used the word “suffering” to describe her – she has been “suffering her emotions” for 20-ish years because of society/family/religious influences told her that suffering was righteous and fulling.  That’s just total b.s. and is exactly what those in power want us all to believe.   Anyway, as I shared in the post about her, she had this drive to be “free to be me” as she put it.  She had this burning desire to take all of who she was and present that to her husband, and in return, she wanted all of who he is.  In other words, be 100% vulnerable to each other.  (There, I met my DD Jenny requirement of bringing up vulnerability on every post – hee hee).

I ended that post without insight into how things went when she finally opened up with her husband.  I thought I’d share some insights now that I have them. 

JENNY, DD ESQUIRE 
I helped her in creating a contract of sorts for them.  It wasn’t as formal as mine, but spelled out her Duties and Obligations and gave her husband latitude in determining the punishments.  From everything she says, they are enjoying their journey and feel closer than ever – and they are having more sex than they’ve ever had!   Vulnerability can be very sexy!!    

This led them to also open up with each other about their sexual history and fantasies.  Valerie shared with him that she had sex with women before they were married – and it was more than just a one-time thing.   Her first experience was in high school, then another in college, and one just before they got married – but they were engaged at the time.  She was prepared for him to get upset.  He did not and, in stereotypical style, he thought, “You know, I’ve always wanted to try a threesome.”  

As a quick aside — While it may not be 100%, I bet the 80/20 rule applies here.  Anytime a woman shares with her male partner that she had sex with another woman, 80% of the time the male partner will ask for a threesome.  And the other 20% – well, they will definitely think it in their head!   Men!  hee-hee. 

SEEKING A THIRD?
I took it as a good sign that her husband verbalized this.  It shows a level of vulnerability and trust – or maybe just a level of, “finally, my chance to have a threesome!”   Well, whatever the motivation, he said it.  

I asked her what she thought about it.  She said she’s on board and the deal is Raul (her husband) could watch her and the other woman, and could have sex with her (Valerie), but not the other woman.  With those terms, she was all for it if they could find the right person. 

Valerie said she wasn’t asking me, “since I was married.”  Keep in mind she knows all about  Kayla’s relationship with me and Mike and know that we “swap” in a foursome.  I didn’t question her reasoning and figure she just didn’t want me to be the “third.”  However, she did want my ideas on who might be a good match.   Valerie is a very reserved person, even though she has obviously opened up to her husband, and shared a lot with me.  I could tell that she would be mortified at actually approaching anyone else with this idea.

We ruled out our lunch bunch gal pals because according to her criteria, they are all married.  And she also felt she didn’t want to include any closer friend as it would just be weird and she didn’t know if she could trust her friends to keep quiet as they don’t want this “getting out.”   

I don’t know Valerie and her husband, Raul, well enough to feel I could help play matchmaker with anyone else I know that they don’t know.  I knew right away that I might be the right person for them and I sensed she felt that way too.   I was not in a position to offer that without Mike’s approval.  So I tucked that idea away until talking with Mike. 

Mike said no, for now.  We need to get to know them better – so Raul and Valerie were invited to our first “football day”  last Sunday.  John and Donna agreed we would tone it down as the purpose was just to get to know them better.  There wasn’t any nudity or sex or kink of any kind.  Yawn!!  LOL.   It was just a sort of meet-and-greet.  Even though the only consideration is whether to offer me as a “third” for them, in a lot of ways they would be part of our “Circle of Trust,” or at least partial-members, so certainly we all needed to know them better, especially Mike.

I didn’t tell Valerie that Mike was evaluating them or that I was considering offering myself as their third.   Doing so would be awkward if Mike eventually says no.  And if Valerie flat-out asks me at some point, I will just politely decline, figuring I could always come back later and say I reconsidered.    

NOT ME!
It’s too early to know for sure, but for now, it’s still a “No” from Mike.  We plan on hanging out more with Raul and Valerie, so we will see how it goes.  They are nice, but they do have a different vibe than our current Circle of Trust.   We sense that while clearly they have opened up to each other, they are still uncomfortable (afraid?) to admit it or demonstrate it in any way.   They still put on a very conservative, vanilla front.

Mike feels it’s one of two things.  One, they are unable to be honest in who they are, thus too risky for us to get involved with.  Or Two, they are not being honest with each other, and thus still too risky for us to get involved with.   Not that he expects them to shout their kink from the rooftops, but, they come across as still coming to terms with their own kinks.   That’s just not a good environment to drop a “third” into.

And during our meet and greet another idea came to me.   It just might be that Donna would be a good candidate as their third.  It’s not really Donna’s thing, and I suspect John would have to be there which may be a no-no to Raul and Valerie.  But Donna seemed to hit it off pretty well with Raul and Valerie.  So who knows what’s to come?!

Going back to my prior post, they need to get  to the point they understand their emotions and actions, rather than hate, ridicule, or ignore them.  And they just don’t seem to be there yet, not that they can’t get there.   Simply put, they need to gain more confidence in their newfound DD.

They need to walk before they run.  Or is it, look before they leap?  No wait, I got it, it’s spanksome before they threesome!  

ha ha ha ha 

Next: 279. And baby makes three

253. What to title this one?

253

Uh, I cover a couple of different things in this post and struggled with a title.  What do you think of my solution?

I wrote in my last post about Matt inviting me to go to the coast with him.   When the idea first came up and Mike said he wanted me to go, I was very quick with a “Yes, Sir.”  It was more out of habit than out of a desire to go.  When I gave it some thought, I realized I would rather be at T1’s for the weekend than with Matt.  (Per my last post, we spent almost every weekend in May helping out at T1’s new house).  I like Matt, but I enjoy my family more, and have really enjoyed the time with T1, E, and her cousin’s family.

MIKE WANTS ME TO GO
I was going to ask Matt to reschedule our trip, but, before I could do that Mike said something that made me reconsider.  Mike mentioned how he thought it would be good for me to have that extended time with Matt and that it would be good for Kayla to have some time around family without me there.

“Without me there!” I imagine that sounds harsh.  It isn’t in the context from which I knew he was speaking.  Although we are no longer hiding our relationship with Kayla, it is easy for her to be made to feel like a “third wheel” or somehow in a “second class” relationship to what Mike and I have.

Don’t get me wrong – Mike and I have been married 26 years and what Kayla has with him and with me is nothing compared to our marriage.  No matter what any of us do, nothing will change the fact that the relationship Mike and I have trumps any relationship any of us have with anyone else.  (ug, you know, I don’t think I can ever use the word “trump” again.  It no longer connotes “rank above” and simply connotes “rank” – as in the slang meaning of something horrible, disgusting, and sick).  I digress.

My point is the unbreakable and enduring relationship Mike and I have doesn’t need to be rubbed in Kayla’s face.  And she deserves the opportunity to explore facets of her relationship with Mike in ways that don’t always involve me.  Mike and I have often talked about this and is why we have designated date nights with him and that Kayla sometimes goes with him on business trips.  And at least once a month Kayla and I go out on an official “date.”  We both love Kayla and want her to feel wanted, appreciated, and loved.

It is in THAT context that I fully understood what Mike was saying.  Thus, I decided that my desires to be at T1’s were less important than my desire to give that experience to Kayla.  Kayla deserves the opportunity to experience Mike’s attention and affection around family without me there and when else might that opportunity come?

It made me feel good knowing that I was not only going with Matt because it was what Mike wished (and doing as he wishes always tickles my special spot), but I was also doing it for Kayla, who I love and care about.  On top of all of that, I enjoy my time with Matt and a weekend at the coast with no kids or worries?  Well, duh!   Sign me up!

MY WEEKEND WITH MATT
It was fun.  My mind drifted at times back to Mike and the family, but I took advantage of my time away.  I got a massage, got some sun, and of course, Matt and I had lots of sex.

The more time I spend with Matt the more I have realized something.  I wish he was more different from Mike.  In some ways he has the same easy-going personality.  They share a similar demeanor.  I mean, if I am going to explore outside my marriage, I kind of wish I was exploring vastly different terrain.  Not to say they are totally alike – but still. 

I enjoy my time with Matt but I wouldn’t say I love him.  Fond of him, yes.  But love?  No.  And we have talked about this.  We joke that in some ways were are glorified fuck-buddies (Mike allowed me to include that since that is indeed factual – we do joke about that).  It is more than just sex, but perhaps not by much!  Ha.   Anyway, as long as Matt and I are on the same page about it, and Mike as well, then it is all good.  

DAD, IS KAYLA YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
So how did that weekend without me go at T1’s?   It went great.   Mike was outwardly affection with Kayla…holding hands, quick little pecks on the lips, and of course the sleeping arrangement included them sleeping together.  It prompted J to ask, “Dad, is Kayla your girlfriend?”

While we haven’t been hiding things from J, we never blatantly told him anything like we did with T1, T2, and others.  We felt simply letting things “be” and allowing his awareness to evolve was a better approach then sitting him down and telling him about it.  Telling him something is always like a line in the sand for him.  Had we just told him, it would be like, “before we talked, Kayla was just Kayla, but as of this moment, it has changed, and she is now our girlfriend.”  

It would have been jarring for him.  His mind would have tried to fill in any uncertainty about what “girlfriend” meant.  This lack of sureness would have been very anxiety inducing (I’ve written about his special needs).   Thus, it was simply better for him to witness and experience what it means for us to love Kayla before actually putting a label on it.  Applying a label to something he already knows and has experienced is a clarifying event, versus the anxiety inducing event of hearing the label and being left to wonder what that label really means.

So what did Mike say?  Mike told him, “Yes, she is mom and dad’s girlfriend.  We both love her very much.”  To that, J just said, “Okay, I thought so.”  And that was it.  And believe me, if J had any unresolved emotions he would make it abundantly clear.  And while he doesn’t always clearly verbalize his emotions,  what he can’t verbalize will manifest itself in a variety of neurotic ways.  And Mike said he was not only fine in his response, but remained calm and happy the entire weekend.

An interesting aside is that J didn’t question my love for Kayla – he wasn’t thrown by Kayla being my girlfriend too.  However, he probably didn’t fully connect the dots about what that means about my sexuality.  We aren’t going to connect them until he presents them for connection.  I suspect that realization will come soon enough, but again, it will be in the context of what he has witnessed and experienced regarding a warm, loving, and fun relationship and not just some label.  

Of course, some of J’s happiness may be in that J is in love for the first time — with E’s 11 year-old niece!   But that’s a whole other story and post!   And it is rated PG!  I felt compelled to state that right away.  The thought of letting the imagination run wild for some of you kinky f’s is just not acceptable when my child is concerned!   

Of course, when it comes to anything about me, or Mike and I, well, feel free to imagine away!

Next:  254. Dating: Teens/pre-teen? Nudism? Disability? ???

231. Some Fun, an Ending, the Future.

Kayla and Michaud broke up.  More on that in a bit.  That build-up and ultimate break up led to a lot of conversation between Mike, Kayla, and I about her relationship with us. I thought I’d provide you a peek into that discussion.  But before I do, here’s some other Kayla-related news and some details on the break up.

SOME FUN – MIKE AND KAYLA
Mike had a business trip last week and Kayla went with him.  It was in a nearby city so they drove — it was just far enough that it didn’t make sense to drive back and forth for two days.  They left Wednesday evening and while his business was wrapped up by Friday, they stayed an extra evening and drove back Saturday afternoon. 

It was nice to have the house to myself during the day.  I was hoping for more internet time but Mike gave me a few projects that took up a lot of my time.  When I did have some “me” time, I spent it relaxing — ahem, masturbating.  I do that anyway – but let’s just say it was some extended “me” time!

SELF-SPANKING MAINTENANCE
Mike was gone during our Thursday maintenance so we Skyped it.  Mike had me give myself a spanking — that’s new.  It was part comical and felt odd.  After some trail and error I found the perfect implement — it hurt way more than I thought!  Mike didn’t have any count in mind and I was able to stop once he felt my butt “looked” the right shade of pink to him. 

It’s weird but I actually felt a tinge of embarrassment.  That was extremely surprising to me because one, I don’t embarrass easily, and two, especially not when it comes to anything I do with Mike.   This feeling didn’t disappoint me – it excited me.  Feeling a little embarrassed made me feel very submissive.

Mike was very thoughtful in that he had Kayla go down to the pool during our Maintenance Session.  He knows I like our sessions to be intimate, in terms of no Kayla or other people to distract us.  A time to focus on us, our relationship, our dynamic.  I didn’t ask him to excuse Kayla, but I did thank him for doing so.

MY THOUGHTS ON MIKE AND KAYLA
I like Mike and Kayla having “couple” time of their own.  I mentioned before we alternate “date nights” with Mike each weekend.  I know it has to sound weird to a lot of you, but I enjoy sharing Mike with Kayla.  It fills me to see Mike having the capacity to love her in ways you would love a girlfriend, even a spouse.  I don’t see it subtracting from his love for me in any way.

It also fills me to see Kayla so happy with him.  I know there is quite an age difference (26 years!) but Kayla is so visibly in love with him.  I’ve written before about how Kayla has always been attracted to older people…whether it be friends or lovers.  Although granted, it has typically been 5-7 years older, not 26.   That’s why her relationship with Michaud was unique.  He is just two years older than Kayla.

Oh, and of course, as far as unique goes, there is the whole she-is-submissive-to-Mike, in-a-poly-relationship-with-us, and most recently Michaud-has-another-girlfriend.  Yeah, perhaps those things make it a little bit unique as well.  lol. 

AN ENDING – SPEAKING OF MICHAUD
They officially broke up!  I don’t take any gratification in the fact that I saw it coming.   Kayla simply realized that the more she was with him,  the more she wished she was back home with us –  or as she put it, “doing something with her family.”

I think he is a nice guy, and that “niceness” caused him to want to keep trying (he didn’t want to break up), but, per Kayla, it was wearing on him and it showed in his demeanor.  Kayla understands and doesn’t blame him, and she isn’t going to apologize for it as she feels she was 100% honest with him from the start.  He could have balked but clearly he was intrigued with her and that intrigue has worn off.  So, they parted – amicably.

THE FUTURE – KAYLA’S FUTURE
The end of her relationship with Michaud and her soon finishing up her first year of grad school has us thinking about our future.  I believe what has made our relationship work is that we spent a lot of talking about it at the beginning (wow, it’s been about 15 months).  We were all very comfortable and “calibrated” regarding our feelings and desires.  We were overdue for a “calibration” check.

The conversation basically started with, “What are we to each other?”  It is easy enough for Mike and I, as husband and wife.  Nothing has changed there. But what of Kayla to Mike and to me, and us to her?

I won’t go into detail on the many conversations – most with the three of us but some with just any combination of two of us — and the countless conversations with myself in my mind, ha!  The simplest summation is that they were filled with love.  Mike and I truly love Kayla, and she loves us.  She feels like we are her family and we feel she is a part of our family.   There just aren’t labels that exists that relate to her family status.

I took a daring step in asking this question. “If plural marriages were legal, would Mike and Kayla get married?”  We were all in agreement that the answer, at least for now, would be no.  Kayla has so much ahead of her and in many ways our age difference would preclude her from experiencing things she should experience, free from a formal  attachment to us.  Our attachment, our love… just doesn’t need such formality.

And of course, Kayla added, “And why just wonder about marrying Mike.  In this ‘what if,’ I could marry Jen too, couldn’t I?”  Certainly, in this ‘what if’ we can imagine anything.  Her point was, she loves both of us and we both love her.

KAYLA IS OUR GIRLFRIEND
And speaking of labels, Kayla is now referring to Mike as her boyfriend, and both Mike and I refer to Kayla as our girlfriend.  Mike is waiting for the day someone says, “Wait, I thought you said you were married.”   I am sure that is coming (we thought it would on this business trip as he had dinner planned with a business associate and Kayla was going to attend.  The associate had to cancel as they weren’t feeling well so Mike didn’t get the opportunity to try out the “girlfriend” intro.).

Kayla said she really loves the fact we are now open about our poly relationship.  At the time she didn’t think it really mattered to her.  She always understood and agreed with why it should be private.  But once we opened up, she was surprised by how much more valued it made her feel.  She said she never felt devalued before, but clearly, being open about it has meant something to her.   She just never expected it thus never gave it any thought, but clearly, it means a lot to her. 

FUTURE?
She said her family (us) means more to her than anything right now.  She is open to dating if the right person came along, man or woman, but can’t imagine a set of circumstances that would work for her.  She has another year before she has to seriously think about what’s next.  For her immediate future, she wants to focus on her submission and on us.  While she doesn’t regret dating Michaud, she feels it took “the edge” off her submissive mindset.  

As for a longer term future, one narrative in her mind is she finds a job in this town and continues to live with us.  We are all welcoming of this.  Another is she finds a job in another town and has to move away.   While this one comes with some sadness, we are also excited by it as well.  We feel it is important that she spread her wings and has time “adulting” on her own – this may be her last opportunity for that in her lifetime.  After that time, if it leads her back to us, great!  If it doesn’t, great as well. 

We all are in agreement that her path needs to be hers and packed with various life experiences that fulfill her not just today, but set her on a path of a lifetime of fulfillment. 

A POLY COMING OUT!!
Tomorrow T2 is home and we will be “coming out” regarding our dynamic as well as inviting him to meet E’s family.  Oh – and Kayla wants to tell her parents about us as well.  We have reservations but are supportive of her doing so.

NAKED PREVIEW
Also, I got to experience a bit of what meeting E’s family will be like.  Her cousin, cousin’s husband and three kids, visited her and we got to meet them.  Yes, they are naturists. More on that on another post.       

Next. 232. Our Final “Outing”  

225. Pansexual, a skinny dip, and my “first time.”

225

I’ve shared a couple of stories of my youth — Post 64. Strip Quarters and Post 73. Pube Shaving Party.  Since I’ve brought up naturism, in my last two posts, now seems like a good time to share one more story of my youth.  Before I do . . . 

NUDIST VS NATURIST
I learned from E, the preferred term is “naturist” not “nudist.”  To some, nudity connotes sex, whereas naturist connotes nature.  “Naturist” was coined about 125 years ago by those who partook in the nude lifestyle.  “Nudist” was a term created about 90 years ago by media.  Focusing on nudity gave it a more prurient connotation, at a minimum to sensationalize it, at worst to vilify it.  The words are often used interchangeably now, but E is sensitive to the differences in what they mean to her, so, I too will use the word naturist.   

Naturism can go deeper than simply rejecting clothes.  It can encompass how we embrace nature.  E said her parents have a minimalist lifestyle, concerned about keeping a “reasonably small carbon footprint.”  They don’t shun electricity or modern advancements – they own a car and have all the modern conveniences.  They keep their possessions to a minimum and focus on conservation and recycling.   

We haven’t met them yet as they live in another state.  It is possible we may meet them at the naturist resort we are looking into.  It will be an interesting introduction for us, to say the least.

YOUNG JENNY GOES SKINNY DIPPING
In my prior post I shared my fondness of being naked.  That fondness plays a role in my first orgasmic sexual experience (not counting masturbation).  I think I mentioned before, but if not, I had sex with a girl before I had sex with a boy.  By the time I had sex with a boy I was a very experienced virgin – but that will have to be another story.

The sex would have happened without the skinny dipping, but I wanted to share the full story to illustrate my penchant for baring it all, even when I was younger.  

It was the summer between 8th and 9th grade.  I was 13, Amy was 14.  She is just two weeks shy of being a full year older than me.  With my birthday being just before the cut off to start school, and her age is just after the cut off, we were in the same grade despite an almost one year age difference.  I was often the youngest in my class, she the oldest.  Not a big deal, but it can be at that age, especially when it comes to physical maturity.  Adding to her 11 month head start, she was an early bloomer, I was a late one.  Yeah, she had boobies way before me.   

Amy’s parents had a really nice house with a large pool in their backyard.  The backyard was secluded, at the top of a steep hill with no houses behind it.  The two houses on either side were offset such that they didn’t have much of a view of the pool, and any potential view was obscured by many trees.  They had a gravel driveway, which, while out of view, was actually close to the pool and made enough noise that you could always hear any car driving up.  The perfect storm for clandestine teenage activities. 

We had seen each other naked countless times throughout childhood.  Amy was well aware of, and subject to, my proclivity to be in the buff.  I would often swim naked when her parents and brother weren’t home and even stay naked after the swim.  For years she refused to doff her swimsuit.  One day she finally relented.

From then on it became routine for us to swim naked if her parents were at work and her older brother wasn’t home.  It was comical because each time we heard a noise she would scurry to put her suit on.  Well, it wasn’t long until her brother caught us.  He was with a friend who parked at the curb and walked up to the house, thus we didn’t hear them.

He was 18 and had just graduated high school.  He was a “man” in my mind, plus was Amy’s dorky older brother.  No one was interested or thinking anything about sex (at least I wasn’t and I don’t think he was).  I wasn’t embarrassed, but Amy surely was and was yelling, “Don’t tell mom and dad, don’t tell mom and dad!” I calmly walked over, naked as can be, and talked to him and his friend.  I bargained with him not to tell.

He said no to my offer for him and his friend to simply join us in our “clothing optional” swim (much to the chagrin of his friend).  But, it didn’t take any convincing to get him to accept the offer of feeling free to watch me that day or any other day.  That, plus, he had to agree to not tell anyone else or invite any other of his friends over.

I was happy because it meant more opportunities to be naked as we didn’t have to worry about her brother being home.  By the way, in retrospect the thought of this horrifies me.  I put myself in a very vulnerable situation being naked in front of two 18-19 year old guys.  Even though I had every reason to trust Amy’s brother, I didn’t even know his friend.  In hindsight I was foolish and very fortunate that they both ended up being deserving of that trust.

At first Amy decided swimming naked in front of her brother was too much for her, so she kept her suit on.  Once again, eventually she said, “What the hell,” and went naked.  At first we got a lot of attention, her brother and/or his friend  would hang out by the pool and watch.  But eventually they tired of it other than an occasional peek out the window.  

MY FIRST “REAL” SEXUAL EXPERIENCE
If you’re keeping score, both Amy and I had boyfriends in 8th grade that we allowed to feel us up.  She had even let her boyfriend suck on her breasts — I was the prude who hadn’t gone that far.  Ha!   Beyond that, there was some rubbing of privates over the pants, but neither of us had “touched dick” nor been fingered (other than by our self via masturbation).  And we had both experienced orgasms, but again, only through masturbation.  Okay, back to the story. . .

After one of our swims, Amy and I were in her bathroom drying our hair.  We had bottoms on but no tops.  We were talking about things we often talked about – such as boys!  The conversation turned to another common topic of ours – our breasts.  More precisely, her abundance and my lack of.  This was a normal conversation for us to have.  It was not sexual.  We always openly talked with each other about our bodies, even about masturbation.

At some point I asked her if I could feel her boobs.  I was just curious.  I had actually done this once before, about a year or two earlier, but they were much bigger now.  She said yes, so away I went.  Unlike before, this time I really went!  She stood in front of me as I played with one, then the other, then both at the same time.  Squeezing, poking, prodding, and pressing and pulling her nipples between my fingers. 

I don’t know how long I did it for, but it surpassed the length of time to qualify as platonic.   While my eyes were focused on her breasts, I became aware of her breathing as her chest would slowly expand and contract, and the sounds of inhaling and exhaling grew louder.  I finally looked up at her.  Her eyes were closed, lips were pursed.  I clearly excited something inside her.  

I smiled.  Even though it was not my intent, I knew she was feeling something sexual.  I kept playing with her breasts until her eyes opened.  When she saw me looking into her eyes she quickly got embarrassed and said, “Okay, enough of playing with my boobs, let’s get dressed.”  I could tell she was uncomfortable so I didn’t say anything about it.  That was that.

The next day we were hanging out in her room and Amy says, “Hey, it’s not fair you got to feel me up.  I want to feel you up now.”   I took it as her just teasing me and said, “I did NOT feel you up, I was just curious to know what they felt like.”  She continued teasing and said “yes you did, yes you did.”  I finally said “Fine, then if it will shut you up, then go ahead, feel me too.”  She did.

She also felt and felt and felt.  Needless to say, she also excited something in me.  I started to feel her up too.  We played with each other’s breasts for quite a while.  I actually don’t remember who went first, but at some point we began sucking on each others breasts.  And that was that.

That night I remember masturbating to thoughts of Amy.  The first time I ever had such thoughts.  I didn’t feel bad for thinking this way.  It was the early 80’s, I didn’t know anyone who was gay or bisexual, or even really know much about the terms.  I didn’t even connect my feelings with any of those terms.  It wasn’t about feeling “that way” about girls.  It was simply feeling that way about my friend Amy. 

The next day, at Amy’s, we stayed in her room the entire time.  We got naked, kissed for the first time, fondled, and fingered until each of us had an orgasm.  This was the first time that, other than through masturbation, we had been brought to climax.  We went on to frequently have sex, eventually advancing to oral sex as well.  And that was that.

PANSEXUAL
Amy and I continued having sex throughout high school and college.   All along it was important to me to make the distinction in my mind that I wasn’t attracted to girls, I was just attracted to Amy.

Only recently has it dawned on me that such a distinction is stupid.  Why did I feel it was so important to make this distinction?  I mean, I didn’t like every guy I saw, but I never felt compelled to make the distinction that any attraction to a guy was about the person versus the gender.  That was just too obvious!  So why then was it so important for me to make that distinction about Amy?

I think that it is simply due to the negative baggage society puts on us when we are attracted to the same sex.  As if you are attracted to one person of the same sex you must be a sexual deviant that wants to have sex with every person of the same sex  – thus, my distinction was important to me.  This is, of course, just societal bull shit.  

As I eventually came to understand, my sexual attractions, men or women, are based on the person, not the gender.  And it is fortunate we now have a name for this – pansexual.  No negative connotations, no negative societal bull shit baggage.  We didn’t have that term back in the early 80’s.  Pansexual!   That’s me!

Next: Post 226. Kink Research

224. It’s all good: Behavior, Life, Love, Openness, Nudity

224

I feel so alive right now and in such a good groove on so many levels.

BEHAVIOR IS GOOD
I haven’t been disciplined in just over two weeks now.  I didn’t even get a chance to share my last spanking, so here it is in brevity.

I told someone I email back and forth with the city in which I live.  That is a no-no, and a big one.  Mike is very tired of me pushing the limits of our privacy rules.  The spanking was significant, even more than the New Years Eve one, and include the very real threat of losing my blog if I ever again disclose things like that without his permission.  Mike has shown he does not make idle threats.   He means it.

I was going to have a post all about it but it’s been so long I no longer feel compelled to share.  Suffice to say I was feeling pretty down about it.   I feel bad for pushing Mike to the point he had to make such a “nuclear” threat.  Compounding my feelings was that it was all part of about 4-6 weeks of some major “submission” fails in my book.

It caused me to focus more intently on adhering to my commitments and it paid off – like I said, I am now just over two weeks since my last disciplining.  As much as I prefer not being disciplined, two weeks discipline-free makes me all the more thankful for our maintenance sessions!  They have been welcomed and critical to helping me stay in a submissive mindset.  

LIFE IS GOOD!
Things are great on the D/s front, I am enjoying my volunteer work, J is doing great health and behavior-wise, T2 will be graduating college in May and has two job offers he is considering (leaning towards taking one in San Diego), and T1’s upcoming nuptials fill the air with excitement.  Kayla is wrapping up her first year of grad school (excellent grades), and seems to be in a good grove with her boyfriend, Michaud.  

LOVE IS GOOD!
Mike’s work is going well, and our relationship has never been stronger.  Mike and Kayla have also become exceptionally close and it warms my heart to witness it.  And my relationship with Kayla is strong as well.

We are human, so occasionally there are petty things that come up, but we hit them head on and talk about them whenever they arise – never let them fester.  Typically it deals with differences in how Mike treats us.  We all understand we have differences in our relationships with each other, in our needs as individuals, and in what Kayla and I thrive in as submissives.  But still, there are times we need to remind ourselves to appreciate these differences and not let them interfere in our happiness. 

Thankfully, such interference is few and far between.  I only mention it so as not to paint an inaccurate picture of constant bliss.  We are human, thus subject to the frailty of human emotions.   And a poly relationship with a married couple can exploit those frailties for everyone involved.   Thus communication and love is so extra important.    Love conquers all!

OPENNESS IS GOOD
Adding to all of that, it feels wonderful to be more open with who we are.  I know this seems contrary to Mike’s fervor over online privacy.   He draws a distinction between not hiding in the real world and being “out there” online.  He was feeling it was unfair to Kayla for us to have to hide things, as if we were embarrassed by it, which we were not.  And he felt i
t would be unfair for our kids to learn of it some other way.  And as for D/s, he wasn’t  enthusiastic with sharing, but he recognized it was also too difficult to keep hidden from those that frequently interact with us. 

He also knows my proclivity to push any flexibility he showsif I had my way, I’d be on YouTube singing the praises of my lifestyle choices.  Thus he has drawn a line with what I can and can’t share online and expects me to adhere to it.  And in “real world,” he still does not want us talking about it for no reason or without his permission – and when we do, give the least amount of information as needed.

Oh, one major “openness” breakthrough with Mike has to do with Kayla.  At times when she has to be introduced, we’ve given the awkward, “She is a family friend who is staying with us until she finishes school.”  (Post 112).  This description always made us feel bad, as if we were discounting what Kayla means to us.  Now, if asked or if simply introducing her, she will be “my girlfriend, Kayla.”   Easy enough for me to get away with without people thinking anything of it, as the term has platonic connotations when I say it.  But Mike will also be saying this.  It will certainly raise some eyebrows.  I am excited for Kayla as I know it makes her feel very good – very valued – that we are willing to do this.

NUDITY IS GOOD
E’s revelation excites me.  I’ve shared a little bit about my upbringing in so far as some of the values championed by my mother than were instilled in me.  Here’s a tidbit I haven’t shared before that is both curious and humorous.  I was a child nudist!  

My parents told me my penchant for wearing my birthday suit began as soon as I was able to take my own clothes off – and even before I was potty trained.  Once i figured out I could pull a diaper off, off they came.  Suffice to say my parents had extra incentive to quickly get me potty trained. 

My mom said I would complain that clothing was “heavy and itchy.”  I think I had some overactive tactile response to clothing.  She would try to get me light and loose-fitting materials, but no avail.  By around age 5 we seemed to have negotiated an arrangement where I was always naked at home, but understood I needed to wear clothes when certain people came over or we went out.  My parents were very accommodating, never making me feel bad for wanting to be clothes free.  Their “everyone else has clothes on” seemed to convince me that I should too without feeling bad for preferring to be naked.

At the start of first grade (just turned 6) I got the “you’re a big girl now, going to school, yadda yadda. . . thus you need to start wearing clothes.”  I remember not understanding why it was a big deal to be naked at home.  I vividly remember my mom asking me at what age I think I should stop being naked around the house.  I told her, “when I have boobies because that’s what bothers people.”  I once thought this innocent answer was cute, but grew to take it as a sad commentary that still applies to society’s views on nudity.  I digress.

Growing up there wasn’t a lot of nudity (other than me) in the house, but there also wasn’t any shame in it.  If I happened to wander in at an inopportune moment, neither my parents or siblings cared – and any questions were met with age appropriate answers – much like how Mike and I run our household.  

On my seventh birthday, I boldly announced my decision to start wearing clothes around the house.  I remember it made me feel grown up to proclaim this, even though I still wanted to be naked.  At that point I confined my nudity mostly to my room.  My routine was after a bath I would dry off and stay naked as I made my way to my room and I slept in the nude.  It stayed that way all the way until college.  From there I got in the habit of wearing pajamas and pretty much retained that habit until embracing D/s.  

Today, being naked around the house has rekindled the “naturist” within me.  I loved it last year when Mike, Kayla, and I were nude on our Immersion get-away.   And now with E, I’ve found a kindred spirit in the desire to be clothes-free.  Fortunately, Mike is supportive.  We are eagerly planning a getaway this summer.

A question remains whether we will bring J with us.  We might go during the two weeks of the summer he spends at my parents.  But we also might just take him.  The nudity isn’t a concern for us, it is the accommodations.  With his disability there is a lot we have to consider, from accessibility, dietary needs, and entertainment.  If we can find the right place, we may take him, otherwise, we won’t.

Oh, this reminds me of a skinny dipping story of my youth!  Perhaps on my next post!

Post 225. Pansexual (and a skinny dip story)

190. Web Cam Virgin

190

I wouldn’t blame Kayla for saying “Enough already!”  But, she loves talking about it as much as we do.  Yes, Kayla, Mike,and I talk a lot about her budding relationship with Michaud.

WHAT IF?
While it seems Michaud is good with a “let’s deal with it when it happens” mindset, Kayla wants to be prepared.  She appreciates our help talking through how she might handle the potential pitfalls.  We’ve probably gone through a hundred “What if’s…?”   Not that playing “what if” is perfect. It’s hard to really know what you feel when something is abstract and you’re thinking, “that will never happen.”  But it is still a nice bonding experience because you can talk about difficult scenarios while in a calm and loving state of mind.  Of course, when it’s “real” you have to deal with judgement that may be blurred or influenced by high emotions.  While imperfect conjecture, we found it helping talking through “what if’s?” 

We’ve only experienced Michaud through Kayla’s eyes.  We haven’t met him, but thus far he sounds like a good fit for her.  We have purposely avoided meeting him right now.  We think it is best to let Kayla and Michaud create the foundation of their relationship on their own. Mike and I are going to be a big enough presence anyway, so we are sensitive to trying to give them their own space to carve out.  We figure making him meet us or having him hang out with us would just make it harder for their relationship to solidify.

Kayla said he is laid back, easy-going, non-judgmental, with a dry and somewhat sarcastic sense of humor.  He doesn’t seem to sweat the small stuff.  She describes him as having beautiful dreamy eyes, thick eyelashes that say “come to me” when he blinks. We’ve seen pictures and he is good looking.

CAM PLAN
I asked Kayla about the logistics of cam’ing.  (Mike gave permission for her to have cam sex with Michaud, Post 188. The Cock Block…).  I get the getting naked and playing with yourself, but, how do you start?  Kayla said she never done it.  She’s done some nude pics before, and showed her breasts on face time, but never did video sex with anyone. She’s a cam-virgin!  She said she would probably just say, “So, wanna see me naked?”  She will do a strip tease for him, and once naked, ask him to undress.  From there, yeah, just show off the bod and masturbate for each other.”  Of course, I don’t know why I was over thinking it. 

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION
Mike and I could hear her in her room while she cam’d with Michaud.  We were tempted to peak but we resisted.  He could hear muffled sounds of their voices when they talked, and could clearly discern the sound of her orgasm.  Eventually they said goodbye and signed off. 

Kayla came to our room and Mike and I were in bed, but awake.  We asked her how it went and she said, “Great.”  My response was, “And?”  To which she replied, “And I enjoyed it.”  Again I questioned, “And?”   She gave another coy response of “And I think he enjoyed it too?”

Then she burst out giggling like a school girl and said, “and he has a nice cock!”  “And he is uncircumcised.”  Kayla had never seen an uncircumcised penis, at least not live (or in this case, live on camera).  Neither have I!  “So how big?” I had to know.  Maybe a little bigger than Mike, but a little skinnier.  Kind of like John’s, but maybe a little smaller, so yeah, like in-between Mike and John.”

BUSHY BUSH
“And,” she added, “he was very manscaped.  Not completely shaved, but a very close trim. I told him it looked great.”  And she said Michaud commented on her bush, which, wasn’t trimmed at all.  Neither Kayla or I haven’t trimmed or shaved our pubic hair since our Immersion, about four months ago.  Mike told us to grow it out.  No particular reason other than he wanted to “change up the view.”   Kayla said she has never had this much hair down their.  She said she has been trimming or shaving since she first started growing pubes.  I think that’s pretty typical for millennials.

Anyway, she said Michaud immediately reacted with a “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that?”  He wasn’t complaining, just surprised.  Just as Kayla has never had a boyfriend with an uncircumsized penis, he had never had a girlfriend with a full bush.  And I use the term “full” a bit loosely.  Kayla’s not that hairy of a person, and it looks just “normal,” not wild and crazy full.

MIKE MADE ME DO IT
In keeping with Mike’s instructions, Kayla told Michaud that she grew it out because Mike commanded it.  I previously shared that Mike told Kayla that if there any actions of hers that she did that were due to his demands, she must admit this to Michaud and not hide it or sugar coat it by making it seem like it was her choice or preference.   I was very impressed that Kayla remembered this. 

It was clearly an awkward moment to have to say something like that.  Kayla said it did cause a temporary “buzz kill” to the mood.  They spent some time talking about it.  She was naked, they were talking about her bush, and he was still clothed, and they are talking about Mike’s requirements of her.  Awkward probably doesn’t come close.  But they got through it.

Michaud said, “Damn, is there anything about you that Mike doesn’t control?”  To which Kayla said, “Michaud, I can hear from your tone that this bothers you. Thank you for saying something as I want to explain and help you get comfortable with this because you will likely hear it a lot.  It is who I am and I know it is a difficult thing to ask of you, but for us to work I need all parts of me to be appreciated, even the parts you may not be part of.  She went on to restate things she has told him before about her need to be Mike’s submissive.  And they talked about it for about ten minutes.

This reminds me of an analogy I used to explain the conclusion I made about my sister’s questions about my dynamic.  It would be easy for me to get frustrated explaining the same thing over and over to my sisters.  Then I realized that in many ways, getting comfortable with my kink is a lot like learning a new language.  You need repetition to understand it better.  This helped me maintain my patience in answering their questions, which were (and still are) often repetitive.  Sharing this analogy with Kayla helped her be prepared for Michaud’s repeat questions.  The last thing you want is the questioner,who is already a bit frustrated, to be answered by someone who is equally annoyed.  

She gave Michaud another way to think of Mike.  She said, “Think of Mike a bit like my psychologist or some specialty doctor.”  If she was seeing a specialist that was uniquely able to help her with something that Michaud could not, that isn’t a short coming for Michaud.  His role in her life is still cherished and valued – but in ways that are different from Mike and from me and again, it reflects her “special” needs and not anything that is wrong with Michaud. 

It obviously wasn’t that much of a buzzkill as they eventually go back to “business.”  I am sure that won’t be the last time she needs to reassure him.  And maybe soon it will be during cam sex, minus the cam!   

Next:  191. Spanking, sex, and a question

 

  

188. The Cock Block (or is it Clam Jam?)

RooClam

I know this Michaud-wrinkle is a bit off topic regarding my DD.  But it isn’t off topic regarding my life.  It is very interesting to me and Kayla means so much to me.  I am happy she is allowing me to share all this.  It’s full of suspense, drama, and sexual intrigue!   And I am so excited for Kayla and impressed (beyond words…which means, here comes a bunch of words) with how she has handled it thus far.  Her handling of this really shows us that she has been listening to the things we have been trying to instill in her since she moved in.  Things like openness, strength, confidence, and honesty.  She’s nailing it! 

By the way – It is going to be about two weeks before all of us can get in to see the doctor and get our results.

IT STARTED WITH A QUESTION
“Sir, please know I heard what you said and understood and accept it.  You told me that there is to be no sex with Michaud and you would only allow kissing.  I am not questioning your decision and would like to know if anything has transpired such that you are willing to reconsider?”

There are times openness must be rewarded.  Times when trust and confidence between Dom and sub can be strengthened.  When a Dom leads best by knowing it is time to listen and understand, and not a time to punish.  

Kayla was trying to be very diplomatic.  It’s tough for a sub to walk the “disobedient” line.  Mike could have taken the “hard ass” response and disciplined her for asking him a second time.  Instead, he thanked her for respectfully posing this question.  Further, he praised her for her guts to ask him this as he knew it was difficult for her to do so. “Obviously this is important to you, so sure, let’s talk through it.”

THE REAL QUESTION
Mike then asked Kayla, “So, you want to have sex with him?”

Kayla said, “Honestly, yes Sir, but, that’s not my question.  I am not asking you to reconsider.  We will wait for the test results.  It is the other stuff…I mean, could we do more than just kiss?” 

Mike was true to form in getting down to what exactly was being asked.   He replied, “So you mean you want to say, give him a hand job or have him finger you, or fondle and suck your breasts?”

“Yes, sure, Sir,” she replied, “At least have the option.” 

Mike questioned, “Don’t you think the passion would lead to penetration or oral sex?”

Kayla quickly and confidently responded, “No, Sir.  I would not allow it.  And any shortcoming in my willpower is more than made up for in my obedience to you.  I am confident I can resist simply because you have prohibited it, Sir.”

“I believe you,” said Mike, “but, are you equally confident in Michaud’s willpower?” 

“I am confident he will listen to me,” she said in a hopeful tone.  That hopeful tone grew more commanding as she added, “And the fact he is willing to have the tests tells us he doesn’t have anything to hide and,” she added with declaration, “he said he would use a condom.”  Kayla’s voice had this “Yeah, what about THAT” sass to it. 

OOPS.  KAYLA EARNS A SPANKING
Mike responded with his “you’ve-crossed-the-line” voice.  “Kayla, you just said you agreed with me and were not asking me to reconsider the ‘no-sex’ edict.  Now your statement and your tone says otherwise.  We are supposed to be having a conversation not a debate where you try and find a ‘Gotcha’ moment.   We will finish this conversation and I will address your sassy tone when we are done.  Understood?”

“Yes, Sir, I am sorry,”  replied Kayla.

MIKES EDICT
Mike immediately flipped back to his calm and reassuring tone, “Kayla, you know both of us trust your judgment.  I trust that you can limit yourself to safer sexual activity, but even you said you don’t have complete confidence in Michaud.  And him agreeing to take the test is not the same as actually having the test.  He hasn’t had it yet, has he?  And, maybe he isn’t aware of something he has.  And why would he even bring up using a condom if he wasn’t trying to undermine what you already told him about waiting?  I am curious, what prompted you to even ask me this question today?”

“Well Sir, he invited me to his apartment after we made out by my car today.  It was pretty clear to me I wouldn’t be going over to watch Netflix.  I told him I could not come over as we had to wait for the lab results.  If it wasn’t clear already that we were talking about sex, his response made it very clear.  Michaud said ‘Come on, I’ll use a condom, and we don’t even have to have sex-sex.  Can’t we at least just mess around?’  So yes Sir, this is why I am asking.”

I asked Kayla, “So what was your response to Michaud when he said that?”

“I told him I promised you and Mike that there would be no sex until we had the results and there was nothing that would make me break that promise.”

“And then what did he say,” I asked.

“He said okay, he understood.  And then he added that the anticipation would just make it all the better.”

Mike stated, “So even after you told him you can’t come over he tried to justify his request by saying he would use a condom.  In other words, he still tried to influence you to say yes?” 

“Yes, Sir,” she said with disappointment, “I guess he did.”

Mike, always the one to avoid ambiguity, said, “No guessing about it. Whether it was his intent or not, it was an attempt to manipulate.  As if he expected you to say, ‘Oh, well, a condom, then sure, let’s go!’  Tell you what Kayla.  You are 23, and fully capable of making this decision on your own.  I know what advice I would give you if we were just friends.  I also know what command I would give as your Dom.  Do you want my advice, or do you want my command?” 

She hesitated.  As she later explained it, not because she was unsure of the answer, but it took her a moment to process the question.  As soon as it clicked what she was being asked, she answered, “Dom.  Always my Dom, Sir.  Please, I will abide by your command.” 

Mike thanked her for her trust and confidence and added, “I don’t believe it serves any useful purpose to play with fire.  You can continue the public affection of kissing or even holding hands, but the answer is still no on any sexual activity.  You also are not to go to his apartment until I tell you.”

KAYLA EARNS A CONCESSION
It was clear she was disappointed, but she understood and accepted his order.  But she very squeamishly added, “Sir, I thank you for allowing this conversation and I again commit to following your orders as always.  To make sure there is no miscommunication, I do have one more question as a point of clarity, and not questioning your command. Does sexting, phone sex, or cam-sex count?”

Mike thought for moment, then for another, and then another. 

Then he said, “Sorry for the pause.  I’ll just think it out loud so you know my thought process on this one.  My inclination is to say yes, that counts so don’t do it.  But, to be honest, I think I am feeling that way only because I can, because, well, you do as I say.  But, such things don’t put us at risk, and doesn’t put you at risk of any STD.  And if I trust your judgement that your relationship with him is ready for that, then what’s my reasoning?  I do trust your judgement.  If you feel you want to do those things, I won’t prohibit them.”

A very happy Kayla responded with a hug and “Thank you, Sir.”

MIKES CONDITIONS
“However,” Mike added, “our house rules prohibit secrecy in the house.  Just like I can access and read your emails, texts and social media accounts today, your relationship with Michaud is no different.  You must show me your texts when I ask for them and any phone calls, whether sex talk or not, and any cam-sex, shall not be done in secret.  While you don’t have to go out of your way to tell us what you are doing, you won’t go out of your way to hide those activities.  Unless J is awake, your bedroom door and bathroom doors remain open.  Neither Jenny or I will make it a point to listen in or watch, but what you do in this house is never hidden and is subject to my inspection or observation at any time.”

“And,” Mike added, “you need to tell Michaud that I am requiring the “no sex until tests are in” rule and I am allowing the sexting/phone sex/cam-sex.  If your relationship with him is ever going to work he will need to understand your commitment to me.  No need to delay that understanding.  Make it clear to him that you won’t have sex with him right now as a commitment you’ve made to me.  Further, if there are any actions that you do that are because of my demands, you need to share that with him.  Don’t sugar coat it by making it seem to be your choice or your preference.  If it is something I demand, then you explain it to him that way.  If he can’t handle that, then it will be good for you two to deal with that right now instead of later.  If he can handle it, well, then that’s a great sign that your relationship has a clear runway for take off.

“Thank you, Sir,” Kayla smiled, “I can do that.  I will do that.” 

“Now,” as Mike’s tone became stern, “About that sass from earlier…”

KAYLA TALKS WITH MICHAUD
Kayla talks with Michaud every day and texts incessantly.  Even when they don’t have class together they get together for lunch or dinner and a movie. 

Kayla said she is encouraged by their conversations regarding Michaud’s ability to handle her being in a relationship with us plus her submissiveness to Mike — the latter being the bigger challenge.   Michaud is still a bit perplexed by it, but seems to be trying to understand it.   He seems very enamored and intrigued with Kayla and her lifestyle choices, but that could quickly wear off if there relationship gets more serious.  

Kayla told him that it was Mike’s demand of her regarding ‘no sex until labs are in but sexting and cam are okay.’  Kayla said this prompted more conversation with Michaud on exactly what role Mike fulfills for her.  And there was the natural and expected comment from Michaud of, “Well, would you do those things for me?”  

Kayla was clear she would not.  She told him she would not consider having multiple Doms.  She told Michaud she wants him for him; a friend, a confidant, and yes, a lover too.  All the things “normal” to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.   The twist is such things would not be exclusive.  She told him, “Mike and Jen are those things for me too, and that won’t change.”   And she told Michaud that if it helps, think of Mike somewhat as “a heavily influential and strict parent whom I love, adore, respect, and never want to disappoint.”   (btw, Mike was okay with this description).

Further, Kayla told Michaud that it is a deal breaker if he does anything to attempt to undermine Mike’s authority over her.   She told him such undermining, such as encouraging misbehavior, would end their relationship.  She told him she doesn’t expect or need him to be a cheerleader for it, but he must be tolerant of it and never attempt to undermine. 

I copied this from one of her texts to him.   

KAYLA:  It’s not a contest.  I need Mike as my Dom and I want you as my boyfriend.  Hopefully those things are compatible.  if not, we can’t continue.  😦  If this seems too complicated, I understand.  No hard feelings.  I don’t want to scare you away, but I don’t want to lure you in under false pretenses.  You are going to have to put up with some weird relationship shit that is unlike any you put up with before.  I am telling you now that whatever those shit situations are, they will never be a reflection of any shortcoming you have as person or a boyfriend.  They are a reflection of my need to be submissive to Mike.

MICHAUD:  You are already giving me the “It’s not you, it’s me” speech?   j/k.  I get it. You just being real.  I like that.

KAYLA:  LOL.  yeh somethin like that.  In other words, I am the weird one, not you.  So if you like weird, here I am, but then don’t complain about the weirdness

MICHAUD:  Not weird, just different.  Different good.  Can I complain just a little?  

KAYLA:   I am not telling you that you can’t have feelings.  jealousy, betrayal and crap like that.  understandable.  I want you to share those feelings the moment you feel them.  lets address them.  But sharing isn’t complaining if done right.  Just ask questions from a loving place, not judgmental or frustrated place.

MICHAUD:  That shouldn’t be too hard, cuz I love you.

KAYLA:  Good, you’ll need lots of love to deal with this.  And I love you for giving me a chance and being such a great guy.

MICHAUD:  You make it easy to love you.  At least so far— ha. But I get it.  I’ll let you know if it gets hard. 

KAYLA:  I appreciate that you think you get it for now.  But you probably won’t until you live it.  Love you for that. 

MICHAUD:  Love ya too

KAYLA:  Cam? 

Next: 189. Happiness, Pleasure, Love, Intimacy, Sex: Jenny rambles