191. Spanking, sex, and a question

It’s not all happy, happy, joy, joy.

I often write about how wonderful life is.  It is.
I often write about how fulfilling my submission is.  It is.
I write about trusting Mike’s decisions.  Whether or not I agree, I accept.
I write about the compersion I feel from Mike and Kayla sharing love (and sex).  Their relationship brings me joy.

BUT, something happened recently that unsettled me.

SPANK
It was a few nights ago, J was asleep.  Kayla was being spanked by Mike.  There are many times we have seen each other being spanked, but we don’t go out of our way to watch.  Often, when one of us is being disciplined the other tries to give some space so as not to interrupt the mood of the disciplining session.

Bedtime was closing in and I needed to shower and prepare for bed.  I walked into the bedroom and saw Kayla bent over, elbows on the bed, and Mike preparing to spank her.  I quickly trotted into the bathroom, closed the door, and showered.

When I finished I did not hear sounds of spanking, but I heard very light, short, high-pitched sounds.  It took me a few seconds to place it.   It was Kayla.  I thought, “Oh, Mike must have ordered her to masturbate.”  I opened the bathroom door and walked into the bedroom to see Kayla in the same position, bent over, elbows on the bed.  And Mike was behind her, fucking her.

SEX
I’ve seen them have sex many times.  But it was odd that they were having sex right after a punishment.  That’s not something we normally do as we generally keep sex and discipline separate.

I stood there and watched.  Mike pulled out and away, reached over and grabbed his belt, and started spanking her again.  I was shocked.  It wasn’t just sex after a spanking, but sex as part of the discipline.

Mike saw that I was watching, and told me to bring him the flogger.  As I walked it over to him, he flipped Kayla over on her back.  He told her to spread her legs and he proceeded to flog her thighs and her pussy.  Not too hard, but enough to cause her to writhe a bit from side to side.

Grabbing her legs, he pulled her closer to the edge of the bed and started fucking her again.  He came insider her.  He then flipped her over on her chest, legs dangling over the side of the bed.  He then started spanking her by hand and continued for some time. Upon stopping, he then started fingering her until she came.  He then took his belt and gave her three or four more strikes, and then it was over.  He told her to stand up, they hugged and went through their aftercare.   He then told her to get ready for bed.

There was a lot of rawness to it all.  A forcefulness.   Not just discipline.  Not just sex.  More a display of power than a delivery of discipline.

I’ve shared before that Mike is more strict with Kayla than with me, and the discipline she receives is more harsh.  It’s the way she wanted it.  I’ve witnessed similar punishments like this one before. But not intertwined with the sex.

QUESTION
At Sunday’s Maintenance Session I shared with Mike how that punishment troubled me.  I admitted I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but I knew it wasn’t good.  The mix of sex and discipline bothered me.

It has been awhile since I last questioned Mike’s actions.  Mike was great, as always. He listened to my concerns and was not offended or defensive about it.  He said the spanking and the flogging were consistent with other discipline he has given Kayla, but the sex was new.

Mike said he wasn’t sure why he did it.  He didn’t owe me an explanation, but I was happy he offered one. He has shared before that he often gets aroused from discipline, but, he doesn’t act on it as he too wants to keep sex and discipline separate.  But, this time, he said the urge was just too great and he gave into it.  And the way Kayla responded just made him even more horny.  He said he was thinking there will be more of it in the future, so he wanted to understand my concerns.

I couldn’t really articulate my feelings. I told him perhaps it just seemed too rough to me. While she fully consented, it just seemed, well, forced.  I know it wasn’t.  It was just that discipline hasn’t been a setting for sex, thus, in my mind there was this unspoken rule.  Discipline was a sex free zone and Mike violated that.

There have been times there was sex  with discipline, even with me.  But the few times it occurred it was typically just oral sex (sucking his cock), or, sex immediately following the Closing ceremony.  This was not that.

Mike called Kayla into our Maintenance Session.  He thought it would be helpful for the three of us to talk about it. She said she loved the discipline she received.  “The pain and submission of being spanked added to the pleasure and submission of Mike forcing himself on me was mind-blowing.”

I felt a little better that she enjoyed it.  But there was still more to what bothered me.  It finally clicked what it was.  I wasn’t feeling any compersion over the sex I witnessed.  I didn’t enjoy seeing Mike being so raw and forceful with Kayla.

We talked about this for some time, but never really reconciled why I feel that way.  I can’t articulate why – it just is.  Until I can make sense and articulate what it is that I feeling, it is difficult to break it down and reconcile it.  I am open to ideas?

I shared with Mike that I felt it is not for me to question his decisions regarding Kayla’s discipline.  I also don’t want him to feel bad for what happened nor feel reluctant to repeat it.  I reassured him I would figure this out and not to mind my concerns.  Mike thanked me for saying that but he said he would exclude sex in any future discipline for a little while. We agreed to talk more in hopes that there is an epiphany after it percolates more in our minds.

And percolates it does.  I have a lot of theories, but when I think them through I end up saying, “No, that’s not it.”   So yeah, an ideas?

NEXT: 192. Vanquishing Negativity

114. Resist! And remain Kinky!

The Stanford Prison Experiment is a well-known experiment in psychology circles regarding the effects that power has on people.  I’ve always kept the results of this experiment in mind as it pertains to Mike and our journey into domestic discipline.  These thoughts were further top of mind as we added the dominant/submissive relationship with Kayla.  Increasing these thoughts even further was that Showtime has been running a movie about the experiment.  Also, although unrelated to my dynamic, this study has been top of mind because I wonder how power impacts a self-serving egomaniac.  No, not Mike, but our U.S. President…I digress.

The conclusion is simple.  Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.  So knowing this, how do we avoid the corrupting influence that power has, even when that power is given to someone you love and trust without question, and who reciprocates that same love and trust?  No, not our U.S. President, I am talking about Mike!

I believe the answer is that you don’t, and you can’t.  It will happen.  It is human nature.  But, what you can do is be aware of it.  It comes back to the age-old solution for any relationship, regardless if the dynamic is vanilla or otherwise – communication.   You have to communicate limits and react in the strongest terms possible if those limits are breached.  If they are disregarded, then you do the only thing you can do and take the power back.  You must RESIST and speak truth to power!   Yes, I am talking about both Mike as well as our president.  I digress yet again.

In both cases if limits are breached you don’t validate the behaviors of those you have given power.  You don’t accept anything they do.  You resist.  Of course, if it is a loved one, it typically resolves itself quickly and you move on.  In the case of our president, it will only resolve itself by doing everything you can to delay and deny any actions they undertake, vote out all who support him in the mid-terms in two years, and then vote out him and the other supporters two years after.   Okay, I really digress!

The challenge with a loving D/s relationship is that it is hard to recognize when limits have been crossed.  Yes, some things are blatant, but, we can become desensitized over time to ever escalating dominance.  You love the person, you know they have the best intentions, and so you can easily discount and disregard inappropriate behavior, especially if it isn’t directed at you.  Sure, Trump has come for the Muslims, come for the scientists, come for the LBGTQ community, come for the federal judges, come for the animals (yes, read about what he is has done regarding animal testing), come for free speech, come for some people’s clean air and water (but not mine), and has come for the disabled (both in education and for those trying to get social security disability benefits).  But none of those he has come for is me.   

Sure, Trump has attacked the arts, attacked the media, attacked anyone who openly questions him.   But — none of those things are me.  While every speech and every press conference by his minions are filled with blatant lies (oh wait, “alternative facts”) that a six-year-old can fact check in a second, his lies haven’t impacted me.

So, meh! 

I hope you get the sarcasm.   Oh, sorry, got off track…it’s Mike I want to talk about.

It’s an interesting thing to be a part of it.  I have seen Mike exert more dominance, a dominance I have asked for, invited in, nurtured, craved, and supported.  Until recently Mike was being a Dom that was careful to carry out his dominance in a way that I explicitly prescribed, with perhaps just the occasional unexpected action on his part.  When we took on this lifestyle, he clearly adjusted to the things I asked for.  At my urging I have encouraged him to exert himself in ways that suited his needs and desires and that I welcomed the opportunity to be the one adjusting to those needs and desires.   Well, he has done so.  I must be honest and say there are things he does that I don’t particularly like or enjoy.  However, I am being equally honest when I say I get an even bigger thrill from the things I don’t like or enjoy.  I know that sounds oxymoronic (is that word? Well, it is now).   It is simply about the joy and satisfaction I get from being submissive and to truly submit to him, I should be submitting more directly to his needs and desires, and not just the needs and desires I have chosen to address. 

What are some of the things I don’t enjoy?   I don’t like the cane (oh, that can be another story, but, Kayla wanted a cane so we ordered one, and I hate it. Much prefer a paddle, brush, or some other flat spanking implement!).  I don’t enjoy my pussy being flogged or whipped, I don’t enjoy being tied up as punishment, and I don’t enjoy certain sexual acts being part of punishments.  Previously, sex and punishments were separate things – and while still not the norm, they aren’t always mutually exclusive.  I also am a bit alarmed by his treatment of Kayla, although Kayla appears to be thriving and wanting more.  Now don’t feel bad on my behalf.  I know I could stop these acts, but I don’t want to.  I like the idea that I am doing things for Mike to satisfy his desires and I like that he is expressing his desires.   I like these things more than I dislike the acts, and as long as that remains the case, the acts remain within my acceptable limits.  But I do dread these acts! 

To get back to my main point – I have noticed Mike is acting differently, much more authoritarian and with less patience.  I have seen his demands as well as the spankings and non-spanking punishments increase in frequency and intensity, both on me and on Kayla.  We’ve talked openly about this and he admits he likes the feeling he gets from being dominant, but also admits there is a line between being a good dom and being an a-hole, and he hopes not to cross it, however, he ended that with, “Concern noted, but I am not changing anything and you always have safe words to stop any of my actions, so it is on you to communicate your limits, not on me to guess where they are.”   For a nanosecond my mind said, “Oh, what an a-hole response.”  But the tingly feel-good feeling that followed a nanosecond later overwhelmed that thought.  I really like it when Mike is forceful and unapologetic with his feelings.  Such is the way a submissive thinks!

 And to be fair, along with Mike’s increase in dominant behaviors has come an increase in appreciation towards me and towards Kayla.  Mike has given us several “spa days” and other pampering’s, he even hired a maid service for a day so we could fully relax without worry of falling behind on any of our chores.  Yes, I know that statement will make some of you gag – I certainly would have pre-DD.     Just remember, I chose this lifestyle and I take my duties very seriously, so it is a big deal that I didn’t have to worry about falling behind on any chores.  Even if Mike gave me a pass regarding any punishments, I like to stay on schedule and get certain things done on certain days, so the maid service was something I truly appreciated.

I do not feel that Mike has been corrupted by the power I have freely given to him (yet), but the findings of the Stanford Experiment remain in the back of my mind.  As for our so-called president, well, his corrupted mind began long before he got the power of a president (I would say “presidential power” but there is nothing presidential about him). I digress. 

Oh, I mentioned before that Mike was going on a business trip out-of-town and taking Kayla with him.  That is in a few days.  I’ll talk about that in another post!

Resist. . .and remain Kinky!

NEXT: 115. My Abundant Life

 

 

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22.Crossroads / Stories of sex or of the mundane

I am at a bit of a crossroads with where to go with my blog.  I set out to share my story for how I got to where I am and how DD set me on an unexpected but immediate and amazing path toward living the life I want for myself and my family.   I’ve shared that.

I know people like to read spicy, salacious, and naughty details, but, I am not naturally into sharing them.  Partly because I don’t want it to become simply about the sex.  But I recognize that a heighten awareness of each other and togetherness with each other is going to lead my husband and I to added sexual adventure.  I didn’t get into DD for that. That was just a great bonus!  My concern is if I focus too much on that aspect of my DD, it takes away from how I use DD as part of self actualization.

I want to share the emotions, the gratification, and the fulfillment that I am getting, along with an indescribable closeness with Mike.  This closeness comes after almost 25 years of marriage.  I didn’t believe there was a higher level of closeness possible, but I was wrong.   As I said before, it is like we are one, but not the same.

However, I don’t dismiss that the sex stuff is part of the “package” of DD.  So, while I will share an erotic experience or two, I’ll also share just a day in the life.  Some posts may be about the monotony of a day, some may share a spanking or two, and of course, I’ll still throw in the occasional sex romp.   

Oh, yeah – The Neighbors
The last sexcapade I shared was regarding a visit with our neighbors.  Let me cut any suspense and say there hasn’t been any 4-way or swapping.  We all talked it out and laid out some ground rules.  That discussion was a trip.  Imagine two couples talking about, “is it okay if I suck her breast” or, “is it okay to spank your wife?”  That discussion could be an entire post.  Suffice to say, final agreement is no swapping of any kind (kissing, oral, penetration, etc.), but some touching is allowed.  And as it stands right now, while I am for having sex with Donna, she isn’t into it.  See, everyone has boundaries, even those of us into the kinkier things.  Donna did agree to masturbate in front of us (or John ordered her to and she complied), so we’ve had a few get togethers where her and I put on a show for the guys.  It’s amazing the sex that Mike and I have after a visit with our friends.  They really get us sexually charged up for each other!   Oh, and, John and Donna even showed us some of their TTWD’s.

Donna likes to be flogged and they actually let us watch some sessions.  It is pretty intense to my tastes, but she clearly enjoys them.  John really hits hard, across her ass, back, tits, stomach, thighs.  Pretty thorough thrashing.   She is so beautiful and watching it can be hard at some points.  Not to infer that if she wasn’t beautiful it would be easier to watch. That sounds messed up.  Let me try to clarify that thought.  I think the beauty I am referring to is just the beauty of a naked woman.  The beauty of the curves, the beauty of the vulnerability, the beauty of her submission, and the beauty of the pleasure she was taking in receiving it all.  Contrasting that beauty was the fact I wanted it to stop at certain points as it sometimes made me flinch just watching.  She loves it though, and has shared that she loves it more knowing she was exposing herself even more by letting us in to that part of her.  And I’ll admit, John’s aftercare was touching to watch.  I still think he is a bit of jerk.

I don’t know if I’ll write more about our get together.  Perhaps if things escalate beyond what we have currently agreed upon.  The quick run down at this point is that Donna and I have each given the others husband a hand job, and each of the husbands have felt and sucked the other wife’s tits.  We’ve had sex with our own husbands in front of each other/at the same time.  Oh, and Donna and I have felt each other’s boobs.   John and Donna have let us watch some of their “play” (oh, did I mention that the metaphorical leash I felt John had on Donna was not a metaphor?).  And, Mike has delivered a few Immediate Awards to me in front of them.  That’s the complete extent of it and we don’t have plans on it going further.  That’s pretty dang far for us!

Next – 23. Quick Reflection, then on to a Spanking Story