Tag Archives: erotic

113. Contemplation

thinker

Yes, I’ve been bad about posting.  I could name the usual “too busy” excuses but I find we make the time for what’s important, and to be honest, my blog has slipped on my priority list.

The enthusiasm I had to share my story has waned.  About nine or ten months ago my personal amazement along with my complete surprise with myself, my choices, and the results of those choices, all propelled me to share my story and continuing sharing as events unfolded.

Once I got the background of my story complete — all the way back on Post 13. Now What?, I mentioned that my goal was to share my approach to DD.   I also wrote that while I would share the occasional steamy details,  I didn’t intend to purposefully write erotically or for masturbation fodder.  I am happy if you found my writing to be either of those things – or both – but consider that a happy bonus!  It wasn’t my focus.

My life with Domestic Discipline has sort of evened out, hit a steady stride, or whatever you want to call it.  Simply put, it is just “my life” and not “my life with DD.”  This is a positive thing, as it means that my lifestyle is, well, normal!   Okay, at least normal for me.

My passion for living my lifestyle has not waned.  I am, however, less surprised or amazed by my antics.  And that lack of surprise and amazement makes it hard to blog.  I know there are many things that occur during the week that would continue to provide you with surprise, amazement, and shock, if not at least some general interest.  Add to that perhaps some sexual stimulation or at least fodder for your mind to wander to places you wouldn’t have thought to wonder otherwise.  Yes, sharing my life may do those things, but I have found I have a harder time identify those things, because it all seems so “normal” to me.

The things that aren’t normal have to do with Kayla which is why so many of my recent posts involve that relationship.  I could continue to share that stuff — it is very exciting, new, amazing, crazy, wild, titillating, you name it!   But, I feel that I am more sharing her story than mine.  Not that I don’t mind doing that, but I know she minds.  In her words, she is okay with being a “plot line” but she doesn’t want to be the main character.  If you read my many recent posts, she is definitely center stage!

So, I need to re-evaluate what I choose to share. More accurately, how I choose to share it. For instance, I was going to write about some fun things Kayla has come up with.  She is very adventurous and has staged some various “scenes” for us.  Mike and I never role played before, and it has been very fun.  But, I feel more compelled to share what I believe it means to Kayla, or what she experienced, more so than to share what it means to me and what I experienced.   In fairness to Kayla, I just can’t do that.  

I enjoy sharing, so will just have to figure out a way where I can both bring and received the same enthusiasm and excitement that I got from my first 100 or so posts.  I am sure it’ll come to me.  One thing I am anxious to share is how it goes with mycoming outto my sisters.  Haven’t done it yet, but expect it soon.  

Anyway, sorry for the boring post.  I just needed to share what’s rattling around in my brain instead of what’s being slapped on my ass!   Although, that reminded me….. hummm, maybe next time. 

NEXT:  114.  Resist! And Remain Kinky!

 

54. Sex is fun. Four times the fun with the right couple!

So, what’s new?  Not much here.  Oh yeah, Mike, me, John, and Donna got together for a f-fest.  Ha!

I’ll do my best to tell the story for those of you that love the details, which, per my blog stats, seem to be most of you.  Stories of sexual adventure and punishments seem to get more visits!  I’ve said before I am more inclined to share my feelings and write about how or if I reconciled an issue from an emotional standpoint.  I am less inclined to give the steamy sizzling sensual experience that went with it, but I’ll give it a try.  It’s odd for me to write this.  While I’ve shared a lot, I’ve never tried to share this type of detail.  Hope you enjoy.  I sure enjoyed doing it and reliving it through writing about it!

Preamble
You’ll want to read the post linked here to get the backstory that led to Mike and I venturing into our first full swap with another couple.

One of the things Mike asked me before we did this was whether I would be in “sub” mode or not.  It was a good discussion for us as we had never really talked about turning the submission “on” or “off.”  It is always on as far as I am concerned, but with some modifications around the kids or in public.  I asked him not to think of me as just “submissive” but to consider me “his submissive wife.”  I had never said that before and I believe it helped for him to hear that.  It helped me to say it also.  I liked the sound of that and saying it made me feel all warm and tingly inside!  Mike was wanting to know whether he should instruct and guide me during our upcoming sexcapade or just leave me to my own adventurous devices.  I told him I want it to be whichever way he liked.

He still gets frustrated at times when I answer, “Whatever you wish,” but he is getting better and more comfortable at just stating what he wants versus asking my permission.  I remind him that in my mind there is no “sub-Jenny” and “non-sub Jenny,” there is just Jenny who is his submissive wife.   Period.  I gently reminded him that if something he asked for went too far, I am capable and willing to say so.  In fact, I am required to say so, by both common sense and our rules.

He then said, “Fine, you’ll do as you are told then.”
“Yes, Sir.” I said with a smile.

Warm Up
Donna came over Monday afternoon and we talked about the plans for that evening.  We both admitted to being both excited and a bit nervous, but mostly excited.   Being the blunt one, I told her, “I’ve imagined Mike fucking you and now I get to see it plus, I owe you a nice lick!”  She laughed and said she was looking forward to having him inside her, watching me and John and yes, having me go down on her.  As she was leaving she leaned in and gave me a quick kiss as her thumb and forefinger touched just above my breast. She then moved her hand downward, extending apart her thumb and forefinger as they encircled my breast.  She continued moving her hand down as her thumb and forefinger moved closer back together as they reached the underside of my breast.  Her finger and thumb were then once again together at the base of my breast.  “That’s a little tease for later”, she said.    My my, she isn’t reluctant at all.

Evening Fun
Mike and I enter their house.  I felt a little awkward knowing what we were about to do and not sure how we would get into the swing of things – pun intended.  Well, John didn’t waste any time.  He greeted us at the door and as we walked into the kitchen, Donna was laying blindfolded on their living room floor.  She was fully clothed, in her “regular” clothes.  I thought it was interesting that John didn’t have her in any of their “gear” or just naked.   I didn’t question it and am guess the disrobing would just add to the anticipation.

John announced, “I thought we’d let the girls start us off,” as he popped open two beers and handed one to Mike.   Wow, John wasn’t wasting any time.

Mike looked at me and said, “Jen, you know Donna has never been with a woman other than your special treat during your shave, so give her something memorable.”    John added, “Donna is not to speak.  Have her in any way you’d like.”  Now I thought to myself, “humm, I hadn’t really thought about different ways to “have” her.  I mean, yes, go down on her, suck her breasts, have her suck mine, stuff like that.   But I hadn’t thought about doing more.  There were toys around.  Oh the possibilities.  I had the perfect sub answer to this potential dom opportunity of mine.

“Mike Sir, tell me where you want me to start.”

Mike tells me, “Rub her tits and her pussy outside her clothing.  Get her really warmed up.  I rubbed her for a few minutes, and then Mike told me to start kissing her.  I remember him saying, “lots of tongue.”   And without hesitation, John chimes in, “And Donna, you need to start rubbing on Jenny.”  We made out and rubbed for quite a while, rubbing each other on the outside our clothing.   It was really nice.  It had been a very long time since I kissed another woman.  My insides were aching for us to get naked.  It got to the point that my yearning for Mike to give further instruction began to distract me.  I really needed him to give me the order to move on.  I was more than fully warmed up and I needed to fully feel her!   When was he going to let me go further?

Finally, Mike said, “Okay, slowly take off each other’s clothes and keep rubbing.” He hadn’t finished the sentence and I already had Donna’s shirt over her head.  I worked my hand inside her pants as she unbuttoned and then unzipped my pants.  Donna was very wet, way more wet than I anticipated.  I could feel her fingers slide easily past my folds and deep into my pussy.  I was very wet as well.  We fingered each other for some time and then I stopped to pull her pants and panties off and to take mine off as well.   John then told Donna, “Okay, take that blindfold off because you need to see the tits you’ll be sucking.”

With that she took off the blindfold.  It was nice to look her in the eyes as she began to suck my tits.  She kept her eyes open, looking up at me as she suckled.  I remember thinking about what was going through her mind as this was a first for her.  Frankly, it has been so long since I’ve had anyone but Mike that it felt like a first for me.   John then proclaims, “Donna, you are on your own now, do as you wish.”  With that, she got up and positioned me on my back on the floor.  She put her pussy in my face and leaned over to eat me out.  Ah, a classic 69.   She was extremely wet and tasty.   I hadn’t had a mouthful of pussy in about 27 years!   It was everything I remembered.  It was wonderful.

At some point Donna flipped around so that she was sitting on my face, facing me so that I could look up with my eyes and see her face.  Soon I saw Mike and John’s dicks come into view.  I hadn’t even heard them take their clothes off.  I saw as Mike’s cock entered Donna’s mouth, and Donna had one hand on Mike’s cock as it worked in and out of her mouth, and one hand on John’s cock that stood ready to the side.  The best part is that I was able to make eye contact with Mike.  It made me smile as I was eating Donna while watching her give him oral.

Donna came.  We had a bet as to who would come first, and we women thought for sure it would be one of the guys – but it wasn’t fair as we got a head start on the fun.   Anyway, it was the best bet I ever lost.  Her orgasm caused her to move off me and give up sucking on Mike for moment.  That’s when Mike said, “Jen, you can pick up where she left off.”  Mike sat down in a chair and I got on my knees in front of him but before I could start to do anything he told me to stand back up and just lean over to suck him, he said my ass needed to be “up and out.”

I looked back at John and made eye contact and gave a quick smile.  I knew this was it.  I leaned over and began sucking Mike and very soon I felt the unmistakable feeling of a cock sliding into my wet pussy from behind.  I raised up from Mike’s cock because I wanted to peer into Mike’s eyes and have Mike peering into mine as John’s cock made its way fully inside me.  I gave out a pleasurable “Ahh.”  My elbows were resting on Mike’s knees as Mike played with my tits and John worked his cock in and out, in and out, in and out.  I continued starting at Mike which made me more and more excited.  I loved being so close to Mike while John was fucking me. I could tell Mike was also taking pleasure in my pleasure.

John felt different inside of me than Mike does as they are “differently endowed.”   Both in good ways.  Mike is about 6 1/4 inches while John tops out at perhaps 7 and half inches.  Mike has a lot of girth and is quite thick, whereas John is a bit of “pencil” dick (said with affection!).  I love the contrast.  It felt different but it felt very good.

It wasn’t long before Donna reappeared and walked up to the side of the chair. She got on her knees and leaned in and kissed me, then kissed Mike.  Eventually the three of us were three-way kissing.  This is something I actually had never done and I found it hot as hell.  Feeling her tongue, then Mike’s, then her’s while in Mike’s mouth, and Mike’s and her’s in mine.  My hands on Donna’s tits, both her and Mike’s hands rubbing mine, John’s cock in me . . . all that stimulation and it wasn’t long before I came.   I couldn’t believe it, both guys outlasted the women.   Not that I am complaining!

So now it was Mike and Donna’s turn.  Mike stood up as Donna laid down on the floor (yes, they has a nice, soft carpet).  Mike got down and started fucking Donna missionary.  John came over to me and we both watched, as I had one hand on John’s cock and he had his fingers in my pussy.  We were standing to the side of Mike and Donna so we all could see each other.   I was still twitching from my orgasm and couldn’t take any more fingering, so I dropped to my knees and took John’s cock into my mouth.  Of course, I kept my eyes opened and made sure I could make eye contact with Mike.  Having him watch was such a turn on for me.

Soon John came in my mouth.  I leaned over to Donna as if to kiss her and let John’s cum drool into her mouth.  Shortly thereafter Mike came inside Donna and then Mike said, “Go and get my cum, baby.”

I went down on Donna and sucked his cum from her pussy.   I stayed down on her for quite some time, after all, the guys were spent for the time being and I owed her some nice cunnilingus from the treat she gave me.  Donna came a second time.

We all sat up and relaxed a bit, all of us marveling in our experience.  The word “wow” was said a lot, along with a lot of “that was awesome.”   There was more sex that night.  I had sex with Mike and Donna with John.  More orgasms, a break, some fun conversation, and then a third and final go at it but only after a little “punishment” demonstration.   John and Donna have let us watch many flogging sessions before, so that night was no different.   Donna really enjoys a good overall flogging where her breasts, stomach, back, thighs, and ass are all beautifully pink by the end.   It was a good way to recharge for our final go.  I’ll save the positions and combinations of our third and final go-round to myself.  A girl has to have some secrets, I am shy after all.

I do want to give a shout out to safe sex.  I don’t condone not using condoms, but for us, it was one part none of us being capable of reproduction one part because we’ve known each other for a very long time and the trust factor is very high, and one part just being foolish.  I guess we are taking a calculated risk.  That may not be completely smart, but, I am just being honest and I felt I should mention it.  Do as I say, not as I do.

It’s been four days and we can’t wait to do this again.  We plan to get together tomorrow night as well.

Sex is fun!

55. Agreement vs. Acceptance: A Spanking Disagreement

28. Losing Myself? (and a sexy story)

This is another story about our get-togethers with our neighbors, John and Donna, who I introduced in my post Putting on a Show.  I am sharing some emotions I have that I am still trying to sort out – PLUS – you also get to hear about my most surprisingly erotic experience ever.

This happened almost a month ago and I am still trying to come to terms with it. Not in a bad way, but in my usual self-reflective way of always trying to get to the bottom of a feeling. I was waiting to share this story once I sorted out my feelings; however, as I can’t seem to make any progress and though sharing the story might help. I feel a bit like a hypocrite, especially after a recent post boasting of being so  sure of myself. But, I never said I was perfect, and I know I will have moments of doubt. The issue is whether those moments are fleeting or long lived. Here’s what happened.

At a recent get-together at John and Donna’s, Donna shared that she has been feeling conflicted the last several times we were over. She stated that when she and John were alone they were M/s, but when others were around they were just John and Donna. Now that we knew about their relationship and the fact that her and I even display our submissiveness when we all get together, any time we were around she was having a hard time discerning between when to be “on” and when to be “off” as slave. She felt like she was often only “half on” when around us and it didn’t feel comfortable to her. She felt she was failing in her role and that her role is very important to her.

I asked, “So what does it mean to hang out with Donna the slave?”

Donna said it is different than Donna the neighbor as her submission is deep. It was physical, erotic, sexual, and psychological. It goes far into exploring the space between pleasure and pain and involves intense physical sensations and psychological scenarios that test and push her limits. While they had shared some of this with us and we even got to witness one of her floggings, she said that was only the tip of her submission. Full-on slave mode would be different, and we were about to find out just how different. John explained that once Donna was “on” that we are not to speak to her or even acknowledge her in any other way other than how John has directed. Basically consider her a “piece of furniture” that we can ask John for permission to utilize. Donna’s sole purpose is to serve John and be fully attentive to only John unless he instructs otherwise.

They asked us if we were up to that? I explained that when we got together I wanted to interact with Donna, my friend, not Donna the slave. Donna said, yes, they thought similarly, and had an idea to balance her need for submission and their need for our continued friendship and interaction.   Donna said she is accustomed to turning it off and on, but just can’t have this in-between state. What they suggested was alternating such that when they visited us, they would be “public” John and Donna, and when we visted them, they would be “private M/s John and Donna.

That worked for Mike and me.   With that, John said, “And so it begins. We’ll be right back.” John and Donna left to their bedroom. Mike said, “This ought to be interesting!”

Soon we saw the two of them emerging from the hallway. John was carrying various “supplies” and was leading Donna by a leash and she walking on all fours. She had a collar around her neck and a mask covering her eyes. She was wearing a black cupless mini dress. As he led her past us, I can see she had no panties on under her mini-dress.

John reminded us that we are not to speak to Donna. Further, Donna is not to make eye contact with anyone when her blindfold is off. John said Donna was there for his amusement and he has some fun in mind that we all get to share in. John tapped on this small pad on the floor near his chair. Without a word from John, Donna felt her way around the pad and then kneeled in the center of it. Her body arched at attention and her hands were clasped behind her back. “Good girl,” said John.

I mentioned before how gorgeous Donna’s breasts are. Perfectly shaped, firm, natural, 36-D’s on a fit body. Her nipples are full and erect, teasing to be suckled. Her pink areolas tempted me as well as the pink slowly faded into her bosom with the faintest of circular outline where they ended. Their puffiness was every so slight, further teasing an invitation to my mouth. The positioning of her body combined with the support around the cupless outfit further accentuated her voluptuousness. I was already in love with her boobs and now they were displayed to perfection.

John told us that Donna would be our entertainment for the night. John took off Donna’s mask and Donna stared forward, not making eye contact with anyone. She had a calm and resolute look on her face. Her stance, stare, and dress (more like undress) evoked a great vulnerability that I was finding highly erotic and stimulating.

John began rubbing Donna’s nipples with some ice. He circled her nipple very slowly and occasionally he would stop and just hold it in one place for a while. He then took two ice packs out of their freezer. They were about the size of his hand. He pressed the packs hard against her breasts. Donna took in a deep breath followed by many short breaths in until she just held her breath for about ten seconds before exhaling. Obviously they were cold. Her nipples stood even more erect than before. The wanting that was already inside of me literally made my mouth water such that I had to swallow. John then grabbed a crop that had this hand-shaped end to it. He proceeded to whip her breasts with it, focusing mostly on her nipples. John stopped once her breasts reached a pinkish hue.  Donna just gazed directly forward, as if all three of us where not there.

John walked over to a table and picked up a burning candle and walked over to Donna. He dripped the hot cream colored wax across one of her breasts. Donna pursed her lips but remained resolute. I remember watching as the hot wax made its way down her breast, only to harden and stop just short of her areola. He dripped more. Again I watched it run down her breast, this time it reached the areola but went around her nipple before stopping. I remember staring with great intensity, watching each drop of hot wax run down this amazing breast. Finally, a bead of hot wax made it over her nipple. I was really getting turned on watching every bead of wax meander down her breast.  My eyes would glance at Donna who was not making a sound. Her face remained stoic, except that her jaw was clenched. The visual of the wax going down her breast and the way she was surrendering herself was so compelling to me that I felt like I was feeling everything that Donna was feeling. It was very odd, but oh so pleasurable. I was getting really turned on.

He then handed a candle to Mike and told him to “take care of the other tit.” Mike walked over and began dripping wax on her other breast. Now it was even more intense for me as I watched Mike do this. Donna’s reactions increased as her body would rise up, tensing with pain, and then relaxing in bliss. After Mike poured four or five times, John then told me to come over and take a turn. I would have never thought doing this would be such a turn on. I could feel both the butterflies in my stomach and the wetness growing in my pussy. I remember even thinking, “Wow, why this such a turn is on for me?”

We all kept pouring hot wax on her breasts until there was a nice layer of wax covering every part of both boobs. I really felt that all I would have to do is touch myself for about ten seconds and I would cum. I was shocked at just how turned on I was… but I wasn’t complaining.

As John took our candles, Mike came over and held my hand. His simple touch set sparks through my belly and I could feel even greater wetness in my pants. I remember us both staring at Donna as Donna avoided eye contact and started ahead into nothingness. Other than her slow breathing, she didn’t move or make a sound. The serenity of the moment with Mike and I holding hands, staring at her sweet surrender was turning me on. John grabbed a flogger. He had us step back and he began whipping one of her breasts. He was hitting pretty hard. He kept hitting until almost all the wax was gone from one breast. Then he gave a flogger to Mike and said he could try and clear off the other breast.   All of this just turned me on more. Part of the turn on is that I have this thing for Donna and would love to have sex with her (she isn’t into women, and while I would so have sex with her, it’s been about 25 years since I’ve been with one). Plus I am completely in love with her breasts, and the whole hot wax and now whipping of her tits was getting me closer and closer to the edge. I remember thinking that if this kept going I would actually come. I had never came from just watching something. I always required a rub or touch or some sort of contact.

It took Mike quite a while to get it off as he kept having to hit harder and harder. I noticed that Donna actually had tears in her eyes. I know she loves this stuff and while it did have to hurt, she was enjoying herself. Another odd thing – her tears were just another turn on for me. They were not tears of sadness. I can feel she was crying for completeness. With each strike across her chest I felt I too was with her on that journey to completeness.

There were still little bits of wax here and there but for the most part the wax was gone. John then handed me a flogger and asked me to clear the rest. I was surprised how hard I had to hit in order to get the remaining flakes to start falling. Then, as I was working to clear one breast, John started hitting her other breast with the other flogger. He told me to keep going as well. So we were alternating. I would hit one breast and a second later he would hit the other and then I would hit again, etc.

I remember watching Donna’s face and as the very last flake of wax was flown off her beautiful breasts, these two long tears went down her face.   The entirety of the experience coupled with that ending was enough to put me over the edge and I actually came while I was standing there whipping her.

I stopped whipping as I came. At first I tried to hold back my reaction as it all seemed silly to me that this episode made me come. But then I just let it go as I figured it was too obvious anyway and hey, they had all see me have an orgasm before.   As I breathed heavily and let out a whoosh of air through my mouth, I caught Donna looking over at me and cracking a little smile before she quickly averted further eye contact. Mike said, “Wow, Jenny, did you just come?”

I admitted that I had and I shared with them that this was amazingly erotic to me. There was more to that visit that I could share but it isn’t relevant to this post and I’ve gone on for long enough.

The thing that has been weighing on my mind since then is what is it that I found so erotic and exciting? I really surprised myself about getting that excited and even now just writing and thinking about it gets my juices flowing. In addition to all the reasons I already gave about why it was erotic to me, I discovered the biggest turn on for me was Donna’s submission. And I find myself wanting to do it again, but with me in Donna’s place.

As I write this, I think I had a breakthrough. I believe I am becoming addicted to submission. I know that can be a real thing as the endorphins that get released can become addictive.   While I tend to be one to just go with a feeling, I am holding back on going with this one. I think I am concerned that this DD thing is going into a different stage. A stage of deeper submission, a dip into the realm of BDSM. I think if I have the three of them do to me what we did to Donna, then what’s next? And what is next after that? And after that?

Those thoughts scare me a bit. I am usually so sure of myself, but for this moment, I am not. That’s why I feel a bit like a hypocrite. Okay, so, we all have moments of doubt. The good news is, experience tells me these moments don’t last too long and clarity is right around the corner. I am too self-reflective and too much of a positive thinker to let this weigh me down very long. I’ll think it to death until I solve it. And, because of DD, I now have Mike to share this with and perhaps together we can sort it out.

It’s like I don’t know if this journey is about finding myself, or losing myself? Perhaps, to find oneself you must first lose yourself?
NEXT:  29. A girl has no name – A Submissive Frenzy 

27. Jenny’s Doctrine of Submission

— Hey!  Yes, you.  Please read all the way through and give me your thoughts on how you’d complete the sentence I give you at the end of this post.  —

Another post about my version of DD. If it helps you get in the mood, know that I am writing this while naked and with nipple clamps very firmly attached for the last 30 minutes or so. This is part of a Reward I earned. I can take the clamps off after an hour. Suffice to say, my nipples are burning. Mike is definitely getting creative with his non-spanking Rewards. So, on to the topic at hand. . .

If you’ve read my contract you know I strive to clearly state how DD works in our household.  As one who tends to obsess over whether intentions are clearly understood, I recently took the further step of codifying what  I call our Doctrine of Submission. I started writing it but had a lot of input from Mike.

While the contract explains HOW we do DD, our doctrine explains WHAT DD means to us. Both are important topics to discuss with your partner. As we evolve I know that our “how” will change, which is why we have set renegotiation periods for our Contract.  In addition, I know that there will be changes in what DD means to us. That is why I believe it is important to write down those beliefs.  Doing so gives us something to refer back to and alter, elaborate, or remove as necessary.  My doctrine is not going to be the same as yours, nor should it.   It should be about whatever you both agree it should be. It can be tricky. It isn’t just about what works for you individually because whatever your doctrine, it must work for both you and your partner if it is to be successful.

Our doctrine is:

  • Submission is Love.
  • Submission is Personal.
  • Submission is Mutual.
  • Submission is Beneficial.
  • Submission is Counter-culture.
  • Submission is Sexy.
  • Submission is Fearless.
  • Submission is Sensible.

Submission is Love
Forget DD for a moment. Every day, each one of us expresses love in a way where we chose to voluntarily limit what we might naturally do in order to benefit others.   This is true whether DD exists in your life or not. It can be as simple as I’d prefer to have chicken today, but I’ll make steak because I know that is Mike’s favorite. Or, I prefer to sit and do nothing today, but I need to run some errands for my kids. In that context, we all agree those are expressions of love. Those expressions all fit the definition of submission.

Submission is also where I voluntarily limit what I might naturally do in order to benefit others.  Obviously it is about the degree of power, but regardless of the degree, everyone in a loving relationship submits to their partner in some ways each day. It may mean they skip the chicken for the steak, or it may mean they write their blog with clamps burning into their nipples.

Put another way, when some conflict happens in our household, instead of doing what I use to instinctively do such as argue with Mike, I instead show him respect and honor and submit to his wishes.  If he truly loves me, his wishes will not be unreasonable and, due to the mutual transparency, I will see that they are not and I will see his best intentions. Over time this makes it easier and easier to submit, and the submission becomes the new instinct. And remember, I am not brain dead in my submission. I have thoughts, I have a voice, and I do get to use them in a calm and respectful manner (which is why our Maintenance Sessions are so important).

Absolutely. Submission is love and love is submission.

Submission is Personal
Ultimately you must establish your own doctrine based on your relationship.  Each person in a couple needs to work together to define what it means to their relationship and each person must be comfortable with it.

The best thing about DD is that it is whatever you want it to be. There is are no arbitrary set of rules.    It’s all left up to what you and your partner wish it to be.   To clarify, I should say, I believe there shouldn’t be any arbitrary set of rules. I know for some they follow rules that they believe are set in biblical terms such as in Christian Domestic Discipline. That’s not for me, but again, it may be for you.

Submission is Mutual
What?  How can that be?  Every sub has a dom! That doesn’t sound very mutual?

Don’t confuse “mutual” with “equal” or “sameness.”  While authority may be greater with one person, there are still responsibilities that both people must correctly carry out. (“Correct” being a term that the couple has to define for themselves as we have done in our Contract).   Both parties have a role, and they both have their own “submissions.”

Mike must submit to our agreement that requires him to act in certain ways that he would not have acted if not for DD. And while it was not required, Mike has also naturally submitted to me through revealing more of himself to me than ever before (the “transparency” that I mentioned earlier).

Submission is Beneficial
Many people are quick to equate submission with enslavement. It does not enslave me, it frees me. It freed me of the burdens and emotional baggage that weighed me down. It freed me from my creed that once was a positive influence, but had morphed into chains of enslavement as I turned it into meaning that I must always get my way.  I know DD is working for us because it has made both Mike and I better people. We have grown in freedom, joy, and character. This can only be described as beneficial.

Submission is Counter-culture
We have been raised to admire self-reliance, strength, and independence.  Dependence is weakness, you must think and act for yourself, and you are inferior if you do or believe otherwise! These are the lies that are consistently fed to us.  Truth is, even our country (USA) was built on interdependence, community, and mutual aide, but I digress. Truth is we live in a complex and interdependent society and to thrive we must learn to acknowledge our dependence, as well as our strengths and weaknesses.  I am not advocating that you surrender to everyone in a DD sort of way. I am saying you would be more comfortable in surrendering to your partner if not for the societal stigma regarding surrendering anything to anyone. Culturally we are told surrender is weakness, when in fact, it takes courage, strength, and fortitude.

There is also the issue of potential abuse in DD and there are those that would call it abuse no matter what. I acknowledge there is potential for abuse in all things, including DD. I accept that you can’t have physical abuse without hitting, and you can’t have DD without hitting (spanking), but that doesn’t mean that DD is akin to abuse. No more than you can’t have a car crash without a car, but you can have a car without having a car crash.

Submission is Sexy
Surrendering yourself to someone is inherently erotic, as is the act of giving and receiving punishments. There is no getting around addressing how sex and DD will intertwine within your household. At first I looked at sex and DD as distinct, but now I realize there is an overlap. It is up to you and your partner to determine how much overlap.

There was a time when we are doing something sexual that I absolutely knew whether or not that activity was falling under our DD rules or not. Now, the lines are blurred and perhaps no longer exist. I believe this is because DD gave Mike and I the freedom to completely express ourselves sexually. So, when he asks (commands) me to do something sexually, or when I request something sexually, is that DD or is that just us?   The philosophies of transparency that I talked about in my prior post permeates everything we do, so the truth is, the influence of DD is in everything we do. DD is us.

Submission is Fearless
I believe submission terrifies many people because they see it as an absolute. A complete surrender of mind, body, and soul, which has no limitations.   Because of this they won’t even entertain the thought of submission. I believe this hides the real fear… fear of revealing ourselves.

I encourage everyone to fully reveal themselves to their partners. You can try to do this absent punishments, but for me it wouldn’t be the same.

Submission is Sensible
At first DD seemed irrational at best, insane at worst. But once I opened myself to the possibilities, I quickly saw how practical it could be.  Even though I couldn’t articulate it or possibly understand it as I now do, I still sensed it would bring me all the things that I have now received from DD.  I am a more loving person, in a more loving relationship, more energized, playful and respectful than ever before.  I am calm, I am at peace.  It just feels right and has made an immeasurable difference in our lives. It is functional, it is mindful, it is no-nonsense.  It is sensible!

The revelation that Domestic Discipline was Sensible is what motivated me to start this blog! I want others to consider the possibilities it holds for their own relationships. You can strip away the punishments, strip away anything sexual, and what I am advocating is for full and complete transparency in your relationship.  If you can find that without submission, good for you, but I would never have found it without domestic discipline.

There are other things submission means to me, but those are the ones most meaningful to me.  How would you complete the sentence, “Submission is . . . . “

I would love to hear you thoughts   Okay, just about time to remove these clamps!

NEXT – 28. Losing Myself?  (and a sexy story)